The Way I C It 02.04.08: The State of the Federations

The Way I C The E

The Cena Situation

We all got duped. Plain and simple. No, don’t try and pretend you knew Cena was coming back to win the Rumble. And don’t try to act like you didn’t mark. Hating on Cena is so 2006. This topic has been analysed and re-analysed so I want to go at it from a couple of different angles. First, was he ever hurt, and if so, was it as bad as we were told? Let us consider the facts:

The incision on his right pec is not a huge one. I’m not a doctor, I don’t even play one on TV, but I’ve seen bigger surgical scars. It’s also not impossible to use makeup to give the impression the scar is bigger, smaller, or even there when it really isn’t.
Cena was supposed to be on Celebrity Apprentice, which I believe is still filming. He was pulled from the show almost at the last minute with no explanation given. It would have been very difficult for Cena to come back and still film the show.
Cena looks very, um, “well” since his return. The IWC has been quick to jump on this and say he ‘roided up to come back a full 6-9 months early. That’s one possibility. The other one? He was never hurt and stayed in the gym.
A new WWE Films project was just announced, featuring…John Cena. He will need some time off to film it, of course…unless he already did so.

With the internet now making a swerve close to impossible to pull off, it would not surprise me in the least if Vince and company wanted to try and pull one over the smart fans. The only way to do that would be with a hugely deep and intricate work, which this would have to be. Look at the fringe benefits: they got the belt off Cena without jobbing him, they got some faces into title-shot contention without relying on repeated face vs face matches, and they have a white-hot angle heading into Mania.

The question on my mind now is, How far has the “work” gone? If they were swerving us with Cena, maybe Lashley’s situation is a swerve too? Could he show up any day now, attack a main event face (looking at you HHH), get uber heat and end up with a marquee match at Mania? In a way, that would be a bigger deal than Cena coming back, because they would have gone even further to get the fans to buy into it. And of course, you’re left wondering where, if anywhere, Big Show fits in to the equation. Do they hold him for No Way Out and let him make an impact there, costing someone the match? Or is that a better place for Lashley to return?

Of course, with Cena back and winning the Rumble, I was looking forward to him challenging Orton at Mania. In 10 minutes on Monday night, WWE pissed all over one of the few traditions they had established. The decision to have Cena challenge at No Way Out, where the match and likely Cena victory will be overshadowed by two gory Elimination Chamber matches, puzzles me. Cena is a cash cow, no matter how much “smart fans” like to boo him. Challengers winning get bigger pops that champions defending, in general. Why would you burn this match at No Way Out? The only answer I can see is that Raw’s Mania main is a three-way with Orton, Cena and probably HHH or Hardy, clearing the way for Taker/Edge in Taker’s last hurrah. I still think this move cheapens the Rumble win and puts the Elimination Chamber over it in terms of importance, but at least the final outcome should be worth watching.

Punk – Chavo…still?
You’d think that having to fight CM Punk 4 times before finally getting a title shot would make Chavo a non-contender, or at least make him look like a minor irritant. No, of course not. He gets his title shot, and then wins it through shenanigans. OK, fine, they’re moving Punk on, right? I mean, the matches with Chavo hardly set the wrestling world on fire, and he has a built-in angle with Edge just waiting to explode. No, that can’t happen either, as Edge is going to be busy putting over that young buck Undertaker. So Punk, my friend, why don’t we leave you with Chavo so you can regain the European ECW title, or try to. The rumours of him having heat backstage seem fairly easy to explain. The man went out at Survivor Series and got a pop bigger than the Hardys, and almost as big as DX. The crowd was eating him up. Sure the event was in RoH-ville, but he has mainstream appeal too. Watch ECW some time: he gets the only sizeable pop each week. Yet he is spinning his wheels, with his moveset toned down heavily and little to no promo time, which is where he excels. In his position, how much of a crap would you give?

The Way I C The T

I wish I could tell you that I see where TNA are going with there booking. I wouldn’t even mind that much if I could see it and it was bad. The problem is, I literally have no idea where most of the storylines are going. Even the ones that make sense on the base get needlessly complicated and convoluted with extra people, weird twists and strange decisions. I’m sure I don’t need to point out that the Abyss-Mitchell angle is at the forefront of this list of offenders, but take a look at the Booker-Roode story. On the face of it, it’s well done: Roode accidentally (or was it?) strikes Sharmell, does not act remorseful in the slightest, and verbally assaults her in the process. Roode happens to have a valet of his own to take care of any female physicality. But then the angle gets convoluted with the addition of Ms Brooks, who is yet to properly blow off her feud with Roode (that rhymes! Yay!) and Ms Banks. The result is that Brooks is a fifth wheel who really needed to be dealt with storyline-wise before rushing Roode to go into a program with Booker. Add in that Booker is likely to go over in their PPV match and you’re wondering what the point of the angle was.

Same goes for Angle – Cage. These two can have great matches, and did at Final Resolution. The announcement of a rematch made me a happy bunny. But this over-the-top campy crap with AJ is dominating the angle, and now they introduce Tomko to the story, monster push and all. Oh, and did I mention Styles and Tomko are the tag team champs? So instead of them being in their own angle with their opponents, building some heat for one of the two things TNA does best (Tag teams and women’s wrestling), they’re add-ons to a world title feud that should be able to stand on its own without this “fight over the lackeys!” nonsense.

Speaking of the tag titles, what in the blue bananas is Bob Armstrong doing on my TV in a wrestling ring in 2008? At least BG James was relevant at one point in the last 15 years, but when was Bullet Bob last relevant? TNA have so many young, talented teams on the verge of being over big-time. Not only should VKM or Bob Armstrong not be anywhere near a tag title match (or a wrestling ring, but hey), but really Tomko and Styles should not be holding the belts. They would both be much better off as upper midcard singles competitors trying to get into title contention. LAX, Rock and Rave, MCMG, even a thrown-together X-Division team could be holding the titles and giving us some great tag team wrestling to watch in the mean time.

Which brings me to the X Division. What on earth is going on? First we have a 6-man Ultimate X match for possession of the belt itself, but not the actual title. This is won by the guys who have no right to the belt. Huh? Hold on though, because now that guy IS the actual champion. So wait, if he was going to go over anyway, why not just put the strap on him after Ultimate X? Next up, a match that pits the future of the X Division against Russo-rific skits of the Dudleys trying to lose weight. Are TNA going to sign Bobby Dempsey or something? There would be no point in having the belt change hands only to nix the entire division, and Russo won’t pass up the chance to make some fat jokes, so you can count on 3D losing. Again, the feud itself is a great idea, old vs new, but the story is convoluted beyond what it needs to be.

What else do they have going on? Well, we’ve got Shark Boy doing a hilarious but ultimately pointless Stone Cold impression, Scott Steiner feuding with Mini-Me, I mean Petey Williams, and Eric Young and James Storm fighting over a spinner belt with a beer bottle on it. Sharky, and to a lesser extent Jay Lethal, are probably doing themselves more long-term harm than good by being involved in these knock-off gimmicks. They might be good for the cheap pop in the short-term, but where are they going? Petey and Scott fighting over briefcases that apparently can be won by anyone who happens to take one is another stupid reason for a good feud. As for the Drinking championship…how much more can we cheapen wrestling?

The Way I C RoH

Apart from the financial woes of almost everyone’s favourite indy, the big stories have been Austin Aries possibly joining the Age of the Fall, and Joey Matthews/Mercury showing up.

Recently, Aries has been refusing to shake hands with his opponents after a match, leading some to speculate that a heel turn and joining Age of the Fall was imminent. Let me point out that I am a big Aries fan, and I’d love to see something give him direction since disbanding the Resilience and failing on two occasions to gain the FIP title from Erick Stevens. That said, I don’t think AotF is the right place for Aries. For one thing, he’s a big name in RoH, and having him play second fiddle to Jimmy Jacobs is a large step backwards. Although I can see Aries fitting in nicely in the stable in terms of personality, I’d much rather see him against Jacobs. Either way, the buildup for the eventual decision has been well executed and has most people looking forward to it. The last time we had a build like this was with BJ Whitmer and the Hangm3n, and I must admit to enjoying the BJ turn.

Joey Matthews was the surprise AotF member at the last weekend of RoH shows, and it looks as though he’s back for at least one more weekend. I haven’t seen much of his work outside of WWE, but he was beyond passable there, and did wonders for John Morrison’s career by showing him the ropes. He’s been in RoH before without disgracing himself (I’m looking at you, Jeff Hardy), so he should be OK. With the money situation, though, how often will we see him?

The Way I C It Rant Edition

With TNA finally getting a drug policy, and the news that WWE’s punishment for a positive marijuana test is the equivalent of a finger-wagging, there’s been a renewed buzz around drugs in wrestling. Having read Bret Hart’s and Chris Jericho’s autobiographies, I was more than a little surprised to see just how rampant drug use is backstage. In the wake of the Benoit tragedy, media experts everywhere were clamouring for a Senatorial review of professional wrestling, which for all intents and purposes would be a Senatorial review of WWE.

You can’t blame them, really. These people turn on their TVs on a Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Friday night and see incredibly muscled guys beating seven shades of hell out of each other, taking their bodies to the limit, then doing it again the next week. They see people like Snitsky and his backne, Masters and his bald spot, and tributes to dead wrestlers on a regular basis. Obviously, questions are going to be asked.

Here’s a question for you: anyone taken a look at Hollywood recently? First Paris Hilton, then Lindsay Lohan and now Britney Spears have all lost the plot due to questionable substances. Now Heath Ledger, a young and talented actor (like all the young and talented wrestlers…), is dead, alleged;y due to drug usage. These young movie and music stars are put under tremendous pressure to perform on tough schedules, meet with fans, and somehow find time to unwind. If the wrestling lifestyle requires steroids and uppers/downers to get through, then without a doubt a Hollywood one does too. When was the last time anyone called for a Senatorial review of the move industry? The music industry?

There are parallels to be drawn. You can forget the sham of a line that wrestling wants to be viewed as a sport and so should be reviewed as a sport. Vince has said numerous times that he’s not in the sports business, he’s in the entertainment business. The sporting aspect of pro wrestling died 12 years ago. Last I checked, movies and music were entertainment too. Kids are far more likely to look up to the Britneys and Heaths of this world than the Cenas and Benoits. Musicians and actors are also far more visible and better known to the public. Let’s put them under the spotlight, see how many of them are left standing.

Random Smooth Move – What the Hell moments 1 and 2

This one was sitting in my Notepad of Ideas for a while, and I thought I had shown these to you already. First, Madoka’s Ranhei:

That’s utterly ridiculous. I can safely say I have never seen anything like that before. It’s sort of a cross between an STO and a flip powerbomb, with a smattering of uranage. But is it better than this, from Masato Yoshino:

The Lightning Spiral, or Ghana-rhea as Jimmy RAVE! called it. Which do you prefer?

Well boys and girls, that’s game, set and match. Shorter than normal this week, but next week, I will endeavour to bring you a couple of match write-ups from some older matches. Until then…