Evolution Schematic 02.23.08: Umaga

Hello all. Welcome to another edition of Evolution Schematic, the only column on 411 that… Uh… Is written by me. Indeed.

Before we get to the big fat Samoan with a killer thumb that has brought you in, I have an uplifting story/call for help.

Ok, so as you may or may not know, I post/play/shill on another site, Stablewars, which you should all go to and play the games on. But regardless, there is a moderate sized but lively and loyal forum group there. And one of the members is in some trouble right now. PFR (which stands for “Please Fire Russo”, so you know he’s cool) has a 4 year old son, and he’s gone into kidney failure. Given that he’s based in America, he didn’t have much help with his prescriptions, having to hock everything not nailed down, at least for the short term stuff. But after a few of days with an appeal up on Stablewars and on Scott Keith’s Blog, ALL of his immediate bills were filled.

Let it never be said that the IWC is a cynical selfish bunch, at least all the time.

However, while the major issue is being dealt with by The Shriners, he still has a fair few bills to pay. So if you’re feeling generous, please send some money via Paypal to [email protected] Even $1 would help him out. Thanks, now onto your regularly scheduled column.

Overview

The main point of this column is to logically and reasonably explain changes. It is never the intention to say “This is how it happened”, but rather “This is how it might have happened, and made sense”. A logical possibility, not an iron clad retelling of fact. Although the tone has not always made this clear (conviction being rather strong at times, and also an air of authority is required for storytelling), that has been the goal. Logical ideas to explain seeming inconsistencies and broken histories, never brought up, never mentioned

To that end, we have, in the past, stated that some people in the Professional Wrestling business are driven by certain states of mind, certain desires. Some are good, wholesome and respected (Tatanka’s quest to represent his people) and others are, well, not normally viewed as ‘positive’, even if the outcome is (Goldberg, A Man Driven By Money). One drive, one ambition, one explanation has explained almost all careers thus far.

Umaga is a rare exception.

For Umaga is a mixture of a couple of different drives, although they sprang from the same basic principal. For Umaga was not always the wild savage we see before us, as much as the WWE wishes us to think of him. No, he’s been around before, a third generation family wrestler, in a tag team, working for Eric Bischoff of all people, which is about as far away from his current persona as you an imagine. So how the heck do you explain that drastic a change?

At heart, Umaga basically wants to be a good wrestler. After all, he’s from a hell of a wrestling blood line, he was trained by his family and formed a tag team with his cousin, and has toured the world plying his trade. But that only got him so far.

That high point, that inability to reach the next level, led to his transformation… at least at first. Because once you start heading down the path of embracing your roots and finding that inner savage, it’s almost impossible to turn back. Where a desire to become a better wrestler once lay, now rests purely a desire to hurt people. Consider this a warning, as we chart the descent.

And sorry, unless you’re a speed reader, this WILL take more than 3 minutes.

Origins- Anoa’i Family. Hard to pronounce, even harder hitters.

Ekmo, as he seemed to be called as a child, was born into the Anoa’i wrestling family, a huge Samoan family that has produced more wrestlers than practically any family not called Hart or Von Erich. Certainly, the family bloodline carries some traits that are most useful in the wrestling business, large heavyset bodies, incredible strength and of course, the famous Samoan Skull. While there are some Samoans in the Wrestling business not related to the family, and most of them share the trademark tough-skullness of the Anoa’is, the fact remains that apart from their most famous member the family all seem to have the trait, and thus have gone a long way in projecting the image.

Like many kids growing up around the business, Ekmo learned the sport quickly, almost by osmosis, and it seems he had no desire, perhaps not even an idea to try anything else.

So he went to get trained, by his uncles at the “Wild Samoan Pro Wrestling Training Center”, and in 1995, debuted on the wrestling world.

Debut- Yes, he’s been around THAT long.

At first, Ekmo wrestled for his uncle’s company, teaming with various family members until he settled into a tag team with his cousin, Kimo, a.k.a Rosey. However, his first major exposure, if you can call it that and if it is genuine, came about once one of his family members began to get a little too cocky and arrogant, thinking that he could make a difference.

Phase 2- So obscure, I’m not sure it’s true.

This is shrouded in some mystery, given the connections to crime families which is in itself a shady area, even without bringing in the Anoa’is.

What is known is that in 1996, the WWF featured a guy called Fatu, who later dubbed himself Rikishi. Fatu was a happy guy, trying to make a difference, going round to street kids, telling them to stay off drugs, fly straight, stay on course, so on and so forth. Usual positive BS.

After a little while of this though, big burly Samoans began shadowing Fatu, watching his matches from the entranceway, stalking him. They never attacked Fatu, but they did make him nervous. Many people claim that Ekmo was one of those men. Some say he wasn’t. It’s hard to tell, but given that it did involve family members, if he was not a direct part of it he certainly knew of it and did nothing to stop it. Eventually Fatu got the message and went off to reinvent himself (again) and Ekmo then went back to learning the trade, gaining experience.

Phase 2b- Pre-3MW.

Ekmo went back to teaming with his cousin, Kimo. The two toured the world, wrestling in WWF farm leagues to Japan to Memphis and elsewhere, the duo winning various titles along the way, calling themselves The Island Boyz. They spent years on the circuit, learning, practicing, training. Eventually though, someone found them and realised they were just what he needed to ensure his product remained fresh.

Phase 3- ‘Did I just say 3 MINUTES?’

Ekmo re-dubbed himself to throw people off the scent and make sure no-one knew who he was and thus grasped his depth and background, a common trick used to confuse your opponent. If an opponent does not know your background, then they probably don’t know you.

Jamal, as he was now calling himself (hey, it’s better than Rosey, a poor attempt at misdirection if ever I saw one), debuted with his cousin on the July 22nd 2002 edition of WWE Raw, one week after Eric Bischoff took the reigns of WWE’s flagship show. Eric knew that if he was to control Raw, to firmly cement his place as Raw GM, he had to control the talent. The higher up, bigger names he had to smooth, he had to smooch, he had to treat them softly softly. But the lower guys? Those he could control via force. So force he got, in the Island Boyz. Their first official acts as Raw’s new ass kickers was to destroy D’Lo Brown and Shawn Stasiak after 3 minutes given that Eric was not entertained by their match.

The next week saw them attacking, after 3 minutes, Moolah and Mae Young. Then Lillian Garcia the next week. And Mini-Dust. And Big Show. And Jimmy Snuka. And Jeff Hardy. And the HLA Lesbians.

Then Eric Bischoff pulled off a major coup, Rico helping him ruin Smackdown’s big publicity stunt of the Commitment Ceremony, Jamal and Rosey running in to destroy Billy, Chuck and Smackdown General Manager Stephanie McMahon.

On the following Raw they had their first setback as Steph outsmarted Bischoff, when she, Billy and Chuck beat him up before Jamal and Rosey could make the save. The challenge was then laid out by Eric, Chuck and Billy vs. Jamal and Rosey for Unforgiven. If Steph’s team won, Eric would kiss her ass. If Jamal and Rosey won, then Steph had to perform HLA that night. Jamal and Rosey won the match, but Eric miscalculated and decided to find a big fat lesbian for Steph to kiss (or it was suggested to him by a mole) and thus Rikishi was able to play the role and ended up beating Eric up and giving him the stinkface.

A week later 3 Minute Warning was officially named as they beat Booker T and Goldust within 3 minutes. Along with their new manager Rico, the duo seemed unstoppable, and headed into the tag team ranks, at Rico’s orderings, to capture Tag Team Gold.

A couple weeks later they were losing 3 on 1 matches against The Big Show.

Phase 4- The Slow Downward Spiral

Under Rico’s leadership, without Bischoff’s full support, the duo began to slip, still dominate physically, but now losing matches occasionally, getting beaten, certainly not getting anywhere near the tag titles. There were dominate wins over young Indy wrestlers and some big names in the tag division, and yet there were handicap losses, and their sole PPV match was the 2003 Survivor Series, where the three of them lost to Jeff Hardy, Bubba Ray and Spike Dudley in an elimination tag tables match, thanks to the true Dudley Boys reforming.

The duo continued to flounder into 2003, losing important matches and only winning easy wins. Eventually, after losing 3 on 1 against Goldberg and other such embarrassments, Jamal left, sick and tired of the treatment he had gotten and wanting to explore other options.

Phase 5- TNA’s another option…

A few months after vanishing from Raw, he popped up on a TNA weekly PPV. Reverting to Ekmo, he came to the air of Sonny Siaki, helping him defeat D’Lo Brown in a casket match in a bit of irony. He and Siaki teamed for several weeks, slowly working their way up the ladder, until he got a better offer from Japan, and left TNA for good at the end of 2003…well…sorta.

Phase 6- Japan and a one shot in TNA.

As 2004 began, Ekmo began wrestling in Japan as Jamal, teaming with, of all people, Justin Credible in tag matches. However, after a few months, he went back to TNA for one match, lured by a big payday, having to put his contract on the line against Alex Shelly for a shot at winning all of Goldylocks money, which was quite substantial. Unfortunately Abyss attacked him and he lost, meaning that Goldylocks won his contract. Luckily she made him stay in Japan, and eventually she lost his contract back to him in an all or nothing 6 person tag match he wasn’t even involved in, so no major harm done (except for some lost income).

But one thing she did, possibly, do was to get him Taiyo Kea as a partner, the Hawaiian Tornado, Jamal taking the nickname of the Samoan Typhoon to match it. The duo was impressive as they dominated All Japan Pro Wrestling, winning the AJPW Unified World Tag Team Championship and the World’s Strongest Tag Team League 2004 tournament. This dominance lasted throughout 2004 and into 2005, and eventually caught the eye of a certain Cuban, who got to Jamal, and convinced him that great things could be his, if he only worked at it.

Phase 7- The transformation.

Jamal was clearly tired of being a tag wrestler. He wanted to be a single’s star. But he knew that he needed an edge, that he had to go to another level to succeed as a solo superstar. His new manager, Armando Alejandro Estrada, agreed, and urged him to embrace his roots.

At first, Jamal just tried to get in touch with the Samoan heritage. He got some tattoos, went back home, trained in the old ways, and just emersed himself in the culture. But the simple re-connection with his past turned darker as he went further and further back. Soon, he was no longer going backwards to become a better wrestler but merely going backwards because of the momentum. Perhaps Estrada welcomed it, embraced it, pushed for it. Maybe it scared him but he had no choice but to go for the ride. Regardless, eventually Estrada got Jamal back into the WWE, but he was no longer Jamal, no longer the man he was when he left.

Phase 8- FOR SAMOA!

Umaga, which means “The End (of the tattooing process)” in Samoan debuted in the WWE at the start of April in 2006, along with Estrada, destroying Ric Flair in his first appearance, after Estrada told Flair he had to retire. Flair then fought Umaga at Backlash, where Umaga dismantled the old man, finishing him off with his new Samoan Spike, proving that it wasn’t just the head that was harder on a Samoan.

Umaga, having established his chops, continued a path of destruction, beating anyone foolish enough to fight him, which seemed to be only up and comers and Eugene at Vengeance. Eventually though, someone else would step up to Umaga that was an actual threat, as when Umaga came out to help the McMahon’s against DX at Summerslam 06, after Umaga had gotten wins over both DX members on previous Raws, Kane came out and brawled with Umaga off into the night, taking exception to Estrada’s claims that Umaga was the new monster on Raw.

The two monsters brawled week in, week out, their Unforgiven match ending up a double count out as they fought out into the crowd and away. Eventually a loser leaves Raw match was signed, and Umaga, still unpinned, beat Kane and sent him to Smackdown, and then beating him again at Cyber Sunday when Kane was voted in as his opponent.

Using this, and his unbeaten streak, to it’s fullest, Umaga moved up the card, after a slight hiccup at the Survivor Series where he was DQed. Estrada made a challenge to John Cena on behalf of Umaga, and Cena accepted, the two having an intense brawl that caused Coach to ban them from touching until 2007.

They did this, Umaga not touching Cena until 2007, as the two built to Umaga’s first shot at a world title at New Year’s Revolution.

Admittedly, Cena got a fluke roll up at the show, but the next month at the Rumble saw a rematch in a Last Man Standing match, and Umaga was sure to win that, right?

Well no, as Cena choked the life out of Umaga and won the match with the ring ropes.

But that didn’t stop Vince McMahon choosing him, however.

Phase 9- FOR VINCE!

Vince chose Umaga as his representative at Wrestlemania 23 in the Hair vs. Hair Battle Of The Billionaires match against Donald Trump. Immediately after this announcement, Umaga won the IC title. Once Bobby Lashley was chosen by Donald, he had many a brawl with Lashley leading up to the show. Afterwards, once Lashley beat him, he continued to fight him, Vince intent on humiliating Bobby. Umaga beat on Lashley, Bobby helped Santino Marella beat Umaga for the IC title. Umaga helped Vince win the ECW title at Backlash, Lashley destroyed him and the McMahon’s at Judgement Day, then again at One Night Stand.

He then floundered slightly, getting DQed against Santino at Vengeance when he tried to win his IC title back. However, a week later he got the job done, and was IC champ once more.

Phase 10- FOR…the fans?

After injuring Santino, and beating Jeff Hardy at the Great American Bash, things were looking up for Umaga, even if Estrada was gone by this point. So much so, that the fans began to get behind Umaga, given that he attacked Kennedy and Carlito who were despised. At Summerslam he retained his IC belt in a triple threat match against both men, and a new career as a beloved destroyer seemed to be starting.

Phase 11- FOR…get it.

The next night on Raw however, he attacked Jeff Hardy, then lost the title to him a week later AND was severely injured by HHH later that night.

He returned a few weeks later and went after HHH, but was unable to defeat him, unable to outsmart him, losing to Hunter at seemingly every turn, being pinned at No Mercy in a WWE title match, losing at Cyber Sunday in a street fight, his team losing to HHH’s team at Survivor Series, he just couldn’t get that win, so he eventually stopped trying.

Today- This is the Samoan Bulldozer?

Today, Umaga is not quite the monster he once was. He seems to lose as often as he wins, people have learnt how to outsmart him, how to beat him. So he has two choices. Either go further down, further back into becoming even more of a savage bastard, or he has to try and regain his smarts, pull himself back and learn a bit, and try to avoid being outsmarted.

Either way, it’ll be tough.

Conclusion

Overall, this is a study of two men. The man before the change, and after it. The man who decided he had to become a savage to win, and the savage that was thus created. The unthinking monster and the desperate man.