Last week I hit a bit of a flub as I put far more work on Larry Csonka than he should have to do with editing my columns, so this week I made it a priority to avoid such flubs ever again.

A full week of chaos in the wrestling world, apparently, as we saw so much action and big deals that would impact this week’s Wrestler of the Week [5.12.08: Week 6] plus causing banter and jokes about several guys of which I’m surprised Bayani Domingo was allowed to print in his column – a column that leads me to believe that I should have a bigger man crush on him than on Ari Berenstein. See that, Bauer, it’s Berenstein not BERNSTEIN. For that little flub, Mike, you lose all rights to call me Wookie – now if I can only get Tyminski to drop that considering I’ve since taken up the hobby of shaving. I’ll get about to whoring out these guys columns, as usual, later on, but for now, let’s get viral.

Mass Scriptures: A Clot of Confusion

Mass Scriputres: The Guilty Truth

Mass Scriptures: From the Inbox

Focusing on… TNA: Who’s At Fault?

Focusing on… TNA: Bleeding the Panda

Focusing on… TNA: Fantasy Booking Time

Focusing on… PWG: Dynamite Duumvirate Tag Team Title Tournament Round Up

Weekly Scriptures: NYC ROH Fans Expiration Date – Past Due

Weekly Scriptures: I Love Bayani

Weekly Scriptures:Uncomfortable Feelings? In Your Pants, Perhaps?

Weekly Scriptures:Matt Brown Will Roundhouse Kick You Home For Free

A Clot of Confusion

So last week, we had Davy make a comment that was aimless. Reading it over I really thought it was intended for lightning116, but apparently he didn’t think so, as he expressed with his latest comments.

I don’t think those comments from Davy were directed at me, but okay. As for Shelton and Elijah, people saying they should be pushed for the ECW title, 4 questions (3 from Crazymike’s conversation on Skype): are they big draws, do they have charisma, who can picture them with the title and why? By why, I mean “why” should they be pushed? And don’t sell me that they can wrestle, cause there’s a lot of guys who couldn’t wrestle for crap (Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan), along with guys who were more known for their characters instead of their wrestling skills (Austin and Rock) who went on to hold a LOT of championships. Benjamin ain’t a draw (obviously), he’s taken too long to be able to work a mic and I don’t see anyone (other than the IWC) picturing him as the ECW champion. Burke, while not a big draw, does have the charisma and has the looks that the WWE would look for. Sadly, creative forgot about him. Oh well……… That’s the strange thing I can never really understand about fans regarding faces and heels, though the way you did it helped me out a bit. Especially regarding Cena and people stating that he should turn heel without giving good reasons. And I’m not gonna say anything about Raw. Only that a lot of these guys such as John Cena, Carlito, Ken Kennedy, London and Kendrick, Matt Hardy, etc. were getting along very well and were potential main eventers there until Raw decided: “let’s raid SmackDown because we’re too lazy and can’t make our own stars.” Hell, Edge was a legit threat to the WWE title on SmackDown when the draft started. A neck injury and surgery later, he’s back being a tag team/I.C champion again. Where the hell did they go wrong with THAT? Simply put, they got to stop relying on SmackDown and ECW too Goddamn much or else.

I certainly will say this about the ideal of Cena turning heel and that’s he needs to do this to freshen up his character and add back the edge that made him interesting and entertaining in the first place. He’s become too much of a clean cut character that is far too reminiscent of the 80’s character faces that the WWF loved to sell to us fans for so long and we’ve certainly grown tired of that as we’ve shown in the past by pushing to see more characters that were different and edgy – relatable to the new-aged fans who aren’t into the whole clean cut good guy image.

At this point in time John Cena needs to be repackaged in a way that gets fans to get off of the concept of hating him being the cool thing and the only way to establish this is turning him heel. If everyone is supposed to hate him, then the cool thing would no longer be to hate him but to like him again. That’s the thing, this trend has to be shifted and in a big enough way that perhaps you leave the fans scrambling.

On the other spectrum of comments that seem to be lost on what was written last week, The Truths of Truths had this to state.

The reason the WWE barely “creates” new stars is the lack of managers. They send out these vanilla performers that the crowd can’t get behind or boo because the characters don’t have enough charisma to make you care. Where would the midnight express be without Jim Cornette? They would’ve been the Fantastics. An okay team, not legendary. Precious Paul Ellering was with the Road Warriors until he was no longer needed. Powers of Pain, Demolition, etc. Hercules Hernandez, by himself, no charisma, with the Brain, we boo. Wrestling needs managers to ease the transition to the big time for the young or non-charismatic wrestlers. Until then, we’ll see more and more Chris Masters (Heenan would’ve got him over) characters. Bring Flair in to manage a stable of wrestlers. Bring Arn in to mold a tag team into champs. The writers do a poor job of making you care about anyone other than their main eventers.

Of course, last week, I stated that it was RAW that couldn’t create their stars, not the WWE. And no, it’s not the fact that they don’t have managers about in their product, though they still need to be present in the product to help out certain guys who really need them. Currently the WWE has created a slew of stars, but most have come out of the ranks from SmackDown! or are still remnants from the Attitude Era. Edge, Cena, Batista, Kennedy, these are guys that the WWE can proudly claim they helped to create and sell as being their own creations. They market them well and actually do well in business with them.

Whatever the case, though, it seems many will believe that WWE is failing today though their numbers and finances say otherwise. Many won’t accept that their pay-per-views thus far have been good and enjoyable because it’s not the cool thing to state, but this all seems like a rant for another time.

The Guilty Truth

And finally rounding out this week’s reader write-up, Mina had this to state about one of my comments in last week’s article.

“Fans don’t care about what came before their time of enjoyment as they weren’t around to see it, nor does it appeal to them because it lacks the overly glitzy and heavily glamour products we see today.” I realize that you’re making a rather general statement that doesn’t apply to everyone. As a relatively new aficionado of wrestling, I made it a point to study its history. I read everything I could, both internet and print, and am still collecting knowledge of the history into present day. I’ve watched what I can find on the older eras. Yeah, this includes WWE 24/7 On Demand, but at least the offerings have old school matches, PPVs, and other shows. Am going to have the same emotional attachment to the greats and trailblazers that are no longer working than I do with the crop of characters that I’ve watched week in and week out? Probably not; but I’m an odd bird in that I do develop an attachment to wrestlers that are retired that I’m making a point to watch and get to know. Anyway, a possible ray of hope here for you, Jarrod. Some of the “newer” fans do care enough to take a look into history and appreciate the contributions made to the business.

I know and understand this, but unfortunately for us all, Mina, fans such as yourself seem to be far and few between. It’s a shame because many fans should care about the history of this industry and should take into account the rest of world outside of the media wrestling product. Like I’ve said before, those fans who complain about a good wrestling alternative to the WWE don’t need to just try and latch on to TNA seeing as their focus is heavy on storylines, and there are other promotions outside of the media wrestling product that actually delivers a stronger wrestling style that may appeal to them. But hey, I’m always grateful to see a new fan who does like to learn about the industry and accept as many forms of wrestling entertainment as possible. If only more fans could be opened up to other promotions and enjoy the past wrestling product.

From the Inbox

Finally, as usual wrapping up from my inbox is Steven Lavender who had this to add to all of the drama of last week.

The argument that the best wrestlers in the world are in the wwe might have held water 10 years ago, when the wwe actually scouted for independant wrestlers. Currently, if you look at the roster of FCW, it’s mostly all ex-football players, next generation wrestlers, and wrestlers who have worked with other companies. The company that has the best argument of having the “best in the world” is ROH or one of the other top independant companies. They actually bring people in based on talent, rather than look. Do they have the “best wrestlers in the world”. No. I don’t see Kurt Angle, Edge, Shawn Michaels, and The Undertaker on their list. They are missing some crucial parts of having the best wrestlers in the world. Every company has their own group of really good wrestlers. That’s the bottom line.

I’m sure everyone can come to agree that every promotion has its goods to offer – except TNA they can only offer heartache and headaches. Once more every promotion has some strength in their roster, and if I were to state who had the overall best roster in the wrestling world, right now, it goes to TNA every year, hands down. I honestly don’t think they’ve ever had a truly weak roster under their wings, even when they debut with The Johnson’s running around looking like loose and used condoms stuffed with over jacked body builders – just try and burn that image out of your minds now.

The sum of a roster’s talent and worth is its versatility and variety of styles to keep a wide range of people entertained. While the WWE‘s large roster boasts a lot of big names, it also hosts a lot of talents that aren’t very good, lack in direction and focus, hold shallow or no character depth, and [the roster] simply is far too large to really keep up with everyone within it. At some point you’re going to forget someone is there until they’re thrown into a pay-per-view card for the sake of giving them a real paycheck and saying “we’re using this talent so all you whiners out there stop crying we need to release him into the wild for your amusement, you fucking hippie scumbags.” And yes, I’m certain Vince McMahon thinks of us as hippie scumbags and would love nothing more than to clean us all off with some Ivory Springs…just so he has a fun Ivory joke to relay to all of his friends when referencing the things he probably did, but mostly fantasized about doing to her as Johnny Ace sits in the corner and watches.

Who’s At Fault?

Written prior to Sacrifice on 5/8/08
This is going to probably end up being more of a rant worthy of going under the Weekly Scriptures section, but I’ll try my best to rebound this under the fantasy booking section as best I can. And though I know the world doesn’t need another long winded rant about how bad things in TNA are, nor do we need another self-professed “guide of answers” to be written about this company, but this is all things that needs to be said as TNA heads into Sacrifice, and things still seem to be amiss with this company in one way or another. I don’t know whether to sugarcoat it by going with the good first, or start off staunch and drill this company for the negatives first – it’s really a tossup. Maybe if I start off positive I can soften the blows for when I want to go for blood.

Could TNA‘s iMPACT! be stale in ratings because of Spike TV?

We’ll begin by stating the obvious – TNA‘s ratings are horribly stagnate. I know someone made the comparison of TNA‘s ratings, along with their overall business being equivalent to that of a baseball player who’s batting average peaks out and remains consistent, while all their other numbers go up [such as OBP and SLG] It’s almost a fair comparison if you really sit and think about it. My problem with it is that the pay-per-view buyrates, something that TNA gets more revenue for over their weekly television programming [iMPACT!] remain stale and God awful, even if they are only estimations. This is a company that, when I’ve taken my potshots at, is more along the lines of an indy level promotion with a nationally syndicated television deal they can only afford thanks to their backers. Their level of appeal remains that of an indy level company but many decry that this company is still growing. I’ve already said all I wanted to say about that little myth [Scripted Through Sin 4.22.08: A Viral Clash of Styles] but we’re going to focus in on those ratings seeing as many try to weave the tall tailed myth that they’re on the climb when the story of those numbers speak for themselves.

While the Spike TV deal was a blessing for TNA it was also a curse. Here you had an upstart promotion that was already staggering out of a bad relationship with Fox Sports Network that resembled eerily to the dysfunctional relationship between The Nashville Network [later The National Network] and ECW, and nearly killed itself trying to kick start its mass appeal via a “kiss of death” deal that saw them work weekly pay-per-views without an actual fan base established. A move onto a network that had just finished repackaging itself to a demographic that falls in line greatly with what TNA could bank off of and relied heavily upon, it seemed like the perfect coupling once the WWE made up their minds to travel back to the USA Network.

Now TNA is stuck in a bad spot. There is no room behind that glorious, glittering glass ceiling they’ve hit. There is no skyline beyond that 1.2 rating they’ve kept rattling off of, at least not on Spike TV.

The thing to take into account here is that this promotion is only going to do so well as the network they’re on, and seeing as this network is weak, then TNA is destined to do some poor showings in comparison to the WWE‘s weekly programs. The reason for this is that Spike TV doesn’t have enough of its own programming that interests enough people to want to tune in. It’s generally regarded as the “CSI replay” network, as most of its programming is centered around their syndication deal for CSI episodes. Besides iMPACT!, Spike’s original programming contains UFC programming, which outside of the Ultimate Fighter series, is mostly just replays and highlights of previous fights that could range from decades ago. The other original programs on Spike would be D.E.A. which is much like COPS, redneck, hillbilly entertainment teevee, I Bet You Will which is something MTV had to have rejected about 10 years ago, and Pros vs. Joes which can’t be doing all that well in the ratings. TNA can’t succeed if there isn’t a wide enough range of viewers watching the station they’re on so obviously they’re going to be stuck entertaining the same audience they’ve attracted since they moved to a more friendly day to air their program.

The best thing TNA could do is to find a bigger network to draw in a larger audience, but they’re not only in a position that doesn’t allow them any ground to get a good deal on another network it also doesn’t help out their pay-per-view buyrates in any way. That’s an entirely different matter that possibly has no solution that can be linked to the issues of the network they’re on. But perhaps the appeal of their weekly shows is what drives fans away from ordering certain pay-per-views considering the better (estimated) drawing pay-per-views were ones featuring a big time main event that had a TNA homegrown talent involved – namely Samoa Joe.

With Sacrifice passing by with Joe in the leading role taking on Steiner and Angle [Kaz], the odds are this pay-per-view won’t be tipping the scales in favor of showing TNA that the fans are behind Joe’s reign because the rest of the pay-per-view was poorly done. A tag tournament that was gimmicked up and more a punishment for the actual tag teams who had to fight their way into the right to win the held up tag titles while the single superstars got an easy pass into this event, a women’s division that was shown to be a joke once the regular writing staff got their grubby little mitts on it, and another cage match after an entire card of cage matches just last month. It’s clear this company has many issues regarding their own insecurities and inadequacies to write compelling storylines and characters for their entire roster, or at least often enough to keep fans interest in their product in a big enough way to keep them coming back for more. These are the types of things I griped about with the WWE for nearly 4 years when they had an easy quick fix button sitting around them in OVW in Paul Heyman – TNA has that quick fix button in their reigns now in Jim Cornette. Add to that they have Mike Tenay who has a strong mind for this industry, plus can utilize Nash’s talents as well. Together they can make this work, but for whatever reason, the only men in charge of this direction are Mantell, Jarrett and Russo.

This all brings me about to the negatives – something TNA can’t blame on an inadequate television network.

Bleeding the Panda

I’ve said it before about how the fans of this company love to spin the facts and ignore the context behind the stories they push as showing “growth” within this company [Scripted Through Sin 4.22.08: A Viral Clash of Styles – The General Consensus of TNA] and those words still stand. This company still owes a lot to Panda Energy, and still owes a lot to the Carter family especially Dixie.

Speaking of whom, Dixie Carter is certainly someone that needs to be seated down and talked to like an adult so she can stand up as an actual owner over her investment that seems to be sinking. Dixie, at this point, gets away with so much just because of her gender and the lip service she pays to the fan base of this company, claiming that TNA listens to its fans and tries to give them what they want, when really all they keep doing is dishing out to the fans what they think they want and over complicating things by showing their lack of build by sticking a million gimmicks and stipulations onto a card. It’s the same bullshit that RAW gets away with as they stick a million stars on their program, most of whom were created on other brands and shows, all to compensate that they can’t write and tell compelling stories – or at least that was the big case with this brand from 2003 to about 2007.

Let’s look at it like this – we saw a series of cage matches at Lockdown, most of which didn’t even utilize that cage the way you’d expect that card to, only to turn around and give us, at Sacrifice yet another cage match. Whether it’s a newly designed cage with a more complex structure hosting the “escape to win” rules, it’s still a cage match. And the worst part about it is the lack of build into this match, but because it’s the X-Division’s match the fans will throw out the lack of build and only look at the in-ring wrestling product here. They will not care, in the least, that this had no story and no reason to occur outside of just doing yet another cage match and sticking as many people from the X Division into a pay-per-view card that’s already overbooked to hell with a tag team tournament, a Knockouts gimmick battle and a triple threat main event. This company is certainly showing its own weakness on the booking front.

But everything starts from the top and that top is Dixie’s unwillingness to step on toes and get what she feels is important. She seems timid to speak up and put down Jarrett’s vision of this product as he continues to treat this as his pal-club as was evidenced when he brought back Scott Hall who has a history of skipping shows whenever he feels they’re an inconvenience to him. Dixie seriously needs to step in and run this company as it’s her money being sunk into this well and the return seems to be so far and in between that Panda Energy may never get their full return on the investment. That brings me to this thought – if Vince McMahon said the things that Dixie does fans would call bullshit and scream foul on his lies and slander, but because it comes from the more unknown and fairly more attractive owner of the upstart company that is cool to get behind because it’s anti the big monopoly conglomerate in the WWE she gets away with it. If TNA is listening to the fans, truly, then why are they still making fundamental mistakes that seem to turn away their fans from buying their products? DVD sales aren’t doing that great for a majority of their events, or even DVD specials, and their pay-per-view buys are suffering. TNA tends to make daft mistakes like punishing Tyson Tomko for his decision to keep up with a date with NJPW during the TNA Lockdown fan fest, but didn’t just punish Tomko, as evident in the 4.17.08 edition of iMPACT!, they punished AJ Styles by having him lose his half of the tag team titles and eating the pin, they punished LAX by having them involved in a triple threat tag title match but not actually involving themselves in the outcome of the match outside of taking out Tomko, and they punished Kaz by having him hit a high spot (Flux Capacitor) only to have to make a tag to Super Eric for no reason when he had things well under control. And throughout all of that, TNA also punished its fans in the process of trying to go about adding “freshness” to their tag division with a convoluted tournament scheme that was not only predictable in its pairings of the “Egotistical Eight” but further showed that this was just a ploy to waste time to a card that could have done more by giving time for matches to build meaning and depth to them.

Dixie Carter (right) is the majority owner of TNA but doesn’t seem to act like it.

Let’s be brutally, cut-throat fucking honest here – Dixie gets a free pass because she has a great set of tits and says the right things to the adolescent boys who are ready to rebel against the WWE for daring to try something new that isn’t in the same light as the Attitude Era.

The same slow matches they liked 10 years ago on their wrestling? Unacceptable! Not after they learned of fast paced wrestling such as the X Division.

Follow ROH? Not convenient enough as they don’t have a television deal, so they don’t matter.

The fact of the matter is, if an wrinkled up 50 year old oil tycoon who was probably [an alleged] customer of Ashley’s was feeding you these sweet stories about listening to the fans and giving them what they want despite hearing massive “fire Russo” chants at two of their in-house events which features many of the same fans in attendance, fans would grow wise to the bullshit from the old hag lying to them and cripple this company by leaving in a massive flood that not even Moses could part and round back up to the Orlando rat nest.

She needs to step up and take control. Fuck Jarrett’s vision, it’s not his money being sunk into this project that’s being lost, it’s hers. This is her investment as she’s the reason this company has even lasted as long as it has, and it’s her responsibility to stop paying lip service and actually paying customer service to her fans. When the fans are buying pay-per-views with Joe in the main event for years, you don’t keep waiting on pulling the trigger to make him a main eventer, you strike while the iron is hot – no one ever second guessed that the WWF should have waited longer on Steve Austin to prove he belonged in that role, and those who did were probably mocked by now – thoroughly and brutally.

So what is being accomplished here for the fans of TNA? A series of over gimmicked matches, a lack of story for some of their pay-per-view’s undercard, but so long as the wrestling is good they’ll continue to voice out how great this product is and how wrong it is for anyone to voice out against this “amazing” company. The fans don’t seem to mind what they’re getting so maybe we shouldn’t expect better of this company and allow those (who enjoy this product) to continue enjoying a lackluster product. Perhaps the rest of us who want to enjoy this product, but can’t because of the huge faults they make, should kill all hope and faith we have in this company and forget it even exists – let the current crop of fans keep the company as is, faults and flaws intact.

Fantasy Booking Time

Like I promised, I’ll try and do something related to booking this company for the sake of keeping this from just being viral blurbs that belong under the Weekly Scriptures banner. So after seeing the results of Sacrifice, let’s get into some things.

Kaz is money, and it’s about time TNA recognize this and listen to its fan base and accept that what the fans want is a younger, more athletic main event scene. You already have established the field with Samoa Joe as the champion, but about the only reason we can get Kaz into that scene now, and possibly other younger and more athletic talents that tend to make up the bulk of the X Division or did at one point, is through a tragedy or mishap [Chris Harris taking a spot in King of the Mountain that was highly speculated and rumored to be going to Jeff Jarrett being another example] We have strong, young talents who are capable in the ring and on the mike, but yet we’re subjugated to endure rematches of Angle and Joe, Cage and Angle, we have to see Steiner getting a role there when his role should be to sit in the upper mid card and put over talents who are ready for the main event.

Let’s look at it like this; you have a strong talent in Matt Morgan who has to build his way to the main event, understandably. The issue with that is the way they’re going about building him up so far – he comes off as whiney and complaining but yet is expected to get over as a face. It doesn’t work like that, and for good reason: who wants to cheer for a whiner?

With the right build and momentum that plays off of his past with Cage and Joe, Morgan should be in the main event before the end of the summer and rightfully so seeing as he is what TNA‘s product needs to focus more on. Unfortunately, Morgan is suffering from bad booking at the moment and may not get that sort of rise up there until later than what I’d find acceptable. There is, however, a way to ratify this as Booker T has become a heel which almost makes no sense at the moment. A feud with Booker, and a fresh start with his character taking the right turn could equate into Morgan moving up and keeping on pace for a main event spot towards the end of the summer.

With Morgan aside and working up the ladder, you still have AJ Styles waiting to evolve his character and further his love triangle storyline with Kurt Angle. TNA has to strike while the iron is still hot around that, though it has been cooling down a lot these past two months. Styles is easily viable for the main event scene as well as Angle.

On the other end of the spectrum, you have a lot of question marks about as to who works out in that you don’t have enough guys established in a big enough way to put up against the World Champion. Storm hasn’t proven to be a big enough star attraction to get that slot; Sting is everything TNA needs to avoid from now on; Tomko is serving out a punishment over his clashing of personal interests; Christian Cage is working closely with Rhino; Rhino is working with Cage in the tag field and the both of them, I feel, are probably going to finish working out their deal with Team 3D; Robert Roode is just not a big enough attraction and certainly not good enough to be in that type of field considering he works such a slow paced style that is a slowed down WWE style. Some people need to be better pushed before we can even consider them. So instead, what their main event looks like is this:

TNA Main Event Currently Samoa Joe Scott Steiner Kurt Angle Christian Cage Sting

TNA Main Event Should Be Samoa Joe Kaz Kurt Angle Christian Cage AJ Styles Matt Morgan

But other names you could throw in there would be are Christopher Daniels simply because he’s athletic and has a great way with words and he’s someone you can relate to as being someone TNA created even if that’s not really the case. You could build around Storm eventually if you give him enough momentum. He certainly has a good way with words, but unfortunately he hasn’t established himself in that role yet and he may not have that sort of momentum until early next year with the way they’ve been working around him. You have some credibility around Lethal as well, and he’s proven himself with Angle just like Kaz proved himself against Angle. You can easily slot in Lethal for some confrontations with the main event and establish it as being a true alternative to the WWE‘s product and their main event.

So what’s TNA going to do with their main event? Are they going to learn from this experience? Are they going to accept that the fans want to see a younger main event that is more athletic and more daring in the ring? Or will TNA continue to turn both a blind eye and a deaf ear to the fans wants and desires and continue to try and give them what they think the fans want? Only time can tell. We can only hope they listen to its fans – and not just the apologists who classify that everything TNA does is great, listen to the realistic TNA fans.

Dynamite Duumvirate Tag Team Title Tournament Round Up

While I’m going to be doing something around PWG‘s DDT4 event this weekend on Buy or Sell, I still feel up to talking about this event – namely, I feel like better explaining my idea so Bayani has a clue as to what I failed to appropriately explain last week.

Giving it some great thought, I couldn’t figure out who is available for the weekend and who has a relationship and is big enough to roll in the main event of PWG, so we’ll scrap that. But the main structure of the tournament remains and the result should still remain as such. The only thing changing about this event is the incentive at the end – the winner of the tournament not only gets the tag team title, but the person to score the winning fall in the finals of the tournament also earns the PWG World Championship. If the plan is for Steen and Generico to retain in this event then perhaps you have Steen and Generico show some unity by declaring they will both defend the title with honor, or you lead to the split of the unit coming over the title or who was responsible for the title being lost.

Though I really convoluted that idea last week – something I criticize about TNA every week, so I guess I was just being ironical last week – the concept would be they keep the PWG World Championship in the picture of the storylines they have set up currently and establish something for the long term. It also keeps the title around and doesn’t leave the fans wondering how long before they crown a new champion, never detracting from the shows and the current tournament they have established. After all it’s the fans who distract themselves by other means, such as with ROH the fans place it into their minds that Nigel McGuinness isn’t good and that the main event will be bad, thus the overall show will be bad, so they place in themselves the desire and longing for a good event that’ll crown a “worthy” champion. Up until that point they’ll wine and complain, detract the value of the show and underrate it to such a degree that it may turn off other fans from wanting to watch the show when it is released out on DVD.

But maybe Bayani is right, let’s leave the tag tournament alone and focus on crowning a champion around July. After all, he would know better than I about the state of the product, the stories and the directions of the characters. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

NYC ROH Fans Expiration Date – Past Due

While Ari romanticizes the memories of ROH in NYC (Column of Honor: 05.10.08: The New York City Marahton), I sit here in the aftermath of their debut at the Hammerstein Ballroom thinking to myself that not only has the New York crowd become tainted, jaded and pompous, but they’re spoiled beyond all comprehension.

This crowd has become obnoxious and overbearing, taking for granted everything they’re handed and all they can do is continue to whine and complain, bemoan that the main event was trash as Nigel McGuinness and Claudio Castagnoli put on a showing that was worthy of the main event stage. There was a large enough scattering of these imbeciles drooling and droning out their drunken banters and their venomously laced rants about the state of this company and how they now lack main eventers, or how certain wrestlers are “fags” – yes, because Jimmy Jacobs fighting another man over the affections of a woman is totally queer. Chants of “same old shit” are only ironic of the fans and further display the lack of intelligence in the crowds. Every show of Ring of Honor becomes a screaming fest about their hatred and lack of interest in John Cena.

These fans sit on their hands, thumbs squared up their asses, when Allison Danger makes her return to the company for a segment that would be blown out of proportion by the fans who hate sports entertainment but still support it by attending and purchasing ROH DVD’s, as well as other wrestling events. What does this company do? They coddle them and baby them. They give in to their critiques and spare the rest of their fans what they’ve come to enjoy all because a few drunken twats hated what they saw at the New York show the week before.

ROH took a cowards exit on the Larry Sweeney segment by editing it down to such a pace that it made things look far more innocent then what they were, leaving those who weren’t in attendance to really side with those of us screaming the segment wasn’t bad or even in poor taste. They never got the chance to even form their own opinion upon the subject matter. But the company pressed on and continued to roll with it.

Prior to that, we changed their champion. Who was once viewed as a hot baby face, one who you could put some sympathy behind as he quickly fell into bad luck once gaining the ROH World Championship by seemingly getting injured for every New York title defense date he had, barring Rising Above. New Yorkers didn’t like this to such an extent that about a third of them grew negative towards Nigel for all the daft and dumb reasons they hate Cena – stupid bullshit that should warrant them getting slapped around while they’re nicknamed “Sue”. It was a minority of the fans that were tired of Nigel being unable to defend the title at a New York show, but during the course of his run, Nigel was still beloved and still a favorite elsewhere. What did ROH do? They planted the seeds of a heel turn at Sixth Anniversary Show and went the route of appeasing the few, once again. The fans outside of the New York area had no say in the matter and had to deal with the New Yorkers bullshit once more as their once beloved champion was now a dishonorable prick who had basically morphed into Randy Orton 2.0

For all of the great memories and moments we get within this company in New York, some have grown jaded and uncaring of such amazing announcements as Murder City Machine Guns return to ROH and New York at the Hammerstein Ballroom on August 2nd. While the fans were popping huge for Steen, the fans weren’t nearly as loud as you’d expect for an announcement such as that. A return of the Guns at the Ballroom, with a potential rubber match with the Briscoe’s was reason alone for me to want to put whatever little money I have left in my bank account to the table to reserve my tickets for the show, but some of these fans didn’t even seem to care as the noise level was only mediocre.

Now a sea of fans is crying that this show was foul. It didn’t live up to expectations and was poorly done despite the fact the crowd was hot for more than 80% of the show, and that everything was enjoyable. In fact, I can’t find fault with this show considering everything they did made sense and was executed as best it could and the in-ring wrestling was fine. Would this rank up as highly as Manhattan Mayhem? Perhaps not, but this certainly wasn’t a revised edition of ROH Gold, or anything from their 2003 collection. But of course, the over opinionated dillweeds of New York would beg to argue and claim this show didn’t fire on any cylinders apparently.

For me, the news about ROH wanting to pull back on dates in New York was a good decision and one that should humble this crowd to appreciate the show, the direction, and the faults of a worker being injured and unable to attend and defend a fucking chunk of metal. But then ROH goes and announces a return as early as August – that’s not enough time to pass and allow these fans to grow humble. This city needs a punishment for becoming so superficial and overindulgent in their own arrogance and ideals that they matter more than the show or the rest of the fans of this company. They truly are the elitists of this community and they leave fans trying to get into ROH with a bitter taste in their mouth, as was expressed by bighustle in this comment:

You know what, i didn’t see this show, i was at work. But afer being at the ROH show last night, all i have to say is that the IWC and the so-called die hard fans, are nothing but whiney little biatches. I’ll see this show at some point and judge for myself, but these fans no matter what, can never be happy with anything. That’s just my opinion. I’ll have to see it for myself, maybe this show was that bad. but wrestling fans are whiny little biatches in general. So long…

I feel the same way, though his sentiments are aimed at those who always lash out at TNA. I’d love to lash out more at this fan base for becoming so pompous and overbearing that no one can bring themselves to enjoying a solid showing from ROH all because they have this notion that they’re right and that if you don’t agree with them then you’re a moron. Sorry morons, you’re the drooling retard in the corner trying to get yourself over at a show that doesn’t, and by all rights shouldn’t, revolve around you and your half-witted nonsense and bullshit.

Hey, ROH fans, the company’s always had a sports entertainment edge about it. That’s what makes it so appealing and gives you so many grand and tremendous moments. I’ll tell you right now, Foley and Steamboat weren’t wrestling ***** matches that got you thinking fondling about the 2005 season, but rather talking into a microphone.

I feel like the less I say about this the calmer I can get and the more focused on finishing this column out for the week, but I still have other topics so we might as well move onto those while I’m in a good enough frame of mind to stop ranting about the stupidity of ROH elitist fans who deserve a good smacking.

I Love Bayani

Okay, we all know I have a man-crush on Ari and probably would have to settle for Bauer just because I happen to know him through a mutual friend, but after reading Bayani‘s latest column (Truth B Told 5.8.08: If I Was Invisible…), I think Ari‘s going to have to sit on the sidelines. What can I say? I’m a flaming queen sometimes as certain people will tell you – that would probably explain a lot of things to those who weren’t privy to this information beforehand [but I still love you, Sara]

While I’m sure I could spin this around about how this should be the next pitched reality dating show for VH1 to option, let’s try and gut this out and get on a series track – Bayani took his more popular podium to spew out the things I tried to give great justice last week about how the IWC who is mostly close minded and only enjoy what is easily accessible and known to them is automatically better and that anything outside of their little world doesn’t matter. He put into words things I failed to do, which leaves me to wonder what JP Prag was smoking when he thought I had any talent – silly JP we all know I’m a hack.

The outcome is still the same though – like beating your head into a fucking wall. If only that wall could, however, evolve into a spikey object so that you can simply silence the stupidity out there.

While Bayani put his best foot forward and presented a stronger argument than that of my own, it was still met with the same simple minded ignorance and elitism that one could come to expect of the internet and its army of nameless and faceless trolls that waddle about the likes of such cesspools as /b/ [fuck your rules 1 & 2] While rattling out some information about those who came from the Japan leagues Bayani managed to list off some excellent examples of those who managed success in the major leagues after years of labor in international leagues, namely Japan. That’s the type of information that would silence a sensible human being to lean towards the idea that their original argument was wrong, or flawed in some way, but not here with wrestling fans. And then people fucking wonder why I hate wrestling fans?

The way things seem to pan out around the internet and with wrestling fans in general is if they didn’t see it it doesn’t fucking matter. The sheer ignorance and stupidity of this thought process is insulting enough, but let’s apply it elsewhere, shall we? What about our own resident Aussie of the group, Matthew Sforcina. He’s now officially become a genuine professional wrestler, and being that he works out in the Australia scene, if he were to write up some excerpts of his experience and the scene, itself, would that be somehow discredited? Is it really that unimportant just because you can’t see it happening? I don’t think Matthew should be regarded as being unimportant considering he’s contributing to the community by delivering new content and entertains people around his area able to venture out and see him live. Oh, right, he doesn’t matter because he’s not in the WWE, and his articles never mattered because they were shit, right? I’m sure that’s what a lot of you trolls would love to squat out as you continue to manage to turn on the computer without it exploding in your faces, and as you continue to mangle the English language as you bang your heads [yes, plural you dirty little boys who couldn’t stop looking at that Russian fetish site as you try to “read” this article to find something to spam about] into the keyboard in order to spread out some ignorant and close minded message of hate and self-fellating.

Ugh, great, another topic that leads to anger. Let’s just move on before I punch the monitor and pray that some God exist so he can smite the lot of you.

Uncomfortable Feelings? In Your Pants, Perhaps?

I almost plum forgot to plug in Jake Chambers and his article that practically read as an “you’re inept and can’t figure out how to please a woman like a real man, ala me” but in that sort of right on the money take.

Now, I don’t entirely agree with him on everything he touched up in his latest article, Whacky Wrestling Theory 5.08.08: Faking It, but he got down enough of a solid argument that I can agree with it for the most part. Now having sat through that Cena/Michaels match, and tempted to sit through it again for the sake of really getting it into my mind exactly how the match went, blow by blow, I can say this – Jake is off in his thought that Cena sold his leg thoroughly to the delight of one Shawn Michaels. See, what Chambers fails to include, or simply didn’t note as it was easy to miss, was during Cena’s rally to gain control, Cena charged up his offense with a series of shoulder blocks. So far, this is understandable, he avoids using his leg to nag it and focuses on using his upper body strength to knock Michaels out of control of the match and give himself ample enough time to shake the kinks in his knee to focus on delivering his full strength to put away the older and more seasoned wrestler in Michaels. The problem with this was, of course, that Cena ran without a slight limp.

I contest that Cena didn’t sell his leg properly enough much in the same way Nigel neglected to sell his arm during his battle with Morishima at Undeniable. To then shake off his knee before setting up the Five Knuckle Shuffle was then perceived as insulting as he just sprinted about and looked fine not two seconds ago.

But he’s right about fans handing out free passes for lack of appropriate selling, as I’m sure many will say TNA‘s Terrordome was tremendous for all of the great spots it produces and the quality “wrestling” that took place in the shoddy looking structure. Selling is vital to a wrestling match, and while I think Glenn Gilbertti is a bit off in his rant about the IWC, he is right about how a lot of guys in this industry only care to get in as much offense as they can cram into a match and think of selling as something that’s not necessary. Shit, Raven was better at this sentiment in his Secrets of the Ring DVD (yes, I’m talking about the first one) as he pointed out that a lot of these guys don’t seem to think it matters and that they lack the sense of pacing out a match to really get the most out of the fans and really draw in acclaim and accreditation for supplying an entertaining and enjoyable bout.

A free pass tends to be handed out freely to those favorites, while someone who is taboo, like Cena, is always seen as “teh suxx0r” despite actually improving enough to warrant his push. It’s also funny how people think Nigel McGuinness is the Cena of ROH when clearly Erick Stevens is getting that type of momentum and push behind him but yet no one seems to mind it.

I know a lot of people are going to think I’m full of shit and that I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m used to that by now actually, but I’m still going to say this – a good match is one that doesn’t have to do 20 spots in a 8 minute bout. Shit, wait for the DVD of ROH‘s Hammerstein Ballroom show and you’ll see that Jay Briscoe got a bigger reaction from just selling than he did from trying to do a million and twelve things in any of his other bouts. A lesson should be picked up on there and learned, and that lesson is that wrestling is an art form of subtleties and manipulation. Drawing in the fans to believe that someone is about to be finished only for them to battle back without actually hitting in a maneuver yet gets responses. Listen to fans when they think a match is about to end only for that kick-out to occur. Listen to how the fans gasp at the sheer struggle of the competitor who reaches up to show they’re not done yet and that they’ve still got some left in the tanks. There’s a reason teased finishes are popular and that’s because they draw the fans into a state where they are at their most vulnerable as they truly believe this contest is going to end because of something massive and destructive. That’s good storytelling and that is what wrestling is actually about – not a bunch of flippy moves for the sake of having flippy moves.

Matt Brown Will Roundhouse Kick You Home For Free

I’ll round out this edition with a little of two things: one, Bayani didn’t link you all to his beloved Misa Campo, so I will, instead.

See what you can learn if you fucking research?

Secondly, I have to state that I’m a huge mark for the UFC Ultimate Fighter series, and have been since the first season. Yeah, I missed a few because I don’t keep up with Spike TV and was unaware of the fact they kept doing the show so regularly, but I’m glad I’ve caught this season as it’s been an interesting trip. Rampage and Forest are such likable characters that you can’t help but feel for them as coaches when they hit some rough patches, though Rampage has been the one to feel that burn for the majority of this season, thus far.

What pulls me to the side and leads me to think that Rampage brought this losing streak onto himself was letting some key picks slip by him, especially one Matt Brown, who really is the human version of the cyborg Chuck Norris (yes, I’m aware Chuck Norris jokes are so 2007, but I’m only quoting Forrest). But despite it all, a lot of bouts have been really good and exciting, and it all leads me to the thought of this – does TNA actually watch this stuff? If not then why aren’t they? If they are, why’d they allow Angle and Joe to work such a sloppy, and boring looking first half of their Lockdown encounter like that when you have such great examples of good fights from this show? Shit, you have UFC‘s highlight reel playing on this channel almost every night, surely someone could sit down and think about the idea of Angle and Joe striking, grappling down to the mat, getting in some pounding and submission attempts that lead into actual counters before we see some rope breaks.

Ugh, okay, enough of that as I’m starting to stroll down Negative Street with a baseball bat and take to some heads as if my name was Barry Bonds and I was juiced out of my fucking mind.

Anyway, the point is, while I’m not screaming about my fantasy baseball league this week (one slipping from a 10-1-5 margin victory to a measly fucking 7-5-4, and the other squeaking by on a 5-4-2 to keep me in first place of that league) I’m sitting back and enjoying the devils delight known as reality television. The Ultimate Fighter is always fun as the drama leads into full on knuckles to the face blows while Hell’s Kitchen remains as the show that just further shows that words do fucking hurt, if not downright kill people. What can I say? I’m a Gordon Ramsey mark, and it’s only furthered thanks to Chris Jericho’s love of the man that he had to go to the same barber as him. I’d supply a picture here, but fuck it, you’ve all seen the similarities – and don’t act like you’ve never seen Ramsey either as we’ve all seen the hellish chef destroy ego’s and shit on people’s abilities to put together a meal.

But those all aside, let’s try and wrap this all up, shall we?

And just because I love him, Matt Short put out yet another good read in The Navigation Log 5.11.08: Northern Navigation Preview. It’s important to note that he’s probably the most on the ball Puro guy we have in 411, but I doubt many care about him because he talks about “unimportant” things such as non-WWE rhetoric bullshit about nobodies and never-weres, and all that crispy creamed filled bullshit a lot of you like to think you’re right about when you’re clearly not.

Oh, and because I’m still sitting on these fuckers, I’ve got two ROH Best of DVD’s, still wrapped up, that I’m looking to get off my hands. All I need to do is figure out the best way to whore myself for attention and get people to compete over them and I’ll be sure to get these bad boys off my hands. Though I hear people actually might pay for this stuff through eBay…nah, I’d rather just dish these out for someone who needs to get into ROH but is too cheap or poor to get a DVD from them. Oh yeah, and you people need to get cracking with the fantasy booking – don’t be handing that stuff out for free to Andrew Clark and Daniel Wilcox as I’m doing the fantasy booking crud around here, maggots.

Fuck I’m being hostile this week. Oh well, let’s end it all on a gay note: I love all of these guys who I keep plugging for and talking about. Oh, and yes Julian Bond I’ll throw you into this category though I think you still suck. Nothing personal, I just don’t want to be depushed and end up having to put you over – my ego won’t ever allow myself to put over someone who is a figment of Ian Flemming’s sexual fantasies and desires written out in 12 novels. Sorry. Friendsies?

That’ll about do it, because if I continue I’m sure I’ll just yell and punch my Jose Reyes bobble head in hopes it’ll learn to bobble. This was yet another edition of Scripted Through Sin. Tune back next week when I try to be positive and offer Miley Cyrus a role in an upcoming night vision film that may land her a E! based reality television show with her family.

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