Wrestling’s 4R’s 6.13.08: The Family Takes Over, Bourne Runs Wild, the Beautiful People, Monday’s Millions and More!

32:30!: Usually every week I discuss the amount of wrestling that we have on the show. As I have stated repeatedly that I think that 35-40-minutes a week of wrestling should be the goal with the 2-hour show since TNA is striving to be different, to be an alternative. Some people feel that this is unreasonable, but I don’t. Also, once again to remind people, the reason I discuss it about TNA each week is because THEY claim that they are an alternative to the WWE product, which is entertainment based. TNA is supposed to be about the wrestling AND THEY WERE last week!

Awesome Kong’s $25,000 Open Challenge Title Match: Awesome Kong vs. Daffney: Again this week I enjoyed the $25,000 challenge. The move from random fans as challengers to female wrestlers looking for the perfect chance to break into the company works big time for me. It is more believable that another wrestler will be able to beat her, rather than “a fan.” They had Amber O’Neil (who should be signed and I have said so forever), Becky Bayless (who has a luscious rack) and Daffney (who has a hell of a rack as well). They acknowledged that they were wrestlers, Tenay put them over and Daffney was selected. Daffney was game, but in the end Kong killed her dead. As mentioned the change from fan to wrestlers buys this some time to brew. I am hoping for a good end to this, as I have enjoyed the segments thus far.

King of the Mountain Preview Match: Booker T and Robert Roode vs. Christian Cage and Rhino/Drawing the Line: A lot of people were quick to get pissed with this match up, due to Roode and Booker having just been feuding for so long. And while I agree with this to a point, this wasn’t like Roode and Booker got together and wanted to get buddy-buddy. The way I look at it, and the way it was described was that this was a King of the Mountain Preview match; the heels were paired against the faces. So in that case it makes sense to me and I can roll with that. We had a match, which was a fine little match here to kick off the show. Rhino and Cage were about to get the win, but 3D ran out for the DQ. This would of course lead to AJ coming out to help even the odds. The good guys prevailed and the lines were drawn. I have really enjoyed Booker and 3D uniting strongly, and it is nice to see AJ fully back face. He even tried to make up with Cage, saying that, “We were once like family, and I know this won’t make us even, but maybe we can be on the same page.” Overall this was good stuff that I enjoyed.

ODB vs. Velvet Sky/The Beautiful People expand…: I continue to enjoy the overall work of the Beautiful People. They are continuing to do good promo work and really are establishing their characters. I do freely admit that I HATE the “Don’t hate the Beautiful People, Hate the Game” bullshit they have started to use. They are doing so well, they don’t need to rip off old *WCW* catchphrases. (Correction from the comment section, mybad, but still the point stands, they are better than that. But thank you for the correction.) They are doing well establishing themselves, good promos, and I LOVE the brownbag deal, that’s greatness. But the match was…not that good. I won’t call it the worst match of the year as some have, but it was not good. God bless young Velvet Sky, she is a beautiful young lass, but there is something off there. Character wise she is great, but when she gets out there I don’t know what is happening. She looks like she cannot bump to save her life. The thing is that I have seen her in person, I have seen her perform and she was NOT bad live. She actually looked great. I don’t know if it is the fact that she is on TV or what, but when she gets on Impact it is like all of her training goes out the window. Bad match here. The good news is that the after match was good stuff as Mickie “MOOSE” Knuckles made her debut as the muscle of the Beautiful People. It makes sense as well. They need some muscle to counter ODB, and she fits the bill. Also, the Beautiful People are snotty bitches, and when you see a group of snotty bitches that are hot and or think that they are hot, they always have a chick that is either ugly or not as good looking as them, to make themselves look even better. Some good, some bad, it has to be purgatory baby.

James Storm w/Miss Jackie, Kip James and Lance Hoyt w/Christy Hemme vs. Matt Morgan and LAX (Hernandez y Homicide) w/Salinas and Hector Guerrero: For the most part there was nothing wrong with this match. They all worked hard, the match was fine, had good heat and that was what it was. But this SCREAMED filler match to me. I know they want Morgan to look good, but LAX was headed to the PPV for a title defense, and I cannot understand why they didn’t get the pin here. To me that would have made much more sense for the tag champs to get the win here. Not bad by any means, but when heading to a PPV you would think that they would want to push stuff that is, I don’t know, ON THE PPV!

Tomko vs. AJ Styles w/Kevin Nash as Special Referee: Overall the main event of Impact was a fine little match. Unfortunately we only got to see 4-minutes of it, due to commercial. AJ looked great as he is back to the fire filled baby face, Tomko was the brute heel and they worked well together here. Roode and Booker ran out near the end, Nash fought them off and AJ got the big win, a win he needed after so much time as a comedy goof heel that took way too many loses. While I hated that the match was so short. What this main event did do, and some hate it and some love it, is put heat on the KOTM, Angle vs. AJ and Tag Title matches. It was a fun brawl, and with the chair shot by Nash to Joe, accidentally, doubt was placed even more on the alliance between Joe and Nash. It wasn’t all bad, but I would have liked a longer match to go along with it.

ABYSS IS STILL A TORTURED SOUL: I really don’t know what to add here. It’s the same as every week right now. He is tortured, they say he is getting better, he is getting out and he is coming home. I like that they are giving him a venue to talk, and the comeback does shake some things up talent wise, but the booking has to be good for people to care. Let’s hope that it is. This stuff has been fine, but it isn’t exactly setting my world on fire.

NADDA~!:

X-Division King of the Mountain Match: Curry Man vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Kaz vs. Chris Sabin vs. Johnny Devine – The winner gets a TNA World Title shot on the Impact after Slammiversary!: I may be a bit harsh here, but this had to be one of the stupider things that TNA has ever done. I love when people want to talk about this as, “a free preview for the PPV.” FREE is key, FREE is dumb. They have shitty buy rates, they need to grow them and giving away a version of the upcoming PPV’s main event was a very bad idea. And not only was it a bad idea, but it is made even stupider when you look at the lineups for the Impact match and then the Slammiversary match:

IMPACT: Curry Man vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Kaz vs. Chris Sabin vs. Johnny Devine

SLAMMIVERSARY: Samoa Joe vs. Rhino vs. Christian Cage vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T

HORRIBLE idea. On Impact you have 5 X-Division guys, who weren’t getting a ton of TV time, so they were going to go balls to the wall due to that. Add in the fact that the X-Division style is balls to the wall crazy as it is and this was going to be a wild spot filled match. The Slammiversary Main Event, not so much. Even using hindsight, Cage was the one with the crazy spots and even him busting his ass wasn’t as wild as these guys. It is shit like this that annoys me with TNA. Giving away first time matches on free TV, PPV matches right before the PPV and such. It’s bad business. As for this match, the commercials hurt it, but they worked hard and did a bunch of MOVEZ. Unfortunately no matter how good they did, the decision making by the company places it in the ridiculous. Good work JJ, Dutch, Vince, Dixie, JB, Disco, Monkey and Tenay.

Eric Young searches for “The King”: Again, Seriously? We’re going to waste time with this? I don’t know if this is worse than Super Eric or not. Let’s hope that the “king” he finds is Jarrett, that could at least be interesting. Or at the very least a drunk Scott Hall in that “Kings of Wrestling” pseudo Elvis suit.

The Bachelor Party: I…I don’t know what to say other than this was some of the worst TV I have ever seen. Kip James as a stripper, seriously? Kill me, please kill me now and do it swiftly.

By: “The Whole Geoffin Show” Geoff Eubanks

WWE SmackDown 6.07.08

Hurray! This was the installment of SmackDown! at which I was in attendance! Altogether, I have to say this was a pretty crummy show, which is a real bummer, although it was fun to be there for it (thanks in large part to all the really great, fun fans in my section). To clarify, I’ve touched on this in the past, and it was certainly true in this instance, it seems as if WWE produces shows that are quite fun for those in the house, but as far as gripping episodic television, it’s totally lacking. I was fourth row ringside opposite the hard camera, which meant I got a lot of pics of the performers’ backs, as they obviously played to the camera…and, of course, I neglected to appropriately charge my camera battery after The Cure show the previous Saturday, so just after hour one of three hours, my camera died…bummer. Here’s a shot, though:

Yeah, I was pretty close. SERIOUSLY, though, if ANYONE videotaped/recorded ECW from last Tuesday, PLEASE get in touch with me! I THINK my “No Heyman No Styles No ECW”, “Tremendous Tom for HOF ‘09” and “If my ex sucked like Adamle we’d still be together” signs made TV…but I’m not sure. (They almost didn’t let me take that last one in, but, damn if it didn’t get a great response from the other men in my section…and ONLY men, interestingly enough.)

Oh, and to the dip shit who suggested that I’d go to the trouble to text Larry FAKE SPOILERS and compromise the integrity of this website, EAT A DICK, MORON.

Mick Foley says, “Vince hasn’t thrown away this much money since he signed Goldberg!” – It’s funny cuz it’s true…and neither one did jack to increase ratings. I don’t know if Mickles saw my “Foley is God” sign, but we did make eye contact and wave to one another during a break. Made my night. There was also a guy in the front row (The ubiquitous “Suit Guy”) who, between matches, was trying to get Mick’s attention by VERY tongue-in-cheek-like yelling “Mick Foley SUUUUCKS!!!” By the end of the night, I, in good fun, yelled, “Pipe down, Pettingill!” Watch the show…it’ll make sense is actually quite funny.

I’m afraid my “We want tables” chant didn’t get going – In the continuing saga of Finlay versus Chuck Palumbo, we got what could(?) be the blow-off in this Belfast Brawl. Funny thing, Palumbo’s bike sounds as if it’s mic-ed. This wasn’t the brawl I was hoping it would be (I was really pulling for a wicked chair shot), but I’m pleased we’ve been granted some continuity, both in sticking with this mini-program (even if there’s been very little exposition or further heat added via promos or much offering from the announcers to put over this feud) and the use of the bike chain as a means of finishing the matches. It’s my sincerest hope that Finlay will be staying put here on Fridays, although as popular as Horny Little Bastard is with kids and the company’s new kid-friendly approach, I fear we may lose the dynamic duo to Raw. Although if they’re putting Jeff “Captain Wellness” Hardy on the cover of the new kids’ magazine, who knows? This a pretty standard brawl that never got too wild, but it was fun and, as I said, continuity was all in tact, so this definitely qualifies to be Right.

Vickie says, “I do not TAKE orders, I GIVE them!” – Yeah, at every drive-thru window in America. It appears as if we’re getting another go-around of Edge versus Batista (now that The Rated-R Superstar has “retired” The Undertaker), as a jovial Big Dave interrupted THE RATED RMY’s in-ring celebration (apparently straight off a wardrobe shopping excursion in West Hollywood), fulfilling his promise to challenge the winner of the World Title match at the PPV. BTW, the heat The Staples Center gave Vickie Guerrero was absolutely off the page. Although I could hear her voice, I couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying, so loud was the crowd’s jeers and cajoles. Make your own argument over whether or not it’s XPac heat (I don’t think so, personally). What we got here was all well and fine, Batista (who truly is completely OVER and there really is something good about his charisma in person that I personally don’t see coming through on TV) wishing the betrothed couple of Edge and Vickie to have fat, ugly kids (wish fulfillment coming up…that is NOT a gene pool I’d care in which to swim, although Vickie really is quite pretty in person). The thing is, do we really want to see Edge/Batista again? It’s my hunch this is just a temporary, one-off bridge to the Draft and/or the return of Rey Mysterio, which I think may have some entertaining possibilities…let’s hope they pull that trigger. At least The Moo-Moo-Cita is learning from her mistake last week and decided to select for herself Batista’s three opponents for THE RMY in the main event.

Ah, yes, the main event. Okay, let’s get this out of the way Right off the bat…while I personally was stoked to have seen NunziGuido and Funaki in person, how humiliating and demeaning must it have been for these devoted veterans to be treated as third-class performers, to say nothing of being equated with a rookie like “The Bronze Adonis” Colin Delany? Just because they’re not Batista’s size doesn’t mean they aren’t solid performers (unlike a certain tag team in THE RMY…). I know, this is just how McMahonagement rolls, but it doesn’t mean I’ve got to like or accept it, but I thought it bore a mention.

Meanwhile, although this match served its purpose, it was predictable and boring. It played neither in person nor on TV, no one was allowed to really show much at all and it was quite an anti-climax to a fairly disappointing evening and it’s leading to what will likely be something in Edge/Batista we’ve all seen before. They’ll have a good match, but it just equates to the same old shit and it’s my assertion that Edge deserves more.

On the plus side, though, 1) I truly think we’re going to see Chavo totally turn his back on Edge following that weirdly funny “best man” conversation, which could stand to liven up Chavo’s career (I’m also expecting Shabbo and Bam Neely to be traded to SD! from WWECW once the televised developmental starts piggy-backing on RAW), and; 2) my MOO-MOO-CITA sign made TV!

Vince doesn’t sweat TNA – But he IS caring a LOT more about women’s wrestling since the Knockouts have become such a big deal. Yeah, that’s one of those things that makes you go hmmm.

Well, we can debate the creation of the SD! Divas Title all we want. I will concede that it could be a good thing, but I will steadfastly maintain that WWE would be better served, as I’ve said all along, to gather all the women who can wrestle on Raw and leave the Barbie dolls in valet roles and, if they want to learn to get in the ring and mix it up a little, allow them to show up early and learn the trade before the fans are let into the building, the way they did back in the day when Finlay was training them (with noticeably favorable results).

When I saw the techs bring out the star on a pole for the qualifying match I doubled over, half laughing, half in dread and pain. The match ended up being not as horrific as it certainly could have been and at least they allowed a woman who can really wrestle to go over in Natalya, but I fear this is all going to end up being still more of Vince reacting to something someone else is doing well instead of innovating on his own, which is where he was always at his best. BTW, kinda humiliating for the CruiserWeights to have their title abolished so McMahonagement can create another SECOND belt for the chicks…?

On the plus side, though, my “Hey, Dixie, fire Russo” sign made TV! Hopefully she’s in the mood to take a fan’s advice…

I have a difficult time believing Big Show came back for THIS – I know it must cost a lot to feed a guy as huge as Show, but could he really have run out of cash to the end that he had to swallow his pride (remember that “Big Show was my slave name” comment after he left The Fed…?) and come back to be EXACTLY where he was when he left, hovering around the WWECW Title? And what’s with this on-again/off-again deal with Mark Henry? Do it if you’re gonna, or stop this foolishness. We all know how it’s going to go, with Show asserting his dominance over Big Drippy, who hasn’t won a match since he was banging Mae Young. WHY are we laboring this assclownery?

The Russian makes puRgatory – Not for anything he did, really, though. I teased last week being upset over Jimmy Wang Yang (someone I feel could really have a future if McMahonagement could get over the fact that he’s not 6’6″, 285), being jobbed to the Russian; however, in the interim, news broke that The Wanger had been suspended due to a Wellness infraction. This information changes everything. These are the wages of breaking the rules and I think it was well and good and Right that JWY should be used to put over someone else under the circumstances. It’s disappointing and upsetting, but them’s the breaks, as it’s said. It’s a shame he wasn’t used to put over someone with a future, but what can ya do?

A cheesy segment – Yeah, awful pun for the Sargento Mozzarella match (and my Sargento Mozzarella sign did make TV!), but true nonetheless. I’ll admit to being a bit of a hypocrite here, because this was, in and of itself, a pretty entertaining, if innocuous, five-or-so minutes, but that’s due solely to Santino Marella’s hilarious antics. For me, personally, they balanced my long-standing and deep-seated HATRED for Rodney the Piper. I wasn’t expecting to see Jiminy KimMEL, although it dawned on me that I should have. And what a treat to have seen his “the only woman LESS funny than her is Kathy Griffin” girlfriend Sarah Silverman at ringside…

Here’s what I didn’t feel worked: 1) First of all, this is a Raw deal (so to speak). It doesn’t belong on SmackDown!. I know we’re just supposed to roll over and act as if it’s perfectly dandy to ignore these brand split infractions, and it’s easier to do in some cases than others, but there was absolutely NOTHING SD!-related going on here at ALL. I understand that it was much more convenient for Jiminy KimMEL to hop across town to The Staples Center as opposed to have to trek the three-hour round trip on Monday to Bakersfield (believe me, I TOTALLY understand NOT wanting to have to go to Bakersfield), especially for a whole five minute appearance, but if you can’t properly schedule your show, DON’T DO IT. Really, how many non-viewers tuned in just to see Cousin Sal in a singlet? Probably as many as tuned in to Raw to win Vince’s money (which is really OUR money that he’s giving back to us).

2) So just because Roddy Piper pulls a Minnesota Wrecking Crew training session on the Ed McMahon of the 21st Century, Sal can stroll into the ring and defeat a former Intercontinental Champion in three-and-a-half minutes? That’s some bullshit Right there. I realize I’m probably reading a little too much into this, because it was meant to be a silly exhibition, and I’m likely going to get some folks telling me to lighten up, but too much of this kind of thing can really be damaging. Of course, Vince has and continues to drive home the point that he could give a greasy fart about you and me, the die-hard fan base who will continue to tune in week after week, despite however much insane, superfluous, trying-way-too-hard shit he throws at us, but he needs, too, to realize that, at this point in time, virtually everyone who WANTS to watch his product already DOES and no amount of this nincompoopery is going to win him any new viewers. You want to give us viewer appreciation, Vinnie? Stop treating us like petulant, retarded children.

Yes, I’m gonna bitch about this again – It’s no secret that Matt Hardy and MVP are my two favorite performers on SmackDown!, so I’ll admit that my personal markdom is coming into play here a bit (especially since I looked like a total tool with my “I paid $150 to see Matt hardy” sign for the whole five minutes he was on WWECW…and more as a cog in the “Teddy Long takes over the General Manager position of WWECW” than anything that will benefit him or his title), but come the fuck ON. Here we are still again where a great story involving awesome performers centers around a title (in this case, the UST) and, upon its completion, we get dick for a follow-up. I’m praying I’m proven wRong, and that we see Hardy and his belt (you know, the most important singles title of his career, his stepping stone to the World Title) regain some integrity, focus and direction, but I’ve seen this happen way too many times to have any faith.

It’s fairly obvious that MVP is Raw-bound in a couple weeks, so I can understand the hesitation to start anything new with him but I maintain that there’s no harm in scheduling a couple UST rematches to fill time and give these guys something constructive and entertaining to do while maintaining the integrity of The UST. Even in terms of kayfabe, it’s absolutely foolish to have your top-paid guy sitting on his ass in a luxury box for the whole show. Awesome funny though, during a break, some fans in the section directly underneath MVP’s box (make your own joke) were harassing him (the chant was unintelligible from my seat), so MVP responded by calmly standing, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting, “Let’s go Celtics…!!!” Yeah, THAT was some heat Right there! Our whole section just busted up. Enjoy Mondays, MVP, we’re gonna miss you. Maybe you can help Vince give away some money.

Oh, by the way, Khali’s back…oh, and he’s a face now, too – So with absolutely no fanfare, no video package, no NOTHING, Khali returned tonight and apparently we’re supposed to like him now, as he absolutely SQUASHED Deuce & Domino in a Csonka special…and in under 2:00! I don’t want to speak in absolutes, but Lenny & Squiggy now pretty well have zero cred, having not won a match since, well, Mark Henry won a match. Wow, it JUST dawned on me that this match involved three former champions…how pathetic. Amazing how this ENTIRE show is in such a state of indifferent inactivity but we’ve made the decision to turn Khali because he got a little positive press in his home country on the other side of the world. Either that or we just arbitrarily decided to say, “Fuck it” and have Khali obliterate these two because they were just…available. THERE’S some patented McMahonagement continuity.

On the plus side, though, 1) as Domino was on the apron, his back to my part of the crowd, I yelled, “You SUCK, Domino!” and he turned to reply, “HEY! Watch your MOUTH!” which incited the fans in my section to react. Of course, JUST as he turned around, the show was edited, jumping to when he tagged in. As a great man has said and texted me many times, BOO URNS!!! 2) Domino didn’t take off his shirt…thank heaven for small favors!

By: Jeremy Thomas

Raw 6.07.08

JBL vs. JOHN CENA: Okay, so did someone backstage secretly replace JBL’s Mamajuana with Wired 3000? This match was like watching their recent matches on fast-forward. It started off moving quickly with a good brawl, and settled into a pretty decent television match to build JBL up a bit, yet put Cena over. Triple H did some pretty good commentary, putting Cena over as a guy who never says die as they told that exact story in the ring. I personally thought that, for a guy that’s been made to be Cena’s bitch over the last couple of months, JBL perhaps got a little too much offense in, but it made for a good comeback by Cena, and the crowd ate it up. JBL setting up the announce table played into continuity a little, as it was the same kind of frustration that caused him to get disqualified against Jericho last week. Cena got the win and kept his momentum, and the little face-off at the end, with Triple H tricking Cena into falling for the trip, was a fun little touch that reminded us that, heel or face, the Game likes his mind games. It’s just one of those things that helps cement Triple H as the sort-of heel in this feud, hearkening back to his old “Cerebral Assassin” days. There was nothing really wrong here to complain about, and it all carried off pretty well.

THE BARBER SHOP, CIRCA 2008: And this one finally comes full circle. Jericho came out, and the second Lawler started praising him, I had an idea of what was going to happen. One thing Jericho excels at—one of many things, really—is playing this exact kind of turn perfectly. Jericho’s character has always been someone who didn’t need much change to go from face to heel, and he can make a sudden turn shocking, yet completely believable. He built up Shawn Michaels as his idol, his mentor, his friend, and then, when Michaels was in the ring, both built him up and tore him down by putting over the stretcher match at One Night Stand and the beating he took at Batista’s hands. His expressions when Shawn was playing to the crowd in the beginning were classic, and showed the way he can portray the phony “face” beautifully. Shawn was his classically unapologetic self, and it threw a little doubt into who was going to turn. As the segment progressed and Jericho talked about how he was getting booed no matter what he did, you could see what was coming, but it was still beautiful to watch. The two went at it with hard, fast fists until Jericho stopped Shawn cold with the kick to the junk. Jericho’s comments as Shawn was nicely selling the low blow gave Jericho his justification for his turn, and when he tossed Michaels face-first into the Jeritron 6000, old-school fans marked out everywhere to see Shawn get his comeuppance for doing the same thing to Marty Jannetty seventeen years ago. And yet, it still puts Shawn over with the face sympathy, completes Jericho’s heel turn, and it works because Jericho is completely justified in his actions, at least in his mind. This is why Jericho does the heel so well…because he understands how a heel always needs to feel right, as opposed to just behind the mustache-twirling black hat. It also kicked HBK/Y2J 2008 into high gear, and I’m excited for this one. Nicely done all around, and once again it makes the Highlight Reel the highlight of the show. Kudos, gentlemen.

TRIPLE H vs. JEFF HARDY: Wow, Jeff is really getting a hell of a push for a guy who’s job was in question three months ago, huh? I mean, you can’t deny the crowd reaction the guy gets, and Wellness aside, he’s certainly over enough to deserve the spot. I just kind of worry about the message this is sending. Either way, he’s been given the ball back, and you can’t blame the guy for trying to run with it. Much like Triple H did in the Cena/JBL match, Cena did a pretty good job of putting over the Game, but Hardy as well. The match was remarkably even, with Hardy getting the majority of the offense early on before Triple H slowed it down and took control. More seeds of HHH’s heel-ish ways came into play, as he used the ropes for leverage in the abdominal stretch in a nice touch. I wasn’t a fan of the SPOTRZ ENTARTANEMENT finish—what is it with all the count-out wins lately? Did someone watch some old-school tapes and remember that was a way to win a match or something? It did carry the feud though, and let Cena get his heat back from the trip at the end of Cena/JBL, so I can’t complain about it too much. What I’m interested with is to see where they go with Hardy from here. He got the last laugh by taking out BOTH of the competitors for the title at Night of Champions—is he going to be inserted to make it a Triple Threat match? I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, though it will certainly allow him to take the pin and let the Cena/HHH feud carry on to the Great American Bash and, probably, to SummerSlam. It made the ending interesting, and this match was pretty close to a pure win in my book.

MICKIE JAMES vs. BETH PHOENIX: Slowly but surely, WWE is building an enjoyable women’s division on Raw, and these two are proudly heading it up. The match got off to a slow start and it didn’t seem like Mickie and Beth were communicating as well as they usually do. It seemed more incoherent brawling at first then the wrestling they do fairly well most nights. Beth’s tilt-a-whirl backbreaker was slow and obvious, and the layout of the match was a bit too forced and not natural enough. Still, when you compare to what they had a year ago, it’s improved stuff, and it really picked up toward the end. The other problem here was that it was, like a lot of matches in the last couple weeks, too short, and by having Mickie pin Beth cleanly, it takes some of her aura as an unstoppable monster away. Melina coming in after the match to save Mickie was also a mixed bag; it got Melina some good face heat back after her loss at One Night Stand, but again made Beth look a bit weaker. When all is said and done though, it’s nice to see the ‘E putting some serious effort into the women’s division, and just goes to show what we’ve known all along—when the WWE has competition (read: the TNA Knockouts), they rise to meet it. Without that competition, they go stale and boring. So, in the end, this wasn’t great, but it kept me hoping, and that’s something.

SANTINO & CARLITO vs. CRYME TIME: First off, not a single moment, even recapped, of that bullshit Cousin Sal/Marella match from SmackDown! should be infecting my Raw. I didn’t want to see it on SD!, and I sure as HELL didn’t want to see it on Raw. Now with that out of the way, remind me…why did the ‘E hire Cryme Time back again? It obviously wasn’t to contend for the tag titles at any point in the foreseeable future, what with DiBiase on the current push for them. Apparently, as near as I can tell, it was so they could steal crap for the cheap pops and then occasionally go over thrown-together tag teams like Marella and Carlito. That said, the match was actually not too bad, with Cryme Time putting together some fun offense and picking up the win. Unfortunately, this was AGAIN way too short, and felt like a recap I would have watched on AM Raw of a better, longer match. There’s not too much more I can say about this, other than to say that it seemed like little more than filler and didn’t advance a thing. Nice to see Cryme Time picking up the win, but I’d like to see them have some purpose, because they are a better tag team then they’re being treated as.

BURCHILL vs. KENNEDY: I’ve loved the way this feud had developed over the past couple of weeks. Burchill had gotten a remarkable amount of heat, and they’d built the feud up really well thus far. Then they had to come out this week and put Kennedy cleanly over Burchill in three minutes, completely blowing that momentum away. And it certainly doesn’t help that the match was sloppy as all hell, either. Arguments can be made as to who was to blame—personally, most of the fault seemed to rest on Kennedy’s shoulders to me. The missed punch was pure Kennedy, and the positioning of the back suplex that dropped him on his head was the result of him pushing back against Burchill while jockeying for the proper position. Kennedy’s the star, though—as was proved in the match, where he made Burchill look like an absolute bitch—so the blame will probably go on Burchill. Regardless of who was actually at fault, the match was really sloppy either way, and at barely over three minutes, it pretty much destroyed the feud. Sure, Burchill got some heat back at the end, and even debuted a new, easier-to-hit finisher, but even then, he looked like a bitch. Hell, Katie looked like more of a man then Paul—at least she hit Kennedy face-to-face. The feud isn’t irrevocably screwed by any stretch, but they sure as hell did damage to it, and you can color me very disappointed.

SNITSKY & UMAGA vs. RHODES & HOLLY: Oh, lovely. They cancel Heat, which means we have to see Snitsky on one of the real shows again. I just hope he’s not one of the “big picks” in the draft again. This pairing was pretty clearly just to give Umaga something to do until he goes to SmackDown! in the draft, and frankly I think they owe Umaga better. This basically amounted to an extended squash for Snitsky and Umaga, which is an enormous problem for me. Why a guy who’s been barely even treading water on Heat gets to dominate the World Tag Team Champions is beyond me, and it does a lot of damage to the effort they’ve been doing to build up the Tag Team Titles in recent weeks. Look, I understand that this was about angle advancement, to hype up the Night of Champions match. However, there was none of the miscommunication and problems that have plagued Rhodes and Holly lately; they just got squashed. DiBiase came out then and flubbed his lines a bit, which is never a good thing. This whole segment of the show just came off badly, and that’s not even considering that, like the rest of the show outside of JBL/Cena and HHH/Hardy, this was a short match with no time to build. Bad move, guys. Very bad move.

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE, WWE EDITION: Oh, come on, you just knew this was coming. Let’s just run this one down, shall we? To start off with, this was more of the same problem from last week with Vince McMahon trying to play up the wannabe face role. Unfortunately, instead of it getting more natural, Vince actually seemed more annoying. He seemed like second-rate edition of Chuck Woolery or Wink Martindale, mugging for the crowd and telling corny jokes. For Christ’s sake, he misdialed the first time. How hard is it not to fuck up dialing the phone? People laughed at the Rick Roll, and a couple people pointed to it as proof that the whole thing was rigged. I disagree for a couple of reasons. First off, remember that this is a man who nixed Paul Burchill the pirate because he was unfamiliar with Pirates of the Caribbean and didn’t get why people would like a pirate. You think the man would know what Rick Rolling was…or, if the writers presented it to him, he’d remotely get it and let it fly? Not a chance. Also, if it was worked, it wouldn’t have happened twice in a row from the guy. The other reason I don’t think the contest is a work at this point is, should anyone find out—and if it is a hoax, you know someone will—it’ll blow up in the WWE’s face like an atomic bomb. Regardless of whether it was real or not, it came off as absolutely stupid. If this is what Vince McMahon wants to be what first-time and returning viewers to see, he needs a reality check, and I’m not talking the game show reality kind; he’s got that at least covered. I mean, really, with “special guest hosts” like Gabe from E-Prizes, Mae Young placing her tongue places it never should have been, and the lame American Idol rip-off with Jillian and Murdoch, they really trotted out every stupid idea they could for this one. The entire thing reeked of complete retardedness…and the worst part of it was, seeing the ratings this week, it didn’t help get any ratings at all. In fact, ratings were DOWN a tenth of a point. Now, this was just one show, and if they continue the million dollar giveaway beyond next week we’ll see if it has any effect in the long-term as opposed to the short term, but this was pretty much the definition of our favorite Csonka tagline. In other words, if I was Larry, I’d be tossing up a huge picture of dollar signs with a big red “No” circle around it. Instead, in the spirit of making it my own, I’ll sum up my feelings about how it was carried off with the following representation, a personal message to Vincent Kennedy McMahon:

WWE IDOL: I know I referred to this in the Million Dollar Giveaway, but this was so bad, it deserves its own segment. Every week, we’re tearing apart TNA for ripping off the WWE, and rightly so. Whenever TNA does this, it makes the whole thing look like desperate attention-grab and reeks of a complete lack of originality. However, just because the ‘E is on top of the wrestling business doesn’t mean that they get off easy for ripping off the shows with better ratings then them. Sure, this was short. Sure, it could be considered harmless. But fair is fair, and the ‘E is not exempt when they waste our time with derivative crap like this. Plus, we had to endure Jillian’s caterwauling for a few moments, which is the equivalent of hours of pain. And in the end…we endured all of that so some poor chick could win a measly, whopping TWO BUCKS? Really, WWE? Gee, thanks. I think we should ALL get some money for enduring that waste of not only our time, but our eardrums as well. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Jillian Hall is a pretty decent women’s wrestler. Kill this stupid gimmick, and find her something new so she can be taken seriously as a competitor. Thank you.

By: Larry Csonka

ECW 6.10.08:

SHELTON BENJAMIN and MIKE KNOX vs. EVAN BOURNE and KOFI KINGSTON: The opening match for ECW this week was Kofi and the newly names Evan Bourne vs. Shelton and Mike Knox. All Mike Knox jokes aside, this was a fun little opener. I will say that it was a bit too short, but I enjoyed this a lot. First of all it keeps the Shelton vs. Kofi feud going, without the useless three-minute matches. That’s a big positive for me. Secondly Knox was tossed into this a few weeks back, so including him worked out as well. Thirdly Sydal/Bourne was introduced last week and into the Kofi/Shelton fold, and again, this makes sense having him in the match. So we had a REALLY fun opener for the show, and the biggest thing is that it wasn’t a generic tag match. These guys actually got to shine a bit, especially Bourne, who needed to shine since he is new. They all worked well together, Knox played the big man role well and it clicked. Bourne getting the win is a good sign, as he went from “just another new guy” to a guy you need to pay attention to. I still feel he will run into problems due to his size, as he is working in the land of the giants, but I hope I am wrong there and he succeeds.

THE MIZ and JOHN MORRISON vs. KANE and CM PUNK: We again had another good main event on ECW this week. The thing I liked here is that they played off of last week, when Morrison and Miz attacked Kane and Punk after their match. As mentioned a good main event this week, they got about 8-minutes after the commercial break is taken out, and it was good stuff. Morrison and Miz have gelled into a damn good tag team, with a good amount of credibility. It is a shame that it is likely going to end soon. Punk losing isn’t as bad this time around as he fought off Miz and then was overcome by Morrison. He seems to be playing the 1996-1998 DDP role, which is his ribs are constantly hurt. Maybe he can wear a wrap and jeans for a while to mix things up. But really, considering that Punk lost the last time they faced, couldn’t Kane have eaten a pin here? He is perpetually over with WWE fans, so it wouldn’t hurt him at all.

KELLY KELLY vs. VICTORIA: Kelly Kelly vs. Victoria, not exactly the match I was looking for, but it could have been much worse. They had an ok match here, not “bad” in any way, but it wasn’t very good. Kelly’s offense is so uneven, and really not all that smooth at times and it really gets annoying watching her. But she has improved, she can follow and basically hang with Victoria right now. Victoria won, as I feel that she should and hopefully this is a sign of things to come. I have to make a point to say that Kelly is improving, slowly but slowly, but just think how much better she would be right now if she would have gotten time in developmental to learn to wrestle, then work house shows with Victoria and THEN wrestle on TV. So yes she is getting better. I also commend WWE for actually trying to be different with the finish of the match. Running a ref stoppage in a women’s match was very different, and hopefully they are going to be rebuilding Victoria. She is someone that I feel hasn’t gotten the respect she deserves over the years. Jobbing to any new bimbo they bring in, being the on air trainer as it was. She’s been working on that torn ACL for like 6-years now, and she never complains. Let’s hope she gets some rewards for her years of service, her talent deserves it.

THE SAGA OF ARMANDO: I’m still not that hot on the whole saga of Armando Estrada. I mean, as I mentioned last week the idea is sound. Armando made Colin’s life hell, and now he is getting the same in return. But to be honest with you I am already over it. It stems from last week, where they blew through 4-weeks of angle in 45-minutes, such a shame. This week Armando got a shot to earn his contract, against Finlay. Now I have no issue with Finlay beating Armando cleanly, Finlay should beat him. But running these short ass matches is going to kill him. 48-seconds and Finlay beats him? Really? How do you spell Armando? J-O-B-B-E-R. Just like last week when he lost to Matt Hardy in under a minute, J-O-B-B-E-R. The second and third matches don’t bother me as much. He ate the Celtic Cross and got pinned. Finlay then nails him in the leg with the SHACKALACKI and he then takes a DDT from Colin to get pinned. He then eats the tadpole splash and I buy that. My problem remains the running through the angle so quickly, and instead of booking Armando to receive the comeuppance he deserves, it is coming off as jobbing him out to me. Week one of the angle may have ruined it for me. But hey, Colin rules.

I DO NOT CARE: For the most part I was into the show this week, with the exception of ONE segment. That was where Mark Henry came to the ring to call out the Big Show. Henry called him out, played nice, said Show did well getting a title shot, asked for a title shot after the Show vs. Kane match and tried to leave. Show called bullshit on this and said there would be no luck and that he was winning the title. Here is why I don’t care. It’s Mark Henry. The same Mark Henry that every few years gets his world’s strongest monster push, kills a bunch of small guys and then takes his rightful place as a jobber to the stars. Mark Henry hasn’t done shit to make me care about him, and while Show vs. Kane will be no mat classic, Mark Henry and Show seems even worse to me. This is one of those segments where I would have turned the channel if it wasn’t for the fact that I was writing about the show.

NADDA: