wrestling / Columns

Evolution Schematic 08.02.08: Mark ‘The Undertaker’ Calaway (Part 5)

August 2, 2008 | Posted by Mathew Sforcina

Writer’s Notes

Well, seems I finally cracked the problem! No negative comments in last week’s ES!

Of course, everyone who was poking me might have just not noticed it being posted since it was late and/or have given up trying to convince me that I’m wrong, but either way, I’ve won! Hoorah!

And yes, this sarcastic. Mostly.

Anyway, in-between counting down the days till Blood Bowl is released on the 360 (and thank you Teller that they seem to be keeping it turn based like it’s meant to be), trying to guess what The Demi-Boss Man has planned for the Triple 8 day, trying to get this Summerslam Roundtable Crossover thingy going and, when I remember to do it, cleaning and working and the various other things I gotta do to survive, I’ve got this column to do. Nearly there, this should be a 6-parter. Maybe 7.

8 Tops, no-one short of the WWE Title or something will go longer than Hogan.

Well, maybe Flair and/or The Horsemen…

But regardless, this kinda needs to end around Summerslam for maximum impact and to make it look like I know what I’m doing.

Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and last but not least, Part 4 are available by clicking the links shown. When we last left our intrepid Mind Games playing Professional Wrestler with a high pain tolerance, he had just found out that Kane truly was alive, when Kane cost him a title shot in the first Hell In A Cell match.

I like cheese.

Phase 19- The Undertaker vs. Kane, Take 1.

So, after proving that Kane was alive and was also well trained, Paul Bearer demanded that Undertaker fight Kane.

Undertaker refused, saying that he would never fight his own flesh and blood.

Kane responded by destroying people left right and center, Bearer claiming that each attack was on Taker’s head, since they would stop once Taker agreed to fight Kane. Taker continued to refuse to fight Kane, so Kane stepped up the attacks, costing him his match with Jeff Jarrett at IYH: De-Generation X when he chokeslammed Jeff while trying to get to Taker, Taker losing by DQ.

Taker’s desire not to fight Kane did not preclude him from trying to attack Paul Bearer, but Kane was there every time, easily beating on Taker since he refused to fight back against his ‘little’ brother. And yet, despite this constant abuse, Taker was given a match for the WWF Title against Shawn Michaels (party due to the way Shawn had won his title shot and partly because Commish Slaughter hated DX and was trying to screw them), and was granted a Casket Match at the Royal Rumble PPV. The two traded mind games, with Shawn defacing a casket then getting dragged into it the following week. But the Raw before the Rumble saw a surprising thing happen.

Phase 20- Taker and Kane, reunited! Yeah, right…

For it seemed, to the kids and anyone else with an IQ equivalent to a houseplant, that Kane had changed his ways. He seemed to have abandoned Paul Bearer, and came to his Brother’s aid as Taker was being beaten down by DX, ironically enough the beatdown coming about when Shawn claimed that Kane had joined DX.

This all led to the Royal Rumble, in which history repeated itself somewhat as DX, the New Age Outlaws AND Los Boricuas all trying to beat down Taker, which led to Kane coming out, clearing the ring, failing to ignite his pyro (hey, happens to the best of us at times…) and then turning on Taker to his, and only his, surprise.

Hey, he’s tough as hell and knows how to make an entrance, doesn’t mean he’s that smart. Actually it was probably more the fact that he was still in some degree of shock over the whole “Younger Brother Lost In Fire Actually Alive, Angry And Big” part of the story.

Kane cost Taker the match, then, with help from Paul Bearer, set the casket on fire. But ‘mysteriously’ Taker was not in it when it was doused, despite the casket being locked.

Hey, Taker built it, he would have ensured that there was a trick door in it somewhere. And he got to retire Shawn Michaels out of the deal, so overall it wasn’t that bad

Phase 21- Taker V Kane, Redux.

Taker stayed away for a bit, fuming and thinking. But Paul Bearer ran his mouth one too many times, and Kane beat up one too many people, and Taker returned, ready willing and able to kick Kane’s ass.

The two brothers met at Wrestlemania XIV, in a historic match. But while it took 3 Tombstones, Taker did manage to defeat his brother, although Kane got the last laugh when he Tombstoned Taker on a chair after the match.

So, clearly for Bearer and Kane a straight out match had failed to work out, especially when in their second meeting in England at a special ‘Mayhem In Manchester’ event Kane lost to Taker again. But luckily for them both, Bearer had a dream for the next time the two would fight. Paul saw a ring, surrounded by Fire. And thus the Inferno match was created, at least in the United States. Japan doesn’t count for these things.

The match would end when someone was set on fire. So at Unforgiven 98, Kane and Taker met again in the ring, but this time with fire surrounding it. And Taker managed to avoid the fire and not suffocate long enough to knock Kane off the top turnbuckle and onto the floor but not set him on fire.

This created a problem, as Taker couldn’t leave the ring due to, you know, all the fire. But then Vader, one of Kane’s victims in the series of victims he had left in his wake while trying to get Taker to fight him, came down and began to brawl with Kane, forcing him back to ringside. And Taker saw his chance, and hit his arguably most famous dive (it’s a toss up between this one and the Ground Zero one that saw him take out a dozen men) through the flames out onto Kane and Vader. Then, after some time taken to punish Paul Bearer with a drum set, Taker set Kane’s hand and arm on fire to win the match and hopefully get some closure.

Phase 21b- Widening the net.

But it was not to last long, as while he did get Kane out of his hair somewhat (and found out that he and Kane were only half brothers, Paul Bearer revealing himself to be Kane’s real father), Kane was still there, hovering, being a nuisance, setting fire to things, silently destroying people while Paul Bearer ranted and raved.

But Taker did manage to focus on other things somewhat. He helped keep Vince McMahon and his cronies fair at Over The Edge 98, making sure Austin’s WWF title defence against Dude Love was fair…ish.

This led to Taker and Vince crossing swords, as Taker wanted a title shot, having gotten past Kane once and for all. Vince responded by making Taker fight Kane for the title shot. This, on the surface, was a dumb move by Vince, but it turned out well for him as Mankind came back to the WWF (Dude Love being fired earlier that night for failing to beat Austin the previous night) to cost Taker the match and give Kane a title shot at King Of The Ring.

This, logically, led to Taker wanting a piece of Mankind at King Of The Ring.

This ringing any bells?

Phase 22- The partnerships.

However, Taker wasn’t just handed the match, he had to demand it. And he did this by interfering in match after match until Vince McMahon gave him what he wanted, Mankind at the PPV in the Cell.

Thus there were two sides to the war, on one side were Kane and Mankind, who at first were reluctant partners but then slowly but surely Mankind fell back under Paul Bearer’s control and they ended up as somewhat solid tag partners.

On the other, two men who really didn’t like each other, Taker and Austin. The two didn’t trust each other, but were forced together out of necessity.

And then again…

At some point between Over The Edge and Summerslam, Taker and Kane managed to work out their differences and form a union of their own, although this was secret at first. The exact moment the two started working together is hard to pinpoint, but King Of The Ring seemed a logical place for Kane to stop hating his brother, although Taker’s slight descent into darkness with his attacks on Paul Bearer at ringside and then in his home also helped. But it was KOTR that almost certainly began the reunion.

For at the PPV, there was this match between Taker and Mankind, Hell In A Cell, kinda famous in certain circles…

Ah heck, screw the sarcasm- It is, after all, arguably one of the most famous matches in wrestling history and really, in terms of memorable moments, it holds the All Time #2 (#1: ‘He Slammed Him!’. #2: ‘Good god almighty! They’ve killed him! As god as my witness, he is broken in half!’). The Undertaker threw Mick Foley off and through the Cell, beat him with a steel chair, threw him into thumbtacks and then ended the slaughter with a Tombstone Piledriver.

But that wasn’t the end of his night. For Austin/Kane for the WWF title was next, a First Blood match, where if Kane lost, he swore that he would set himself on fire. Taker, despite their wars, couldn’t let that happen, so he came down to ringside (after Mankind somehow pulled himself together enough to come out and try and interfere) and then ‘accidentally’ bust Austin open with an errant chair shot to a chair, Mankind ducking under what would have been a Con-Chair-To.

And the next night, Taker admitted that he just couldn’t let Kane set himself on fire. Thus, probably, Kane extended a hand, a real hand, and the two began to rebuild their brotherhood, even with Austin winning back his title that night on Raw in a match Taker had been forbidden to interfere in, although he did stand in the ramp to watch.

This led to a match made by Vince McMahon, to crown a new #1 Contender. He wanted to punish Taker, so he made it Taker vs. Kane vs. Mankind, since Kane and Mankind were now best buddies. But when it came time for the match, Taker was no-where to be seen, even after Vince got the ring announcer to declare that Taker was chickenshit. So, he made it a No DQ match between just Kane and Mankind. Mankind refused to fight ‘his friend’, and instead sat rocking next to the ringsteps. Kane then grabbed a chair, blasted Mankind in the face, threw him into the ring, Tombstoned him and pinned him… Then revealed himself to be The Undertaker.

So Austin and Taker were set to do battle, but not immediately, as Kane and Mankind were still a threat. Even more so when the masked men won the WWF Tag Titles off of The New Age Outlaws thanks to D’Lo Brown and his loaded chest protector. Taker and Austin then cost the NAO their rematch later that night when, as the guest refs, they destroyed all four men (and keeping the belt on Kane, oddly enough. By this point, for those of you paying attention, Kane and Taker were very probably working together. And for those of you not paying attention-

Hey, Dunn reviews current stuff with old pop-culture references, I review old stuff with current pop-culture references. It’s all about balance.)

Taker then seemed to go out of his way to ‘accidentally’ hurt Austin and ‘inadvertently’ help Kane, leading to Fully Loaded when the two official teams met for the tag belts. And Taker and Austin surprisingly won the belts, Taker pinning Kane with one Tombstone.

Austin, despite not trusting, well anyone, still liked being a dual champ, and he and Taker did survive the New Age Outlaws the following night, and The Rock (who was also trying to become a dual champ since he was IC champ) and Owen Hart a week later. But that Raw ended with all 4 teams brawling to end the show, leading to a 4 way match signed for the next Raw. But before the match could go down, Ken Shamrock took Owen Hart out for the night with the Ankle Lock, leading to European Champion D’Lo Brown taking his place.

Thus the match went from chaotic to historic, as being (as far as I can tell) the only match in WWF History to feature every champion the company had at the time in it.

Uh, that is… Well Owen wasn’t in the Triple Header match, therefore the tag champs weren’t involved.

Ok ok, the one match in WWF History where the World, Tag, IC AND Euro champions were involved. There.

Regardless, Kane and Mankind won back the tag titles, with Kane pinning The Undertaker after just one chokeslam, while Austin, Mankind, the Outlaws, Rock and D’Lo all brawled. This did get some people wondering, Taker losing to a sole chokeslam? That seemed rather unlikely.

Phase 23- The Brothers Of Destruction

Seeing that people were starting to put two and two together, Kane and Taker quickly officially announced their reunion, kicking Paul Bearer to the curb as the duo made it clear they were there to take over. At first the two seemed to be on the side of good, as at Summerslam, while Kane abandoned his tag belt and attacked Mankind after he lost the belts back to the Outlaws (with Kane hiding in the dumpster at ringside all long), Taker sent Kane to the back for the title match, the two having a hard hitting but straight up, clean match. Austin won with a Stunner, and Taker handed Austin the belt, the two having earned some degree of respect with each other.

It didn’t last.

Taker and Kane, on a special Saturday edition of Raw, systematically ruined almost every match, destroying those involved. Vince McMahon had announced a ‘Master Plan’ to get the belt off of Austin since Taker had failed, and the Brothers wanted to know what it was. It took the two chokeslamming Brisco and Patterson on Heat to crack Vince, who announced that he had booked Austin to defend his title against BOTH The Undertaker and Kane at Breakdown.

The two men then waged war on most of the WWF, assaulting anyone and everyone in their way. Special attention was paid to The Rock, Mankind and Ken Shamrock who were all on the bubble when it came to the WWF Title. A 3 way match on Raw between the three set to find a new #1 Contender ended with the BOD (with Vince in tow to watch first hand) damm near killing everyone involved to prove a point. All it did was delay the match to Breakdown and put it in a cage.

But at Breakdown, Vince did all he could to try and cost Austin the match. He even changed the rules, forcing Taker and Kane to focus on Austin since neither man could win the title by pinning each other, they had to pin Austin. This seemed to backfire when the two brothers came to blows, but eventually Kane and Taker ended up pinning Austin at the same time, thus giving the belt to…

Well, to Vince.

Phase 23b- The BOD vs. Austin… vs. Vince.

Vince was set to announce what would happen with the belt the following night on Raw, but after Austin drove a Zamboni down to the ring and jumped over everyone to take Vince down, and the BOD did nothing, Vince got mad. He declared that the two brothers would have to fight at Judgment Day for the vacant belt. The Brothers weren’t happy about this, but then Vince made the mistake of flipping them off… and letting Taker see him do this. The BOD then broke his leg in response.

The two brothers seemed to be somewhat ok with the match, neither man being pleased about it but willing to play along. But in reality, Taker was pissed off. He was angry at Vince, at Austin, at Kane, everyone.

And that gave Paul Bearer a small opening.

Paul probably laid on the honey, about how he had been a fool, about how Taker had proven himself, and then offered his services. And Taker, once again, listened. Certainly, with Vince getting more and more paranoid, and Austin finding more and more depths of anger to fight back with, Taker was running out of options. Vince forcing Austin to be the ref for the title match, with threat of firing if he didn’t raise the winner’s hand was probably the last straw for Mark.

Vince had clearly gone mad, he wasn’t doing right by The Undertaker, and thus not right by the company. And so, at Judgment Day, as Taker and Kane fought, Paul Bearer returned. Kane was happy at first, Paul handing his son a chair. But then he and Taker both blasted Kane with chairs, and Taker covered for the obvious 3 count and the title.

Austin then gave him the birds, and Stunned him. He then counted both men down, and got fired as a result.

The next night on Raw, The Undertaker finally returned to the Dark Side, and in doing so made a statement that to this day, people still argue about…

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Mathew Sforcina