wrestling / Columns
The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 10.30.08
Vote or Die
Next Tuesday is a very important day in the history of our country. Of course, I’m speaking of Election Day: the day when people get to use their God-given right to vote. Seeing as this is the final Small-For-All News Report before the election, I might as well voice my opinion on a few things. First, while some of you might be “voted-out” from Cyber Sunday, I really believe that you should vote in the election. Look, I don’t care who you vote for, but it’s important that you vote. Unless, of course, you live in a state that is overwhelmingly red or blue, then your vote is meaningless. Then again, at least this meaningless vote will be free unlike voting for Goldust or Kane/Mysterio in a 2 out of 3 Falls match.
While the election’s main event of John McCain vs. Barack Obama is what people are waiting for, there are a few choice matchups in the undercard (depending on where you live). My personal favorite is below:
Yes, Benoit vs. Guerrero is coming to a home near you (if you live in California)! In the spirit of the upcoming election, I will let the Small-For-All Universe decide who should win the election. Do you believe that Arthur Guerrero will lie, cheat, and steal his way to victory? Or do you believe that John Benoit has a chokehold on the Senate position? Vote below in the comments section.
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Keep waiting…
Yes, Yes…
WHAMMY!!!!!
In today’s edition of the Small-For-All, we take a look at all the important news in the world of professional entertainment. From the latest in injuries to Diva name changes to the latest in facial hair, it’s all here in the Small-For-All!
NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS
Facial Features
At the Small-For-All, we take pride in having many “You Heard It Here First” stories. The following is one of those stories you will never see CSONKA speak on in his news report. A special thanks to Smallophile Matt P for emailing me in regards to this topic. While I had every intention on writing on this regardless, it’s good to know that the Small-For-All Universe is regularly seeking out topics for me to speak on.
The big news of the week is that our favorite Rated R Entertainer has grown a full beard and mustache! Edge was spotted at the opening night of Metallica’s Death Magnetic tour in Glendale, Arizona rocking his newfound facial hair. Here’s a picture:
Someone needs to ask Lita if it tickles!
Will Edge keep his beard for his return? I certainly hope so. For there are no barbers in hell.
Bourne: Beaten & Broken
According to Wrestlezone.net, “Evan Bourne tore ligaments in his ankle during the six-man tag match that aired during Tuesday’s ECW show. He was advised to stay off the ankle and could miss up to four months. However, he is hoping to make a faster recovery or work through the injury.”
Tough break for Bourne! Considering he’s become one of ECW’s top performers in a matter of months, it’s a tad upsetting to see the Bourne train derailed. With that said, an injury angle via a Mark Henry attack would go a long way in setting up a return storyline for Bourne. Here’s hoping he can recover a tad quicker and make a return at the Royal Rumble.
Another Milestone
Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that Raw was toting their 800th episode? I could have sworn that this milestone was hit on September 22nd. So what’s the deal with next week’s three-hour edition?
Well according to various sites, next week’s Raw is a celebration of the 800th episode. You see, the anniversary date was correct; however, you can’t celebrate a party without a three-hour episode. Since Vince is supposedly against three-hour episodes, I have a feeling that Bonnie “War” Hammer asked Vince to theme next week’s edition and this is the best the company could come up with. While I hope that next week’s celebration has a few unfamiliar faces (like Yurple the Clown), at least we will witness the burial of John Morrison and the Miz.
As for the other main event, Batista battles Chris Jericho in a Steel Cage for the Heavyweight Title. I’m not surprised with the steel cage stipulation seeing as that’s what Jericho fought CM Punk with after he won the title. Lazy booking or another case of the WWE showing how ineffective Mike Adamle is as a GM? You decide.
Biten’ Newsbites
From all the usual sources (especially Mike Johnson).
Layla El’s name has officially changed to Layla London.
In unrelated news, Paul London has officially been future endeavored. Oh shit!
Taylor Rotunda, son of Mike Rotunda (I.R.S.), has been signed to a WWE developmental deal and is now training in FCW.
Chances are his finisher will be known as “The Recession.”
The network premieres of both Raw and Smackdown in Mexico were quite a success as over 1 million people watched these episodes.
Wow, that’s almost what TNA gets weekly!
Let’s see: what am I missing?
KHALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately this is a slow week in Khali news as he was left off of this past Sunday’s Cyber Sunday show. Being his #1 fan, I boycotted the show unless there was news that a special PPV Khali Kiss Kam was in store. Sadly, that never happened and I took Cyber Sunday off. Now while Khali was not on stage at the show, he was making waves behind the scenes.
For those of you who watched the show, you might have realized that a few celebrities were on hand for the show. The biggest (literally) superstar to attend the show was Shaquille O’ Neal of the Phoenix Suns. Unlike the last time, Shaq attend a WWE show (when he took a chairshot from Carlito), this time he had a much more pleasant experience. How so? Well he got to hang out with the Great Khali. While news is still out whether Shaq has become a devout follower of Khalism, he did take a second to allow a lucky fan to snap a picture with the Great One. Here’s the picture:
I don’t know about you but I would seriously pay money for these two to form a tag team. If the WWE is serious about revamping their tag team division, they should stop trying to make Morrison & the Miz look good and focus on the true entertainers: those that are over 7′ tall.
NEWS FROM O-TOWN
So two black men walk into a bar…
According to the Wrestling Observer, “TNA star Booker T has plans to picket a Houston sports bar called Vito’s Deck House because he believes they discriminated against the Christian faith.
On Sunday afternoon, Booker T and Marty Wright (a.k.a. WWE star “The Boogeyman”) went to the sports bar to watch an NFL game. Wright, who was wearing the cross, was asked to take it off by the bartender, or leave. According to the bartender, it was a violation of the bar’s dress code.
Booker got upset and asked to speak to the manager. The manager explained that it was a violation of the dress code. Booker asked where the dress code was posted at, and as it turns out, it wasn’t posted anywhere. Booker refused to leave and told Wright not to leave.
Police were called and they told Booker and Wright to leave the premises. Booker said he saw two other patrons at the bar wearing crosses and they were not approached by management and told to leave. Although, the two patrons left the sports bar when they saw Booker and Wright being kicked out over Wright wearing the cross.
Booker has a protest scheduled and he hopes it gets as much publicity as possible to inform people about the sports bar suppressing people’s freedom to express their belief in God.”
Nice work by our TNA Legends Champion. While it’s unfortunate that he and the Boogeyman were discriminated against, it’s good to see that he is trying to make something from it. Personally though, I’m just surprised that a bartender had the balls to come up to the motherfucking Boogeyman and ask him to hide his cross. He’s just lucky that he’s not eating worms six feet under.
Mick Foley is a hardcore pussy
Here are excerpts from a recent Mick Foley interview with Mike Mooneyham:
“It would be tough to overstate how much I disliked my last 3 1/2 months with WWE.”
“It was a month before I got the first dose of Vince’s unique medicine. I spoke to him the next day about it and told him I couldn’t remember the last time I had been belittled and treated so disrespectfully. I accepted his apology and accepted that it was just part of a bad night he was having. But within a few weeks I realized that it would be part of the job and that I had to make a decision as to whether I found that acceptable.”
“I told Vince had he treated me like that in ‘96 or at any time over the last 12 years, it wouldn’t have come as such a shock. But those were magic headsets … all the respect I had earned over the past 12 years just kind of disappeared.”
Honestly, if Foley had issues with the announcing gig, he should have been a man and confronted Vince about it before things got out of hand. While I am sure that Vince is brutal on his announcers, you would think that Foley would have the testicular fortitude to make it through it. Considering Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and even JR withstand Vince’s rules each week, you’d think someone who has fallen off of the Hell in the Cell structure would do the same. I mean seriously, how hard is it to laugh hysterically everytime Hornswoggle is on screen?
Sting Says Goodbye… Next Year!
According to a recent interview with the UK Sun, Sting mentioned that he has plans to retire in 2009 before he embarrasses himself. Considering that last year we had a successful Ric Flair storyline, I am interested in seeing what TNA can come up with to top this. Now while next year is his final year, Sting still has plenty of mileage left on him as this Main Event Mafia vs. New Blood storyline has just begun. If I were a betting man as to when Sting will retire, it will probably be around Bound for Glory V.
COMING ATTRACTIONS
Remember kids, this Tuesday is Election Day. Vote or Die. Especially for this man:
For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
