The Shimmy 11.17.08: Booking WrestleMania, The November Edition

Dark Match: Kung Fu Naki vs. Chavo Guerrero

Funaki has found himself getting a nice little push, why not give him the biggest win of his career by letting him beat a former World Champion at WrestleMania? Besides, I’ve already got a Battle Royal and Lumberjack Match booked for the main show, so I needed a fun dark match.

BunnyMania II: Carlito & Nikki Bella vs. Primo & Brie Bella

In regards to the WrestleMania Playboy push I think a lot of people have disregarded Kelly Kelly’s assertion that she will not be posing. But let’s take her at her word. WWE has recently come upon a commodity that would work quite well in such a magazine: twins. Give the Bella Twins the Playboy push, and integrate your WWE Tag Team Champions into the mix as well. This can either be done as a face vs. face match played up for the novelty factor, or Carlito and Nikki could turn heel over the course of the next few months.

Biggest Battle Royal of All Time: Big Show vs. Kane vs. Umaga vs. The Great Khali vs. Mark Henry vs. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Mike Knox vs. Jack Swagger vs. Snitsky vs. Festus vs. Ezekiel Jackson vs. Kizarny vs. Bam Neely vs. The Boogeyman vs. Goldust vs. Santino Marella vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jamie Noble vs. Beth Phoenix vs. “Big Charlie Cool” Diesel vs. Hulk Hogan vs. Sid Vicious vs. Vader vs. Rikishi vs. Big Daddy V vs. Kimbo Slice vs. …

I’ve been a proponent of this match for the last three years, but none more so than this year. I noticed I had a lot of big men that did not have a substantial role at WrestleMania, so why not let them beat the hell out of each other? The list I have there is not a definition prediction either. The principle characters (Show, Kane, Umaga, Khali, Henry, Kozlov) would certainly be there, but the rest of the people I have listed are just suggestions for who could fill out the match. Other big guys that are getting pushes (Festus, Knox), deluded or ballsy midcarders (Santino, Dreamer, Noble), big men of the past (Hogan, Sid, Rikishi). WWE could even bring back former athletes that they have worked with in the past like Akebono, Butterbean, or Lawrence Taylor. I like the dynamic of having Beth Phoenix in the match and she should be able to eliminate at least one person. And if MMA doesn’t work out for Kimbo Slice, this could be a good place to introduce him to a wrestling audience. I’d definitely have Big Show win this match to finally set him up for a title feud post-Mania, and you’ve got to admit a final two of Big Show-Kimbo would be pretty cool.

Intercontinental Title Match: William Regal © vs. Finlay

And here’s the token wrestling match of the card. With the Raw-ECW talent exchange this match is a definite possibility and we’ve seen in the past that they can have some great matches together. Plus it should get everyone to stop bitching about the IC Title not being defended at WrestleMania.

World Tag Team Title, Losers Must Disband Match: John Morrison & The Miz© vs. Cryme Tyme

Please note that I am not saying that this feud should stretch from now until WrestleMania. That would be crazy. I do think that as long as the Dirt Sheet and Word Up are both on WWE.com that there will be the opportunity to revisit this feud later on down the road, particularly when the World Tag Team Titles get involved. Cryme Tyme has been in the interesting position of being a team that is pushed pretty hard but has not won the tag titles. Likewise, as great as Miz and Morrison have been, eventually their schtick will get old (sad to say) and both of them will have to move on to life post-tag team. This is that opportunity to give Cryme Tyme their big win and allow for Miz and Morrison to move on to the next stage in their careers. Plus it should get everyone to stop bitching about the Tag Team Titles not being defended at WrestleMania.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Evan Bourne vs. Christian vs. R-Truth vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. JBL vs. The Brian Kendrick vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

Yes, I know I have ten people listed here. I doubt we will actually see ten people in the match, but I’m taking into consideration the various factors that could come into play over the next four and a half months, assuming that not all ten of these wrestlers will actually be able to compete in the match. Still, take any combination of those ten guys and I think you’re in for one hell of a match. If worse comes to worse JBL can be moved into the Battle Royal, and I’m not 100% sold that Christian will be leaving TNA, so there’s your eight guys right there. There is also the possibility of moving JBL or Cody Rhodes into the ECW Title Match, but seeing as I’ve got a lot of multiperson matches as is I wanted to leave that match alone. I really like Evan Bourne in this match as I think putting him in the Money in the Bank environment at such a big show could really be a star making performance for him. I think WWE sees Bourne as their version of the early-WCW Rey Mysterio, and that’s a good thing.

Dog Collar Match: Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

Once Jericho is out of the World Heavyweight Title picture I can see him moving into a feud with CM Punk. In my projected timeline of events I had Jericho & Christian against Punk & Kofi at No Way Out. I’m not sure what issues could be created between the two to have a Dog Collar Match, but I just think the gimmick would work for both men (we’ve seen Punk in that great Dog Collar Match against Jimmy Rave in ROH), and if you can have a Belfast Brawl at WrestleMania I think you can have a Dog Collar Match.

ECW Title Match: Matt Hardy© vs. Ted DiBiase

I’ve had that damn “Priceless” theme song stuck in my head all day. I say at WrestleMania XXV Ted DiBiase should finally win a World Title…just not THAT Ted DiBiase. I think WWE looks at DiBiase as the biggest star out of the next generation crop, and I can’t say I blame them. This could be an even better moment if Ted’s dad goes into the Hall of Fame that weekend.

Mr. Kennedy & Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Triple H & Randy Orton

I like the idea of wrapping the upcoming McMahon power struggle in all this. Stephanie McMahon, having plotted having her dad rubbed out would not be backed by her husband who would be in need of a heel turn. There is also Triple H’s former Evolution teammate Rand Orton who we have already seen butt heads with Shane McMahon, and his interaction with Austin at Cyber Sunday could be some good foreshadowing. Mr. Kennedy can finally get that rub of defending Mr. McMahon and working with his idol, and Austin can come back and work with two good hands in Orton and Triple H. Now, as for why Austin would be on the pro-McMahon bandwagon, I’d see him more of a recruit of Shane and Kennedy who just wants to get a piece of Orton and Triple H. And of course that would also set up nicely for both Vince and Austin to be in the middle of the ring for the final KICK-WHAM-STUNNER.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Not a lot to explain here. We want it. Shawn Michaels apparently wants it. They teased it at the Record Breaking 800th Episode Celebration. It makes sense to have it at WrestleMania. Book it.

World Heavyweight Title Match: John Cena© vs. Batista

I don’t think it is a stretch to say that WWE would probably like to go with this match. The question is whether the match is a rematch (which parity booking would make the outcome rather obvious) or the rubber match (which risks making the match not feel as special because they’d have to fit the rematch in between now and then). Predictable booking has never been much of an issue at WrestleMania though, plus with the title on the line maybe things would be different. I have Cena winning the title at Armageddon, defending against Jericho at the Royal Rumble, then against Orton at No Way Out, with Batista winning the Elimination Chamber to earn the title shot. Truth be told I like the idea of a Triple Threat with Orton involved to get the whole Class of 2002 in there, but considering we just had a Triple Threat with both Cena and Orton at this year’s WrestleMania I doubt they’d go that route. This could have a real big match feel to it and could serve as either the top main event or the No. 2 main event.

WWE Title Match: Jeff Hardy© vs. Edge

And here was the root of my inspiration. After watching the evolution of Jeff Hardy on SmackDown, I am convinced that this new attitude could help Jeff get over as a long term champion. I also think that a potential matchup between Edge and Hardy could be very intriguing. Actually I thought a match between the two at WrestleMania would have been intriguing before, but even more so now. Jeff wins the title at Survivor Series, defends against Vladimir Kozlov at Armageddon, against Big Show (finally getting his reward for taking out Taker) at Royal Rumble, then against Triple H at No Way Out. Edge meanwhile returns at the end of the year (while Taker is out thanks to Big Show), enters and wins the Royal Rumble, which is probably the only way he’d get a title shot with Vickie Guerrero running things on SmackDown. While he could leave for another brand, Edge stakes his claim early on to the WWE Title, and meets Evan Bourne (who lasted a long time in the Rumble match) in more or less an exhibition match at No Way Out where Bourne comes :that: close to winning. In any event these two men can put on one hell of a match as their styles should mesh perfectly. I wouldn’t even be too surprised to maybe see the old double switch in the heel and face tendencies during this match. This could be a very nice way to cap off WrestleMania.

That being said, indulge me for a bit. Let’s say that chances are that if this card were the actual card presented next year that either Jeff Hardy retaining the title in the main event, or Edge winning with Cena-Batista going last instead would be the likely scenarios. I don’t think that’s going too far out on a limb, I just want to make it clear that I understand that what I am about to present to you is highly unlikely and that if I were to be realistic about this my booking plans would have ended with the previous match.

Now one of the things that has been prevalent in some fantasy booking of WrestleMania, including my own, is some sort of feel good moment in the same vein as the Eddie & Benoit confetti celebration at the end of WrestleMania XX. This is particularly frequent with booking plans that involve the Hardys. However, while the story that that final moment told was one of two great friends that battled hard throughout their careers and finally made it to the top at the same time, it is also about a unique, special moment that, in theory, could potential change the way WWE operated going forward. So the end of this show does not have to be a carbon copy of that infamous WrestleMania moment, but instead a once in a lifetime occurrence that will add to the mythology of WrestleMania and stand out as a shining moment in professional wrestling history.

With that being said, let’s join the Jeff Hardy-Edge match in its latter stages. Hardy and Edge have brutalized each other, with each man kicking out of the other’s finisher. As the battle ensues Edge’s brother Christian slowly saunters down to the ring. He grabs the WWE Title and places it in the corner of the ring and then backs his way back to the ramp. On the ramp he is met by Matt Hardy and the two engage in fisticuffs. Jeff gets fed up and slingshots over the top rope onto both of them. When he gets back in the ring he is leveled by Edge and the title belt, unbeknownst to the ref who is still dealing with the issues outside. NO! NOT THIS WAY! NOT AT WRESTLEMANIA! 1…2…3! Here is your winner and NEW WWE Champion…EDGE! Edge celebrates in the ring, clutching his newly won belt as Jeff lays there in shock. Suddenly someone’s entrance music hits. A nervous looking Evan Bourne steps out onto the rampway with his Money in the Bank briefcase in hand. Edge stands in the ring puzzled and shocked as the ref meets Bourne at the bottom of the ramp to find out if Bourne is doing what he thinks he’s doing. While the ref talks with Bourne, Jeff is back up and surprises Edge with a Twist of Fate. Jeff slides out of the ring, the ref rings the bell, and Bourne enters, still looking nervous. He looks around the ring, realizes that Edge is down, and with the prompting of the crowd he heads to the top rope. AIR BOURNE! 1…2…3! Here is your winner and the NEW WWE Champion…EVAN BOURNE! The face locker room files out to celebrate the win with Bourne on their shoulders and the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania ends in an unpredictable, wild fashion.

Again, I realize that that final scenario puts the fantasy in fantasy booking, but it sure sounds good doesn’t it? Anyhow, that’s what I’ve got at this point in the game. I usually give this one more whack right after the Rumble so we’ll see if I feel so inclined in a few months. Thanks for humoring me this week, hope you enjoyed it.

The Shimmy Likes It Raw!

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