The Wrestling News Experience 11.24.08

Monday, November 24th, 2008

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, one day shy of 28 and feeling every day of it. Of course, I still look like I’m somewhere between 21 and 23 according to everyone else, so maybe I should count my blessings. Like my girlfriend buying me half a dozen DVDs for the occasion, including the new Eddie Guerrero collection. Better yet, she got the Wal-Mart version with the extra DVD featuring the tribute shows. The only problem is, as much as I want to see it (I didn’t have cable when it happened), I’m not sure I want to see it. After all, it represents one of my darkest and saddest days as a wrestling fan. It is a dilemma.

But to happier things we go, as this week marks (more or less) the end of my amazing fifth year as author, correspondent, and powerful overlord of the Wrestling News Experience. I have a speech prepared, but it’s at the end of the report, so you’ll have to read the stuff in between.

Moving on.

PPV In Review – WWE Survivor Series 2008

Lansdell has the live coverage. And no, RVD didn’t return. That joke is sooo early March.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend was home sick and bored, so she ordered the PPV and I saw the last half when I got home from work, and I’ll be rewatching it through the magic of videotape later. So there, people who bitch about me not watching PPVs and then having opinions.

Am I the only person who noticed that all four captains of the (male) Survivor Series matches were from Raw?

Team HBK defeated Team JBL

Survivors: HBK, Rey Mysterio, The Great Khali

Well, JBL didn’t get the win he could use, but Morrison got to be the final survivor for the heels, which lends credence to my belief that they actually have plans for the Bedazzled One.

Diva Team Raw defeated Diva Team Smackdown

Survivors: Beth Phoenix, Candice Michelle

Pretty bad. So this is why last year’s wasn’t an elimination match.

The Undertaker defeated The Big Show in a Casket Match

Team Orton defeated Team Batista

Survivors: Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes

Damn, I was so close to picking Rhodes to also survive, but then I thought about how useless he is.

Edge defeated Triple H and Vladimir Kozlov in a Triple Threat Match to win the WWE Championship (pinfall, Jeff Hardy chairshot spree)

We’ll talk more about the whole angle leading up to this match, but hey, it was a good return for Edge. Although, someone should tell him that the NHL playoffs aren’t for a few months yet. Also, so is Vicki okay with Edge cheating on her and giving her up to the Undertaker now?

John Cena defeated Chris Jericho to win the World Heavyweight Championship (pinfall, FU)

It was a result so obvious that I, and most of the staff, and probably most of you, thought that it couldn’t possibly go down like that. I was more sure that they wouldn’t switch the World title for the fourth time in two months, but apparently I shouldn’t have been so logical. Anyway, I guess we’re back to where we were just over a year ago, with Cena as champ of Raw.

Overall, well, the girlfriend was extremely disappointed with the PPV once Edge won the title, but Cena winning made her happy, and hey, the advertised card was good enough to convince her to pay for it, so there’s a vote for the show. I’ll have a better opinion once I watch the opening matches, but I did like what I saw, although the actual Cena-Jericho match was not as good as I thought it could be. Like I said, more on the other title match in the news.

What’s On Tap: 411 Exclusive Raw Preview for November 24th

Last night at Survivor Series, John Cena had a triumphant return, overthrowing the second coming of Chris Jericho’s World title reign and emerging as champion, regaining his spot on top of Raw for the first time since he was forced to vacate the title just over a year ago. One would expect that Jericho won’t take the defeat lying down, however.

Plus, Shawn Michaels may have out-smarted JBL at the PPV, but JBL walked away relatively unscathed, and lived to fight another day. Possibly today, who knows?

And Randy Orton’s team, including belligerent upstart Cody Rhodes, managed to overcome the stacked Team Batista due to misdirection, and you can be sure that the Animal will not be pleased after his rampage was cut short due to an unexpected RKO. And when Batista is not pleased, people get hurt.

All that plus probably even more, tonight on Raw!

Around The Horn

All right, so in case you were at work all day Sunday like I was, the big story was the elaborate worked incident involving Jeff Hardy that took him out of the Triple Threat match last night at Survivor Series. WWE.com reported early Sunday that Jeff had been rushed to an undisclosed hospital after being found unconscious in a stairwell at his hotel. As the PPV that night approached, some other news outlets picked up and ran with the story, while the Internet exploded in speculation about whether Jeff had just suffered his third Wellness strike, or whether WWE would actually have the gall to run a worked shoot of somewhat tasteless quality. Of course, once I found out about the news (my girlfriend called me at work, which made the last two hours of my shift really interesting), with no additional information, I was pretty sceptical of the legitimacy of the story. After all, WWE doesn’t usually “break” news of their performers overdosing on drugs on their website, they tend to keep it quiet and vague right up until the “future endeavours” announcement (see Cade, Lance). Of course, once they started with the “unsure if he’ll be able to wrestle tonight”, it was obviously just an angle. Still, it was fun to watch everyone speculate about what drugs Jeff had gotten into this time.

In the end, I think WWE played the angle quite well, and might have even teased a few extra buys out of some people who wanted to see where the whole thing was going. I mean, obviously they wouldn’t do something like this just to give us all that long-awaited Triple H-Kozlov one-on-one match, so something big was probably in the works. Of course, Edge returned and won the title via nefarious means, which I think qualifies as fairly big. And suddenly, Smackdown is no longer the Triple H show, it’s Edge back on top, and Jeff Hardy, the man who was screwed out of the title match, chasing Edge for the title. It’s new, it’s fresh, and hey, the matches will probably be pretty good too.

Of course, Jeff doesn’t get to beat Triple H for the title, which would mean a lot, but I don’t think anyone saw that coming for real anyway. Besides, he did get semi-clean (considering those involved) wins over both Triple H and The Undertaker this past month, so I’d say there’s a big diamond-studded belt in Jeff’s near future.

As for those who suggested that it was tasteless given that Eddie Guerrero’s sudden death occurred in November three years ago, and also involved his body being found having suddenly collapsed in his hotel, honestly, it did occur to me, but really, in the ranks of tasteless things related to Eddie’s death, it ranks way above Randy Orton claiming that Eddie is burning in hell, then driving a memorial lowrider through a flaming stage. Granted, the fact that I’m even able to find enough instances that I can manage a scale isn’t a great commentary on pro wrestling, but some things about wrestling I accepted a long time ago.

And now, on with the other news that might have happened while we were speculating about Jeff’s possible addictions.

Former WWE Diva Krystal Marshall won Ms. Bikini America last week, showing the range and talent that made her so easily replaced on WWE TV. Congratulations to Krystal, I suppose. I mean, sure, you won a bikini contest, but you could have been Edge’s latest girlfriend, and then a badly dancing valet to the newest guy on ECW TV! I mean, given those choices, what would you pick?

TNA will be changing the “group name” of the TNA Originals, since some of the wrestlers involved are not technically “Originals”. Well, they could just dress Sabin and Shelley up as The Johnsons instead, but I guess a name change works. Suggestions have been running wild via the usual semi-witty channels, and who would I be if I didn’t jump right in with:

– Samoa Joe and the Rest
– nWo Black and…let’s go with Teal
– Members of ECW’s next New Talent Initiative
– Wrestlers Who Didn’t Debut Until WCW Was Dead…Damn, How Old Does That Make The MEM?

TNA DVDs will soon be available in France. I guess you could say that France surrendered to TNA’s marketing department.

Hey, they can’t all be winners.

Future “Worst Match of 2008” Winner (I’m just guessing, we haven’t voted yet) Dustin Rhodes is expected to return to wrestle for WWE in his Goldust persona for what must be roughly the 356th time since he debuted. No word on which wacky partnership and/or characteristic/physical/mental deformity he’ll be given this time, but my money’s on “abnormal lower abdominal expansion”.

So they just released half a dozen young, hungry wrestlers and decided to bring Goldust back for another go? Ah, the intricacies of running a multi-million dollar corporation. I guess.

TNA is planning to bring back the Turkey Bowl match for the Thanksgiving Impact this week, as well as the “Feast or Fired” match for an upcoming PPV. Seriously, when did I become that guy from “Body Snatchers”, running through the streets watching wrestling companies bring back old wrestlers and gimmick matches from the past despite how much they sucked in the past and nobody wants to see them, with myself the only person on earth who can see how bad an idea it is? Okay, I know it’s not just me. It’s still a good analogy.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 11.17.08

WWE Raw

– Dolph Ziggler, out 30 days as of October 10th (Wellness violation)
– John Cena, out until Survivor Series as of August 27th (neck)
– Hardcore Holly, out indefinitely (rehab)
– Melina, out indefinitely as of June 23rd (fractured heel)

WWE SmackDown

– Hurricane Helms, out indefinitely as of May 17th, 2007 (neck surgery)
– Mr. Kennedy, out 6 months as of August 4th (dislocated shoulder)
– Umaga, out indefinitely as of August 20th (PCL)

ECW

– Evan Bourne, ECW, out 4-6 weeks (torn deltoid)

TNA

– Kaz, out 4 months as of October 1st (triceps)
– Moose, out 6 months as of July 7th (broken femur)

Transactions

– Arrrrrrmando Alejandrrrrrro Estrrrrrrrada, ECW, released from his contract

– Dolph Ziggler, RAW, returned to television on November 17th Raw

So, here’s the big question: will Ziggler ever manage to actually wrestle a match? And when he does, is he a good guy? A bad guy? What are his motivations? All he does is introduce himself. Why should we care?

– DJ Gabriel, ECW, made ECW debut on November 18th ECW on Sci Fi

You’d think they wouldn’t want to draw attention to the fact that Gabriel’s valet used to be Edge and Vicki’s wedding planner, but then, I guess that’s why I don’t write for WWE

– Edge, SD!, returned to action at Survivor Series

– John Cena, RAW, returned to action at Survivor Series

Who’s Holding Gold

WWE

**NEW** WWE Champion: Edge
– 1 day reign, defeated former champion Triple H, and Vladimir Kozlov in a Triple Threat Match on November 23rd (Survivor Series PPV)

**NEW** World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena
– 1 day reign, defeated Chris Jericho on November 23rd (Survivor Series PPV)

ECW Champion: Matt Hardy
– 77 day reign, defeated former champion Mark Henry, The Miz, Finlay, and Chavo Guerrero in a Scramble Match on September 7th (Unforgiven PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: William Regal
– 14 day reign, defeated Santino Marella on November 10th (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: Shelton Benjamin
– 127 day reign, defeated Matt Hardy on July 20th (Great American Bash PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: CM Punk and Kofi Kingston
– 28 day reign, defeated Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase on October 28th (Raw)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
– 59 day reign, defeated Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder on September 26th (Smackdown)

WWE Women’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 99 day reign, with Santino Marella, defeated Mickie James and Kofi Kingston in a Winner Take All match on August 17th (Summerslam PPV)

WWE Diva’s Champion: Michelle McCool
– 127 day reign, defeated Natalya Neidhart on July 20th to win the newly-created title (Great American Bash PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Sting
– 43 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 12th (Bound For Glory PPV)
– Next title defense: with the Main Event Mafia, vs Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and two others, if Team TNA wins, AJ Styles wins the title (I know, I know, just go with it)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money Inc
– 106 day reign, defeated LAX on August 10th (Hard Justice PPV)

**NEW** TNA X-Division Champion: Sheik Abdul Bashir
– 4 day reign, “Dusty Finish” reversed Eric Young title win on November 20th (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong
– 32 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde on October 23rd (Impact)

TNA Legends Champion: Booker T
– 32 day reign, introduced new title on October 23rd (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Lansdell and Prag have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat talks Survivor Series and Jack Swagger

Short has The Navigation Log

Ari has Column of Honor

Rodriguez has For The Record

Bond has Against The Grain

And Sforcina has Not An Evolution Schematic.

Oh, and not that he needs it, but the return of Dunn’s Rawtopsy gets a special plug for being on such a geek level that he actually managed to work in a “Manos: The Hands of Fate” reference. Truly, he is a genius.

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EST.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player’s Poker League.

That’s our show, before we go, in celebration of my five years at 411 (which, by the way, is even longer than Larry), I have a few things that need to be mentioned.

I have covered a whole lot of wrestling news over the last five years. I wrote about the rise of John Cena, Batista, and Randy “Dorkboy” Orton semi-popular midcarders to the main event mainstays they’ve become, and also Brock Lesnar’s journey in the other direction (only to see him rise again recently, proving that it’s not just the wrestling business that can be circular). I’ve been an editor, a Roundtable organizer, the host of the Year End Awards, and even the winner of the Great Positivity Debate. I covered the highs of the first ECW One Night Stand, WrestleMania XX, my boy Edge’s first title win, and the lows of Eddie, Benoit, and far too many others. And through it all, I’ve tried to remain relevant, irreverent, and accessible to everyone. Whether you like me, love me, or hate me, I like to think that all my readers respect me (except for the obvious Comment trolls), and I’ve been blessed to share these past five years with all my fans and the 411 staff.

Of course, I have to thank some people. Grut, for letting me win the right to write in the first place. Ashish, for letting me become a flagship writer and giving me a whole lot of leeway over the years. Michael Melchor, for being the only writer with the balls to call me a friend and colleague without being sarcastic. Dave Gagnon, for being the mortal enemy that Cook, JT, Prag, Lansdell, and Larry only wish they could be. Sean Carless, for being awesome and Canadian and almost as hilarious as me. And my girlfriend, for letting me ignore her every Sunday night for nearly two years now so I could write this column.

But after five whole years, what’s left for me to do? I remember when I started, I said to Grut that if I were still doing this after five years, he could shoot me. Fortunately, I think he forgot about that, but the issue remains. Maybe I’ve done everything I can here at 411, and should just move on and let someone else take my spot.

So, on the anniversary of my first Experience here at 411, I want to say to you, the readers of 411, that I, Stephen Randle, legendary figure…I…will NEVER RETIRE!

That’s right, if somebody wants my spot, they’re going to have to fight me for it, and I always fight dirty. And after five years, I’m still just as pumped to provide all my readers with the weekly wrestling news that they’ve come to expect, and maybe even love. Or maybe not.

The point is…I forget that too. But anyway, that’s five years worth of shows, Larry’s in tomorrow, I’ll be back next week. Here it is, your moment of Zen.

The Lich King calls…I must answer…

Have a good one, and always be a fan.