The Wrestling News Experience 12.29.08

Monday, December 29th, 2008

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, back from an enjoyable, and shockingly wrestling-heavy, Supershow in Toronto, as well as that Christmas thing everyone’s talking about. Final total on the gifts: a sweet surround sound stereo/DVD system, Rock Band, a WWE sports jacket, and a kitten named Buddy. Mostly because that’s what I was calling him anyway. And while we didn’t get on TV (that I know of), at least I wasn’t the only one in section 101 offering applause for JBL’s well-thought out plan. Of course, I was just doing it to irritate my HBK-loving fiancée. It is a shame that she didn’t get to see The Undertaker’s entrance live, but it did make me realize…when was he last on TV, anyway? More on that in the news section.

From our promotions department, I’m obliged to remind you that the 411 Wrestling Year End Awards for 2008 will be running starting on January 5th, including commentary from 411 writers, especially me! Be ready to check it out, after all, how else will you be able to complain about how incorrect our opinions are?

Moving on.

What’s On Tap: WWE Raw for December 29th

This week on Raw, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, JBL, and Randy Orton will battle in a Fatal Four-Way match, with the winner earning a title shot against John Cena at the Royal Rumble. How will HBK’s status as an employee of Bradshaw affect the outcome of this match? I’m sure some of you have the same theory I do.

Plus, the Royal Rumble is nearly right around the corner, and it’s about the time of year when you start seeing some qualifying matches for the big event. Who will punch their ticket for a chance at the main event of WrestleMania?

In addition, the stalking of Kelly Kelly seems to be continuing, as she seems to be protecting someone from the wrath of Kane. Hopefully it’s not Matt Hardy, you’d think he’d have learned the first time. And with Sim Snuka putting his name out there last week, is Manu’s place in The Legacy secure after he took the loss against Kofi Kingston in Toronto? All this, plus the continuing strange appearance of Beth Phoenix’s #1 fan, tonight on Raw!

Around The Horn

Joanie “Chyna” Laurer was reportedly rushed to hospital this weekend, having allegedly washed down pills with alcohol, and is, at last notice, awaiting a mental evaluation and preparing to enter rehab once she is released. As much fun as it’s been to mock Chyna and her descent from stardom, and as useful as she is as an object lesson for why you shouldn’t let popularity go to your head, I’m sure nobody wishes her any sort of tragic ending. Then again, I did see the Comments section when Batista’s injury was announced, and that did kind of kill my faith in humanity. Don’t worry, it was a mercy killing.

Word around the WWE water cooler is that Vince McMahon has quashed the Hade Vansen character after a single promo segment. Was it because he sucked? No, silly, it was because the plan was to put Hansen, as well as proposed stablemates Kevin Thorne and Black Pain, in a feud with the Undertaker, and Vince felt that it would be bad to put an “unproven” talent in such a big feud. Obviously, the loss of his proposed storyline would explain why The Undertaker has been off TV since the Big Show feud, but hey, let’s focus on why this was possibly a bad idea. I know, Vince have a bad idea? Never! But seriously, a little over a decade ago, Vince was faced with a similar situation: he had a completely untested character that seemed ready-made for a feud with The Undertaker. Because he needed fresh blood right away due to the nWo sending WCW into the stratosphere, Vince not only put the character into an immediate feud with Taker after his debut, he even let him beat Taker in a series of matches over that summer. The new character, drawing off his own natural skills and buoyed by credibility due to beating one of the big fish in WWE, went on to become a multi-time World Champion, a certified legend in the business, and oh yeah, a New York Times bestselling author. Now, I’m not suggesting that Hade Vansen and his group of misfits were going to set the world on fire and re-ignite the wrestling boom. But isn’t it possible that Vince has become a little too conservative with his promotion these days? The Undertaker will be over forever, and if Vansen doesn’t work out, you can always get rid of him later. But why avoid taking a chance on a new character just because you don’t think a “newbie” should be in a feud with your top talent right away. Hell, that didn’t stop you with Heidenreich, or Nathan Jones, or any number of other talent over the years, and it’d be hard for someone to fail worse than that. And who knows, you might even end up with that elusive “next big thing” you’ve been looking for ever since 2001.

Speaking of Mick Foley (sorry if you hadn’t guessed already), he’s gotten into it with a Sports Illustrated journalist who attempted to parallel Mickey Rourke’s poor, broken down old wrestler with Foley, who was also attending the media screening, in his review of the movie. Now, Mick may be old and broken down, but anyone who’s not been living on Mars for the last decade or so with their eyes closed and their fingers in the ears knows he’s not poor. The journalist apparently drew this parallel due to Mick’s typical ensemble during the show, which admittedly is pretty shabby. But to be fair to Mick, if he didn’t wear red flannel and sweatpants, no one would know who he was, and he would have been turned away from the press screening in the first place. The point is, go and see The Wrestler the instant you can, because it’s up for a bunch of Golden Globes and even if it wasn’t, you can’t go wrong with a movie that uses Bruce Springsteen for the title track.

In light of the results of last weekend’s UFC event (oh no, it’s MMA news in a wrestling column! Somebody think of the children!), Brock Lesnar’s next MMA fight will be a UFC heavyweight title unification match against the only man to beat him inside the octagon, Frank Mir. And after seeing all the UFC promos running non-stop, I vote that Brock needs a UFC nickname. Come on, once you start calling guys “The Axe Murderer”, the list of available and cool nicknames is already scraping the bottom of the barrel. I vote for Brock “Manimal” Lesnar. That’d look great on a t-shirt.

Former wrestler Tyler Mane (well, he was Big Sky in WCW, I doubt he brags about it) has signed on to play Michael Myers in a sequel to Rob Zombie’s Halloween. Mane also played Myers in the first film. So, just to make sure, not only did we remake a classic horror movie, badly I might add, and completely reboot the origin story, but now we’re making a sequel of a rebooting remake of a classic horror movie that already had a bunch of sequels? I have money that says in ten years, movie fans are going to be more confused about continuity that wrestling fans.

Dolph Ziggler beating up Santa Claas (no, that’s not a typo, you should have watched the show) made GTV program Attack of the Show‘s “Around The Net” feature last week. I just started watching that program last month, and despite it providing very little in the way of useful information or real news, I can’t stop tuning in. I suspect subliminal messages.

TNA will be airing a “Best of 2008” special on January 1st this week. Oh, please let the Lethal-Dutt Ladder Match be included. Because I’ve trapped a guy in a spaceship and need more crappy videos so he’ll go insane and I can rule the world.

R-Truth was denied entrance into Canada for the Toronto Supershow last week, leading to speculation about what might have happened. Really, I suspect that someone at the border just discovered that R-Truth has a previous criminal record, and that is a legal reason to deny entry into Canada. After all, we can’t let more criminals into Canada, we already have too many politicians.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 12.22.08

WWE Raw

– Hardcore Holly, out indefinitely (rehab)
– Ted Dibiase, out indefinitely as of November 10th (kayfabe, concussion)

WWE SmackDown

– Umaga, out indefinitely as of August 20th (PCL)

ECW

– Evan Bourne, out 4-6 weeks (torn deltoid)

TNA

– Moose, out 6 months as of July 7th (broken femur)
– Suicide (Kaz), out indefinitely as of December 15th (torn bicep)

Transactions

– Batista, RAW, out 6-8 months as of December 22nd (hamstring)

The fact that WWE is reporting this suggests there may be hope of his return for WrestleMania, but given his career of muscle tears, I would think they’d try to avoid rushing him. Honestly, giving him 6 months or so off TV would probably be a good idea, and stop people from thinking about how many failed World title PPV shots he’s had in the past two years. A shame, really, he was finally in a feud that did NOT involve him getting a shot at a title.

– Kizarny, SD!, will make in-ring debut this week on Smackdown

And given from what I saw in his dark match, he’d better have something special planned, because the match he had with Hawkins was quite dull, and it wasn’t just Hawkins’ fault.

– Trish Stratus, RAW, made special guest appearance on December 22nd Raw

Note for wrestling fans with girlfriends: avoid marking out too hard when Trish Stratus makes a surprise appearance at the Raw you’re attending.

Who’s Holding Gold

Ding, dong, the incredibly long and insipid reign of Michelle McCool is gone. Maybe we’ll actually see the title start being defended regularly…against Gail Kim, perhaps?

WWE

WWE Champion: Jeff Hardy
– 15 day reign, defeated former champion Edge and Triple H in a Triple Threat Match on December 14th (Armageddon PPV)

World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena
– 36 day reign, defeated Chris Jericho on November 23rd (Survivor Series PPV)

ECW Champion: Matt Hardy
– 113 day reign, defeated former champion Mark Henry, The Miz, Finlay, and Chavo Guerrero in a Scramble Match on September 7th (Unforgiven PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: William Regal
– 49 day reign, defeated Santino Marella on November 10th (Raw)
– Next title defense: vs CM Punk, undetermined date

WWE United States Champion: Shelton Benjamin
– 162 day reign, defeated Matt Hardy on July 20th (Great American Bash PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: John Morrison and The Miz
– 16 day reign, defeated CM Punk and Kofi Kingston on December 13th (Hamilton, ON house show)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
– 94 day reign, defeated Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder on September 26th (Smackdown)

WWE Women’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 134 day reign, with Santino Marella, defeated Mickie James and Kofi Kingston in a Winner Take All match on August 17th (Summerslam PPV)

**NEW** WWE Diva’s Champion: Maryse
– 3 day reign, defeated Michelle McCool on December 26th (Smackdown)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Sting
– 78 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 12th (Bound For Glory PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Rhino, Genesis PPV

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money Inc
– 141 day reign, defeated LAX on August 10th (Hard Justice PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: VACANT
– Title held up in an X-Division title tournament due to disputed finish of Eric Young-Sheik Abdul Bashir match at Final Resolution PPV

TNA Knockouts Champion: Awesome Kong
– 67 day reign, defeated Taylor Wilde on October 23rd (Impact)

TNA Legends Champion: Booker T
– 67 day reign, introduced new title on October 23rd (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Harrison and Prag have the weekend news reports.

The Triple Threat gives out their own awards for 2008.

Rodriguez has For The Record.

Short has The Navigation Log.

Sforcina has the most airbrushed Evolution Schematic ever!

And Ari has Column of Honor: Final Column 2008 Part One and Part Two.

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EST.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player’s Poker League.

That’s our show, before we go, we check in with our good friend and recently promoted administrator of 411Mania, Larry Csonka. Larry?

It’s about time you brought this back, Randle.

Hey, I’ve been trying to get this back for weeks. You never return my calls.

Well, quite frankly, with my new position here at 411, I’m now far too important to make appearances in low-budget reports like this one.

Low-budget?

You have one banner, the occasional stolen YouTube, no pictures of hot, half-naked chicks, not even an animated picture of a well-known wrestler dancing. Plus, we only pay you in Canadian dollars. We can run a dozen of your columns for the cost of one of Lansdell’s poorly Photoshopped banners. Why do you think we keep you around?

My winning personality and rapier wit?

That’s a good one. I’ll have to steal it for my next report.

Next report? I thought you were done forever. I was finally happy.

That’s why I said it. For that little moment of fear that I might come back.

But Larry, if you don’t want to do this any more, who will I have conversations with?

Well, you could always use Small.

Small? But he smells!

Yes, yes, we’ve all heard the limerick.

And he loves The Great Khali in ways that are now illegal in California!

Irregardless, next week, you will have a conversation will Small, or I will know the reason why!

I thought I just gave you two. Larry Csonka, ladies and gentlemen. Happy New Year, I’m out of here, Small is in tomorrow, and I’ll be back in 2009.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.