Wrestling’s 4R’s Friday Edition 01.02.09: Raw and ECW on Sci-Fi Reviewed!

REY REY GIVES SHAWN A CHANCE, KNOX DOESN’T RETURN THE FAVOR: As the last Raw of the year began, little Rey Rey was already in the ring. He recaps how he got screwed by Shawn in his match against JBL and even gave us a video recap of it. Rey called Shawn to the ring, telling him that he respects him and knew what he was a good person, and wanted a match with Shawn so he could have a chance to re-earn his spot in the Fatal Four-Way. Shawn accepted…but wait, we’re not done! JBL came out and overrode Shawn’s decision, since all career decisions go through him now. JBL then ordered HBK out of the ring, drawing out Shawn’s Sad Panda face before he headed off; Mountain Man Mike Knox then attacked Rey Rey from behind and JBL prevented Shawn from helping him. Luckily for Rey, Cena is NOT JBL’s employee and thus was able to come down and make the save. Now that I think of it, I think this angle would be far more amusing if Cena was in Shawn’s role. This was a bit long and seemed…not bad, but disjointed. They were trying to string a lot of things along and pack a lot into this segment, and they certainly didn’t fail. Shawn and JBL did their parts well enough, though I’ve noticed that Rey Rey’s speaking style has somehow become more stilted over the past year or so. He used to talk just a bit more naturally. This all moved toward something bigger, and so despite the disjoined feel it gets a spot just on the Right list.

THAT’S AN IMPRESSION?: Cena was backstage with hot Stephanie McMahon, how offered Cena a spot at commentary for the Fatal Four-Way match. Cena proceeded to give several impressions, including what I’m told is a Harry Carey impression; I couldn’t tell, frankly. He bitched about how lame it was going to be and got in an Adamle burn on top of it. He then proposed a match with himself, Rey, and whoever else against Mountain Man Mike and whoever else. Cena was being moderately funny here until he went all joke-emotional, at which point he became funnier. This was Cena doing his Cena thing and setting up the match later; I have no problems with that.

GOLDY’S BEING GOLDY: I know, I know, you all love Goldust. He showed up with a Santa hat on to give a Christmas Rhyme about all the presents the ‘E’s stars were getting. I’ll admit, this was actually moderately funny; something about the phrase “a Boggle for Hornswaggle” made me chuckle. The Cody/Dad reference wasn’t bad, and who couldn’t love the idea of Monopoly for ‘H? The irony is great. He called out Santino, which is apparently the new feud. I’m skeptical of how good that’ll be, but this segment was all sorts of good, so Dustin gets a pass from me this week.

SIM SNUKA vs. SUPERFLY JIMMY HAAS: Snuka was already in the ring as we went into this match, apparently with brand new entrance music. Good for him! His Legacy tryout match was against what is truly Charlie’s best impersonation to date. Forget CBL, forget Santa, forget the Glamahaas. Superfly Jimmy Haas was great, and Charlie was playing it to the max as always. The match itself may not have been great and (like many matches) didn’t get much time, but Haas did a nice job putting over the former Deuce. Helping to make us forget Deuce is no mean feat, and they actually took a step toward that, so I’m okay with it. This totally would have earned a stronger Right if Haas had found a way to keep the wig on, though.

TEN MAN TAG TEAM ACTION: This, coming off the opening segment and the Cena/Steph bit, turned out to be Cena, Rey Rey, Kofi and Cryme Tyme vs. Mountain Man Mike, Hi-I’m-Dolph-Ziggler, Kane and MnM 2.0. The level of personal issues in this match are astounding…most of them revolving around Kane. This was a match that started off a bit slow, but picked up quickly after the commercial break when Kofi played the face-in-peril and gave the Miz a little bit of control; Rey then came in and cleaned house nicely. It was then his turn as the face-in-peril thanks to a nice little shot by Kane while Miz had Rey Rey on his shoulders; all the heels got their moment to shine here. Of course it was hot tag time from here to Cena and all hell broke loose, leading to Cena and Kofi hitting a somersault leg drop/five-finger shuffle combo on Dolph and Mike for a really fun moment. Cena then FU’d Mountain Man Mike so Rey Rey could hit a splash for the pin. This was just a lot of fun and gave Rey some heat back in his feud with Knox while letting everyone put on their best faces to send ’08 off. Great stuff all in all, and I approve.

RANDY ORTON IS A PIMP. THAT IS ALL: Seriously, was there ANY better way to get Orton over as a hated heel than to let us know that he nailed Triple K like we all want to? Apparently, Orton hit it and tossed her aside; I’m pretty sure this officially makes him an uber-pimp, and this was all-around great stuff. Orton was as great as he always is as the utter dick, while Kelly actually showed less of a stilted delivery than usual. Somehow, I see a Kane choke slam in Randy’s future; this could actually lead to something good for Triple K. We’ll have to see.

FATAL FOUR-WAY AWESOMENESS: This brought us to the main event of the night, the Fatal Four-Way for the title shot at the Royal Rumble. I’ll start off by saying it was nice to see the return of JBL’s limo…apparently whatever JBL’s paying Shawn isn’t so much that he’s got to short his entrance any. Joking aside, I liked that touch as it reminds us just how rich Bradshaw is, and thus maybe he can afford Shawn. This started off good and stayed that way throughout the match; we had three great guys in the ring and one…well, three great guys and JBL, and everyone brought their A-game for the match. The crowd was super-into it from start to finish. Of course, the main story here and where all teh dramaz were was in JBL and Shawn, and the bit with them one-upping each other against Jericho was pretty great stuff and yet still kept Shawn consistent with being loyal to his employer. It was interesting to hear Randy getting the cheers while he was in there against JBL, who was better than usual for the record. Try as Orton might, he was no match for the other two, and the booking managed to handle the eliminations really well without burying anyone until the end. This match got a hell of a lot of time and really did a great job of storytelling throughout; kudos to all involved.

Now, the ending would be one you’d expect me to bitch about. No doubt, I’m still not behind this storyline between Shawn and JBL. But as long as I can put that aside, I can admit that this was good storytelling and did a nice job of getting the fans really into the whole thing. Shawn put on his Sad Panda face, and one really wanted him to just give it up and superkick the crap out of JBL here. It didn’t happen of course, but it still kept Shawn somewhat strong as he refused to just lay down; he forced JBL to Clothesline him to Hell for the win. My issues with the storyline aside, this was a good ending to a great match and a really strong way to end the show. I absolutely see Shawn “accidentally” costing his boss the win at the Rumble, then turning on him at No Way Out to head into a WrestleMania match, and if that’s the way they go I’ll give this storyline a thumbs up.

THE LEGACY IS TESTED: Randy Orton was sitting backstage with his protégés Sim, Manu and Cody, and proceeded to talk about how the Legacy would be bigger than the Horsemen, D-X and Evolution. Some high hopes from the Tattoo Killer, eh? The gist of this was that each of them had matches, and they had to win them or they would be out. This segment was what it was, almost too short to even talk much about except to say that Orton was his usual quality self and I’d like to see more talking from the three younger guys in the group. What I wanted to focus on here was the results of the matches. After they punked out and “injured” Batista, the Legacy’s been on a roll—Manu’s losses notwithstanding. It’s looked like maybe the booking team was really behind them. This week was not a good indication of that. Sim and Cody won their matches, albeit Sim against the always-beatable Haas and Cody by count out when Regal interfered; not exactly stunning victories. Of course, Manu lost, which continues his role as the JOB Squatter of the Legacy; does this mean he’s out? Honestly, I doubt it, because one other guy lost his match, and that’s Orton. If Manu points this out next week and keeps his spot, I’m giving the Samoan mad props. However, this week it’s about Legacy and how they stumbled, which is not particularly good. I realize that these new guys can’t just run roughshod over the entire roster, but give them a chance…otherwise, you’re going to remind us all that these are the guys who got bitch-slapped on a regular bases as Priceless in mid-’08.

SIX DIVA BATTLE ROYALE: Well, this had all sorts of opportunity to suck ass. Don’t get me wrong—because based on recent weeks, I’m sure some Diva-loving commenter will take me to task if I don’t say it—I do love the Raw Divas. But the ladies have never given us a particularly pleasant Battle Royale. There’s too many ladies for me to go through individually, so I’ll just say that for this week…Triple K—hot. Melina—UBER-hot. Mickie—a little less hot them usual, but still hot. Candice and Jillian—yeah, still not so much. It was nice to see Katie Lea get an elimination, although I have to feel bad for Candice for getting the jobber elimination at #1. After the typically awkward opening moments, they got KKK and Candice out, then things picked up. Jillian and Katie were quickly knocked out, leaving Melina and Mickie. They had that friendly rivalry thing going on and for their limited time did something not terrible; the ending was pretty nice with the attempt to leapfrog by Mickie into the kick to give Melina the win. Beth then got into the ring and started to brawl before Rosa the Crazy Superfan got involved and saved Beth. I’ll dig on Beth vs. Melina all day, and the stalker stuff is played out but not handled too bad thus far. This loses a lot of points for the match itself, which despite the tolerable ending moments was still rushed and too short, but gains most of them back for the win sequence and the stalker stuff. And, of course, for Santino and Beth’s commentary, which was once again great.

JERICHO: JERK OF THE YEAR: T-Grish was backstage with Chris Jericho and started to ask him a question, but Our Savior cut him off and pointed out how he was the ‘E Magazine’s Jerk of the Year. Jericho pointed out the hypocrisy of the fans and how he was the only one holding to his promises. The gist was, we were the jerks. This was what you’d expect from a Y2J promo, except that it just seemed to be rehashing the same stuff Jericho always says. As a result, we got nothing new and I have to actually put a Jericho promo in puRgatoRy. Sorry Chris, there just wasn’t any point to this one, unless it was to sell more copies of the mag.

CODY RHODES vs. CM PUNK: You know, I had a bad feeling coming into this match. On one hand, it was make it or break it night for the Legacy, which meant Cody could be in for trouble; on the other, CM Punk’s been treading water in the mid-card. They locked it up…and had a pretty meh sort of match. It wasn’t wRong, it was just lacking and wasn’t given enough time. They tried with the time they were given, but this stayed slow throughout and was never able to pick it up. Of course, the second we saw Regal come down to the ring, we knew this was going to end with him interfering. This is the thing that pissed me off about the match; yes, I understand trying to protect Punk and yet wanting to give Cody the win. However, a count out win because Regal was able to distract Punk doesn’t help Cody one iota, and it just makes Punk look fucking stupid. They couldn’t even bother to get Regal physically involved until after the match? This was just a dumb-ass ending to the match and it dragged it into the wrong. I also think that putting Punk and Regal in a match as early as next week is too soon, and they should do more to make it a meaningful feud, but we’ll see how that goes.

MANU vs. MATT HARDY: You know, I was actually surprised when I heard “Manu” chants at during the segment that preceded it. Someone actually likes Manu enough to chant for him? Wow. Really though, this was a pretty shit match. Matt tried, but Manu is just too generic and nothing of significance in the ring; I can’t help but wonder if they’re burying Manu specifically because they’ve realized he’s not ready to hang with the rest of the Legacy. Manu’s got the attitude down, but the look and the sharpness in the ring just aren’t there, and as much as Matt tried this was just a bad piece of business. Not much else to say here.

DID YOU KNOW?: Okay, seriously, quit it already.

COMMENT TIME WITH JEREMY!

From Guest #2120:
“However, if you think the bikini contests are over, I submit to you that you’re full of shit. Look at Survivor Series. While there were Raw ladies in that too, the fact is that they’ve stacked the Raw roster with the more talented wrestlers and left the SD division to die in mediocrity, and that’s an undeniable fact.”

Raw hasn’t been doing much of anything with most of their women in the last few months. Smackdown has regularly been giving their women more time to wrestle than the Raw women and more storylines as Beth has barely done anything with the women’s title in the last four months while McCool worked with three different opponents for the Divas title. I’m more interested in what they’ve been doing with the Smackdown divas than Raw’s.

Actually, the last modeling contest was at Cyber Sunday (I called it Survivor Series but I was a pay-per-view off), which was two months ago. So I guess that does qualify for what you’re saying in the plural months as opposed to singular. Still, not the length of time I think you were implying. No, it wasn’t bikinis, but tell me that this picture is intended to be about taking women’s wrestling seriously:

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to post that pic though. As for your statement that they’ve all been “straight wrestling matches” since WrestleMania, let’s see…

That was all just off the top of my head, all after WrestleMania. And while I’m just counting matches here, let’s be honest. Everything about the Divas is about sex appeal. Why do they put those stars and dice on poles? Because we all love seeing those ladies stretch their bodies out to reach for it. I’m not saying that the SD crew is completely talentless, and I never even implied such. Simply that the Divas are the sex appeal brand of the women’s division and as such, they should look appropriately good doing it until their in-ring skills match up. Thanks for reading!

My Name IS Kizarny:
KIZARNY fuckin ROCKS !!!!!

All in all he is far far far more exciting than all the lame, bland new wrestlers a la Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder of this world

Yes, he’s got a distinctive personality, I’ll give you that. He may well have a great finisher…my point is that with all these shitty vignettes, we haven’t SEEN it yet. He doesn’t remind me of Edge in the slightest, and I don’t think his friendship with Edge will go anywhere, at least not for a while, because he’s not the sort of gimmick that works in well with Rated-R; far too one-note. That would be the equivalent of them throwing Vansen at Taker right off the bat, and…well, that didn’t happen. As for his talking skills, I won’t give him an inch of credit until he stizops wizith thize stuizupid shizit. How the hell is he gonna cut a legibly promo during a feud with that crap? Anyway, I want to see him in the ring. Hopefully we’ll not be disappointed with all the build-up.

From HBK fan:
There is no one on this planet worse than Maryse.

I hate her with a passion.

Wow, really? You’re pretty fucked up, dude, and may want to check into a shrink if you wish major injuries on people you see on television. Thanks for reading!

From Christy:
Larry, stop PMS-ing when your readers make sense. Mistakes in roster selection cannot be directly attributed to having future bikini contests. Maybe straight up bad wrestling matches, but not what you mentioned.

Just thought you should know that you are getting close to being the McMahon of IWC.

Actually, I’M becoming the McMahon of the IWC, thank you very much, because I posted it. Somehow, I’m going to guess that suddenly you aren’t blindly considering it “idiocy.” Either that or I’ve finally gotten enough of Larry’s heat to be a heel all on my own, as you clearly didn’t read the various back-and-forths that have gotten us to this point. I never said that bikini matches were attributable to anything. But hey, if blind hate works for you, then go with it…just keep on clickin’. Thanks!

From 17:
McCool vs Maryse in the right! WTF! That match featured a woman who can’t wrestle beating a woman who can barely wrestle for a title. That’s right, the WWE had a title contested between two of the worst women on their entire roster. The only place this shit belongs is in the ridiculous column.

Two of the worst women on their entire roster? 17, I’d like to introduce you to the “Best of Kelly Kelly and Layla” DVD. Tell me when you’re ready to gouge your eyes out and take it all back. Maryse isn’t great, but she’s improving and is far better than half of the women on the roster currently, especially in regards to the weak-ass Butterfly division. Hey, I’d have rather seen Victoria or Natalya too, but what are you gonna do?

From Freakzilla:
I was at a live event and say Kizary wrestle.

The man sucks! Horribly! he was wrestling like Kelly Kelly back in her ECW days! he had a cool finisher DDT into a roll up, but other than that he was horrible!

Freakzilla vs. My Name Is Kizarney in a Kizarney on a Pole match at the next TNA Pay-Per-View! Book it, Russo!

And an email from Dacinder:
First off I gotta say this is a long comment, but I really wanted to show you my side of the HBK/JBL storyline. I hope you take the time to read it, i’ve been really thinking about it. Second I want to say I truly respect your opinion on matches and storyline. But hear me out on the HBK/JBL storyline. Now in my most humble of opinions, I think what makes a storyline is not one with just great acting and great storytelling in the matches, but one where you don’t know what will happen next. Now Jericho/HBK was a great feud, don’t get me wrong. But you knew shawn was going to do 3 things. Build Jericho heel status up, win a mid feud match, and ultimately job to jericho at the end. It’s like a wash, spin, repeat storyline with Michaels in a sense. He did that for Batista, and Orton, and Cena, and HHH and so on. In a sense you know what’s going to happen each week, shawn gets mad, shawn hits chin music, opponent retaliates, shawn takes it personal, gets even more pissed, shawn wins a few, shawn eventually loses the feud.

Now, this is what makes HBK/JBL feud so damn good now. You don’t know what’s going to happen week in week out. You ask yourself this question every week: When is shawn going to drop JBL with the music? How much will shawn take? How far will he go with his loyalty with JBL? Granted the feud started off slow and really didn’t make sense. But since the E’ explained other details like why shawn won’t borrow money from friends. It’s gotten a lot better. A good example of why this fued can be really good is 12/29 raw. I MEAN HOW GREAT WAS THAT!? The final 5 minutes of that match with JBL and HBK was better than the match. JBL looking down at the mat, pointing at it for shawn to get on the ground, HBK hesitating, the audience on their feet really into it, chanting “HBK!” and “JBL SUCKS!”. Several times I thought HBK was going to hit the music. Even at the end when shawn closed his eyes and told JBL to hit him instead of just taking the pin, I thought JBL was gonna go for the Clothesline from hell, come off the rope and get hit with Sweet Chin Music. Simply… Awesome. You didn’t know how that would swing at any given moment till the end. The crowd was emotionally in it because you saw them throwing their drinks in the ring at the end. When’s the last time that happen in this recent era of wrestling with all the smarks around? Now comes the Element of how this will play with Cena at the Rumble. This is Great storytelling in my most HUMBLE of opinions. What Do you think JT? Please respond in your comment section on the R’s or email me.

Well, obviously I’m responding, and thanks for the email Dacinder. You make a great point in that this feud is very different than the standard “Shawn Michaels vs. X” feud that we’ve seen over the years. It’s true that we don’t know what’s going to happen next, and that does make for some very intriguing television…to a degree. Honestly, I had a pretty good idea he’d be forced to help JBL win a match ot two, but still, it’s gone in directions one wouldn’t necessarily expect, and I applaud them for that.

My big problems with the feud are myriad and have been discussed at length; while it is great storytelling in a certain aspect, I think it’s trying too hard to be topical–both with the current economic state and with The Wrestler hitting theaters, and whether Vince likes the movie or not, it’s obviously not stopping him from utilizing it to a degree even as he mocks it on WWE.com. I also think that it’s giving Shawn an excuse to go into Sad Panda face too much, and the logistical aspects of it just don’t work out; how much can JBL really pay Shawn that it’s worth all this? More than Shawn’s current contract and enough to make up for life savings being flushed down the toilet? I doubt it. There have been individual aspects of this that I’ve appreciated, and as I said in this weeks Wrestling’s Top 5 column I could see where this is going in a good way, but that could well be fantasy booking on my part. If this angle turns around as it might just be starting to do, I’ll be the first to jump on board as I’m a huge fan of HBK. We’ll have to see where it goes; thanks for reading, and for the email!

By: Larry Csonka

ECW 12.30.08:

Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope your 2009 kicks ass!

Paul Burchill w/Katie Lea vs. DJ Gabriel w/Alicia Fox: In what may seem very odd, I think that I enjoyed this the most of anything on the show, and for some good reasons. First of all Katie Lea and Paul Burchill have been moved to the ECW brand. I like this because Paul Burchill was completely lost on Raw, outside of his status as a job guy, and was going nowhere fast. While on the surface Katie may suffer, with Raw and ECW working together, she will still be able to be a viable part of the Women’s Division, if and when they choose to use her. Gabriel and Fox are a fun duo, but they need something to do, and with Burchill coming to ECW, it solves two problems, as now both men have something to do. While the crowd response to the match wasn’t what the company wanted, it is their fault as they have done nothing to make anyone care about Burchill and Gabriel is still new. They had a fine little match here, and Paul Burchill actually got to work a competitive match, which is a change for him. As I said, a good match and the finish was perfect, because Gabriel got the win, but didn’t win decisively. This leaves the door open for a rematch or possible mixed tag in the coming weeks. This gives all four something to do, if the properly follow up, so for this week, this gets the right treatment.

The Dirt Sheet: ECW kicked off with the DIRT SHEET this week, and when it was all said and done, it was a good/bad situation. The good was that it was the DIRT SHEET, and Miz and Morrison got to do what they do best, be themselves and be wacky. They put themselves over as the greatest team of the 21st century and followed that up by saying that The Dirt Sheet was the best talk show of 2008. From there wackiness ensued as Miz discussed adding one of his hats to the Smithsonian, while Morrison wanted to work on his 11th and 12th abs coming to life. These are great men. From there they discussed the goals of other WWE stars, “Evan Bourne will move out of his mom’s basement. John Cena will taking acting lessons so his next movie doesn’t suck. Batista will wear a helmet to the ring so he doesn’t get another concussion. Finlay will stop wearing tighty whities so that his next kid isn’t a midget”. This brought out Finlay and the midget, who screamed on the mic, they played chase, the Boogeyman appeared, and then he did his Boogeyman dance. This was all leading to a match with The Boogeyman and Finlay, and of course midget shenanigans. That is what I didn’t like. They should be concerned with getting viable challengers for the Miz and Morrison, which this didn’t do. Also, what the hell are they doing with Finlay? The man beats Mark Henry, CLEAN, on PPV, and they continue to do jack and shit with him. It is rather simple; you either place him into a title program with Hardy, or in a program with SWAGGA, who claims to be the #2 contender for the title. Instead, they continue to waste him and show no direction when it comes to him. That’s a shame.

Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry: Part 674: You know it’s funny, Mark Henry and Matt Hardy have actually developed a chemistry, and now work very well together. Anyway, for NO reason, we had yet ANOTHER Mark Henry vs. Matt Hardy match this week. They worked hard, got about 7½ minutes to do their thing, and it was fine. Jack SWAGGA would come down to the ring, dropped Hardy like a bad habit with the DOCTOR BOMB and stood tall. So the match was good, the finish is ok, but I had some issues. If they are going forward with Hardy vs. SWAGGA, then just let Hardy win. He’s the champion and should look strong. This finish had Henry standing there with his thumb up his ass. Do the attack, but do it after a hard fought victory by Hardy, so that SWAGGA looks even more like a douche. And finally, I am sick and tired of both Hardy vs. Henry and Henry vs. Finlay. Can we PLEASE freshen things up?

Non Title, No Disqualification Match: Finlay and The Boogeyman vs. John Morrison and The Miz: And now we come to the main event of the evening, and well, this was not good. It was supposed to be a “No Disqualification Match,” and in reality, it was a 3 on 2-handicap match. I don’t know about you, but besides the illegal midget, I don’t see what was so “No Disqualification” about this match. Also, when a match is billed as a “No Disqualification Match,” I expect, well, some more rule breaking. Weapons and such, but we got none of this, it was a glorified handicap match. The other thing is this; it wasn’t very good. I was bored. Boogeyman is still the Boogeyman, which is not a good thing, and I just feel that this did not deliver at all. I won’t say that they didn’t work hard, because I am sure it did, but this didn’t interest me at all. We’ll chalk this up to a fail this week, which is pretty rare for ECW. I was disappointed.

Nothing

And I’m out of here!