411’s TNA Slammiversary Report VIII 06.13.10

And our second host…the epitome of wrestling surprises…

Ready to rock?

We open with a montage of events in the past year.

Kurt Angle vs. Kaz

Wow, Angle opens. Good choice though, this should be one heck of an action-packed little humdinger. I don’t know what mood I’m in tonight, I guess we’ll know by the end of this match. Kaz is channelling Razor Ramon tonight.

Headlock takedown by Angle. Kaz gets up but is knocked down by a shoulder, he gets a pair of arm drags to follow up and we have a stand off. Angle is channelling Randy Couture. Kaz flips out of an arm wringer but Angle tries for a kimmura then gets a leg sweep. Kaz up into a headlock. Whip to the corner and a shoulder charge, Angle tries it again but runs into the turnbuckle. Missile dropkick from Kaz. GERMAN! Another! KICK TO THE NUTS by Kaz! Ref, who is in classic sky blue shirt with black bow tie, doesn’t see it. Wait, yes he did but Angle begged him not to DQ Kaz. Kaz thanks him by pounding his face in and throwing him to the floor, then hitting a somersault senton over the top to the floor. He throws Angle back in and gets a slingshot legdrop for 2. Impact Zone is heavily in favour of Angle. Maybe cos he’s awesome? I dunno. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Angle but the momentum doesn’t last as he is whipped in to the corner and levelled with a clothesline. Front facelock by Kaz. Angle battles out, ducks a right, RELEASE German! They exchange blows mid-ring and Angle ales control with a series of clotheslines and a baaaaaack body drop! Angle charges into a boot, Kaz charges into a release belly to belly. 1…2…no! I think I’d prefer the boot. Angle Slam, Kaz escapes out the back, floats over and hits the neckbreaker for 2. POWERBOMB by Angle out of nowhere! 1…2…Ankle Lock! Kaz rolls through! 1…no. Dropkick by Kaz ends the exchange and slows the pace down. Kaz is going to the top…ANGLE runs up the ropes! Top rope belly to belly! 1…2…2.7!! Love that move. Angle measures for the Angle Slam…Kaz escapes!! Angle rolls through, picks the ankle but Kaz escapes! Slingshot DDT by Kaz!!! 1…2…no! Kaz tries for the Jig n Tonic…Angle escapes! GERMAN! Zwei! Drei! Vier!

Vier Deutschlanderplexen! Ah Ah Ah!

Angle Slam…countered! Jig N Tonic!!!! 1…2…2.8998!!!!!!! Damn, that shit looked nasty. Angle tries the tilt-a-whirl again, Kaz counters with a HUGE lariat! Kaz lines up a springboard…into a boot! ANGLE SLAM! 1…2…NO!!! Angle goes up for the moonsault…Kaz catches him! Powerbomb! Feet on the ropes! 1…2…NO!!!! Kaz is measuring him again…Jig n Tonic COUNTERED! Ankle Lock! Angle drops and grapevines the leg…Kaz taps like a bitch!

Winner:Kurt Angle via submission (Ankle lock)
Rating: **** Awesome. Great start to a PPV, probably impossible to follow given the rest of the card, but great fun. A little lacking in selling and a bit spotty to do better.

Tenay and Taz run down the card.

TNA X-Division Title Match: Douglas Williams © vs. Brian Kendrick

Kendrick is out first to no reaction. Williams had better give me a Chaos Theory, and that’s all I got to say about that.

Williams starts with an armbar, Kendrick reverses and Williams runs to the ropes. He is a great man, that Douglas Williams. They hold hands and get on their knees and…this is uncomfortable. Go-behind and a waistlock takedown by Williams, floating over into a facelock. Kendrick escapes and elbows Williams in the back of the head, then charges into a knee. Leg lace into a roll by Williams, Kendrick then applies a lace of his own before Williams kicks him to the floor. Outside Kendrick charges at Williams, who moves. Kendrick hits the barricade. He is a great man, that Douglas Williams. Beatdown on the floor by Williams, he throws Kendrick in and locks in a double overhead nostril. Kendrick tries to come back with a crossbody but Williams catches him and gets a Samoan Drop. He’s not even Samoan! 1…2…no. Bow and arrow applied by Williams, Kendrick rolls into a lateral press for 2. Williams is displeased and kicks Kendrick to the floor. He is a great man, that Douglas Williams. Back in the ring Williams has applied a cravate. Williams drops Kendrick over the top rope gut first, Kendrick avoids the charge then hits a tope to the floor! Back inside, Kendrick from the top…missile dropkick! 1…2…no! SHINING-UH WIZARD! 1…2…no! Single-leg dropkick by Kendrick gets 2 more. Williams gets a headbutt to the gut of Kendrick, then a stiff lariat. They work a series of rollups for 2. Running knee in the corner by Williams, vertical suplex floated over into a gutwrench suplex. T-BONE SUPLEX! 1…2…no. CHAOS THE-countered by biting the forearm! Kendrick puts Williams on the second rope…Williams pushes him off! Tornado DDT! 1…2…3! BOOOOOO No Chaos Theory.

Winner: Douglas Williams via pinfall (Tornado DDT)
Rating: ***½ Quality bout, not quite as good as the previous one but a strong 1-2 punch to open the show.

Christy Hemme is with Eric Bischoff and Miss Titsmacker. Bischoff talks about Sting and RVD.

TNA Knockouts Title Match: Madison Rayne © vs. Roxxi

Roxxi is in red and gold tonight, meaning she wins. Madison is out solo, which saddens Lansdell. Needs the other two powers of DAT AZZ. Madison is on the mic and wants to know why the Beautiful People have dominated the Knockouts division while Roxxi has popped in and out of TNA. This time, she popped in and was handed a title shot. She heels it to the crowd and says she’s putting everything on the line, but Roxxi is putting up nothing. She suggests that Roxxi do what Tara did and put her career on the line. Roxxi is not happy with that idea, but of course Madison taunts her into doing it anyway. Before Roxxi finishes accepting the stip Madison pops her with the mic. Bell rings, 1…2..NO! Roxxi is bleeding. STOP THE MATCH! Roxxi is pissed now and hits a big clothesline and an elbow for 2. Wow, Roxxi is MESSED UP. Madison sends her to the floor, Roxxi comes back to the apron and rams Madison’s head into the buckle. Roxxi to the second rope, she gets cut off by Madison. Clothesline gets 2. Armbar by Madison. Roxxi fights out, ducks under one kick, catches a second and hits an enziguiri. Whip and a charging back elbow by Roxxi, sitout spinebuster!! 1…2…NO! Madison reverses and tries the modified Playmaker…COUNTERED! BARBIE CRUSHER!!!! Madison rolls to the floor, giving her time to recover. Back inside, Madison counters into a modified lungblower! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Madison Rayne via pinfall (modified lungblower)
Rating: ** Short but they worked hard and that was a nasty cut. Unexpected finish too.

Video montage for Brother Ray vs Jesse Neal.

Jesse Neal vs. Brother Ray

ZOMG GRUDGE MATCH!!ONE!!~!Eleventy! Seriously, Jesse Neal should take a page out of E. Honda’s book and use the torpedo headbutt as a finisher. Multiple puncture wounds for the win. Brother Ray has a mic and calls for Devon, who comes strolling down the ramp. That brings Shannon Moore charging to the ring just in case. Ray says he owes everyone in the ring an apology. What, even the ref? Orlando wants tables. Ray admits to being a douchebag, prompting a chant from Orlando. Ray puts Jesse over and says the fans really love him. He keeps apologising, Shannon leaves and Ray hugs Jesse. Everyone leaves the ring and as they are going up the ramp Ray turns around and clocks Neal. He LAUNCHES him back into the ring and hits a HUGE boot. Devon is PISSED. Elbow drop by Ray, he continues the beating and lays in a pair of STIFF slaps the chest. More beatings from Ray. Ray hangs Neal in the Tree of Joey Lawrence and slaps the shit out of him. He drops Neal out of the Tree head first, rips of Neal’s dog tag and lays in more slaps. MY chest is hurting from them. Neal fights back and gets a clothesline, a second and a whip. Crossbody from the second and a belly to belly by Neal! Where is THIS coming from? 1…2…no! Ray counters a shot…BUBBA BOMB! Another huge slap. TOMMY DREAMER! In the crowd! Posing! The crowd goes nuts. Ray is distracted, Neal charges for the spear…BOOT! Bubba to the second rope…MISSES! SPPEAR! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Jesse Neal via pinfall (Spear)
Rating: ** Did what it needed to do, was inoffensive and told the right story.

Christy Hemme is with Hernandez. Standard promo leading to the hype video.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

Morgan is out in jeans with a neck brace on. He gets on the mic and, just to surprise us, says he can’t wrestle. This is the surprise Dixie mentioned! He blames the beatdown Hernandez laid on him on Impact for his inability to wrestle. Morgan produces a doctor’s note saying he can’t go, and gives it to the ref. He apologises to his fans and leaves…Hernandez is out! He throws Morgan into the ring, the ref calls for the bell and away we go! Hernandez chokes Morgan with his shirt! ZOMG I hope Mattel isn’t watching!!! Shoulders in the corner by Hernandez, he stands on Morgan’s throat and the ref breaks them up. Hernandez puts the ref on the top turnbuckle then turns around to administer further beatings. Morgan begs off but of course is suckering Hernandez in and throws him to the floor. Roaring lariat on the floor, he rolls Hernandez back in then rams him shoulder-first to the turnbuckle. Back to the floor goes Hernandez. He rolls back in at 8 only to be met by a vicious stomping. Alternating back elbows in the corner by Morgan, I love that spot. Avalanche into a side slam gets 2. Morgan toys with Hernandez, who reverses a whip and gets an avalanche and a clothesline. BIG shoulder block by the big Mexican. Another shirt choke by Hernandez. The ref tells him off, so Hernandez tosses him across the ring. DQ!

Winner: Matt Morgan via disqualification (ref punt)
Rating: *3/4 Didn’t do it for me. Even the beatdown wasn’t satisfying.

Morgan tries to escape but Hernandez catches him and beats him down. He sets up Morgan against the post as Morgan did to him. Hernandez goes for the boot..REF GETS IN THE WAY! Hernandez CREAMS him! Hernandez flees to the back as refs come out to check on their fallen comrade.

Christy Hemme gets Hulk Hogan’s opinion on the title match.

Monster’s Ball: Desmond Wolfe vs. Abyss

Wolfe is out with Chelsea. 30 days are up already? Abyss comes down with a cart of plunder and starts throwing it into the ring.

We start off quick as Abyss ducks his head and gets booted, but gains control quickly. Abyss has a chair but Wolfe kicks it into the face of the Monster. Wolfe sets the chair in one corner, crabs a kendo stick and tattoos Abyss with it. Abyss reverses a whip into the chair, Wolfe tries the up and over but gets caught and side slammed for two. Abyss has a barbed wire board! Remember when he fought Sabu and was supposedly afraid of barbed wire? Wolfe catches Abyss as he is setting up the board, he tries to whip him into the chair but Abyss puts on the brakes and sends a charging Wolfe head-first into the chair. Abyss fetches two trash cans, chucks one in the ring but gets caught with a low blow as he straddles the middle rope. Trash can shot to the head! A second! Wolfe looks in the second trash can and finds…a teddy bear wrapped in barbed wire. What the FUCK? Wolfe holds it up but Abyss hits the avalanche in the corner, crushing the barbed bear into Wolfe! Abyss presents the bear to Chelsea then gets his sack o’ tacks…wait! No, it’s the bag o’ glass! When you hear the glass, it’s yo’ ass! YOU! Wolfe says he didn’t sign up for this and flees, using Chelsea as a shield. He has the kendo stick…WHAM! He takes Abyss up the ramp onto the announce position and goes for a home run swing with the kendo…GOOZLE! Chokeslam! Wolfe hit hard and is now spasming. Abyss drags Wolfe back to the ring and covers! 1…2…no! Abyss gets the board and lays it in the ring, then puts Wolfe up top for a superplex onto the board…Wolfe blocks…SUNSET BOMB INTO THE BARBED WIRE!!! He nailed that perfectly! 1…2…no! Abyss has multiple puncture wounds. Kendo stick shots to the head by Wolfe now, he misses the big swing SHOCK TREATMENT! 1…2…Wolfe gets a shoulder up. Goozle! Wolfe gets out, twists the arm and hits a BIG knee to the head. He gets the kendo stick…MOTHER OF GOD he nailed that. 1…2…no!! Wolfe goes to Chelsea and grabs her purse, looking for brass knuckles…the purse is empty! He yells at Chelsea for the knuckles, and she removes them from her bra…and throws them to Abyss! WHAM! Right hand…Black Hole Slam! 1…2…3!!

Winner Abyss via pinfall (Black Hole Slam)
Rating: *** I enjoyed the match, but I hate the force-feeding of Abyss down our throats.

Christy is now with RVD. Once again, standard promo.

Video package for AJ-Lethal.

AJ Styles vs. Jay Lethal

Flair looks unhappy. Lethal looks nervous. Styles looks pissed.

Lockup leads to a stalemate, AJ backs Lethal to the corner and hits a stiff chop to which Lethal responds with a slap. AJ bails to realign his jaw. Back inside, AJ gets a headlock takedown but is quickly countered into a headscissors by Lethal. They work a series of counters which Lethal wins with a hiptoss and basement dropkick combo. Snap suplex by Lethal gets 1. Chop by Lethal and a backbreaker gets 2. headscissos by Lethal, AJ goes to the floor but he rolls back in before Lethal can hit a leap to the floor. AJ catches Lethal coming in and tries to kick him from the apron, Lethal catches his foot and yanks AJ down hard. Back inside, AJ gets a choke then misses a chop, Lethal chops him and whips him in. AJ avoids the charge and crotches Lethal on the top rope. They exchange chops and Styles kicks him in the face for 2. High knee drop gets 2 more. Lethal drives AJ to the corner and lays in the shoulders, then hits a pair of open-hand shots. Leg lariat by Lethal gets 2. Out of nowhere AJ gets a backdrop driver. He throws Lethal to the floor where Flair chokes him with his jacket. Chop by Styles, he rolls Lethal back in and gets a 2 count. Chinlock applied by AJ, Lethal tries to get out but AJ elbows him in the back of the head. Lethal ducks under a shot, springboard back elbow! AJ goes for a fron facelock, Lethal counters. Again. A third time, and Lethal hits an inverted atomic. AJ charges into a boot, Lethal from the second rope…flying spin kick! Moonsault press from the second! 1…2…NO! Byers just marked. Whip and a corner dropkick by Lethal…Lethal Combination!!! 1…2…NO! Lethal sets for a slingshot…AJ catches him! Neckbreaker over the knee!! 1…2…no! Lethal hits a quick move, cover! 1..2…NO!!!! Damn that was close. AJ gets a double-leg takedown, FIGURE FOUR! Lethal makes the ropes. BRAINBUSTER by AJ! 1…2…2.8! AJ sets for the Styles Clash…Lethal rolls through! DRAGON FUCKING SUPLEX!!! 1…2…Flair puts AJ’s leg on the ropes! Lethal stares down Flair and locks in the figure four! AJ fights and makes the ropes. Backbreaker by Lethal, he goes up top…Elbow drop misses! PELE! Styles tries to go up top but is selling the leg and can’t get up there. AJ goes up for a springboard twisting senton….Lethal catches him! Northern Lights, bridged! 1…2…3!!!

Winner: Jay Lethal via pinfall (twisting senton countered to Northern Lights bridge)
Rating: ***½ Another strong match, the finish looked to be a little botched but it still came off well. Too spotty though, which makes it fun to watch but in the end, not as good as it could have been.

Sting is backstage and blatantly rips off Heath Ledger’s Joker with the “Some men want to rule the world” line.

Video package for Beer Money vs. Hardy and Anderson. Christy is with the faces, who christen themselves the Enigmatic Assholes after rejecting other possible names, including Creatures of the Asshole. How tawdry.

Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson vs. Beer Money

Boozer cruiser!! Anderson lets the fans finish his intro for him, and it is awesome.

Anderson and Roode to start. Roode gets a front facelock, Anderson escapes and tags in Jeff. Jeff and Roode lock up, Roode grabs a headlock then takes Hardy down with a shoulder. Tag to Storm, they hit an inverted atomic into Russian leg sweep combo. Boot to the gut by Hardy, he tags in Anderson and they hit a double back elbow. Somersault leg drop-fist drop combo to Storm. Anderson and Storm trade blows, Anderson goes to hit the ropes but Roode low-bridges him and Anderson crashes and burns. Roode rolls Anderson in and Storm gets a 2 count. Tag to Roode and they make a wish on Anderson’s legs. Knee drop by Roode gets 2 more. Tag to Storm, he whips Anderson in and hits an enziguiri but then eats a clothesline. Tag to Hardy and to Roode! Hardy has clotheslines for all! Gourdbuster to Roode, pin is broken by Storm. Storm throws Anderson to the floor, Roode catches a Hardy boot and sweeps the leg. Roode with the catapult into a DDT by Storm! Shades of the Minnesota Wrecking Crew! Storm sets for the superkick but Anderson drags him to the floor! Jeff hits a Stunner on Roode…goes to the top…SWANTON! 1…2…Storm pulls the ref to the floor! The ref figures it was Anderson, which makes no sense. Storm tags in but Hardy reverses a whip and hits a corner clothesline and administers a beatdown. Roode comes in and they hit a double-team reverse lungblower on Hardy. Ouch. Storm sets Hardy on the rope Orton-style and DDTs him for 2. Backbreaker by Roode gets 2 more. Tag to Storm, double-team suplex.

BEER!

MONEY~!

Scoop slam by Storm, Hardy gets a quick small package for two before being creamed with a clothesline. Hardy gets his elbow up to meet the charge of Roode! Hardy up top…WHISPER IN THE canvas. Splat. RKO OUT OF NOWHERE on Roode! Tag to Storm, TAG TO ANDERSON! Clothesline! Clothesline! Elbow! Finlay Roll! He is a house! En! FUEGO~! Hardy LEAPS off the back of Anderson to the floor on Storm! DAMN he got height. Anderson goes for the Mic Check, countered! SPINEBUSTER by Roode! Hardy breaks it up but gets caught in the Eye of the Storm! Beer Money sets for the Mic Check…Hardy throws Storm out, then blocks the suplex….MIC CHECK to Roode!! 1…2…3!

Winners: The Enigmatic Assholes via pinfall (Anderson on Roode, Mic Check)
Rating: *** Another quality match, a bit hectic at times and too much beatdown on Hardy, but otherwise this PPV remains strong.

Awesome visual right after the pinfall as Anderson got busted open above his left eye, and he had a real Kano from Mortal Kombat vibe going on.

Video package for the main event.

TNA World Title Match: RVD © vs. Sting

Sting is out first. He’s put his bat carefully in a corner, I wonder if it plays in the decision. Considering we haven’t had a title change, I fear for this match. RVD’s tights are modelled after the Iron Man suit. Super special ring announcing time.

Sting backs RVD to a corner and kicks him in the gut. They go to the floor right away and Sting takes RVD to the rail. Oh good, they go into the crowd. RVD comes back with a big spin kick sending Sting into a retaining wall, then whips him into it 5 times. RVD lays Sting across the rail, goes to the apron and leg drops Sting! Sting fights back and sends RVD back into the crowd and whips him into the wall, then does it again. Sting throws RVD back into the ring and hits a Stinger splash. A second one connects! 1…2…no! RVD ducks under a clothesline and connects with a kick to regain control. Front slam, split-leg moonsault! 1..2…no! He goes for the 10-spot punches, Sting tries to counter but eats another kick. RVD goes for a top rope crossbody…Sting moves, RVD wipes out the ref! Sting has the bat now and beats the tar out of RVD with it. He goes after the legs…JEFF JARRETT!! He takes the bat from Sting and NAILS him with it twice! Rolling Thunder by Van Dam! 1…2…NO!!! RVD charges for a monkey flip, Sting moves! Stinger splash…MISSES! Kick from RVD, he goes up top…Five Star Frog Splash! 1…2…3!