wrestling / TV Reports
The Royal Rumble 2011 Breakdown
| Royal Rumble 2011 by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 Striker’s opinion of Vickie this PPV: he’s making fun of her. Let’s see how long that sticks. Vickie tries to lead the crowd in a “spear” chant just to reinforce that it’s been banned. That was incredibly obnoxious. I like it. Edge pounds on Ziggler to start. Cole sticks up for Vickie and asks a question which is met with dead silence. Striker and Lawler aren’t the best color men in the business for nothing. Edge works the ribs but gets caught entering the ring. Edge rolls through a sunset flip and catapults Dolph into the corner for two. Dolph zeroes in on Edge’s oft-injured neck. His neckbreaker is practically a reverse RKO. Nice. Dolph knocks Edge off the apron into the barricade. You know what would be cool? If someone was in the Rumble, got knocked off the apron, clung to the barricade, walked along it and jumped back to the steps to avoid elimination. I know. I know. It’s ludicrous to even suggest such a thing. Back in the ring, Edge and Dolph collide on crossbody attempts. I notice Daniel Bryan and Ziggler have both brought back that spot, and I like it. Ziggie charges right into a flapjack. The half-nelson facebuster gets two. Don’t remember if that had an Edgy name. Awesome counter to the Ziggledropper as Edge just slips his neck out and turns it into a powerbomb. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Edge fights out of a superplex and hits a crossbody. No! Ziggler rolls through! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Edge blocks the Zig Zag by grabbing onto the ropes and locks in the Edgecator (inverted Sharpshooter). Ziggler avoids a charge against the ropes and hits the Ziggledropper. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! That was close. Edge blocks a charge with a boot and sets up for the spear. He should just argue that it’s the gore. Instead, he hits the Edgecution (Impaler DDT). ONE, TWO, TH-Vickie grabs the ref and slaps Edge. Ziggler attacks from behind and nearly crashes into Vickie. Edge with the rollup! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Vickie slaps Edge around some more before Kelly Kelly runs down and knocks Vickie silly. Edge is distracted, so Ziggler hits the ZIG ZAG! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! I actually bought into that one. SLEEPER! The ref gets bumped as Edge tries to get out of it. Vickie’s out. The ref’s out. Edge takes advantage with a SPEAR! Edge plays dead above the protestations of Michael Cole. Cole laments the Academy Award nominations already being announced because “Edge would be a front-runner.” Yeah, it’s the Linda Fiorentino mess all over again. Colin Firth suddenly ‘wakes up’ along with the ref and hits the Killswitch on Ziggler for the win at 20:45. Highly entertaining opener. Ziggler looked right at home in the main event. Hopefully, they’ll take a chance on him later this year. ***1/4 Most bizarre sign reference I’ve ever seen in wrestling: “Peter Kurten.” Okay, “Who farted?” guy. Ball’s in your court. Orton takes it to the floor and clotheslines Miz down. Back in, Orton catapults Miz into the bottom rope for two. Orton gives Miz nothing until Alex Riley snaps his neck off the top rope to turn the tide. Orton charges, but Riley pulls Miz out of the way. Miz gets two off the Sydal Corner Clothesline. Miz drags Orton across the apron and hits a kneelift. Orton blocks a German Suplex and hits a backdrop. Miz gets two off a boot to the face. Cole says Orton has to change gears. Yeah, he’d be better off just changing vehicles. Spookymilk over at the Blog of Doom sums it up better than I could: “Orton has to frustrate the hell out of the WWE brass. He gets awesome reactions anytime he’s doing something besides having a match, so they have to keep putting him in huge matches. Then he has a match and the crowd goes silent.” Actually, that’s probably a little harsher than I’d put it because Randy has been in some good matches over the last year. Orton gets two off a superplex. Things pick up a bit as Orton hits a stretch backbreaker. To the floor, Miz blocks a piledriver and catapults Randy headfirst into the post. Orton doesn’t even sell that and hits a Thesz Press. If you get this on DVD, watch closely at how many moves Orton absorbs and shrugs off during the match. He’s like a lanky John Cena. Riley distracts Orton yet again, and again Miz takes advantage, this time with the Kobashi neckbreaker into a swinging neckbreaker. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Miz tries to escape with the title, but Orton tosses him back in. The running stomp misses, and Orton rolls him up for two. The rope-assisted DDT sets up the RKO, but the New Nexus comes out to watch. Riley attacks Orton from behind, but Orton throws him onto the Nexus. Big time bump from Riley there. Orton blocks the Skull-Crushing Finale and delivers the RKO, but CM Punk runs in and hits him with the Go2Sleep. Punk drags Miz on top for the pin at 19:48. Despite a bit of a drag in the middle and Orton’s lack of respect for anything Miz did, this turned out okay. Again, Miz looked right at home in the main event, and I’m kind of hoping they just let him carry the title all the way to WrestleMania. *** The anonymous Raw general manager changes the match from a handicap match to a four-way featuring a surprise entrant… Eve. Meh. LayCool hits Eve with a double Stroke. Natalya jumps them from behind and covers Layla. Michelle pulls her to safety, though. LayCool clears the ring and goes toe-to-toe. HERE COMES THE AXE! HERE COMES THE SMASHER! THE DEMOLITION… well, maybe not. The babyfaces jump back in to prevent the unthinkable from happening. Natalya has the ovaries to bust out a Sharpshooter on Eve and Layla at the same time. Michelle breaks it up. Sign in the crowd: “Black ref.” Hey, he *is* black! Michelle accidentally boots Layla in the grill. Eve moonsaults Layla as Michelle rolls up Natalya, but the ref only sees Eve’s cover. One, two, three. New champ at 5:12. Natalya’s Sharpshooter was way cool… erm, so to speak, and the ending was interesting. Better than your average Diva match. ** 40 guys this year. Or, as the voiceover guy says “40 elite superstars.” I think once you hit 40 guys deep, elite is distant in the rearview mirror. CM Punk is #1. The Corre attacks, triggering a pre-match brawl between the Nexus and the Corre. The anonymous GM, via Cole, tells them all (besides Punk) to go back to the locker room. Big “CM Punk” chant. Daniel Bryan is #2. Despite being big Ring of Honor golden boys, these guys rarely crossed paths. They did have a feud in Full Impact Pro. Dueling chants from the Boston crowd. Bryan hits a flying kick and then a missile dropkick. His corner dropkick misses, though. Justin Gabriel is #3. He goes after Punk, of course. Besides Barrett, Gabriel is the one Nexus member who, I think, has a great future. He misses the 450-splash and gets tossed by Bryan. Zack Ryder is #4. Fist pump! He stomps down both guys. Striker says Ryder is wearing the Nasty Boys’ old trunks. If I ever saw Knobbs or Sags wearing short trunks, I think I’d blow my brains out. Bryan tosses Ryder into a legline on Punk and then hiptosses Ryder out. William Regal is #5. The disdain is palpable! He knocks Punk out with a running knee. Regal and Bryan trade uppercuts until Punk knocks Regal silly with a roundhouse kick. Bryan thanks him with a roundhouse kick of his own and then buzzsaw kicks Regal. Ted Dibiase is #6. Man, did Maryse ever trade down after turning down the Miz’s proposal. To his credit, Dibiase comes in fired up, hitting dropkicks on Regal and Bryan and then a vicious clothesline on Punk. Bryan kicks the crumpets out of Regal and saves Punk from elimination. John Morrison is #7. He slingshots into a kick on Regal. Dropkicks for everyone. The Ki Crusher puts Punk down, and Bryan eats a C4. Morrison gets knocked to the apron, and then Regal knocks him off. Morrison clings to the barricade and walks his way back to the corner without touching the ground. He leaps back to the steps and reenters the ring. FUCK YO FACE, PETER PARKER! In the meantime, Regal got tossed. Yoshi Tatsu is #8. Things slow down a bit. Husky Harris is #9. Man, he’s fast for a portly guy. He just goes all Terry Gordy on everyone, steamrolling them over. Funny spot as he stands over Punk, protecting him while he rests in the corner, so everyone charges him, knocking him back into Punk. Punk eats a face full of Husky butt. Chavo Guerrero is #10. He goes for the triple verticals on Dibiase, but Punk breaks it up. More suplexes to Morrison. More suplexes to Bryan. Nice pop for Chavo. Mark Henry is #11. Striker asks the question that gets asked every year: “How is anyone going to get him out?!” Well, Faarooq and the Rock could team up to throw him out. Chyna could lightly tap him from behind and send him over the top. He could get knocked out by Booker T is #21! Batista II goes after him. Book fights him off and runs through his signature stuff. SPINAROONIE!!! He nearly tosses Punk, but Ryan saves Punk and tosses Booker. A quick nostalgia injection is okay sometimes. John Cena is #22. He quickly tosses the rest of the Nexus, leaving him alone with Punk. Punk and Cena clothesline each other for a double KO spot. Hornswoggle is #23. Punk kicks him and goes after Cena again. Cena slips out of the fireman’s carry. There goes Punk and most of my interest in the match. Cena and Hornswoggle make an alliance. Tyson Kidd is #24 and has to sell a Hornswoggle satellite headscissor. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Kidd. Hornswoggle adds his own AA. Heath Slater is #25. Yeah, better watch out. Rusty fuckin’ Griswold is here. Cena and Hornswoggle hit stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles, setting up the tadpole splash. It occurs to me that Cena and Hornswoggle might be the diametrically opposed pair to Punk and Bryan. Kofi Kingston is #26, and Hornswoggle doesn’t know what to do because he’s a babyface. Kofi and Cena both look up at the WrestleMania sign as Hornswoggle backs off. Kingston double leapfrogs him and hits a back elbow. Jack Swagger is #27, and we would normally be closing in on the finale, but we still have 12 guys to go! Swagger hits a series of pump splashes before Kofi hits him with the Hornswoggle-assisted Boom Drop. Sheamus is #28. He destroys Kofi and Cena before going nose-to-navel with Hornswoggle. He shoves Hornswoggle down, so Horny tunes up the Irish folk band and hits Sweet Shin Music. Sheamus sets him on top and boots him out with the Brogue kick for his insolence. Rey Mysterio is #29. Headscissors for the heels. Bulldog to Cena. Sheamus ENDS him with a clothesline, though. Sheamus gets hit the mug with Trouble in Paradise. Swagger avoids elimination briefly, but Rey 619s him off the apron to get rid of him. Wade Barrett is #30. Barrett goes after everyone and scoops Kofi up. Rey makes the save, but Barrett hits Cena with the Bossman Slam. Kofi stomps a mudhole in Barrett as Dolph Ziggler comes in at #31. Ziggler and Barrett try to eliminate Cena, but Rey makes the save. Diesel is #32. Big pop for the Dies. He can’t move well, so he doesn’t. Drew McIntyre is #33. He goes after Diesel. Big “Let’s go Diesel!” chant. He just hangs on the ropes, though. Yeah, he’s had a rough night and deserves a rest. Rey hits him with a 619, perhaps in retaliation for that mask match. Alex Riley is #34, triggering a Colegasm. Diesel gets crotched and booted out by Barrett. Miz joins the commentary crew. Big Show is #35, and we get a staredown between Diesel and him. Did we ever get a blowoff for Diesel pulling Show into that Shawn Michaels superkick? Actually, I think it was forgotten the next week. Show tosses Ziggler and McIntyre. Ezekial Jackson is #36. He powers Show out. Barrett and Zeke team up. Santino Marella is #37, surpassing his previous Rumble career combined by surviving more than 27 second. Sheamus boots him in the face, sending him through the ropes to the floor. Alberto Del Rio is #38, and I understand he’s going to be a big deal fairly quick… as in about ten minutes. He doesn’t even get in the ring by the time Randy Orton is called at #39. Orton jumps Del Rio from behind and tosses him into the steps. RKO TO DEL RIO! RKO TO SHEAMUS! RKO TO KOFI! There goes Kofi. There goes Sheamus. He turns around and goes face-to-face with Cena. They try the epic staredown, but crowd has just eaten a giant, three-course helping of “we don’t give a fuck.” Kane is #40. Zeke charges him, and Kane ducks him, sending Jackson to the floor. Kane tries to chokeslam Rey out, but Rey counters to a headscissors to send him out. Rey gets knocked off the apron and eliminated. So Barrett, Cena, Del Rio and Orton are the apparent final four. Cena pairs off with Barrett while Orton stomps Del Rio down. Cena and Orton do another staredown, and this time the crowd has ordered “we don’t give a shit” pie for desert. The heels break up a slugfest and switch off on the babyfaces. Cena hits Del Rio with the AA, but Alex Riley returns (he was eliminated offscreen a while back) to distract Cena. Miz takes the opportunity to run in from the commentary table and toss Cena. The refs were so enamored with Alex Riley’s Axe bodyspray that they assume it was Del Rio who threw Cena out. Del Rio and Barrett team up against Orton, but it’s a foregone conclusion that Orton will overcome the odds, right? WRONG! Orton tosses Barrett, but Del Rio sneaks up from behind and dumps Orton. Del Rio apparently wins at 1:08:41. Oh, but Santino emerges from under the ring having never been eliminated. COBRAAAAAAAA! Santino is so pleased with himself that he forgets to eliminate Del Rio before celebrating. Del Rio reverses his attempt and sends Santino over at 1:09:52. Does some industrious young stat boy want to crunch the numbers on this one because I think that might just be the longest match in WWE history? As usual, the Rumble was incredibly fun to watch with a little bit of everything for everybody. It didn’t need forty guys, but it hardly felt like overkill. I’m in line with most everyone’s thinking that it hit the narrative wall right about the time Cena eliminated Punk. After that it was “pop for the entrance, bored for the match.” I did love the ending sequence as Del Rio pissed the crowd off with the win, then they gave them a little hope with Santino, and then Del Rio robbed the innocents of their souls as he tossed Santino to win officially. I wasn’t sold on Del Rio initially, and he does need to develop a gimmick that’s not half-JBL/half-Guerrero, but after seeing his 2/3 falls match with Rey Mysterio on Smackdown, I’m sold on his abilities. Good stuff this year. **** |
| The 411: Notice how the WWE didn’t divide the PPV into two Rumbles of 20 guys each, thus diluting the concept? They should continue that philosophy for the Elimination Chamber, Hell in a Cell, and Money in the Bank PPVs. Anyway, this was a fine start to the year with two solid title matches and a Rumble that was fun to watch and somewhat unpredictable. I mean, we all knew Del Rio was getting the rocket up his ass, but few could have predicted this was how it would happen.
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