411’s Impact Wrestling Report 10.06.11

Championship Roll Call:
TNA WORLD TITLE: Kurt Angle
TNA TV TITLE: Eric Young
TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Austin Aries
TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE: Winter
TNA TAG TEAM TITLES: Mexican America
TNA KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM TITLES: Tara & Miss Tessmacher

Hi, hello & welcome to 411’s Impact Wrestling Report! I’m Steve Cook, and I hope you’re all having a wonderful evening! I sure am, as after recapping what is sure to be a monumental edition of Impact I’ll be on the 411 on Wrestling with Larry Csonka! It’s an exciting night here at the 411, so let’s get right to the fun & excitement of Impact Wrestling!

We open with a video look at Hulk Hogan announcing his retirement last week. Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff shake hands and head to the arena.

Opening Promo!

James Storm & Bobby Roode make their way to the ring. Storm wants to know if there are any beer drinkers in this place tonight. He says it’s about damn time that Hulk Hogan takes a back seat to the young guys like them that bust their ass every night for the fans. He hopes that Hogan has fun trying to follow their match, because they plan on tearing this sumbitch down in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Roode notes that Storm is the Tennessee Cowboy & welcomes him home. He was taken aback when Kurt Angle booked him in the Fortune Gauntlet. They’re not just friends, they’re family. These matches have been physically & mentally exhausting, and that’s what he needed. If he’s able to beat them at their best, he proves to himself and everybody else that he’s ready for Kurt Angle. He needs James Storm to do the same for him tonight, give him everything that he’s got. He needs to help him get ready for Kurt Angle & give him his best. They’ll tear the sumbitch down because he’s been his partner, his friend & his brother. He’s facing Kurt Angle in 10 days, and the only thing he can think about is tonight’s match and how important it is to them.

Storm says that when he shook Roode’s hand for the first time when they formed Beer Money, that he knew he was shaking the hand of a future World Champion. He knows that Roode thought the same thing. He’ll bring it tonight, and he might be just a little bit better. He knows that Roode is one of the greatest workers in the game today. He’s proven it to everybody, and it’s time for James Storm to do the same thing. Sorry about your damn luck!

Beer Money soaks in the adulation from the crowd. Mutual respect!

Sting walks around backstage, wearing a red suit jacket & a yellow Hulkamania shirt.

We’re looking back at Hulk Hogan’s top moments in Impact Wrestling! Well, there can’t be that many of them. The first is him walking out on the January 4th, 2010 edition of Impact. Wooo?

Taz & Mike Tenay are your hosts and they build up Hogan’s retirement & Storm vs. Roode. Christy Hemme is your ring announcer!

Match 1: Gunner vs. Kazarian

Immortal’s Gunner takes on Fortune’s Kazarian! Tieup, Gunner powers him into the corner, Kaz slips out. Gunner wityh an arm wringer, Kazarian rolls around and reverses, Gunner with the top wristlock, Kaz uses the ropes to flip out, arm drag, dropkick & Kaz clotheslines Gunner over the top rope! Gunner takes the advantage when he yanks Kazarian off the apron, then he targets the left arm of Kazarian. He stomps away on that wing, a single arm DDT takes Kaz down. Taz notes that Kazarian tore his bicep & tricep a couple of years back as Gunner continues with the arm-based offense. Shoulder breaker & a knee drop to the arm. Kaz comes back with a springboard elbow, a kick and another takes him down. Kazarian sweeps the legs, then the springboard leg drop gets two. Gunner with a cheap shot, then sends Kazarian shoulder first into the ringpost. Gunner makes Kazarian tap to a standing armbar!

Winner via submission: Gunner (about 4 minutes)

Gunner continues with the offense after the bell, so Brian Hebner reverses the decision? I gotta say, I think Brian went a little overboard there. Gunner didn’t do that much.

Winner via disqualification: Kazarian (about 4 minutes) **
It was a decent little sprint, the lame finish didn’t do it any favors at all. Guess Kazarian needs to have a bad arm. Poor Traci.

Gunner yells random nonsense while backing up the ramp.

Mr. Anderson Promo!

Mr. Anderson meanders towards the ring. Tenay tells us he’s headstrong. Great, now I’ll have that lame Trapt song in my head the rest of the night. (Echo is my favorite Trapt song, for the record. Still Frame is good too) He’s wearing his hat because he has hat hair. He is out here to apologize. Not to Hogan, Bischoff or Dixie (why would he apologize to Dixie?), but to his assholes. Lots of assholes in Tennessee, no surprise there. He’s not good at playing the political game, he’s watched people swing from peoples’ nuts and get pushed to the moon, while he’s had to claw, scratch & scrape for all that he’s got. So in a moment of weakness he joined Immortal. What the hell was he thinking? Life is a learning experience, and he learned a lot. Bully Ray is a giant douche bag. You know, I could have told him that and I’ve never been in Immortal.

Well, here comes the Bully! He goes for the cheap heel heat saying he’s going to piss on Neyland Stadium. Anderson complains about Ray’s big chain and asks if he’s overcompensating for something. Ray always gets the upper hand on him. Ray’s demoralized him over and over again in front of his jackoffs. Anderson corrects him and insists they’re assholes. Ray refuses to give Anderson another match. Anderson points out that BFG is in Philadelphia, where Ray learned his stuff, and challenges him to a Philadelphia Street Fight where anything goes & falls count anywhere. I guess Ray has accepted, even though he didn’t say so. Mike Tenay said it, and that’s good enough for me.

Good God these auto insurance commercials are turrble.

Costal Chaos! Also known as “Jeff Jarrett’s Vacation Bought & Paid For By Impact Wrestling”. Well done, Jeff.

Roode & Storm are working out backstage.

Eric Bischoff talks to the camera man about how their affairs are in order & everything should be good, but it’s tough for him to see the Hulkster end his career. It’s the end of an era and it’s really really tough.

Brian Kendrick talks about Austin Aries, who he will face at Bound For Glory. Aries inspires Kid Kash? Does Brian know Kash has been in the business for quite awhile and this is how he rolls? Kash beats Kendrick down and is now my favorite wrestler because that promo was going nowhere.

Match 2: Mickie James & Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne & Winter (w/Angelina Love)

The four people in this match will be in the four corners match at Bound For Glory, so expect some drama of whether or not people can get along. Velvet needs to see somebody about this pigeons problem. The heels have to be favored here because they made their entrance together and are therefore closer to being on the same page. Or maybe not, as Madison gets shunted to the back of the line during their entrance. Taz says Winter is “hotly odd”…aren’t they all? Mackie & Winter starts, go behind into a headlock by Mickie, arm wringer, Winter goes to the ropes. I forgot how much of a screamer Madison was. I approve. Headlock takeover by Mickie on Madison, cartwheel, tag by Velvet and a seated dropkick by Velvet gets two. Madison tags out, Winter gets drop toe held, a clothesline by Velvet, Mickie tags in, Pie in the Sky! Mickie elbows Winter in the corner, fliny head scissors, reverse neck breaker by Mickie gets two. Froearms, whip reversed, Angelina trips Mickie up to change the course of the matchup. Winter whips Madison into Mickie, corner leg choke by Madison, frequent tags here to wear Mickie down while they stay fresh. Mickie’s sent hard into the corner, but Winter misses the corner charge, Mickie clotheslines Madison and tags in Velvet! Velvet’s a house of fire hitting clotheslines & head scissors on anybody moving, she hits Winter with a modified X-Factor but Madison breaks up the count. Angelina accidentally trips Winter! Velvet tries to take advantage, but she gets distracted by Angelina, and Madison rolls her up for the three count!

Winners: Winter & Madison Rayne (about 5 minutes)**¼
Not a bad little match here, lots of great camera angles.

The second great Hulk Hogan moment in Impact Wrestling is March 8, 2010, when Hulk Hogan & Abyss came out for a wrestling match. If I remember correctly the match never happened, or was cut extremely short. GREAT MOMENTS!

Kurt Angle yells at Eric Bischoff for allowing Jeff Hardy to be there. Bischoff says that this administrative detail is below Angle, and he will get rid of Hardy once and for all. We can only hope.

Another Promo!

Eric Bischoff makes his way to the ring to the adulation of the Knoxville fans. I just realized that now I have to sit through a segment with this goof & Jeff Hardy. I don’t get paid nearly enough. Bischoff orders Hardy to get his ass down there. Hardy complies. Bischoff says that he’s had the honor to work with some of the greats like Gagne, Wahoo, Stevens, Bockwinkel, Hogan & Angle that paved the way for people like them to feed their families & lead an amazing lifestyle. Bisch has never let anybody down or dropped the ball, while Hardy has turned dropping the ball into a friggin’ art form. He’s an amazing athlete, one of the biggest stars he’s ever met, and one of the biggest screwups. Jeff is out of chances with Eric. He’s done, he dropped the ball for the last time when he came to the ring so pilled up that he let everyone down. He tells Jeff to 12-step his way out of the ring.

Jeff’s glad that Eric got that off his chest in front of all these people. Maybe some of them agree with him!

*raises hand*

He has one thing to say. Eric tells him he can feel free to say goodbye. Jeff gives Eric a twist of fate, yells “Screw You” and runs off like a thief in the night! And we’re supposed to give this guy another chance? Outrageous!

Jeff tells the cameraman that he came back to apologize and he’s so sorry. But what happened out in the ring was wrong, and he’s leaving on his own terms! It was wrong, there was no reason for Jeff to attack Eric like that.

Your next great Hulk Hogan TNA moment is when he took control of TNA from Dixie Carter. These are some lackluster moments.

Match 3: Samoa Joe vs. Crimson

Why is Crimson wearing a Triple H t-shirt? It sure looks like one, anyway. He’s all over Joe to start this match, elbowing & punching him down into the corner. Joe strikes back and lands some punches of his own. Clothesline by Crimson, he punches Joe down on the mat. Big standing knees by Crimson, a neck breaker takes Joe down for one. Joe with the running elbow in the corner, then the leaping kick. Joe runs into a T-bone suplex by Crimson & goes to the outside. Crimson punches Joe around ringside until Joe rams Crimson’s leg into the safety rail. Not much safety there, folks. He rolls Crimson back in the ring, Crimson fights back, Joe takes him out with a legsweep. Joe sets him up for the figure four, Crimson reverses it, back up and Joe chop blocks him down. Back splash across the leg & ankle. Joe goes for the heel hook, but remains standing with it..Crimson looks like he’s about to tap…but kicks his way out of it! A rollup by Crimson gets the three count!

Winner: Crimson (about 5 minutes) **½
Not bad for a five minute match, but some more time may have helped it.

Ray tells the cameraman that Anderson is crazy for challenging him to a falls count anywhere match in Philadelphia. Screw Philly, he’s Bully Ray and he’s from New York City. You may scoff at a city vs. city storyline, but East Coast indies ran Philly vs. NY feuds for years and it did good business until it got ran into the ground.

Storm tells us that tonight is about Roode vs. Storm. It is what it is. It pays to be Roode, but Storm forgot his wallet. Sorry about your damn luck.

We get a video detailing Bobby Roode’s career with TNA. Scott D’Amore sighting! We go back to where he watched his first wrestling show and how he dreamed about being the top guy. Mother Sandy & Father Bob talk about how determined he is. Bobby doesn’t get Kurt’s vendetta against the company. Kurt’s not going to hold him down at Bound For Glory.

Match 4: James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

Both men come out to the Beer Money theme, in case you’re keeping track of these things. Jeremy Borash introduces our competitors. Am I the only one who prefers “Robert” to “Bobby”? They follow the Code of Honor. Storm with the armbar, Roode reverses, Storm elbows out, headlock by Storm, off the ropes, shoulder block by Storm, off the ropes, hip toss by Storm, they miss elbow drops, Storm goes for the super kick & Roode backs away. Go-behind by Storm, standing switch, off the ropes, arm drags by Roode, he goes for the Fijiwara armbar but Storm avoids it. They talk some trash, the fans chant “BEER! MONEY!” as we go to commercial…

We’re back & they’re exchanging chops in the corner. Mr. Perfect neck-snap by Bobby Roode, off the ropes, Storm with a series of clotheslines, punch, off the ropes clotheslines by Roode, one count. Tenay mentions that AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels will face off in an I Quit match at BFG while Storm & Roode exchange punches. Storm takes Roode into the corner, whip reversed, float over, boot by Roode, and a Blockbuster gets a two count. Punch by Roode, whip, Storm hooks the ropes, tosses Roode outside, Roode lands on his feet, but Storm brings him in with the Orton DDT for a two count. Storm with a back kick on the apron, off the ropes, Roode gets a two count with the spine buster! Roode’s heading up top…Storm crotches him, punches him, and follows him up…top rope superplex! That move’s ended careers, folks. Storm covers and gets a two count! Storm misses the super kick, series of reversals of signature moves, Roode applies the crossface, but Storm gets to the ropes! Code Breaker & a Back Cracker by Storm gets two! Storm elbows Roode in the corner, Roode rebounds into Brian Hebner & everybody’s down! Kurt Angle runs down and tosses James Storm into the ring steps! Not sure of Kurt’s motivation here…I guess he’d rather deal with one member of Beer Money instead of two? Storm kicks out after a loooooonnnngggggg two count! Roode pulls Storm up, Storm pushes him off, the fans chant Tennessee, Roode hits the fisherman’s suplex & gets the three count!

Winner: Bobby Roode (about 11 minutes shown) ***½
I think it was missing a little something extra to get into the top-flight category, but both guys brought it here and it was an enjoyable match. It’ll be interesting to see how Angle trying to take Storm out factors into things…

Retirement Time!

Hulk Hogan makes his way to the ring. “I am that I am”. That can’t be grammatically correct. Fans are chanting HOGAN HOGAN HOGAN. When Hulk’s feet hit the ground and he woke up, the first thing he realized that today would be the final day that he would be in the wrestling business. That was a tough cup of coffee for him to swallow. He put on his game face, came to Knoxville, and everybody welcomed him with open arms. He felt like it was his first day in the business and he thanks Knoxville very much. He’s back home, he’s going to be hanging out a lot, he’s not really sure what he’s going to do. He’s gotta find something to replace the love that he feels in his bones. It got so crazy today, fans on Twitter were all like “Are you really retiring?”. Hogan said he is, and he thanks the fans for everything. Thank you thank you thank you. He holds up his weightlifting belt. There have been generations and generations. Fans chant “Thank You Hogan”…it really doesn’t take much to fool these people. At the end of the day, Hulkamania had the longest run of anybody in the business, and now it’s time to put it to rest. Let the celebration begin!

Or not, because here comes Sting! I need a red suit like that. Hogan tells Sting he’s not welcome and he’s not going to turn it into a clown show. Sting’s sorry to bring some rain to this lovely evening, but he wants to know if people are buying it. The fans say “NO!” because they’re flip-floppers. Hogan says he’s done, he’s retired, and he wants Sting to leave him alone. Sting’s become so jaded that he can’t let him have his just due…but he knows Hogan better than anybody on the face of the earth. Nothing is sacred in this building any longer, and he’s got some compelling footage featuring the Hulkster. Sting tells them to play the footage!

We see Hogan & Bischoff talking about how people are buying into it hook, line & sinker and mocking the fans & the hillbillies in Knoxville. Hogan with a nice Tennessee accent. Hogan yells to cut the footage, and tells Sting that he’s crossed the line! He’s ruined everything in the business, he’s sick of him, and he’ll fight Sting at Bound For Glory! If Hogan loses, he’ll give the company back to Dixie Carter! This seems like a pretty big overreaction to me. Wasn’t Sting supposed to be the crazy one?

And there you have it. So long and good night, everybody!