411’s TNA Impact Wrestling Report 1.12.12

Championship Roll Call:
TNA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: Bobby Roode
TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: Austin Aries
TNA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Crimson and Matt Morgan
TNA KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP: Gail Kim
TNA KNOCKOUTS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Gail Kim and Madison Rayne
TNA TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: Robbie E

On tap for the follow-up to Genesis on Impact Wrestling!
* TNA Tag Team Title Match: Crimson and Matt Morgan © vs. Robbie E and Robbie T
* ODB vs. Winter
* #1 Contender’s Match: Kurt Angle vs. James Storm
* TNA World Title Match: Bobby Roode © vs. Jeff Hardy

Your usual DeMarco Disclaimers…
* I am rolling 100% spoiler free tonight.
* I actually like TNA, and promise to keep an open mind to their product.
* I think wrestling should be fun.
* There WILL be a surprise appearance in tonight’s coverage. Who is it? Wait and see…

Opening Video: At Genesis…
Genesis was Jeff Hardy’s big chance at redemption, but Bobby Roode had other ideas. Hardy was visibly frustrated at Roode’s actions. Hardy has something to say, and he’s going to say it…TONIGHT!

Opening Promo: World Champion Bobby Roode
Roode proclaims himself the most dominant World Heavyweight Championship in the history of Impact Wrestling. He’s the greatest. He’s beaten James Storm, AJ Styles and now Jeff Hardy. Roode wants Hardy to come out and shake his hand, but he gets The Icon Authority Figure instead…

They talk like children for a moment “Me Sting, You Bobby Roode…Me Spank Bobby’s Butt.” Seriously. Sting eventually announces that Roode will defend against Hardy…TONIGHT! Ta-Ta For Now! Roode is pissed as we go backstage.

Matt Morgan & Crimson Direct Auto Insurance Commercial
The equivalent of a life radio read takes place as they shill Direct, and then they overlook the Rob & Rob connection, and make plans to hit the club tonight.

[Commercial Break.]

TNA World Tag Team Championship
Matt Morgan & Crimson (champions) vs. The Rob-N-Rob Connection (Robbie’s E & T)
Crimson & Morgan are seeing more action in one week than they say during all of the Genesis build. We start with T & Crimson. Tenay plugs Twitter. Ugh. The Rob’s make two tags, and we still have T vs. Crimson. Big slam by T on C. E tagged in, and he has no success against C. C drags E around by the foot, and M is in. He clotheslines T down, and then formally tags in. Vintage Morgan elbows in the corner, followed by a Morgan Splash. T down to the floor hard after a bicycle kick to the face. Double team chokeslam and we’re done.
Winners: Crimson & Matt Morgan (double chokeslam on E) 3:00ish, **

Samoa Joe & Magnus attack! Thank god! We have a reason to care about Joe & Magnus! They dismantle M & C, and even have some coordinated offense. What’s next, matching tights? Joe & Magnus hold up the titles. Taz(z): “A message has been sent…”

Eric Bischoff arrives in the Impact Zone…

[Commercial Break.]

Special guest, what do you think of Samoa Joe & Magnus staying together as a team?

Garett Bischoff Video Package
Yeah, there was a ref who was Bischoff’s son. Then he was just Bischoff’s son. Then he got in some trouble with Gunner. Then he was sent to the hospital. Then he came back to being a ref again. Until Sting gave him boots. Now he has to put BootsToFeet because he’s on the roster. I wonder what Daddy thinks…

Story Time with Eric Bischoff
Tenay tells about a relationship between a father & a son. Ruined by power. Ruined by greed. Ruined by ambition? No wonder they needed to sew up the Pope-Devon feud, they are going back to this father-son angle.

Bischoff is warmed. Somewhere. Garett thinks he’s a wrestler. Not so. But he doesn’t blame Garett, he grew up around uniquely talented individuals who make it look easy. Like Slash to the douchebags in the park. Bischoff references WCW—which is dead, Eric (by the way). Bischoff tells the truth about burning everyone who ever worked with him. Now Garett has no friends in the business, and he should give up his dreams. Oh look, here’s Garett now! Is he wearing Sting’s boots?

The canned heat is very think once again. Gotta love that Impact Zone crowd! Garett recaps what Eric just said, but informs Daddy that he a) hasn’t burned his own bridges, and b) has some friends, and a) isn’t going anywhere. He’s proud to be in the ring, in this building, and working with (and learning) from the great ones like Sting, James Storm, Jeff Hardy & AJ Styles (a legend, a great promo, a guy with “it” and a great worker—that’s a good crew). Eric sent Gunner after him, but he’s back. And he has a big trainer. Eric will be shocked to find out who he is. He likely wears a lot of orange. Eric goes after Garett, and Garett shows he has a set.

That actually wasn’t bad at all. Give Garett some credit there. He just might make it.

Angelina & Winter backstage
Winter doesn’t need a leader, and she wants to remind everyone who Winter is. She has to, since TNA’s kept her off of TV since like Bound For Glory. Angelina Love wants to remind everyone who she is, as well.

[Commercial Break.]

When Crazy Met Dirty
Video package for Eric Young & ODB. Just like Tommy & Gina.

Bonus points if you get the reference.

Winter (w/Angelina Love) vs. ODB (w/Eric Young)
If this were a tag match, the smart money would be on Winter & Love. Eric guards the flask as there’s a ton of haze in the IZ. ODB breaks a waistlock and smacks the (rear) goods. Bronco Buster misses, and ODB hangs in the corner, and grabs her balls vajayjay. Winter has her trapped in the Tree of Woe, and Eric Young is not happy. Winter back in and gets two. Winter locks in a modified choke as Ta talks Lego Characters. ODB reverses fortune, and goes on the attack. Big Boobie Avalanche on Winter, and this time the Bronco… Will… Bust! Fall Away Slam by ODG, and Angelina is in. Eric Young intercepts and sends Angelina to a land of dizziness with an Airplane Spin. Eric is dizzy, too (but he’s always like that). Winter goes back after ODB, but she turns into a TKO. It’s all over!
Winner: ODB, (TKO) 3:47, *1/2

[Commercial Break.]

What did Brodus think of ODB’s TKO?

AJ Styles hits the ring
AJ has questions that need answers, thus he needs to speak with Kazarian. Taz says they were like brothers, but Kazarian actually looks like Garett’s brother. AJ says Frankie caught him by surprise for turning his back on him. He was always the voice of reason. So then… Why? AJ really wants to know why. But Kazarian can’t tell him. Oh, Christopher Daniels can! He calls himself the new face of Impact Wrestling and the smartest face in the room. Frankie (he called him that) sees AJ as a lost cause. The moral of the story? Frankie is done carrying AJ’s worthless piece of *bleep* *bleep*! AJ chucks the mic at Daniels, and they do battle. Kazarian pulls Daniels out, but doesn’t get physically involved with AJ. Well then, just when we have the answers, Roddy Piper changes the questions.

James Storm is walking, and dressed to wrestle!

[Commercial Break.]

Genesis Highlights
We see highlights of Bully Ray vs. Abyss. Apparently Bully Ray was trending ion Twitter as he hangs out with Bobby Roode, who could care less. I mena, c’mon, it’s just Twitter!

Hit up the ‘Mania on TWITTER (so Ashish will like me, okay?)

http://www.twitter.com/411mania
http://www.twitter.com/411wrestling
http://www.twitter.com/411moviestv
http://www.twitter.com/411music
http://www.twitter.com/411games
http://www.twitter.com/411mma
http://www.twitter.com/gregdemarcoshow – that’s me!

Roode informs us that this isn’t about Twitter, and Ray talks more Twitter. Now they’re just being silly. Ray has Bully’s back. But Roode’s not in Immortal, right?

“Cowboy” James Storm Promo Time
The best promo this side of Bully Ray heads to the ring. We get Genesis pics as he walks. Storm says Impact Wrestling is starting to get sketchy. Starting? If he wants to call someone out, he calls them out. And he calls Kurt Angle out. And out comes…

KURT ANGLE! He’s more like Kurt Warner—all smiles. Storm doesn’t let him talk, he’s gonna let him listen. Kurt took the low road, and Storm’s 6-year old daughter would call a cheater. He challenges him to a match, references poop, and gets the cheap “right here in the Impact Zone” pop. Storm gives Kurt the mic, and Kurt says he has the night off. We’ve already seen the line-up, Kurt! Rematch? No Chance! No Chance In Hell! Kurt says he was the better man, and is on to bigger & better things—the world title.

Ta-ta is back! The Icon makes his way to the ring, and his shirt makes me dizzy. He says Roode-Hardy has the stip that says if Roode gets intentionally DQ’d, Hardy wins the belt. Logical booking. Sting says each man won on PPV, and we need to have a rubber match. He books Storm-Angle for the right to face the winner of Roode-Hardy. And Angle has three minutes. Did somebody say Three Minutes?

The bell rings right after the …

[Commercial Break.]

#1 Contender’s Match
James Storm vs. Kurt Angle
No Kurt Angle to start. Dude, this was taped, they could have waited! (Real) Boos from the Impact Zone, and Hebner starts counting Kurt out. Angle runs to the ring, pulling the straps up. Storm is on the attack to start! Tenay continues to pimp Twitter, making TNA look like a cheap WWE rip-off. Thanks Mike, just keep feeding the trolls! Angle gets posted, and Storm goes after the arm. Storm has some of the slowest offense around. Seriously, he’s slooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww! Storm breaks the count (not sure why, he wants to win, right?) and goes to work on Angle’s face. Kurt rolls in, and Storm follows. Kurt gets a turn on offense, and we’re back on the floor. Storm eats some steel steps, and we’re back in the ring.

Angle stomps away on Storm, but Storm reverses an Irish Whip and connects with an elbow to put Angle down. We’re back to the outside—WWE Main Event Style, baby! Angle with the belly-to-belly on the floor, and we’re four minutes in as we head to break.

[Commercial Break.]

Match so far = 4 minutes. Commercial = 5 minutes. It’s been all Angle during the break. He stomps Storm in the corner, repeatedly. Remember, winner gets a shot at the Roode-Hardy winner. All this is for free tonight, too! Who needs PPV?!?!? Storm appears to be asleep in the ring as Angle picks him up for an uppercut. The Cowboy fights back, but Angle sends him crashing back to the mat. The “live audience” has anything but respect for the Olympic Gold Medalist. Storm tries to fight back, but Angle remains in control. Storm finally turns it around, putting Angle down with a clothesline, elbow & forearm. Backstabber…Das Cool! Storm gets two. Backbreaker and Angle is bleeding (from the mouth). Storm flies off of the middle rope, but Angle blocks it but Storm locks in the Ankle Lock! Angle rolls through—ANGLE SLAM! He gets two. Angle sells the Ankle Lock better than most of his opponents. Taz says it’s risky to use Kurt’s move. I love shoot comments that aren’t meant to be shoot comments.

Angle uses some hair to get the advantage back. Kurt goes to get the beer bottle. It worked for Bobby Roode! Hebner sees it and argues with Angle. Hebner turns his back to rid the ring of alcohol, and Angle spits in Roode’s face. Angle Superkick! He gets…TWO! Storm shots he can steal moves as well as anyone by using a Code Breaker, and follows it up with a Last Call Superkick. 1-2-3-Over!
Winner: James Storm (Code Breaker/Last Call Superkick), 16:12, ***3/4

Brodus?

Jeff Hardy Walks Backstage
Jeff Hardy knows Roode’s games. He didn’t win at Genesis—he’s not the champ. But tonight he will be.

[Commercial Break.]

Brooke Adams Hooters Promo
Tenay was talking, likely saying why they used Brooke’s real name. I wasn’t listening…thanks to Brooke.

Madison Approaches Sting
Madison gives Sting the chance to name her VP of the Knockouts. Do we really need one? Sting manipulates her, saying she won’t need to stay in a tiny little cage, she’ll face Mickie James next week in a Steel Cage! Madison says he doesn’t need to do it, but Sting disagrees. Ta ta for now…it’s showtime!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship
Robert Bobby Roode (champion) vs. Jeffrey Nero Hardy
If Roode gets intentionally disqualified, Hardy wins the title
“Bobby’s not the guy, brother!” Why exactly is Roode “off the chain?” Always wondered that. JB auditions for the UFC cage announcer job again. If Bruce Buffer turns up dead, we already have a man and a motive! Jeff Hardy is announced as the #1 contender, even though James Storm just won that honor. Roode stays on the ramp for the intros—nice touch.

Hardy takes the match to Roode on the outside. He throws Roode into the steel. Has the bell even sounded? Brian Hebner counts on the outside as Dixie Carter is dating Bjorn Rebney again. How tawdry! (You happy commenters?) Roode gets some quick offense in, but then gets catapulted into the post. Roode avoids the Twist of Fate on the floor, but eats a clothesline for his efforts. We finally make it into the ring, and the bell rings!

Hardy gets two on the inside. Short arm clothesline. Gets two! He’s on fire! Repeated nearfalls for Jeff Hardy, but he can’t keep the champ down. Roode telegraphs a backdrop, eating a boot and getting clotheslined back to the floor.

[Commercial Break.]

We’re back as Hardy has the advantage on the floor. Roode flies over the steps—great sound on that one! Hardy moves some fans & furniture, and misses the dive! Hardy with a nice spill against the railing, and the Impact Zone fans are rabid for Hardy! RABID! Both men try to recover as Brian Hebner starts the 10-count. Roode gets back in, so Hebner restarts the count? Okay. Hardy barely makes it back in this time, and Roode goes to work on the challenger. I wonder of Bjorn turns to Dixie and says “this is so fake!” Chinlock O’Doom on Hardy by the champ. Hardy battles up, so Roode just clubbers him back down. Roode heads to the second turnbuckle, and hits a sloppy blockbuster. Roode is frustrated—can’t keep Nero down! Roode works the crowd “There’s your hero!” as Hardy tries to get up. Jawbreaker gives Hardy an opening, and some trademark Hardy offense is on the menu! Double leg drop and dropkick gets two for Jeff Hardy. Whisper in the Wind! Gets TWO!

Both men are down in the center of the ring as Hebner starts the count. Hardy is quick to get up, but Roode nails the Double R Spine Buster. Fisherman’s Suplex countered into a Twist of Fate, and Hardy is up. Swanton? Misses! Roode covers for two, and THIS MATCH DESERVES A REAL CROWD! Roode back to the second rope, but Hardy moves. Another Twist of Fate, and the shirt is off! Swanton connects. 1…2…NO! Bully Ray attacks the referee! Jeff Hardy isn’t happy, and Taz still doesn’t know that TNA has a second ring entrance on the other side of the ring. Jeff Hardy’s music starts, and we have no announcement. Tune in next week!
Winner: Anyone’s guess! 13:37 (15:43 if you count the opening brawl), ***1/2

Sadly we did, Brodus. Sadly we did.

And now, I want to thank this week’s special guest appearance…

By the way, I’m taking suggestions for next week’s special appearance!

Thanks for reading, we’ll see you next week!