411’s WWE Royal Rumble Report 1.29.12

-On tap for tonight’s show is…

Welcome to 411’s LIVE WWE ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT 01.29.12
Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: CM Punk
World Champion: Daniel Bryan
US Champion: Jack Swagger
IC Champion: Cody Rhodes
Unified Diva’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Primo and Epico

Welcome, one and all, to one of the biggest Pay-Per-Views of the WWE’s Calendar year! What some herald as the on ramp to the road to WrestleMania, this PPV comes from Randy Orton’s home town of St. Louis, Missouri! A majority of people are considering Orton the winner, while some proclaim Chris Jericho as the man who will stand tall at the end! We’ve got a good couple of hours before the show, so let’s see some predictions and why? Who is taking this year’s Royal Rumble?!?!

Let’s get this show on the road!!!

Cook, Critchell and Penguin are somewhere amidst the fans in St. Lewey and are about as ready for the Rumble as I am! 411 represent! It looks like we’re starting off with the World Heavyweight Championship match! Let’s gettteerrr done!

World Heavyweight Championship Steel Cage Triple Threat Match:
Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. The Big Show
The Daniel Bryan chants start the match and somewhere in the depths of the crowd, a continuous BAM SON chant is simmering. Daniel Bryan quickly runs up the turnbuckle, but Henry pulls him down, and Show shoulder blocks his ass. Show goes for a pin but Henry breaks it up. Bryan rolls out of the way and Show and Henry lock horns. Henry is between the cage and the ropes as Show smiles. Show just crunshes him against the cage, not once, not twice, but three times! On the third one, Daniel Bryan tries to climb the cage but Show is there to pull him down with a body slam. Show goes for a chop, then sends Bryan into the corner and hits one. Another chop in the opposite corner. Show just tosses Bryan to the cage like a dart then calls for the WMD but Bryan moves and he socks the cage! Bryan tries to take advantage but Show just pushes him down then we get a headbutt. Show with a toss to the corner, but Bryan moves and clips the knee! Bryan sees Henry and goes on the offense with some hard kicks to the kneed Henry. One swift kick to the head then he hits a low dropkick into Show’s face! The door is open!!! Daniel Bryan tries to leave, but here’s Henry to stop it! Bryan is between the ropes and cage now. Henry smasshes his face against it, making him his prison bitch! He slingshots Bryan into the cage then turns into a SUPERKICK from Big Show! Sweet Double Chin Music!!! Bryan goes up top again, but Henry pulls him and tosses him against the cage! Bryan tries to fight him, but Show begins clubbing on the back of Bryan!! He tosses Bryan to the cage then hits a nice body slam! Show with a headbutt! Henry is up! A couple rights and a clothesline knocks the Big Show down! Henry stomps on Bryan then stands on his chest! Damn, that’s a heavy heart. eh? EH?

Henry tosses Bryan to the cage as it appears he is the lawn dart of the match. Henry goes for the avalanche splash, but Bryan ducks and Henry runs into the cage! Henry turns right into a hard right from Show and both big men are down! Bryan goes for the pin! 1…2..NO! Show is up and tosses Bryan to opposite sides of the cage. Show calls for the chokeslam! NO! Bryan kicks the leg! Show tosses him to the corner and Bryan is able to hit a Tornado DDT. Pin for 1…2..NO! La Bell Lock from Bryan!!!! Henry breaks the hold! Henry tosses him to the cage then looks to go for the Strongest Slam, but there’s Show to break it up! Bryan pin but only gets a two! Bryan runs up top then hops over the cage! But Show is there to hold him up by the head!!! Bryan tries to fight out of it! He’s atop the cage. He socks Cage and is about to climb out!! He’s dangling!!! Show isn’t allowing it!! He’s holding him single handedly! Bryan is hanging from Show’s hand!! haha. Ah, he falls to the mat and retains his title!
Daniel Bryan (**1/2)

Bryan sits atop the ramp and screams out YES!! to celebrate his win!

A preview of media rounds that Cena has made and a spotlight on his rise bores me, so I go to take a piss.

It appears we are having a tag team match with matching Heel Divas vs unmatching Face Divas.

Divas Tag Team Match:
The Bella Twins, Beth Phoenix and Natalya vs. Kelly Kelly, Eve, Alicia Fox and Tamina
Tamina and natalya to start. Headlock takedown from Nattie then a whip and we got a stalemate till natty pulls the hair. Natalya with a slap, and Tamina fires back with a chop then a headbutt and a pin for 1…2..NO! Tamina tags in Eve. Eve pops her ass then we get a horrible standing Moonsault into a pin for 2. Nattie is up, though and sends her to the corner. Nattie smacks her then tags in Beth. Beth with a whip but Eve flips over and we get a kick, another. A clothesline into a front flip but Beth puts the knees up! Beth with a kick to the gut of Eve and drives a few elbows into Eve’s side then gets a pin for 1…2..NO!!! Beth sends Eve to the corner then tags in Bella 1. Bella with a knee to the back of the head of Eve. A kick to the hanging Eve then a pin. 1…2..NO! Bella 1 with a chin lock. Eve fights out and tags in Alicia. Alicia with a dropkick, then another! Alicia stomps a mudhole!! We get the twin magic and Bella 2 sends Alicia to the corner then chokes her up on the rope. Arm twist then Bella slams it down! We get a half chickenwing chinlock. She’s out of it and a tag to Kelly! Kelly with a Hurricanrana that lasts too long. Kelly with a handspring elbow into a bulldog and a pin for 1…2…Bella 1 kicks out.Eve is in to send her out. Nattie sends Eve to the outside. All hell breaks loose as Kelly is left alone in the ring. She is going up top as all Divas are outside. She flies and is caught by all of them. That was lackluster. Kelly and Bella are in the ring. Beth slaps Bella hard, tagging herself in and goes for the Glam Slam on Kelly! She ihts it! 1…2…3!!!
Winners: Beth Phoenix, The Bella Twins and Natalya (**)

In the back, Zack Ryder is in a back brace and wheelchair. Johnny Ace is there to welcome him to his own dressing room with a TV and food. If there is anything that Ryder needs, just let him know and he’ll get it. Here’s Eve, fresh off her win. She says that Johnny has done enough. As far as she is concerned, he’s vindictive, pompous and ugly. Ok, she didn’t say ugly. She hopes he’s fired tomorrow. He mockingly calls it gratitude. Eve calls him an ass then gets pushing duty for Ryder.

Singles Match:
John Cena vs. Kane
Kane does his flames pre-match, so that means he’s losing here. Cena starts with a kick then we get some rights only to run into a back elbow from Kane! Kane sends Cena to the corner then gets in an uppercut and some rights to the gut in the corner. Kane with some kicks as the Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks chants start. Cena is fighting back! he hits the ropes and clotheslines Kane over the ropes! Kane pulls him out and hits an uppercut ringside. Cena sends Kane to the stairs, knee first. Cena goes for the AA, but Kane is too heavy and he rolls off of him after hitting Cena in the head. Kane lifts Cena up and sends him to the corner. A hard right to the chin! Another to the face! On e more to the chest! Kane steps on the head of Cena then hits a dropkick to the face of Cena. Pin for 1…2..NO! Cravat from behind. Cena is up, he turns into it and hits a knee. Cena is fighting out. They trade right hands. Cena wins the exchange but only shortly as he runs right into an uppercut. Kane pins for 1…2..NO!!! Kane with a suplex! Pin for 1…2…NO!!! Kane, from behind with a chinlock. Cena fights out of it by using the powers of the crowd!!! He kicks Kane and hits a right to the temple of Kane, but again, Kane knocks him down with a single punch. Kane sends Cena to the corner and hits a clothesline in the corner. Kane calls for the chokeslam. Nope! Drop Toe Hold sends Kane to the corner. Cena goes for the bulldog, but Kane sends him flying damned near out of the ring. Kane goes after Cena, but Cena hangs him up on the ropes! Cena flies in only to run right into a clothesline. Kane is looking at his gloved hand. He looks to be going for the facehold, but Cena is trying to prevent it! He’s unable to, and Kane brings Cena to his knees! Cena quickly turns it into an STF!!! Kane powers out and Cena runs…right into Sidewalk Slam. Kane is up top! He’s gonna fly!!!! Flying Clothesline!!! Kane calls for the chokeslam! Cena ducks under and hits a shoulder block. Another! Protobomb. Kane cannot possibly fathom visually the image of Cena!!!! Oh but yes he can! Kane reaches up with a Goozle!!! Cena breaks it and Kane with a Big Boot! Pin for 1…2…NO!!

Kane sends Cena headfirst into the turnbuckle then hits an uppercut. Kane puts Kane up top. Kane and Cena are both atop the turnbuckle. Cena sends Kane flying off! Cena is up top! He stands tall and smiles Five Knuckle Shuffle from the top rope! He’s waitin for it. He calls for the AA, but Kane elbows Cena in the jaw! Cena with a dropkick to the legs of Kane. Kane goes down. Cena pulls the leg, going for the STF, but Kane just pushes him off with the leg and sends Cena to the outside. Cena gets hit with a shoulderblock against the apron. Kane sends Cena up the ramp and the ref hits the ten count.
Winner: No Contest (**1/2)

Cena picks up a huge light and nails Kane with it. Cena with a right, and they’re near the top ramp, now. Kane and Cena, fighting near the techs. In the back now, and Kane hits an uppercut to Cena. Kane yells for Cena to give it up…Cena comes back with some kicks and sends Kane into some trash cans. The trash don’t phase Kane none! He grabs a chair and gets a gut check into Cena. Kane wails on the back of Cena a couple of times then tosses the chair aside and we see the door to Zack Ryder’s dressing room…Kane kicks the door in, literally and Ryder is in the chair. He tries to kick Kane but Kane just muzzles him with his hand, and it appears that’s enough to daze him….is it laced with fuckin ether? Kane rolls Ryder out of the room and it looks like he’s heading to the outside.

Near the end of the ramp, Kane just pushes foreward, sending Ryder to the floor. He lifts him up by his backbrace and rolls him into the ring. Kane toys with him and here comes Eve….what the hell? Eve pleads for Kane to stop. She’s begging…on her knees (giggity). Kane looks to Tombstone Ryder. He looks at Eve, grins, and we get a Tombstone! Ryder is laid out as Eve cries. Kane stands and looks towards Eve, but here’s Cena! He runs in and hits Kane in the gut then tries to lift him up for the AA but cant! Kane with a chokeslam!!!

Kane leaves as Ryder gets the stretcher job and Cena is resting aside the ropes. The announcers get the “Super Low Voice of Seriousness” as Eve works on her Emmy. She looks back at Cena with an accusing face.

We get a hype of The Rock’s upcoming projects and his wrestling history intertwined.

It appears another impromptu match is in order, as Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring. Oh great, it’s with Brodus! Brodus is green and he’s T-Rexin his ass down to the ring. This should be short. Poor Drew. McIntyre calls this a disgrace form the outside. Funkasaurus chant, and his trunks have a Jurassic Park like logo.

Singles Match:
Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay
Drew blows a kiss to the girls, and Brodus no likey. This gives Drew the chance to hit some offense! He gets some right and a few kicks in the corner, but Brodus shows some ferocity and headbutts Drew down! T-Bone suplex! Splash into the corner, he hits the ropes, What the Funk and the pin for 1…2…3!!!!
Winner: Brodus Clay (* – mostly because of the dancing)

Johnny Ace is out first, and he’s on the mic. He claims that even though he has been assigned as a ref, in the interest of fairness he has decided that he will oversee the officiating from outside the ring. He will leave the officiating inside the ring to a WWE Referee.

After the introductions, Ace gets in the ring and kicks Vickie out. If you recall, she was banned from ringside.

WWE Championship Match:
CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ John Laurinitis As Special Guest Referee
Here. We. Go! Lokcup and CM Punk gets a quick roll up for 1. Fingers laced and Dolph kicks Punk. He goes for the Fameasser, but misses and Punk raises him up in a Fireman’s. Stalemate as both men stand. Lockup, again, and Dolphs is against the ropes. Punk with a right hand. Kick to the thigh, another. Float over from Dolp into a go behind. Dolph hits the ropes, Dolph is about to fly over, Punk stands, Dolph holds the ropes! Flair strut…nice! Dolph shoots, but Punk wihth a roll up for 1…2..NO! Punk quickly tries to apply the Anaconda Vice but Dolph pulls himself to the ropes. Test of strength, Punk with a go behind into an abdominable stretch. Punk hilariously wipes his hair back and tosses the sweat to Dolph’s face. Punk sets up for a suplex but instead just hangs Dolph up on the top rope. Dolph is on the outside and Punk dives right through the ropes into Dolph!! Punk sends Dolph back into the ring, and he’s going up top, but OH there’s Dolph to trip him up! Punk bounces off the top rop onto the mat and Ziggler pins for 1…2…NO!!! Dolph with a kick to the face of the fallen punk. He lifts Punk up into a neckbreaker then drops a few elbows onto Punk. OK, more than a few. Pin. 1…tw-NOOO! Dolph with a side headlock from behind. Punk turns it into a back suplex. Both men down. Dolph is up at three and then Punk. They trade blows. Punk with a knee, Dolph with a kick, Punk with a double chop. Ziggler hits the ropes and rolls right into a Sleeper Hold, but Punk pulls him foreward and goes for the Anaconda Vice again! Dolph rolls out of it and back into a Sleeper Hold! Punk uses Dolph’s leg for momentum and tosses Dolph off of him. Dolph lands on his feet, then hits a nice a dropkick to Punk! Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Dolph looks to finish this as he goes for the Fameasser, but Punk catches him and hits a spinning powerbomb! NICE! 1…2..NOOOO!!! So close! Punk on the offense with some chops and a kick into a heel kick. Swinging neckbreaker! Dolph is in the corner. Punk with a high running knee into a bulldog. Punk calls for NIGHT NIGHT!!! He lifts Dolph up but Dolph hops off and slingshots Punk to the corner! Punk holds on and flies off with a cross body, but Dolph rolls that into a pin for 1…2..NO!!! Dolph goes for a Zig Zag but Punk holds the ropes! Punk turns and BAM! High kick to the head!!! 1…2…NO!!!!

Punk with a body slam.He goes up top, but stares a hole through Ace first. Macho Man Elbow Drop and a pin for 1…2..NO!!! Thank You, Savage chant. Punk lifts Dolph up, but Dolph flies off and pushes Punk right into the ref! Arm drag by Punk into the Anaconda Vice! He locks it in, and Dolph is tapping! Ace is outside trying to get the ref up. Punk calls for him from in the ring. Here’s Dolph with a roll up! Ah, but Punk reverses that and gets a roll up of his own for 1…2…3!!! But Ace doesn’t see it!!! Dolph stands and Punk hits him with a right then looks over to Ace. Punk is Pissed! He calls for Ace to count the pin! Punk lifts up Ziggler for the G2S! Punk swings Dolph right into Ace, sending him outside! Punk hits the G2S then pins, but the ref isn’t looking!!! Ace is yelling from the outside. Punk yells that he just beat Dolph three times! He lifts Dolph up again, goes for the G2S….DOLPH Reverses the shit out of it with a Fameasser!!!! 1….2…..NOOOOOO!!! Wowza! Dolph clubs on the back of Punk’s head, showing frustration! He drops some elbows to the shoulder of Punk then beats on the head of Punk! Dolph tries for another Fameasser, but Punk turns it into a slingshot! Dolph flies off the turnbuckle right into the Go 2 Sleep! Pin for 1…2….(Johnny Ace rolls into the ring and counts along with the ref)…..3!!!!
Winner: CM Punk (***1/2)

John Laurinitis grabs the title and hands hands it to the ref then goes up top and claps for

The intervals are every 90 seconds, in case y’all was wondering.

The Miz is first to enter, and he brought the AWESOME balloons. Miz on the mic. He says that everyone in the back assumes he is afraid and that he won’t make it to the end. Those are the same superstars, however, that said he would never be WWE Champion, that he’d never headline a Wrestlemania. He may be the first one out here, but he will be the last man standing. and will go on to headline Wrestlemania 28. Because he is The Miz…..and he’s AWESOME!!!

30 Man Royal Rumble Match

#1 The Miz and #2 Alex Riley are starting this out! Miz looks over to the Wrestlemania sign then to Riley. They trade blows! Riley sends Miz into the corner, hits a clothesline then fires back with a hard clothesline! He lifts up Miz and tries to send him over the ropes, but Miz ain’t having it and starts to beat up on Riley. He goes to toss Riley, but Riley switches and Miz is sent over the top rope! Miz is on the apron! Riley goes for a hit, but Miz pulls the ropes and sends Riley over!!

#1 Elimination: Alex Riley

#3 is R-Truth! He runs in with a double leg take down and mounts Miz!! Truth sends Miz over, but Miz is able to stay in. Truth misses a kick. Truth lifts Miz up, looks like he fucked up a bit then goes for a body slam. He sends Miz over the ropes, but Miz stays in as we get a countdown. It’s #4 Cody Rhodes!!!! Truth has Miz set up for a DDT, but Rhodes hits the ropes and hits a Beautiful Disaster to the back of Miz’s head. He gets a front suplex on Truth then holds him up for Miz to attack. They double team Truth a bit then Rhodes gives a rope assisted kick to the abdomen/nuts of Truth. Miz looks to sneak attack and Truth sends Rhodes over, but Rhodes hangs on! Truth is trying to fight it out with Miz, but Miz hits the neckbreaker./backbreaker combo! #5 is in and it’s Justin Gabriel! Gabriel flies in with a hit to Miz, and a protobomb to Rhodes. STO drop to Truth, but Rhodes is here with a hard right to the back of his head!! Rhodes has Gabriel in the corner with a chop while Miz and Truth are trading hits in the opposite corner. Rhodes is getting the better of Gabriel as #6 is on his way. It’s #6 Primo! He comes in with some rights, trips up Cody and hits a leg drop, then sends Gabriel to the corner and hits a nice Hurricanrana. He goes for a leg drop, but Gabriel moves and Primo is in a Tree of Woe. Just as this happens, Miz sends Truth over the rope!

#2 Elimination: R-Truth

Truth is upset, so he pulls Miz out from under the ropes and hits Pay Dirt. In the ring, Primo is working on Gabriel with some kicks. #7 Mick Foley is out!! Primo goes on the attack, but Foley sends him to the mat. Some rights to the head of Primo! Primo hits the ropes and Foley sends him over!!

#3 Elimination: Primo

Cody is quick to go on the attack of Foley, but but Foley gets him upo in the corner with some rights!!! BANG BANG!! Knee to the head of Cody! He calls for the Double Underhook DDT! He and Gabriel are looking to toss Cody over, but #8 is coming up quickly!!! It’s….ALBERTO DEL RIO!!!!!! Wait a minute, it’s not Alberto! It’s Ricardo Rodriguez and he comes out in a fucking 80’s Datsun!! Rodriguez is ver excited as he makes his way slowly to the ring. He slides in. There’s a Ricardo chant! Cody is in the corner, so Ricardo attacks him first. He starts with some rights and just beats on him! He stands and turns right into Foley! Foley goes bang bang and Justin Gabriel hits a dropkick to Ricardo. Ricardo fires back with a kick to the thigh. He and Foley team up to send Justin Gabriel out of the ring!!! hahahaha.

#4 Elimination: Justin Gabriel

#9 Santino comes chugging down! Ricardo is ready! Santino threatens the Cobra. Santino is alughing at Rodriguez. He runs at Santino only to get flipped. Atomic drop by Santino. Inverted Atomic Drop. They roll from one side of the ring to the other for some reason then Santino gives him a wedgie and sends him over the top rope! Adios, Ricardo!!!

#5 Elimination: Ricardo Rodriguez.

Foley is there. He pulls out the sock! Santino pulls out the Cobra Sleeve! They prep the attack!! Oh wow, this is great! The countdown starts! #10 Epico is in! He attacks Santino, but Santino with a Cobra! Mr. Socko is next! As the Mandible Claw sends Epico to the outside!

#6 Elimination: Epico

The Cobra Strikes and Mr. Socko lock arms! But here is The Miz and Cody Rhodes are in to attack! Rhodes sends Santino over!

#7 Elimination: Santino

Foley locks the Mandible Claw onto Miz!!! Oh, but here’s Rhodes to eliminate Foley!!

#8 Elimination: Foley

Just as Cody and Miz are going to Lock up, #11 Kofi is in the ring! Dropkicks galore!!! Double boom drop!!! Rhodes with a whip and aa dropkick to Kofi! Here comes #12, and it’s Jerry “The King” Lawler! Rhodes is holding him and Miz goes for a right! King ducks and Miz hits Rhodes. King is up top! He drops a strap! Left fist to the face The Miz and Rhodes sends him over the top rope!

#9 Elimination: Jerry “The King” Lawler

Rhodes attacks Kofi as #13 Ezekiel Jackson comes down with a head full of hair (sorta). Zeke with a hard clothesline to Miz, then calls for one to Kofi. Another to Miz. Zeke sets Cody up with a body slam. He stomps Miz in the corner. Zeke with a side slam to Kofi, then some kidney shots in the corner to Rhodes. #14 Jinder Mahal makes his way out, slowly, as Zeke has his foot into the throat of Cody. Mahal takes forever to get into the ring, as Zeke drops Miz. Jinder is in with a high knee to Kofi, a neckbreaker to Zeke, then some stomps onto Kofi. Miz is on the attack of Zeke while Cody is chillin. Jinder in the corner with Kofi. #15 The Great Khali is here!!!! He lumbers down the ring, chops Cody, Miz, Kofi and here’s Jinder to attack! Khali sends his ass out easily.

#10 Elimination: Jinder Mahal

Zeke goes for a clothesline but Kofi chops his head and sends him to the outside!

#11 Elimination: Ezekiel Jackson

In the ring, Miz is attack Khali and here comes #16 Hunico. He runs in, springboard cross body! Angle Slam to COdy Rhodes. But here’s Khali with a chop to Hunico’s head. He presses on his head with a boot as Kofi and Miz tangle up. Khali grabs Kofi then Miz and tries to send Miz over as Rhodes and Hunico lock up. #17 is…Booker T!!! Ahahaha. He takes off his coat and he goes straight for Cody!! He is on the attack for a while until Khali, who headbutts him to the mat. Khali chokes him up in the corner as the chants start. Cody attacks Booker so Khali attacks Cody! He chops Cody hard!!! Miz and Kofi are still wrestling. He goes to send Kofi over but Kifo skins the cat!!! Miz with a dropkick but Kofi is doing a freakin HANDSTAND!!!! Kofi walks on his freakin hands all the way to the stairs!!! WOW! #18 Dolph Ziggler is here!!!!!! WOOO HOOOO!!! Kofi is attacking Rhodes and here comes Ziggler, attacking Kofi!! Khalis i chopping hunico while Dolp is attacking Kofi and Booker is with Hunico now. Booker sends Hunico over but Hunico holds the ropes. Booker chops him up in the corner. Khali grabs Cody by the head as Booker hits a kick. #19 Hacksaw Jim Duggan is here!!! HOOOOOOOO!!!!! He hits a right to Cody, Dolph, BOoker! Whip to Cody!!! USA CHANTS!!! Duggan sends Hunico to the ropes! A kick to Miz then Cody! Headbutt to each other!!! Duggan misses a shoulder block and Cody sends him to the outside!!!

#12 Elimination: Jim Duggan

Khali and Booker are by the ropes, Ziggler and Cody come by and toss both out of the ring!

#13 Elimination: Booker T

#14 Elimination: The Great Khali

The countdown for #20 begins and Michael Cole has a hunch!!! #20 is…..MICHAEL COLE!!!!! The camera man hilariously gets him in frame with the Wrestlemania sign! Everyone is too busy to even notice Cole in the ring. Rhodes and Ziggler are locked up while Miz and Hunico are choking up Kofi. Holy shit…there’s a cackle!!! It’s….#21 KHARMA!!! She fucking steamrolls Cole, knocking Cole’s headgear right off. Cole climbs over the rope onto the apron, and King and Booker come in to pull him off!! hahahaha.

#15 Elimination: Michael Cole

Dolph yells at Kharma to get out so she fucking hits the Implant Buster on his ass!! Vickie Guerrero is on the apron, taunting Kharma! Hunico comes flying by, only for Kharma to toss him over!!

#16 Elimination: Hunico

Dolph is there to flip Kharma over the rope!

#17 Elimination: Kharma!

#22 is Sheamus and he comes in with FIRE!!! He sends Kofi to the corner! Kofi tries to fire back with a spinning heel kick, but Sheamus catches him and tosses him to the outside.

#18 Elimination: Kofi Kingston

Sheamus gets Cody locked up on the ropes then clubs on the chest! Ah, he does the same with The Miz!!! hahaha. Dolph goes for the Zig Zag, but Sheamus holds the ropes! Sheamus with a Finlay Roll! #23 is….ROAD DOGG!!!! He comes in jukin and jivin!!! He hits the 1, 2, 3 to Miz!! SUCK IT!!! Road Dogg sends Miz to the corner! #24 Jey Uso comes running down, and he does a little dancing elbow himself to Road Dogg! Road Dogg is in the corner, and Jey does a butt splash! #25 Jack Swagger is out!!! The United States Champion is in with a clothseline to Miz, to Rhodes, to Jey!!! Side slam to Sheamus! Swagger with the boot. Swagger’s got Uso in the corner. Road Dogg is getting jumped by Miz and Rhodes. Sheamus is tangling with Dolph. Rhodes with a front suplex to Dolph. #26 Wade Barrett is out with his rose donned blazer. He comes in attacking everyone then sends Road Dogg over the ropes! awww man! haha

#19 Elimination: Road Dogg

Wade and Sheamus are in the corner. Dolph hits a Fameasser onto Jey. Ziggler is about to send Jey out as #27 David Otunga comes out. Ziggler and Uso are in one corner. Otunga attacks Rhodes while Sheamus rests in the corner. Swagger and Miz are in another corner as Wade tries to toss Otunga. Otunga sends Wade to the corner. Miz switches with Rhodes and DDT’s Jey. #28 is Randy Orton is in!!! Clotheslines everywhere! Thesz press to Barrett and some rights! Scoop Slam to Sheamus, to Wade!!! Here comes the house cleaning….ah, but Rhodes stops him with a kick! He goes to send Orton out, but Orton revereses and sends him outside the apron. Dolph joins and we get a Double DDT from the ropes! Uso is up! Orton kicks him and sends him over the rope!!!

#20 Elimination: Jey Uso

RKO to Barrett!

#21 Elimination: Wade Barrett

Orton attacks Miz in the corner. #29 is coming! The lights go out!!! It’s Chris Jericho! He attacks Miz, Orton, Rhodes!! Otunga! Orton again. He sends Otunga out!

#22 Elimination: David Otunga

Jericho attacks Dolph! A kick to Dolph! Swagger is about to send Sheamus over, but he holds on! Rhodes is kicking Jericho in the corner. Orton and Miz are struggling with each other. #30 is about to come out!!

#30 is…The Big Show Well, that was lackluster. lol. Sheamus is swinging Swagger over the ropes, so Show helps by pulling him down. Swagger is out and he is pissed, but Show just gives him a hard right to the face! DAMNNNNNN.

#23 Elimination: Jack Swagger.

He palms the face of The Miz and Cody Rhodes and sends them to the outside!

#24 Elimination : Cody Rhodes

#25 Elimination: The Miz

#26 Elimination: Dolph Ziggler

The final four are Randy Orton, The Big Show, Sheamus and Chris Jericho! They each hold a corner. Three of them attack Show, but he pushes them all away! He is tossing them around everywhere. Show sends Jericho to the corner. He is lookin to chokeslam Jericho! Show hits it onto Jericho!!! Orton with an RKO onto The Big Show!!! Sheamus and Orton lift him up, but there’s Orton to eliminate The Big Show!!!

#27 Elimination: The Big Show

Jericho flips Orton over the rope!!

#28 Elimination: Randy Orton

Jericho and Sheamus are left over and I realize my numbers have got to be off…I’ll fix that later. Sheamus with a back elbow. He sends Jericho to the corner. Jericho sends Sheamus to the corner, he hits the ropes, looking for a bulldog, but Sheamus sends him flying to the corner. Jericho holds on tight as Sheamus tries to send him to the outside. He pushes Sheamus away and hits a Missle Dropkick onto Sheamus. Hard kick to the chest of Sheamus. Sheamus us hanging on the ropes. Jericho kicks him hard then goes running, but here is Sheamus with the Irish Curse backbreaker! Sheamus goes for the Celtic cross, but Jericho rolls off and clotheslines Sheamus over the ropes!! He holds on!!! Jericho hits the corner, Enziguri to Sheamus!!! No, he holds on!!! Jericho tries pushing him with the legs, but Sheamus kicks Jericho away!! Jericho is going to run for it towards Sheamus, but Sheamus hops over with a shoulderblock!!! Sheamus lifts Jericho up! He damn near gets it, but Jericho flips over! He runs right into a fuckin back elbow and the fuckingPPVgoes black!!! WHOA!!! So fucking lucky as it comes back with Jericho holding Sheamus in the walls! Jericho goes for a right to Sheamus, but Sheamus tosses hom over his back and the ropes!! JERICHO HOLDS ON!!!! Jericho is in the corner! He is pulling Sheamus up! If Jericho touches the mat, this is over! Sheamus headbutts Jericho. Jericho with an elbow. Sheamus is crotched! Both men slip down!!! Whoa! Jericho rolls into the ring. Jericho with a Codebreaker!!! Jericho goes for a pin, I think…then recalls what he’s there for. He gets in some rights then kicks Sheamus hard in the gut! A right to the face! Sheamus misses a right as Jericho tries to push Sheamus over the ropes! Sheamus is hanging!!! Jericho smacks him in the face three times, pissing Sheamus off! Sheamus sends Jericho to the corner and goes for the Brogue Kick!!! He misses! Jericho goes for another Codebreaker, but Sheamus tosses him over the rope! Jericho hangs from the ropes as Sheamus stands and waits! Jericho is on the apron! Sheamus with the Brogue Kick! Jericho is KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!!!! He falls to the mat!

#29 Elimination: Chris Jericho

Winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble is: Sheamus (***1/2)

Order of Entry:
1. The Miz
2. Alex Riley
3. R-Truth
4. Cody Rhodes
5. Justin Gabriel
6. Primo
7. Mick Foley
8. Ricardo Rodriguez
9. Santino
10. Epico
11. Kofi Kingston
12. Jerry “The King” Lawler
13. Ezekiel Jackson
14. Jinder Mahal
15. The Great Khali
16. Hunico
17. Booker T
18. Dolph Ziggler
19. Jim Duggan
20. Michael Cole
21. Kharma
22. Sheamus
23. Road Dogg
24. Jey Uso
25. Jack Swagger
26. Wade Barrett
27. David Otunga
28. Randy Orton
29. Chris Jericho
30. The Big Show

Order of Elimination
1. Alex Riley
2. R-Truth
3. Primo
4. Justin Gabriel
5. Ricardo Rodriguez
6. Epico
7. Santino
8. Mick Foley
9. Jerry “The King” Lawler
10. Jinder Mahal
11. Ezekiel Jackson
12. Jim Duggan
13. Booker T
14. The Great Khali
15. Michael Cole
16. Hunico
17. Kharma
18. Kofi Kingston
19. Road Dogg
20. Jey Uso
21. Wade Barrett
22. David Otunga
23. Jack Swagger
24. The Miz
25. Cody Rhodes
26. Dolph Ziggler
27. Big Show
28. Randy Orton
29. Chris Jericho