411’s WWE WrestleMania 28 Report 04.01.12

We are LIVE in beautiful Miami, Florida.

Primo, Kidd, and and Jey Uso start the match. Kidd gest a quick roll-up for two. Primo traps Jey in the corner and works him over. Kidd makes his presence felt but eats a DDT from Kidd. Primo takes Jey up top and goes for a superplex, but Kidd springboards off the top rope to set up a powerbomb / superplex Tower of Doom spot. Nice. Jimmy Uso and Epico get the tags, but Kidd can’t make the tag to Gabriel. Jimmy works over Epico as Gabriel finally gets the tag from Kidd. Gabriel whips Jimmy to the ropes, but Jey makes the blind tag. Epico and Gabriel are down in opposite corners, and Jimmy and Jey hit stereo butt bumps. Jimmy launches Epico over the top rope and onto Primo. Jey flies from the top turnbuckle and takes out Primo and Epico on the outside. Jimmy and Kidd are on the ring apron, but Jimmy launches Kidd off the apron and into a Samoan Drop from Jey on the outside. Gabriel heads to the apron and takes out all five men with a top rope Asai Moonsault. All six men are down on the outside, but Epico, Jimmy, and Gabriel finally head back into the ring. Gabriel goes for the 450 Splash on Epico, but Epico gets his knees up. Jimmy connects with a top rope splash to Gabriel and goes for the cover, but Epico pull him off and hits him with the Backstabber for the three count.
Match Result: Epico defeats Jimmy Uso with the Backstabber.
Match Length: 5:03

Matt Striker announces that the opening match of the show will be the World Heavyweight Championship Match between Daniel Bryan and Sheamus.

Bryan gets his traditional pre-match kiss from AJ, turns around… and promptly eats a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Sheamus goes for the cover, gets the three count, and becomes the NEW World Heavyweight Champion.

Match Result: Sheamus defeats Daniel Bryan with the Brogue Kick.
Match Length: 0:18

Team Johnny is in the locker room preparing for their match. John Laurinaitis inspires them by telling them that by winning tonight, they will be creating a moment in WWE history. They will become part of the elite. Tonight will become known as the night at John Laurinaitis became the General Manager of both Raw and Smackdown.

Orton goes to work on Kane and beats him into the corner. Orton stomps on Kane, so Kane rolls to the ring apron to create some distance. Orton goes for his patented rope-assisted DDT, but Kane slides through and tosses Orton onto the ropes. Kane connects with a Big Boot and gest a two count. Kane whips Orton to the mat and lands a basement drop kick to Orton’s skull for another two count. Kane locks in a rear chin lock, but Orton fights back to his feet. Orton and Kane slug it out in the middle of the ring, but Kane connect with a right that drops Orton for yet another two count. Kane hits a side slam for another two count. Kane wrenches on Orton’s neck, but Orton slowly regains his vertical base. Kane flights Orton onto the corner and follows up with a delayed vertical suplex in the middle ring for a two count. Kane has been in control for almost the entire match, and he presses his advantage by going right back to the rear chin lock. Orton again fights back to his feet, Kane goes for another vertical suplex, but Orton floats over and lands on his feet. Orton hits a clothesline and follows up with a power slam. Orton whips Kane to the corner, and Kane posts his shoulder. Orton hits the rope-assisted DDT and sets up for the RKO. Orton goes for the RKO, but Kane counters into a Big Boot for a two count. Kane heads up top and flies, but Orton connects with a drop kick to the ribs in mid-air. Orton sets up for the Skull Punt, but Kane catches him with a Choke Slam for a LONG two count. Both men get back to their feet, but Kane pounds on Orton in the corner. Orton fights back and goes for a quick RKO, but Kane again pushes Orton to the corner. Orton catches Kane with a drop toe hold and then takes him up to the top turnbuckle. Orton pounds on Kane up top and set up for a Super RKO, but Kane counters into a Super Choke Slam from the top rope for the three count.

Match Result: Kane defeats Randy Orton with a Super Choke Slam from the top rope.
Match Length: 10:58

Santino, Mick Foley, and Captain Keith from Deadliest Catch are eating crab in the back. Hilarity ensues until Ron Simmons shows up to proclaim, “DAMN!”

Rhodes immediately heads to the outside to avoid Show, but Show gives chase and tosses Rhodes back into the ring. Show beats Rhodes from corner to corner and then launches him half way across the ring. Show traps Rhodes in the corner and connects with a thunderous chop. Show lands a shot to the gut and follows up with another thunderous chop. Rhodes slumps down to the mat, and Show buries Rhodes’ face in his hindquarters. Rhodes finally takes control and beats Show down to the mat for a two count. Rhodes goes to work on the knee and thigh so that Show will have trouble getting back to his feet. Rhodes continues to wrench on Show’s knee and then stomps on his face a few times. Rhodes goes for a boot the skull, but Show catches Rhodes’ boot and shoves him down to the mat. Show takes Rhodes up top and goes for a choke slam, but Rhodes drops to the outside and wrenches Show’s arm over the top rope. Rhodes hits a Disaster Kick that drops Show. Rhodes goes for another Disaster Kick, but Show spears him in mid-air. Show waits for Rhodes to get back to his feet, hits the Weapon of Mass Destruction, and gets the three count.

Match Result: Big Show defeats Cody Rhodes with the Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Match Length: 5:19

Kelly and Eve start, and Kelly slides through Eve’s legs for a quick takedown. Eve whips Kelly to the corner and goes for a clothesline, but Kelly evades and goes for a handspring back elbow shot, but Eve gets her knees up. Eve goes up top and goes for a moonsault, but Kelly knocks her off the top. Maria gets the tag, and Kelly and Maria hits Eve with a double stink face. Eve regains control and takes Maria down to the mat. Eve locks in a body scissors to work over Maria’s injured ribs. Eve makes the tag to Beth, and Beth kicks Maria in the ribs. Beth locks in a side bear hug and continues to work over Maria’s injured ribs. Beth mounts Maria and goes to work with mounted punches. Beth stomps on Maria’s ribs and makes the tag to Eve. Eve goes for the booty poppin’ standing moonsault, but Maria kicks Eve out of the ring and crawls toward Kelly. Eve makes the tag to Beth, but Maria just manages to make the tag to Kelly. Kelly hits Beth with a head scissors takedown into the corner and follows up with a neck breaker. Kelly heads up top and connects with a somersault senton. That actually was pretty impressive. Eve rushes the ring and makes the save, and that allows Beth to set up for the Glam Slam, but Kelly counters into a high bulldog. Kelly makes the tag to Maria, and Maria heads up top. Beth pulls Maria off the top and goes for a guerrilla press slam, but Kelly makes the save from behind. Beth gets pushes into Eve and knocks Eve off the ring apron. Maria catches Beth on the rebound and gets a quick roll-up pin for the three count.

Match Result: Maria Menounos defeats Beth Phoenix with a roll-up pin.
Match Length: 6:22

Jim Ross makes his way to ringside to call this match. That has to mean… something. Taker is sporting a short mohawk tonight, sort of Chuck Liddell style. Triple H and Taker slug it out right from the start, but Taker takes control and beats Triple H into the corner. Taker tosses Triple H to the outside and follows him, but Triple H whips Taker into the cage wall. Taker fights back by whipping Triple H to the cage wall and catching him with a big back body drop on the rebound. Taker beats Triple H down to the ground with a vicious series of head butts. Taker slams Triple H face-first into the cage. Michaels tries to check on Triple H, but Taker shoves him away. Taker whips Triple H into the ring steps as Michaels glares at him from inside the ring. Taker rolls Triple H back into the ring, but Triple H whips him to the ropes and catches him with a big right hand. Triple H lands a facebuster, but Taker no-sells and drops Triple H with a clothesline. Taker goes for Old School and connects. Taker again tosses Triple H to the outside, follows him, and grabs the steps. Taker rams the steps into Triple H’s head and then slides the base of the steps into the ring. Triple H rolls onto the ring apron, but Taker connects with a big boot to the skull. Taker hits his patented apron leg drop and heads back into the ring. Both men are finally back in the ring, and Triple H catches Taker with a DDT. Triple H rams Taker’s head into the ring steps that Taker put in the ring. Triple H goes for the Pedigree on the steps, but Taker counters into a back body drop off the steps. Taker slams Triple H’s head onto the steps and goes for a Big Boot, but Triple H counters into a Double A spinebuster onto the steps. Triple H heads for Taker, but Taker catches him in the Hell’s Gate. Triple H powers up and counters into a powerbomb for a two count. Triple H heads to the outside and retrieves two steel chairs from under the ring. Triple H heads back into the ring with stairs and drives one of them into Taker’s gut. Triple H sets up the steps in the corner and rams Taker into them. Triple H tosses the steps to the outside, so right now the only weapons in the ring are the two steel chairs. Triple H connects with a chair shot to the back and beats Taker mercilessly. Michaels implores Triple H to just go for the pin, but Triple H continues to destroy Taker with the chair. Triple H drives the edge of the chair into Taker’s head and neck, and Michaels again begs Triple H to just go for the cover. Michaels checks on Taker, but Triple H shoves him aside and again beats him with the chair. Triple H tells Michaels to stop the match if he wants the brutality to stop, but Taker begs Michaels not to stop the match. Triple H finally goes for the cover, but Undertaker miraculously kicks out at two. Triple H continues to yell at Michaels, telling him to end it or Triple H will. Triple H retrieves a sledgehammer from under the ring and tells Michaels that he’s ending this, one way or the other. “End it, or I will!” Michaels begs Taker to let him ring the bell, but Taker refuses to quit. Triple H connects with a sledgehammer shot to Taker’s head and goes for the cover, but again Taker kicks out at two. Triple H sets up for a full sledgehammer swing at Taker’s head, but Michaels rips the sledgehammer out of Triple H’s hands. Triple H commands Michaels to end the match, but Michaels just can’t bring himself to do it. Michaels again checks on Taker, but Taker catches him in Hell’s Gate. Taker has the Hell’s Gate sunk in tight on Michaels, so Triple H saves his friend with a sledgehammer shot to Taker’s head. That breaks the hold, but Michaels is out cold. Triple H checks on Michaels before turning his attention back to Taker, but Taker catches Triple H in the Hell’s Gate. Triple H appears to be unconscious, but so is Michaels. Charles Robinson runs down the ramp and tries to get into the cage, but it’s locked. Robinson finally unlocks the cage and heads inside as Taker hits Triple H with a choke slam for a two count. Taker is furious that he didn’t get the three count, so he choke slams Charles Robinson. Taker goes for the Tombstone on Triple H… BUT MICHAELS HITS TAKER WITH SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Triple H connects with the Pedigree on Taker, but Michaels can only get to a count of two before Taker kicks out. Triple H grabs the sledgehammer again and tosses Michaels over the top rope and to the outside. Taker sits up, springs to his feet, and levels Triple H with a big boot. Taker connects with a clothesline in the corner and hits Snake Eyes. Taker drops Triple H with another big boot and follows up with a leg drop. Taker hits the Tombstone, Michaels slides back in the ring and starts the count… BUT TRIPLE H KICKS OUT! Michaels is a complete emotional wreck right now. He’s huddled in the corner crying and gently rocking. Triple H catches Taker with a head butt, and they slug it out on their knees in the middle of the ring. The make it to their feet and trade punches. Triple H takes control and hits another Pedigree… BUT AGAIN TAKER KICKS OUT! Taker has now kicked out of two Pedigrees. Michaels looks like his soul has been ripped from him. Taker sits up, but Triple H crawls toward the sledgehammer. Taker grabs a chair and steps on the sledgehammer. Taker beats Triple H with the chair over and over and over again. The Undertaker is beating Triple H just like Triple H beat him earlier in the match. Triple H tries to use the ropes to climb to his feet, but Taker again connects with a chair shot to the gut. Michaels begs Taker to have mercy, so Taker goes for the cover… BUT TRIPLE H KICKS OUT! Triple H grabs the sledgehammer and slowly climbs to his feet. Triple H lunges at Taker with the Sledgehammer, but Taker catches him and rips the sledgehammer out of his hands. Taker holds the sledgehammer and stares at Triple H. Triple H knows he’s beaten, so he crotch chops and eats a sledgehammer shot from Taker. Taker stares at the fallen Triple H and drops the straps. Triple H uses Taker to pull himself up, just like Michaels did two years ago. Taker hits Triple Hi with the Tombstone and FINALLY gets the three count. The Streak moves to 20-0.

Match Result: The Undertaker defeats Triple H with the Tombstone.
Match Length: 30:47

After the match, Michaels offers his hand to Taker and helps him to his feet. Michaels and Taker embrace, and Michaels raises Taker’s hand in victory. Taker braces himself on the ropes as Michaels checks on Triple H, who has yet to move. Taker and Michaels drag Triple H back to his feet and both help him out of the ring. Michaels and Taker stand on either side of Triple H and ever so slowly help him back up the ramp. All three men stand at the top of the stage and embrace in a moment that seems eerily reminiscent of the 1996 Curtain Call. 20-0.

The WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2012 is then introduced. RIC FLAIR IS AT WRESTLEMANIA! Also, Tully Blanchard looks great. He seriously looks like he could wrestle a match right now. Mike Tyson does the DX crotch chop as his name is introduced.

Josh Mathews tries to interview Flo Rida, but Heath Slater interrupts and tries to weasel his way into Flo Rida’s act later in the show. Heath continues to be annoying as hell, so Flo Rida shoves him – HARD – into a wall. Flo Rida’s entourage leads him away as Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks check on Slater.

Yes, pretty much half the roster is involved in this match. Kingston and Ziggler start, and Kingston catches Ziggler with a splash out of the corner. R-Truth gets the tag, but Ziggler catches him with a standing drop kick. McIntyre gets the tag, but Truth hits the ropes and drops him with a corkscrew back elbow shot. Khali gets the tag and chops on McIntyre in the corner. Booker T gets the tag and works over McIntyre in the corner. Booker lands a kick McIntyre’s face, but McIntyre regains control with a volley of punches. Otunga lands a cheap shot from behind, and that gives McIntyre the chance to drop Booker with a boot to the skull. Swagger gets the tag and continues to isolate Booker before making the tag to Mark Henry. Henry gives Booker a scoop slam and then tosses him to the wolves in his corner. Miz gets the tag, and it’s probably worth noting that the crowd is DEAD for this match. Miz locks in a rear chin lock, but Booker regains control with a suplex. Ziggler gets the tag and drops on elbow on Booker. Booker is definitely in face-in-peril mode right now. Miz gets the tag and goes back to the rear chin lock. Team Teddy chants for Booker, and that gives Booker the strength he needs to break the hold. Mark Henry rushes the ring and levels Booker, but Khali comes in and chops Henry down to the mat. The faces sends the heels to the outside and then toss Hornswoggle onto them. Henry catches Hornswoggle and easily tosses him aside, but that gives Kingston and Ryder a chance to fly over the top rope and take out Team Johnny. We get a catfight at ringside, but back in the ring Booker finally makes the tag to Santino. Santino lands top rope head butt to Miz and hits the Cobra, but Ziggler makes the save before the three count. Ryder gets the tag from Santino and goes after both Miz and Ziggler. Ryder goes for the Rough Ryder of Miz, but Miz tosses him over so that he hits the Rough Ryder on Ziggler. Ryder sets up for the corner kick to Miz, and Eve joins him in the ring for a Woo! Woo! Woo! The referee pulls Eve out of the ring, but that distracts Ryder long enough for Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale and get the three count.

Match Result: The Miz defeats Zack Ryder with the Skull Crushing Finale.
Match Length: 10:32

Team Johnny makes their way up the ramp as Eve checks on Ryder while the rest of Team Teddy stands around looking bewildered. Ryder gets to his feet and tries to make sense of what just happened. Should he forgive Eve? Is she really the one true love of his life? Ryder doesn’t know what to do or what to think, so Eve makes the decision for him by kicking him in the nuts. HARD. That woman is just bad news.

The newly omnipotent John Laurinaitis sees CM Punk backstage and informs him that if he loses his temper and gets disqualified in the title match, then he will lose his WWE Championship to Chris Jericho.

Punk and Jericho chain wrestle to start, but Punk quickly traps Jericho in the corner and goes to work with a volley of knees to the head. Punk is careful to grant a clean break at 4 so as not to get disqualified. Jericho slaps Punk across the face, so Punk loses control and beats Jericho senseless in the corner. Punk barely manages to remember to break before the count of 5 to prevent being disqualified. Jericho ask Punk how his father is doing, so Punk drags Jericho to the middle of the ring and goes to work with the MMA elbows. Punk heads up top and sets up for the Macho Man elbow drop, but Jericho slides to the outside, so Punk flies off the top to the outside and connects with clothesline. Jericho slides back into the ring, but Punk grabs a chair and follows him. Jericho taunts Punk about his father and daughter, and Punk barely manages to resist the urge to hit Jericho with the chair. Jericho finally takes control, sets up for a suplex to the outside, and ACTUALLY DOES IT! We see that move teased all the time, but we hardly ever see it done. Jericho rolls Punk back into the ring, lands a knee to the head, and gets a two count. Punk heads up top, but Jericho pulls him back down to the ring hard and gets a two count. Jericho goes for a clothesline, but Punk ducks and connects with a volley of kicks. Punk connects with a knee to the chin and a neck breaker for a two count. Punk and Jericho climb to their feet in opposite corners. Punk hits his trademark running knee in the corner, but Jericho counters the bulldog into a Lionsault. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Punk rolls through to escape. Punk scoop slams Jericho, heads up top, and goes for the Macho Man Elbow Drop, but Jericho gets his knees up. Jericho hits the Code Breaker, but Punk’s momentum sends him all the way out of the ring. Jericho heads to the outside and rolls Punk back into the ring. Punk catches Jericho with the Go To Sleep, but Jericho just manages to get a foot on the ropes to stop the count. Punk goes for a suplex, but Jericho floats over and lands on his feet. Jericho drops Punk on the top rope, waits for him to bounce back to the mat, and hits a second Lionsault for a two count. Jericho heads up top, but Punk chops him hard across the chest. Punk continues to chop Jericho up top before heading up top himself. Punk goes for a top rope hurricanrana, but Jericho catches Punk and leaps down into the Walls of Jericho. The crowd suddenly just came alive. Punk valiantly crawls toward the ropes and finally manages to break the hold. Jericho charges at Punk, but Punk back body drops Jericho over the top rope and down to the floor. Punk waits for Jericho to get to his feet on the outside and connects with a suicide dive. Punk rolls Jericho back into the ring and goes for a springboard clothesline, but Jericho catches Punk in mid-air with a second Code Breaker. Jericho goes for the cover but only gets a two count before Punk kicks out. Jericho goes in close and talks trash to Punk, but Punk damn nears catches him with a Go To Sleep. Jericho kicks Punk in the ribs and heads up top, but Punk catches him with a kick to the kidneys. Punk lifts Jericho off the ropes, carries him back to the middle of the ring, and goes for the Go To Sleep, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho in the middle of the ring. Punk almost makes it to the ropes, but Jericho drags him back to the middle of the ring. Punk finally counters into a roll-up, and we trade near falls until Punk finds the Anaconda Vice. Jericho rolls Punk onto his shoulders, but Punk rolls back into a safe position. Jericho is still in the Anaconda Vice, but Jericho breaks the hold with knees to the back of the head and goes right into the Walls of Jericho. Punk reverses back into the Anaconda Vice, and Jericho has no choice but to tap.

Match Result: CM Punk defeats Chris Jericho with the Anaconda Vice.
Match Length: 22:23

SOMEBODY CALL MY MOMMA! THE FUNKASAURUS IS AT WRESTLEMANIA! Brodus tells everyone to take out their cell phones and call their mommas. He calls his momma, and it turns out she’s here at the show with her bridge club. Momma Clay and the Bridge Club come out and dance on the stage with Brodus Clay. Somewhere, Shelton Benjamin is so glad he doesn’t work for this company anymore.

Cena and Rock lock up to start, and Cena shoves Rock to the corner. They lock up again, but this time it’s Rock that shoves Cena to the corner. Rock locks in the side headlock, but Cena reverses into an arm wringer. Rock flips out, kips out, and takes Cena down with an arm drag. Rock catches Cena with an Oklahoma Roll for a two count. Rock runs the ropes, Cena leap frogs, and Cena hits Rock with a side headlock takedown. Cena keeps the headlock cinches in on the mat, but Rock fights back to his feet. Rock breaks the hold and lands a single punch to Cena. Cena charges Rock, but Rock almost locks in the Sharpshooter. Cena rolls out of the ring and takes a breather on the outside. Cena heads back into the ring and connects with a clothesline in the corner. Cena drops down to the mat and locks in a bear hug on Rock. Rock again fights back to his feet, but Cena low-bridges the top rope and sends Rock to the outside. Cena heads to the outside and sends Rock rib-first into the guard rail. Cena and Rock head back into the ring, and Cena is clearly targeting Rock’s ribs. Cena locks in a bear hug and continues to work on the ribs. Rock finally breaks the hold and goes for the People’s Elbow, but Cena picks the ankle and drops Rock. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and waits for Rock to get back to his feet. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Rock floats over, and both men hit simultaneous clotheslines. Cena and Rock are both down, but they get back to their feet before the referee makes it to 10. They slug it out in the middle of the ring, but Cena catches Rock with the Attitude Adjustment for a long two count. Cena begins to drag Rock back to his feet, but Rock counters with a Rock Bottom for a long two count of his own. Rock traps Cena in the corner and beats him silly, but Cena sneaks out of the corner and finds a side slam for a two count. Cena heads up top, waits for Rock to get back to his feet, and lands a huge diving leg drop for another two count. Cena goes for another Attitude Adjustment, but Rock grabs the top rope to block. Rock locks in the Sharpshooter, but Cena makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Rock locks in the Sharpshooter for a second time, but Cena again makes it to the ropes. Rock and Cena head to the outside, and Rock sends Cena into the steps. Rock heads back into the ring, but Cena climbs onto the ring apron and dives over the top rope to catches Rock with a sunset flip for a two count. Cena locks in the STF, but Rock slowly claws his way toward the ropes, so Cena drags Rock back to the middle of the ring and reapplies the hold. Rock looks to be out, so the referee checks the arm once… twice… NO! THE ROCK LIVES! How many years has it been since we’ve seen that spot? Anyway, Cena charges Rock, but Rock catches him with a Samoan Drop. Both men get back to their feet, but Rock hits the spinebuster and connects with the People’s Elbow for a two count. Rock drags Cena to his feet, but Cena finds a quick roll-up for a two count. Cena catapults Rock to the corner and catches him on the rebound with another roll-up for another two count. Cena drags Rock back to his feet and takes him up top. Rock goes to work with gut shots up top and knocks Cena back down to the mat. Rock comes off the top rope with a huge splash, but Cena rolls through and lifts Rock up into an Attitude Adjustment for a LONG two count. Cena gets back to his feet and sets up for the People’s Elbow, BUT ROCK SPRINGS UP AND CATCHES CENA WITH THE ROCK BOTTOM FOR THE THREE COUNT!

Match Result: The Rock defeats John Cena with the Rock Bottom.
Match Length: 25:00ish (my stopwatch malfunctioned)

What Did You Think of WrestleMania 28?