Sunday Night Fury – WWE Wrestlemania 28

Undertaker, Triple H and The Rock boss Wrestlemania. What year is this?

I know everyone and their uncle has already had their say about Wrestlemania and I doubt my opinions will be a mile off but I’m watching the show anyway so here’s the review.

Before we start out, you can follow me on Twitter @arnoldfurious. Also, the 1PW book is out in about a month. Just in the process of proofing the last chapter. There’s a group on facebook for it and everything. I’ll be sure to plug it as soon as its released.

1st April 2012.

We’re in Miami, Florida. I start out by skipping Lillian Garcia singing America the Beautiful. No offence, love, but I don’t dig patriotism from a global company. Its not like Coca Cola shoves its Americanness down everyone’s throats, just its sugary sweet taste. Hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler. Part of me is relieved it’s a 2-man team, as that’s the best way of doing things, but part of me misses Booker T, who’s been a goldmine recently.

World title: Daniel Bryan (c) v Sheamus

I was actually a bit worried about this one. I thought they might not click and the match might suck or even worse be a total non-event. The WWE opts to take that decision away from them and have Sheamus win with a Brogue Kick in 18 seconds. N/R. I think the WWE may have slightly misjudged how over Bryan was going to be as the crowd reacted loudly to him. Oh well, I’m sure Bryan will get another run down the line. Sheamus needed to go over. The Rumble was getting to be a bit of a non-event because of how crowded ‘Mania gets. It’s the quickest title victory for the world title, ever. Note that’d be the “world” title not world titles in general.

BACKSTAGE The Miz gets Team Johnny to pull together, which is handy for the WWE because it drowns out the “bullshit” chant regarding the last match. Johnny Ace gives his team a pep talk. As I’ve said before Laurinaitis has grown into his role and is now a worthwhile onscreen personality. Plus authority figures need to be mostly heel. What I’m saying is I agree with the WWE’s call to give him total control over both ‘brands’. Essentially making him the commissioner.

Kane v Randy Orton

I make no secret about disliking both men in the ring. I think Kane’s best days are behind him while Orton’s in-ring doesn’t do much for me unless he’s working someone better. One thing Kane has going for him is that since he’s got back under the mask he’s regained some of the presence he’d been lacking. It helps him that he’s dropped some muscle recently too. He had been lacking in mobility. As soon as we get underway the crowd gets a rousing and LOUD “Daniel Bryan” chant going. Message received, WWE? Randy immediately pisses me off by doing the Garvin Stomp. Kane responds with a chinlock. Wrestlemania, baby! Maybe its just that standards have gotten to such a high level on major shows but a rest hold in a ten minute match on the biggest show of the year doesn’t feel at all right. In a longer match, sure. I get further irritated by them setting up an obvious lazy pin reversal spot only to settle on a lazier kick out. The only good thing about Kane’s obsession with the chinlock is that Orton used to be criticised for doing the same so turnabout is fair play and it clearly defines the heel/face alignment. One of Orton’s dumbest spots is his insistence at using a DDT off the ropes as a transitional move. IN THE WWE! It’s a finish or a near fall, at least, in every promotion, everywhere. And the WWE deliberately focuses on not killing big moves (most of the time) so it just strikes me as stupidity and I’m surprised they’ve not told him to stop doing it yet. Or at least make it mean more. Beat some jobbers with it, use it as a near fall or something. Orton tries for the punt but runs into a chokeslam. That’s good stuff but Orton kicks out. It is Wrestlemania. Which is why I hate those chinlocks so much. I like Kane countering the RKO because he’s big and strong and it shouldn’t be that easy to hit on a big man. Orton considers a super RKO but spends too long looking into the crowd, like a spaz, and gets chokeslammed off the top for the loss. Good. **. They had the finish and near falls worked out fine and if the rest of the match had that structure it might have been quite good. Unfortunately they relied on Orton’s weird choice of moves and Kane’s rest holds.

BACKSTAGE Santino Marella & Mick Foley plug the Deadliest Catch. After Santino gives a crab the Cobra, Ron Simmons shows up for the punchline. DAMN, indeed.

IC title – Cody Rhodes (c) v The Big Show

I was honestly sceptical when Cody tried to break out in singles and I never saw him getting over like he has done. I mean, shit, look at Ted DiBiase. They were both at the same level and now Ted is a jobber and people are talking ‘main event’ about Cody. Deservedly so. He’s gotten himself over with both his personality and his in-ring and has improved in almost every area since Legacy broke up. Its been a strong angle leading up to this match with poor Show getting exposed as a ‘Mania choke artist. Which he is. And I’m sure Show is disappointed he’s never got it done at the very highest level. He’s never had a world title run as memorable as his first one, which wasn’t all that great, and he’s never dominated like he should have done. We can put some of that down to bad attitude and weight problems but Show is a talent and he’s underperformed over the years. It’s the wrong era for him, really. Had he been wrestling, exactly like this, in 1984 he’d have been on a par with anyone. The story of the match is one of Cody being unable to live with Show’s power, which gets him a degree of smarkish sympathy. Show’s flaws, storyline, come from his overconfidence. While he should be confident, he often gets carried away and doesn’t finish his opponents quickly enough. That’s what happens here. He misses into the corner, mugging for the crowd, and Cody is able to take the leg. Cody works a smart match and when Show tries big spots he’s able to counter using his environment. However he goes to the well one time too many with the Disaster Kick, gets punched in the head and pinned. Show takes the IC title and, perhaps more importantly to him, his Wrestlemania moment. **1/2. They kept it simple and the match benefitted. Cody is a smart worker but he’s not smart enough to work his way around a man of Show’s size…yet. When he’s got the skillset to do that; that’s when he’ll be WWE title material. I can see him taking shots very soon but he’s not championship material just yet. The best thing about this finish is the massive smile you see on Show’s face. He deserved his moment.

Hang on, is that a K-Mart advert? I thought the point of PPV was that you paid to watch something with no adverts. That’s the whole gimmick. That’s why there’s always been corporate sponsorship because they didn’t have the temerity to run adverts on a PPV. The way I see it, K-Mart now owe me money.

Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres v Kelly Kelly/Maria Menounos

Here’s some dream booking; Beth lariats both faces and then Glam Slams them in turn to win. That’s the whole match. But then I also wanted Ron Bass & Albert to get a major WWF pushes so, I guess I don’t always get what I want and my dreams are perhaps not in line with the WWE Universe’s. Nor Vince McMahon’s. To the match then; everybody but Beth sucks. Beth makes me laugh by kicking Maria in the temple while she’s, erm, doing something. Crowd, and I love them for this, loudly chant “Daniel Bryan” again. The work becomes such a bumbling mess that I really start feeling bad for Beth because of how much ass she’s having to show. Kelly managing to counter the Glam Slam into a bulldog is the best wrestling in the match and even then Beth is basically just doing the whole thing herself. Maria Menounos climbs turnbuckles like old people fuck. Somehow this leads to a roll up and Maria pins Beth. Urgh. Why not just put her over Eve? Well, its clear by this point that the WWE doesn’t give a fuck about the women’s division but some people do. Book it for them. Instead of booking shit that everybody hates. ¼*. Beth-Kelly might have been ok. The other two dragged everything good they did down. I’m still not sure who Maria Menounos is and why putting her over Beth is going to make money. At least Snooki had heat.

BACKSTAGE Matt Striker has Shawn Michaels. Being retired has been good to him. He looks like he hasn’t aged. He’s still orange though. Lay off the fake tan, mate. He makes a suggestion that he might fast count Undertaker down because he retired him. Back out front attendance is 78,000. I hate Cole’s logic that the show outdrew superbowls and concerts as the ring doesn’t take up as much space as those things so obviously they can fit more fans in. Out comes Jim Ross to join the commentary team. He’s sporting a Dean Ayass beard. You see, when people go away for a while they come back looking different.

Hell in a Cell: Triple H v Undertaker

Shawn Michaels is the special referee. Of all the guys to actually stick to a retirement stipulation it had to be the best wrestler in the company. There have been times over the years where I’ve disliked, even hated, both HHH & Taker and they probably deserved it. HHH had more than a slight obsession with holding onto the belt and being a mark for himself. Taker has had more shitty matches than you’ve had hot dinners. But with both men nearing the end of their careers I think its time to reflect on all the good they’ve done over the years. And its remarkable the condition they’re in considering their age & careers. When he does retire one thing I won’t fucking miss is Undertaker’s ridiculously long entrance. Taker’s entrance is so long, he’s actually gone bald since his music started playing. There are question marks over Taker’s conditioning, seeing as he’s not worked a match in a year. In the opening exchanges he looks fine and it quickly settles into the Attitude standard brawl. They don’t need to do much because the crowd will react to a few punches and credit to Miami, they’re creating a wonderful atmosphere. The thing that first grabs me about this match is that HBK & Taker had the first Hell in a Cell and it was a belter. Legitimate ***** awesomeness including an amazing flying bladejob from Shawn. Like in that match Taker dominates although HHH is less of a bumping maniac than his DX running mate. Shawn made Taker’s domination fun while HHH is a bit too old to do the same. I sense HHH is desperate to get some colour on this to differentiate it from last year but I guess the WWE don’t let him do that anymore (if the blood over his eye was a gig then its an awesome one). HHH knows his match structure and they build up slowly to bigger spots and select the ring steps first. And make the point of teasing a big spot rather than delivering and having a silly kick out. The Pedigree would obviously finish so they switch to the spinebuster although Taker ignores it and goes for Hell’s Gate. HHH niftily powerbombs out of it for the first near fall. Already they’re making big spots mean something, which makes this different to certain matches where they go from spot to spot without them meaning anything. HHH goes to chairs next, which increases the momentum of evilness. You have to admire Taker for feeding HHH the back and eating up those chair shots like he’s a young man with a healthy spine. HHH takes advantage like an absolute dick but that’s what it takes to finish the streak! Taker’s commands to Shawn of “don’t stop it” are brilliantly in character as are HHH’s yells of “stay down” echoing last year. HHH seems intent on upping the ante until HBK is forced into stopping the match. It’s a great storyline because they all respect each other but this is beyond that now. HHH using the sledgehammer provokes another dramatic kick out. Love the camera work in the cell as they move with the impact of the big moves. Its cinematic. Shawn is really between a rock and hard place. You can see his dilemma because as a former worker he knows the Undertaker doesn’t want to quit and the fans don’t want to see the ref call it. Because Shawn puts himself in that position Taker gives him Hell’s Gate by mistake. It’s a nice spot because Shawn, having been out for 2 years, can’t defend himself. Hell’s Gate on HHH, which was last year’s finish and he even grabs the hammer like last year and can’t use it. Then he tries the powerbomb from earlier, and can’t get it, thus meaning he passes out. But Shawn is still out from Taker putting Hell’s Gate on him. THE MATCH MUST GO ON!

With the ref down Charles Robinson takes this opportunity to run in just as Taker hits the chokeslam…for 2. Taker seems to think Chuck screwed him on the count and chokeslams him too. They’ve built this so smartly because the crowd are chanting that “this is awesome” but all they’ve really done is a bunch of chair shots and two submission spots. Shawn pops back up and SUPERKICKS Taker, blaming him for the submission, PEDIGREE and Taker kicks out with Shawn left distraught. He not only did the wrong thing but it didn’t even make a difference. Not only THAT he STILL can’t beat the Undertaker. When Taker zombie sits up it totally freaks HHH and understandably so. HHH had this match won, twice. And Taker just won’t die. TOMBSTONE and Shawn rolls over to count…2. Honestly, they could have just gone ahead and finished it there. Yeah, they’ve done very little but its meant the world. Now Shawn is broken. Just sitting in the corner, totally freaked and assuming someone is now going to get badly hurt for this to end and he doesn’t want to see that. As they slug it out, I think about what a smart work this is. Without doing anything complicated they have the crowd in the palm of their hands. But it helps they’ve spent the previous 20 years each (little less for Hunter) busting their asses for this crowd. Taker stepping on the sledgehammer is a fantastic visual, one of the best of the match. His little head shake signifying that HHH won’t be getting this his own way anymore. Shawn makes the same appeal to Taker that he made to HHH; don’t hurt him anymore. But much like HHH gave Taker no mercy, Taker wails on HHH with a chair. It’s a receipt, Shawn! By this point HHH has no quit in him but his energy is gone. Taker isn’t a normal man, according to gimmick, so he can survive shit like this. HHH only has so much in the tank. TOMBSTONE. 20-0. ****1/4. I liked this better than last year. The way I see it, they were both weakened so the finishers meant less. In that respect I had no issue with the kickouts. It felt different to last year with less dead spots and better emotion. I know a lot of people liked that match but I thought this was better put together although not as good as either Shawn-Taker bout.

POST MATCH Shawn helps Taker up. They make their peace. Shawn can now see that while Taker retired him, he left nothing in the tank doing so. That gives Shawn peace of mind and now he’s more worried about his friend; HHH. Eventually they buddy up and carry Hunter out of there in the ultimate show of respect.

HALL OF FAME. Ron Simmons, Mil Mascaras, Four Horsemen, Yokozuna, Mike Tyson & Edge go in. Oh, Edge, we lost you to injuries too soon. I think Edge’s abrupt departure from the business has amplified his achievements but shit, he’d have been Hall of Fame bound regardless.

BACKSTAGE Heath Slater tries to crash Flo Rida’s Wrestlemania vibe. Heath’s refusal to be deterred after being shot down with every suggestion makes me chuckle. Shame Flo Rida has no personality or he could end up in an angle.

Team Johnny (The Miz/Mark Henry/Drew McIntyre/Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/David Otunga) v Team Teddy (Kofi Kingston/Great Khali/R-Truth/Zack Ryder/Booker T/Santino Marella)

Gotta love Johnny Ace’s pimp Colonel Sanders outfit. I swear I wrote that before Lawler makes the same gag. They need this as a buffer match. Loads of talent in such a throwaway match. I rate a lot of these guys. Not Otunga, obviously. Ziggler & Kofi are probably my favourite two guys out there and I’m thankful they start with some cool stuff. The crowd is predictably dead after such a huge match beforehand. Does anybody really care who’s running the show? Especially as we all know its just scripted anyway and things rarely ever stay the same in terms of GM’s and onscreen authority figures. The problem with having so many people involved is no one can get into a groove. Its just one of those matches that happens at Wrestlemania sometimes. Get people their pay day. No offence to Khali, Swagger, Drew, Otunga, Booker etc but do they really need to be on the show? Lawler’s bit about how he loves Teddy Long, going as far as calling him his hero, because he might be dating Oksana is gold. Lawler’s girlfriend couldn’t be at Wrestlemania as it’s a school night. I’m very worried that the WWE deliberately set Khali against Mark Henry, as if they’re considering that as a feud, in a battle of the biggest men in this. Something of promise is the team of Kofi & R-Truth though. They have styles that could mesh in a team. And lets face it, the WWE needs all the teams they can get. I’m glad Santino has maintained his overness after going against Daniel Bryan at the last PPV and winning the US title. People genuinely like him. Ryder & Miz is decent too. WWWYKI. Predictably, because he got over without the WWE’s permission, Ryder gets jobbed out. Skull Crushing Finale wins it for Miz & Johnny Ace. *1/2. A bit of a throwaway match. The jury will be out on the ongoing storyline until Ace has had more shows to get his character over. I do agree with the consensus that Teddy Long was played out as a GM. I hope they can find himself something to do instead.

POST MATCH Eve kicks Ryder in the balls to solidify her heel status. Boy, that Zack sure is gullible. Her distraction allowed the finish to go down as it did. I feel bad for Zack because he’s created a great personality for himself the WWE are so reluctant to let him run with it because it had nothing to do with them. That and Zack made a few quasi-shoot comments about booking on his show. They hate that.

Oh, Extreme Rules is in Chicago. Good choice. Always a hot crowd.

BACKSTAGE Johnny Ace takes issue with CM Punk not celebrating his victory. Ace tells him the DQ rule is no longer in effect and if Punk gets disqualified he loses the title.

WWE title: CM Punk (c) v Chris Jericho

The hype for this has been great. I’ve loved the build up but I’m well aware that they won’t be allowed to steal this show. Maybe next month. I used to love Punk on the Indy circuit but what he’s done in the WWE has made me love him all the more. Hell, he’s starting to define this as his era. And to see a guy who’s never been near steroids as WWE champ and their go-to guy is extremely weird. I hope Vince has the courage to see Punk through to his logical conclusion as a main event star. I like that they wrestle here. Really wrestle and counter back and forth on the mat in an MMA style. It shows that this is the Wrestling Main Event. Jericho, knowing the DQ rule is waived, slaps Punk and baits him into a wailing on Jericho in the corner. “Punk, how’s your father?” and Jericho shouts that loud enough for the audience to hear. Punk creates his own fine visuals as he struggles to keep a balance of dishing out revenge and not getting disqualified. Jericho’s facials are magnificent. When he shouts “YOUR FATHER’S A DRUNK, YOUR SISTER’S A DRUG ADDICT” while Punk has a chair in his hands. Its great stuff. Jericho, the master manipulator. They work in some big spots, as if to sell the occasion, around the baiting. In particular Jericho suplexing Punk out of the ring. Everything Jericho did in the early going was to try for the DQ but when Punk found mental strength beyond a normal man Jericho felt the need to switch to working the back. Thus setting up the Walls of Jericho. Even in defensive moves; a satellite backbreaker or yanking Punk off the top to block a rope move. While its psychologically strong, I’m surprised they’ve opted for such a slow pace. Especially after the slow pace/big spot nature of the HHH-Taker match. Punk increases the pace when he’s on offence and it seems like he wants to end this quickly. Perhaps so after the match he can beat on Jericho for the offence he’s caused. I love that Jericho counters the bulldog, because its one of his moves too, and that leads to slick countering over the Walls of Jericho. One of Jericho’s strengths has always been his ability to hit defensive moves and getting the knees up on the Savage Elbow sets up the Codebreaker only for Punk to fall out of the ring. Then with Punk hitting GTS, Jericho gets another defensive move by putting his foot on the rope instead of kicking out. Its all about ring awareness and not wasting energy. Jericho knows where he is at all times. Case in point; he counters and dumps Punk on the ropes to set up the Lionsault. All about positioning and Jericho is the master. It helps that Punk understands everything Jericho is trying to do. Jericho clearly wants to keep himself heel by not using anything too flashy and its working. Punk looks for a super rana, which goes right into the Walls of Jericho and one of the ongoing relationships between Jericho & the fans is they love to see him win. Mainly because of how many jobs he’s done over the years. They always feel he’s due. I blame WCW. Still fucking with booking 11 years after they went out of business. They have another ace up the sleeve as Punk springboards into the Codebreaker, which is how he lost to Orton @ Mania (albeit via RKO). It shows Punk’s desperation that he’d make the same mistake twice and further drills home Jericho’s ability to hit defensive moves. But this Punk is way tougher than the one who jobbed to Orton. He’s more of a survivor now, having swum with sharks in the main event scene. Punk makes another big mistake by shouting “best in the world” before going for the GTS, which leads to counter right into the Walls of Jericho. Great counter, disappointing showboating from Punk. His confidence is perhaps a turn off and I’d say the crowd is more interested in a title change than expected. They work a few nice near falls into the Anaconda Vice back into countering with Jericho getting a world class switch into the Walls of Jericho until Punk uses his educated feet to go back to it. Jericho can’t get the knees to get out like he did the first time because Punk LEARNED from his mistake and Jericho taps out. ****. I was honestly surprised by the way they slowed things down so much and it wasn’t until they started into the world beating counters that the audience really started biting on it being a classic. Good news though as that’s 2 for 2 on big matches with only Rock-Cena to go.

PROMO TIME – Brodus Clay. The Funkasaurus decides to come out and enjoy Wrestlemania. The ladies have special white Wrestlemania gear. Brodus’ momma comes out to dance with the bridge club. Sometimes, just sometimes, an impromptu mass dance happens. Once again though the WWE hasn’t quite realised why the whole thing is over. They like Brodus as the goof but its Cameron & Naomi that really set it off. And I’m not just saying that because they’re fine. Without doing anything but dancing they’ve gotten over their personalities. Its cool. Having Brodus dance with his momma somewhat undermines his persona. Sometimes I swear the WWE doesn’t understand why something gets over.

SHILL the WWE decide to plug the GI Joe sequel starring the Rock and Bruce Willis. Urgh, no thanks.

John Cena v The Rock

This has almost the same atmosphere as Rock-Hogan, which shows you what a star Cena has become. He’s been the face of the WWE for years and I think he’s been a wonderful champ for them. It wasn’t until Punk got to the next level that they could really afford to move him away from the title picture. Rock does the same wrestling bits that he busted out in the tag against Miz & Truth. La Magistral is a nice touch. Rock has ‘still got it’. While he’s not lost anything from his prime I always thought he was a step off the greatest in terms of in-ring work. He used to make a lot of mistakes based on how he rushed through moves. While he certainly doesn’t panic anymore, he’s doing things how he remembers them. Not a major complaint because its not like he blows anything and you could make similar arguments about Cena’s moves. They’re both very similar in the ring. That aggressive smashmouth style drives both of them. They’re both better on the mic than they are in the ring and they’re both capable of having great matches if their opponent is up for it. Also they both have a submission finisher that doesn’t look good. Their aim is to put on an even match to stress that Rock is still strong in the ring. If anything Cena does spots designed to injure Rock and finish him like HHH was doing to Undertaker earlier (although in reality that’s just to give Rock more recovery time). If anything Cena works heel by working spots designed to get the crowd behind the Rock, as if they need an excuse, like the bearhug. Rock, by comparison, uses flashy spots like La Magistral and the DDT. I like that Rock goes for the People’s Elbow too early and therefore gets picked off. Rock shows his lack of stamina by not being able to counter the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He looks tired, the ring rust is there and its not until he’s almost caught in the FU that Rock realises just how much trouble he’s in. Unfortunately this leads to a contradictory double down. Then we get a more sensible spot as Rock’s laying the smackdown leads directly to the FU…for 2. Cena has such great conditioning that it makes sense for him to be able to counter when Rock gives him space and that spit punch gives him too much time. Having done one false finish they go right into the Rock Bottom for 2. I don’t like the trading finishers spot when they’re crammed together like that. One thing it does do is make Cena realise he needs to do something more drastic. He waits for Rock to struggle back to his feet and hits an awesome hang-time Rocker Dropper for 2. Rock gets a nice rope counter out of another FU into a sloppy fucking Sharpshooter. You’d think he’d have learned how to do that move by now. The match has now changed in its structure as Rock is now, by far, the aggressor. Cena couldn’t keep beating him up because he’s too nice but Rock isn’t nice at all. He can be mean and vicious and he is. Cena comes back with a babyface sunset flip into the STRUGGLE SNUGGLE. That’s one sloppy submission each for those keeping score at home. Given the year long build up no one is going to tap out. They really milk the hold for all its worth with Rock breaking out the Old School ‘hand drops two times’ selling. I never really dug that spot but the reaction of the fans says I’m in the minority. Cena’s selling starts bugging me at this point as he’s overselling punches and fatigue compared to the Rock’s approach. Which, while its also inconsistent, is more realistic. He sells hard but then, after having recovery time, comes back again. People’s Elbow gets 2. They’re really shooting for epic by this point and the selling reflects that. It hurts the match a little that HHH-Taker shot for the same epic earlier and hit it more consistently. Rock adds to the atmosphere by going up top, now as desperate as Cena was earlier but Cena rolls through the high crossbody into the FU. Amazing spot that, by all rights, should finish the match. I love Cena questioning his unseeing Gods ala Ultimate Woyah before going for the People’s Elbow and Rock nipping up to hit the Rock Bottom is just about the perfect finish after the previous near fall. The only other way to better it would be something off the top and I think this was the right call. ***1/2. The crowd made the match, much like they made Rock & Hogan, but these guys busted their asses out there. Cena frequently covering for the Rock’s lack of ring conditioning to allow him to go 30 minutes and not expose himself. Given the build this was an ideal main event but I still think HHH-Taker steals the show.

The 411 –