411’s TNA Impact Wrestling Report 1.10.13

Previously on IMPACT Wrestling: Jeff Hardy is declared the 2012 Wrestler of the Year but Austin Aries and Bobby Roode do not approve, leading to the triple threat match announcement for Genesis, Hulk Hogan indefinitely suspends Bully Ray, The Aces and 8’s reach out to Mr. Anderson for help against the returning Sting, and an Aces and 8’s member is unmasked, revealing Mike Knox underneath.

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The pyro goes off in the Impact Zone as Todd Keneley welcomes the home audience. The music of Sting hits and out he comes alongside Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe. They make their way to the ring and Sting grabs a mic. Sting says he has just gotten started, and will be looking for D.O.C. this Sunday. Sting says that he’s feeling a little bit frisky tonight, and says he has brought some close friends with him, calling Angle “Shooter” and Joe “Killer”. Sting cordially invites the Aces and 8’s to “come get some”.

It’s Joe’s turn on the mic and the Impact Zone crowd chants his name. Joe says that last week they may have had him outmanned in the cage match last week but they didn’t have him “outdone”. Joe puts The Aces and 8’s on notice and says that when you get in his face, he’s going to beat you down and choke you out. He hands the mic to Angle, and the Impact Zone proceeds to chant his name. Angle says he made a promise for 2013 to take every mask off of The Aces and 8’s. Angle says this week he wants to expose someone else: Mr. Anderson. Angle says he wants to know where Anderson stands, and calls him out to the ring.

Mr. Anderson obliges and makes his way out to the ring, mic already in hand. He stops short of the ring. Anderson asks the three in the ring where they were when he was getting beaten up by The Aces and 8’s a few months ago. Anderson says that when he was attacked, he was on his way to standing shoulder to shoulder with Sting and he not only left him back there, but he replaced him with Bully Ray. Angle says Anderson’s either with them, or they’re going to fight. Anderson makes his way into the ring and gets right in Angle’s face. Anderson says he doesn’t have to answer to Angle and has never liked him. Angle says “the feeling is mutual” and attacks Anderson. Anderson quickly rolls out of the ring and Angle yells at him as he stalks to the back.

Angle yells “this is not over!” as we cut to the announce table where Keneley is joined by Mike Tenay and Taz. Keneley hits that Angle/Anderson will happen tonight, and Tenay hypes up the Hardy/Storm Vs. Aries/Roode match signed for tonight.

• Segment Thoughts: A better than I expected segment to start off the show. Anderson’s reasons for being upset are perfectly legitimate and it actually gives his character something interesting to chew on. This is also the most motivated Anderson has looked in forever. For obvious reasons.

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Gut Check Video: Jay Bradley

Jay Bradley is the first contestant officially announced for Gut Check tonight. We see a video where he explains his background and tells his opponent Brian Cage that it’s going to be he who wins tonight. I guess Brian Cage is the other contestant tonight. Those of you who live on the Internet already knew that though, probably.

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The camera man/interviewer catches up with Brooke Hogan who says she’s going to air out more dirty laundry tonight. She answers her phone and tells “Mark” that she’s here. Off she goes through a door as we cut to commercial.

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-Commercial Break-

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Zema Ion is already in the ring for the opening contest. His opponent, Kenny King makes his way out next.

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Match #1: Kenny King Vs. Zema Ion [X-Division Tournament Semi-Finals]

King and Ion lock up, and King backs him into the corner. King lays into him with a series of boots. Ion reverses an Irish whip into the corner and floats over to the apron. King catches him with a kick sending him to the floor. King takes to the air and goes for the corkscrew, but Ion moves. King lands on his feet, but Ion hits him with a high-flying move of his own out of nowhere. Ion rolls King back in but gets stunned gunned and dropped with a spinning leg kick for 2. Snap suplex from King into the full mount/strike combo for another 2.

Ion escapes a Fireman’s carry but gets squashed in the corner. Ion ends up on the apron and drops King throat-first on the top rope. Ion hits a DDT upon re-entering the ring for 2. King catches Ion with a knee strike and goes for the Royal Flush, but Ion rolls up King for 2. Ion responds with a face slam for another 2. Ion heads to the top but misses the 450 Splash. King dropkicks Ion into the corner, then picks him for the Royal Flush. King covers him for the 1…2…3.

Winner [via Pinfall]: Kenny King (3:05)

• Match Thoughts: It’s a shame this was so short, as Ion/King have good chemistry together. A fun match. I fully expect King to win the tournament on Sunday and defeat RVD for the X-Division Title.

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Post-Match: Kenny King gets on the mic and says that Christy Hemme will announce him as the new X-Division Champion this Sunday. Tenay announces that Anderson/Angle is officially on for tonight.

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Robbie E and Robbie T are backstage. Robbie E tries to convince Miss Tessmacher to team with him tonight in a mixed tag against Tara and Jessie Godderz. Tessmacher will only do it if she gets to team with Robbie T instead. They walk off, leaving Robbie E to say “bro!” for the 9000th time.

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-Commercial Break-

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We catch up with Joseph Park, who is outside the Impact Zone. He thanks everyone for his support and says that when he meets with Hulk Hogan tonight it won’t be as an attorney…it’ll be as a wrestler. He then attempts to open the door, but it’s locked because comedy!

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TNA Knockouts Champion Tara and her boyfriend Jessie Godderz are in the ring. Out comes Robbie T and Miss Tessmacher along with Robbie E. We see clips from the Bro-Off two weeks ago.

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Match #2: Robbie T & Miss Tessmacher (w/ Robbie E) Vs. Jessie Godderz & *TNA Knockouts Champion* Tara

Robbie T and Godderz start off. Godderz jumps Robbie T from the bell, but he easily overpowers Godderz. Robbie T walks Godderz around the ring before dropping with him a bodyslam. Tara tags in, meaning that Tessmacher has to tag in as well. Tessmacher takes Tara down with two running clotheslines, followed by a flying forearm. Tessmacher whips Tara into the corner then hits an X-Factor from the second rope. Tessmacher finishes it off with a stink-face. Godderz and Robbie T both tag back in. Robbie T grabs Godderz by the throat and throws him into the corner. Robbie T connects with a powerbomb for the 1…2…3.

Winners [via Pinfall]: Robbie T & Miss Tessmacher (1:46)

• Match Thoughts: …Well that was a match that happened. Not much to really say here to be honest. I missed the “Bro-Off” from a few weeks ago so Robbie T’s impending face turn came as a shock.

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Post-Match: Robbie T and Miss Tessmacher celebrate by dancing, ending with Robbie T planting a kiss on Tessmacher, who passes out on the match from the passion. Robbie T exits as Robbie E looks on beside himself.

• Thoughts: …That was actually kind-of awesome. I’m all for Robbie T growing a personality and breaking out from under Robbie E’s shadow. Robbie E is a good performer and owns his gimmick but it’s played out. It’s time to move on.

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Gut Check Contestant: Brian Cage

A video package for Brian Cage plays. He does the usual “wrestler” spiel about how this is his life and such. Cage says tonight he will prove himself to the entire world and says that tonight he will win the contract because he needs it, wants it, and has to have it. We then cut to Cage and Bradley getting ready for their match, which is next!

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-Commercial Break-

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Jay Bradley and Brian Cage are already in the ring. Jeremy Borash introduces both men, saying that both men are wrestling for the chance at a TNA contract and will both face the judges next week.

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Match #3: Brian Cage Vs. Jay Bradley [“Gut Check” Match]

Bradley and Cage lock up, and Bradley backs him into the corner. Clean break by Bradley but a brief shoving match breaks out. Bradley applies a waistlock, Cage reverses into a hammerlock, but Bradley reverses and takes him down with a waistlock. Bradley gets a 2-count then applies a front chancery. Cage reverses into one of his own and rolls him up for 2. Bradley and Cage trade forearms and rights. Bradley wins the shootout but gets caught with a European uppercut as he hits the ropes. Bradley dodges the discus clothesline then drops Cage with a big boot. Bradley pounds on the fallen Cage, but Cage begins fighting back. Bradley grabs Cage and drops him with a scoop slam. Bradley follows it up with a knee drop.

Bradley hits the ropes but Cage catches him with a dropkick that sends him to the apron. Cage climbs to the second rope and hits a springboard suplex to bring Bradley back in. Cage heads to the top rope and hits a spinning elbow drop for the 1…2…kick out. Cage can’t believe it. Cage sets up for discus clothesline, but Bradley ducks and takes Cage down with a massive Lariat (Bradley calls it the “Boomstick”) for the 1…2…3.

Winner [via Pinfall]: Jay Bradley (3:21)

• Match Thoughts: Let me just say this straight up: I am in love with the new Gut Check format. Having two guys vying for a contract wrestle one another makes so much more sense than having a potential new roster job out during what is essentially their try-out. This was a good match and both men were given a chance to shine. I’m not really big on Jay Bradley yet, but I have to say that his Boomstick Lariat looked absolutely brutal so much respect to him. I’d be fine with either of these men getting a TNA contract.

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We cut to The Aces and 8’s secret lair where they are boozing it up and hanging with their floozies. Mr. Anderson interrupts, angry at the attack by Kurt Angle earlier. Anderson demands something to be done. The Bane-sounding one says he’s right but tonight it’s about business. The Aces and 8’s head into another room and take their seats at the table. Bane-ish immediately chews out Mike Knox for losing his mask last week. He asks Knox if he has something to say for himself. Knox starts to lay out an excuse but Bane-ish interrupts him and says he will get a chance tonight to “make it right”.

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Joseph Park is making his way towards to the Impact Zone to talk to Hulk Hogan right after this commercial break.

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-Commercial Break-

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Joseph Park Meets with Hulk Hogan

Joseph Park is in the ring as we come back from break. Park says he’s thankfully in one piece after wrestling camp. Park respectfully requests the presence of GM Hulk Hogan at this time. “Not Quite the nWo Theme” hits and out comes The Hulkster. Hogan congratulates Park on his short stint at OVW then asks what Park needs. Park thanks Hogan for the inspiration to train as a pro wrestler, and thanks OVW trainer Danny Davis for giving him a solid foundation that he can build on. Park says he’s not standing in the ring as a lawyer, he’s standing here as a wrestler. Hogan says Park needs at least two more years of training. Park says that he did everything Hogan asked him to do and asks for a match against The Aces and 8’s. Annoyed at Park, Hogan agrees to whatever he wants just to shut him up. Park says he won’t let him down and leaves the ring super excited.

Brooke Hogan shows up on the Impact-Tron. She says she’s tried to call and text him and asks if he really wants to deal with this out in the open. Brooke tells Hogan not to move and she starts making her way to the Impact Zone. Their confrontation…right after this commercial break.

• Segment Thoughts: I bet every other wrestler in the world wishes their training was as short and simple as Park’s was. Joseph Park has been one of the highlights of the show since showing up early last year. I’m glad he’s getting the chance to “be a wrestler” (I know who he really is, so don’t start).

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-Commercial Break

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Brooke Hogan Confronts Her Father

We come back from break just in time for Brooke Hogan to make a full entrance, complete with her self-sung theme. Yay? Brooke gets right into her father’s face and once again says that he has not answered her calls or text messages. Brooke has a question for Hulk and how he answers it determines their relationship from now on. Brooke asks if she’s going to reinstate “Mark” or if he’s going to keep treating this a personal vendetta.

Hulk has her answer: he is not going to reinstate Bully Ray. Hulk immediately drops the mic and angrily leaves the ring as Brooke starts crying (well as much as she’s physically able to).

• Segment Thoughts: Hulk Hogan acted like he just won a freestyle battle. I found that too funny. Brooke’s attempts to cry were really awkward and forced though; an actress she is not.

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Austin Aries and Bobby Roode are backstage talking about Aries’ new shirt. Aries and Roode argue about what they’re going to wear to the ring (Roode wants to wear his robe so Aries wants to wear his cape, but then Roode wants to wear his shirt so Aries wants to wear his shirt). They get back down to business and Aries says that they need to take care of their common problem, Jeff Hardy, then they can deal with whatever issues they have. They continue arguing about their entrance gear and who’s going to come out first. Awesome.

• Thoughts: Can Impact just be two hours of these two bickering and trying to one-up each other every week? No? Fine. Be that way. I like that Aries’ desire to one-up his partner goes along with his actions for the past few months; he did the same thing when threatened by Jeff Hardy before their BFG match. I like the continuity of character.

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A video package plays of Austin Aries talking about how it’s been downhill since he lost the TNA World Heavyweight Title. Aries says he still wants to prove that he has what it takes to be champion. Current champ Jeff Hardy interjects and calls him an “egotistical maniac” who has been driven crazy by his desire to be champion once again. Aries says that when he wins the title at Genesis, he will not be a company champion; he will be a champion only worried about himself.

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Christy Hemme introduces Bobby Roode to the ring. For those of you wondering, he’s wearing his robe. So that’s settled. Tenay recaps the whole “Aries outbid Roode for the Aces and 8’s services” storyline from December. His partner Austin Aries makes his way out second. He is wearing his cape as well as his new t-shirt which I’m now going to buy because I’m a sheep.

“SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK!” brings out James Storm to the ring. TNA World Champion, and Storm’s partner, Jeff Hardy makes his way out second. He circles around the ringside area to slap hands with the fans before entering the ring.

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Match #4: *TNA World Champion* Jeff Hardy & James Storm Vs. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode

Hardy and Roode start the match off. Quick side headlock by Roode who transitions into a wristlock and then a side headlock once more. Hardy sends him into the ropes but gets dropped with a shoulderblock. Roode hits the ropes and Hardy catches him with a hip toss. Roode whips Hardy into the ropes and Hardy responds with a shoulderblock of his own. Roode slaps Aries’ hand, forcing him to enter the match. Hardy gets the crowd clapping. Double leg takedown by Aries followed by a front chancery. Hardy backs Aries into the corner and lays into the midsection with a series of rights. Aries reverses an Irish whip into the corner, but Hardy catches Aries with a headscissors takedown. Roode tries to intervene, bringing in Storm. Storm and Hardy take Roode out with a double elbow and then Aries with an Air Sabu. Aries and Roode shove each other and argue on the outside as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back live as Hardy sends Roode face-first into the corner. Roode reverses an Irish whip but runs into an elbow. Hardy tries for a Whisper in the Wind but Aries grabs his leg. Hardy kicks him off but Roode runs into the ropes to knock Hardy off. Roode stomps on the fallen Hardy and picks him up. Aries tags himself in by slapping Roode’s back, then hits Hardy with a top rope axehandle. Aries drapes Hardy’s leg over the bottom rope and Aries hits a seated splash on the knee. Front chancery by Aries. Aries sends Hardy into Roode’s boot in the corner.

Roode tags in, and Hardy manages to connect with a sunset flip. Aries distracts the ref long enough for it to only end up being a 2. Roode catches Hardy with a clothesline for 2. Roode goads Storm into the ring and the ref struggles to keep him out. Aries tags in and drops the elbow on Hardy before attempting a pin. 2-count. Aries drives the knee into the side of Hardy’s head. Roode tags in and scoop slams Hardy to the mat. Roode connects with a Vader Bomb splash for the 1…2…Storm breaks up the count. Aries tags back in and rakes his boots over Hardy’s eyes. Aries tells Roode to watch and hits a twisting corkscrew elbow for 2 as a way to one up his partner. Aries boxes Hardy’s ears repeatedly then brings him to his corner to let Roode tag in. Roode drops Hardy with a suplex then follows it up with a kneedrop. Aries asks Roode to tag him in and Roode obliges. Aries connects with a back suplex, then hits a kneedrop from the bottom rope as a way to once again outdo his partner. Roode tags himself in and goes for a second-rope kneedrop but Hardy catches him with his boots.

The Impact Zone comes alive as Hardy inches closer to Storm. Roode grabs him to prevent the tag but Hardy kicks him off and makes the tag to Storm. Storm takes it to both men. An inverted atomic drop for Aries, a Russian legsweep for Roode. Storm sends Roode into the corner and connects with a high back body drop. Aries attempts a headscissors but Storm catches him and slams him to the mat. Storm kicks Roode in the back of the head, then hits the running neckbreaker for the 1…2…Aries tries to intervene but ends up elbowdropping his own partner. Storm disposes of Aries with the “Closing Time” reverse lung-blower. Storm sets up for the Last Call Superkick, but out come Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian to intervene. Storm is distracted with Daniels/Kazarian, leaving Hardy to fight Roode alone. He sets up Roode for the Twist of Fate, but Aries hits him in the back of the head with the TNA World Title to cause the DQ.

Winners [via DQ]: Jeff Hardy & James Storm (13:33)

• Match Thoughts: Given how this match ended up being, with Hardy getting the absolute tar out of him, you have to wonder why Hardy even agreed to this in the first place. If I were him I would have made Storm do most of the heavy-lifting but I’m overthinking it. Longest match of the night and the best mostly due to Aries and Roode being awesome and trying to one-up each other the entire time.

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Post-Match: Roode and Aries have a tug of war with both TNA World Titles.

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Brooke Hogan is on the phone with “Mark”, who’s coming to pick her up outside of the office. Uh-oh.

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-Commercial Break-
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Joey Ryan is backstage with his tag team partner Matt Morgan. Ryan starts cutting a promo to build their Tag Team Title match against champions Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Hernandez (including tons of penis references, obviously), but Guerrero and Hernandez overhear them and interrupt. A brawl interrupts between the four men before Guerrero drags his partner away saying “Save it for Sunday”.

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Keneley, Tenay, and Taz go over the Genesis lineup. New match: Joseph Park will take on TV Champion Devon.

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Genesis Hype: Hardy Vs. Aries Vs. Roode for the TNA World Heavyweight Title. Tenay interjects and says he thinks Hardy will remain champion. Hardy says he is willing to hurt himself to retain the title, like he always is.

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Mr. Anderson makes his way for the next match. He walks over to the ring with a disdainful look on his face. He calls for his old-timey hanging MSG mic and down it comes from the rafters. Anderson does his whole “Mr. Andersssssooooon” bit. I’ll assume you’ve already heard this so many times that you don’t need it recapped. A couple of Impact Zone fans smark it up and yell “Kennedy!” at him. His opponent Kurt Angle makes his way out second. He is ready to take Anderson down. Anderson keeps his shirt on for some reason. Angle charges at Anderson, and Anderson immediately rolls out of the ring. He stalls for a bit by walking around the ring and fixing his hair. Angle grabs a mic and asks Anderson “when did you turn into a bitch?” then demands he gets his ass in the ring. Angle says if Anderson runs again he’s coming after him. Anderson continues to stall and stretch then finally takes his shirt off.

Mike Knox appears out of nowhere and attacks Angle with the ball-peen hammer. Samoa Joe, Wes Brisco, & Garret Bischoff all make their way out to prevent further damage. The Aces and 8’s look on as trainers tend to Angle. The stretcher comes out as we see a replay of Knox’s attack. The Aces and 8’s continue to talk trash as Angle is loaded onto the stretcher.

Sting makes his way out as Angle is wheeled out past him. He makes his way into the ring, bat in hand. He calls for Knox to get into the ring right now. The other Aces and 8’s members tell Knox to get into the ring. This match is apparently coming up next!

• Segment Thoughts: Mr. Anderson was completely on tonight and he was excellent during his stall tactics. Angle getting taken out wasn’t surprising, but I was a little surprised they had Knox also go the “hammer” route. I thought that was D.O.C.’s thing.

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-Commercial Break-

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Main Event: Sting Vs. Mike Knox

Knox makes his way to the ring and Sting hits him with the bat. The ref gets in between and banishes both weapons, allowing Knox to get cheap shot as the bell finally rings. Short-arm clothesline from Knox, who follows up by choking Sting on the second rope. Knox hits the ropes and hits the running leg lariat on Sting. Sting rolls to the outside and Knox follows him. Sting fights back and sends Knox into the ring steps. Sting picks him up and whips him into the steps once again. Sting picks him up and for the third time Knox is thrown right into the ring steps.

Sting grabs Knox and drags him around the ringside area before smashing him face-first into the barricade. Sting follows it up with a Stinger Splash and Knox crumples to the floor. Sting rolls Knox back in and continues the attack in the ring. Knox goes for the bat but Sting drags him away and attempts the Scorpion Death Lock. Knox kicks him off and splashes him in the corner. Sting no-sells it and sends Knox into the corner. He follows it up with the Stinger Splash and the Scorpion Death Drop for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Sting (3:27)

• Match Thoughts: Well that certainly took the wind out of my sails. Knox barely even got any offense and he lost cleanly and very decisively. The Aces and 8’s looked like idiots here, which isn’t surprising since they usually do when it comes to actual matches. But seriously…not even a little Knox offense? Come on.

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Post-Match: Sting takes the hammer and hits Knox with it. Devon comes out of nowhere with The Aces and 8’s who are holding Brooke Hogan captive. Devon guarantees that The Aces and 8’s will reign supreme in TNA in 2013. Bully Ray runs out and attacks The Aces and 8’s with his chain, saving Brooke from their clutches. Hulk Hogan appears on the entrance ramp and stares him down as we go to commercial.

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-Commercial Break-

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Hulk Hogan is in the ring with Sting, Bully Ray, & Brooke Hogan. Hulk refuses to thank Ray, and tells him that he’s not the man for his daughter. Ray asks Sting to help him out. Ray says Hulk is so wound up he’s talking crap to one of his best friends. Ray says he’s been in THISBUSINESS for 20 years and wrestling is his life. All he has ever cared about was being the best professional wrestler he could. Ray says THISBUSINESS means everything to him. Ray says he didn’t think he could love anything as much as wrestling…until he met Brooke. Ray says Brooke came into his life because she was apologizing for Hulk’s behavior and his lack of trust. Ray says he’s so wound up that he’s almost at a loss for words. Ray says he knows that this has happened entirely too quick and Hulk immediately throws down his microphone. Ray says “screw it” and tells Brooke to “come here”. Ray says he’s not good at “feelings and stuff” and he’s a hardass, but Brooke makes him into someone different. Ray gets down on one knee and no I’m not making this up. Ray takes Brooke’s hand. He says he loves her and wants everyone to know it. Ray then asks Brooke to marry him. Brooke immediately says yes and kisses him. Ray then says he wants to get married to Brooke next week in front of everybody. They continue to embrace as Hulk leaves the ring. Sting eventually follows suit. Ray stares at the camera…but it’s a stare of evil intentions. Fade to logo and we’re done!

• Segment Thoughts: First off the Aces and 8’s were shooed away way too easily if you asked me; they kidnapped Brooke and then lost Brooke like five seconds later before fading into the background. From there…look I want to hate this and I really should. But Bully Ray sold the hell out of this and all the compliments should be paid to him for it. Hulk almost ruined it with his childish angry faces at the end, but overall this segment worked when it didn’t have any right to. Ray’s somewhat devious stare into the camera right before they faded out was also very interesting and opens up the possibility that his attempt to marry Brooke next week on the show is just a way to get at Hulk and he doesn’t really love her. A bully never really stops being a bully, after all. But yeah I ended up really enjoying this despite myself and despite the utter ridiculousness of it. Sue me. Actually don’t, because I’m super poor.

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