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411’s WWE RAW Report 6.24.13
Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: John Cena
World Champion: Alberto Del Rio
US Champion: The Shield’s Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Curtis Axel
Unified Diva’s Champion: AJ Lee
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Shield’s Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns
Welcome to 411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 6.24.13
Oh yes, Acero is back in the house! We’re doing some hiring in the back offices regarding the RAW Report, but considering how much fun I have with you guys, and the fact that my semester is over, I am able to dedicate a little bit more time to the site. Because of this, we’ll have others doing the Rs that I typically due until we can find someone who can take over RAW duties from here on out. But enough biddness talk, let’s conversate about the bad ass Mark Henry, and how Cena will respond, the lovely AJ and the color of Steph’s pantsuit, Dolph Ziggler and his quest for retribution, and more!
Mr. Deep Voice covers last week’s happenings, particularly CM Punk meeting the eye of the Lesnar Hurricane, and they question whether Heyman knew Brock was in the building. They also recap Henry’s awesome performance, calling it Academy Award-worthy.
We are in South Carolina, and instead of starting with Cena as I thought, we get the bright light of the Dubs, Daniel Bryan!!!
The crowd lurvs him, and chant YES! all kinds of loudly for the bearded Bryan. He wants to say something before we start, and he wants to point out those who accuse him of having some sort of complex. Some say he has the Little Man Syndrome. He has been hearing it for years: “You’re a wrestler? Really? Were you an extra in the Hobbit” He wants to set the record straight; he was not an extra in The Hobbit. But whether he was with Kane, or years ago on NXT, some people have always called him the weak link. Those people are morons, because he has fought toe-to-toe with Orton twice! To him, a countout victory is not good enough. He will not be satisfied until he pins Orton or makes him tap. Will he do that tonight?
YES! YES! YES!
Here’s Orton, and Bryan claims to be glad that he came out. Orton snatches the mic like Kanye and says he came out to tell him to straight to his face: SHUT UP AND FIGHT!
Bryan with the rights! A knee sends Orton out of the ring! He comes back in and the bell rings
Bryan gets Orton in the corner, but Orton reverses. It’s short lived. They rumble into the other corner. Orton with a headbutt. Some rights. Bryan turns that into kicks in the corner. Body, leg, body! Right hand! The ref breaks it up and Orton sends Bryan to the outside! He follows! Clothesline! Orton calls for the announcers to move, then tosses Bryan over the announce booth! He gets some rights on the outside as the ref tries to break it up. Orton and Bryan wrestle away from the table, and Bryan hits a few kicks. Bryan hops over the ref to hit a kick and the ref has had enough. He calls for the end of the match.
Official Result:
NO CONTEST
RATING: NR
Bryan and Orton are still outside, and they’re fighting like two ratchets in a high school locker room. A bunch of refs are out now, separating the men as we go to break
Backstage, we get Vickie and Brad talking until Bryan comes in yelling about the Double DQ decision. He wants a rematch, doesn’t care what kind. Brad says, no, it doesn’t end tonight. He thinks it’s best that they-
Bryan interrupts. He wants a match with either Orton or…Brad Maddox. Vickie says Bryan gets the match….with Orton. Vickie laughs at Maddox, annoyingly, until Vinnie Mac shows up. He brings up Bryan and how some say he’s not worthy, some people would think that he’s an embarrassment. Vickie asks Vince’s opinion. He tells Vickie that he’ll let them figure that out….alright.
Christian and Cody to start. Cody gets a side headlock, and whip into a shoulderblock leaves Cody grinning. We go for a test of strength, but Cody just kicks. A right elbow then he hits the ropes, only for Cody to hit a shoulder block into a pin. Another into a pin. Each gets a 1. Cody runs into a mule kick then Christian flips over and rolls up Cody for a pin. Hard right sends Cody against the ropes. Christian hops over, looking for that uppercut, but Sandow distracts and Rhodes is there to send Christian into the steps. Sheamus comes around to stare very intensely, but it’s not effective!
Cody in the ring as the ref starts the count. Christian rolls in at 4. Cody stomps on him then tags in Sandow and holds Christian down for Sandow to kick. Sandow works the left arm a bit, focusing on the shoulder, then pins for two. We get a modifed arm bar and chin lock, but Christian turns into it…then turns into a right hand and a side Russian. Elbow of Disdain, then a pin for two. Right hand by Sandow then a tag to Cody. Rhodes with a kick then a whip into a short clothesline. Pin for 1…2..NO! Cody cuts the ring so Cody can’t tag then hits a stalling front suplex. Pin for 1…2..NO! Cody is curious as to where Christian has been, so takes the time to ask in the middle of the ring.
Christian goes for the Kill Switch, but Cody turns it into a nut kick ala Hardcore Holly. We get some tangoing then a double clothesline! Both men down! WE’re lookin for that tag, and we get it! Sheamus is in, knocks the newly entered Sandow out, sends Cody to the outside, hits a high knee on Sandow, then sends him over the ropes for the chest beating of a life time! He hits all ten, then fireman’s Sandow over. Sandow quickly gets into his corner and Cody hits a blind tag. He rolls into the ring but Sandow is in his way so he rolls Sandow out then turns….right into a Brogue Kick. Pin! 1…2…3!!
Official Result: Sheamus and Christian
Christian took a brunt of the work only for Sheamus to go in and do his flashy stuff before the win. Meh.
RATING: **
Backstage CM Punk is tweeting me. Here comes Vickie! He wants to know if Heyman is here yet. Vickie says she hasn’t seen him. Punk wants to know about Brock. Vickie says she doesn’t know of his whereabouts, either. She says she put him in a match tonight, and Punk just ignores her. She gets all huffity puff then says EXCUSE ME. Punk goes Wolverine on her, and says EXCUSE HIM! He tells her if Brock or Heyman show up, let him know.
We get a recap of Aksana calling Kaitlyn trash on Friday then horribly brawling with….trash.
Aksana with a fast kick then a toss into the corner. Kicks send Kaitlyn into a squat. Aksana talks some shit then slaps Kaitlyn. Whip. Clothesline is ducked. Kaitlyn hits a shoulder block, then her own music hits….
Kaitlyn looks a bit confused, then kicks Aksana out of the ring.
Here comes AJ in a body suit and a blonde wig to distract.
Aksana is in with a rollup! 1…2…Kaitlyn kicks out and hits a spear! Pin for 1….2…3!!!
Official Result: Kaitlyn
Hardly a match, but at least there’s a story here.
RATING: NR
AJ atop the ramp is mocking Kaitlyn, claims she lost the title to the Great AJ Lee as well as her dignity. She was embarrassed and humiliated the night she thought someone liked her. Here comes Big E with flowers, as they re-enact the moment Kaitlyn got dropped on her ass. AJlyn gets all hot and bothered and girly, accepting flowers from Big E. She always dreamed she’d find a man who has a voice as deep as hers. Kaitlyn tries to head out of the ring, but Layla stops her. AJ continues to call Kaitlyn a man. AJlyn knows she’ll never get the title back so for now, she’ll just be the butt of all of AJ’s jokes. Who wrote this segment? Someone shoot them for me. Shoot them in the knees.
This leads to another look at the “disturbing Wyatt Family.”
We’re back, and we get a little recap of Henry’s retirement. Cuz, you know, we didn’t see it at the top of the show. At the very least, they add little clips of Henry in his younger years, and that really adds to the segment/recap.
JBL applauds Mark Henry, while Cole confirms that MITB PPV will have Cena vs Henry.
Now remember, if you’re not reading this on 411wrestling.com, you’re reading copied material. Which is fine by me, personally, but I recommend the site. It smells good, and we love all people…except midgets.
We get an announcement that Ziggler will be getting his rematch at Money in the Bank while Del Rio heads out.
Tie up ends in a scissors lock from Jericho. Del RIo gets out, and I should mention that the black trunks are back. Lock up into a side headlock from Del Rio. Del Rio gets a shoulder block, and Cole calls Del Rio aggressive, officially starting that rehash.
Jericho in the corner with a chop. Other corner, other chop. The third gets a head to the turnbuckle then a chop. Snapmare into a kick to the back from Jericho. Jericho with a suple and a pin for 1..2.NO. Y2J gets a chant, but misses a right in the corner. Del Rio with a kick, then some rights in the corner. Del Rio with an enziguri in the corner that sounded good but looked blocked by Jericho. Del Rio runs right into a boot. Jericho on the 2nd rope. Dropkick to Del Rio and a pin for 1..2..NO! Jericho says hello to some right hands. Del Rio runs, but Jericho sends him up and over the rope! COME ON BAYBAY!!! Jericho looks to springboard dropkick Del Rio’s ass, but Del Rio ducks and Jericho hits the floor. Del Rio sends Jericho against the barricade as we go to break.
Back, and Jericho rolls up Del Rio for 2! Toss to the ropes met with a knee from Jericho! Jericho with an enziguri! Pin for 1…2..NO! Jericho with a chop then a whip, but Del Rio reverses. He runs into an uppercut, and Jericho hits a shoulder tackle. Another. He gets sent to the ropes, but hops over the rope, climbs up, looking for that axe handle, but there’s Del Rio with a kick to the back of the head! The ref counts as Jericho is laid out on the ground. Jericho in at 8, and Del Rio stomps on him! Del Rio looks for a suplex, hits it. Pin for 1…2..NO! Del Rio with a half-nelson…sort of. He opts for the chinlock. The crowd chants for Ziggler as Jericho turns into the hold. Chops from Jericho! Del Rio retaliates! Jericho gets the upperhand! Whip! He misses a dropkick and Del Rio just steps on his face! Boos from the crowd as Del Rio stomps Jericho down again. Pin for 1..2…NO!
Del Rio with a snapmare into a kick. Another chin lock. Ah, the return of Heel Del Rio…Jericho turns into it again, but Del Rio won’t let go. Jericho is able to hit some rights, but Dl RIo just throws some headbutts in before sending Jericho chest first into the turnbuckle. Del Rio with an Enziguri to the back of the head, then a forearm to the spine. Del Rio gets Jericho up on the top rope, and he’s looking for a back suplex. Jericho hits some rights to get out of it, then sends Del RIo to the mat. Jericho turns. He hits a beautiful looking crossbody into a pin for 1…2..NO!
Del Rio misses a clothesline, so Jericho gets some chops. Whip, and Jericho hits a right hand into and a suplex with a bridge!! 1…2..NO!!! Del Rio sends Jericho into the corner, goes for a spear like move, but Jericho moves! Jericho is waitin for something! Codebreaker! NO! Del Rio, tosses him over. Jericho rolls into the Walls of Jericho, but Del RIo is fighting to prevent it! He is able to twist out of it and hit a kick to the face! 1…2…NO!!! Del Rio is calling for the Cross Arm Breaker, but Jericho hits a running bulldog instead! Lionsault is countered by knees! Del Rio is here with the Cross Arm Breaker!!! It’s in!!! They’re in the middle of the ring!!! He’s gonna tap!! No, he’s scooting to the ropes! He’s got it!! He uses the ropes to flip the fuck out of the hold and lock in the Walls!!!!! He’s got it locked in!
Rodriguez comes in with the bucket and smacks Jericho in the back for the DQ!
Official Result: Chris Jericho via DQ
What an awesome final few minutes there! I was entertained
RATING: ***1/2
After the match, Ziggler runs down and attacks Del RIo! Zig Zag to Del Rio! Codebreaker from Jericho to Rodriguez! Jericho and Ziggler are left in the ring. Roberts announces the winners as Dolph and Jericho stare each other down. Jericho walks away from Ziggler, only for Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Jericho!!
Backstage, Vickie is considering cancelling something I didn’t catch. Triple H is here to interrupt. He heard that Vickie was thinking of cancelling the D. Bryan match. Ah, so that’s what it is. Vickie calls Daniel too small and an embarrassment. Trips thinks some other ways. He doesn’t really agree, but what matters is what the WWE Universe thinks, and the Universe wants to see the match. What Triple H would like is for Vickie to over-deliver. He wants her to give the WWE Universe the choice as to which stipulation they will see tonight. Vickie calls it a wonderful idea. Triple H says everything will be ok if they just listen to him, then makes fun of Brad’s shirt.
We are back! Apparently, we’re unveiling the cover of WWE2K14, y’all! There is apparently a contest attached to this year’s game. It will allow US to design and create a cover for the game. The winner will have it put on the flipside of the cover. Vickie tries to interrupt but King ain’t done. He drops the website then Vickie tells King to bounce.
She says it’s important for the Uni to be heard, whether it’s designing the cover, or what goes on tonight. The crowd still hates Vickie. Awesome. Tonight’s rematch will…they boo her, again. hahaha. She is letting the Universe decide on what stipulation we want to see:
1) Extreme Rules
2) Lumberjack
3) Falls Count Anywhere
One more EXCUSE ME, and the crowd gets louder. Seriously, every time she starts to talk, the boos get louder. She claims she designed the cover. She says the cover has true leaders. She shows it, and it has HHH, Vince, and Steph on the cover.
Maddox claims that he has his own cover, depicting the future of Monday NIght RAW. It’s got Punk and Cena, with Maddox in the middle.
King is here with the REAL Cover, though. We get a drumroll, and the real cover is….
We’re back, and RYBACK is here! Remember him? Well, it looks like the E is trying to repair him here.
Lockup between peeps we don’t care for. Ryback is sent into the corner, and a chop is heard round the world. Headbutt from Khali into some boots. Khali sends Ryback into the corner and hits another chop. Some more kicks into the corner, but Ryback pushes him away and into the corner, then hits shoulder blocks. Ryback runs into an uppercut then a big ass boot. Khali grabs Ryback, but Ryback hits the ropes, then…Khali with a clothesline! Khali sends Ryback into the corner, then drops some elbows on the shoulders of Ryback. Ryback gets hit with a hard right from Khali.
Khali with a kick to the face of Ryback. Khali is calling for a hug. He chokes, Ryback is out. kick. He lifts Khali. Shellshock to Khali after some marching. Pin for 1…2…3!!
Official Result: Ryback
More of the WWE trying to repair the damage they’ve caused on their own
RATING: 1/2*
Back from the break, and the music of John Cena hits! Here is the WWE Champion, and he calls himself a human onion…
Middle of the ring, and Cena calls the crowd a lively bunch. Only 43 men have ever held the WWE Championship, and whether it was Bruno or Rey Mysterio, being a WWE Champion puts you in an elite fraternity, because you have earned the respect of your peers. Sure…
Over the years, many men have tried to do some crazy shizznet, because they want the respect that comes with it, but short cuts do not equal respect. People have tried to buy, tried to steal, feel the pressure, all to chase the belt. Even Vinnie Mac himself felt the need to be champion to justify his existence to all of us. Last week, we saw how low a man will sink to chase the title. LAst week, Henry disgraced his family, cheated the WWE Universe, and quite frankly…his speech was an utter disaster to every superstar that has had to stand there because they truly could never do this again. Edge, HBK, Ric Flair. Important moments in history, and last week, Henry made a mockery of all of them. Cena gets why, though. Henry has been here for 17 years, but he realizes that the door is closing, time is running out, and he won’t have a legacy without that title.
Enter Cena, because in order to get the belt, he has to get through Cena. He wants to introduce himself…didn’t we do that last week? He calls Henry’s speech a load of crap and tells Henry he must earn the title, just like he said last week. And the only thing he earned was the right to let Cena knock Henry’s teeth down his throat. Cena calls it Whoop Ass Season and in three weeks, Henry is going to find out that Cena’s time is now and the Champ is here.
Thankfully, no poop jokes or any jokes to be fair. A solid promo, with nothing unexpected, but still necessary considering we neded some sort of response.
We’re going to have a Triple Threat Tag Team Match to decide who will be the No. 1 Contender! It appears there was an auction which allowed a dude to come out with the Funkadactyls, and he has more charisma than half the roster. Good for him! He had the highest bid for a benefit for Sandy, and deserves every minute in there.
The Funkadactyls vs. 3MB vs The Usos
We are starting with Uso 1 and Jinder. Mahal gets the upperhand but it’s really short as he sends Uso into the corner, and he hits a kick to Drew who is on the apron. Tag from one Uso to the other. Kick to the gut of Jinder, who backs up into a blind tag from Tensai. Tensai with a plunge like manuever which is broken up with Uso 1. Uso 1 gets tossed out by Jinder, and Junder gets tossed out by Brodus. Drew runs in and Brodus tosses him out, too! Brodus is on the apron and fuckin dives an all of 3MB! haha
Inside the ring, we get a bomb from Sweet T onto Uso 2 and a pin for 1…2…NO! Oooh, thought that was it. Uso with the blind tag. Superkick into a Samoan Drop! Uso 1 with the splash and a pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: The Usos
Really too short to mean anything, and none of these teams mean a damned thing
RATING: *
We get the music of The Shield, and they’re out here to stare down The Usos who get a tag team title shot “sometime in the near future” according to Cole.
Now remember, if you’re not reading this on 411wrestling.com, you’re reading copied material. Which is fine by me, personally, but I recommend the site. It smells good, and we love all people…except midgets.
We are back on RAW, and here’s Heyman sans music! (I always liked that he didn’t come out to music. It’s one of those little things, ya feel?) We get a recap of last week when Punk met Brock.
Heyman introduces himself like Cena, only this time people care. People have been asking him all week about Brock and his attack on Punk, and for the first time in his life, he has ignored Punk’s texts, e mails, calls, and owls. Unfortunately, we live so much of our lives in public that the only way to do this is face to face on RAW. So Punk, come n get yo answers, yo.
Punk’s music hits. His face says he’s serious, but his hoodie without pants says he’s ready to party.
JBL thinks Lesnar is somewhere round these parts. Punk gets the crowd to chant. He’s on the mic. He asks if Paul wants to do this in public for the entertainment of the people, then before all that we must get them up to speed. Why, considering Heyman’s past and persona, why Punk is a Paul Heyman guy. In 2005, after wrestling around the world, he was signed to a contract with the E. At that time, the Senior VP was Johnny Ace. Ace thought it’d be good for Punk to go through the developmental system. At the time, probably due to burned bridges, Heyman was in charge down there. He was set up to fail. No matter what anyone says now, Punk was not supposed to succeed because there were certain people that didn’t like Punk and e mailed Heyman every week saying cut the kid loose. The kid is no good. The kid is not what we look for. Heyman was told to never even consider Punk coming to RAW or SD, but despite Heyman’s proven track record and even better demonstrated record of lying and manipulating. No matter how many times Heyman was told to fire CM Punk, he refused.
Heyman saw something in Punk. So much that when ECW came back, Heyman’s first draft pick was Punk. He doesn’t want to bore anyone with the laundry with two friends, but now that this is out of the way, there are two things he wants to say. He wants Heyman to tell Brock that Punk is coming for him. He doesn’t care that he is bigger and stronger, because he is not better than Punk. He is the best wrestler on the planet, and Heyman knows it better than anyone. He’ll say it to Heyman’s face: He will do whatever it takes and take Brock down. Now we can finally address the elephant in the room. What happened last week? Punk has gotten warnings in the past, but Heyman never did Punk wrong. So last week, did Brock attack on his own, or did Brock attack him because Heyman saw the writing on the wall? This is Punk talking to Paul, did Heyman sick Brock on him? He is NOT “them,” this is PUNK standing here. Call it tough love, he’ll accept it, he just needs to know the truth. For the first time in Heyman’s life, tell the truth. Swear on his children. Come clean right fuckin now, homie!
Damn, shit’s intense.
Heyman pauses while the crowd chants “Tell the Truth!” Ha! A “Truth” chant. Never heard that before.
Heyman says since Punk demands the truth, and because Punk can see through Heyman, and because as his best friend, Heyman says Punk deserves the truth. He will tell Punk the truth straight to his face. “On my children, I did not know that Brock Lesnar would be here last week. And that’s the very same response I used to get from Vince and Steph and Ace (pertaining to boos).” It is a fact that Brock fulfilled his contractual obligations, Heyman didn’t know he’d be here. And here’s another uncomfy truth. The moment Punk said Brock needed Heyman’s help, he picked a fight. A fight with Brock Lesnar. It’s a fact that this was bound to happen, because the professional jealousy has run deep for a long, long time. He’ll back that up: why did Heyman never pitch a CM Punk vs Brock Lesnar tag team? Imagine the money. Why did they never see that? He kept them apart because of the jealousy.
Like in 05 and 06, business came second and Punk came first. Heyman accepts himself for all his flaws, but he’s not stupid. He is going to walk down the aisle with Punk one day, but not any time soon. He will walk down that aisle when Punk is in the main event at Mania. That’s his dream. Because, as unpopular as it is for the whole world, Heyman LOVES CM Punk. Punk is his best friend in the world, and he’s going to screw up his dream because Punk needs a little space? Come on! He’ll never represent anyone against Punk against him, including Brock Lesnar. Brock will have a problem, but that’s not Punk’s problem.
In 05-06, people told Heyman to get rid of Punk but he didn’t. Now, in 2013, people are telling Punk to get rid of Heyman. So Heyman’s fate is in Punk’s hands and to be honest, it’s “your move, Punk.”
Punk doesn’t say anything, and with all this walking down the aisle and love talk, I can see why. Punk looks flustered and a bit confused. Emotional turmoil, it seems. After some time, Punk says he is sorry he doubted Heyman, and they hug it out to Punk’s music.
Look how lucky Young is! Punk with a go behind into a toss down and a cravat. Young tries to turn into the hold. He sends Punk to the corner and hits a knee. Young with a right to the back. They trade offense, but Punk gets the upperhand droppin some elbows atop of Young. Punk with a suplex in the middle of the ring. Pin for 1. Punk with some kicks in the corner. He pulls Young into the middle of the ring, then twists the leg and drops a knee on it. Punk with a whip to the…mat! haha. YOung is sellin the knee. He hits Punk with a knee then gets Punk into the corner. Twist of the arm and a whip into the corner to Punk.
Young with some stomps, followed by a whip and a clothesline. Pin for 1…NO! Young with a cravat of his own, then pulls at the nose from behind. Front face headlock by Young. Punk stands. He gets some rights to the gut. Young switches arms, so Punk uses his rights and left. Hits the ropes. Belly to Belly from Young! Pin for 1…2.NO! Young stomps the hand of Punk. Punk stands with a couple of elbows then a kick and sends Young into the corner. He goes for a splash, but Young moves and Punk hits the corner. Pin for 1! Young smacks Punk around a bit, then hits a knee to the head. Another. Young gets another cravat, but Punk hits a back suplex to give himself some breathing room.
Punk awaits Young to rise. High running knee into the corner. Short clothesline into a pin for 2. Punk goes up top, but Darren is up and sends Punk to the apron. Darren attacks, so Punk hits a shoulder block then goes up top. Clothesline from the top rope and a pin for 1…2..NO! Punk is selling a knee, too. He calls for the G2S. He gets Young up, but Young struggles out of it, then gets a Fireman’s Carry of his own! Young hits his gutbuster. 1…2…NO! HOLY SHIT, I thought they were going to give that win to Young! Wow.
Young is up, but Punk hits a roundhouse kick! Instead of a pin, he locks in the Anaconda Vice, and Young taps out so quick, I
Official Result: CM Punk
A nice little match, and a shame that come next week, Young will be tag team fodder for the Wyatt’s or something.
RATING: ***
Titus comes in the ring and tries to attack, but Punk gets the Fireman’s carry on Titus! Young is there, though, and we got a 2-on-1! Punk is fading! The PTP’s got the upperhand then…
CURTIS AXEL’s music hits! He’s here to help clean house! They send the PTP’s to the outside and Punk sees what’s going on. In comes Heyman, and he tells Punk, “We’ll talk about it. There was 2-on-1, there was no other way. You did the right thing, Axel. We’ll talk about it.”
Apparently, Brad Maddox has disappeared, because Vickie is leaving him a loud message. Stephanie McMahon is here and she wants to know why Vickie hasn’t announced the participants in the Red Brand’s MITB ladder match. Steph says she’ll do it.
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We’re back to the show, and the Bellas are whoring around the ring with pictures of themselves that are apparently in the WWE Magazine. Cole shills the “Total Divas” show coming up before the music of Stephanie McMahon hits, and ol Tits McGee herself is at the top of the ramp.
It’s that time of the year again, she says, a time where every superstar grabs a briefcase to virtually guarantee themselves a Championship. Since Vickie is too busy, Stephanie will be introducing the participants. First, the only man to win the Money in the Bank ladder match twice CM Punk! Others announced:
Daniel Bryan
Sheamus
Randy Orton
Christian
Kane
Rob! Van! Dam!
So we got 7 peeps up in this bitch, and there’s your MITB match for the WWE Championship. Backstage, Vickie claims Steph did an amazing job. Brad says he thought of the idea of announcing. Brad says he was working with Steph. and here comes a big ol R on the screen. It’s Ryback. He wants Cena vs Henry cancelled and a rematch for Ryback vs Cena. He deserves better. He’s tired of being screwed. He deserves better.
Here’s Jericho. He claims that he deserves better. The attack, not being included in the MITB. Jericho deserves to be in that match so that he can be champion. Ryback interrupts Jericho for interrupting him and tells Jericho to cry Ryback a river. Ryback says he can eat Jericho alive. Jericho says try it, Cannibal Ryback. Brad tries to play peacemaker, but neither dude is having it so Vickie gets all cray cray on em.
She says if they want to fight, then they get a fight. Money in the Bank: Ryback vs Chris Jericho. Ryback laughs like it’s perfect, yet he was just complaining about not being in the title shot. Yeah, that makes sense from a character’s standpoint….geez, guys….
Backstage, Heyman is gettin chewed out by Punk. Punk says how can he make it any clearer. Heyman says he was a bit emotional, and he couldn’t help on his own, so he sent Axel out there. Heyman says he fixed it. He got this whole thing straightened out, so next week it will be Prime Time Players vs. Curtis Axel and…CM Punk. Punk calls Heyman unbelievable. He’s going to do it, but he’s going to do it on his own. Then he’s going to beat Brock Lesnar’s ass. Then he’s going to win the briefcase and become champ. Nothing else matters to him.
Here comes Henry! He’s a-grinnin, wearing the finest of our Andre the Giant collection, and enters the ring. He fooled every single one of us! He saw all the Henry signs, heard all the chants. More than anything, though, he saw us cry (NO I DIDN’T!….bastard)
Because of his spectacular performance, he’s been nominated for an Academy Award. It’d be an Emmy, silly man! Henry says Quintin and Spielberg and Perry have all reached out to him. Henry, take it from me, man…don’t talk to Tyler Perry. Henry claims it’s not what he wants, though, it’s not what he deserves. He says people are upset because he used his friends, family, and used the other superstars. The crowd starts a WHAT chant. Geez…
Henry ain’t apologizing to any of us, though. People been tellin him his whole life how he should live and what defines him.
“Mark Henry, you a big kid, don’t hurt the lil chirren.” please.
“Mark Henry, you work hard, go to them Olympics, and win it for America!” Please!
At MITB, what’s gonna happen is that a no-good, filthy, lyin, cheatin people is gonna show up. He calls us all puppets, say we’re dancin right now (and considering the What chants, he’s right on target). Last week, he said, “Honey, I’m comin home.” He’s comin home, alright.
Henry somehow read the comment board, and claims that he knows he looks good, this suit ain’t no Men’s Wearhouse.
He’s coming home WWE Champion.
King is back in the ring one more time, and here come the results for the main event! The winner is….
Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton
Bryan starts with kicks, but Orton hits his way out and sends Bryan to the corner. Orton sends Bryan to the outside, follows, goes for the clothesline spot, but Bryan ducks this one and gets some rights in of his own, followed by some leg kicks. Bryan gets grabbed by the head, though, and says hello to the steps. Orton with a whip to the barricade then back in the ring. Bryan with a baseball slide to Orton! Bryan looks like he wants to dive!! He hits the ropes, flies…oh, but Orton has a STEEL CHAIR!!! Straight to the dome with the mu-fucka! When’s the last time ya saw that sheeut?!
Commercial Break
Back, and Orton is liftin up the skirts of the ring like it’s a lesser-known Diva with no friends. He pulls a table out and sends it in the ring. Bryan is stirring, so Orton goes to knock him out a bit. Bryan gets some gut shots, though, and some kicks. Orton with a headbutt and a knee, followed by a front suplex onto the ropes. Orton goes back to the table, and sets the thing up in the corner. Orton goes to grab Bryan, whips him into the corner. Bryan flips over, hits the ropes, hits a clothesline! Orton tries to stand. Bryan is hyped. He calls for a Yes chant! Runs into the corner with a dropkick to the FACE! Kicks to the chest! Orton falls down and Bryan wants another kick, but Orton grabs the nearby chair and tosses it at the running Bryan. Haha.
Orton rolls Bryan over and covers for the 1…2..NO! Orton is on the apron. Looks like he wants to suplex Bryan over the ropes! Check it out, there’s a table right there! Orton gets him up, but fails to get him over. Bryan hangs Orton up, but Orton hangs onto the ropes! Dropkick to Orton, but he dangles! So close to falling! Bryan goes for a dropkick AGAIN, but Orton still stands!!! Bryan runs, slides under Orton, grabs the legs and POWERBOMBS ORTON INTO THE TABLE!! Nicely done!
Bryan rolls Orton into the ring and pins for 1…2..NO! Bryan rolls out and grabs a kendo stick. Revenge afoot. Kick to Orton’s chest. Stick to his back. Kick to the chest. Stick to back! Kick! Stick! Kick! Stick! Kic- NO!!!! Orton catches one and tries for a Fisherman Suplex! He has a little trouble hitting it, but does! Bryan hits the edge of the table, breaking roughly 8 inches off of it. Awww, that should have gone better.
Orton with a pin for 1…2..NO! Orton with a right to Bryan’s head. Bryan returns the favor. Orton with a headbutt, Bryan with one of his own. They trade rights. Bryan gets the upperhand until Orton hits a dropkick! Orton sends Bryan to the corner. Puts Bryan up top. He’s lookin for a superplex, but Bryan is fighting out of it. Bryan sends Orton to the mat! Bryan up top! He wants to fly! He does….
RIGHT INTO A POWERBOMB! Pin for 1…2….NO!!! So close. Orton is going for head shots. Like straight to the dome type, but Bryan is able to grab an arm and attempts the NO LOCK!!! He’s almost got it!!! He….THERE IT IS!! Bryan’s got the lock in! Orton is reaching! He’s almost to the ropes…NO! He’s closer to the Kendo stick! CRACK!, Orton just swings on Bryan over and over in the head, then rolls over and hits him a few more times. Orton is up. He smacks Bryan on the back, all the way across the ring onto the apron. Bryan is about to stand, and Orton is calling for the DDT. He’s got Bryan’s head. BAM! Hits it! Orton hears voices! RKO is reversed into a backslide and a pin for 1..2..NO! Bryan has the kendo stick! He hits a few swings then locks in the NO LOCK one more time!! Orton is close to the stick again, though! He’s got it!! Orton swings back, but Bryan grabs the stick and uses THAT instead of his arm to stretch Orton back!! ORTON TAPS!!!!
Official Result: Daniel Bryan
AWESOME match! A lot of fun to watch, and another solid outing for Bryan. Orton more than held his own, and Bryan’s stock continues to rise. What’s next?
RATING: ***3/4
Orton is up, behind Bryan! Bryan turns. Orton extends his hand, and Bryan shakes it. Orton walks out, as Bryan stands tall to soak in some Yes! Chants!
End Show
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