411’s WWE Smackdown Report 08.09.13

Michael Benjamin here. It’s time for Smackdown. SPOILER ALERT: We’re gonna have some matches, some angles, and some interview segments tonight. The crowd will boo, pop, and sit in silence for portions of the show.

SHOW… ON!

JK. NOT YET.

OKAY NOW!

Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: John Cena
World Champion: Alberto Del Rio
US Champion: Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Curtis Axel
Diva’s Champion: AJ Lee
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns

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WWE Smackdown Report 8.09.13

Randy Orton (w/ Briefcase) vs. Rob Van Dam Gimmick idea: Give a wrestler a weirdo Al Snow gimmick and let them become best friends with their briefcase. Give them an opportunity to cash in but they can’t part ways with the briefcase so they walk away from the opportunity. When they finally did it, the crowd would go molten! Or not. Nevermind. Fuck you. They circle each other to start things off. They lock up and do a few chain wrestling sequences with no clear winner. They leapfrog each other a couple of times and RVD comes out on top of that with a nice spin kick. Guy in the front row with a whistle needs to get that shit confiscated like, five minutes ago. RVD hits a heel kick and charges at Orton. Orton pulls the ropes down and Rob goes flying. RVD slams his head into the steel steps and lays him across the barricade. RVD hits his signature legdrop off the apron as we take our first commercial break. Pretty fun match so far. They’re going back and forth and RVD is working his ECW light style with his signature spots. This is a great way to start the broadcast.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back as Orton regains control and drops some knees onto RVD. TEN COUNT PUNCHES! RVD fights back and goes upstairs for a moonsault. Orton throws him off and sends him into the apron. Very nice looking spot. The crowd is chanting “this is awesome” as Orton back drops RVD onto the barricade. He rolls RVD in the ring and covers him for TWOOOOOO. Headlock applied by Orton! RVD reaches for the ropes with his leg which is a very nice touch. Most wrestlers just stand up within five seconds. RVD finally makes it to his feet and hits a series of clotheslines followed by a split legged moonsault for TWO! Orton gets up and RVD nails him with a senton from the top rope! RVD goes for the rolling thunder but Orton sidesteps him and hits his modified backbreaker for two! Orton hits a few clotheslines followed by a powerslam for another two count! Orton drapes him over thw middle rope for his assisted DDT but RVD gives him a fisherman suplex with a bridge four TWOOO! RVD goes for an assisted attack from the apron but Orton catches him with a fucking dropkick! Orton hits the DDT on the third attempt! ORTON IS GOING TO THAT PLACE. We get a great visual of the crowd going ape shit. He sets up for the RKO but Orton hits him with a kick to the face! He rolls up Orton but only gets two! He hits him with another heel kick and follows it up with a rolling thunder! RVD chants are breaking out! RVD goes upstairs and MISSES THE FROG SPLASH! He BOUNCES off the mat and eats an RKO! Orton wins!

Holy shit, these guys worked a fast pace, balls to the wall match. They packed in some unique counters and spots that kept things interesting throughout. Their chemistry is off the charts. Most would say they want to see them go longer, but eleven minutes was the perfect amount of time for RVD and Orton to tear the house down without resting.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Randy Orton @ 10:55 via pinfall
RATING: ***1/2

-Commercial Break-

Miz TV w/ AJ Lee and Big E Langston I CAME TO PLAYYYY. Miz welcomes us to the (alleged) most must see talk show in sports entertainment history. He introduces AJ and Big E Langston immediately. I’m not complaining about the pigtails AJ is sporting lately. Miz asks AJ what her relationship is with Big E. She says it’s obvious. He’s there for her. He’s a nice friend and a good guy. She says that Big E is her best friend. The eyes on The Miz are ridiculously bloodshot. Miz runs down her list of boyfriends. AJ says that “Kane wears his mask during everything”. Good shit. She has an excuse for every breakup and Miz asks if maybe the problem is her? AJ says that they’re not heroes. They tricked her into falling in love and broke her heart, as did Kaitlyn. Aj says that she’ll grow old and grey with the divas title. Here comes Ziggy. Dolph says that woman just can’t get over him as a Ziggler chant breaks out. AJ breaks down and says that men don’t get over her and that they had something special. Here comes Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn notes that AJ cost Ziggler and Dolph both of their titles. She wonders why she’s so obsessed with them. The males and females bicker until Miz says “WHOAAA. MY SHOW!” Miz books the intergender tag match for Summerslam. CATFIGHT~! ZIG ZAG~! SPEAR~!

I’m all for this match. It’ll diversify the card and standout as a unique match at Summerslam. This was a straight forward and well executed segment. Definitely one of the better Miz TV segments in recent memory.

-Commercial Break-

Our Favorite Segment (RAW REBOUND): We get a recap of the Punk/Axel/Heyman/Lesnar segment on Raw. I was already sold on this match but this angle solidified my purchase of Summerslam.

– Alberto Del Rio is complaining to Vicki Guerrero about wrestling Christian tonight. Vicki doesn’t like what he did to Ricardo on Monday or Christian on Smackdown. That’s why he’s wrestling Christian. Good enough for me. The RVD/Orton/Christian/ADR four way seems like a lock for Summerslam.

– Fandango makes his way down to the ring with Summer Rae as we head to break.

-Commercial Break-

Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Kofi Kingston Here we go! They go with some back and forth to start. I’m liking Kofi’s new look with the pants. Kofi hits a nice elevated dropkick followed by a splash in the corner. He goes for a spinning heel kick but Fandango evades and back body drops Kofi to the floor. Fandango gives him a nice looking snap suplex on the mat and rolls him in at five. The douche in the front row that had the whistle is starting nonsensical chants and a few people are following. Really, a USA chant? At least make it relevant to the match at hand, prick. Fandango goes for a back suplex but Kofi reverses that with a crossbody. Fandango makes it to his feet and charges at him. No sir! Fandango hits the ring post. Kofi hits a nice elevated dropkick followed by a clothesline. He goes for the boom drop but Fandango rolls to the mat. Kofi hits Fandango with a baseball slide and the crowd roars in approval. Kofi goes upstairs for a crossbody from the top but Summer Rae gets in the way. He just runs the apron and hits his move anyway. Nice! Summer Rae does her bad ankle routine for distraction and Fandango sends Kofi into the ring post skull first. Kofi sold that awesome! Fandango rolls Kofi back in and goes upstairs. Alabama Jam! DONEZO!

This was a fun sprint of a match. They worked hard with the time allotted and made the quick finish make complete sense within the context of the match. A lot of the shorter TV matches still have a problem doing this. Also, Fandango and Summer Rae are becoming quite the unit. Summer Rae is doing a great job interjecting herself into the act. Hopefully they keep these two together for awhile.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Fandango @ 4:50 via pinfall
RATING: **1/4

– Renee Young catches up with D-Bry backstage. Despite what Cena says, he’s never changed himself to get to where he is. THE BEARD IS STILL HERE.

-Commercial Break-

Wade Barrett (sans beard) vs. Daniel Bryan (w/ beard) They exchange some kicks to start things off. Bryan is quick to win that war until Barrett trips him up. Barrett sends him to the outside and sends him into the steps. Back in and Barrett locks Bryan up in the ropes and gives him two knees and a boot. He pulls Bryan in the ring and covers him for two. Barrett begins stretching him out. Bryan escapes and Barrett charges at him. Drop toehold into the corner. Bryan charges at him but Barrett delivers one of the most impressive black hole slams I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. Barrett goes outside and grabs the razor! He tries shaving Bryan’s beard but Bryan kicks him to the mat. He hits a running knee off of the apron and rolls him in! Flying goat! YES LOCK! It’s over quick.

This was another short yet fast paced match. It was the blow off to a mini feud over the course of the week, and the razor playing a part in it was a nice touch. I wish they’d do more of these mini feuds. Barrett had more direction and reason to fight than he ever did while trading midcard wins and losses. D-Bry hit all of his crowd pleasing spots and continues his rise to prominence (which the announcers put over the entire match). Simple and effective storytelling.

OFFICIAL RESULT Daniel Bryan @ 4:09 via submission
RATING: **

THE REVEAL Sandow debuts his amazing “Sandow-ized” briefcase backstage. It appears to be a brown leather case (correct me if I’m wrong about that) and looks brilliant. It suits him well. It’s exactly what I pictured in my head when everybody in the comments was discussing what he’d do to his briefcase if he changed it. There’s a brand new legally binding contract inside. Wouldn’t it be cool if the one Cody is in possession of was still legally binding too? Sandow cashed in! Wait, what’s Cody doing here!? He’s cashing in the other contract! OH MY GOD! HISTORY IS BEING MADE! Eh? EH? Nah.

-Commercial Break-

– Awesome Wyatt family video. “Awesome” and “Wyatt Family video” are pretty synonymous with each other at this point though. It cuts into his feud with Kane and their Ring of Fire match at Summerslam.

1 vs. 3 Handicap Match: Kane vs. 3MB Jobber entrances for 3MB!? How are you going to give me 3MB without the rocking out? There’s no tags in this one. They beat on Kane for a minute. Kane tosses all three of them to the mat and follows them outside. He’s just kicking as at this point and it’s kind of a pleasure to watch. Mahal into the steps! McIntyre into the table! He LAUNCHES Slater over the announce table into the barricade. OHH’s and AHH’s from the crowd. Chokeslam to Mahal in the ring. Over.

Kane looked like a bad ass here. That’s all that was needed. I would have liked to see some 3MB rockin’ out though. I’ll let it slide this week, Creative. JUST THIS ONCE.

OFFICIAL RESULT Kane @ 1:18 via pinfall
RATING: SQUASH (entertaining squash though)

– A rocking chair hologram comes out of nowhere with Bray Wyatt talking over it. He gets on screen and cuts another fantastic promo. He likes Kane’s style. The fire that Kane calls his own will be raised up around him and will work against him. Bray says that fire can never ever, ever, ever, ever hurt him. Bray says that he’s already dead and laughs. Pretty great stuff.

-Commercial Break-

– They aired a pre-tape of Brock Lesnar. He says that he’s not just Paul Heyman’s mother. He doesn’t like CM Punk. He looks at Punk and thinks he’s a joke. The Beast IS The Best and you’re lookin’ at him. Just because Punk has tattoos and takes MMA classes he thinks that he can go with him… he can’t. There’s no professional jealousy from Brock Lesnar. He was Undisputed champion when Punk was wrestling in front of 100 people in a high school gym. He puts over Punk’s reign and says it’s impressive but he’s never wrestled anybody like Brock. Size does matter. At Summerslam, Punk is going to realize what it’s like to be victimized by Brock Lesnar. AWESOME promo. They should do these pre-tapes to build every Lesnar match. It was just as good as his interview leading up to his match with Cena at Extreme Rules last year.

-Commercial Break-

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio ADR beats Christian down aggressively to start things off and quickly goes for the headlock. Christian has no luck fighting out. He gets hit with a shoulder block, backs off, and reevaluates the situation. Alberto gets right back on him with headbutts. Christian finally mounts some offense with shoulderblocks, followed by a headlock of his own. ADR is quick to make his way out of that. ADR finds his way on the outside. He hits ADR with a baseball slide, sending Alberto into the announce table before break. Good stuff so far. Exactly what you’d expect from these two.

-Commercial Break-

ADR is in control! ADR tries crotching Christian but Christian pulls him towards the ring post. Christian rolls in and goes for a plancha off the top rope. Del Rio sidesteps it and Christian goes right into the barricade. That looked painful. ADR rolls him in and gets two. He locks in a headlock and the crowd is heating up. Christian kicks ADR a few times and charges at him. He ends up falling victim to a belly flop on the mat. ADR kicks him HARD a few times. He heckles three guys dressed as refs in the crowd. The crowd starts a USA chant. At least it makes a little bit of sense this time. He hangs Christian in the tree of woe and goes to work with kicks. He slaps Christian in the face and Christian pays him back with two huge slaps of his own. Christian goes upstairs and ADR follows. They both punch each other and fall to the outside! Things are heating up and they’re busting out some awesome spots. It’s like they were like “shit, we gotta beat RVD/Orton. They just might at this rate.

-Commercial Break-

Oh shit, we’re back! During the break, both men barely made it back into the ring by ten. ADR is in complete control as we come back. Del Rio heads upstairs and Christian whacks him in the face a few times. SUPER-RANA! ONE. TWO. NOOOOOOOO~! The crowd is molten for this match. Both men are on their knees punching each other. ADR corners Christian and charges but Christian gets his boots up. MISSILE DROPKICK BY CHRISTIAN! He goes upstairs again! CROSS BODY! TWOOOOO. What’s it gonna take!?!?!? Probably a finisher. Christian hits an elbow to the jaw and sets up for the Killswitch. ADR escapes and goes for a suplex. Christian escapes and runs at ADR. TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER by ADR! TWOOO. These guys have to get interjected in the WHC match at Summerslam, right? Christian hits an elevated sunset flip. ADR rolls through. Christian rolls through the roll through! He goes for a Killswitch but ADR escapes and hits the backstabber for TWO! SPEAR BY CHRISTIAN! TWOOOOOOOOO! Wow! You know a match is good when the end of my recap is over 20% caps. ADR punches Christian in the gut and sends him shoulder first into the post. We’re back to square one! He goes for the Cross Arm Breaker! Christian escapes and ROLLS HIM UP FOR… TWO!!!!!! Alberto hits Christian with his secondary finisher in the form of a kick to the head. ADR catches his breath for a second and approaches Christian. Christian rolls him up and gets him for three out of nowhere!

This was an incredible main event. These guys were given ample time to deliver something special and they did so in my opinion. They filled three segments to the brim with great psychology and pacing, big spots, and great counters. Even better is the fact that the crowd was molten for it. Check this out!

OFFICIAL RESULT Christian @ 22:44 via roll up
RATING: ***3/4

– Sandow comes down with a ref to cash in but Cody jumps off the top rope and hits him with a crossbody. He follows up with Crossroads to the crowds approval. I’ve never heard a crowd so lukewarm for a cash in attempt before. They loved Cody’s interference though.

OVERALL: I can’t ask for much more than this. RVD vs Orton was ***1/2 and Christian vs ADR was a quarter star higher! Everything in between was entertaining at the very least. This is definitely one of the best Smackdowns I’ve reviewed in 2013. Thank you for reading!

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