Tremendous Tirades 9.09.13: WWE Monday Night Raw

IC Champion Curtis Axel vs. Kofi Kingston: They had a perfectly average match that did nothing to make me care about either guy. Then, Curtis Axel got disqualified for kicking too much ass. Part of me thinks that it makes sense that they did the finish because Axel lost on Sunday. Also, they are trying to see that Heyman is fucked on Sunday because Axel is a loser. But with Axel being IC Champion, that hurts his already weak ass standing in the company because he has not been booked well at all. On another hand I think that the fall into insanity for Heyman is setting up him debuting a new Paul Heyman guy at the PPV. It was there, and may lead to something new, but we’ll have to wait and see.

Rating (1-10): 6.0

Bray Wyatt w/Harper and Rowan vs. Dolph Ziggler: So Dolph got the “already in the ring” jobbers entrance. They did that work for a minute deal and shot to a commercial, which I tend to hate because I have issues getting into the match when we come back from the break. What I saw was good, Harper and Rowan tried to get involved, which distracted Dolph and allowed Wyatt to his Sister Abigail for the win. Wyatt needs wins over guys, but I think that the bigger story here is that the trip to the doghouse for Dolph continues. Remember when everyone said he’d rocket to the top once he won the world title? Apparently it doesn’t work that way. I guess he spoke his mind one time too many; show, off.

Rating (1-10): 6.0

Shenanigans: Paul Heyman, Curtis Axel and a fake doctor walk into a wrestling ring. Heyman mocks the Canadian Healthcare System and then explains that his doctor says he has a possible meniscus or ACL tear. That means he is, regretfully, from the Night of Champion match with Punk. Brad Maddox, who is written as both a heel and face depending on the segment, comes out with WWE’s doctor and says Heyman can only be pulled from the match if evaluated by WWE’s doctor. As a man with numerous knee issues and surgeries under my belt, I think that this examination in the ring while sitting in a metal chair is a bit sketchy. Of course the WWE doctor revels Heyman is faking and Punk makes his way out. Heyman runs for his life as Punk destroys the fake doctor and Axel with a kendo stick. The doctor got some extra beat down, and don’t feel bad for hi, that Indy guy just made his best payday ever for that beating. It was exactly what I expected when they did the Heyman fall backstage, and was a fine segment to build that match for the PPV. I do feel that they lost some momentum and peaked a bit too early, but this was fine.

Rating (1-10): 6.5

Layla, Alicia and Layla vs. Natlaya, Naomi and Brie: Alicia Fox I believe has the most unrecognized face/heel turns in wrestling history as they randomly team her with whoever needs a teammate on TV. Dear God AJ and Lawler were so annoying on commentary. It was an attempt to sell the Divas title match Sunday, but made me want to change the channel. JBL was also annoying, as he seemed more concerned with burying AJ’s tattoo that commentating on the match. The match was ok at times, ugly at others, I mean, can we learn to bump a little? I don’t expect a five star classic, but some of the stuff they do looks so bad at times like they are getting hurt in the process of basic wrestling. Segment fail as I wanted to change the channel.

Rating (1-10): 3.0

R-Truth vs. World Champion Alberto Del Rio: About a minute in the crowd gave no fucks about this match, chanting for JBL. Cole of course had to drop a bizarre land reference, and then the crowd chanted for Cole as the commentary spoke more about Lawler surviving a heart attack in Canada. Seriously. It’s hard to care about a match when the crowd clearly is just entertaining themselves and commentary doesn’t seem to care about it either. Del Rio won clean with the arm bar. Del Rio winning clean was good as he heads into a PPV title defense, but no one seemingly caring about the match hurt the segment.

Rating (1-10): 5.0

Santino vs. Antonio Cesaro: Crowd was excited to see Santino back. They had a fun, but short match. The highlight was Cesaro hitting the giant swing for like, 45 seconds. I completely get Santino wining his return match, especially in Canada, but it comes right after they advertise the tag team contender’s match for Sunday. And with Cesaro being a part of that, it does him no favors heading into that match. Call me crazy, but with Cesaro being in a match on even the pre-PPV show, maybe he needed the win more. This came across as one of those matches that they booked without thinking, because if they had put some thought into it, they may have realized that it didn’t make all that much sense. But that’s just me.

Rating (1-10): 5.5

Damien Sandow vs. The Miz: Sandow discussed cashing in his MITB contract at the right time. This was another match that the crowd didn’t care about, but commentary at least tried. Fandango made his way out to the ring, much to the delight of the crowd, which distracted Miz and actually allowed Sandow to win a match. This made the crowd happy, continued the feud between Miz and Fandango, and actually got Sandow a victory. On top of that, the wrestling was solid as well. Good segment overall.

Rating (1-10): 7.0

WWE Champion Randy Orton vs. Goldust: Normally I hate when the champion is made to come out first, but in this case forgive it because it was to set the stage for the Goldust entrance. The crowd loved the entrance, and that energy followed through into the match. The crowd was so responsive as they were building a great story. Goldust constantly going for the pin, counters of Orton’s trademark stuff into pinning combos and all of that was played very well. They were working a good pace, taking their time, and allowing the crowd to fully get into things. It was also a great thing that the fans were responding to Goldust’s trademark stuff. This was a tremendous example of a crowd making a match way better than it was. Do not get me wrong, the match was a well worked, but rudimentary match. They kept it simple, they slowed down at the right times and did the right things at the right times, and the crowd played along perfectly. It did not have a “million flippidy doos” and dives, just a great story, solid work from two veteran performers and a crowd that wanted to be a part of it. Goldust busting out the cross Rhodes counter to the RKO for a near fall was awesome, and created a tremendous near fall. Orton won in the end, making it back to back weeks of very good matches with the Rhodes family. This was excellent stuff, simplistic in execution, but they certainly got the most out of it. Goldust, as expected, worked his ass off.

Rating (1-10): 9.0

Stephanie, I’m coming for you bitch!

RVD w/Ricardo vs. Ryback: Before the match, Del Rio came out to talk shit on RVD and Ricardo. No singlet jokes. They had a match, the crowd really didn’t care because they were chanting boring and Goldberg at Ryback. Ryback was disqualified for kicking too much ass on the floor, and then hit Shell Shock on RVD. Way to make RVD look strong for his world title match. But it makes sense, because Ryback is facing… wait, Ryback isn’t on the PPV… Well then this accomplished nothing unless they reveal that Del Rio paid off Ryback to kick the shit out of RVD.

Rating (1-10): 4.0

Daniel Bryan w/Big Show vs. US Champion Dean Ambrose w/Reigns and Rollins: This is one of those, “from the Independents to the big stage” matches…

It’s always fun to look back and see where these guys were and where they are now. Anyway I really enjoyed the match. Two guys working hard, partly because they are in positions to steal the show and because they almost need to in the eyes of some. This was very different from Orton vs. Goldust, which is a plus. This also had the crowd into it big time. Big Show played cheerleader since he could not touch the Shield, and while Bryan was able to avoid attacks from Reigns and Rollins, it was enough for Ambrose to take control after a fire filled segment from Bryan. Mr. Small Package would strike again and score the victory.

Rating (1-10): 8.0