TNA Impact Breakdown 01.21.06

The Diamonds attack before the bell, but Skipper gets tossed pretty quickly. Sabin flips Dutt onto DY for two. Dutt tries a springboard, but Simon trips him up, and Skipper hits a flipping clothesline. The Diamonds go to work on Dutt, but he hits Young with a slingshot huracanrana to get out of trouble. Sabin comes in with a clothesline and a Tornado DDT on Young for two. Dutt comes back in with a missile dropkick on Skipper and a Dragon DDT on Young. Sabin with the tree-of-woe dropkick, sets up an easy Hindu Press for the win at 2:48. 3/4*

“Why Morphine is Bad”

And for the kids…

“Why Morphine is Bad…for Kids.”

Both are available wherever books are sold.

Shark Boy starts with A1 and delivers dropkicks to Petey and him. EY comes in and gets a bite in the ass for his trouble. Killings tags in and slams Young twice. A-1 breaks up a scissors kick and gives Killings a rib breaker. We see Dave Hebner in the crowd, fresh off his refereeing in the AFC Divisional weekend games. Good job, Dave. He’s taking mental notes on the match. But for whom? The intrigue is palpable. Young gets in some Scottie II Hottie-ish offense before Killings gives him a Suplex Cutter. Hot tag to Hoyt. Hoyt cleans house, much like the fine people at Coit carpet cleaning services. If I didn’t tell you which room in the house I once murdered a hooker in, you wouldn’t be able to tell. Thanks, Coit. A pump-handle slam drops Petey, but A1 makes the save. Shark Boy gets the blind tag and comes in with a missile dropkick. He winds up in the ring with Petey and EY. Petey counters the Dead Sea Drop, but Shark Boy turns it into a huracanrana on Young. That gives Petey a moment to recover and finish with the Canadian Destroyer. **

“Ladiesandgentlemenboysandgirlschildrenofallages…” Ha ha ha…jizzle. Kip starts with Kenny and works his arm briefly. Kenny reverses to a hammerlock but runs into a boot. BG tosses Buck to the floor while Kip hits Kenny with a Jackhammer. Wait a minute. A Jackhammer. “BG.” Bill Goldberg. Hmmm. Nah, it’s just coincidence. Kip finishes with the Missouri Glass Bottom Boat Ride (Cobra Clutch Slam) at 1:55. Konnan and Homicide appear on the Impactron and issue a challenge to settle the score. I guess Homicide is hedging his bets by wearing both blue and red bandanas. He’s a true democrat. 3/4*

Shannon comes out with AJ’s “Mr. TNA” plaque. You know how AJ could get that plaque away from him? Floss. Christopher Daniels joins the commentary crew to complain about AJ submitting on his behalf. They had to take him away in the wah-mbulance. AJ tosses Moore to the floor and beats him against the railing. We come back from commercial to Moore using a chair on AJ. He suplexes Styles over the railing into the crowd. They fight all the way into the second tier of the crowd where AJ backdrops Moore to the floor and comes off the railing on top of him. Alex Shelley, of the band Flock of Seagulls, has come down to ringside to tape the match. VOYEUR! Back in the ring, AJ drop toeholds Moore into the chair and slams him into the post with the chair wrapped around Moore’s neck. Now, Samoa Joe comes out to scowl as Moore hits a Mandara Twist to damage AJ’s knee. He tries to Pillmanize AJ’s leg, but AJ gets the leg up and hits him with the chair. AJ is momentarily distracted by Joe, enabling Moore to counter the Styles Clash to a single leg crab. Daniels, obviously worried about Styles’ safety, runs down and throws in the towel for him. AJ is puzzled enough to ask Daniels what he’s doing. That gives Shannon a chance to roll AJ up for the upset win at 9:34. Daniels is all, “Ha ha ha, loser! Now you know how it feels. Buy my DVD!” **

Final Thoughts: For as little time as they have each week, TNA has set up a number of story threads that they now have to go about following. Jeff Jarrett himself is involved in at least two with the title chase and the Jackie Gayda thing. It’s a little too much to handle all these storylines and trying to put on good TV matches. A down week for wrestling, but an up week for storytelling.