411’s WWE Raw Report 02.06.06

Cue Raw intro, cue pyrotechnics, cue thousands of screaming fans – this can only mean one thing – MONDAY NIGHT RAW!

Joey Styles welcomes us to Atlanta, Georgia. The Coach tells us about the tournament for the #1 contender tonight. The King says we will see the uncensored version of the GoDaddy.com commercial.

Maria on the mic: Ladies and gentlemen, the former WWE champion, Edge!

**You Think You Know Me**

Edge and Lita make their way to the ring. They give us a look at last week’s confusing ending.

Maria: Edge, Edge…last week Lita blasted you with the WWE championship so I was wondering why…

Edge on the mic: Shut up! First of all – (boos) I am pleased to announce that live right here next week on Raw there is going to be a huge match. A huge match for the WWE Championship. It’ll be your current and undeserving champion, John Cena, versus the Rated R Superstar himself, me (boos). You may ask why do I get a rematch? It’s simple – last week I beat John Cena. I beat him by disqualification and boo all you want but that goes down in the record books as a victory for me. And that means I get a rematch. Now that DQ happened when Lita hit me in the head with the WWE Title. And that’s been the burning question all week – everybody’s been asking me Rated R what’s going on with Lita. Some people thought she maybe had a change of heart – maybe she’s sick of the Edgemeister. Maybe she has feelings for John Cena. Or maybe she came into the ring and saw me in the F U and did it to cost John Cena the match. But baby – why’d you do it? Hahhah..I don’t think so. See I’m always four moves ahead of all of you dumbasses. Lita isn’t the issue. The issue is me beating John Cena for the WWE Championship. And when I do my championship reign, the most watched championship reign in over four years, continues! And that means that the winner of the Road to Wrestlemania Tournament will face me. (HUGE you suck chants) And Maria, Maria – oh sweet little Maria – that also means when you announce me – don’t get that stupid little smile on face, you don’t bat your pretty green eyes, and you don’t call me the former WWE Champion. You got that toots?

Maria: But you should be happy to be a former WWE Champion!

Lita: Look, babe – I got this one. (SLUT chants) Listen dummy – I’m going to make this really easy for you. You take that little microphone of yours and those pretty little lips and you announce my man not as the former WWE Champion, but the future WWE champion. You got it? (Huge boos)

Maria: Ladies and gentlemen, the future WWE Champion – Edge.

**Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Hacksaw Jim Duggan is here!

Edge: Hey – I’m gonna give you two seconds…

Hacksaw: Take it easy tough man – take it EAAASY! You know I heard Vince McMahon was looking for a special guest referee for that big title match next week with John Cena. And I figure who better to call it straight down the middle than Hacksaw Jim Duggan!

Edge: Wait a minute – what the hell are you talking about?

Hacksaaw: U…S….A!!! (USA chants)

Edge: Shut up, shut up, shut up! What the hell does the USA have to do with this? What the hell are you doing – listen for the past few weeks you’ve been trying to make my girl’s life a living hell and you want to be the guest referee?

Hacksaw: All I did was call her a…

Edge: I’m warning you! Don’t do it!

Hacksaw: Ok…ok don’t worry I won’t say nothing. On second thought – Lita’s a HOOOOOO!!!

Edge attacks Duggan and pounds and stomps on him. Edge grabs the 2×4 and juts NAILS Hacksaw. Lita and Edge start to taunt Maria. Lita slaps the smile off Maria’s face and then throws her across the ring by her hair. Edge setting up for the spear! But here’s John Cena to chase him away!

I could have done without Hacksaw Jim Duggan coming out, but Edge is getting some mega heat right now. They NEED to put that strap back on him.

Chris Masters vs. Kane is NEXT!

Ad Break

Wrestlemania XXII is 55 days away.

**Kane’s music hits**

One-half of the WWE tag team champions, Kane, makes his way to the ring.

**Chris Masters’ music hits**

His opponent – from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 275 pounds – The Masterpiece, Chris Masters. Everyone go to WWE.com and vote for who you think is going to win the tournament! Tough one.

Match 1: Kane vs. Chris Masters

Lockup – Masters pushes Kane back into the corner. Big right by Kane. Kane slams Masters head into the turnbuckle. Masters off the ropes and Kane lands a big back elbow. Kane off the ropes, and he misses a massive elbow drop. Masters back in control with some rights. Masters on the second rope pounding away on Kane, but Kane pushes him off. Masters is up but he walks into a big uppercut. Irish whip by Kane – Kane ducks the head and Masters lands a swinging neckbreaker. Kane sits up! Kane throws Masters into the turnbuckle, but he walks into a back elbow. Masters picks up Kane on his right shoulder and drops Kane on the top turnbuckle. Master Lock upcoming, but Kane counters with a big shot. Big boot by Kane sends Masters sprawling. Whip by Kane into the turnbuckle followed up closely by a clothesline. And again. Sideslam by Kane. Kane heading to the top rope! Kane comes off with the clothesline attempt, but Masters sidesteps him into the Master Lock. No, he couldn’t quite get it locked in and Kane flips him over. Masterpiece with a thumb to the eyes. Off the ropes goes Masters – wrap around into the Master Lock, but Kane counters again. Masters up and he walks into a clothesline. Kane going for a running powerslam – Master Lock! Kane slips out of it again – rollup by Masters, grabs the ropes, and that’s all!

WINNER: Chris Masters (3:06)

Chris Masters has advanced to the second round of the Road to Wrestlemania Tournament.

Edge and Lita are in the back with Vince McMahon. Edge wants to know about the special guest referee. Vince says there will be one. Edge thinks it should be Lita, but Vince ain’t buying it. Lita says she’ll do anything….anything. Vince finds it repulsive, and he asks Edge what kind of man he is. He’d pimp out his own girlfriend….Vince finds that….admirable. Vince says he is going to put the two of them in the match tonight. The winner will name the special guest referee for next week. The match will be Edge and Lita vs. Maria and the Champ.

Ashley is on her way to the ring for a Royal Rumble rematch with Mickie James.

Ad Break

So, Raw is going to the dogs next week and Raw will be on Thursday. I knew this move to the USA Network was dog shit.

**Trish Stratus’ music hits**

Trish Stratus makes her way to the ring. Looks like she will be the special guest referee again this week.

Last week Mickie James ceremony for Trish Stratus was ruined by Ashley.

**Be Yourself Is All That You Can Do…..**

From New York City – the 2005 Diva Search winner, Ashley!

**Mickie James’ music hits**

And from Richmond, Virginia – Mickie James.

Match 2: Ashley vs. Mickie James

Bell rings and Mickie James attacks Ashley. Mickie stomping a mudhole in Ashley. Mickie James throws Ashley across the ring by her hair. Two rights by Ashley are thwarted by a big knee from Mickie. Ashley reverses a whip into the turnbuckle, but she runs into a back elbow. Head scissors attempt by Mickie, but Ashley counters it and she nails a few forearms. Mickie off the ropes, Ashley moves out of the way, and Mickie clobbers Trish with a flying burrito. Rollup by Ashley, Trish counts, and that’s all.

WINNER: Ashley (1:02)

Mickie James is a bit perplexed in the ring as Trish and Ashley leave the ring.

King and Coach hype the matches scheduled for the rest of Raw and we go to an…

Ad Break

On WWE.com Unlimited the Spirit Squad introduced themselves. It was gay.

Trish Stratus walks in the back and Mickie says she was sorry for hitting Trish. Mickie says that she does love Trish as a friend and as her idol and inspiration. Trish says thanks. Trish introduces her date, Jack, to Mickie. Mickie is not too happy about that Jack fellow.

Shelton Benjamin and mama walk in the back. Shelton tells mama that Ric Flair called him a mama’s boy. Shelton forgot his phone in the locker room so he’ll be right back. She says that he can’t leave because some freak always comes up in her bidness when he leaves. Shelton tells her not to worry. And the sick freak this week is…..Eugene. Eugene says he loved her movie – Big Momma’s House II. Eugene tries to take her “wig” off. Shelton comes back, and Eugene runs away. Mama gets some oxygen.

Triple H vs. Ric Flair is NEEEXT!

Ad Break

The Wrestlemania big time moment is when Pete Rose got played in 1998 by Kane in Boston.

**It’s Time To Play The Game**

Triple H makes his way to the ring for the next match.

**WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

And his opponent, from Charlotte, North Carolina – the Intercontinental Champion, “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.

Match 3: Triple H vs. Ric Flair

Flair taunts Triple H a little bit as only Ric Flair can do. Lockup into a side headlock by Triple H. Triple H off the ropes, shoulder block by Flair. Triple H off the ropes again – arm rag by Flair into a side headlock. Trips backs Flair into the buckle. Looking for a clean break? No way, Flair blocks a right by Trips and turns him around into some chops and rights. Trips off the ropes, Flair ducks, and Trips lands a knee lift. Triple H going for the pedigree, but Flair backdrops him over the top rope!

Ad Break (1:38)

Ad Break Ends (4:28)

We’re back live as Flair is in control. During the break, Flair sent Triple H shoulder first into the steel chairs. Back to the ring action – Flair is off the ropes and Triple H lands a huge a spinebuster. Triple H on top of Flair, and he’s just raining down punches. Trips off the ropes and he lands a knee drop to the forehead of Flair. Trips taunts Flair a bit, and he lands another knee drop to the forehead of Flair. Trips pounds away on Flair with the rights and lefts. Flair collapses as only Flair can. Another knee drop by Triple H! Cover gets 2. Flair slides to the outside, but Triple H grabs him on the apron and lands a delayed vertical suplex. Wow – that was a thing of beauty. Cover gets another 2. Flair tries to pull himself up, but Triple H lands him with a right. Flair responds with a chop. Another chop – and again! And a few more. Irish whip by Flair – Flair drops the head and Trips lands a swinging neckbreaker. Triple H with a strut. Here comes a figure four attempt by Triple H! Flair pushes him off into the turnbuckle! Rollup by Flair gets two. Chop by Flair. And again! Three more chops and now a ton of rights and lefts to the body of the Game. Whip by Flair sends Triple H into the turnbuckle, but he runs right into the back elbow by the Game. Triple H to the second rope – Triple H comes off, but Flair catches him with a boot to the face. Classic chop block by Flair! And again! WOOOOOO!! Strut by Flair. Flair to t he top rope, but Game is up – poke in the eye by the Nature Boy! Forearm between the eyes by Flair off the top rope! Cover – 1….2…kick out. Here comes a Figure Four by Flair! He’s got it locked in!! Flair flips off the Game! Trips looking to get to the ropes! Referee counts a two count as Trips shoulders were down. Triple H finally reaches the ropes. Rights, lefts, and chops by Flair in the corner. The referee gets in the middle of it, and Flair landed a thumb to the eye of the referee. Low blow by Flair on The Game! Chops by Flair! Rights by Flair! Off the ropes goes the game, Flair ducks again – pedigree. Triple H wins.

WINNER: Triple H (12:01)

I hate this whole tournament bullshit. We all know Triple H is going to win. And I’m not sure any of us really want him to.

ABC censored the GoDaddy.com commercial, but the WWE is going to show the uncensored version. I admit – it was a pretty hot commercial.

John Cena is lacing his boots in the back as Maria walks in. Maria is not too excited about the match tonight. She keeps blabbering on and on and on until John finally shuts her up with a big, sloppy kiss! Maria says she feels much better.

Shawn Michaels vs. Big Show is NEXT!

Ad Break

We’re back – Wrestlemania XXII’s official theme song is “Big Time” by Peter Gabriel.

**WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLL….well it’s the Big Show**

Making his way to the ring, one-half of the tag team champions, The Big Show.

**Ohhh….ooooh….Shaaaaaaaawn**

His opponent, from San Antonio, Texas – “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels.

Shawn Michaels got set up last week by Vince and Shane McMahon. I’m pretty sure we’ll hear from these two again tonight. And as I type that…

**No Chance That’s What You’ve Got**

Vince: Hey everybody look it’s Shawn Michaels. Hey Shawn – how you doing? By the way Shawn I came out here to inform you that tonight is your lucky tonight. The reason is that my son Shane McMahon is not here tonight. If he were here tonight he’d be coming down to that ring and kicking your butt just like he did last week. I was going to ask him to be here, but I changed my mind. I changed my mind about something else as well. Remember last week you were pondering about all the things you might do. You said you might just walk out – and then you aptly stated that you would sue me for breach and take every cent I’m worth. But you know – I changed my mind. I’m gonna let you walk out on your contract now. As a matter of fact, I’m going to insist that you walk out on your contract. Next week in that very ring we’re gonna have a Shawn Michaels retirement party. All you’ve gotta do is sign in the dotted line right next to my signature, I promise not to sue you, and then quite frankly Shawn your career will be over. I mean that’s one of the things you were considering. And by the way (asshole chants) – SHUT UP! I don’t know whether you’re considering changing your mind, but I’m not going to allow it. Your appearance at your own retirement party – that’s not optional, that’s mandatory. And another thing – since you’re going to retire next week Shawn (YOU SUCK chant). They’re referring to their own city – I can’t get over it. Since you’re going to retire next week, you know – what’s the matter you don’t want Shawn to retire? Oh you’re gonna retire next week – listen your appearance is not optional, it’s mandatory Shawn. You’re not gonna be at Wrestlemania since you’re not gonna be in the main event you have been replaced.

**Ain’t No Stopping Me Nooooooow**

Shawn Michaels heads to the back pissed off.

Ad Break

Match 4: Shelton Benjamin vs. Big Show

This match has already started as Shelton lands some right to Show. Show stops that with a big knee to the abdomen. Show backs Shelton into the corner and Show lands a big chop. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh – another chop! Another big chop by Show. Show sends Shelton into the corner – Shelton leaps up on to the top rope and Show catches him. Show slams Shelton’s back into the top turnbuckle. Show picks up Shelton and sets him on the top rope. Big chop again by Show! Poor Shelton. Show climbing the top rope! Shelton lands a few rights – and he drops the throat of the Big Show across the top rope. Shelton back in the ring. Shelton goes for a boot, but Show catches him, swings him, and Shelton lands a dragon whip. Shelton to the apron – springboard bulldog by Shelton! Cover gets 1. Shelton with a form of a DDT or neckbreaker. Cover – 1…2…huge kickout by Show sends him across the ring. Clothesline by Show – and again! Irish whip by Show and Show lands a big bodyslam. Shelton in one corner, Show in the other – big behind splash by Show. All of a sudden the referee is knocked down. Mama grabs a hold of Show’s ankle. Shelton tries to attack, but Show throws him off. Mama finally lets go, but Shelton lands a roundhouse kick that sends the Show to the outside. Shelton on the apron, comes off, but meets a big chop from the Show. Show with a gorilla press slam throws Shelton back into the ring. Mama starts pounding on the back of Show, and Show tells her not to touch him. Mama doesn’t look so good, and now she collapses. Meanwhile in the ring Show lands a chokeslam and gets the pin.

WINNER: Big Show (6:33)

Big Show looks concerned for Shelton’s mama. The referee calls for help and some trainers make their way to the ring. Someone says they aren’t getting a pulse.

Ad Break

During the break Shelton was sad as his mother was being stretchered out of the arena. Todd Grisham is being joined by Carlito. Carlito talks a lot of Spanish.

Carlito: All this talk about Rob Van Dam trying to get even with Carlito. That was six months ago. He cheated Carlito at the Royal Rumble. And he thinks of all nights he’s going to get even with Carlito tonight. I have a chance to go to the Main Event in Wrestlemania . Wrestlemania needs Carlito in the main event. The fact that I have the chance to go to the Wrestlemania main event and beat Rob Van Dam in the process – that’s cool.

Smackdown Rebound – Randy Orton challenged Rey for his spot in Wrestlemania. It was later accepted after Orton pinned Rey in the tag team main event.

**I Spit In The Face of People Who Don’t Want To Be Cool**

Carlito makes his way to the ring for the final first round match of the Road to Wrestlemania Tournament.

**Rob Van Dam’s music hits**

His opponent – from Battle Creek, Michigan, Rob….Van….Dam.

Match 5: Carlito vs. Rob Van Dam

Rob Van Dam chases Carlito around the ring and lands a clothesline. No bell yet as RVD pounds away on Carlito on the outside. RVD rolls Carlito into the ring and there’s the bell. RVD pounding away on Carlito. Carlito tries to fight back, but RVD lands those lethal kicks and roundhouse kick. Back on the outside as RVD sends Carlito front face into the ring barrier. RVD drops Carlito chest first on the ring barrier. Carlito is still laying across that barrier as RVD climbs to the ring apron. Corkscrew legdrop by Rob…Van….Dam!!!

Ad Break (:53)

Ad Break Ends (4:06)

We’re back as Carlito is in control with a back headlock applied. During the break RVD went for another high-risk maneuver from the inside to the outside, but Carlito moved out of the way and RVD went face first into the barrier. RVD working his way to his feet – elbow to the abdomen – RVD off the ropes, but Carlito thwarts that with a standing dropkick. Cover gets 2. Carilto stomping the hell out of RVD. Carlito chokes out RVD with the bottom rope. Irish whip by Carlito and he lands a big back elbow. Cover by Carlito gets 2. Back headlock applied again by Carlito. Big RVD chants. RVD with some elbows into the abdomen of Carlito. Standing dropkick to the knee of Carlito. Standing legdrop by RVD. Modified rolling thunder into the splash by RVD! Rolling thunder again by RVD! Cover gets 2! Standing bodyslam by Carlito. Split leg moonsault by RVD, but Carlito got his knees up. Rollup by Carlito, locks the tights, but only gets two. Rollup by RVD – another two count. Carlito to the outside – double springboard into a senton bomb by Carlito! HOLY SHIT! Impressive! Cover gets another 2! Carlito going for a german, but RVD counters with a back elbow. Carlito counters that with his patented back cracker! Cover by Carlito gets another 2. Carlito rolls to the outside, and he grabs a chair. Carlito brings the chair into the ring, but the referee tries to pull it out of his hands. VAN DAMINATOR!!! RVD to the top rope – FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! Cover – 1…..2….3!! Great match!

WINNER: Rob Van Dam (8:55)

That frog splash was some sweet ass shit. So the second round consists of RVD vs. Chris Masters and Triple H vs. Big Show. Those matches will be next week on Thursday night.

Poll results on WWE.com has RVD winning the vote with 45% of the vote. Triple H was second with 24%.

Edge and Lita walk in the back as we head to…….

Ad Break

**You Think You Know Me**

Edge and Lita make their way to the ring for the main event.

**John Cena’s music hits**

The Champ and Maria make their way to the ring. I love Maria.

Match 6: Edge and Lita vs. John Cena and Maria

Edge tries to attack before the bell, but Cena catches him with a right. Cena pounds away on Edge and lands a fisherman suplex. Cena with a head of steam, but Edge sends him shoulder first into the steel ring post. Edge grabs Cena’s hand and tags in Maria. Meanwhile – while waiting for Maria to get in Edge lands an Edgecution and throws Cena to the outside. Edge then throws Cena shoulder first into the steel steps. Edge tags in Lita. Maria refuses to come into the ring so Lita pulls her in by her hair. Maria is in doggy position, and I’m having fantasies. Lita continues to won Maria. Lita chokes Maria out on the bottom rope while Edge taunts her. Lita pets Maria for some reason. Big knee to the face by Lita. Textbook side Russian leg sweep by Lita. Just pin her Lita and let’s get this over with. Lita going for the spear, but Maria moved out of the way and tagged Cena. Cena with a clothesline. Cena off the ropes – shoulderblock! Belly to back sit down powerbomb by Cena. You can’t see me – Lita in the ring! Edge attacks from behind as Cena was distracted. Lita to the top as Cena is being held by Edge. Cena moves out of the way and Lita lands a hurricanrana on Edge. Cena and Lita are alone in the ring now. Edge crawls back in as Lita flashes Cena. Cena sidesteps the spear attempt and Lita gets the bad end. Maria tags in and gets the cover on Lita.

WINNERS: John Cena and Maria (4:26)

Cena on the mic: Oh baby – we just won which means I get to pick the special guest referee for the championship match next week. Just so happens I found somebody – they were in town today, saw em in the back, and I didn’t want to be confident or nothing – but I already asked and they accepted. So I ain’t goin’ make nobody wait so I’m gonna let you know who it is right now. This is the perfect person just in case next week the Rated R Superstar is feeling a little hardcore. Miiiiick Foooooley!

**Foley’s music hits**

Mick Foley is here and he will be the special guest referee next week. I wonder who will win next week, and I wonder which guest referee will be wrestling Edge at Wrestlemania XXII.