411’s OVW/HWA Recap Extravaganza 10.29.06

Apparently one of Kenny Bolin’s employees at Bolin Services reads the recap and other Internet articles concerning OVW and keeps him informed of what people are saying about him. He was so mad after hearing about my comments last week that he contacted me in a fit of rage…here’s what he had to say:

“Listen up punk!….that was no Sea food shop…..that was “Ocean Side Seafood Restaurant” located at 3707 Klondike Ln. in Louisville Ky. phone # 502-454-3737. and for your information…i do the best Yogi Bear in 7 states!”

My sources tell me that Bolin’s on a seafood diet…you know, if he sees food he eats it. I’ll see about going there the next time I’m in Louisville, hopefully he won’t have cleaned out the place yet because the food’s so delicious. So you fans in the Kentuckiana area better go to the Ocean Side Seafood Restaurant as soon as possible, and I certainly hope he hasn’t talked them into giving him all that food for free!

Ohio Valley Wrestling

Last week, the OVW Southern Tag Team Titles changed hands!

“Paul Bearer” & “Undertaker” welcome us to the OVW Halloween Special! Nice eye rolling into the back of the head action by the Undertaker!

Father Dean Hill & Jerry “The King” Bolin run down the card.

Match 1: Steve Lewington vs. Elijah Burke

Elijah’s been very impressive in WWE since his debut on Smackdown, it’ll be interesting to see if Lewington can hang with him here. Nice somersault splash by Lewington for 2, he works over the left arm of Burke until Burke goes to the chop factory in the corner. Hip toss and a dropkick by Lewington, sunset flip for 2, then an arm drag into an arm bar. Burke yanks Lewington down by the hair, but Lewington gets another arm drag and arm bar into a hammerlock, Burke with the advantage, nice kicks, but a clothesline by Lewington gets 2. Thumb to the eye by Burke, nice short arm clothesline gets a 2 count. Knee drop by Burke gets 2. Boots in the corner by Burke, he chokes Lewington on the ring rope….Lewington comes back with a series of clotheslines, elbow, then some forearms, European uppercut takes Burke down. Scoop and a powerslam by Lewington gets 2. Burke sent into the corner, Lewington tries a ten punch mount in the corner, Burke pushes him off, rolls Lewington up with his feet on the ropes and gets the win! Lewington could hang with Burke, but Elijah was just a little too smart for him there. Father Hill hopes the Good Lord will forgive Burke for cheating to win a wrestling match. Well, if He doesn’t, every wrestler in recorded history is going straight to hell.

Mean Gene Baltimore is backstage with Deuce Mahogan. Macho Man Randy Savage & Andre the Giant make cameo appearances. Wow, Andre shrunk. Here’s the Incredible Hulk Reeves and Robin Bolen. Paul Burchill in a suit is none too impressed with the man dressed like a pirate. Headbutt to the pirate!

Avatar (so Al Snow still has that outfit?) & “Jon Bolen” help the pirate out while the Rockers (Cody Michaels & Marty Spears) wonder who sent Cherry flowers last week. Apparently it was KISS. They want a title shot, and they’ll get one! Haha, they actually didn’t! Runnels & Spears aren’t all that bright.

Match 2: Kevin “Real McCoy” McCulloch vs. Chris Rombola

Rombola is busy playing to the crowd before the match, so McCulloch attacks him from behind. Nice jacket. McCulloch dominates Rombola early on, Rombloa with brief spurts of offense but it’s all McCulloch here. Choking away on Rombola, he hits a shoulder tackle, 3 clotheslines, elbows McCulloch down, punches by Rombola, the ref stops him from throwing the closed fist, does not stop the poke to the eye! Slam by Rombola, elbow drop, Rombola goes up top, cross body block gets 3! Chris Rombla with the victory in his debut on OVW TV.

“Austin Powers” talks to Vanessa while El Aero Fuego macks on a police woman. Niiice. Charles “The Prisoner” Evans breaks it up and pulls off Fuego’s mask to reveal…FREDDY KRUGER? Damn, I knew he looked familiar, but not that familiar! Oh, that’s a mask too. And now he’s Spiderman! Evans wonders who goes to the time to put on three masks.

Wick’s Pizza Party Zone!

OVW Southern Tag Team Title Match: Champions Cody Runnels & Shawn Spears vs.Punch & Buck

I’m guessing Punch & Buck were dressed up as 2 out of 4 members of KISS earlier on. I like the Darkness as much as anybody, but Billy Idol trumps them as far as entrance music goes. Spears & Buck start it off, Buck’s dancing does not impress Spears, Runnels tags in and gets a backslide for 2, tag to Punch, arm drag by Runnels while Bolin is getting sick of their matching attire. Wow, an Interns reference! Before my time, but impressive. Punch & Buck get the advantage for a second, but not much longer, this is pretty much a match to establish Runnels & Spears as your new top tag team. They sure like to do their monkey flips. Double atomic drop, Hart Attack off the top (Golden Lasso, they call it) finishes it! Impressive showing for Runnels & Spears.

Mean Gene standing by with the Three Stooges (Kruel, Kraven & Osbourne). Kraven & Kruel will beat High Dosage tonight, and have beaten them a hundred times before.

OVW Sexy Diva Halloween Contest

King Bolin is the judge for this thing…lucky bastard. I don’t know who all these girls are, but I’d sure like to get to know them better. Beth Phoenix is at ringside, the winner of this thing will face her for the women’s title next week. Cave Girl Serena then we have Nurse Melody, Snow White, Cat (w/milk on a boob), two Little Bo Peeps including Cherry, who’s demonstration is interrupted by Deuce & Domino. Those bastards…well, at least they didn’t take the other Bo Peep! Beauty Queen ODB is next, followed by the policewoman, then Kelly Kelly as…well, I’m not sure what, but it’s niiiiiiice. Snow White Ariel is next, and Kelly Kelly introduces her to her stick. King Bolin declares that the Cat wins…wait a minute, now they’re having an argument over who paid Bolin off to win…apparently most of them did. I’m guessing they paid him off with seafood! Bolin gets the boots put to him! Serena & Beth stare each other down…she’ll be defending the title next week!

Super Sosay is out in a very nice superhero outfit to introduce “Fearless” Jack Bull. Man, OVW has some nice eye candy. And by that I mean Sosay. Bull is up on top of the entrance…oh god, he’s wearing a speedo! I’m gonna hurl! He’s got goggles on…apparently he’s going to dive head first into a bucket of water on the floor. I don’t see this ending well for ol’ Fearless. Please change the camera angle! He drinks from the flask, but before he jumps, Joey Mercury kicks the water bucket aside and takes Sosay’s microphone. He’s disgusted by this because he’s paid his dues and the sport is his life. He won’t let Jack Bull make a mockery out of it! You know, this promo’s pretty funny coming from a guy wearing a ridiculous fur coat. He’s a drunk, a fraud, a con man and a liar. Hey, I resemble that remark! Bull calls Mercury a jerk, and the fans seem to agree. Mercury might be a jerk, but Bull is a fraud. He doesn’t want Bull cutting into his TV time…he wants a referee, and opponent, and Bull to sit up there and take notes of what a real pro wrestler looks like.

Match 4: Joey Mercury vs. ?

Mercury goes to work right away on whoever this guy is, nice forearm off the second rope, here comes the Rodeo Driver, and he does the ol’ Chris Jericho cocky cover for 3! Mercury tosses the man out of the ring in 51.9 seconds. He challenges Bull to beat his time in an actual wrestling match next week, Bull accepts it, but says Mercury will have to accept his challenge once he beats the time. This should be pretty interesting.

Jacob Duncan tells Father Hill to shut up and claims he didn’t steal anything. He is the Real OVW Heavyweight Champion, and wants to defend the title. Let’s see if he gets a challenger…well, here’s Devin Driscoll, Chris Rombola, El Aero Fuego, High Dosage, Cody Runnels & Shawn Spears! And somebody from out of the crowd wearing a costume! It’s Chet the Jet! All the good guys hold Chet back until he spears Duncan! He punches away on Duncan while they try to keep him off of him. Well, they think better of it now since he’s doing well. It’s a match now!

Non-Sanctioned match for the OVW Title: Chet the Jet vs. Jacob Duncan

Chet punches away, but eventually Duncan charges out of the corner with a big boot. Chet blocks a chokeslam attempt, clotheslines by Chet, cover gets 2. The good guys rally the fans behind Chet while Duncan beats him up. Chet wipes himself out on the ring rope, Duncan whips him into the corner, Chet fights back with a spinebuster for 2. He couldn’t do his big move due to his injuries, Duncan hits a chokeslam and gets a 3 count! We officially have a new OVW Champion, and his name is Jacob Duncan. The faces check on Chet as the show ends.

So what happened to that tag match with High Dosage & Kraven & Kruel? Oh well, I’m guessing they’ll do that next week.

HWA Adrenaline

This was taped after the big To Hell and Back show, so here’s the results from that show so you have an idea of what’s going on:

1. Gotti defeated Kimera by disqualification
2. JT Stahr defeated Tarek the Great and Scottie Murray to win the HWA Television title
3. Brian Beech & Brian Jennings defeated Sami Callihan & Ganger
4. The Irish Airborne defeated GP Code, Foreign Intelligence, The Hippies, Montezuma Express, and The Mavericks to win the HWA Tag Team titles (tag team gauntlet match)
5. Heather Owens pinned Nevaeh
6. Matt Dillinger defeated Brother Clay by disqualification
7. Chad Collyer defeated Pepper Parks by submission

Your hosts are Chris Kurtis, Hooks & Amanda Fire.

Former HWA Tag Team Champions Foreign Intelligence are in the ring…their manager Patrick Black wants the new HWA Tag Team Champions Irish Airborne in the ring right now. Manager Brock Guffman comes down because they’re doing a photo op. Black congratulates Guffman, it’s a mutual admiration society in here. The FI want the IA to give them a title shot because they’re all friends. Guffman claims that the Mulkeys and the mighty team of Aldo Montoya & the Shockmaster want title shots. Their lawyers will contact each other. Here come the Mavericks, they want a title shot too because they got ripped off at To Hell And Back.On November 11 it’ll be the IA vs. the FI vs. the Mavs. The managers hug.

Gotti is in the ring running down Kimera for using a chain on him To Hell And Back. Nice shirt. Here come Kimera and his girlfriend Mary Elizabeth, Gotti & Kimera fight in the entranceway and in the crowd, and in the ring security is pretty ineffective in breaking it up. Gotti getting a chair makes Kimera keep his distance though.

TV Title Match from To Hell And Back: Champion Scotty Murray vs. JT Stahr vs. Tarek the Great

They have a discussion where Stahr makes no friends. Double back drop and dropkick by Murray & Tarek. Tarek rolls Murray up for 2, small package gets 2, hip toss gets 2, clothesline by Tarek. Nice palm strikes, Stahr pulls Tarek out of the ring and punches away on him on the floor, Murray dives onto them! Murray & Stahr go at it, drop sault by Murray gets 2. Gutbuster by Stahr gets 2, Sunset flip by Tarek into a german suplex gets 2. Neckbreaker on Murray gets 2…we move later on into the match and Tarek hits a tornado DDT on Murray while Stahr is out, Tarek with a brainbuster, Stahr covers Murray for the three count! OK little match there.

We’re back, and a random blonde chick comes down to the ring while Deja Vu and Super Zeta have a match already joined in progress. They are rather big so I’m guessing this will be short. Clotheslines by Vu, sidewalk slam, the random blonde chick is up on the ring apron to talk to Vu…Zeta rolls him up for the three count! The random blonde chick distracts Vu, then Sean Casey and Josh Rafferty come down and hit him with a chair. Casey mocks the GP Code by speaking ebonics while Andre Heart gets choked out. I have no idea what this guy’s talking about. So Samantha is the random blonde chick, and now we’ve got three of the Five Most Wanted. Josh Rafferty wants some of Matt Stryker. Well, here comes Matt Stryker, and he clears the ring!

Tack is in the ring to show some footage from To Hell And Back. Apparently Dr. Bones talked some smack about him. Bones makes fun of his arm drags and hip tosses. Tack didn’t show up, so they didn’t have their match. Apparently somebody very close to him fell ill the night before the show. He wonders what’s in Bones’s head, and here comes Bones to explain. He makes fun of Tack being on backyard wrestling tapes. He wants Tack to stop being a technical wrestler and go back to his high flying ways. Bones challenges Tack to a technical wrestling match next week. Tack’s a joke and he sucks.

Chad Collyer & Brian Jennings vs. Pepper Parks & Dick Rick

Well, originally it was supposed to be Parks & Cannonball Callihan, but Dick Rick decides that the Crew is better off with a sick Dick Rick than a healthy Callihan. You know, it doesn’t send a very good message about the HWA product when guys come out talking about how they skip the HWA’s bigger shows because they can get better paychecks working elsewhere on the same night. I know the in thing to do now that Vince Russo’s back is to do the “omg shoot promo”, but more often than not they make everybody involved look like idiots. Anyway, Collyer & Parks start it off, dropkick by Collyer, tag to Jennings, double hip toss, back drop by Jennings, tag to Collyer, Collyer misses in the corner, tag to Dick Rick, Collyer punches away, tag to Jennings, big flying clothesline, kicks in the corner, tag to Collyer, running kneedrop gets 2, Rick & Parks get the advantage on Collyer as we go to commercial…

Collyer makes the hot tag to Jennings, and he’s a house of fire, leg drop to Dick Rick, clotheslines in the corner like Delirious, Collyer & Parks in, this thing’s broken down…here comes Callihan with a chain…or not? No, he doesn’t help Dick Rick, Jennings rolls him up for 2 while Parks & Callihan argue outside. Clothesline by Collyer, off the ropes, Callihan trips him, Collyer’s distracted, Dick Rick rolls him up for the pinfall. Rick & Parks yell at Callihan, Collyer & Jennings toss them outside. Callihan eventually joins them outside after much deliberation, and Dick Rick challenges Collyer to a match for the HWA title. Collyer will put the title on the line if Dick Rick puts his career on the line! Dick Rick agrees to it.

We see clips from To Hell And Back to end the show.

Final Thoughts: It was probably a good idea to have Duncan actually win the title, but the match was pretty anti-climatic. Whether that’s due to Chet being injured for real or an attempt to hide Duncan’s weaknesses I’m not really sure, but at least now we have all the “belts being stolen” storylines in wrestling resolved. For now. OVW was fun stuff…you can’t go wrong with hot chicks and people in funny costumes, can you?

HWA’s show had way too much talking for my liking. Their shows are better when there’s more wrestling, but they seem to be building towards shows with more wrestling. Hopefully they’ll keep it towards that end of the spectrum.