411’s Hogan Knows Best Report 11.12.06

Father: Hulk
Mother: Linda
Daughter: Brooke
Son: “Nasty” Nick
Friend, babysitter and comedy relief: Brian Knobs

Linda and Hulk don’t understand when their neighbors mention that they keep kosher. But when Linda insists on throwing a block party, Hulk and Nick must find kosher food before the guests arrive.

We begin the week as Linda messes with the dogs. She is going to take them for walks and since there is like 6 dogs, she has trouble. She says hi to some people and they ignore her, nice. She comes back and tells Hulk that the neighbors aren’t nice.

We see a ton of shit from their renovation, garbage mostly and the cops arrive! He comes in and tells them that the neighbors are complaining about the trash. Linda doesn’t want trouble and he welcomes them as they promise to deal with the issues.

Linda decides to wow the neighbors with her cooking skills, and buys cookie dough to make them cookies. Nick appears and they apparently don’t know how to set the oven. Nick is growing a beard and has a “grill” which annoys Linda. She wants to make peace with the neighbors. She practices a deal and Hulk appears. She tells him the plan and he says she can go on her own. Hulk eats cookies as he contemplates going. Nick says no way and leaves.

They hop on a SCOOTER (~!) and go to visit the neighbors. House #1 is kosher and refuse the cookie, they don’t know what kosher is. House #2 is kosher as well. They are polite and all. House #3 has kids and are polite. They are kosher as well, damn. House #4 is a guy name Ken, and he eats cookies! YES!

Later that day Linda tells Brooke about KosherMania. Brooke doesn’t know what that means either. Nick seems to know what it means, well more than the rest.

Back from commercial and Nick makes water balloons. He shoots them and upsets people. He hits someone on a bike, tremendous.

Linda has invited the whole neighborhood for a party. Hulk doesn’t seem thrilled. They talk about what to server, and they have to have kosher stuff. Hulk keeps saying pickles. There is a kosher store in town and she sends Hulk and Nick there. Hulk wants to BBQ. Linda wants to be nice since she made invitations. Nick wants chips, salsa and burgers.

Hulk and Nick shop and buys an assload of stuff and Nick searches for ass. He enquires about kosher stuff and they get it explained. Hulk thinks it is an underground society. YES!

Hulk and Nick returns and Linda says it isn’t enough and is wrong. Linda demands that they go find kosher food. Nick finds kosher world on his phone and they leave.

Back from commercial and They arrive at Kosher world to shop. He asks about kosher food and mentions the damn pickles again. They have it explained to them. They buy a bunch of kosher meats and go home to show Linda. He explains the fruit and such is kosher. He explains to them what kosher means and we are all enlightened. Party day is here and Nick goes to search for bitches with a pal. Scooters are so bad ass. They harass neighbors and want to visit and they get some bottled water from a lady neighbor. Nick hits on her and she questions if she has a daughter. He asks is she is small or big…Jesus. PARTY TIME! They have people set up for them of course and Linda is happy. A rabbi is there, who lives across the street. Jimmy Hart is there! Another rabbi is here they don’t shake unless it is their wife. Hulk is grilling and says he has kosher stuff, but it is all on the same grill, which is a no-no. You have to have a kosher grill. The grill has to be put in something called a “metz-bah” or some shit. Rabbi set him straight. The rabbi appreciates his efforts and Hulk feels like he learned something. The family seems happy, hoorah!