The Impact Crater 09.20.07

Welcome, one and all, to the Impact Crater. As always, I’m Ryan, and what follows are my thoughts on the “wrestling show” that TNA has decided to inflict upon me this week.

Quick & Dirty Results

Segment #1: Ricky Banderas def. Eric Young
Segment #2: Ron Killings def. AJ Styles
Segment #3: Karen Angle/Sting Interview Segment
Segment #4: Christian def. Fatu

The Full Show

Angle Numero Uno: Karen Cuffed, Sting a Wuss

This week’s big advancement of the Sting/Kurt Angle feud involved Kurt attempting to get his wife to apologize for slapping Sting, because they determined that Sting could make their lives a living hell if he really wanted to. Sting’s response? He got a restraining order against Karen and used it to get her arrested. I’ll preface this all by saying that there are NUMEROUS holes in this angle from a legal standpoint, but I’m going to ignore those for the most part just because we’re talking about professional wrestling, and they can’t exactly be held to the same fact checking standard as a show like Law & Order.

However, even without the legal problems, this angle is still a poor idea. The show opened with Kevin Nash putting over how sadistic Sting could be when provoked. He talked about the guy as though he was a dangerous, off-kilter maniac who could rip the Angles limb from limb. This sounded like the perfect way to build up Sting as a title contender for the pay per view, and it was some of the better mic work that Nash has done since joining TNA. (Yeah, his X Division stuff was funny, but building up a title contender will always be one hundred times more important than good jokes.) So, how did TNA follow up on this promo about Mr. Borden being a sadistic son of a gun? They had Sting get his revenge on Kurt and Karen Angle by going to court and getting a piece of paper that will keep the 120 pound woman from coming anywhere near him until the pay per view. That’s not the move of a badass hero. That’s the move of a scared little boy who doesn’t think that he’ll be able to defy the odds and win the championship belt. It’s the exact opposite of what you want your babyface challenger to be headed in to the main event of a major pay per view. Well done, TNA.

And, aside from Nash’s work building up Sting, let me just say that the opening vignette featuring Big Daddy Cool and the Angles was one of the most obnoxious things that I’ve ever seen on TNA television. First of all, somebody in this promotion has apparently determined that there’s something interesting about segments in which individuals yell and talk over each other as much as humanly possible. Here’s a hint for you, TNA: When three people are arguing and talking over one another, NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON. I realize that, in real life, people yell at each other when they’re fighting. However, this is not real life. This is a television show. If you’re going to get people to follow your plots, they need to be able to understand your dialogue. On top of that, we had a man randomly walking in during the middle of the argument, slipping Karen Angle a piece of paper, and walking off. The paper turned out to be the restraining order from Sting, but it was such a minor thing during this segment that I’d be amazed if most fans put two and two together when Sting was telling Karen to look at the “letter” during his promo later in the evening. Last but certainly not least was the camera work. I don’t know if I’m the only person who was bothered by this, but the camera simply would not hold still during this segment. It was constantly bobbing up and down and weaving back and forth, which made me feel like I was going to vomit. What is that even supposed to accomplish?

Angle Numero Dos: Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

Last week, I said that I would have no problem with Fatu joining the TNA roster so long as he brings his working boots. Well, he made his in-ring debut this week, and I officially have a problem with Fatu joining the TNA roster. He appeared to be at his heaviest career weight, moved around the ring at a sluggish pace, and didn’t do any of the power spots that made him an entertaining in-ring performer in WWE. Aside from Fatu’s apparent lack of motivation, let me just say that I can’t believe TNA would book something like Christian versus Fatu for the main event of an episode of Impact. This is a company that is attempting to promote themselves as an alternative to WWE. How have they decided to pull this off? Why, they’ve decided to do it by running matches that would have been part of the Smackdown midcard in 2003! I know that the idea is that “casual wrestling fans” will catch a contest like this and think, “Hey, I used to like these guys! I’d better stop and watch the show!” However, I’ve got news for TNA. We’re in a period in which casual wrestling fans just flat out aren’t interested in professional wrestling. If they were, we’d see more people tuning in to Raw and Smackown on a regular basis. Instead, we’ve got the same three or four million folks who ALWAYS watch WWE programming watching WWE programming. You’re not going to suddenly start drawing in “casual fans” if the biggest wrestling promotion in the world can’t do it. What this promotion really needs to focus on is making more of its current Impact viewers in to PPV buyers. If they must get new eyeballs on Impact, don’t try to appeal to casual wrestling fans. Try to appeal to the two or three million hardcore wrestling fans who are watching WWE but not TNA . . . and, believe it or not, that’s not going to be accomplished by presenting a product that these fans will view as yesterday’s news.

Oh yeah, Samoa Joe was involved in this somewhere. Frankly, I approve of TNA’s recent booking of Joe. Now that he’s moved away from Kurt Angle, he’s allowed to be the dominant badass again, and that is the character Joe was born to play. Now they need to get him back to winning some matches in order to compliment his success in big brawls with rivals.

Angle Numero Tres: Tag Team Turmoil

I honestly do not understand what is going on with the Bound for Glory Tag Team Title match. Obviously, it’s set to be Pac-Man & Ms. Pac-Man going up against AJ Styles & Tyson Tomko. But who are the faces? Who are the heels? I don’t know the answer to those questions, and I can’t imagine that anybody in TNA does either. Both teams were heels prior to heading in to this feud, as Styles/Tomko were aligned with top bad guy Christian Cage and the Pacs were beating down and spraypainting babyfaces like Eric Young. This week we saw the first major interaction between the two teams, with Ms. Pac-Man wrestling against Styles. Even after watching the match, I for the life of me can’t determine who occupies what role in this feud. It looked like AJ Styles was trying to wrestle as a face, since he controlled early on, only to be cut off by Killings before making a comeback. However, Styles always looks like he’s wrestling as a face, even when he’s supposed to be a heel, so that might not be any indication of what’s going on. Then, to muddy the waters even more, both Pac-Man AND Tomko interfered on the behalf of their respective partners. Though you can argue that Pac-Man was supposed to be the heel because his breach of the rules was more egregious (using a weapon), we still had Styles and Tomko out in the main event to once again help uber-heel Christian.

The only thing that I can deduce is that this is supposed to be a heel versus heel match. Historically, those don’t work out too well. As such, I would’ve steered clear from building it on TV. If you’re going to run an angle that is bound to get a bunch of subpar reactions, you may as well just get one subpar reaction on PPV instead of several of them across weeks worth of television supposedly designed to get people to buy said PPV.

And the Rest . . .

~ Ricky Banderas attacked Eric Young and Shark Boy before being run off by Rhino. Ricky Banderas then choked Sting with a noose at the end of the show. Last week, Ricky Banderas took out Abyss. Who the hell is Ricky Banderas supposed to be feuding with, exactly? I guess he could just fight them all in the Doomsday Chamber of Monster’s Clockwork House of Metal Mayhem Match at the PPV.

~ Far and away, the best thing on the show was the video package for the Steiner Brother versus Dudley Boys feud. When will TNA realize that things like this are all they need in order to create a compelling rivalry?

Overall

I may as well begin by damning this show with the same false praise with which I damn every lousy episode of TNA Impact: Hey, at least the pacing is better than it used to be and they didn’t try to jam 90% of their roster on to the one hour show! With that boilerplate out of the way, let me just say that this show sucked. They focused on three main angles: Christian vs. Joe, Team Pac-Man vs. Tomko/Styles, and Angle vs. Sting. I can’t say anything bad about the Joe/Christian build itself, even if the Fatu/Christian pairing for the main event wasn’t the best idea in the world. However, I cannot fathom why somebody would want to watch the Tag Title or the World Title matches based on the angles that took place tonight. Sting is now a coward who is afraid of the prospect of having to deal with a waif-like woman at the pay per view, which makes it awfully difficult to get behind him. Of course, he’s still more sympathetic than anybody involved in the tag match, which appears to consist entirely of despicable villains. It’s almost as though this company wants to fail.

Reader Feedback

We’ll start off this week with Michael the Third, who wants to talk about the most insipid match of all time:

I really enjoy your column, one of my regular reads at 411mania. Noticed this in your 9/14 Impact Crater…

Disclaimer: I’ve never seen this match, only heard about it. I assume 30 guys fight outside the ring and try to get in, but can’t because somebody pulls them down before they can. If it’s more complicated than that, I apologize. If not, uh… yeah. My suggestion stands.

For the most part, Mike is correct about how the match works. (Though I believe there were eighteen wrestlers instead of thirty.) The way I see it, there were two major problems with the first reverse battle royale, and the cage would eliminate one of them, so it’s not a terrible idea. One of the things that made the match so ludicrous the first time it occurred was that there were several points at which an individual would wind up with no other wrestlers anywhere near him. If that person was not one of the guys scheduled to make it in to the ring, he would then have to SELL, pretending that he was too exhausted or too beaten down to simply CLIMB IN TO THE RING, something that we see men do all the time after massive beatings in pro wrestling. It looked terrible. The cage would take care of this issue, as a slow climb would allow other wrestlers more time to realize that a man not scheduled to win was closing in on the ring, thus allowing them to cut him off.

Yet there was another, larger, problem with the original reverse battle royale that no steel cage will ever be able to fix. The thing was ridiculously overbooked. TNA decided that they were going to have a match during which eighteen men brawled around the ring. They then decided to shoot four or five different angles during this eighteen man match, most of which involved wrestlers who were not actually in the bout. Shane Douglas confronted Bubba Dudley during the match. The announcers claimed that the Road Dogg walked out on the match (though we never actually saw this on camera). Michael Shane, who was for the first time wearing his Serotonin gear, sat in the audience during this match. AMW and LAX brawled during the match, and it was never made clear whether they were actually participants. Rhino ran in on the match to attack Christian. How this company expected anybody to follow an eighteen man match with at least nine extra men running around the Impact Zone is beyond me. Maybe what we really need is a second cage in the locker room area that prevents non-participants from running in on the match.

By the way, if anybody wants to check out my original review of the reverse battle royale (during which I referred to it as “historically bad” well before it went on to win the WON Worst Match of the Year award), click here.

It wouldn’t be a feedback section if we didn’t have John R. pop up:

If not for this last column, I’d still be sitting here wondering what on earth was that mess of a show last night. I mean outside of Angle-Sting, Joe-Christian, all of the other matches for BFG leave me with the sense that we’re about to get another version of Hard Justice. I think the major problem with TNA is that they have this rollercoaster effect when it comes to their booking. Now all of a sudden the tag team title bout is worthless (unless they throw in MCMG somehow) and I won’t even comment on the reverse battle royal (ugh). I like the concept of the women’s battle royal, hopefully some SHIMMER stars will come in (Cheerleader Melissa perhaps) and you just know they will probably have a Monster’s ball match as well.

I know usually in TNA the first Impact after a PPV is always a downer, so when the 2-hour show begins in October perhaps they will pick things up. Who knows?

John is right, this PPV card looks like it could be hideous. I think the problem with the TNA creative team is that they believe Bound for Glory is their biggest show of the year, and they also believe that the best way to make it in to their biggest show of the year is to load it down with stipulations. What they fail to realize is that fans care about heated feuds far more than they do about gimmicks. Just look at Wrestlemania for a perfect example. It is inarguably the biggest wrestling event of the year, and do you know how many gimmick matches on the card involved special rules? Two, one of which was a three minute women’s lumberjack match. The three most important matches on the card – Cena vs. Shawn Michaels, Batista vs. The Undertaker, and Lashley vs. Umaga were straight up singles bouts. (Unless you want to disqualify Lashley/Umaga because of its guest referee, which I really don’t think is fair.)

Also, on the women’s gauntlet, TNA Mobile has announced the competitors in the time since John wrote me. Joining the five women already on the TNA roster will be Talia Madison, Angel Williams, Shelly “Ariel” Martinez, ODB, and Amazing Kong. So we’ve only got one actual SHIMMER competitor in the ring. However, I still have high hopes for the match. Jackie, Gail, Roxxi, and Traci can all bring it. I’ve never seen Angel Williams, but she’s rumored to be quite good. ODB was fine when I saw her wrestle a few years ago, and I’m sure she hasn’t gotten any worse. Madison I know has competed in the northeast, but I know nothing about the quality of her work. Kong, simply put, is AWESOME. A lot of the gauntlet’s quality will depend on how it’s booked, but, if this is given the appropriate amount of time, seeing the Amazing Kong interact with Gail Kim could be a highlight of the evening. Kong has also put on a pair of very good SHIMMER matches with Roxxi LeVeaux/Nikki Roxx, so they would also make an excellent final two. (Though Gail is the much more realistic option.)

And John may well be right about the Monster’s Ball match. From what I’ve read, the plan was to do that gimmick with Abyss, Ricky Banderas, and Rhino, though we’ll see if it still goes on after Banderas’ recent injury.

It’s the return of The Marino, the only one of my readers with a definite article preceding his name:

My thoughts on the recent WWE stars getting pushes:

Great work as always.

Morgan actually can cut a good promo from a technical standpoint, as evidenced by some of his work in OVW. However, you’re right, his natural voice isn’t the best for pulling it off. He’s similar to Bobby Lashley in that regard, and both guys should get managers ASAP. Unfortunately, that role has fallen out of favor in the modern wrestling industry, with James Mitchell being the sole exception left to prove the rule.

In regards to the Sting/Angle match, you’re right. Sting hasn’t done a hell of a lot in the last several months in order to maintain his status as a credible contender. However, I think he’s reached a point at his career where, much like Ric Flair, his fans will believe he can pull off the big one at any time, no matter how much he’s been jobbed out in recent memory. Even if I’m mistaken on that point, fans will buy the pay per view to see a well-built grudge match between Sting and Angle just to see the two men beat the snot out of each other, even if there’s no realistic possibility of the Stinger taking home the gold. Just look at the Tito Ortiz/Ken Shamrock feud in UFC. Nobody with a brain thought Shamrock could come close to winning a match, but they paid to see the fights anyway just because their rivalry was made to look so intense on the Ultimate Fighter series.

Let’s have Chuck S. take us home:

I agree wholeheartedly with you about TNA’s overuse of gimmick matches. What TNA seems to be forgetting is that if you always attach a gimmick to every match, the gimmicks themselves lose a certain amount of the extra “oomph” that they’re meant to give a match.

Overall, I still thought the PPV was good, and as far as the show this week, I was impressed on how bloody Abyss got. They tend to shy away from that much graphic violence on TV. By the same token, I’m a huge mark for James Mitchell, so I’ve been eagerly anticipating his return to TV. I’m just hoping that the Black Reign thing gets killed off soon. It’s really just stupid.

TNA seems to have an odd love-hate relationship with man-on-woman violence. It’s been all but banned from Impact due to an edict from SpikeTV, which TNA then turned in to an angle. (Jim Cornette laid down the law about men not being allowed to hit women a few months ago.) However, Cornette’s rules were completely ignored within a matter of weeks, and now that entire angle appears to have been dropped with no explanation. My guess is that TNA has realized that men hitting women always gets a reaction in wrestling. Frankly, I’m disgusted that this sort of thing DOES always get a pop, and it truly goes to show that there are some real lowlifes amongst wrestling fans. I am a bit perturbed that TNA would cater to these misogynists, particularly given recent allegations from Debra McMichael about the level of domestic abuse in wrestler marriages.

As far as the Abyss angle is concerned, this guy really seems to take some sick level of pleasure in seeing just how bloody he can get. In addition to last week’s show, he also lost buckets of blood during the two beatdowns he suffered at the hands of Christian’s coalition. I just hope that he doesn’t go too far one of these days and seriously injure himself.

And that’s a wrap. I’ll return on Friday in the Movie Zone with one of my sporadic DVD reviews, and then it’s back to wrestling on Sunday with the Custom Made News Report. Until then, be sure to check out the MySpace and add me as a friend to get updates on new articles. I will also hopefully have a new blog up there sometime before Sunday.