The High-Impact Chronicle 6.19.08

Greetings from “the new Mike Adamle of 411mania” (cheers to 411 reader The Fuj for bestowing upon me that catchy nickname). The weather’s great, it’s payday today, and I’m looking forward to some more World X Cup action heating up my screen, so let’s get to it, assuming TNA has completed the necessary paperwork in time!

Jay Lethal is at the Pink Taco bar, and by golly he’s not a happy bunny that Sonjay hit on his fiancée. With a bit of luck this “match” may be as entertaining as a 1999-era WWE hardcore match. We also get a quick video of Samoa Joe telling Nash to stick his opinions up his ass, and Kurt and Kong destroying Karen and AJ.

“Fur Will Fly at the Pink Taco”

Ah, will you look at that, we’re starting out with some actual wrestling! I think TNA has finally received the memo here.

Booker T vs. BG James

The T is getting some major heel heat, and BG gets a decent reception after being away from our screens for a good few weeks. T jumps him before the bell though and pounds BG around the ringside area. Into the ring and we get the bell as T continues beating on BG in the corner. BG tries to fire back with some rights but eats a hook kick for his troubles. Hard knees to BG’s face and he’s down again. Snapmare and a chinlock to BG as we cut to the back, where JB is sitting next to Joe, glancing sideways and holding his mic in a spectacularly phallic visual gag. Some more chops to BG, he tries to fire back again but gets a knee to the gut and an axe kick as The T picks up the easy win.

Eh, brief and slow, but if BG James is going to be used for anything these days it might as well be to put over title contenders. Not that beating Brian Armstrong in this day and age really means anything. Joe is getting angry at JB in the back as Nash saunters in. Joe gives his rationale for trading away his locker room to Booker last week, which is once again inkeeping with his “people’s champion” persona. Joe wants Nash to go out and prove that he can beat The T one-on-one, which sets up for an even slower Booker T match next week. Nash promises to show Joe a few mindgames. Once again the focus seems to be slipping away from the Joe/Booker upcoming title match – Nash’s involvement is all fine and good provided he sticks to the disgruntled mentor role, but when he actually starts getting in there it just slows things right down.

A vignette for the X Cup, which promises a four-round tournament leading up to the finals at Victory Road, which will take the form of a four-way Ultimate X match. Me likee.

World X Cup 1st round match: Tyson Dux & Daivari vs. Motor City Machine Guns

Really, can there be any greater heel team in the US than a Canadian and an Iranian? The jingoism is rife here in the Impact Zone. Tenay runs down the tournament format – a win in a particular round gives your team an equivalent number of points. Round three, apparently, is going to be a twelve-team elimination tag match, which could be the largest spotfest of the year.

“U-S-A” chants to start. How original. Dux and Shelley to start off; Dux has a great heel look, a bit like Biff from Back to the Future. Dux starts to take control, but gets tripped by Shelley and receives a dropkick to the face. Whip to the corner and Shelley hits a monkey flip. Tag in to Sabin and he comes off the top, but Dux reverse to an armdrag and tags in Daivari. Daivari in off the top as well but Sabin catches him with a fist to the gut. Daivari and Dux try to repeat the monkey flip spot, but Sabin fights them off and yanks Dux over the top rope on top of Daivari. My spellchecker does NOT appreciate repeated references to Daivari, incidentally. Into the custom dictionary with you, sonny jim. Shelley back in and the Guns hit a double spinebuster / legdrop / cutter combo for the two count on Dux. Shelley gets distracted by Daivari and gets spike DDT’d by Dux, but Sabin makes the save. Daivari in and he’s getting some major boo-urns from the crowd. Maybe he’s a terrori… Holy shit, is that a bomb in his pants?!?!! Shelley defuses (zing!) the situation with a backdrop suplex. Dux tries to prevent the tag but Shelley rolls through and Sabin comes in to take charge. BIG enziguri to Dux, flying elbow to the corner, Sabin goes for a springboard move from the apron, but Daivari yanks him off. We cut to the back for some inexplicable reason to see AJ Styles destroying Tomko in the locker room. Yeah, great way to keep focus on your major international wrestling tournament guys.

Back from the break and the heels try to double team Sabin but he fights back with some big kicks, and Shelley hits them both with a top rope crossbody. Hard kicks to Dux send him out of the way, and Shelley hits a big clothesline to the corner on Daivari followed by a flatliner. Shelley up top and a frogsplash gets two and a half. Daivari fights back, sets Shelley on the turnbuckle and snaps off a quick rana for two. Daivari sets up for a German suplex, but Sabin gets in the way and hits him with a cutter. Daivari to the corner, he comes off the second rope but eats two kicks to the gut. The Guns flatten him with double kicks, but Dux is in to break the count and he hits a brainbuster on Shelley. Sabin breaks the pin and this match is really heating up. Dux kindly sets himself up in the tree of woe and eats a hesitation dropkick from Sabin. Sliced Bread #2 by Shelley on Daivari gets the win. One point for Team TNA.

Very sold in-ring encounter, not on the level of the match against SpeedMuscle last week but certainly a decent start to the tournament. I’ve never seen Tyson Dux wrestle before and he didn’t seem immediately impressive, but since they apparently seem to be going for a “thrown-together” feel for Team International he’s as good as any. Hopefully someone can set me straight and point out that he’s actually very good in the ring. But why on earth did we have to have the random clip of AJ beating on Tomko? Ah, apparently it’s so we can cut to the back again post match where AJ is now beating the hell out of Kurt Angle. Only it’s not Angle, it’s his doppelganger! Oh no wait, it’s Frank Trigg. Not smart, AJ, not smart.

A video with Gail Kim, a nice interview with the semi-shoot style that TNA sometimes does, and does well (reminiscent of the Global Impact style). Scott D’Amore and Pat Kenney weigh in too, which I think must be their first appearances on TNA television in a good long while. Some clips of Gail and Angelina Love in action back in the day which serves well to set up their rivalry. Very nice stuff; Gail seems to have lost some of her luster with the crowd of late so this can only help.

Life from Pittsburgh it’s Karen Angle, who apparently wasn’t harmed at all by Kong.

Nope, she looks OK to me. Karen shouts at Tenay and West for continuing to insinuate she has a relationship with AJ, then walks out.

A video of Robert Roode and James Storm’s awesome heel beatdown on LAX last week, about which Jim Cornette is apparently going to have some stern words. LAX has apparently issued a challenge, so Cornette welcomes them out. Is this going to be some sort of pimp-themed gimmick match perchance? Piňata on a pole? Ah no, it’s going to be a fans’ revenge lumberjack match. I seem to recall the last time that happened with ol’ Jeff Jarrett, it resulted in a fairly tedious match. Ah well. Hector has some words for Roode and Storm, and apparently his Latino Fire has woken up. I really, really hope that doesn’t mean what it sounds like. Fresh off the back of his authority last week to have matches restarted, apparently Hector now has authority to sign contracts on behalf of Homicide and Hernandez. What a pimp. Cornette calls out the bad guys, but only Jackie appears on the ramp, claiming that Bobby is out making money and Storm is out getting drunk, and that Salinas has fake tits. Hahaha, Hernandez just picks Salinas up under one arm to restrain her. Cornette books a “womano-womano” match for Jackie vs. Salinas for later in the programme. As much as I’ve heard some people complain that it’s pointless sending Storm and Roode back to the tag ranks when they were supposed to be cemented as single stars, let’s face it, they both do it so damn well it’s a shame not to team them up and see what happens.

Time for KOOOONG and her regularly-scheduled open challenge. And what poor schmuck gets to receive a painful beatdown this week? We have two contenders, neither of whom Kong is too happy with. One of them is just about good enough though, so it’s going to be:

Awesome Kong vs. Shantelle Taylor

Taylor is pretty quick, but Kong eventually takes charge and tosses her around by the hair. Massive knife-edge chops to the chest and an Awesome Bomb…. no, Shantelle wriggles out! A dropkick barely troubles Kong, and Kong floors her again. Saeed hands Kong a chair, but Taylor dropkicks it into her face and starts pounding Kong with some hard chair shots! Kong is woozy but still standing as Taylor goes up top and comes off with a big dropkick that gets two. Kong rolls to the outside to recover, Taylor goes up top again and dives to the outside with a crossbody, but Kong catches her easily and rams her into the ringpost. Spinning backfist misses though and Taylor fights back… for about three seconds, before getting decked with a BIG shot. Kong rolls her back into the ring, but Taylor fights out of another Awesome Bomb. Off the ropes and Taylor tries for a headscissors, but Kong just lifts her up and flattens her for three. They’ve got the booking absolutely spot on with this series of challenges – Kong continues to look like an absolute beast, but the audience is slowly being fed snippets of hope that there are chinks in her armor. It’ll be interesting to see how they incorporate Shantelle into the roster after that, though (well, assuming of course they didn’t just sign her for one match – they’ve made worse business decisions before). Long may this angle continue. Well, not too long obviously, but there’s a good few weeks more material to be teased out here.

To the back where 3D are gloating over Rhino, who has apparently been 3D’d through a table. Thus meaning that Christian Cage is going to need a mystery opponent for tonight’s main event. Funny how these things work out.

To the back (again) where JB is with Sonjay Dutt, who apparently is a man of love, peace and unity and thus won’t be accepting Jay Lethal’s Pink Taco challenge. Sonjay claims Val is in love with him, and is wearing a swank wifebeater by the way.

Nice promo video for Kaz, captain of Team TNA in the X Cup. After that damp squib of a feud with Black Reign, who hopefully if we’re careful not to mention him too much may not return to our screens, Kaz is way back on track to becoming a major player and kudos to TNA for following up with his push. On the other hand, unless Team TNA really is going to get off to a 100% start, he’s going to eat a loss here.

World X Cup 1st round match: Alex Koslov vs. Kaz

Apparently Kaz asked for this match following Koslov’s win last week. Armlock reversals to start and already Koslov goes for the hair to fight out. Kaz makes the ropes and spins round into an armdrag. Off the ropes, Koslov yells STTTOOOOPPPP – “Rus-sia, Rus-sia!” Kaz won’t have that and murders him with a kick to the face. Koslov really is quite an endearing heel. Slam to Koslov, Kaz to the apron and a slingshot legdrop gets two. Koslov misses a splash to the corner but an enziguri sends Kaz to the outside. Koslov hits a HUGE springboard crossbody from the top and rolls Kaz back in as we get “Russia sucks” chants. Koslov goes for his ushanka hat and, wonderfully, does some Cossack dancing with kicks to Kaz’s head. Headlock applied, but Kaz fights back, off the ropes and a roll up for two. They do the bridging combo into a backslide, Magistral cradle from Kaz gets two. Koslov sends Kaz to the ropes, trips him and applies the Perestroika (yeah, I thought Tenay would have to explain the relevance of that term to a US audience), which is kind of a surfboard maneuver but with Koslov on the apron and Kaz bent backwards over the ropes. Pretty painful looking anyway. Back in and Kaz reverses the Russian legsweep into a big DDT. Clothesline and a dropkick to Koslov, Kaz sends him off the ropes and spins him inside out with a back elbow. Kaz sets him on the top rope and goes for the Flux Capacitor, but Koslov fights off, they do some leapfrogs and a big enziguri sets Kaz up for the springboard splash. Kaz dodges though, and hits the Wave of the Future for the win. One point for Team TNA, and I called that one incorrectly at the start didn’t I?

Another solid match, not outstanding, but Koslov is very entertaining and improves on the brief match from last week against Curry Man; plus, the two seemed to have some pretty good in-ring chemistry. My only query is why Koslov uses a springboard splash as his finisher given the abundance of more powerful regular moves on the TNA roster. That aside, with two decent matches starting this tournament off, hopefully we’re set for things to escalate.

To the back where JB is quizzing Christian, who claims Rhino has a concussion and won’t be competing tonight. Cage doesn’t see a problem, he sees a “phenomenal” opportunity. Foreshadowing~!

TNA Rough Cut is back, focusing on Matt Morgan this time around. Morgan claims he used sport as a relief for ADD growing up, and talks about his basketball career as a youngster, dropping some names that sadly mean very little to me. After this little recurring feature somehow managed to make BG and Kip James seem interesting, it’s a much better choice to look at Morgan this time around. Of course, actually having him in the ring winning some matches might also be a good thing, but you can’t have everything I suppose.

To the Pink Taco~! where Sonjay has arrived and wants to apologize to Machismo. He claims Val is in love with him, but Machismo is NOT having that and canes him with a hard right. I think it’s time for…

Pink Taco Brawl: Black Machismo vs. Sonjay Dutt

Machismo pounds Sonjay around the place and they work in that great comedy slide-the-guy-down-the-bar-smashing-the-drinks bit. Lethal throws bits of a drumkit at Sonjay, dunks a water butt over his head and spears him through the door! Sweet. However, apparently we’re not seeing the rest of this encounter yet.

To the back where Team 3D are insulting Christian Cage to the camera. Brother Ray wonders if Cage will be choosing King Kong Bundy as his partner (lolz!), but comes to the realization that it may well be AJ Styles he chooses instead. Ray talks about smearing AJ’s blood across his face and breaking his neck, because he’s a homewrecker. Devon nearly calls JB “Borat” by accident. Man, that would rule. Let’s take a second to picture Borat as the backstage interviewer in TNA.

Naaaaaice!

Jacqueline vs. Salinas

Well, if you’re going to have Salinas in the ring with anyone it might as well be a veteran who can cover her deficiencies. Salinas proves my point by hitting a rubbish Thesz Press to start, then dumping Jackie with a slam. Salinas up top and almost slips off as Jackie dodges the crossbody attempt. Tenay claims that Sonjay Dutt has escaped the Pink Taco, which sounds like a great concept for a kids’ cartoon serial. Meanwhile, Jackie is taking it to Salinas and tosses her to the outside. Back inside and Jackie hits a sweet T-bone suplex to the sound of many boos. Jackie chokes Salinas on the ropes, but she fights back with an Electric Chair Drop.

No she didn’t. Sorry to contradict you, Mike.

Salinas hits a big clothesline, and goozles Jackie! Sadly, it’s not a chokeslam but an STO. Jackie fights back with a painful-looking guillotine choke and Salinas taps. Brief and a tad sloppy, but as Impact women’s matches go this was at least fairly original, and it’s nice to exhibit that the women’s division doesn’t consist entirely of Kong and the Gail/ODB/Roxxi/Beautiful People feud. Post-match, Jackie whups a bit of a Latina ass with her belt to rub the damage in, and Salinas seems to enjoy it. Figures.

Christian Cage & AJ Styles vs. Team 3D

I really hope they don’t mess up the continuity here, as AJ and Christian should still be working to get on the same page. It’s a promising start as AJ gives Christian a nice little suspicious glance before they bump fists. AJ and Cage take it to 3D as they head down the ramp and they all brawl around ringside. AJ tosses Ray in, sends him to the ropes and hits the leapfrog dropkick combo. Cage is in but eats a high back body drop from Ray, who makes the tag to Devon. Devon takes charge briefly, but Cage fights back with a corkscrew elbow off the second rope and tags out to AJ. Devon to the corner but AJ misses a flying forearm and creams into the turnbuckle. Cage distracts the ref and 3D manage to hit the Dated Reference Groin-butt. 3D head outside for table-age as AJ writhes in scrotular pain. Cage manages to buy some time by dropkicking the table into both their faces, though. Cage drops to his knees and AJ takes to the skies with a MASSIVE springboard somersault off Cage’s back to the outside. He got some pretty damn impressive air on that one.

Back from the break and 3D have regained control after Devon hit a huge neckbreaker on AJ. Ray hits another neckbreaker and sends AJ to the rafters with another gigantic back body drop. Christian runs in to break things up but succeeds only in allowing Devon to come in and choke AJ. Another chinlock from Devon to slow things down for a good thirty seconds or so. Devon gets fed up and breaks the hold himself, only to drop a big leg on AJ’s neck.

Except, of course, during his recently concluded year-long heel run. Is your memory really that short, Don? Ray gets in AJ’s face and yells “what you gonna do”, before getting hit with an enziguri about three nanoseconds later. AJ is spent but manages to make the hot tag, and Christian takes charge with a double clothesline off the ropes. Drop toehold sends Devon to the ropes and Cage chokes him, then goes for the Unprettier, but Devon fights out, tries for the reverse DDT but Cage flips out of that and drops him to the mat. Ray comes in but inadvertently flattens Devon in the corner. Cage guillotines Ray on the ropes and goes up top to hit the frogsplash on Devon, but Ray manages to break the count at the last second. Double team neckbreaker on Cage gets two and a half. AJ tags himself in and floors Devon with a springboard forearm. Slam on Devon, and Cage and AJ come off the top simultaneously with diving headbutts. Ray again breaks the pin and sends Cage to the outside, giving 3D time to hit the Doomsday Device for two and ¾. Ray goes to the second rope but Cage manages to get back in and snaps off a rana, before walking into a Curtain Call from Devon. Devon sidesteps another springboard from AJ and they set up for the 3D, but AJ hits the Pele on Devon, sends Ray over the top and hits the backflip into the inverted DDT for the three count.

There’s little time for celebration though, cos here comes Frank Trigg and he is NOT happy with AJ. They jaw off briefly as Cage tries to play peacemaker, but Kurt blindsides them both and locks AJ in the anklelock as Trigg and 3D egg him on. Damn you Kurt Angle! Presumably this sets up for a 3D/Christian & Rhino match at Victory Road as well as a continuation of the Angle/AJ feud, and I’m only too happy to find ways to keep Angle out of the action until he heals. Who knows, maybe we’ll see AJ vs Frank Trigg? Stranger things have happened. As for the match, it was an average-to-decent TV main event, although Christian and AJ didn’t play up the intricacies of their past relationship as much as they should have done. Once again though, the match featuring the World Heavyweight title contender opens the show and the main event focuses on an upper-midcard feud. Que?

In closing… this week’s Impact, HOT or NOT?

This episode of Impact hits 66 °C, while the build to Victory Road simmers ever-so-slightly down to 49 °C. From an in-ring perspective, Impact was once again the best TV show of the week, with the World X Cup continuing to bring in some damn fine action. Although TNA continues to exhibit its tendency to lose focus with the ridiculous cutaway during the first tag match, thankfully these leanings have been quashed to an acceptable level and we only lost focus on the X Cup for a few moments. Although the BG/T opener was slow and boring, it did the job it set out to do, and besides, it’s good to see BG still getting work these days. Even the ladies’ match, despite the presence of Salinas (who could probably fill out an entire Botchamania video on her own), was mildly diverting thanks to Jackie busting out some MMA chops ever so briefly. The main event was fine for TV and got a reasonable amount of time, and AJ continues to be built like a rampaging beast since his face turn. Well, maybe not quite a beast, but he’s doing well for himself, although once again we have this mixing of feuds with the AK/Kurt and 3D/Christian beefs spilling across into each other. It’ll be interesting to see how this business with Trigg works out too; he’s proven he can be a good heel commentator and I’d like to see him maintain that position rather than fully ally himself with Kurt. The only real downer was the Machismo/Sonjay business – despite a fair amount of hype, the brawl itself was horribly lame apart from the closing spot, and then we cut to break only to be told by Mike Tenay that Sonjay had escaped! Seriously, just get them in the ring, we don’t need this sort of nonsense dragging the feud down.

As for the build to Victory Road, well, I’m torn. Although the X Cup seems to have given TNA a well-deserved injection of focus, leading to a much bigger emphasis on ringwork at the expense of skits and gimmicks, it’s also starting to push the Joe/Booker title feud out of the picture. Seriously, having your number one contender squash BG James in a snoozefest and then have your champion complaining about Kevin Nash being over the hill does not a compelling title feud make. Joe really needs to set himself apart from the pack, as so far his only worthwhile/memorable title defense has been a free TV match against Frankie Kazarian (I’m not including King of the Mountain as I thought that was a bit of a letdown). Also, despite the X Cup providing us with two consecutive highly entertaining episodes of Impact, if it’s only building to one PPV match does it really make sense to feature it quite so heavily on television? The balance isn’t quite right at the minute, but there’s certainly potential for things to improve. Elsewhere, we saw the gestation of what will probably be two further PPV matches in the shape of LAX/Roode & Storm and Gail/Angelina, so the Victory Road build should start to sizzle higher up the thermometer next week.