411’s AWA on ESPN Classic Report 08.14.08

411’s AWA On ESPN Classic Report

Before we get to the show I just wanted to touch on something that I read about that made me feel a little queasy. 411’s own JP Prag, author of the Hidden Highlights column that I have enjoyed since its debut and even co-hosted on occasion, has apparently had his idea lifted. Stolen by a bunch of inferior writers on a hack site that should have closed up its doors when WCW did. Not only has it been lifted, but the man in charge of said website has denied that it’s happened while sounding like the smarmiest of wrestling douches.

411wrestling.com is a brotherhood of sorts. Sure, we come from places all over the world and write on a variety of topics from wrestling to MMA to movies and music, but when one of our own gets put into a situation where they feel violated by people who have been “doing this since 1987” and should know better, it’s disgusting. I may not have much sway in the IWC, considering my lot on this site, but I would ask all of my readers to not visit that particular hatchet-job of a website again. If you’d like to know which site I’m referring to, they talk about Pro Wrestling and it rhymes with Porch. Show them that you don’t appreciate petty theivery by not giving them the time of day and maybe they’ll show a little shame and humility and admit to their mistake.

JP is the most positive guy on this crazy site and it’s something that comes naturally to him. To see four people try to force themselves to think the same way is a little ridiculous and really just makes them look silly, while also dragging the good name of the original down with it. To JP, keep your head up and fight through this. Your HH are one of the best columns around in the IWC and I even now find myself looking for things in shows, just from doing it with you a few times. For those of you who took his vision and sullied it, you should be ashamed of yourselves for being not only completely unoriginal, but for checking your own morals at the door in favor of showing how low you can stoop to try to gain your hits back.

I look forward to watching your website continue to plummet and hope that eventually it will wither and die. I will be waiting for the day that your site will fall apart, much like it appears your decency, morals and sense of right and wrong have. You ceased being relevant years ago and now it’s time to pull the plug. You’re dead to me.

Now let’s move on to what we all came here for…SHITTY WRESTLING!!

AWA Championship Wrestling

I missed the first couple of minutes of the show due to some DVR difficulties, but it kicks in just in time for the first match. We’ve got Eric Bischoff and Ralph Strangis on announcing duty this time out. Not sure what happened to Lee Marshall, but I’m sure it had something to do with the shitty product and copious amounts of the finest malt liquor ever brewed in a bathtub.

Match One:
The Tokyo Bullet vs. The Trooper

The Todd Becker is your referee for this one and in case you’re curious, it’s the Black Bullet. That still sounds like a sex toy no matter how many times I type it. They hit a lockup and Trooper pushes Bullet onto his ass and tells him to expect that all day, san. Trooper does it again and Bullet complains about a pull of the mask, following up his whining with a kick in the gut. He tries another kick off of an Irish whip, but Trooper catches it and gives Bullet a HUGE atomic drop that sends him to the floor. Trooper slingshots Bullet back into the ring and there’s an Irish whip into a PRESS SLAM!! Strangis actually isn’t terrible as a play-by-play man and Trooper catches Bullet with a dropkick off the ropes. Trooper shoots him off the ropes again and hits a back bodydrop and he LOCKS IN THE NECK MASSAGER!! Bullet’s mask pulls over his eyes and he dozes peacefully, listening to sounds of the ocean and not realizing that the match is over.

Winner: The Trooper (submission, neck massager)

Match Analysis: Squashtastic trip to the historic Squash district in the town of Squashville. Bullet knows how to take a beating, but they really need to stop billing him from Tokyo. He has RED HAIR sticking out from under the mask. -sighing- Nothing to see here, time to move on.

Trooper gets some talk time with Bischoff and he talks about how he took Larry Zbyszko to the limit, quoting the Eagles and then saying it says something about his abilities as a wrestler. He says that when he looks into Zbyszko’s eyes…he melts. No, actually he sees that Zbyszko is a tired and weary champion. He says that Zbyszko has already reached his peak and that there’s nowhere to go but down, while he’s getting better and better and getting closer and closer to the final moment. He says that he’s getting closer to the belt, he holds up a towel with Zbyszko’s name crossed out on it and threatens that Zbyszko is going to be like Abe Lincoln. Um..Del, I think if you shoot him in the back they’ll disqualify you, no matter what your gimmick is.

Match Two:
The Menace vs. Mike George

George’s nickname is “The Timekeeper”, because he likes to finish his opponents quickly. He chose “Another One Bites The Dust” as his ring music, which would be cool if he wasn’t a nearly fifty-year old man with a blond mullet. Bischoff talking on the color role sounds a lot like Bischoff talking in the Monday Night War DVD or the AWA DVD. He’s saying a lot while not saying anything, if that makes sense. They work the lockup and Menace grabs a side headlock into a hammerlock and when George reverses it, Menace takes him down. Hammerlock again from George and Menace hits a drop toehold to reverse it and moves to a front-facelock. Reversal to a hammerlock from George and he knees the elbow before ramming Menace into the buckle shoulder-first. He wraps the arm around the top rope and works it with some punches before whipping Menace in for a back bodydrop. Backbreaker from George now and he gets a two-count before picking Menace up off the mat. BIG neckbreaker from George and there’s the three-count!!

Winner: Mike George (pinfall, neckbreaker)

Match Analysis: Bland. So very bland. George looks kind of like Greg Valentine, but wrestles like Johnny..after the plane crash. Oh yes, I went there. He seems like a good enough guy to be a mid-carder or a mechanic, but there’s no reason why he should have been made out to be anything resembling a star.

YES!!! We get a Buck Zumhoffe promo and HOLY SHIT, he looks terrible. Zumhoffe says that whoever wins the main event match is going to have to face him to get to the AWA Light Heavyweight Championship. He says that the AWA is going all over the world and that since he’s back in the AWA he’s getting letters from all over the world. He says that the fans are behind him and that’s what makes the Rock n’ Roller a winner. He dances with his shitty discount department store boombox and Eric Bischoff holds his ear. Honestly, Zumhoffe might look like my drunk uncle at a wedding, but I don’t care. He holds all that is awesome inside that spangled jumpsuit.

Team Challenge Series report time, but it’s the same TCS report as the last episode of the show, which means I’m five minutes closer to being done the show! Happy dance for me!!!

Match Three:
Spike Jones vs. Nikita Koloff

Lockup and Koloff goes straight to a standing arm-wringer and Jones pushes him into the corner to break it, hitting a cheap shot when Koloff lets go of the hold. Jones chokes him across the top rope and hammers at Koloff’s gut with some right hands. Koloff fires a kick to the gut and shoulderblocks Jones in the corner, bringing him out with a big hip toss. Irish whip from Koloff and there’s the jumping shoulderblock. He rams Jones into the top turnbuckle and whips him into the corner and follows with THE RUSSIAN SICKLE!! 1-2-3, it’s all over!!

Winner: Nikita Koloff (pinfall, Russian sickle)

Match Analysis: This one must have bought property in Squashville next to The Trooper match, cause it was essentially the same thing. If the matches are this short, I can see how they would end up having nine on one show. It scares me, but I can see how it could happen.

From there, we get the end of the Zbyszko/Rheingans match from a couple episodes back, so there’s another three or four minutes I can save. Fantastic!! From there we get a promo from Larry Zbyszko. He says that people can talk all they want to, but when you get into the ring it’s a different story. Zbyszko tries to sell it like his foot got tangled in the rope when Rheingans tried to kick out, which is a story full of win, and he turns his attention to the top contenders. He says that he’s beaten all of them already and that he might just go ahead and take a vacation to Larryland for a few months to let them get their shit together. Bischoff points out how far Larry’s team is in the TCS and Zbyszko says that that’s why he’s not on vacation. Zbyszko tells a story about his old martial arts sensei choking him when he went to wake him up and that he was told not to wake the sleeping tiger. Zbyszko calls himself a sleeping tiger and that he’s going to take his team to the top of the mountain and that his entire team will shout as they cash that million dollar check, “I’M GOING TO LARRYLAND!!”.

Tony Denucci cuts a promo about tonight’s main event and he says that Stewart is the spoiled kid on the block that will do whatever he has to do. He says that he’s here to make his mark in the AWA and that he’s going to be a high-flyer and he has all the heart in the world. Johnnie Stewart gets his turn to make some comments and he says that Denucci reminds him of a beaver, anxious to cut down his first tree. Stewart says that his career might be long and storied, but it won’t be successful if he faces Johnnie Stewart. He says that he’ll beat Denucci and every other little punk to get the title and if he doesn’t get it, his old man has fifteen cashier’s checks that he can slip under the table.

We see the finish of last show’s main event with DJ Peterson and Ric McCord facing The Destruction Crew for the AWA World Tag Team Championships, which leads us to our next bout.

Match Four:
Tom Bennett and Kent Carlson vs. DJ Peterson and Ric McCord

Apparently Lee Marshall is under the weather, so that is why Bischoff is in the seat next to Ralph Strangis. Peterson and Bennett start things out and Bennett pushes Peterson into the ropes off of a lockup, but Peterson gets an armdrag into an armbar, tagging in McCord. Irish whip and Peterson gets a shot to the gut, with McCord following it up with a kneelift and there’s a cover for a two-count. McCord picks Bennett up and chps him back down for a two-count, tagging in Peterson, who grabs a front-facelock. Bennett pushes him into the corner and tags in Carlson and he tries to take over, but Peterson can only hit a couple of shoulderblocks before Peterson hits forerams and Irish whips Carlson into the ropes. He takes Carlson over with a hip toss and grabs a front-facelock, with Carlson pushing him into the corner and tagging Bennett. Bennett takes over, ramming Peterson into the top turnbuckle and yelling at the crowd before he hits a double-axehandle and whips Peterson in for a hip toss. Stomps from Bennett and he whips Peterson in and what looks like it was supposed to be a clothesline miss by Bennett turns into a back bump when he fucks up and it all looks a little foolish. Tag to McCord and he whips bennett in and hits a big reverse elbow that gets him a long two-count. Right hand from McCord that puts Bennett down and he follows that with a kneelift, tagging in Peterson. McCord with an Irish whip and Peterson hits a HUGE SPINEBUSTER for the pinfall.

Winners: DJ Peterson and Ric McCord (pinfall, spinebuster)

Match Analysis: Not a bad little tag match, but again, it’s two guys that had essentially no charisma. Peterson and McCord are solid workers, but if you can’t get the people interested outside of the ring as well, they’ll never care. Everything here was good, but not great, at a time when the AWA needed beyond great to even keep the doors open.

The Destruction Crew is in the interview area with Eric Bischoff and Bloom says that Bischoff looks like someone that might need glasses because they don’t need a foreign object to beat anyone. He says that Peterson and McCord were a piece of cake and that everywhere they go their agent gets a call from ESPN saying that they want them all over the world at all the sporting events. He says that the agents say that The Lumberjacks want a title shot and he gives them credit for being tough but that if they want their shot, they have to get in the ring with the Texas Hangmen. Until they get through the Hangmen, they’ll have nothing to do with The CREW!!

Match Five: Team Challenge Series Match: AWA Light Heavyweight Championship Eliminator Match
Tony Denucci vs. Johnnie Stewart

Denucci represents Larry’s Legends, while Stewart is down with Sarge’s Snipers. Denucci’s ring gear looks a little off, with shimmery silver leopard print tights being the order of the day. Stewart bops a little to his entrance music and they get to the action after Stewart stalls taking off his robe and giving it to the ring guy. They finally hit a lockup and Denucci gets a side headlock in with Stewart shooting him off and eating a shoulderblock. Lockup number two and side headlock number two lead to a rope-running sequence and a Denucci hip toss, with Stewart taking a time out on the apron. Denucci gets the crowd going and he grabs another side headlock, cranking on it and getting shot off again. Stewart drops down and Denucci drops down behind him and scares him all the way to the floor. Stewart LOSES HIS SHIT on the floor, hammering the apron with his fist before finally getting back into the ring. Side headlock from Denucci, which makes me think it’s the only hold he learned in wrestling school, and Stewart picks him up for a nice belly to back suplex. Short-arm clothesline from Stewart and he starts choking on Denucci with his boot. He has tape and starts choking Denucci with it behind the referee’s back. BIG backbreaker from Stewart, though he did it kind of sloppy and dropped Denucci on his shoulder. Elbowdrop from Stewart off the ropes and he gets a two-count off of that, following it with a whip into the ropes. Denucci flips over Stewart as he tries a back bodydrop and then dropkicks Stewart out to the floor. There are a LOT of empty seats in this building. By a lot, I mean A LOT. Denucci flips Stewart back into the ring and blocks a right hand, countering with a left that puts Stewart face-first onto the mat. Stewart hits a kneelift and whips Denuccit into the ropes for a dropkick, with a flex for good measure. Stewart lays some chops in in the corner and Denucci fires up, whipping Stewart across the ring into the corner and hitting a handspring elbow!! Shoulderblocks in the corner and Denucci tries the same thing again and Stewart moves out of the way. Vertical suplex from Stewart and he gets the three-count with his feet on the ropes!!!

Winner: Johnnie Stewart (pinfall, vertical suplex)

Match Analysis: Denucci looked green as hell, and when you combine that with Stewart and his apparent lack of skills, it’s just asking for a bad match. They tried hard and I’ll give them that, but you could tell that it just wasn’t happening about a minute in, and by the end I was kind of just wanting it to be over, no matter who won. Call me cynical, but this just wasn’t very good.

Denucci is PISSED on the floor, rattling the barricade around and stomping to the back. Now we’ve got comments from Johnnie Stewart and he says that he’s motivated by snot-nosed punks like Tony Denucci. He says that he tore Denucci’s head off and that he’s like all the rest. He’s proven that Johnnie Stewart is no pushover. Stewart says that Verne Gagne’s losing his hair thinking about Stewart as AWA Light Heavyweight Champion and that after he’s got that belt, he’s coming after Zbyszko. Stewart promises that in 1990 he’ll have the AWA right where he wants it. That’s all Stewart has to say, and that’s it for the show!!

Final Thoughts

No good matches, REALLY short squashes and a main event that probably couldn’t have made it onto Superstars if both guys were in the WWF. International Superstars maybe, but certainly not the North American syndicated version. This show, like most of the others in this time, isn’t outwardly bad, just incredibly boring. When I gets bored, I gets drinkie, so this one gets…

Yes, the jugs are back. With everything going on here, I had forgotten them for the past couple of days, but they’re back and will be back until the bitter AWA end. Let’s hit comments folks!

Fun With Comments

From Guest. :
“I find it funny that you have the UWF, which revolutionized Japanese Wrestling and MMA, the UWF, arguably the hottest non-NWA/WWE promotion of the 80s, and you’re reviewing the UWF: Arguably the worst promotion to have PPV of all time. Your luck to be stuck with that acronym.

I think Verne’s big problem is that he tried for so long to maintain his old school style of wrestling, the wrestling he still thought his fans wanted to see. However, with talent raids, and WWF doing everything to bury the AWA, he just didn’t have the money to keep his horses for drawing people in anymore. By the time he gave up on his vision to be a pale imitation of Vince, he alienated his remaining old-school fanbase, and put on such poor shows and such that it didn’t leech the WWF’s fans back to his shows. This was somewhat laughable with the bad music videos in 86, and just sad how bad everything is right now. And he’s still booking with sense, using the old school techniques which drew, but the horses are either too old or too young to matter. “

See, when I signed up for the UWF shows, I thought it was for the Watts UWF, so imagine my surprise. Egg all over my face on that one. I agree with everything from the Enos face turn, to the not seeing Tully, to the Verne speech. He didn’t make the switch at the right time and in doing so, pissed off both of the fanbases he desperately needed to reach. Painful lesson learned, I’d say.

From Robert Tivari:
“Does the Nightstalker ever wrestle a SINGLE match in the AWA? They teased a Trooper/Nightstalker feud a few nights ago, and it seems that they’ve since dropped that angle like a hot potato, and we’ve had no mention of either him nor Ox Baker in the last few shows. These last few shows have been so boring that I hope that the Russian Brute returns just to give them some comedic value.

Also, as for Johnny Stewarts entrance music. He did come out to Pump the Jam, but also, a few nights ago, he came out to one of Technotronics other hits “Get Up” Technotronic actually had about 3 or 4 hits, so they weren’t exactly a one-hit wonder”

I had forgotten about Technotronic’s other “hits”, so I thank you for that. I think I was just thinking they were all the same song because they all sounded the same. As to the OX/Nightstalker vs. Trooper deal, I think they were just flinging whatever at the wall and then forgetting it if it didn’t work. I’m not even sure that Nightstalker and Trooper ever tangled, but if they did, I’m sure it was a mat classic.

From doug:
“I just never knew how the awa was at the end. how close are we to the last show? I hope we get wccw or gwf next…you deserve something that was at worst marginally better and at times a lot of fun! “

Thank you for those kind words, but I’m sure that the people at ESPN Classic are reading these and enjoying my sorrow, so they’ll continue to heap horrible AWA shows on me in the hopes of cracking me. I’ll be either too drunk or too crazy to care.

From Teijo Kahn:
“Here’s what ESPN Media Zone lists for Aug. 28, though I don’t think this is a real episode:
Marty Jannetti (AWA debut) vs. Nick Kiniski; Lord Littlebrook & Little Tokyo vs. Cowboy Lang & Little Mr. T; Stan Hansen vs. Rick Martel (World Heavyweight Title)
I don’t think Jannetty and Martel would have been there at the same time, and didn’t Nick Kiniski come much later? “

It looks like it would either be a best of show, or that they’re going back a bit to the ’86 time period again. Seeing as how none of that outside of Hansen/Martel seems worthy of a best of show, I think it just means that they’re going back in time.

From Steve:
“I don’t know if this has been mentioned yet, but Ralph Strangis, the “other” announcer, is now the voice of the Dallas Stars. He is awesome as a hockey announcer and generally an all around good guy. He even got to call the Stars Stanley Cup victory in ’99. “

I knew that voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I watch some Stars games on Center Ice with the Dish (mainly when they play Detroit) and I’ve heard him for years, without knowing of his dark, seedy past. Thanks for the info, Steve!!

From memphisheel:
“Damnit, when are we going to get a Kokina Maximus match?! I’m dying to show one of his pre-WWF matches to my wife, who only knows him as Yokozuna. I want her to see what Rodney Anoa’i was like before Vince McMahon turned him into a morbidly obese freak show character.”

I too have been hoping to get to see Kokina in action. Hopefully soon, since we were teased with it a couple of weeks back. I’m interested to see if he was a decent worker before he added on about two hundred pounds and short-circuited his lifespan by four decades.

Finally, from piperfan01:
“Jim Evans is my superstar of the week. He actually made me click the rewind button on my TIVO to watch some of his bumping around like a pinball. On one of these AWA shows thats saying something. “

Evans was indeed a fun jobber to watch and if I don’t miss my guess, he did some job work in the big time for the WWF as well. Rewinding ANYTHING on these AWA shows is worthy of praise, to be sure.

That’s it for me, same time tomorrow, more AWA, you know the drill. Later, gators.