A Brace for Impact 11.06.08

With us this week is a man who owns the coolest piece of wrestling memorabilia I have ever seen: an RoH hat covered in autographs from every significant name to pass through the company. He also recaps ECW. Ladies and gentlemen (ladies! Yeah right…), I give you…Michael Bauer!

Bauer: I’ve got my stopwatch ready, so I will once and for all show ECW has more wrestling than TNA.
Lansdell: The CSI credits are rolling, so Mr Bauer…are you ready to cross the line?
Bauer: I’m ready to tight rope walk it
Lansdell: BANNER!

Main Event Mafia intro Steiner, Joe is OFFENDED~!, Christian is still Switzerland

Bauer: Is it just me or does Sting in a suit not look 100% right
Lansdell: No, it’s not just you. In a suit and sans face paint. It’ just wrong.
Bauer: That also. Add in that the music for these guys sounds like something out of a Horror movie.
Lansdell: But it does have a bit of an Italian twinge…they are doing good things with this angle so far.
Bauer: No, that can not be denied. It’s just hard to see the champion and the leader of the pack not be one and the same.
Lansdell: I said that last week, and I still agree. However, he’s the worst talker of the bunch (excluding Sharmell) and the addition of Steiner does nothing to change that
Bauer: Who is? Sting?
Lansdell: Yes. Booker, ridiculous accent notwithstanding, is great on the mic.
Bauer: Ok, so over under… 4 months before Angle wants a shot at Sting?
Lansdell: Over. Well over. Even if Sting holds the belt that long, I hope and pray that they don’t ruin the angle by splitting up MEM over the belt. I’m just looking at the talent in that ring…32 world titles?
Bauer: 32? Wow.
Lansdell: Something like that.
Bauer: And the guy talking has the least
Lansdell: Steiner has less than Nash?
Bauer: I think so.
Lansdell: Angle has what, 8?
Bauer: At least. Hey, Steiner just plugged us!!
Lansdell: This is an amazing promo, even if he is taking shots at us. If you ignore the stumbling over half the words, that is.
Bauer: It is very good.
Lansdell: They could probably tone down the burial though. And the swearing, but I guess that’s Steiner. I’m not sure that it fits in with the image of cool and cocky that MEM are trying to portray, so it probably needs to stop.
Bauer: And Samoa Joe is tired of hearing the bleep button.
Lansdell: It’s scary to think that Joe is the best talker for the new guys.
Bauer: Joe has never been a bad talker though. Christian would be excellent for them
Lansdell: Yes, but we all know what’s going to happen to him
Bauer: We do?
Lansdell: We do. He’s going to lose to Booker on Sunday.
Bauer: Well, we can’t just let Booker’s title change hands that fast
Lansdell: No, quite. They should have held off on the introduction of the title if they were going to do the stipulation, at least then the result wouldn’t be so obvious.
Lansdell: I am Legend? Mr Cage, I have a Mr Smith on the white courtesy phone.
Bauer: Nah, I think he is too busy getting jiggy with it.

AJ and Foley arrive

Bauer: I was wondering where Styles was
Lansdell: According to my crack research staff, the MEM have 31world titles between them
Bauer: Ok, Nash has 6, Steiner 1, Booker 6.
Lansdell: Angle 8 and Sting 10. Hard to believe Steiner only had one. Also hard to believe I got that close to the correct number.
Bauer: Dang. Look out Triple H.
Lansdell: Can someone push Borash under a car?
Bauer: Why under a car? Wouldn’t in front be more effective?
Lansdell: Meh, whatever works. That joke about taking a Kurt and wiping your Angle has hopefully been killed by that Foley line though.
Bauer: Still, I find him better than any “Diva” who does interviews in the WWE.
Lansdell: Except ditzy Maria, who ruled. Especially when she would come up with genius stuff out of nowhere.

Beer Money and Booker T vs. Christian and The Motor City Machine Guns

Lansdell: BEER~!
Bauer: MONEY~!
Lansdell: Continuity be damned, Booker and Roode are friends now. I would not be surprised to see Sharmell hug him.
Bauer: I doubt they are, but you know, I totally forgot Booker T kept his same music, sort of.
Lansdell: That MCMG hand-point gesture has got to be the dumbest thing in recorded history
Bauer: Does anyone know what it means?
Lansdell: Of course I do, I’m a broadcast journalist! It’s supposed to be the location of Detroit in some weird way. I thought it was the location of Palm Beach.
Bauer: No comment. But I will say, Sabin and Shelley are the best team on television today. It’s not even close.
Lansdell: I don’t know, they’re on top for sure but Miz & Morrison and Beer Money are close. I’m surprised by how well Beer Money can keep up with them, considering the size difference. That could be a great feud, the chemistry certainly seems to be there.
Bauer: Yeah, I have to agree. But if the Guns lose, I don’t see TNA keeping them up there. Especially as they are in the feud with the Main Event Mafia.
Lansdell: I can see 3D getting the belts and joining the Mafia
Bauer: Oh please no.

Winners:Booker T and Beer Money via pinfall (Booker on Christian, belt-fu following numerous distractions~!)

Lansdell: Well that got 6 minutes, and it wasn’t bad at all. As I said, the Guns and Beer Money showed some great chemistry and the match did not noticeably drop when Booker came in. Booker with the dirty win was annoying and suggests a Cage win at the PPV, which just makes no sense. Of course, that’s nothing new for this company. For an MCMG match, there was a pleasing lack of spot-fu, and I’m interested to see more Beer Money-MCMG in the future. I’ll go **3/4 for a strong opener

Bauer: I’ll go with **1/2. 6 minutes just isn’t enough, but it wsn’t horrible. And yes, the dirty win is just so TNA. Probably would have made more sense for Booker to pin a Gun.

Tag Team Ladder Match: LAX vs. Tanahashi and Volador Jr. vs. Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Abyss

Bauer:: So let me get this straight. TNA is giving away a 4 way ladder match on free TV for a future Tag Team Title shot?
Lansdell: (11:14:30 PM): They are, but I have no problem with it. Their PPVs have been too gimmick-match heavy, and normally they would make this a title match. However, not even announcing this match? ZERO DOLLAH~!
Bauer: Yeah, the PPV lineup they showed had only one gimmick match.
Lansdell: So far. You know, I wonder if Vince ever watches TNA (I doubt it), sees what they’ve done with Matt Morgan, and hates himself
Bauer: He doesn’t. Even Linda said that TNA is like any other entertainment in terms of competition.
Lansdell: Which is the first time they actually acknowledged TNA as competition at all. Although I doubt Vince himself watches, but I’m pretty sure WWE keep an eye on the show and someone will have told Vince about Morgan, since Vince has a stiffy for muscleheads
Bauer: And if we had three hours, we could list everyone. As for the match, I have to give LAX the edge here. They have speed and strength, and won an insane four way in Ring of Honor just two weeks ago.
Lansdell: Yes, but do they have green cards?
Bauer: I hope so; Obama’s new policy will be harsh otherwise.
Lansdell: Why is Tanahashi wearing feathers?
Bauer: Helps him fly I guess.
Lansdell: So are we turning Beer Money face? Why else would they come down there?
Bauer: And TNA spoils a great match with a run in.
Lansdell: Not to mention the idiocy of preferring to face Morgan and Abyss over Team 3d!
Bauer: You see Roode’s face?
Lansdell: I blinked.
Bauer: He seriously freaked out but tried to convince himself it’s all okay.
Lansdell: Well that kind of rescues it I guess. Still, it does add credence to the idea of Team 3D joining the Mafia, taking their world title count over 50, and beating Beer Money for the belts.

Winners: Abyss and Matt Morgan via contract retrieval (Abyss climbed)

Lansdell: It’s frustrating. You start to get into a match, which has 3 talented teams and Team 3D. They let the old guys do their trademark spots to pop the crowd, and give the majority of the match to the young guys. Solid formula and it was working. Then we had the HEEL team do a run-in to cost the other HEEL team a title shot, instead giving it to two monsters. Insanity. I understand where they want to go with it, I agree with trying to expand the scope of the feud (as long as they don’t go too far), but there must have been a better way to do it. I still gotta go with **¼ because what we had was good, but I think Dewey Foley must be booking this week.

Bauer: TNA strikes again, but I understand the run in here. Roode’s expression was perfect for it. I liked the match and the spots. I’ll go for **3/4.

Foley Addresses AJ Styles, Sting interrupts

Lansdell: Foley really is a shell of his former self in so many ways.
Bauer: Well, his mic skills were never top notch unless he was going psycho.
Lansdell: But he always sounded confident and smooth and comfortable on the mic, now he just sounds like a shill.
Bauer: No question.
Lansdell: AJ’s Triple Crown was totally devalued by Kurt Angle doing it, ALONE, in one night.
Bauer: But he was the first. Nothing changes that.
Lansdell: No, but the accomplishment means so much less now.
Bauer: I think Sting needs to choose. Face paint or not
Lansdell: I imagine that’s as much Sting’s reluctance to give up a huge part of his character as anything else.
Bauer: Mike Tenay… shut up
Lansdell: Permanently. He had stopped talking over promos and ruining powerful moments, but he’s baaaaaaaack
Bauer: I’m buying Sting as a heel more and more.
Lansdell: Yes, they’ve done wonders in making that work. I’ll admit I didn’t see how they could, but verbally attacking a beloved face’s father will do it every time. I have to wonder what TNA’s fascination is with family members though.
Bauer: It makes it much more personal
Lansdell: Every time?
Bauer: Lather, rise, repeat…

Awesome Kong and Riesha Saeed vs. Taylor Wilde and Roxxi Rhaka Khan

Lansdell: Taylor Wilde still seems vanilla to me
Bauer: She does, but she is hot.
Lansdell: Her partner, however, is one-half of Team Fugly
Bauer: Yeah, from the Isle of Man?
Lansdell: I’ve been there, they don’t make em like that. I’m sure it’s meant to be a hilarious joke, but it’s not very funny.
Bauer: And can we please get the mask off of her.
Lansdell: No, that’s really her face. Scary, huh?
Bauer: No, I mean Kong’s handler.
Lansdell: Oh the burkha? I doubt it. I just want her in the ring more.
Bauer: I gotta imagine she’s something.
Lansdell: SWERVE~!
Bauer: Should I be shocked?
Lansdell: I honestly did not see that coming.
Bauer: The moment they stared down, I smelled it,
Lansdell: I won’t pretend I understand it either.
Bauer: At least team Fugly is complete.
Lansdell: But poor ODB! She has lost her teammate!
Bauer: Eh, she’s just ugly, not fugly.

Winners: Riesha Saeed and Awesome KONG~! via pinfall (Kong on Wilde, Implant Buster following swerve-tastic Rhaka Khan chokeslam)

Lansdell: I really thought they were going to use this match to set up Rhaka Khan vs Kong, which has money written on it ad would be a fresh feud for the Knockouts. If anyone can bring Khan along it would be Kong. Then they go and do that. Sure it was a good swerve, I didn’t expect it, but why? What does it accomplish? Kong needed a fresh challenger, and although I can see Roxxi getting a shot, we’ve done that. The match wasn’t horrible, but it was ridiculously short and did nothing for me. Except for lucha Wilde, which at least gave her some personality. *½

Bauer: I agree, Khan vs. Kong would be nice. But outside of Kong, what heel knockouts where there. The match was just kinda there, *.
Lansdell: You raise a good point, the division does need more heels so they can put the belt on a face. I guess hoping for Jackie to wrestle and letting Saeed do more was too much?
Bauer: Yeah, I’d say so.

Tenay interviews Bashir

Lansdell: This is how the Muhammad Hassan angle should have been done
Bauer: Bet you anything that Bashir told Jarrett that.
Lansdell: And he’s right. Who knew Daivari had this in him?
Bauer: Well… I never heard him speak English
Lansdell: Akbar in McDonald’s! Line of the decade! For all the heat TNA gets for misusing their ex-WWE veteran talent, they have done wonders with Bashir. Tenay added a nice touch by showing why it’s personal for him, and Bashir took it to another level saying that he lost his wife. Bashir is still a clear heel but they are starting to introduce elements of doubt, things that make you wonder if maybe he doesn’t have a point.
Bauer: No doubt. And like with Morgan, Vince is shaking his head in disbelief.

Eric Young, Jay Lethal and Consequences Creed vs. Kevin Nash, Kurt Angle and Sting

Lansdell: Let’s see, 3 X-Division guys against Sting, Nash and Angle. Hmmm tough one to predict.
Bauer: That almost spells S-Q-U-A-S-H. Nash must love having to face his “creation”
Lansdell: Whatever happened to Sonjay Dutt? Wellness suspension?
Bauer: Do they have those? Maybe his honeymoon with SoCal Val never ended
Lansdell: There was a report a few weeks back, according to that sexy Sunday news guy, that TNA were starting a Wellness policy. Maybe he’s being kept off while he cycles down?
Bauer: The bell rings, let the destruction begin
Lansdell: Lethal holds a clean win over Angle, don’t forget
Bauer: And he got bitched out that night by Samoa Joe.
Lansdell: Amazing, this is not a total burial!
Bauer: Super Eric has offense!
Lansdell: Wow, the young guys are holding their own! This is reminiscent of DX vs Miz & Morrison.

Winners: The Main Event Mafia via pinfall (Angle on Creed, Angle Slam

Lansdell: Well that was a pleasant surprise. Sure it was still too short, but the result was the only one they could logically have and I feared a squash. At least they let the kids get in some solid offence and they didn’t look completely outclassed in losing, just inexperienced. Of course that is EXACTLY what they were going for: old age and treachery over youth and ability. I can’t give it more than **½, due to being short and not above average, but it did its job perfectly in terms of telling a story without the need for a promo or post-match shenanigans.

Bauer: It was short, but the three kids against 24 World Titles. What more did you expect? Eric got most of the offense for the kids, which shocked me. It was clean, which adds a little to me. I’ll agree with Chris and go ** 1/2.

Rhyno pleases McCain

Bauer: Rhino looks like a freaking playa.
Lansdell: He also sounds like a racist xenophobic redneck
Bauer: An angry one
Lansdell: It’s Bashir’s country too you idiot. I HATE people like that. Bashir is a US citizen, he has as much right to the country as Rhyno does. Kick his ass and leave that sort of talk out of it. Obama would not approve of that message.
Bauer: But how do you not agree that if you don’t like it here, leave. It’s simple.
Lansdell: I do agree, but Bashir clearly said he loved the country. He hated the way he was treated after an event that he had nothing to do with.
Bauer: Maybe Rhino never saw the interview.
Lansdell: Even the talent can’t bear to watch. Telling.

Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe

Bauer: You ever felt a Samoa Joe chop?
Lansdell: I’ll pass.
Bauer: Front row at RoH and a chop right in front of me. My chest hurt.
Lansdell: I’ve been 2 feet from a Roderick Strong chop. And a Go Shiozaki one, and an Erick Stevens one. I would not like to have felt any of them.
Bauer: Look at the DVD from the last RoH show in the Manhattan Center. I was two inches from those chops.
Lansdell: Seems like tonight’s theme is to let the older, less mobile guys do only their spots, but leave the bulk of the match to the wrestlers
Bauer: Yeah. Then we just like guys like Joe go nuts.
Lansdell: Again, it’s a good formula and it tells me that TNA might finally have it figured out. Honestly, can you see this ending any way other than a clusterfuck?
Bauer: It’s TNA. I shouldn’t have to annswer that.
Lansdell: If it comes after a clean finish, I can handle it
Bauer: Nope, no clean finish first. Remember those days wehere beating Samoa Joe really meant something?
Lansdell: Nope. And that’s sad.

Winner:Scott Steiner by pinfall (knux shot aided by Nash-terference)

Lansdell: Well that was…something. A main event that ended with brass knuckles as the go-home for your PPV. I can understand not wanting to make Steiner look weak in his return match, and putting him over Joe instead of Styles (who has the title shot) makes a little sense. What we had in this match wasn’t exactly setting my pulse racing either. I understand both the match and the finish, and of course the beatings, but they could have done this match earlier in the show. It just seems a strange way to get us to buy the PPV. I’ll go *½

Bauer: Everything you said is true. I loved the part of this match before the commercial. Once we came back, it started nicely and went to hell. **

Final Thoughts

Bauer: TNA hopefully went through all the run-ins now before the PPV. They built every match up well, which is more than we can always say about the WWE. Overall, it was a decent show, but not one that would get me buying the Pay Per View.

Lansdell: So true. This is the 6th edition of Brace for Impact, and I feel like every week I’m saying the same thing: nothing was actively bad, but nothing was amazing either. Several matches had promising starts but were cut off by time constraints, run-ins, strange booking and so forth. At least everything they did that I would normally harp on – run-ins, interference, swerves – had a discernible reason behind them once you thought about it. With Cornette no longer in an on-screen role, have they moved him to the position of Russo leash-holder? In political terms, the radical left-wing booking of Russo would find a perfect foil in the hard right-wing booking of Cornette, and that certainly seems to be played out by what we’re seeing on TV. Wrestling needs extremes sometimes to keep you watching, but Russo unchecked tends to carry that thought too far. With the King of Polyester pulling him in the opposite direction, hopefully it can be toned down.

That’s our show, boys and girls. I’ll be back later today with Buy or Sell, where I plan to obliterate the same Mr Bauer I just spent 2 hours chatting with. Then I’ll be in on Sunday with Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch News Report and probably the Instant Analysis of Turning Point. Stay Cool, Rock Hard.

Lansdellicious – Out.