The Name on the Marquee: WWF Wrestling Challenge – March 1987

-Originally aired March 1, 1987.

-We’re in Springfield, MA.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

-We open things up by taking another look at the Hart Foundation’s big title victory over the British Bulldogs.

HART FOUNDATION (Tag Team Champions, with Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis) vs. S.D. JONES & LEAPING LANNY POFFO
-Davis is decked out in a ridiculous-looking tuxedo jacket with tails and short tights. They’d streamline the look by Wrestlemania. Poffo reads some derogatory verses and Davis lunges at him, with both Harts and Jimmy holding him back, which is pretty funny.

-Poffo starts with Anvil and dazes him early on with a dropkick. Jones comes in and falls victim to apron interference by the Hitman. Bodyslam by the Anvil and Hart enters the match legally with an elbow and a legdrop. Tito and the Bulldogs drop in to tell Danny Davis that they’re counting the days until Wrestlemania. Bobby Heenan gets a great line off of that, saying that Danny has nothing to worry about since they can’t count and will probably miss the show as a result.

-Backbreaker by Bret and he holds Jones in place for a shot to the throat from Anvil. Harts work Jones over against the ropes as Poffo complains. Jones counters a backdrop with a sunset flip for a two-count. Hart tags in Anvil to pound down Jones a little bit more, and the Hart Attack finishes him off. Davis puts the boots to Jones post-match.

WRESTLEMANIA III CONTRACT SIGNING
-Hogan and Andre stare each other down as Gene Okerlund introduces the dignitaries for today’s signing. Jack Tunney addresses Andre as “Mister Roussimoff” for a nice touch of realism. Bobby Heenan refuses to sign the contract until Jack Tunney promises to design a new title belt in the event that Andre wins, since the current belt design is intended for “that man.” Bobby tosses the belt across the table to get the point across.

-Hogan gets fed up and tells them to sign the contract, complete with a hilarious close-up shot that makes you wonder who the hell thought this guy should star in a movie. By the way, Hogan showed up for this contract signing in his wrestling gear, which really makes him look like an idiot when he’s in an office surrounded by guys in suits. Hogan says that this contract will be signed in blood. And then he signs it with the pen. Well, okay then. Andre begins taunting him in French and Hogan tells him to speak English if they’re going to talk. Andre simply says “Au Revoir” and walks away.

KING HARLEY RACE (with Bobby Heenan) vs. MARIO MANCINI
-Well, Harley got his name back this week, so that’s nice. Johnny V comes in for commentary. JYD drops in to say that if he wins at Wrestlemania III, he wants Harley to curtsey.

-Race uses the knee kind of a lot…and stomps too. Gutwrench suplex by Race and he follows with the cradle suplex to finish. Pretty lethargic week for his majesty.

-Mean Gene Okerlund talks to Billy Jack Haynes, who says that if Hercules plans on applying the full nelson at Wrestlemania III, he’d better plan on breaking the neck in the process, because that’s the only way he’ll submit.

KOKO B. WARE vs. IRON MIKE SHARPE
-Armdrag by Koko to start on the right foot. Here’s Butch Reed to tell us that the Birdman will be plucked and stuffed on March 29.

-Sharpe gets knocked out of the ring and adjusts the arm brace for an attempted comeback, but Koko is right on him once he’s back in the ring. Backdrop by Koko. Missile dropkick and the ghostbuster finish him off.

-Bob Uecker and Jesse Ventura practice muscle poses for Wrestlemania III.

-Gene Okerlund talks about Wrestlemania III. “The card includes a heavyweight title defense for Hulk Hogan…Andre the Giant is the challenger, by the way.” Not your finest work, Gene. The Rougeau Brothers are excited about the record-setting crowd.

-We look at the newest addition to the WWF, Hacksaw Jim Duggan! Hacksaw sweeps some garbage out of an arena and vows to clean up all the garbage in the WWF, like Randy Savage!

RANDY “Macho Man” SAVAGE (Intercontinental Champion, with Elizabeth) vs. JIM POWERS
-Hiptoss by Powers to start off hot. Savage knees him down but gets rolled up for a two-count. Ricky Steamboat reminds us that George Steele will be in his corner at Wrestlemania III.

-Back to the match, Powers is still firmly in control with an Irish whip, but Savage blocks an Irish whip and clotheslines him. Flying elbow gets the win.

SNAKE PIT
-Roberts wants to know how a man with two good eyes like Honky Tonk Man could be so blind to what he’s done. Hercules & Bobby Heenan are this week’s guests. Snake wants to know why a guy like Hercules would want to be guided by a man who has never done an honest day’s work. Heenan says that Jake wishes that he was managing him, and Jake says, “Don’t you remember when I told you no?” Jake says he’s stood toe-to-toe with Billy Jack Haynes and he respects the man, so Hercules had better be careful.

WRESTLEMANIA III REPORT
-Jake Roberts will now face Honky Tonk Man at Wrestlemania III, and Alice Cooper will be in his corner.

-Dino Bravo will now be in the corner of the Dream Team as they face the Rougeau Brothers! Smell the interestingness!

-Bobby Heenan gives Bob Uecker his jacket, in exchange for promising to do a good job announcing Andre the Giant as the new champion.

-Jesse Ventura talks to Mary Hart and tease having an affair. Hot.

-Aretha Franklin will be there to kick off the show.

BRUNO SAMMARTINO vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF (with Iron Sheik & Slick)
-Volkoff attacks Bruno early on with lots of stomping, as Gorilla & Bobby spin that Bruno’s in better health now than he was as champion, because he has a more relaxed schedule. Rather convincing logic, actually. More and more stomping by Nikolai, but Bruno counters a charge with raised boots, then does it again. Right hands by Bruno as the Killer Bees drop in and wish him well.

-More punches and Bruno rams Nikolai into the turnbuckle. Bruno tries to finish with a half-crab, but Sheik attacks from behind. Bruno holds his own for a while, but when they have him cornered, the Killer Bees run to the ring and clear the…oh dear god, tell me they’re not wearing leotards…clear the ring.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, and Little Beaver. He’s worried about his two partners because Bundy’s kinda mean.

-And that’s the end of the show. So we’re not getting that Paul Orndorff/Roddy Piper match that they promised us at the end of the last show. Well, that’s just great.

-Onward to the next week!

-Originally aired March 8, 1987.

-Still in Springfield, State That Springfield is In.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan.

CAN-AM CONNECTION vs. GLADIATOR & JIMMY JACK FUNK
-Kind of a mixed reaction for the Can-Ams this week, but that’s bound to happen with pretty-boy combos. Martel starts with Gladiator and Funk distracts from the outside to give the jobbers the early advantage. Martel manages to get a tag while being atomic dropped and Zenk scores a flying bodypress for two. Zenk elbows him down and Martel backdrops Funk. Orton & Muraco drop in to tell us that piledrivers & superplexes win matches, not cheers from fans.

-Gladiator snapmares Zenk and clamps on a headlock. Funk tags in and tries to finish with a body vice, but Zenk counters and rolls him up for two. Gladiator tags back in a slams Zenk for two. Kneelift by Gladiator and Funk comes back in. Shoulderbreaker by Funk gets two. Zenk counters a sunset flip for two. Gladiator comes back in and flips Zenk over for two, but Zenk rolls him up suddenly for a two. Heels attempted a double-team, but Zenk dropkicks both of them down and finally gets the hot tag. Martel is the proverbial house of fire and uses Gladiator’s body to knock Funk off the apron. Slingshot from the apron by Zenk gets the win. Good little match.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Bob Uecker. Uecker tells the story of getting involved in wrestling when he was a kid because his parents did laundry for the stars of Milwaukee, like Crusher & Dick the Bruiser. How often did you hear those guys talked about here?

-Wrestlemania III will be bigger!…Better!…BAAAADDDDEEEERRRR!

-We go to footage from WWF Superstars of Wrestling of a six-man tag team bout pitting Leaping Lanny Poffo & the Can-Am Connection against Adrian Adonis & Dream Team. Rick Martel & Brutus Beefcake are brawling in the heel corner and Adonis decides to send a message to Roddy Piper by pulling out some scissors and cutting Martel’s hair…Problem is, he’s really not paying attention to who he’s attacking, and he accidentally gives Beefcake the haircut.

-Beefcake, devastated, tells Adonis that he hopes Piper wins at Wrestlemania III.

ADORABLE ADRIAN ADONIS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. DON DRIGGERS
-Adonis misses a charge and gets dropkicked right off. He comes back quickly and pounds away at Driggers. He sends him to the floor and rams him into the timekeeper’s table. Roddy Piper drops in and warns Adrian Adonis, “Hair today, gone tomorrow.”

-Adonis grinds Driggers’ eyes across the top rope and boots him down. Goodnight Irene finishes Driggers off.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Hercules, who is wearing leather armbands and a chain around his neck. This guy is setting some kind of record for amount of time spent in the promotion without settling on a consistent look.

-On Superstars of Wrestling, Slick attacks Tito Santana with his cane, but Tito no-sells it and bodyslams him.

TITO SANTANA vs. BARRY O
-Mel Phillips introduces Barry O as hailing from Las Vegas, but neglects to mention its fabulousness. Tito tries a few holds but O makes it to the ropes. Here’s Danny Davis to blame Tito Santana for getting him fired.

-Tito & O are still jockeying for position and Tito finally gets the upper hand with a series of dropkicks that sends O to the floor. Back in the ring, Tito applies a side headlock. O fights out and throws punches in the corner. Bodyslam by O, but an elbow misses. O flips Tito over the top rope and onto the floor and Tito writhes on the floor for a while, struggling to make it back into the ring. Slick suddenly appears at ringside and bashes Tito with his cane while O distracts the referee. O slams Tito back into the ring for a two-count. Tito gets the flying forearm out of nowhere for the sudden win.

-Mary Hart interviews Gene Okerlund, grilling him about how to interview professional wrestlers.

-Gene talks to Randy Savage, accusing him of mounting paranoia leading up to his Intercontinental Title bout. Savage tells Gene that “Your red tie doesn’t give you the right to criticize the champion.”

-Hacksaw Jim Duggan sits on a forklift. Gorilla Monsoon tells us that “anywhere you see equipment, you’ll see Hacksaw.” That should have been a t-shirt.

KAMALA (with Wizard & Kimchee) vs. JERRY MONTI
-Just curious; I know Steve Lombardi was Kimchee during Kamala’s 90s run, is it Lombardi here too? And furthermore, who the hell was under the mask when his name was Friday? Aretha Franklin says that Kamala can’t fit on the Freeway of Love. I’m guessing that the sentence “Oh, come on!” was uttered by one side or the other before she said that.

-Splash by Kamala, and Air Uganda to finish.

SNAKE PIT
-Jake brings out Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid, and Little Beaver. The midgets are a little scared of Damien until Jake promises them that he’s already been fed. I’m just now realizing how sick and twisted the hype for this match was, as they were basically selling this match on the promise that Bundy was going to go nuts and kill midgets.

WRESTLEMANIA III REPORT
-We take another look at Hulk’s dorky close-up during the contract signing.

-Aretha Franklin talks to Jimmy Hart, who tries to talk him into singing a duet with the Honky Tonk Man. Aretha tells him to shut up.

-Mary Hart will be there, as well as Alice Cooper and Bob Uecker. Here’s Bob Uecker to talk about rooting for Germany and putting pants on Smokey Bear. No wonder Mr. Belvedere was always so cranky.

HONKY TONK MAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. DAVE STOUDIMIERE
-Jimmy Hart wants a piece of Alice Cooper, figuring that a guy named Alice probably isn’t very tough.

-Honky hammers down Dave and then takes a moment to smooth his hair back. He tosses Dave to the floor while Gorilla talks about having lunch with his good friend Andre a few days ago, and Bobby goes into a conniption about that. Interesting that before “shades of grey” was ever coined, we’re basically being told that Andre only really has an issue with Hulk; he still plans on hanging out with all of his friends.

-Honky handles Stoudimiere easily and finishes with the Shake, Rattle, and Roll. And Honky…you are more than welcome for our support.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Billy Jack Haynes…cripes, that’s three weeks in a row. Was Billy the only guy who showed up for one of the taping sessions?

Next show!

-Originally aired March 15, 1987.

-Springfield, MA, one more time.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

-We start off with the closing moments of Billy Jack Haynes vs. King Kong Bundy on Superstars of Wrestling. Haynes has the full nelson locked in when Bobby Heenan interferes to break the hold, and Hercules runs in to make it 3-on-1.

BILLY JACK HAYNES vs. MOONDOG SPOT
-Spot attacks from behind as Haynes removes his hat, but Haynes catches him coming off the ropes with a chop. Snapmare and an elbowdrop by Haynes, and a dropkick sends Spot to the floor. We go to pre-tape of Haynes cutting another damn promo. He’s the master of the full nelson, if you haven’t heard.

-To prove his point, he ties up Spot in the full nelson and gets the victory right away.

-Bob Uecker and Jesse Ventura have another posedown to practice for Wrestlemania III. It’s going to be bigger! Better! BAAAAADDDDDEEEEERRRRR!

-We take another look at Adrian Adonis’ accidental haircut, causing Brutus Beefcake to lose in that six-man tag team match.

DINO BRAVO & DREAM TEAM (with Johnny V) vs. MIKE LUCA, PAUL ROMA, & “Italian Stallion” SALVATORE BELLOMO
-Beefcake is wearing a doorag to cover up his new bald spot. On the jobber side, Salvatore Bellomo is suddenly doing a boxer gimmick.

-Bravo & Roma start. Roma slams Bravo right away and they trade arm wringers after that. Bravo starts throwing punches but gets caught with a bodypress for two. The Rougeaus drop in to warn Bravo that he’d better stay on the floor at Wrestlemania III.

-Valentine & Bellomo are in there now, and despite the boxing gimmick, Bellomo is wearing a leotard with a giant X on the front. He mulekicks Valentine but gets elbowed down. Shoulderbreaker by Valentine and he drops an elbow and chokes away. Beefcake steps in and applies a side headlock. Backdrop counter is whiffed by Bellomo and he basically winds up backdropping himself. Roma tags in and gets double-teamed by Bravo & Beefcake. Gutwrench suplex gets two. Valentine comes back in and suplexes him. Beefcake returns and throws forearms. Roma mounts a comeback with a dropkick, and Roma steals his doorag and gives it to Luca. Beefcake goes absolutely insane and just mauls Luca with punches. Bravo comes in with a side suplex to finish. Beefcake comes back in and just keeps beating on Luca post-match.

-The Can-Am Connection can’t wait for Wrestlemania III, when Muraco & Orton give them the biggest test of their lives.

-Bob Uecker is excited about Wrestlemania III. It’ll be more exciting than being in the army!

JUNKYARD DOG vs. RICK RENSLOW
-Bobby Heenan demonstrates how to place the crown on the king’s head in a pre-taped segment. Given that he was actually in the arena, these “lessons” from Heenan could have had a lot more heat if he did them live from the broadcast table.

-JYD has no trouble with Renslow and gives him the Thump quickly to finish.

-Jake Roberts & Alice Cooper threaten Honky Tonk and his manager, “the one-hit wonder” Jimmy Hart. Alice tells Jimmy to keep on dancing.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Adrian Adonis about the hair vs. hair match. He hasn’t decided weather to use a chainsaw or hedgeclippers. Bobby Heenan & Hercules step in to tell Billy Jerk Haynes that they’re watching him; every move he makes, every step he takes. Now that’s a song that you’d never expect to be quoted for a promo.

DEMOLITION (with Johnny V) vs. SIVI AFI & TOMMY SHARPE
-This is a little surprising given how early we are in Demolition’s run, but the crowd is already popping for them and booing their opponents. For those keeping track, they now have entrance music (a repetitive guitar riff that Rick Derringer worked his magic with later in the year) and Barry Darsow is now Smash.

-Demolition clears the ring before taking off all of their gear. Ax destroys Sharpe as Bobby Heenan leaves to tend to some unspecified business. Nice touch, as the commentators aren’t on camera, but Gorilla suddenly begins cracking up and explains that Heenan did a pratfall on his way out. Aretha Franklin doesn’t think Demolition is beautiful, but they can come to Wrestlemania III and listen if they want. Why did they put Aretha in charge of pimping wrestlers who weren’t on the card?

-Oh, crap, there was a match going on during all of that. Decapitator finishes.

SNAKE PIT
-Jake’s guests are Andre the Giant & Bobby Heenan. Andre refuses to talk, while Heenan demands to pick a winner. Jake says that faith dictates that Andre should win, but you learn things by doubting, and Heenan’s presence makes him doubtful that Andre can win. Fortune cookies aren’t always a great resource for promos.

WRESTLEMANIA III REPORT
-Jimmy Hart tells Bob Uecker about the hair vs. hair match at Wrestlemania III.

-Mary Hart talks to Bobby Heenan & Andre the Giant. Mary says she’s been studying up on wrestling and she knows that clotheslines are wicked and Bobby is a weasel. Andre tells her that she talks too much.

-Billy Jack Haynes has more comments for Hercules. Holy shit, who in the production team was this guy blowing? He’s not THAT good.

-The Dream Team cuts a promo, and Beefcake has a full head of hair.

-The Hart Foundation & Danny Davis chastise the British Bulldogs and “the Burrito Brother” for having a beef with them.

-We look back at Saturday Night’s Main Event, when George Steele kidnapped Elizabeth and took her to the locker room to do god-knows-what with her. After ten long years, they let him out of the home, and he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones. Ooooo-waaaaa-oooooo….

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. “The Duke of Dorchester” PETER DOUGHERTY
-Wristlocks and hammerlocks are exchanged, and Steamboat trips Dougherty with a drop toehold. They trade arm wringers again and Steamboat trips him again. Hammerlock by Steamboat. Dougherty tries to snapmare out, but Steamboat hangs on. Dougherty gets to the ropes to break free. Dougherty tries a full nelson but Steamboat calmly walks out of it. Side headlock by Dougherty, but Steamboat sends him into the ropes and dropkicks him. Pair of armdrags and Steamboat applies the armbar. Dougherty backs him into a corner and throws punches. Steamboat comes back with a hiptoss and an armdrag, and we’re back to the armbar. Steamboat wrings the arm but gets hiptossed and misses the elbow. He comes back with another armdrag and we’re back to the armbar. Dougherty breaks free and sends Steamboat over the top rope, but that backfires like you’d expect and Dougherty gets chopped all over the place. Delayed suplex by Steamboat and the chop from the top rope finishes.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Roddy Piper about his impending departure. He brings in Hulk Hogan and shakes his hand, wishing him well on his way out the door. Hulk thanks Piper for giving him a locker room pep talk convincing him to accept Andre’s challenge. Hulk says he accepted the challenge because if he beats the unbeatable man, Hulkamania will always be remembered. That’s a valid point, all things considered.

-Onto the next week and the next venue…

-Originally aired March 22, 1987.

-We’re in Columbus, OH, indirect birthplace of MTV.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

BATTLE ROYAL
-And we start right off with Saturday Night’s Main Event highlights. Hogan eliminates Orndorff, and Andre sneaks up from behind, headbutts him, and calmly tosses him to the floor. Andre sneers and shakes his arms off to convey “too easy”. Andre dispatches Jim Brunzell, and finally, everybody remaining in the ring gangs up on Andre and log-rolls him over the top rope and onto the floor (but why did Hercules help?)

HART FOUNDATION (Tag Team Champions, with Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis) vs. JIM POWERS & PAUL ROMA
-They’re not the Young Stallions just yet, but this appears to be the first time that anybody realized that they had two good-looking jobbers who looked alike and paired them up.

-Bret starts with Roma and Roma backdrops and dropkicks Bret to a HUGE pop as Bob Uecker sneaks in to brag about having the best seat in the house at Wrestlemania III.

-Anvil drops Powers across the top rope and pounds him. He tosses Powers to the floor and Davis puts the boots to him until the other half of the Job-Ber Connection comes over, and which point Danny runs away. Bret drops an elbow on Powers and follows with a backbreaker. Hart Attack finishes. Davis beats on Powers for a while post-match and tosses him out of the ring.

WRESTLERS REBUTTAL
-Craig DeGeorge talks to Roddy Piper. Piper looks back at his career and his opponents. “Remember this guy? (Makes the I Love You gesture with his hand) He’s gone.”

KOKO B. WARE vs. JOHNNY K-9
-Koko takes K-9 down with shoulderblocks and hiptosses him. Armdrags and a bodyslam send K-9 to the floor. Back in, K-9 mounts a comeback with a backbreaker, but Koko fights back with a backdrop. Koko counters an Irish whip with a missile dropkick and finishes with the ghostbuster.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Andre the Giant…or tries to, until Bobby Heenan steps in and insists on doing the talking for him.

-Hacksaw Jim Duggan mops the arena floor while promising to show Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik what America is all about. It’s so weird that these early promos are portraying him essentially as “Jim Duggan, the wrestling janitor,” but once he debuted, it was never brought up again. And yet, in the dying days of WCW, that’s exactly the gimmick he wound up with.

-Oh, and brainstorm: You’d have to cast the right guy to play the part, but I was thinking about Honky Tonk Man’s shoot interview, where he said one of his first gimmicks in wrestling was a take-off on Schneider from “One Day at a Time.” You know what TV character would get over like crazy as a wrestler, if done properly? Janitor from “Scrubs.”

KING KONG BUNDY (with Bobby Heenan) vs. MARIO MANCINI
-Johnny V steps in for commentary on this one, and tells us that Bundy is so large that “He could be Mr. America Plus Parts of Canada.” Hillbilly Jim tells Bundy not to touch his midgets. I had a priest warn me about that once. He said I’d go blind.

-Bundy avalanches Mancini immediately, gets the five-count, and grabs the microphone to announce that “This is what happens to any midget who gets in my way.” Mancini leaves on a stretcher.

-Jesse Ventura talks to Mary Hart. Gene Okerlund talks to Hulk Hogan, who says Andre the Giant is a bigger challenge than ripping the bumper off a Cadillac.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Aretha Franklin, who can’t wait for next Sunday!

CAN-AM CONNECTION vs. IRON MIKE SHARPE & TERRY GIBBS
-Zenk starts with Iron. A bottle of Centrum…EXPLODES! Four-man brawl erupts right away and the heels get dropkicked out of the ring. Sharpe is double-monkeyflipped as Orton & Muraco say that power & knowledge can overcome excitement any day of the week. Zenk lands a flying bodypress on Gibbs and Martel tries to take charge, but Gibbs takes control. Sharpe hammers Martel briefly, but he’s able to make the tag and Zenk takes the advantage back. Another brawl erupts and ends with double-dropkicks again. Powerslam and the slingshot splash finish.

PIPER’S PIT
-From Superstars of Wrestling. Jack Tunney is the guest, announcing that Bobby Heenan has made a request that a new, larger belt be made in the event that Andre wins at Wrestlemania III. This is the only time that this belt was ever seen, amazingly, but it’s actually my personal favorite design for a title belt ever, and if things go well for me on “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” I think I’m actually going to plunk down the cash for a replica belt.

-Andre the Giant walks out to take a look at the belt and leaves with it. I’m positive that the entire point of introducing a new belt that would only be seen once was to make cynical fans sit up and say “Well, wait a minute…they wouldn’t make a new belt if Andre was losing.”

SNAKE PIT
-Oooooh, BOTH segments this week. Jake’s guest is Hulk Hogan. Jake has the Andre belt with him, and actually echoes what I just typed, saying “They didn’t even custom-make a belt for Bundy! Jack Tunney had this belt made because nobody thinks you’re going to win!” Hogan puts on a brave face and says he can’t win, even if Andre is a 550-pound monster. And there you have it: The first time Hulk ever lied about Andre’s weight to put himself over.

WRESTLEMANIA III REPORT
-The Pontiac Silverdome is totally sold-out, but you can still join us on full-color closed-circuit TV. For God’s sake, it’s 1987, is it still that important to assure people that a TV show will be in color? We get comments from Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Bob Uecker, Mary Hart, and Alice Cooper.

-Bob Uecker talks to Bobby Heenan, who refuses to practice yelling “New WWF Champion, Andre the Giant!” Andre steps in to glower at him.

HERCULES (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JIM YOUNG
-Blows are exchanged and Hercules wins that battle. Here’s Billy Jack Haynes and holy crap, he’s wearing a Billy Jack Haynes t-shirt. I had no idea that such a thing existed.

-Hercules disposes of Young easily with the full nelson.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Randy Savage, who says it’s going to be “Mr. Nervous vs. Mr. Hyper” in the Intercontinental Title match at the Silverdome. These people will presumably have ringside seats.

-One more to go…

-Originally aired a few hours before Wrestlemania III.

-We’re in Columbus, OH.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

TITO SANTANA (with British Bulldogs) vs. GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (with Dino Bravo, Brutus Beefcake, & Johnny V)
-Lock-up to start and it turns into a fistfight quickly. Irish whip by Tito and he starts to work the leg. Danny Davis drops in to promise that Tito will be taught a wrestling lesson soon.

-Bodyslam by Valentine and an elbow gets two. Valentine tries a chokehold. Tito fights back with elbows and charges at Valentine with a forearm. Valentine mounts a quick comeback and goes for the figure four, but Tito kicks him away. More fists by Tito, but Valentine comes back with an atomic drop. Tito hangs onto Valentine’s body from that position and turns it into a figure four. Dino & Johnny V yank Tito out of the ring, but the Bulldogs bolt over, and it turns into a brawl between Dino, Johnny, and the Bulldogs…while Brutus Beefcake stands in the distance and just hangs out.

WRESTLERS REBUTTAL
-Craig DeGeorge talks to King Kong Bundy. Bad things will happen to midgets if they aren’t careful.

-We go to Superstars of Wrestling, where Hacksaw Jim Duggan vows that as long as he’s in the WWF, Nikolai Volkoff won’t be allowed to sing the Soviet anthem. In the ring, Volkoff begins singing, so Duggan takes 2×4 in hand and chases Volkoff, Sheik, and Slick back to the locker room.

KING HARLEY RACE (with Bobby Heenan) vs. RICK HUNTER
-Race attacks Hunter from behind and follows with a kneelift and a kneedrop. JYD drops in to offer a few words as Race scores the win with the cradle suplex. Race & Heenan force Hunter to bow after the match.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Slick, Iron Sheik, & Nikolai Volkoff about the issues they have with Jim Duggan & the Killer Bees.

-Dino Bravo vows that the Dream Team will tear the “French Frogs” apart at Wrestlemania III. Gorilla correctly points out that Dino is “not exactly Irish, you know.”

ROUGEAU BROTHERS vs. DAVE WAGNER & RICK RENSLOW
-Jacques & Wagner start and Jacques monkeyflips him. Raymond comes in and counters when Wagner tries a monkeyflip. Here’s Johnny V to promise that there’s no dissention in the Dream Team, no matter what anybody says.

-Back to the match, Renslow misses a splash from the second rope and Jacques sunset flips him for two. Savate kick by Raymond gets another two. Battering ram by the Rougeaus, and both jobbers get backdropped. Wagner is dropkicked out of the ring and Bombe de Rougeaus finishes off Renslow.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Aretha Franklin, who’s looking forward to seeing Jake Roberts at Wrestlemania III. Next up is Andre the Giant, whose shirt is totally soaked for some reason. Bobby Heenan steps in and calls Hulk Hogan a yellow, no-good coward.

-Bob Uecker & Jesse Ventura are ready for Wrestlemania III.

ADORABLE ADRIAN ADONIS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CORPORAL KIRCHNER
-Roddy Piper shows us that he’s been growing his hair long just for Adrian. Kirchner shoulderblocks Adonis out of the ring. Stall session follows, but back in the ring, Adrian lays some knees into the stomach. Kirchner reverses an Irish whip and backdrops Adonis. Adrian comes back with a back suplex and finishes with a splash off the top rope.

SNAKE PIT
-No guest this week. Jake just needs to get some things off his mind about the Honky Tonk Man. Alice Cooper will see to it that Damien is hungry enough to swallow Jimmy Hart whole. And Honky, remember…Jake is the one that your mother warned you about.

WRESTLEMANIA III REPORT
-“Kenny Loggins said it…This is it!” Gene says to start. They actually dusted that line off to mock him years later in the Billionaire Ted skits.

-Mary Hart & Jimmy Hart are ready for Wrestlemania III.

-Bobby Heenan talks to Aretha Franklin. Aretha laughs when Bobby says that Andre is going to win.

-JYD thinks “King Dog” sounds nice.

RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs. JIMMY JACK FUNK
-Funk attacks on the apron and suplexes Steamboat in. Clothesline by Funk and Randy Savage comes in to do some final trash-talking.

-Funk suddenly grabs his lasso and tries to use it, but Steamboat comes to life and throws chops. Suplex by Steamboat. Funk tries to toss him over the top rope, but Steamboat skins the cat and tosses Funk to the floor. They trade chops outside and Funk catches Steamboat with a kneelift. Steamboat comes back with an elbow. Chop from the top finishes things. George “The Animal” Steele comes to the ring to celebrate.

-Hulk Hogan is ready for Wrestlemania III, no matter how many doubters surround him.

-Great end segment, with Gorilla promoting next week’s show:

GORILLA: Next week, it will be my pleasure to bring you part one of “The Ken Patera Story”…
BOBBY: What?!
GORILLA: One of the greatest athletes ever to come out of the United States.
BOBBY: (shitting a brick) What did you say?!

And a bonus for you to round out the month…It’s WWF Prime Time Wrestling!

-Originally aired March 30, 1987.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan. Gorilla starts the show by leveling with us about the pre-taped nature of things. Since this episode was recorded before Wrestlemania III, we won’t be discussing it tonight.

OUTLAW RON BASS vs. LEAPING LANNY POFFO
-Lanny raises the bar quite a bit by rhyming “moustache” and “panache” in his poem. Lanny plays Artful Dodger to start and gets a quick shot to the torso to catch the Outlaw off-guard. Side headlock by Poffo is broken by a yank of the hair. Poffo kips up and love taps Bass. He goes back to the side headlock. Bass shoves him into the ropes, but Poffo cartwheels right over him and takes another cheap shot. Back to the side headlock. Bass shoves him into the corner and telegraphs a punch, so Poffo ducks and connects with another one of his own. Back to the side headlock as Gorilla notes that it’s important to have a body that carries extra weight in the WWF, because small guys won’t cut it. I hope no prosecuting attorneys are watching tonight.

-Arm wringer by Poffo as we enter our third minute of warming up, and Bass finally starts to show some fire with punches and a turnbuckle shot. He sends Poffo out to the floor and rams him into the post and then over the barricade. Back in the ring, it turns into a slugfest and Bass wins that battle. Forearm off the ropes by Bass and he chokes Poffo. Bass takes a few shots at the throat and chokes Poffo over the top rope. Kneelift off the ropes gets two, but Bass breaks the count. Elbow by Bass gets a two when Lanny kicks out this time. Series of punches by Poffo. Referee gets between them and Bass takes advantage with a clothesline for two.

-We take a break and return exactly where we left off. Abdominal stretch is applied to Gorilla’s dissatisfaction. Bass knocks him down to the mat and chokes again. Poffo begins throwing kicks and elbows to turn the tide. Kneelifts by Bass take Poffo right back down again. Neckbreaker by Bass, then another one for two. Bass chokes away and sends Poffo into the turnbuckle. Poffo attempts another comeback and flips himself on top of Bass for two. Another pinning combo gets two. Splash from the second rope gets two. Bass sends him back out to the floor. Poffo comes back in swinging and tries to finish with a moonsault, but only gets two. Bass goes to the eyes and sends Poffo into the ropes, meeting him on the rebound with an elbow for the three-count.

FUJI GENERAL
-An old favorite from the “TNT” archives. There’s no reason given for this, but…it’s Fuji General. You don’t need a reason.

-This is a soap opera starring Don Muraco & Mister Fuji. The segment starts off with Muraco & Fuji complaining about how bad the directing and the script were, so you know this is going to be an ugly several minutes. Dr. Muraco greets Dr. Fuji (wearing his derby along with his doctor costume) and Nurse Peacock. Muraco, who will not take his eyes off the cue cards, professes his love to Nurse Peacock, who wants nothing to do with him because of his wife. Muraco does the most wooden delivery of “I can’t stop myself,” and the director walks onto the set and tells him what a horrible actor he is. Muraco shrugs it off and re-starts the scene.

-Dr. Fuji sees somebody off-camera giving him his cue and he turns right around and demands to know what is going on. Dr. Fuji is even worse, not only reading the cue cards, but looking right into the camera as he delivers his lines and ultimately loses his place.

-They go in to check on a patient named Mr. Webster. Dr. Fuji tells Dr. Muraco that it’s a miracle that he’s still alive given that he’s been ignored. Dr. Fuji mutters something incomprehensible about Dr. Muraco’s wife and then fires Nurse Peacock. Dr. Muraco does more wooden delivery, and the director storms onto the set and screams, “Stop being a wrestler for a while and start acting!” Ahem.

-Dr. Muraco “demands” a kiss, and an argument erupts on the set until Muraco & Fuji storm off the set.

DANNY SPIVEY & JERRY ALLEN vs. DEMOLITION (with Johnny V)
-Another random partner for Spivey. The crowd is once again giving Demolition a huge star reaction. Smash and Allen start and Smash pounds Allen down and chokes him over the middle rope. He works Allen’s neck briefly and then counters a sunset flip with a punch. Elbow misses, however, and Smash gets caught in the face corner. Spivey wrings the arm but gets snapmared down. He gets backed into the Demolition corner and manages to hold his own, and applies the arm wringer again when Ax tags in. Faces switch off to work the arm. Ax backs Spivey into the ropes and punches. He tries to work the arm himself, but gets caught in a hammerlock from Spivey. Flying bodypress by Spivey gets two. Allen tags in and works the arm. Ax shoves him into Smash and Allen gets double-teamed. Smash sends him out to the floor, where Ax is waiting to send him into the post. We take a break…

-And come back to Ax applying a headlock on Allen. Demolition trades off to work the neck. Allen tries to mount a comeback by trading fists, but Smash stops him and Allen gets double-teamed. Ax sends him to the floor, where Johnny V and Smash go to work on him. Back in the ring, Allen counters a backdrop with a kick and makes the hot tag, and Spivey takes care of Ax & Smash. Clothesline nearly finishes Ax, but Smash makes the save. Spivey gets knocked out of the ring and he tags Allen on the way. Allen walks right into a clothesline and Ax picks up the win.

-Gene Okerlund, not having read the memo about being honest with the viewers this week, talks about how Wrestlemania III is history and brings in Blackjack Mulligan, who has words for Outlaw Ron Bass.

THE FINAL PIPER’S PIT
-Piper cuts a really moving promo about how he didn’t want to quit wrestling when he got stabbed & shot at by a crazed fan, but his daughter cried the last time he left for a match, and suddenly he didn’t want to wrestle anymore. He thanks the fans for their support, then pulls out his gun and picks off the one-armed man. Piper then looks down at the floor, where he sees that his friend BJ has spelled out “GOODBYE” in stones. Suddenly, Janitor walks out and reveals that his real name is Glen Matthews, and in a shocking twist, we discover that the Piper’s Pit set is inside a snow globe, and every segment was a figment of George “The Animal” Steele’s imagination. Saw it coming.

-Bobby “The Moment Killer” Heenan says that Piper screwed up the story. His daughter actually wanted him to go on the road more so she could play with her toys by herself for once.

-Honky Tonk Man lays down some tracks at Phillips Recording in Memphis.

SIVI AFI vs. RED DEMON
-Ah yes, the traditional “throw the jobbers a bone” segment of Prime Time. Demon goes right on the offensive until getting chopped and splashed by Afi. Dropkick sends Demon out to the floor. Back in the ring, Afi shoulderblocks Demon and slams him down. Splash is countered by raised knees. Demon unwraps his wrist tape and chokes Afi with it. Afi breaks free with an elbow but gets cut right off from his comeback attempt and Demon goes back to choking. Afi elbows free again and hits a double chop off the ropes. Crescent kick and a series of chops by Afi take down the Demon. Headbutt from the second turnbuckle gets two. Afi rams Demon into the turnbuckle. Demon reverses an Irish whip but misses a charge and gets powerslammed. Flying bodypress from the top rope gives Afi the win. Surprisingly good, considering it barely went four minutes.

JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. KING KONG BUNDY (with Bobby Heenan)
-Copy-pasted from Saturday Night’s Main Event. Snake tries an arm wringer, but Bundy swats him off. Bundy gets a little too close to Damien’s bag and backs away. Bundy attempts a clothesline, but Jake holds onto the ropes and makes him look a little foolish. Lock-up and Bundy wrings the arm. Jake gets him to let go by kicking the legs. Jake tries a test of strength and Jesse doesn’t know what the hell he’s thinking. Bundy takes him down to the mat, but Jake kicks him away. Bundy pounds him down and sends him into the turnbuckle. Front facelock by Bundy and Jake won’t die, so Bundy tries a backdrop. Jake counters it with a kneelift and a series of right hands that drops Bundy. Jake goes for Damien, but Bundy pulls him away and Heenan takes off with Damien’s bag. Jake chases him back to the locker room, and we’ll be right back.

-Jake returns with the bag, but Bobby Heenan is now MIA. Bundy assaults Jake on his way back into the ring and clotheslines him down. Shoulderblock by Bundy. Bundy tries another shoulderblock, but Jake steps aside and shoves him into the turnbuckles. Jake gets to his feet and throws more punches. Clothesline drops Bundy and Jake goes to the bag. The referee tries to stop him, but Jake kicks him for some reason and the referee calls for the DQ. The brawl continues post-match, with Jake coming out on top with the DDT. Bobby Heenan returns and miraculously drags Bundy’s carcass out of the ring before Damien could do his thing. Inexplicable finish to this one, following a rather so-so punch & kick battle.

BLACKJACK MULLIGAN & DANNY SPIVEY vs. TIGER CHUNG LEE & SALVATORE BELLOMO
-Double-duty and another new partner for Spivey. Gorilla bills this as tag team action involving Lee & Bellomo, without mentioning their opponents. That’s an interesting choice.

-Jobbers attack during the entrance and get Irish whipped into each other for their trouble. Double clothesline on Bellomo and he puts up his dukes for fisticuffsmanship. Mulligan hiptosses him and follows with an elbow. Bellomo goes face-first into Spivey’s boot and Lee tags in to do his part. Mulligan backdrops him. Lee throws chops and gets double-teamed in the corner, but a noggin-knocker takes care of that. Bellomo gets trapped in the face corner and Spivey attacks him from the apron. Mulligan tags him in and Spivey keeps control with a shoulderblock and a bodyslam. Lee tags and walks into a side headlock. Spivey releases and whiffs on a dropkick that Lee doesn’t even bother selling. Faces switch off on Lee. Spivey gets Windhamized on a leapfrog attempt and Mulligan finishes Lee off very shortly after with an elbow.

-Gene Okerlund talks to Outback Jack about his catchy theme music.

BRITISH BULLDOGS vs. DEMOLITION (with Johnny V)
-Matilda attacks Johnny V before the bell, then turns right around to the broadcast table and stares at Jimmy Hart, which is pretty neat. Demolition attacks from behind and Ax pounds down Dynamite, then puts the boots to him. Smash (who looks ‘roided right up to his eyeballs here) tags in and applies an awful-looking chinlock. Ax tags in and locks in a bearhug. They get to the ropes and Johnny V takes a cheap shot as Smash tags in. Smash applies his own bearhug. Demolition takes advantage of a moment of distraction to double-team Dynamite, and Smash locks in our third bearhug of the bout. Dynamite headbutts free and tags in Davey Boy. Dropkicks and running powerslams for everybody. Noggin knocker sends Ax out of the ring. Johnny V hooks his leg from the outside, which upsets Davey Boy, so Dynamite lobs a chair into the ring and Davey Boy clears the ring with it, getting himself disqualified. Feh.