Ring Crew Reviews: WCW Uncensored 1999

• Video package is all Hogan-Flair and some of that black and white, shadowy cage construction footage that WWE does for HIAC and Elimination Chambers. No voiceover.

• Tony, Brain, and Tenay are out hosts. Tony puts over the Hogan-Flair barbwire steel cage match and then adds, “You probably know by now by logging on to WCW.com that this will be a First Blood match.” Yes, that’s right. They added a stipulation to their main event before the PPV starts, but only had enough time to break it on their website so that it had no chance to affect the buyrate.

• WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Kidman (c). In one of those great production snafus, before this match they play the package for Nash-Mysterio just in case you wanted to hear about the match an hour from now. This is Mikey’s WCW debut although you probably know him better from ECW. Brain says he’s heard a lot about this Mikey “Shipwreck.” That could be the usual Brain joke but he then precedes to put him over, so I doubt it. Mikey’s “gear” is about the same as always: a do rag and a novelty tee.

• They trade hammerlocks and headlocks before Mikey gets a shoulderblock. Kidman with a leapfrog and avoids a tilt-whirl and lands on his feet. He runs off the ropes into… a guillotine? Mikey must have missed the call and they immediately go to another whip reversal and Mikey with a headscissors to boos as Mikey gets the early advantage. Mikey with a couple of elbows and tries a hiptoss but it’s blocked. He blocks Kidman’s attempt and tries a clotheline but Kidman ducks under and dropkicks him to the floor. Good stuff early. To the floor and Kidman sends him into the guardrail. Back in, Kidman with a crossbody off the top for a close 2. Mikey ducks a clothesline and takes Kidman over with a Cactus knee. Mikey now sends him into the guardrail. He tries again but Kidman sends him into the apron. Kidman tries a leapfrog but Mikey catches him and wheelbarrow flapjacks him INTO THE GUARDRAIL! BRUTAL! Back in, cover gets 2. Mikey rolls him over and goes to the Indian Deathlock and then rotates him into an INVERTED MUTA LOCK! Nice hold but it kills a bit of their momentum. Mikey releases and poses to boos. Mikey with a slingshot guillotine legdrop to the apron. Mikey goes to the chops as Brain has decided to run with the joke and continues to get his name wrong intentionally. Kidman reverses a whip and clotheslines him down to a sizeable pop. Kidman stomps a mudhole and is feeling it. Kidman tries his backflip off a blocked hiptoss like earlier but Mikey counters to a powerbomb for 2. Tenay: “Mikey Whipwreck has been studying some tapes. Took that right out of the playbook of Kidman.” Mikey drops a leg and goes to a lying reverse headlock. Now, we switch to a regular chinlock. Kidman elbows out and clotheslines Mikey over the top. Kidman walks up the ropes and then planchas Mikey halfway up the ramp. Impressive. Mikey springboards back in with an elbow drop for 2. Mikey tries a slingshot suplex but Kidman counters to a floatover DDT. Kidman wants the SSP but Mikey crotches him and Kidman eats it to the floor. Mikey now heads up top and tries a plancha but Kidman moves and Mikey EATS GUARDRAIL! Mikey seems to legit hurt his jaw on the guardrail. Kidman with a head of steam but he gets backdropped into the crowd. These two are crazy. Lot of wall to wall action in here. Mikey feeling upstaged by Kidman’s reckless abandon decides to charge and tries a FUCKING SLINGSHOT SENTON OVER THE GUARDRAIL BUT KIDMAN MOVES! BRUTAL! Kidman now sends him into the guardrail. Kidman with a head of steam but gets drop toe held into the stairs! I can’t even tell if the ref is counting but I’m not sure I even care. Back in, Mikey counts for 2. Mikey with a Russian legsweep for 2. Kidman comes back with a clothesline in the corner and tries another but eats turnbuckle. Mikey covers for 2. A few fans start laying into Mikey with a “Pussy” chant. Kidman schoolboys him for 2 but eats a clothesline for his trouble. Mikey with a snap suplex for 2. Mikey runs into a boot in the corner and a Low Down bomb for 2. Mikey with a swinging neckbreaker and heads up top but Kidman cuts him off. Mikey slams him back down and hits a clothesline off the top for 2. Kidman flips out of a back suplex and hits a sitout Pedigree for 2. Mikey now puts Kidman up top and gives Kidman a BACKDROP DRIVER OFF THE TOP! Mikey with a Curtain Call for 2. Kidman counters a powerbomb with the facebuster. He hits the Seven Year Itch to win it at 15:03.

• I hate to say it because it seems to reinforce so much of what people said and thought about ECW and about the cruiserweights but so much of that was just moves. I appreciate that Mikey wanted to throw it out all there in his WCW debut to get over big but you can’t just bust out a Muta Lock for no reason, no build, and no follow up. At least in Strong Style, ignoring what your opponent did and hitting the next move makes sense, but here it just comes off as attention-deficit wrestling. I still enjoyed this especially with that hardcore foray into the crowd, but with a cohesive story and structure this would be significantly higher. ***

• Next, we get a replay of the foreboding cage footage from the opening. Lots of backlit guys welding with sparks flying.

• Harlem Street Fight: Vincent vs. Stevie Ray. According to Tony, this is for control of the n.W.o Black and White. This feud was probably inspired by the Adventures of the n.W.o B-Team and Vincent’s constant poking and prodding that Stevie is really from Houston. Tenay, ever the journalist, notes the stipulation but wants to know if Flash Norton, Bryan Adams, and Horace Hogan are going to go along with letting whoever wins be the leader. None of them know and Tony calls it an n.W.o problem and says they are just there to call the match. Vincent is wrestling in jeans and a n.W.o t-shirt.

• Stevie shoves him down to start but Vincent pokes him in the eye and stomps the foot. Stevie comes back with a pump kick and a choke toss and poses to nothing. Stevie with a head of steam but Vincent lowers the bridge and Stevie tumbles to the floor. Vincent sends him into the guardrail and RAKES THE BACK! Stevie counters a whip and sends him into the guardrail. Stevie throat thrusts him into the crowd. Stevie with a HARLEM HAMMER! They brawl through the crowd as Virgil tumbles into some empty seats in front of the camera view. Stevie hits several right hands an struggles to keep his balance on the chairs. Stevie with a HARLEM SIDE KICK! Stevie: “I’M THE LEADER OF THE N.W.O!” Stevie with more rights as they are both blown up. Vincent struggles back to ringside but manages to backdrop Stevie to ringside. Vincent with some MILLION DOLLAR HAMMERS! Well, he was a butler as a second. Better make that THOUSAND DOLLAR HAMMERS! Vincent goes to the choke as Tony discusses the brutality of this street fight and how fragile their egos are. Vincent with a second rope fistdrop for 2. Vincent tries another but Stevie gets up the boot to crickets. Stevie now goes to a flurry of rights in the corner and a clothesline as Tony now runs down the rest of the card. Vincent gets up the boot in the corner but Stevie drops him into the turnbuckle with an atomic drop. Vincent blows the spot where he’s supposed to bump into him, Stevie bumps anyway and Vincent turns around and tries the low blow/crotch spot but Stevie has forgotten about that and the whole thing SUCKS and the crowd turns on them out of apathy! BUT WAIT! HORACE HOGAN HAS COME OUT! Horace slides in the SLAPJACK. Horace: “I don’t care who knocks out who, I’m the leader!” Vincent gets the slapjack but Stevie low blows him and hits the Pedigree to take it at 6:31.. That was actually not horrible until the buffoonery of the blown low blow spot in the corner but both are heels and no one cares including the rest of the stable. DUD

• Kevin Nash vs. Rey Mysterio. Nash has Luger and Miss Elizabeth with him. Nash on the stick. He says nothing of consequence so Rey, sans mask, comes out. This was set up by Rey getting on a winning streak including a fluke over Nash which netted him the “giant killer” monkier. The build up included Nash offering Rey a spot in the n.W.o only to turn on him.

• Nash poses for the Wolfpac fans and big boots Rey down to start. Nash throws him across the ring and tries again but Rey counters to a wheelbarrow bulldog TO A POP! Rey to the apron and flies in with a springboard guillotine legdrop. Rey then dropkicks him to the floor and Nash takes a breather! Crowd is feeling it. Rey with a baseball slide dropkick and tries another but Nash avoids and throws him into the guardrail. Nash gives him Snake Eyes on the apron. With those two moves, Rey is toast. Back in, Nash goes to the hip checks and the Director’s Cut elbow on the top rope that sends Rey tumbling to the floor. Nash now chokes him on the floor. Back in, Nash choke tosses him into an inverted atomic drop. Rey flips out of a side slam and gives Nash a BLATANTLOWBLOW! Right in front of the ref, but he doesn’t care. Rey with a dropkick for 2. Nash rolls to the corner so Rey can hit the Bronco Buster. Rey heads up top and tries a moonsault that he won with last time but Nash catches him. Rey slides out but Luger trips him up from behind as Nash distracts the ref. Nash with a big boot as the crowd mostly boos due to Luger’s interference. Nash never content with being heel has to posture and preen for cheers before Jackknifing Rey to win it at 6:20. Very entertaining short match where Nash even needed interference to go over. Rey’s a magician for the most part when his matches aren’t dragged down by redundancy like this one wasn’t. Good stuff. **3/4

• Next, we get promos from Raven, Sandman, and Bigelow hyping their upcoming hardcore 3-way. No mention from Chyna bout hers.

• 2-on-1 Handicap Match: Jerry Flynn vs. The Cat & Sonny Onoo. JERRY FUCKIN’ FLYNN ON PPV! AND HE’S NOT JOBBING TO GOLDBERG! Cat and Onoo cut off Jerry Flynn’s ponytail on Thunder apparently. Flynn with some kicks on Cat to start. Flynn sends him off and roundhouse chops him down. Flynn wants Onoo but that allows Cat to take him down from behind with a couple of kicks. Cat tries to tag in Onoo but he refuses and eats a belly to belly from Jerry Flynn. Cat begs off and offers a shake. Cat tries a cheapshot but Flynn blocks and tries a combo but Cat blocks. Cat: “I’M THE GREATEST!” Lynn SWEEPS THE LEG! PUT ‘IM IN A BODYBAG! Flynn goes to the GnP and Cat takes a breather as Tenay and Tony talk up Jerry “Lightning Foot” Flynn’s career prospects. Who knew the guy even had a nickname? Tony: “Promoters are looking at Lightning Foot here maybe to move in the top 5 rankings within the next year.” Tenay: “He has opened up some eyes of the WCW Executive Committee.” I can’t believe they can even say that stuff with a straight face. I mean, it’s not bad commentary – in fact, it’s quite believable on a certain level of kayfabe. But if you weren’t a complete and total mark, you’d realize both guys were shoveling it pretty hard. Flynn follows out with a plancha on Cat but Onoo avoids and kicks him in the back. Cat with a superkick on the floor and Onoo boots him a couple times as well. Back in, Cat with a front kick to mild boos but mostly indifference. Cat shitcans Flynn and distracts the ref with tales of his three Karate championships. I wonder who’s martial arts career was more lucrative: Ernest Miller, Eric Bischoff, or Frank Dux. Onoo boots him on the floor behind the ref’s back. Flynn slides in but Cat kicks him down and chokes. Cat with another superkick and taunts to more boos. Cat says it’s over and he sends Flynn into the turnbuckle and hits the roundhouse pump kick. Cat thinks he’s got it won and tags in Onoo. Onoo is reluctant and wants to make sure he’s out. Onoo covers for a 2 count as Flynn comes to life. Onoo escapes to the corner and tags in Cat for ANOTHER KICK. Can we end this shit already? They could have just bumped Onoo into Cat to knock him off the apron and then Flynn could waffled Onoo for the pin. INSTEAD, Cat with more nothing and shitcans Flynn to send him into the guardrail. Cat tries a chairshot but the ref steals the chair. Flynn chases Onoo around the ring but runs into…. wait for it…. A KICK FROM CAT! Onoo climbs the turnbuckle and that corner of the arena is ready to riot to get this crap out of their ring. Flynn no sells and clotheslines Cat down to nothing. Back in, Cat gouges the eye but Flynn comes back with a school boy for 2. Cat gouges the eye again as we’ve hit the second part of his moveset. Now, they steal my idea from earlier and Lynn reverses a whip sending Cat into Onoo. The ref calls that a tag and now Onoo is in the ring. Flynn with a quick lateral press for the 1, 2, 3—Wait a minute. Cat breaks up the cover but the ref counts three anyway and the bell immediately rings at 7:05. Are you serious? A pseudo Dusty finish where the face doesn’t even get the obligatory PUNISHMENT ON THE HEEL! The whole point of these charades with heel managers and valets is that eventually they have to PAY for their heat. I’m not sure if I’m angrier at the pointlessness of that match or at that shitty, dissatisfying nonfinish. DUD

• Meanwhile, Benoit and Malenko cut a promo on Hennig and Windham. Tony adds that they’ll be a lot of “smacking going on.”

• Falls Count Anywhere, Triple Threat, Raven’s Rules Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hak vs. Raven. Bam Bam and Raven jump Sandman to start. They send him into the corner and 3B hits a clothesline. Raven looks to follow but turns on Bigelow so 3B takes him down with a back suplex. 3B clotheslines Sandman down. Raven and 3B slug it out as Chastity, Raven’s sister, rolls out New Jack’s cart of weapons that Mikey apparently brought with him when he signed to WCW as compensation for owed backpay from Heyman. Raven slides to the floor and starts throws in weapons. Sandman waffles 3B with a trashcan. Raven steals it and now waffles Sandman. Raven with a couple of double trashcan lid shots but 3B no sells and throws the trashcan at him. 3B breaks a canoe oar over Sandman’s back and Sandman sells it like he’s on fire. 3B throws a gas can at Raven and he no sells and waffles both with a mail box. Raven drop toe holds Sandman into a garbage can. 3B and Raven now have a standoff with trashcans. Sandman blasts Raven from behind with an ironing board but he no sells. Sandman does it again and this time Raven sells. Sandman props it up in the corner but eats a cookie sheet shot from 3B. 3B with a trashcan lid shot but Raven low blows him. Tony: “Sometimes, there’s nothing to say and you just gotta listen to the WACKS.” Raven whips Sandman into the ironing board and drop toe holds 3B into a trashcan again. Sandman and 3B slug it out. Bigelow wins that one and Sandman goes down like a sack of shit and eats a trashcan shot. Raven now waffles both with the ironing board. Raven stacks up a few trashcans in the corner but gets sent into it by Bigelow. Sandman hits Bigelow with a fan and goes to the BLATANTCHOKE but Raven cuts off both with a paint can and jams a broken broom for a low blow. Raven now pretends to put the broom back into his sheath like a sword and poses to cheers. The cheers are certainly more for that ad lib with the broom and Raven being Raven than anything in this match. Raven with knees to both. Bigelow comes back with a facesmash on Raven and Sandman adds a trashcan lid shot. 3B with a couple more cookie sheet shots but Sandman GOES TO A SLEEPER! Bigelow drives him into the corner and now they repeat the spot with Raven. Sandman and Raven both look to go for a sleeper on 3B but Bigelow’s knee buckles and they fall down in a heap. Sandman with a TOP ROPE FRANKENSTEINER! Sandman slides in a table as a veiled ECW chant gets going. 3B sets up the table and puts Sandman on it. Raven now hoists Sandman up on Bigelow’s shoulders for the avalanche powerbomb through the table, but the damn thing doesn’t break. Bigelow decides to splash through it to make sure it breaks and the crowd gives them a bit of a courtesy pop. Raven covers Sandman but Bigelow breaks it up. 3B with a Ho Train as Sandman the one who was put through the table recovers and now dumps the broken table over the top rope. 3B with another Ho Train but Sandman chop blocks him with a Kendo stick. Chastity tries to protect Raven but Raven wants more so Sandman waffles him. Chastity gets some electrical tape as Bigelow slides in another table and a fire extinguisher. Bigelow slides in a THIRD TABLE as Tony says what might be the line of his career: “There must have been a buffet here before the wrestling match.” Sandman and Raven team up to throw 3B through a table as Sandman is blown up like he’s Steiner in the 3rd minute against Triple H. Raven Evenflows Sandman, but rather than cover, he handcuffs Sandman with some electrical tape. In a spot stolen from the Rock/Mankind I Quit match, Raven now gets a chair and just LAYS into Sandman with FOUR straight unprotected chairshots. That kind of disregard for your own well-being is almost offensive in a nothing match like this, but I digress. Bigelow blindsides Raven with the Greetings from Asbury Park. Of course, Bigelow doesn’t cover as the match drags on and on past it’s expiration date. 3B sets up another table as he blows some of the C02 from the fire extinguisher on Chastity. She tumbles into the bin and comes out with another extinguisher and waffles Bigelow who falls through the table. No one goes for a pin as THE MUST MUST GO ON! Raven shoves Sandman down. BUT WAIT! CHASTITY BLASTS RAVEN WITH THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! HEEL TURN! She then low blows him and Sandman covers for the win at 14:30.

• I don’t even know where to begin with this. It’s just weapon shot, weapon shot, weapon shot, cut off, weapon shot, low blow, table spot, weapon shot, interference, table spot, weapon shot, low blow, pin. The entire thing stayed in the ring despite being falls count anywhere. Plus, Sandman looked so out of it for almost the entire match. I think I saw on some Botchamania with a clip of a Sandman shoot that covered this match that Sandman got messed up by the oar shot or something else. *3/4

• We take it back out to the crew to hype up the rest of the show. Brain and Tony get into a tiff over Brain rotating his chair to the crowd. Heenan looks legit pissed and turns completely around from the camera. Tony tries to make amends by shoving and scolding him: “You get paid to be an announcer not pout, OK.” Brain: “I am announcing. I don’t get paid to be talked to like that. I can sit whichever way I want.” The nearby crowd interrupts their fight as they chant for Heenan.

• Lumberjack Match for the WCW Tag Team Championships: Chris Benoit & Dean Malenko vs. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham (c) . The lumberjacks all have leather belts to whip teams should they roll to the roll. The lumberjacks include Hugh Morrus, Meng, Norman Smiley, Chris Adams and others. Another notable one is Kendall Windham since he is blood related to one of the tag champs. Benoit and Malenko are in the Four Horseman. Curt and Barry have yet to form the West Texas Rednecks. This was set up because Windham used his belt to choke out Dean in the finals of the tag tournament to win the belts.

• At the bell, Tenay notes that Perfect was winking at Kendall Windham so he suspects the fix is in. Benoit and Curt to start. BUT WAIT! ARN ANDERSON HAS COME OUT! Arn has a pow wow with Chris Adams and decides to replace him as a lumberjack. Perfect and Windham are pissed as Arn starts whipping the apron. The heels try to take a walk but get whipped and sent back in by the lumberjacks. We finally get a lockup that goes nowhere. Perfect smacks rather than give a clean break. Benoit smacks back and knocks him down. Perfect takes a breather and gets whipped some more with the belts and he sells them great. He hurries back in the ring and argues with the lumberjacks only to eat a back elbow from Benoit. Back to the floor, MORE WHIPPING! Curt slides in and tags in Windham. Brain: “See, when I was involved in a match like this, I paid off two guys to keep the other guys away from me. That worked… for a while. Until they double crossed me. But then I didn’t really pay them. That’s the last time I’m going to have my brothers do anything to help me.” Ladies and gentleman, BOBBY HEENAN! Windham in as Benoit lays the chops to him and the crowd lets him hear it. He tries powdering out by eats more belt shots. Back in, Benoit with a backdrop and sends him into the turnbuckle. More chops from Benoit. Malenko in with a leg lariat and goes to the GnP and Windham looks a good foot taller than him. Malenko and Perfect start exchanging shots near the heel corner but luckily Malenko stays on the offensive. Malenko mounts in the corner with a few punches. Barry tries an inverted atomic drop but Malenko avoids and punches him back down. Benoit in with more chops. He gets a head of steam but runs into a boot and a DDT from Windham. Perfect in and boots Benoit around. Perfect now goes to work on the leg and tosses Benoit to the floor to get worked over by the lumberjacks. Benoit and Perfect chop it out but Windham helps Curt win that one with some doubleteaming. Perfect shticans him again for more whipping. Back in, Perfect goes to a chinlock. Benoit counters with a back suplex. Perfect tags in Windham who slugs Benoit down. Barry runs through him with a LARAITO for 2. Barry with a dropkick for 2. They slug it out and Benoit comes back with rights and a lefty clothesline. Perfect tags in and throws Benoit around but eats a German suplex. Benoit makes the tag to Malenko and he’s got right hands for both heels and sends Perfect into the turnbuckle. Malenko runs into a boot from Perfect who wants the PerfectPlex. Benoit in to brawl with Windham. Malenko counters perfect with some knees and hits his own Fisherman Suplex. The ref has been counting really fast the whole match and counts too fast for poor Barry who isn’t in time to break up the cover so Perfect kicks out at 2. Malenko hooks in the Texas Cloverleaf but Windham tosses Benoit to the floor for more punishment. The ref restores order as now we’re back to Perfect and Windham. Perfect tries to whip Malenko into the corner for the cheap shitcan but Malenko smartly puts the brakes on. Perfect improvises and tosses him anyway. The lumberjacks start beating down Malenko and slide him back in. Windham with a bodyslam and knocks down Malenko with an uppercut. Windham sends him into Perfect’s boot as the crowd gets behind Malenko. Windham with a hanging vertical suplex for 2. Perfect in and goes to a sleeper. Heenan does a good job putting over the psychology of the hold. Arn encourages Dean from ringside to make the ropes as Perfect tells him to can it. Just very simple good stuff right there. Perfect decides to switch to chops in the corner. Perfect distracts the ref so Windham can shitcan Malenko to get worked over by the lumberjacks. Back in, Windham takes down Malenko with a clothesline for 2. Windham mounts in the corner for punches and looks to get pissed at the fans for counting along. Malenko tries an up and over but Windham catches him. Windham tries a back suplex but Malenko counters with right hands on the way down even though Windham hits the suplex. Hot tag to Benoit and Perfect is in as well. Benoit has chops and gives the heels the nogginknocker. Malenko with a back suplex on Perfect. Windham and Benoit brawl to the floor and now the whole thing has erupted into the brawl with the lumberjacks. A lumberjack slips Perfect a belt and he waffles Arn with it. Arn no sells and slides back in with the TIRE IRON and lays out Hennig from behind! Malenko pulls Windham to the floor to work him over with a belt. Benoit with the diving headbutt on Perfect and new tag champs at 16:00.

• I was digging everything here. Good solid work from all four. Even the lean toward overbooking with lumberjacks and Arn and Kendall Windham getting involved made sense. Hard not to mark out for Arn busting out the tire iron for old time’s sake as well. ***1/4

• Dog Collar Match: Chris Jericho vs. Saturn. This is when Saturn was wrestling in a dress for most of the year. Jericho has Ralphus with him. Saturn is wearing a bondage getup with lots of leather and chains and still has a dress. Saturn has colored contacts in as well. Crowd REALLY tears into Jericho at the beginning. Jericho gets the stick and says that Ralphus should put on the dog collar instead. Ralphus is all, “I don’t think so, Tim.” Ralphus takes a walk but not before giving Jericho his mouthpiece. Lots of stalling from Jericho to demand some room and for Saturn to back up. Jericho tries a sneak attack before getting the collar on so Saturn suplexes him a couple of times and then puts the collar on for him. Jericho takes a breather and says he’s taking a walk but Saturn pulls him back in by the chain. Jericho tries hiding behind the ref. Finally, Saturn pulls him in by the chain and clotheslines him down. They tug of war with the chain but Saturn avoids a shot and throws Jericho into the turnbuckle. Saturn does it again as the crowd is dead as a doornail. Saturn with a double ax handle and now goes to a choke with the chain to crickets. Saturn decides to clothesline him down instead and hit a legdrop. Saturn now punches him with the chain and crotches Jericho on the top rope. Saturn rolls to the floor and pulls Jericho off the top and to the guardrail using the chain. That was pretty stiff. Saturn now whips him into the guardrail and the crowd perks up. Back in, Saturn chokes some more but finally Jericho baseball slides through and low blows him with the chain to get the advantage. Jericho now clotheslines him to the floor and uses the slack of the chain through the ropes to choke Saturn. Jericho with a springboard burrito to nothing. They get to the apron and Jericho preps a powerbomb but Saturn instead counters to a rana back in the ring. Neither sells so Jericho goes back to the BLATANTCHOKE! Saturn counters with a small package for 2. Jericho waffles him with the chain and the C’MONBABY for 2. Jericho heads up top but Saturn pulls him down with the chain and hits a superkick. Saturn whips him across the ring with the chain a couple of times. Saturn mounts in the corner with the 10 punches. Jericho with a double leg to come back and wants the Liontamer. Saturn blocks by wrapping the chain to choke him. Jericho rolls him over into the Liontamer but the chain is choking him simultaneously. That’s a sweet submission with some psychology both ways. Jerich collapses from the chain choking him. Saturn hits him with the DVD but Jericho kicks out at 2. Saturn tries a Frankensteiner off the top but Jericho counters to a powerbomb instead. That move didn’t have the impact with the crowd they were expecting. Jericho says the hell with it and pulls the chain off Saturn and wraps it around his torso. Jericho goes up for the moonsault but Saturn tries to slide out of the way. Not exactly though as Jericho still grazed him because Saturn didn’t get under. Jericho covers for 2. Jericho slams him down and heads up top to cover the botch and tries a splash but Saturn again moves out of the way. Another DVD for Saturn wins it at 11:51. I don’t blame these guys. It’s just as a norm: outside of a few notable exceptions (Piper/Valentine, Sting/Vader, maybe Rock/Triple H) matches with two guys tied together don’t normally deliver. Besides, I’m sure the chain hurts like hell when you hit someone with it but you need blood for it to work for the audience – if not, it makes it hard to have a real match because you’re, ya know, TIED TO ANOTHER FUCKING GUY. Other than that Liontamer/chain choker false finish, this has nothing. Jericho would be gone to the fed in less than 6 months. *1/2

• WCW Television Championship: Booker T vs. Scott Steiner (c). Scotty has Buff with him. For whatever reasons, Steiner throws the TV title against the apron. Lots of stalling to start from Steiner. Lockup takes them into the corner for a surprisingly clean break. Book throws him down with an armdrag and Steiner complains to the ref about hairpulling. Book grabs a headlock and chains to the hammerlocks. Steiner comes back with CLUBBINGBLOWS and a shoulderblock and another. Booker with a leap frog and takes him down with a Bluechipper dropkick. Booker with a combo and tries a spinkick but Steiner puts the brakes on and takes a breather to regroup. He and Buff talks strategy. Buff demands that the ref check Book’s gloves and that allows Steiner to boots him down and send him into the turnbuckle. Steiner tries a charge but Book gets the boot up and goes to the GnP. They trade suplex counters but Booker takes him down with a superkick and an inverted atomic drop. Book clotheslines him down for 2. Steiner again bails and cuts Booker off at the pass and goes back to the boots. Book gets him up with another atomic drop and another clothesline. Booker heads up top and crossbodys Scott off the top. He covers for 1, 2,–Buff breaks up the cover to boos. Book sends Buff into the guardrail but eats a GENETIC FREAK HAMMER OFF THE APRON! Steiner weaks sends him into the stairs and the guardrail and throws him into the crowd. Buff with a chairshot and the ref doesn’t care. Buff throws a water bottle at Booker. Back in, Steiner hits a SteinerLine and kisses the elbow but doesn’t cover. Steiner instead chokes him on the ropes. Buff now helps choke behind the ref’s back and gives him a few right hands as Steiner distracts the ref. Buff helps him in the ring and Steiner press slams Booker and then drops him. Steiner poses to a mixed reaction. Steiner with an arrogant cover with his knee for 1. Steiner with a belly to belly suplex now for 2. He argues with the ref and goes to a chinlock. Booker elbows out and comes back with rights and another superkick. Booker goes for the sidekick but Steiner ducks and Book crotches himself. Buff now chokes Booker with a camera cable on the floor. Back in, Steiner with another belly to belly suplex and plays to the crowd some more. Booker comes back with a burrito. Booker with a few kicks and a roundhouse that takes down Steiner. Booker with the Ax Kick and now Steiner begs off. Booker with a flapjack and it’s SPINAROONIE TIME! Booker tries the sidekick again but Steiner ducks and Book almost takes out the ref. He tries it again and take down Steiner. He heads up top for the missile dropkick but Steiner distracts the ref and Buff crotches him. Steiner with a superplex and calls for Buff to bring in a chair. Buff goes for a chairshot but Booker ducks and Steiner eats it instead. Booker kicks the chair back into Buff to take him out and covers for the 3 to be crowned new champ at 13:45. Not bad, just pretty long for what they were going for. It’s amazing how much more mobile both guys were in the late 90s and even scarier considering how much MORE athletic Steiner use to be before than when he gave a shit and wasn’t a “genetic freak.” Buff, as always, is pretty awesome as the asshole ringside heat magnet. **1/2

• Next, MORE GRAPHIC, EXPLICIT, X-RATED CAGE FOOTAGE!

• First Blood, Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship and Permanent Control of WCW: Ric Flair vs. Hollywood Hogan (c). Flair is pretty business like for him tonight. Lttle fanfare and only one WOO. He cuts off Buffer and demands the mic. Flair gets on the stick and says because he’s the President of WCW, he wants the match to end at Charles Robinson’s discretion since he’s the ref. No puny scratches or paltry blade jobs. THE REAL DEAL! Flair is face and Hogan is heel.

• Tony speculates if Charles Robinson can call it right down the line because he was such a fan of Flair growing up. Hogan overpowers Flair a couple of times to start. Hogan grabs a headlock and then plows over Flair with a shoulderblock. They go to the test of strength and Flair pokes the eyes instead and chops Hogan in the corner. Hogan comes back with a backdrop and some shitty HoganLines. Flair tries begging off and Hogan pulls him back to the middle and slams him down for some elbows. Hogan goes to the BLATANTCHOKE! Flair comes back with a boot to the breadbasket and more chops. Hogan no sells and tries his chops. Flair back with chops so Hogan punches him down. Hogan with more BLATANTCHOKING and a clothesline in the corner. Flair Flop and Hogan poses with the ear cup to a sizable pop because he’s HULK…errr.. HOLLYWOOD HOGAN! Hogan now puts on the Figure Four because what would a Hogan-Flair match be without Hogan looking better no matter what the outcome. Flair gets the ropes and comes back with right hands. Flair tries a cage shot but Hogan reverses and sends him into it instead. Hogan mounts for the 10 punches in the corner. He hits 7 and decides to bite Flair instead. Hogan sends him into the cage again and now Flair tries to climb out but of course there is barbwire at the top. They do the moon spot with Hogan pulling down the back of Flair’s trunks trying to pull him back in. Hogan up and now they slug it out on the top rope and Flair loses that and gets crotched on the top rope. Flair has a cut going above his right eye but of course it’s not enough to stop the match. Hogan pulls some of the barbwire off the top and grinds it into Flair’s cut. This isn’t like a drop of blood either. I mean, Flair has a good portion of the right side of his face covered in blood IN A FIRST BLOOD MATCH! Hogan rakes the back and removes the weightbelt to whip Flair some. Hogan sends Flair into the cage again as the fans chant for Hogan. Hogan rams him into the cage 10 times as even Tony and Tenay are wondering why the match hasn’t been stopped. Hogan with the big boot and the leg drop. He covers IN A FIRST BLOOD MATCH! This is going to be a recurrent theme so we’ll just shorten that grievance to NAFBM. Hogan argues with the ref, not for letting the blood go, but for not counting… NAFBM. Hogan threatens to waffle the ref but relents. Flair pulled some loaded knucks in the meantime and now blasts Hogan. Flair sends him into the cage and now Hogan blades. BUT WAIT! DAVID FLAIR AND TORRIE WILSON HAVE COME OUT! Keep in mind, there’s no door on the cage and David Flair is in the n.W.o. Flair spits on his son through the cage and then sends Hogan into the cage again. Flair asks Torrie if she wants to ride Space Mountain. Flair drops an elbow and COVERS FOR 2?!? NAFBM! Hogan Hollywoods up and no sells some chops. Hogan with a big boot and another ATOMIC LEG DROP OF DOOM! He demands another count (NAFBM). Charles Robinson reluctantly agrees but only gets to 1 due to the delayed count. Hogan shoves the ref. Flair comes back with a hanging vertical suplex and Hogan Hulks up again. WE JUST DID THIS ROUTINE, ASSHOLES! Flair begs off and Hogan sends him into the cage a few more times. Charles Robinson argues with Hogan as Flair slides out, and you guess it, bumps the ref. Hogan checks on the ref but Flair low blows him. ARN ANDERSON HAS COME OUT! He waffles David Flair from behind to a pop even though he hadn’t done anything other than stand there. Torrie Wilson tries to attack Arn but he no sells. Arn slips Flair the tire iron. He waffles Hogan with it. Flair puts on the Figure Four and Charles Robinson with a fast count calls the victory for Flair NAFBM at 14:19.