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Dark Pegasus Video Review: Armageddon 2003
August 12, 2008 | Posted by
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| Armageddon 2003 by J.D. Dunn BATTLE OF THE DREADLOCKS! ::shudder:: Henry eliminated Booker at The Survivor Series and then defeated him in a Salt Lake City Street Fight on Raw. Chocolate Predator overpowers Booker and tosses him over the top. He throws him into the steps. Lawler warns us not to underestimate Henry’s brains just because he has brawn. Well, he did rook Vince McMahon in their 1995 negotiations. Booker comes back with a pescado, but Henry catches him and bends him with a lazy surfboard. I gotta think either Henry is extremely lazy or really is so powerful that he thinks he’s going to hurt people because some of his stuff is way too loose – like, say, a bearhug, which is his next submission move. Booker fights out of it and hits a Bicycle Kick to Henry’s face. SCISSORS KICK! It only gets two. Henry comes back with the World’s Strongest Clothesline and gets the World’s Strongest Wedgie. ::shudder:: Booker avoids a charge and hits another Scissors Kick for the win at 9:21. Really could have finished with the first Scissors Kick. Not much of a match, and Jim Ross comparing Booker’s perseverance to the troops in Iraq is a bit insulting. I realize they want to associate themselves with anything and everything patriotic, but facing IEDs, sweltering heat, and a country where you can’t tell who wants to hug you and who wants to kill you takes a little more perseverance than being lightly tapped by a Mark Henry clothesline. * Mick is your special referee. They take it to the mat early, but Van Dam dropkicks Randall in the gut and gets two off a flying crossbody. Randy lands on the apron, so Van Dam knocks him off with a high kick. Randy tries to regroup, so Van Dam hits a somersault plancha. Back in, Van Dam goes up, but Randy shoves him to the barricade. Randy hits a standing dropkick (always awesome) on the floor. Randy chokes Van Dam on the ropes and refuses to break, so Mick pulls him off rather than disqualify him. Gorilla Monsoon would not approve. Flair also does not approve, but Foley chases him off and tells him not to interfere. Orton’s offense is “methodical.” Van Dam comes back with the split-legged moonsault, but Orton hits his body vise neckbreaker to stay on top. Van Dam comes back with the spinning kick and corner pummel. A Northern Lights Suplex gets two. That sets up the spinning legdrop against the barricade. Back in, Orton catches Van Dam coming in and gives him the rope-assisted DDT. RVD tries to break it up by grabbing the ropes, but he can’t reach them. Foley stops the count anyway. Rob gets two off a bodyscissors (plainly called beforehand) and hits Rolling Thunder. Flair gets in RVD’s face and gets knocked off the apron. Randy is able to roll him up for two but eats a faceful of Van Dam’s boot. Rob goes up, but Flair hops up on the apron and tries to interfere. Foley shoves him off, but the distraction allows Orton to dropkick RVD off the top and finish him with the RKO at 17:58. Pretty boring for the first half, but the last eight minutes or so picked up nicely. Orton is ecstatic with the title win, and this was a no-brainer in retrospect. **1/2 Jim Ross compares Eric Bischoff to Saddam Hussein because they’re both power-dictators. Biggest difference: Bischoff has classier rape rooms. Jericho tries to apologize, but Trish slaps him around. He catches her in a crossbody, spanks her, and then tells her to calm down. Bing Crosby used to do the same thing to his kids. Trish hits a headscissors and a dropkick, but Lita tags in. Christian tags in too and talks trash to her. Lita forces him to chase her and then stomps him on his way back into the ring. She hits a monkey flip so sad that it forces Charles Darwin to come back from the dead and postulate that monkeys might be a more advanced form of life than humans. She hits a headscissors, but Jericho hits her from the outside to give the men the advantage. Lita gets a surprise rollup on Jericho, but Christian yanks her top off and taunts her with it. She kicks him in the balls and tags in Trish. Trish Chick Kicks Christian and goes for Stratusfaction. Christian blocks, but Trish suckers him into a missed charge. Jericho goes up but gets crotched. Christian returns and tries to clothesline Trish, but she does the Matrix duck, and Christian knocks Jericho off the apron. Christian clotheslines Trish for two but pulls her up. Lita hits Christian with the flying headscissors, but Jericho pulls her to the outside. Jericho helps Trish up and apologizes. Christian sneaks in and rolls her up for the win at 6:36. Jericho looks torn, but Christian is ecstatic. This was actually pretty good. Christian and Chris Jericho selling for the ladies looked silly at times, but it made for a better match. Trish and Jericho would make up and become a couple before Trish turned heel (and superhot) and ran off with Christian. **1/2 This probably seems more interesting now that Batista has turned into a good all-around performer rather than a “jacked-up nimrod” (Shawn’s words). In fact, this is only Batista’s third PPV appearance despite the fact he made his PPV wrestling debut a year earlier at this event. Shawn jabs a lot early, but that just pisses Batista off. Shawn uses his speed to avoid him and ducks to the floor where he lays out an interfering Ric Flair. Batista catches up with Shawn, and the match bogs down with his plodding offense. He does a lot of the same stuff he does today only not as crisply and not with as much purpose. It’s the difference between saying, “Okay, I’ll do this which will lead to that which will set up that…” and saying, “I need to do *something* here, so I’ll do this.” Shawn comes back with a moonsault block for two. Batista waits for him to kip up and nails him with a clothesline. More clubbery. Shawn hits a flying forearm and kips up, but Batista grabs him for the double chokelift. Shawn fights out and hits the Picture-Perfect Elbow. Shawn calls for Sweet Chin Music, but Batista catches him and delivers the spinebuster. Batista calls for the Demonbomb, but Shawn slips out of it and hits the superkick for the win at 12:21. Both guys’ shoulders were down, but the ref ignored it. The match was okay for the time and might be worth checking out just to compare how Batista has matured. Of course, these three would figure heavily in one of the best angles of 2008. **1/2 This was added on Heat. Batista is still in the ring, throwing a fit because he lost. Matt tosses Maven into the lions, and Batista gives Maven a few Demonbombs. Matt wins by forfeit, but he splashes Maven anyway and counts his own pin. [N/R] Rosey clotheslines Conway early. Hurricane tries a springboard somersault plancha but lands on his ass on the apron. Daffy Duck: Yoiks and… a-way! Hurricane plays face-in-peril as Lawler and Ross start in on France because they didn’t help catch Saddam Hussein (which happened earlier in the day). Rosey gets the hot tag and cleans house. Hurricane comes off his shoulders with a splash to eliminate those no good French sympathizers at 3:27. 1/2* Caderak runs in from behind and roll Hurricane up at 3:35. 1/4* I wasn’t even sure if these guys made it to PPV. Storm plays face-in-peril as the crowd playfully chants “boring.” Storm works in the springboard trick to get out of a wristlock. Jindrak nails him with a right, though. Storm avoids a Jindrak charge. Val gets the hot tag and cleans house on the heels. Spinbuster, neckbreaker, Half-Nelson slam. Val gets two off a Blue Thunder Bomb. He tries a suplex, but Cade pulls his feet out from under him, putting Jindrak on top for the win at 7:55. 1/2* The Dudz storm the ring for a brawl. Bubba’s Bobby Hill shortpants are made even more disturbing by the bright yellow camouflage. Cade cheapshots D-Von to break up an O’Connor Roll. He misses a flying elbowdrop, though. Bubba gets the hot tag and cleans house on Cade & Jindrak. Jindrak pastes D-Von, and Cade rolls him up, but it only gets two. D-Von puts the breaks on to block the dropkick. The Dudz finish with the 3D at 12:30. 1/2* Steiner and Test spent most of the year feuding and then became friends. Much like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, only not as good in the ring. Test focuses on Bubba’s shoulder, and Steiner locks in a Fujiwara armbar. D-Von gets the “hot” tag. Test accidentally boots Steiner and then tries to pin D-Von with his feet on the ropes, but D-Von kicks out anyway. He pulls the old throw the title in the ring as a decoy and then hit the opponent with the chair move. Bubba breaks up the pin and finishes him with the Bubba Bomb at 19:28. Long boring series of matches. They should have just gone with the Dudz vs. Jindrak & Cade since that was the real feud. Even Steiner & Test would have made more sense. * The Dudleyz can barely move, so Batista finishes his old boss D-Von with a Demonbomb at 21:23. Ross screams that this is unfair for the Dudleyz, but the real guys who got screwed were Rosey and Hurricane. 1/4* Ross and Lawler talk about Molly being sexually frustrated. Ivory hits a low dropkick and cannonballs on Molly. Talk turns to Molly’s bowel movements and whether or not she has Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Gordon Solie used to do the same thing with the Briscoes. Ross apologizes for not being prepared for the match. I don’t even remember if this was set up or anything, so I don’t blame him. Molly hits a handspring elbow and unties the top turnbuckle. Ivory blocks herself from going into it and rolls Molly up. Molly rolls through for a sloppy pin at 4:24. This is just here because something had to be. 3/4* Kane and Hunter team up against Goldie. Goldberg knocks Kane down with a flying shoulderblock and powerslams him for two. He clotheslines Hunter out, but Kane does the Zombie sit up. The challengers team up against Goldberg again for a double suplex. That doesn’t last long as HHH accidentally nails Kane with the chair. Goldberg makes his own save and considers Pillmanizing Hunter’s leg. Kane tosses Goldberg to the floor, though. Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer through the table, but Hunter jabs his ribs with the chair. Kane is able to chokeslam Goldie on the table. The table doesn’t break, so Hunter puts Goldberg on the table and elbows him through it. Hunter grabs a chair to celebrate, but Kane sees him with it and wonders what his intentions are. HHH tries to beg off and then double-cross him, but Kane backdrops out of the Pedigree. Kane chases him back in but gets poked in the eye. HHH gives him a neckbreaker, but Kane sits up and no-sells HHH’s rights. Kane knocks Hunter to the floor and tosses him back in. Goldberg has recovered, though, and spears Kane. Hunter breaks up the pin, though. They all slug each other, and Goldberg comes out on top of that. He double clotheslines them and spears Kane again. And there’s one to HHH. Evolution distracts Goldberg so that he doesn’t pin HHH. Kane and Goldberg try to chokeslam each other. That allows HHH to go low on Goldberg. Kane chokeslams him, but Batista pulls Kane to the floor, allowing HHH to get the win at 21:28. Just a long, drawn-out series of power moves really. Goldberg was kinda, sorta starting to catch on with the fans, but he was really just a WCW guy transplanted to the WWE, and he just didn’t seem like a good fit. **1/4 |
The 411:Â This was Evolution's night as they captured all of the gold save for the Women's Title (and don't think Ric Flair is above putting on a dress to take that title). The wrestling started resembling a good show in the middle, but the end just petered out and fell flat with HHH once again reclaiming his birthright. Thumbs down. |
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| Final Score:  5.0   [ Not So Good ]  legend |
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