The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks: 06.05.07

Hi there, and welcome back to the Friday FreeThinks.

My apologies for missing out on last week’s column, and a big thanks to Steve Cook for filling in while I was away.

Lots to discuss this week, however — so let’s Rock & Roll.

The SELL of the week goes to William Regal, who took a facefull of hog slop on Monday Night RAW and made it look like it was the single most embarrassing thing he’d ever encountered (and this coming from the same guy who drank Chris Jericho’s urine and kissed Mr. McMahon’s bare backside). Regal is and always has been a consummate professional, and the look on his face when Santino whipped a bucket filled with rotten food in his direction was absolutely priceless, as it conveyed a mixed sense of shame, outrage, and a hell-bent desire for revenge. It takes a heckofalot to get ‘rasslin fans even remotely interested in a Hog Pen Match, but Regal’s sell of just how gross and embarrassing the hog slop can be most definitely went a long way in convincing Mee that nobody wants to end up swimming in pig shit come Sunday night.

The TELL of the week goes to JTG, who took Shelton Benjamin’s “Paydirt” finishing maneuver on Friday night’s Smackdown and made it look as if the move was the single LEAST effective finisher in all of professional wrestling. I can totally understand protecting yourself and your opponent in a “sport” that’s more scripted than physical, but JTG took the fall squarely on his forearms, and Smackdown’s camera crew did little to hide the fact that The Gold Standard’s patented maneuver doesn’t come anywhere NEAR driving an opponent’s head into the canvas. Though I suppose if they called the move wouldn’t be nearly as devastating (even in kayfabe terms) if Shel was to call it “The Rugburn.”

New and/or newly returning performers or events of the past week.

Raven – former NWA and ECW World Champion Raven made his return to TNA programming on last week’s episode of iMPACT!, where he assisted Dr. Stevie (Stevie Richards) in an on-air beatdown of his longtime nemesis, Abyss. Though no word of a new contract has yet surfaced, it appears that Raven will continue to work with TNA as part of the ongoing Dr. Stevie/Abyss storyline for the immediate future.

(More on Raven in the Shane Douglas blurb below)

Lisa Marie Varon, a.k.a. “Victoria” – the former WWE Women’s Champion made her debut on TNA programmin on last week’s episode of iMPACT!, where she answered an open in-ring challenge set forth by current TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and left all three members of The Beautiful People scrambling before announcing her intentions to challenge for the company’s Knockouts Championship.

Victoria officially “retired” from World Wrestling Entertainment late in 2008, but was last seen wrestling at WWE’s WrestleMania XXIV pay-per-view, where she participated in a losing effort as part of the 24 Diva Battle Royal. It appears as if the former WWE Women’s Champion has now found a home in the TNA ranks, where she will remain a part of their active roster and continue performing under her given name.

(More on Victoria in the Shane Douglas blurb below)

Shane Douglas – former ECW World Champion Shane Douglas made his return to TNA programming at the conclusion of last week’s episode of iMPACT!, where he came through the crowd and assaulted (Christopher) Daniels to close out the show. Though he has not performed as a regular competitor in several years and no word of a new contract has yet surfaced, it appears that The Franchise will continue to work with TNA as part of an ongoing program against The Fallen Angel for the immediate future.

The biggest story out of TNA last week was that the company had brought in not one, not two, but THREE “former World Champions” in one night. Obviously Victoria was the most suspect of those three names (because really now, with the current state of mainstream female wrestling in the U.S. today, are we counting a women’s “World” championship on the same level as a men’s title?), but the bottom line is that the company did indeed deliver on their promise, and three past champions most certainly appeared on last week’s iMPACT! broadcast.

Victoria is a certifiable veteran of the wrestling business, and one of the few female performers of the modern era to actually have competed for a major company at a time when “Divas” wrestling actually demanded more skill than silicone. She’s a good hand, a certifiable title threat (Victoria vs. Awesome Kong has money written all over it — well, at least as much “money” as women’s wrestling is likely to draw in a mainstream company in today’s market), and a recognizable face that can really do wonders to boost the profile of the Knockouts’ otherwise fledgling band of up-and-coming female performers. All told? She’s a smart hire.

The problem, however —

Is that while TNA’s Knockouts division has really been hurting since WWE signed away the onetime cornerstone in Gail Kim (and at this stage in the game, MeeThinks it’s pretty clear to see that WWE signed Gail just as much to HURT TNA as they did to HELP themselves or their new hire), Victoria comes into the fold with a long and storied history of some pretty serious injuries (neck, knees, you name it). This wouldn’t be so bad on its own (hey, sometimes you’ve just gotta’ take the risk with a new hire, ya’ know?), but there is some added concern that the company may be overinflating their roster with a new round of less-than-ring-worthy veterans in the form of Victoria, AND Shane Douglas, AND Raven (AND Taz, who’s bound to be just a few weeks behind them) all in such a rapid succession.

Simple fact of the matter is…

Victoria, Douglas, Raven and Taz are probably good for a COMBINED two-dozen-or-so in-ring appearances this year at BEST, and virtually ALL of those performances would probably have to be done by the former WWE Women’s Champ alone (Taz and The Franchise are well beyond “regular competitor” stage, and a career of injuries and addictions have pretty much rendered Raven all but useless as an active competitor at this stage in his career).

Long story short?

TNA is getting FOUR old stars, but only ONE real wrestler out of the bunch (hey! That sounds like The Main Event Mafia 2.o, come to think of it). And if these new hires are not going to be exposed for being years past their in-ring prime? The three remaining veterans will pretty much have to be kept to a ringside antagonist/manager/special performer role. While a few new coaches/mentors/managers here and there are a much-needed addition to a roster, TNA has to be very careful not to oversaturate their roster with more out-of-ring than in-ring talent. Fans might cheer the ECW originals for a nostalgia factor for a while, but it’s pretty hard NOT to turn on three old-timers who can’t wrestle worth a lick in a hurry when they go on to steal valuable television time away from regular members of the roster in the weeks to come.

Dustin Carwile – local talent Dustin Carwile made a one-off WWE appearance in a losing effort against Zach Ryder on Tuesday night’s ECW broadcast (you KNOW it!). Carwile is not believed to have signed a long-term WWE contract at this time.

Obituaries, retirements, and/or performers whose contracts have ended this week.

Mr. Kennedy – Ken “Kennedy” Anderson was released from his contract with World Wrestling Entertainment last Friday morning. Apparently, an in-ring slip-up that nearly re-injured WWE Champion Randy Orton’s collarbone was the straw that broke this often-in-the-doghouse-or-on-the-injured-reserve superstar’s back, and the Green Bay Loudmouth was ankled just a few days after his high-profile return.

Two quick offshoot stories on this one:

First? Kennedy’s release has really been a long time coming. In the four years since his main roster debut, the man has been plagued with injuries and suspensions at every turn — spending nearly as much time AWAY from the ring as IN it — and he’s effectively turned into his own worst enemy whenever fate seemed to smile his way (Money in the Bank, Vince’s “Bastard” Son, etc.).

The good news?

Kennedy is undeniably charismatic, and he is well-connected within the industry to at least a handful of people who have demonstrated that a firing from World Wrestling Entertainment is hardly as career-ending a tragedy as so many would make it out to be (Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Steve Austin). If wrestling is still in Kennedy’s future (and let’s be honest here — there is virtually NO chance that TNA will pass on the opportunity to scoop this guy up by the end of 2009), here’s hoping he can take his time away from the WWE ranks to bring his notoriously sloppy and injury prone in-ring performances up to the same level of fan-friendly accessibility as he’s dedicated to his little “microphone from the ceiling” schtick.

The guy has tremendous potential, I’ll give him that — but he’s pretty much become professional wrestling’s answer to Dane Cook. Charismatic? Without a question. But more than self-aware of just how great some people just so happen to think he is, and totally in love with his own hype to the point where it’s pretty hard not to sour on him in a hurry.

Second point of good news —

Randy Orton is rumored to have had a hand in Kennedy’s dismissal, as The Legend Killer reportedly exchanged words with the now-released WWE superstar following the five-on-five match during the main event on last week’s RAW. This fact has caused many ‘net fans (including a handful of my very own 411 colleagues) to raise an eyebrow over the notion that this is the second time that Orton has effectively “called for somebody’s head” and been given it on a silver platter (first Manu, and now Kennedy), which has lead at least a few critics to question just how good this can possibly be for backstage ego of the notoriously volatile and (at times) dangerously immature Randy Orton.

To them, I’ll say this —

Every report on the matter pretty much says that while Orton and Kennedy *did* indeed exchange words following Ken’s botched suplex on last Monday’s broadcast, the conversation between the two guys was actually remarkably even-keeled and civil. Orton may have “dressed him down” for his mistakes, but word has it that The Legend Killer did so in a way that didn’t feature any sort of screaming, destroying of hotel rooms, or defacating in a fellow performer’s bag of personal posessions. True, Orton did give Kennedy a quick SLAP on the back of the skull right in the center of the ring immediately after the move went awry, of course…

But baby steps, people.

Frankly, I didn’t find Orton’s slap to be all that out of place. He’s supposed to be a bad guy, he has a history of injuries to his collarbone, he took a pretty nasty fall, and was clearly writhing in pain from it to the point where he (literally) flailed on over and smacked his opponent for having dropped him so hard in the first place.

Ever slam your hand in a door and do something similar immediately thereafter?

Sure it was less than mature — but it was spontaneous, and it fit the moment. And more to the point, when Orton had the chance to address the matter in greater detail, all accounts indicate that he managed to do so with poise, respect, and (GASP!) PROFESSIONALISM! So lay off of the poor guy, alright?

Performers injured or suspended in the past week.

Abyss, Alex Shelley, and Consequences Creed – these three TNA performers were sent home from a tour this week after suffering from “flu-like symptoms.” None of the three men are expected to miss any significant time as a result of this recent illness.

Samoa Joe – The Samoan Submission Machine ended up on the double-injured reserve this week, as it was announced that he had broken TWO fingers AND torn his triceps muscle during the past seven days’ time. According to his Twitter account, however, Samoa Joe has every intent of working through his various injuries and performing as scheduled right on up and through TNA’s Slammiversary Pay Per View later this month. Here’s hoping that the injuries are not so serious as to prevent him from doing so — but if they are, here’s hoping that Joe AND his employers are smart enough to keep him out of action if need be. Following a near-disasterous stutter-start to Joe’s gimmick-overhauled “nation of violence” persona, the absolute LAST thing he or TNA needs right now is to spend a few months back on the disabled list rehabbing an injury that was only made worse by performing in the first place (‘sup, Batista?)

As crazy as it sounds — the whole “guerilla warfare” style of out-of-ring attacks would actually be a SAFER way to keep Joe on television as he attempts to work through his injury at this stage in the game. (un?)Fortunately, TNA was wise enough to shy away from that whole “Joe’s LITERALLY Gonna’ Kill You” approach over the past several weeks, which has restored a great deal of the former TNA Champ’s bona-fide ass-kicking credibility as he spends more time beating his opponents IN the ring and less time kidnapping them AWAY from it.

As such —

Perhaps a middle ground of some sorts can be reached that would allow Samoa Joe the opportunity to keep his in-ring time to a merciful minimum while still allowing him to come across as a certifiable ass-kicking machine. As much as it pains Mee to see the former champ spin his wheels with a lateral move for the time being, short and decisive squash matches would be a tremendous help to keep Joe looking strong at this stage in the game while he works through the injury. Even if these less-than-five-star encounters means that we’ll be seeing LESS of Joe in long-form matches in the immediate future, I’d much rather see TNA ditch the temptation to go all Jack Bauer assassin with him in favor of moving Joe one tiny step backwards in order get him MANY steps forward once he’s cleared for a full recovery.

Performers who’ve landed in hot water over the past week.

None – In a welcome development, there has been no word of performers who’ve landed in the doghouse over the past seven days. Well that is, of course, unless you’re staying up to date with the Hogan family drama — but at this point, that’s LONG beyond relevant to the professional wrestling world.

Developing scandals, scuttlebutt, and budding backstage rumors.

WWE Breaking Point – this new addition to the WWE pay-per-view calendar was officially announced this week, and it will take the place of September’s Unforgiven PPV as the latest staple of the WWE slate of PPV offerings.

We discussed this sucker in serious depth about two weeks ago, but to recap —

Breaking Point = great name.
All Submission PPV = great way to entice some of the more MMA-friendly fans.
Themed PPVs = great idea.

Provided the gimmick you employ is flexible enough to allow for a number of matches to be contested under the loosely defined rules of its umbrella (ella, ella),giving each major PPV a unique gimmick unto itself helps set it apart from the other shows that your company and your competitors would otherwise be hosting. This, in turn, makes the show easier to market, AND easier to sell as a “must-see” program that’s unlike anything else your fans have seen.

Back in the “big four” PPV days of the mid-80’s WWF, there were only FOUR chances to see a major company pay per view. And each of these shows came packaged with a neat little gimmick in order to help them stand out from the other shows AND make them seem all the more significant and unique from the company’s other PPV offerings. SummerSlam and WrestleMania anchored six months apart from one another really allowed for long-term feuds to develop and pay off in singles’ and tag matches in a regular schedule, while the Royal Rumble and the Survivor Series each came with a pre-loaded gimmick twist that helped to throw fuel onto the fire of “The Grandaddy of Them All” while still boasting a unique and marketable concept match (or matches) that made fans want to buy the show to see just how things would play out.

This is, was, and should continue to be good business all around — and hopefully, by giving each PPV offering a “brand identity” unto itself, WWE will have a better chance of making each individual show seem unique and WORTHWHILE to purchase. Because under the old system of “14 PPVs where just about everything is interchangable?” There was really no incentive to plunk down coin for any one particular show over the other, barring WrestleMania and The Royal Rumble.

Recaps and thoughts on the major onscreen happenings of the past week.

WWE Gears Up for Extreme Rules
Hardcore PPV Scheduled for Sunday Night

WWE will kickstart their PPV-heavy summer this Sunday night with the Extreme Rules pay per view, in which all of the matches will feature some form of a “no disqualification” stipulation in order to allow performers a little bit more hardcore leeway than they might otherwise have under standard one fall to a finish guidelines. Interestingly, this PPV (formerly “ECW’s One Night Stand” and then “WWE’s One Night Stand”) which was renamed to the more family-friendly moniker it now bears on account of WWE’s shift to an all TV-PG rating approach will likewise be the first entirely “EXTREME” PPV to be contested in an entirely no-disqualification environment.

Hopefully —

WWE’s recent shift to a more “family friendly” approach to programming won’t mean that their “no rules” pay-per-view will be reduced to little more than a three-hour parade of Hog Pen Hijinx and cookie sheet headshots. While it’s perfectly understandable that we might not see such “Extreme” elements as blood, fire and barbed wire at this year’s show — here’s hoping WWE has a few tricks up their sleeve for Sunday’s show that will result in “Extreme Rules” matches that result in something more substantial than a slew of cheap finishes and run-ins.

TNA Slammiversary to Host TWO King of the Mountain Matches
Company Continues Trend Toward Themed-Match PPV

Over the past seven days, it was announced that this month’s Slammiversary PPV will feature not one but TWO “King of the Mountain” ladder matches, one for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship and a second for the company’s X-Division title. As expected, the decision to put two of the same gimmicked bouts on the same card has drawn mixed reviews across the board.

TNA’s Lockdown was the company’s first foray into the all-gimmick-match PPV waters. And while I have been pretty vocal with a few of my personal hangups about an entirely cage-match-themed show (simply because the cage format is both historically “feud ending” and particularly limiting), you have to give credit where credit is due to TNA for moving forward with an attempt to further distinguish their PPVs from one another in order to set each one apart from the next and make them seem all the more enticing to new buyers.

Moreover —

TNA’s main event scene is dominated by “heavyweights” and older performers who might not exactly be well-suited for the high-flying demands of the ladder match format. Though guys like Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett are certainly the “big names” that are likely to entice buyers into purchasing the show (even though Mick has all but telegraphed the match’s ending and virtually assured his defeat by swearing that he’ll only defend the TNA World Heavyweight Championship ONCE a year if he’s able to walk out the victor), the bottom line is that the best ladder matches in history are usually a lot more highspot-based and arial-driven, which is simply a style better-suited for TNA’s smaller performers.

Namely?

The X Division.

This works on two levels. First, it guarantees fans at least one of the ladder matches on the card will deliver the prerequisite quota of highspot insanity. Second? Building the PPV around two of these matches makes them (and the belts being defended) seem like *that much more* of a “big deal.” And putting the smaller guys in the same “big time” match as their main event counterparts helps raise the profile of the X Division championship and the competitors therein.

And that’s pretty much a win/win.

And With That, I’m Outta’ Here

That does it for Mee this week. Thanks again for reading, and good luck if you’re one of the very select few still toiling away with exams and the like (I’m looking at YOU, high school types). ‘Till next time — watch out for those collarbone injuries, enjoy Sunday’s PPV, and always stay positive!

– Meehan