Into the Indies 12.08.09: DDT Ryogoku Peter Pan (Part 1)

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Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Into the Indies, 411mania’s answer to a question that nobody ever asked.

This week, we’re going back the Dramatic Dream Team of DDT. We’ve already taken a look at DDT twice in the history of this column, once when they ran a show in a theme park and once when a blow-up doll wrestled for their primary singles championship. As you might expect from an independent professional wrestling show, those cards took place in front of venues containing 400 and 1,300 fans, respectively.

However, something special happened to DDT this summer. The company decided that, on August 23, 2009, they were going to run Sumo Hall in Tokyo Japan, a venue significantly larger than anything that they have held a show at in the past. In what was a bit of a shocker, despite the fact that DDT is a smaller company than New Japan, NOAH, All Japan, Dragon Gate, ZERO1, and perhaps even Big Japan, it managed to cram EIGHT THOUSAND EIGHT HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FIVE fans into Sumo Hall, none of whom were given free tickets as promotions often do when they’re having difficulty filling of a large arena. This number, according to the Wrestling Observer, is larger than the number of fans that New Japan normally draws to Sumo Hall and is even bigger than the number of fans that WWE drew when it last ran a show in Tokyo.

For a promotion whose largest crowds are normally around 1,500 people, this was an incredible accomplishment. So, what exactly what was the draw on the August 23 show which is lovingly known as Ryogoku Peter Pan? To this day, I have yet to hear a good explanation. It is true that DDT brought in New Japan legend Masahiro Chono for the show, but Chono alone isn’t drawing 8,000 fans in 2009. It is true that the company appeared poised to put its most important title on top star Kota Ibushi at the show, but, if that were the draw, regular DDT shows featuring Ibushi on top would do much better than they actually do. Perhaps the real draw of the show was that it was something different, a once in a lifetime card in a venue of this size that will probably never be replicated.

This week, we’ll be taking a look at the first half of the show that those eight-and-a-half thousand fans saw when they showed up at Sumo Hall . . . and, because the show ran for SIX AND A HALF HOURS, we’ll also be taking a second half next week.

Match Numero Uno: Yukihiro Abe, Keisuke Ishii, & Takao Souma vs. Shigehiro Irie, Tomokazu Taniguchi, & Gota Ihashi

Abe, Ishii, and Taniguchi are all regulars on the DDT undercard, and we saw the majority of them when I reviewed DDT the first time. Added to the mix here is Gota Ihashi, who, as you might be able to pick up on from his name, is a parody of the company’s much more popular wrestler Kota Ibushi. What makes him a parody, you ask? Well, the fact that his body fat percentage is four times that of Ibushi’s is a good start. He’s joined by the fairly portly Irie, who we first encountered on the NOSAWA Bom-Ba-Ye show in the epically bad “King of Gorilla” match. The real focus of this match, though, is Takao Souma. Souma, a twenty-one year old former amateur wrestling star, is making his pro wrestling debut here.

Souma wastes no time in hitting the ring, starting the match off against Taniguchi. The youngster gets shoved back into the ropes and taken down, but he holds his own on the mat during a series of reversals. He even comes out on top and applies a headlock, then blocking Taniguchi’s attempt to turn it into a backdrop suplex. Eventually Taniguchi does back his opponent into the corner, setting up a tag to Irie. Ishii enters the ring as well, and the two men trade forearms. It looks a bit silly since Irie is significantly larger, but he finally asserts his dominance with a shoulderblock. It doesn’t take long for him to be maneuvered back into Ishii’s corner, though, which sets up a tag to Abe. Abe is clotheslined down by Irie, and here comes Ihashi. Ihashi applies an armbar only to have Abe escape quickly, after which he hits an armbar/dropkick combo before tagging out to Souma. The debutante lands several running forearms on the fat man, but he’s taken down and forced to endure a tubby standing moonsault. Ihashi goes to the front facelock after that and brings Irie back into the ring. He does the same forearm sequence that he just did with Ishii, though this time he wins it with a big lariat for a two count. A slam is next from the big man, and that sets up a double stomp and a chinlock applied while sitting on Souma’s back. Souma still manages to make a military crawl to the ropes, though he can’t prevent a tag to Taniguchi. Taniguchi slams his man a couple of times and hits a vertical suplex for a nearfall. Souma blocks an Irish whip attempt and reverses a second, hitting a dropkick. ‘Guchi refuses to go down on the first, but a second version of the move takes him off of his feet and gives us a tag to Ishii. He comes off of the top with a missile dropkick and then plants a running knee in to Taniguchi’s face, which is followed by a kneedrop for two. A kneelift and a high knee connect from Ishii after that, and here comes Honest Abe.

It’s time for more forearm trading. Yes, seriously. Taniguchi gives Abe a NICE spear to cap off that sequence, and then Irie gets to hit the ring. He clubs away at Abe with forearms, next hitting a huge avalanche in the corner and a Tenta-style sitdown splash for two. Abe starts to mount a comeback with a jawbreaker and a small package, but Taniguchi makes the save at two. That prompts Ishii to run in and clear the ring of the opposing team, after which he and Abe take turns hitting corner attacks on Irie. That culminates with a nice German by Ishii on the larger man, with Abe immediately jumping in and getting a jackknife pin. Awesome spot, right there. Irie retakes the advantage with a powerslam out of nowhere on Abe, and he brings Ihashi into the match. Souma tags in as well and gets his man down with a DDT, leading to a nearfall. It looked like Ihashi took that one harder than he wanted to. He responds with a snug looking backdrop suplex before setting Souma up for a moonsault press. It connects, but Abe runs into save at 2.99999. Ishii then appears in the ring, giving Ihashi a big flying kick. That sets up a Souma roaring elbow for two as Irie saves. Abe dispatches him and gives him a pescado as Souma goes for a springboard rana on Ihashi. Unfortunately, they had difficulty rolling through, making the move look really awkward and like something that should have done more damage to Souma than to his opponent. It’s always nice to get the win in your debut, but not quite like that.

Match Thoughts: There was good stuff in this match. There was bad stuff in this match. It all evened out to result in a match that was slightly below average. I will say that Souma showed some definite promise, especially in his mat wrestling at the beginning of the bout, which was lightning fast compared to just about anybody who is currently in the game. However, as one might expect, he looked significantly less polished when attempting to do standard professional wrestling spots. Aside from his performance, the highlight of the match was probably Irie, who, though I felt like I was watching him in slow motion during the Bom-Bay-Ye, did a great job here of being the big man indy bully in a match full of smaller wrestlers. Unfortunately, he and others in this bout over-relied on trading strikes, which appears to be the new way to put together a match in Japan when you have no earthly clue what else do in the ring. **

Match Numero Dos: Battle Royale for the Ironman Heavymetalweight Title

For those who may not know, the Ironman Heavymetalweight Title is essentially DDT’s version of the WWE Hardcore Championship from its heyday in 1999 and 2000, combining some hardcore wrestling with a heck of a lot of comedy. It is also defended under 24/7 rules, which has lead to a list of former champions including a miniature dachshund, a ladder, and a poster promoting a women’s wrestling show. Here the championship is being defended in a Royal Rumble style match, with new competitors entering the ring every sixty seconds or so and eliminations taking place when an individual is pinned, made to submit, or thrown over the top rope.

In keeping with the proud tradition of the title, the champion headed into this match is YOSHIHIKO, everybody’s favorite blow-up doll. He begins the match with Dragon Gym graduate Toru Owashi, who immediately throws him over the top rope as though he weighed nothing. The next man in is DJ Nira, a wrestler trained by TAKA Michinoku’s Kaientai Dojo who is largely retired but still makes sporadic appearances when the mood takes him. Owashi catches him early with a big boot for the immediate pinfall. Entrant numbers four and five make their presence known at this point, and they are DDT alumni Shoichi Ichimiya and Futoshi Miwa, who have decided to dress up for the evening as Bull Nakano and Dump Matsumoto, respectively. For those wondering, they did not do nearly as good a job as Kikutaro & Muscle Sakai. The fake Dump and Bull double team Toru and hit him with weapons to set up a series of splashes and leg drops, but Owashi kicks out of those at two. More weapon shots follow, and they’re so light that they’re obviously being played for comedy as opposed to being passed off as legitimate. They work, though, as the phony female wrestlers are the first competitors that Owashi doesn’t immediately eliminate. Oddly enough, out at number six is Yumiko Hotta, a legitimate female wrestler and a former rival of the real Dump Matsumoto & Bull Nakano. She makes her way to the ring with a chain and decks both of the phony women. They briefly take over on Hotta after tripping her up, but a weapon shot misses and before long Hotta regains control with a backdrop driver on Nise Bull that gets her a three count.

Hotta is left alone in the ring, as Toru and “Matusmoto” are busy brawling with one another around ringside. She’s joined by Hideki Shiota, who kicks at her a bit but is rather easily dispatched. Joining them next in the ring is Rion Mizuki, who apparently proposes to Hotta and gives her a gift of booze. They toast, but, instead of drinking their treats, they douse Shiota with them. That leads into the entrance of the masked Azul Dragon, who is on loan from a very small indy promotion called Freelance Team Oita. Rion and Dragon do spots off of the ropes, including some armdrags and a dropkick by Mizuki. Azul responds with a dropkick, which sets up a a back elbow and a mule kick in the corner. Now it’s time for a Tomoya (who I believe moonlights as Okinawa Pro Wrestling‘s Mil Mongoose) to hit the ring. He cartwheels through a double clothesline by Dragon and Mizuki and then throws them into each other and destroys them with knees to the face. Tomoya gives Azul a superkick and Rion a backbreaker. Fake Matsumoto pops back into the ring this point, and he/she is there just in time to be blasted by a lariat from Tomoya and pinned.

Our next entrant is Kengo Takai, formerly of Osaka Pro. Takai hits the ring and is immediately met by Tomoya. Kengo throws Shiota into Toyoma, though, and he gives them both a big spear in the corner. This allows him to get a flash pin on Shiota while Toyoma is still down in the corner. After the pin, Michael Nakazawa enters. He is selling being badly burned as a result of losing an “anus explosion deathmatch” prior to the show. Nakazawa attempts to walk out to the ring with the aid of a cane, but the damage that he took from having a bomb set off in his posterior is too much, and he collapses in the aisle. Meanwhile, back in the ring, all of the competitors remaining in the match have joined hands while Tomoya walks to ropes, holding on to Mizuki’s hand. Tomoya only manages to make a few steps before Toru Owashi intrudes on his highspot, shoving him off of his perch on the top rope and down to the arena floor for the elimination. All of the remaining competitors team up on Owashi and try to eliminate him, but, as they are doing that, some oddly mesmerizing j-pop plays to set up the entrance of twelve year old Ice Ribbon sensation Riho. All of the male competitors argue over who is going to have to attack a little girl, but Riho quickly answers that question for them by blasting Mizuki with a running kneelift that sends him flying over the top rope and out of the match. Azul Dragon quickly suffers the same fate.

Takai eats the knee as well, but he collapses at center ring instead of flying over the top rope. Inexplicably, he pops up from his prone position and throws himself out of the ring as well, giving the twelve year old girl another elimination. At this point, Nakzawa rolls in under the bottom rope, having finally made it all the way down the aisle in his battered state. Riho runs over and covers him, but, surprisingly, he kicks out at two. Our next entrant is Tomomitsu Matsunaga. Nakazawa tries to shake hands with his former tag team partner Matsunaga, but he is double crossed as Tomo’ teams up with Riho. Nakzawa tries to give the two of them a double dropkick, but he misses and lands on his ass, which he sells big due to the earlier explosion. Unfortunately for him, Matsunaga decides to add insult to injury by hitting an atomic drop. He then attempts to toss Nakazawa over the top, but Michael has the good sense to skin the cat back in. Riho and Tomo take turns (literally) kicking his butt, leading up to the entrance of Chou-un Shiryu from New Beijing Pro Wrestling. Shiryu immediately gives Nakazawa a springboard kick to the ass, but Michael rebounds by throwing Matsunaga into Shiryu. Rather than going after his downed male opponents, the slippery Nakazawa tries to pick off the young Riho. It looks like he won’t be successful at first, as she attempts a tilt-a-whirl into a sunset flip. However, Nakazawa manages to sit on her chest in the middle of the execution of the move, giving him a three count to eliminate his much smaller adversary. The crowd is not happy AT ALL with that one.

Out from behind the curtain next is Keigi Muto, an indy guy doing his best Keiji Mutoh impression. He gives Shiryu a dragon screw and Matsunaga shining wizard, which beats him. Hotta then returns to the match after a long absence, going after Muto but being hit with a handspring elbow, bulldog, and power drive elbow. Muto runs into a kick from the joshi wrestler, but, when she follows up and attempts to charge him, he pulls down the top rope to send her over with assistance from Owashi. Then, when the time for our next entrance comes, the lights go out and the music of THE UNDERTAKER begins to play. Of course, Mark Calloway is not actually in the building. Instead, it’s just YOSHIHIKO (the doll), who has put on an Undertaker mask and some fake tattoos, including “Sara” on his neck. He’s placed back into the ring, where Shiryu stares him down. Unfortunately for Chou-un, the doll catches him out of nowhere and gives him a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, tossing the Chinese competitor over the top rope and to the floor.

YOSHItaker’s next targets are Nakazawa and Muto, as he simultaneously takes the two wrestlers down with a headlock/headscissors combo and pins them. That leaves Owashi alone with the doll, and, just as he begun the match, Owashi effortlessly sends YOSHIHIKO out of the ring to win the title. However, after Owashi gets done cutting a celebratory promo, YOSHIHIKO takes advantage of the Iron Man Heavy Title’s 24/7 rules and sneaks up on Owashi, catching him with a huricanrana to reclaim the title.

Match Thoughts: On Wrestlemania XVII, the WWF presented a “gimmick battle royale,” featuring some of the most over the top gimmick wrestlers that they could put together. In many ways, this was DDT’s version of the gimmick battle royale, and I have to say that it was executed better than the original in some ways. Though it was very long for a comedy match, the staggered entrances of the wrestlers provided an opportunity for each gimmick introduced to be the focus for at least one good gag. Plus there were proverbial “straight men” inserted into the match as well, giving some of the more comedic wrestlers individuals who they could play off of instead of forcing comedy guys to bounce off of one another with no real rhyme or reason behind it. There was virtually no storytelling here and virtually no athletic spots of any note . . . but it was still essentially a “best of” compilation of comedy on the independent wrestling circuit, and it was worth watching for that fact alone. Two thumbs way up for this one.

Match Numero Tres: Mitsuya Nagai & Munenori Sawa vs. Hoshitango & Tanomusaku Toba

Here we have a tag team battle pitting four different fighting disciplines against one another. Nagai has an MMA background, Sawa comes from the worked-shoot realm of BattlArts, Hoshitango is a former sumo wrestler, and Toba is a kickboxer-turned-pro wrestler. The version of the match that I have is joined in progress, as Sawa eats a doomsday device from his opponents. Nagai makes the save, but Toba stays on Sawa with strikes. He goes for a big kick, but Sawa turns it into a dragon screw and gets what appears to be the hot tag. Nagai and Toba trade big kicks at center ring, with Nagai ultimately getting the upper hand and giving his man a series of knees. Then, out of nowhere, Toba catches him with an uppercut. He then sees his opening for a big kick to the head, but Nagai catches him with a beautiful capture suplex. Sawa tags in and gives Toba a diving elbow before looking for a backdrop suplex. Toba elbows out of the first attempt but can’t avoid the second. Sawa runs right into a big haymaker seconds later. Sawa responds with a nice looking shining wizard, but it only gets a two count. Sawa looks for a submission with a grounded version of the octopus, but Hoshitango saves. Nagai dispatches him, leaving Sawa to hit Toba with a straight right hand for a one count. The two men trade punches at center ring, and ultimately it’s Sawa who connects with the KO punch for the victory.

Match Thoughts: Obviously I didn’t have an opportunity to see anything close to the full match here, but I was a big fan of what I did see, with hot and heavy action and very believable strikes being exchanged between all four men. Particularly impressive is Sawa, who has been one of the real bright spots of Japanese indy wrestling over the course of the last couple of years. He’s a guy who is just BEGGING to break out into bigger and better things, and hopefully he gets that opportunity sooner rather than later. He would be the prefect fit for the junior heavyweight division of just about any major wrestling promotion.

Match Numero Cuatro: Danshoku Dino vs. Masa Takanashi

Of course, Dino’s gimmick is that he is the world’s horniest homosexual. However, that was apparently not quite enough of a storyline for him, so, in recent months, he has also been involved in an angle in which he has become DDT’s resident “belt collector,” beating various wrestlers for obscure (and in some cases fictional) titles. His collection has been referred to by some as the “Gay Crown,” a play on the old “J-Crown” that consisted of eight major junior heavyweight championships and was held by wrestlers like the Great Sasuke and Ultimo Dragon during the late 1990’s. Dino has six or seven title belts of his own at the outset of this match, with some of them being quite absurd. For example, one appears to be nothing more than a computer keyboard that has been painted gold and attached to a leather strap. Takanashi also has several title belts of his own when he hits the ring, so I am assuming that this is some sort of “winner take all” match.

Dino has one of the wildest entrances that I’ve seen in professional wrestling, starting several rows back in the audience and coming through the crowd, periodically stopping to either hit a fan with a leather a strap or kiss a (male) fan on the lips. One gentlemen is unfortunate enough to find his head square with Dino’s crotch, which results in a series of pelvic thrusts directed at the young man’s face. Takanashi gets a couple of right hands on Dino before the bell, but the hypersexual wrestler still has one of his title belts in hand and uses it to block his opponent’s last fist. Dino looks for a kiss, which causes Masa to bail. The two wrestlers chase one another on the floor for a bit, and, as Danshoku slides back into the ring, Takanashi puts the boots to him. Masa winds up for another punch, but Dino grabs his crotch and then fondles his pecs before maneuvering him down to the mat and sticking his hand down the back of his opponent’s pants. Yes, this is offense in a professional wrestling match. Dino then hits a snap mare and looks for the testicular claw again, but Masa blocks it and tosses his opponent’s hand away. In a spot that I have seen in literally every Danshoku Dino match I have ever watched, this causes the referee to get the claw. However, in a variant on the old spot, Takanashi takes Dino and Irish whips him in to the ropes. Dino won’t let go of the ref’s crotch, so he winds up having to run alongside the wrestler, and both men take bumps when Masa clotheslines Dino on the rebound. I’ll admit it, I laughed at that one. Takanashi chops away at Dino but gets his crotch grabbed. Dino’s next move is taking Takanashi’s hand and sticking it down the front of his trunks before giving him a uranage. I’m fighting the urge to call that move the “Cock Bottom.” Dino then pulls down his already skimpy trunks to reveal skimpier undergarments, which he then pulls down to reveal a thong. Takanashi is almost literally tea-bagged, and that gets Dino a two count. I feel dirtier with every passing moment of this match.

Takanashi does manage to catch his opponent with a victory roll out of nowhere, but, instead of holding on to the move for the three count, Masa lets it go and takes advantage of the position that Dino is in to drop a knee into his crotch. Takanashi tries to follow up with a superkick, but Dino blocks the move and kicks him low. His next move is a version of the shining wizard which sees him driving his crotch into his opponent’s face. Dino starts to set up for the Dino Driver, but Takanashi heads over to the corner and grabs a leather strap, catching Dino over the head with it and then laying in several lashes to his back. I have a feeling he enjoys that more than you think, Masa. The referee is inadvertently whipped in a comedy spot, which allows Dino to hit a DDT for two and two for DDT. His next trick is a pair of brainbusters, which oddly involved no sexual innuendo whatsoever. Takanashi tries to mount a comeback with strikes, but Dino no-sells them and plants his man with a right hand and a third brainbuster. As Takanashi lays prone on the mat, the lights go out and a still picture of Takanashi appears on the video screen. A voiceover plays as well, and apparent its contents are funny, because the crowd is laughing. Whatever was said, it fills Takanashi with FIGHTING SPIRIT, as he cribs Hulk Hogan’s comeback for a while before Dino gives him a backdrop driver. Danshoku sets up for the Dino Driver after that, but Takanashi blocks it and bulls Dino back into the corner. Unfortunately for the referee, he was in between Dino and the turnbuckles and gets sandwiched.

With the ref down, Masa hits a Code Green but nobody is there to count the fall. He attempts to revive the official, and, as he does so, Dino puckers up. He winds up kissing the referee as Takanashi dodges that bullet. More tomfoolery from Takanashi sees him direct Dino’s buttocks into the ref’ss face, and the zebra sells it like he’s comatose. Immediately thereafter, Dino does plant a big kiss on Masa, who briefly sells it as though he’s in a sleeper hold. Eventually he fires back, though, catching his opponent with an enzugiri. Both wrestlers and the referee are down, and the two competitors slowly climb to their knees. They wind up trading slaps from that position, after which the lights go out again, this time for an inspirational video of the referee. This revives him, much as it did Takanashi earlier. He’s immediately decked by an errant blow from Dino and another from Takanashi, but he no sells both and starts to have some kind of spasm. He also no sells a belt shot from the two men, after which he points at the wrestlers and yells “YOU!” followed by “FIGHT!”

Dino and Takanashi oblige, as Masa rolls under a clothesline and spews come kind of beverage into his opponent’s face. Takanashi again collides with the referee after that, and damage is done to the ref’s arm. That prevents him from counting three on a Takanashi rollup, and the distraction sets up the Danshoku Driver. For those keeping score at home, that’s a piledriver which Dino executes with his opponent’s head stuffed into his tights. He pulls Takanashi up and teases hitting the move again before changing his mind and turning it into his own version of the CANADIAN DESTROYER~! Naturally, the Danshoku Destroyer ends the match and allows Dino to add several title belts to his collection.

Match Thoughts: As I believe that I’ve mentioned before, Dino’s gimmick makes me a little bit uncomfortable, as, at least if it were being presented to an American audience, it would seem that it plays into the old, unfounded stereotype that all gay men are ridiculously oversexed and ready to leap into bed with anything that moves. However, I’m not exactly an expert on Japanese culture, so I can’t say whether Dino is playing into a similar stereotype that exists within that country’s prejudices or whether he’s just meant to be a harmless little comedy character. Regardless, if you set aside any aspects of Dino’s character which put you ill at ease and accept just for the sake of argument that there HAS to be a character like this in DDT, this match was probably one of the better examples that I’ve ever seen of integrating the gimmick into a professional wrestling match. There were some repeated spots from other Dino bouts, but I’m fine with those since this was a significantly larger crowd than what DDT had worked in front of before, so chances are good that they were new to most. However, the only problem is, if you watch this bout and then watch many more of his matches, the schtick will probably start to wear thin pretty quickly. ***

Match Numero Cinco: Sanshiro Takagi vs. The Great Sasuke in a Weapons Battle Royale

The rules here are simple but unique: DDT founder Sanshiro Takagi and indy veteran the Great Sasuke are having a singles match against one another, and, at regular intervals throughout the match, a buzzer will sound and a new weapon of some sort will be introduced into the bout. It’s essentially a Royal Rumble, but, instead of new wrestlers entering the ring on a regular basis, new implements of torture enter the ring on a regular basis. Oh, and for whatever reason, Sasuke has decided to dress as Randy “The Ram” Robinson from The Wrestler for this match, complete with a direct copy of the Ram’s tights and golden streamers coming off of the back of his mask to emulate the fictional grappler’s blond mane.

Your garden variety lockups and armringers open the match, and we’re not even ten seconds in before the buzzer sounds and our first weapon enters. It is a metal pot of some sort. Sasuke runs down the aisle to meet the stagehand who carries the weapon in, at which point we learn that the pot is actually full of hot soup. Members of the ring crew place a tarp across the canvas, and Sasuke throws ladles full of soup at Takagi, who sells being burned. The buzzer sounds again, and our next weapon is a garbage can full of crap, including a barbed wire baseball bat, a plunger, butterfly nets, and a Winnie the Pooh doll. The wrestlers have difficulty trying to get to the plundah, though, as the ring is still wet from the soup and they both slip in it. Takagi is the first man to get to the can, and he chooses to pick up the plunger. Yes, he chose that over a barbed wire baseball bat. The plunger gets stuck to Sasuke’s pecs a couple of times, after which Sanshiro plunges his opponent’s head. A computer keyboard gets cracked over Sasuke’s noggin as well, after which a bicycle gets wheeled down to the ring as the next weapon. Naturally, Randy the Ram Sasuke rides the bike down to the ring and does a couple of laps on the floor, completely ignoring the fact that there’s a match going on. Takagi gets an idea, laying in wait with the barbed wire bat and nailing Sasuke in the chest with it as he rounds a corner. That sets off the buzzer again, and the next weapon is . . . a dominatrix? Yes, a leather-clad woman with a whip hits the ring and begins flailing away at both men until it’s time for the next weapon to coe out. Before it gets there, a pre-taped promo from Sasuke is played on the big screen, and it convinces the crowd to direct some sort of insulting chant towards Takagi. I guess that counts as a weapon.

The next inanimate object to make its appearance is the Great Sasuke’s old nemesis: A CELL PHONE CAMERA~! This is an inside joke based on a news story from earlier this year in which Sasuke attacked a fan who began taking pictures of him unmasked on a train. Takagi grabs the phone and begins snapping pics of the Michinoku Pro founder, with Sasuke eventually flipping out and breaking the phone over his knee before taking Sanshiro down and laying in some shots. Another woman is the next “weapon” in the match, though she comes sans whip and eight inch heels. Sasuke holds Takagi for the woman to slap, after which he puts him in a small package for a two count. Sasuke and his new friend each grab one of Takagi’s legs and do the old “make a wish” spot, which serves as the setup for a moonsault from the young lady. SHE goes for a cover after that, but it only gets two. Sasuke raises her arm anyway, and the next weapon that appears is a kendo stick. It also comes attached to a woman, and she cracks Sasuke a few times, all the while with the world’s biggest grin on her face. When she’s done, Takagi hits his opponent with the Pooh Bear from earlier in the match, just in time for a large wooden barrel to be introduced into the ring. It’s on like Donkey Kong. Takagi slams his man into the barrel a few times, after which he is given a taste of his own medicine. Eventually Sasuke lays Takagi’s back across the barrel, then going up to the top rope . . . AND HE MISSES A SENTON ATOMICO! Sasuke landed flat-backed on to the top of the barrel, which did not give AT ALL. Insane. That gets Takagi a two count, as does a follow-up bodyslam. Another keyboard shot results in another nearfall for the man who put DDT on the mat, after which a metal cabinet is wheeled down to the ring. Takagi opens the doors of the cabinet, and he is surprised to find MUMMIES inside. One is indy stalwart Mecha Mummy, and I believe that the other is wrestler Yoshiaki Yago wrapped in toilet paper. The mummies beat down Takagi for a while, giving Sasuke time to recover from the barrel bump. The metal cabinet has also been placed into the ring at this point, which I notice just as Takagi mounts his comeback against the mummies and tosses them out of the ring. With his undead enemies dispatched, Takagi gets a unique idea. He places the barrel upside down over his own head and charges into Sasuke, doing some damage to him. Not to be outdone, Sasuke puts a garbage can over his head, and the two ram into each other until both full down. Sasuke gets the better of it, as he incapacitates Sanshiro to the point that he can ascend the ropes for the RAM JAM~! It misses, setting up a Takagi powerbomb attempt. Sasuke slips out, but he runs straight into a lariat from his opponent, which is a prelude to a Death Valley Driver. It is Takagi’s turn to climb the ropes at this point, but he’s cut off by Sasuke and given a superplex. That’s a two count.

Sasuke ups the ante after that, as he begins to play around the metal cabinet, putting it into position near the ropes and then standing up the barrel in the corner. Takagi is laid on top of the cabinet, after which Sasuke puts the barrel over the top of his head and climbs to the second rope. What he doesn’t see is that Takagi easily moves out of the way. Sasuke attempts the senton atomico from the second rope with the barrel over his head, but he can’t rotate all the way and lands head-and-barrel first on the filing cabinet. Takagi gives his man a stunner after removes himself from the receptacle, and then he sits Sasuke in the corner before placing the barrel up against his crotch. After that, Sanshiro stands up the cabinet, climbs it, and gives the barrel a coast-to-coast dropkick from the top of the furniture. That sends the barrel in to Sasuke’s family jewels, which is enough to set up a powerbomb onto the cabinet to give Takagi a victory.

Match Thoughts: This was wild. By and large, my interpretation of this match is that it was meant to be a parody of regular deathmatches, with the “weapons” brought out usually being ridiculously over the top, i.e. the bicycle or the cabinet full of mummies. In that regard, it provided a ton of laughs, because you never knew what was going to come out next, and the absurdity of the items gradually built throughout the match. However, juxtaposed with the comedy was the fact that these guys – especially Sasuke – were actually doing spots that looked like they inflicted more damage than moves in a garden variety hardcore match. The bumps that Sasuke took involving the barrel were insane and no doubt left him walking funny for a few days. They could easily have “parodied” deathmatches without involving actual dangerous spots, and part of me wonders why they bothered to given how well the “safer” portions of the match played out. However, the hardcore stuff and the dangerous bumps did provide for some moments that legitimately left me cringing and yelling things at my television, which I’ve not done in quite some time while matching a match of this nature. In that way, it absolutely worked, regardless of whether it was necessary to putting on the type of match that the wrestlers were after. ***3/4

Overall

I can’t really give “overall” thoughts at this point, because we’ve still got half of the card left to go! Be sure to head back to I2I next week, when I take a look at the top three matches from Ryogoku Peter Pan: Poison Sawada JULIE vs. Masahiro Chono, a three-way tag team match including Kenny Omega and TAKA Michinoku, and the main event of Kota Ibushi vs. HARASHIMA. We’ll see you in seven for all of that and much more!

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