wrestling / Columns

The Wrestling Sandwich 4.16.11: So Long Edge

April 16, 2011 | Posted by Wes Kirk

Steve Cook: Hi, hello & welcome to the Wrestling Sandwich! I’m Steve Cook alongside my tag team partner…dude, where’s the mask?

BS: Honestly, I no longer need it Steve! You see, I used the name to stand out and get to 411. Now that I’m officially a 411 staff member, I decided to take the advice of several comments from the peanut gallery and officially go by my name…

Oh, okay. Larry doesn’t accept gimmick names anymore. The man is tough but fair, and therefore you all get to see the man behind the mask: Wes Kirk at your service. I told you guys I wasn’t a celebrity or worker in the biz, I’m just a regular fan like all of you are. A fan with keys to 411’s Secret Velvet Sky Shrine! HAH!

SC: Well Wes, it’s nice to see you come out of your shell. Part of me wishes you’d kept that mask on, but I guess I’ll survive.

Wes:

Steve’s Take

The sports entertainment world was rocked by the retirement of one of WWE’s biggest stars this Monday on Raw. Edge came out on the show and announced that he would have to retire due to spinal stenosis that was diagnosed by his doctors. It’s kind of tough to take wrestling retirements seriously because everybody retires and then comes back a few weeks early, but it seems that Edge is serious about it. We thought it would be appropriate for us to review Edge’s career and look towards SmackDown’s future without the Rated R Superstar.

I remember when Edge broke into the WWF almost like it was yesterday. He started out in a feud with fellow newcomer Gangrel, who the announcers said had previous issues with Edge. I’m pretty sure they never explained what those were. Anyway, it wasn’t long before Edge, Gangrel & Edge’s “brother” Christian joined up and became the Brood. They were a cool group that had a really cool entrance, so it was tough not to like them.

Edge & Christian became one of the greatest tag teams in WWF history. They were part of a golden age of tag team wrestling alongside the Dudley & Hardy Boyz, often winning the biggest matches and coming off as the biggest stars. They became quality comedic heels, often having hilarious backstage segments with the likes of Mick Foley & Kurt Angle. You could see that they would be big stars someday, and Edge would probably get the first shot because he was a little bit taller and a little bit more charismatic. After a feud with Christian, some Intercontinental Title reigns & the big brand split, Edge went to SmackDown and became part of the SmackDown Six era. He teamed with Rey Mysterio and was part of great matches with Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit & Los Guerreros almost every week.

It seemed that Edge was on the verge of big things until he broke his neck in early 2003 and needed spinal fusion surgery. Upon his return they tried to push him as a top face on Raw, but it didn’t really take. He was a little slower due to ring rust, and a little bigger due to performance enhancers, and people were slow to accept him as a top baby face. So, he went the opposite direction. He turned heel, and that seemed to get over a little bit better. He won the 1st Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania 21, and waited for the right moment to become champion.

Edge finally broke into the main event scene for good in the strangest of ways. Love does mysterious things to people. It drove Edge & Lita to cheat on their respective partners. It drove Matt Hardy to get himself fired by WWE. Eventually Edge & Matt would do business with each other in a critically-acclaimed feud, and it helped get Edge up to that level that he had worked so hard to get to. Matt didn’t have the same luck, but that’s another story for another time. After Edge recovered from an injury (he did this a lot), he cashed in his Money in the Bank and became WWE Champion for the first time at the 2006 edition of New Year’s Revolution. The Rated R Superstar was cemented as a main eventer. His feud with John Cena did pretty good business for Raw. After his run with Lita was over, he joined up with Vickie Guerrero on Smackdown and became one of the top stars on that brand. He feuded with Undertaker, even going on last at WrestleMania 24 opposite the Deadman. You know who won that match. He got switched back to Raw last year and lost momentum, but gained it back once he moved back to the Blue Brand and began winning titles again.

One thing I think Edge’s character did better than anybody else in the last several years was make the championships seem important. The Ultimate Opportunist’s plans always revolved around the WWE or the World Championship depending on which title was on his show at the time. Even something silly like the stuff with Kane & Paul Bearer was a plan to get Kane psyched out and lose control so it’d be easier for Edge to win the World title. The alliances that Edge formed with people through the years were always a means to the end of either winning a title or keeping it in his possession. He went so far as to hook up with Vickie Guerrero before she lost a bunch of weight because she was the General Manager of SmackDown and was willing to make rulings that would benefit his cause. Being the number one man on his brand meant everything to Edge, and he would do anything to remain in control.

The one major drawback in Edge’s career was injuries. After his neck surgery in 2003 led to him being out for almost a year, it seemed like he was on the shelf with one ailment or another fairly often. He tore a pec in 2005 & 2007, took a few months off in 2008 to recover from wear & tear, and tore his Achilles’ tendon in 2009. It seemed that Edge was definitely ready to leave this aspect of wrestling behind, as he often talked in interviews of retiring when his contract expired in 2012. Apparently he’s saved his money and is ready to retire to North Carolina.

I dunno, maybe he’s a Tar Heel fan or something.

The question now that Edge has gone into retirement is what happens to SmackDown. It seems that the solution in the short-term will be to bump Christian up into Edge’s place and continue his feud with Alberto Del Rio. I would be surprised if ADR didn’t come out on top and assume the throne as many thought he would at WrestleMania…we could get a Christian title win for a feel-good moment, but I think they might want to have him (or somebody else) chasing Del Rio.

With Edge gone, SD’s top baby face that wrestles on a regular basis is Rey Mysterio. I wouldn’t expect him to move up into the World title scene right now, as he’s already had a feud with Del Rio and seems occupied with Cody Rhodes right now. I think it would behoove WWE to keep Rey with Cody and keep that storyline on course. The next guys on the totem pole are Big Show & Kane, who are both perennial World Title threats. I wouldn’t be surprised to see one or both of them in the main event scene within the next couple of months. Below them…I would guess that Kofi Kingston would be next unless I’m forgetting somebody. Kofi would be an interesting way to go, but I don’t know if management is high enough on him to give him the big push.

As for some outside choices? There’s always the chance they can move somebody over from Raw. If John Morrison wasn’t in the doghouse I’d say he’d have a pretty good shot at it. Randy Orton might be a good choice too if he’s not too busy with the New Nexus. Maybe they could switch a SD heel to the face side. How about Drew McIntyre? He was starting to gain some support with the crowd before his storyline with Kelly Kelly dropped off the face of the earth. There’s also that Undertaker guy if they don’t trust anybody else.

It all comes down to whether WWE thinks Christian is a top guy or not. Some are convinced that they won’t push him that high. I don’t know about that…they did have Jack Swagger as World Champion at this time last year. If they were willing to give him a chance as the champion, why not Christian as a top baby face? The one thing they need to avoid doing is making him too much like Edge. Remember when Rey got the big push after Eddie died and he adopted most of Eddie’s mannerisms? Not good. Christian needs to be Captain Charisma, the Peep Master, the Instant Classic. He got the chance to be a top guy in TNA, and did a damn good job at it. I think he’ll do the same here if given the opportunity.

Wes’s Take: At age 37, Adam Copeland achieved more in his work than most people his age. WWE honors include European Champion, Tag Team Champion, Intercontinental Champion, World Champion, WWE Champion, Royal Rumble winner, and King of the Ring tournament winner. The man who has held more titles than anybody else in the company wrote a new chapter in his life when he was forced to retire due to spinal stenosis and the high probability if he kept wrestling, he would be paralyzed. With that, one of the greatest performers in the last thirteen years went on RAW and shocked the world with news of his impending retirement, and sent Twitter into a frenzy about what was going on, was this an angle, and reaction from the other wrestlers. It became clear very early on that this was no angle, but the unfortunate truth of the wrestling business that sometimes you get hurt so badly you are finished way before your time.

Monday night was painful for me to get through after watching Edge discussing his situation and then RAW going to commercial. I’d seen the guy compete in some of the best matches ever as a singles and tag team competitor and watched him grow from “the tortured soul” to the Ultimate Opportunist. One of the greatest moments in his career was when he stepped out of New Years Revolution in 2006 with the World Championship after pinning John Cena. Edge made believers out of people who claimed he’d be nothing but a midcarder, or a tag wrestler, and never hit the big time. People believed, no matter what WWE did to keep Cena on top and Edge losing against SuperCena in nearly every major match.

Some interesting statistics about Edge during his career: He won tag team gold with Christian, Randy Orton, Hulk Hogan, and Rey Mysterio – wrestlers spanning from Rock ‘n Wrestling to Attitude to now. Edge was instrumental in the Money in the Bank for five years: He won 2005, he cost Cena the gold in 2006 during the cash-in by RVD, he stole Kennedy’s shot in 2007, he lost the belt to a cashing in CM Punk in 2008, and it was Jeff Hardy who had beaten him before CM Punk cashed in again in 2009. Hell, even in 2010 Jack Swagger smacked him from behind with the briefcase before cashing it in against Jericho. Edge’s main event run resulted from his success working with Matt Hardy after a real life love triangle developed between them and Lita, and although Matt had the opportunity to become a main eventer, Edge did so well as the heel he earned main event status. Edge is one of very few men not to jump ship during his tenure in the WWE, having never wrestled in WCW or TNA. He, along with Christian, helped define the TLC wars between themselves, The Hardy Boys, and the Dudleyz and set new boundaries in a new match concept. As of Monday morning, he was the only man active in WWE who had won both KOTR and Royal Rumble specialty matches as well as the World, WWE, IC, US, and Tag Team championships.

Although those of us with the benefit of flash photography will find new individuals to pose for our cameras, we will forever miss one of the greatest talents WWE ever had. From his early days as a Brood member to the goofy and unforgettable E&C Dynasty to the perpetually angry heel to the Rated R Superstar and finally the Ultimate Opportunist, Edge has delivered in thousands of matches. As he noted in his farewell address on RAW, Edge decided to retire now rather than end up in a wheelchair and be unable to ever wrestle or do any physical activity again. A picture is worth a thousand words, but Edge’s career will forever defy literary attempts to define it.

Thank You Edge.

Steve’s Smartest Thing of the Week: Edge Taking Advice From Doctors

The old school mentality of a professional wrestler is to ignore whatever the doctors say, and keep wrestling until you’re either in a wheelchair, mentally or physically incapable of doing anything else, or six feet under. Case in point: Hulk Hogan’s tweets about how wrestlers work hurt and how Edge is a lifer and still wants to wrestle and blah blah blah. An interesting perspective from a guy who would have gotten out of the business twenty years ago if his acting career wasn’t dead on arrival. Hogan was correct when he said that it’ll be interesting to see what Edge does next, but I don’t think Edge is going to be looking for another wrestling gig with a company down south that‘s a bit more lenient about letting people in their ring.. It was an easy choice for Edge to make since he’s been talking about retiring for at least the last couple of years, and it was the smart choice. There’s no guarantee that the next wrestling bump he took would have left him paralyzed or worse, but the chance was greater than it would be for most. Could you imagine what would have happened if this all went undetected and he had that ladder match with Alberto Del Rio at Extreme Rules? Luckily we don’t have to worry about that.

Wes’s Dumbest Thing of the Week: Pampered Enough? The Ongoing Saga of Delegitimizing Tough Enough

We all know WWE scripts just about everything to the last detail, but this recent relaunch of Tough Enough has shown that they really could care less if people see them pamper contestants for various reasons. Rima Fakih doesn’t need special treatment, she’ll end up with a WWE contract regardless, but we’ve seen her in two episodes thus far be allowed to cheat during an exercise and then be twenty minutes late to training. Although Austin talked tough, he let her off easy. Rima has committed infractions twice, yet Matt Cross goes home because he doesn’t have enough of a personality? Obviously its rigged and the blatant pampering of Rima, along with the hiring of Ariana who was cut first day and spent time tweeting about how she got what she wanted, is making the winning position worthless when they just hire everybody they want anyway.

Always Down on Dixie: TNA As Competition

A lot of you in the comments section enjoy throwing the term “troll” at me, as if somehow my only point to exist is defending TNA. Perhaps you think I defend TNA because I get paid to, but sadly I do not. You may also think I do it to get a reaction out of people. But I do it for a different reason and something anybody who owns a business knows all too well: The goodness of competition.

Let me tell you all a story about what I had to deal with in terms of competition, changing the names of the guilty as well as the innocent. The only game in town when it came to cable was Umbrella Corp, outside a few smaller cable companies and of course, satellite dishes. Umbrella charged high fees and often provided lackadaisical service at best, but they got away with it because nobody really dealt them any challenge. We thought that they needed some competition, but what happened next was the only other challengers all went bankrupt and Umbrella had a monopoly in several towns.

We all thought it couldn’t possibly get worse, but it did. The rates increased, the quality of service decreased. Customer service wait times passed 30 minutes on average, and they were consistently ranked worst company in customer satisfaction in my area. There were nights the television claimed that the station was off air, when it worked on another TV. They had phone service that was lousy and high priced, and they also had a very shitty internet that was mildly better than dial-up modems. So, to say the least, it looked like we were in for a long and miserable few years.

Enter Alice Inc. Alice employees headed into town to let us know they’d be moving in. We were given much lower rates if we switched, bonuses, deals, and they also gave us a higher quality service. The first day the man came to my house, I signed up immediately and told him I couldn’t wait to ditch the bastards at Umbrella. True to their word, they showed up on time and installed their new service. I had blazing fast Internet, reliable phone, and a television that has never worked better with more channels for less money. I’ve rarely required customer service, and received good to exceptional care each time I did. Umbrella lost tons of customers, and sent out notices promising price cuts if they returned, which they did not. We had a choice, and we made it. Now, Umbrella has to run through hoops to keep their service from going bankrupt, and the rest of us are happy with our new and reliable Alice Inc service.

Most of you will note the importance of “nine and a half million” – it was a quote by D-Lo Brown on the number of people who quit watching wrestling on Monday nights after Vince bought out WCW. World Wrestling Insanity’s excellent book discussed the situation in-depth in “World Wrestling Insanity: The Decline and Fall Of A Family Empire” by James Guttman. The quote discussed how in 2000, around twelve million on average watched Nitro and RAW. However, five years later, the number was down to around two and a half million. That isn’t exactly correct.

When WWE was in competition with WCW, Monday night was dominated not by Monday Night Football but by WWF Raw and WCW Nitro. They did manage over 10 million viewers between the shows, but the massive decline D-Lo noted really occurred from 2001 to early 2011 before the return of the Rock. Ten to twelve million viewers turned into an average of around four and a half million viewers.

You probably ask why this is important. The answer is competition! When McMahon was FORCED to put out a quality product to survive, he did. Wrestlers had a choice which company they would work for, and the better they were at their job the better the offers were from either company. If WWF fired you, you went to WCW, and vice versa. There was no “my way or the highway” approach, it had to be a team effort. During those years the wrestling business defeated football, was well known in the mainstream, and even received positive attention for a change. With no competition, we’re down to Michael Cole wrestling Jerry Lawler and “American Idol” style auditions at WrestleMania backstage.

TNA NEEDS to exist. It was not an accident that more people watched wrestling on Jan 4, 2010 than they had in many years since – the day TNA and WWE went head to head. TNA scored its highest hourly rating of a 1.7, despite losing the ratings war. TNA won’t win a ratings war yet, their network isn’t in enough homes to make it to that point and they need much better marketing. But without a viable competitor, Vince McMahon could literally sit in the middle of the ring and tell fairy tales for two hours on RAW and wrestling fans wouldn’t have an option. TNA gives fans the opportunity to say “Sorry, this segment blows!” and switch the channel. Right now TNA is in no position to go head to head live, but as long as we support them, they will eventually be able to do so and force the best wrestling to be produced between the two companies.

You think TNA has no impact? In 2005, heads turned when Christian joined TNA. 2006 it was Kurt Angle. 2007 showed Booker T. 2008 was Mick Foley. 2009 TNA earned none other than Hulk Hogan himself, and in 2010 just about everybody showed up! These superstars weren’t as watched as in their WWE years, but they were paid well and given a lighter schedule. Do you know how many WWE shows were cancelled in the past two years? ECW, WWE NXT, WWE Superstars. Do you know how many TNA shows were cancelled? TNA Reaction, which mostly never had matches outside of an over-run from Impact. When Vince has to up his game, he is at his best. When Vince has no competition, creative is allowed to slack off.

Supporting TNA will lead to a better network, a better management style, better marketing, and then head to head action vs WWE. It is that, or TNA will die. And if TNA dies, and nobody else steps up, wrestling fans will remember back in the good ol’ days when Lawler vs Cole was the worst match on the card. Wrestling needs competition like any other business needs competition, no matter what Vince demands we call his company. Before you blindly bash TNA, remember what good competition can do for everybody. When businesses compete for customers, we end up becoming the winners! So even if you have hatred for TNA’s booking, remember that if TNA goes WWE can quite literally put anything on television without fear of losing their core base.

Oh, and on a related note: Victory Road’s main event was a joke. TNA contacted their customers and said if you send in proof of purchase, they’ll give you six months free of their on demand service with over 300 hours of wrestling. If TNA is gone, and WWE puts on a hot steaming pile of drudge like they did on April 3rd, do you REALLY think you’ll get treated in that manner? If you can’t learn to love TNA, learn to live with it.

By Steve Cook

It’s been a very rough week for fans of independent wrestling. With the passing of Larry Sweeney, a Cincinnati-area indy wrestler testing positive for HIV & Matt Cross being told he isn’t tough enough, there hasn’t been a whole lot for fans of non-mainstream wrestling to get excited about.

We need a pick-me-up.

We need Dragon Dragon.

Dragon Dragon was born in Dragon’s Lair, Arkansas approximately thirty years ago. He was a huge wrestling fan growing up, watching every single show he could get on Daddy Dragon’s antenna. There was the CWA, the NWA, Continental, World Class, Mid-South, & the WWF. Dragon’s favorite wrestler? Pretty obvious, right?

When Little Dragon saw Ricky Steamboat & his pet dragon, he knew what he wanted to be when he grew up. He went to school, graduated and all that, but he had no intention of going to college or getting a real job. No, Dragon Dragon was going to be a professional wrestler. There was one problem, though. Nobody in the area was willing to train him. They had a bias against training non-humans to be wrestlers. Dragon wasn’t used to this type of persecution, as everybody in his school had been very nice to him. They were afraid that he would eat them. After all, he was the only dragon in the school. The main problem he faced in school was getting a date. Girls were afraid that if he took them out for dinner, he would make them the main course. It’s an understandable fear.

Anyway, Dragon looked far & wide to find a wrestling school that would train him. Everywhere he went, he was turned away because he wasn’t a human being. Dragon became very depressed and began to think that he would never find a school that would allow him to live his dream. That is, until he discovered the CHIKARA Wrestling Academy. CHIKARA prided themselves on allowing all walks of life to compete for their promotion. Men, women, farm animals, time travelers, ice cream cones…everybody was welcome to compete with CHIKARA. Dragon had found his home.

He began training under Mike Quackenbush & Chris Hero. It was a slow learning process for Dragon. His tallness made it tough for the other trainees to work with him. Sometimes he’d bump his head against the ceiling of the small buildings CHIKARA ran. Sometimes they’d tie toilet paper to his tail, or set his nose on fire, or try to knock his head off with vicious chops.

Dragon persevered, and made his wrestling debut on November 13, 2005 at CHIKARA’s “Running In The Red” event. He teamed with Lance Steel, Lance Steel & Angel de Fuego in a losing effort against Dr. Cheung, Hydra, Icarus & UltraMantis Black. Mantis had become something of a mentor to Dragon, as a fellow non-human trying to make it in the wrestling business. He was part of the winning team on the next two shows, teaming with the Lance Steels one night, and with Equinox & a Lance Steel on the next night.

The CHIKARA season was over, so Dragon continued his training and re-emerged for the Tag World Grand Priz 2006 alongside Retail Dragon. The team of Triple Dragon didn’t make it out of the first round, but they were part of the winning team in a ten-man tag the next night. Dragon appeared on shows from March to June, but word of his CHIKARA work had gotten out to other promoters that saw big things in a wrestling dragon.

Dragon signed a contract with the Madagascar Wrestling Federation in the middle of 2006, and moved to the island country just off the coast of Africa. He’s been very successful in the MWF, winning several tag team titles alongside Somalian Joe and having classic matches in the Y Division with Billy Jerk Hanes, Haywood Jablome & The Unicorn Fondler. He made trips home to CHIKARA in 2007 & 2008, but hasn’t been seen state-side since then. From all accounts, he seems very happy with his choice to sign with the MWF and work his magic in the two-sided ring.

Will Dragon Dragon ever return to America? We can only hope, for the MWF does not sell their tapes outside of the county, and anybody there that tries to upload videos onto YouTube is taken out by The Black Hand.

“Outlaw” Ron Bass

SC: I gotta admit, Outlaw was a little bit before my time, and he’s not a guy that WWE’s released a lot of footage of over the years. I do have YouTube, so I entered in “Outlaw Ron Bass” and clicked on a few videos.

Here’s a squash match with him & Lanny Poffo:

The interesting thing about this one is he uses an early version of the Pedigree, minus the double underhook. I didn’t know that’s where Triple H got his finish from.

Bass’s biggest WWF feud was against Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. Here’s something that you might have heard about before:

Basically, Bass sliced Beefcake’s head open with a spur. Bass explained the attack with the following promo:

That red x didn’t do a very good job of covering up the attack, did it? We then got a hair vs. hair match on Saturday Night’s Main Event. Spoiler Alert: Brutus was never bald during his time with the WWF.

I think the best part of the match was the haircut & Vince & Jesse making all sorts of outdated 80s references during it. Bass’s facial features remind me of the Bastion Booger look, which may explain why he didn’t stay around long after this.

So after watching all of this, it seems that Ron Bass was your typical big ornery Texan. Kind of a poor man’s Stan Hansen. I guess that can come in handy if you don’t have Stan Hansen at your disposal. I do like his mustache, but I’m not really seeing anything that makes him stand out from the 983 other big ornery Texas heels from this time period. I hope that Wes has some very fine things to say about this man.

Wes: Gee, thanks Steve. Sometimes being a rookie just means doing all the work!

One of the most interesting things about Ron Bass was the fact he was the very first man to use a version of the Pedigree on American television. Bass’ “Texas Gourdbuster” was basically the Pedigree with no double underhook as Steve mentioned and a push downward on the back while driving the face into the mat. The announcers generally put the move over as a version of a piledriver. This was also the first maneuver in wrestling I attempted, on a kid who was hitting on one of my two girlfriends in fifth grade. Yes, I was luckier back then! The hold looked brutal enough and got over with the fans to an extent, although Bass never stuck around the WWF long enough to really make it.

Bass was able to cut some good to very good promos, in addition to his rough brawler style in the ring. Bret and Bart, his spurs, were named after the brothers in the show Maverick, a favorite among Southerners. As you’d expect, Bass was a bigger name in the South than the New York style favored by Vince McMahon. Bass also was competing in the last phase of his career, as in 1987 he signed with the WWF when he’d been competing since 1975.

His territory accomplishments included an AJPW tag title reign with Stan Hansen, Georgia Championship Wrestling’s NWA National Heavyweight Championship, NWA Southern Heavyweight Champion, NWA Brass Knuckles Championship, Central States Wrestling tag team champion, and even NWA Florida Tag Team Titles with Barry Windham. In fact, most of Bass’ titles and accolades were accomplished before his WWF run ever started. He was ranked #294 out of 500 in the PWI Years that was conducted in 2003, and to this day Ron does have a few matches in the independents. Steve already covered his main accomplishments in the WWF, the Beefcake feud and his assault on Junkyard Dog followed by the Miss Betsy chokeout of JYD. And all that over who was going to move in the aisle so the other could walk by!

Ron Bass never set the wrestling world on fire, although quite honestly the majority of the audience never saw him in his prime. He’d retire in 1991 due to injury accumulations, although he’s made a few appearances just a couple of years back in 2009 for a few companies. In 2007, he teamed with Larry Zbyszko to defeat the US Express of Windham and Rotunda during WrestleReunion. Bass was also featured in a segment on WWE.COM in 2007, and that same year he had his own action figure released in the classics collection. I found him interesting and enjoyed his performances in the ring, but one would have to wonder if he was born a few years later in life whether or not he’d have been able to go toe to toe with Hulk Hogan in the late 80’s or not.

Take 5

Wes’s Wrestler To Watch: Mr. Anderson

TNA’s resident asshole has been battling through obstacle after obstacle for his TNA title rematch. After having several number one contender matches, Bischoff and Hogan put Anderson and RVD together in a triple threat steel cage match for the gold, and Hogan put Anderson through hell in a Gauntlet Match that saw Anderson pin three men, including the TV Champion Gunner, before Bully Ray blindsided the referee and attacked him along with Hulk Hogan. Sting made the save, although he made it clear as well he didn’t do it out of friendship. Anderson has one saving grace coming into Lockdown, however, as he is the only man with millions of assholes! Oh, I hope Orlando Jordan didn’t read that.

Steve’s Wrestler To Watch For: Christian

With the Rated R Superstar heading into retirement, it seems like the right time for his best friend of twenty-seven years (That’s longer than I’ve been alive, and about half of Wes’s life span) to step into the World title picture. Christian has been receiving a strong push as of late, and his status as Edge’s good buddy can only help his popularity with the WWE Universe. He’s always been popular with the Internet fan base, but it seemed for a long time that he would never get that big push from WWE management. Is now that time? It’s something to watch for, that’s for sure.

Wes: Ouch! Steve likes his shots like his gas, his liquor, and his women: Cheap!

Steve’s Tag Team To Watch For: R-Truth & Johnny Curtis

When Curtis won NXT Season 4 back on March 1, he won a Tag Team title shot alongside his NXT Pro, R-Truth. Afterwards, Curtis dropped off the face of the Earth while fellow NXT Finalist Brodus Clay ended up appearing on Raw & Smackdown alongside Alberto Del Rio. Meanwhile, R-Truth will be appearing in the WWE title match at Extreme Rules. Obviously he’s put his tag team title dreams on hold to pursue the WWE championship.

But don’t you worry, Johnny Curtis fans. I’m sure that WWE remembers that Curtis exists, and he’ll be challenging the Corre for those tag straps real soon! Yeah!

Seriously, is he injured or something? I’m going to feel bad mocking this situation if he’s on the shelf with a busted leg. Did he fail a Wellness test? Somebody get Stephen Randle on this, inquiring minds want to know!

Wes’s Diva To Watch: Brie Bella

Brie won her first Divas Championship on RAW, even though Twin Magic was partially thwarted by having the referee mark a black X on her hand to figure out which twin is which. Of course, Nikki could always have marked her hand too and still pulled it off. However, after months of being barely there guest host/star arm candy, the Bellas now control the top women’s title in the WWE.

Wes’s Authority Figure To Watch: Hulk Hogan

While surgeries kept Hogan away for some months, he’s back and asserting his authority on TNA Impact. Hogan seems to be settling into the role of foil for Mr. Anderson by trying everything he can to hold him down from achieving his goal of recapturing the TNA Championship. It is nice, you know, when wrestlers actually care about their company’s title, right WWE? Hogan continues his attempts to destroy Anderson’s chances with the gauntlet match on Impact and left him lying until Sting made the save. What will Hogan do on Lockdown, or afterwards if RVD takes up his offer to join Immortal? Tune in to find out!

Steve’s Commentator To Watch For: Scott Stanford

When WWE Superstars got cancelled, the question on many peoples’ minds was what would become of the man who’s done commentary on the Raw matches for the past several months, Scott Stanford. Scott has impressed observers with his old-school approach to announcing, a solid voice, and a willingness to be the butt of CM Punk’s jokes back when the Punker was his announcing partner. He’s recently appeared on Raw doing Randy Orton interview duty, which is a good thing and a bad thing. It’s a good way to get on Raw, but with Randy Orton being Randy Orton, you can’t stay too close to the guy without getting RKOed or punted sooner or later. Scott does the weekend news reports on WNBC in New York and has been part of TV coverage for the Mets, Yankees & Giants. He totally carried the WrestleMania pre-game show with Jack Korpela, and I think if he sticks around long enough he’s got a solid future with WWE.

Haterade: Hater’s Gotta Hate, Here We Set ‘Em Straight!

“and the WWE defenders claimed it was the best one ever

Erm…who? Havent read or heard that anywhere.

Posted By: Guest#8554 (Guest) on April 09, 2011 at 12:25 AM”

Several comments posted in the Wrestlemania thread during April 3rd and Larry’s review boasted it was so.

“It was the same deal with Asteroid Boy, and he sucked.

Posted By: Guest#9560 (Guest) on April 09, 2011 at 12:58 AM”

Well then it isn’t the same. I don’t suck and I don’t write thirteen lines of text emphasizing my race 352 times before the end of the eighth line and call it a column.

“So Scorp gets his own little ‘ME’ corner to bitch about the bitches. Unconstructive feedback necessitates an even more unconstructive segment it seems. Couldn’t that space have been used for something else, like some more wrestling discussion for example? How about some pictures of Layla’s tits? This IS 411 after all…

Posted By: Over here (Guest) on April 09, 2011 at 07:02 AM”

LAYLA? Of all the chicks you could have picked, you picked LAYLA?!?! Velvet is the way to go. This segment is actually very constructive, it uses up bandwidth for the Haterade picture!

“Excellent column Cook, I fully agree with you about Matt Cross. In just one episode he’s become my favourite to win the whole thing, and I really hope he gets the contract.

It’s a shame the column’s still infested with the usual b.s. from B.S., get rid and find a better co-writer, like Sarah Palin.

Posted By: Finn (Guest) on April 09, 2011 at 12:22 PM”

Tuesday night, I have a feeling a television went through the Finn household’s window. And Sarah is a good co-writer, but not as good as I am. Why? Because she doesn’t have the time to watch wrestling, her full time job is beating down emasculated liberal men who call her four letter words as if it makes them big and bad.

“Wow. This is what it’s come to? Steve Cook is so weak as a writer that he needs an obvious troll to fill his column? That’s just sad. Oh well…

Posted By: Guest#6980 (Guest) on April 09, 2011 at 02:44 PM”

“You’re right, but this new co-columnist has been one of the single most childish participants in the sad lame little WWE vs TNA “war” that has turned the 411mania comment section into a septic wasteland.

Absolutely people can change, but right now readers are reacting based on what they know. That’s why there are so many negative comments. And the “trolling the readers” section doesn’t do much to show that any change has taken place and maybe we do actually have someone worth reading on here. Telling your readers that they don’t get it is akin to a mechanic telling you that your car’s engine doesn’t know how to be fixed. A column doesn’t exist without readers.

I don’t know, maybe it’s a “to each his own” type of thing. I worry about the long-term viability of a column with a perceived troll (who is doing nothing to change that notion), and a column that closes each week with attacks on the readership that come from the 1998 book of how to troll on the internet. I guess we’ll see. There’s definitely an idea here.

Posted By: Ugh (Guest) on April 09, 2011 at 03:16 PM”

A few points:
– I do not troll the readers, Ugh. I am responding to those who bothered to take the time out of their schedule to leave derogatory remarks about me, which is not the entire readership.
– Some of the readers get it, some simply wait for John Cena to show up on RAW so they can feel complete.
– Thank you, 1998 was one of the finest years in wrestling history!

“Many discussions of Hardy/Lohan, how they aren’t the same, celebrity status not mattering, etc”

I stand by my take on the issue, folks. Hardy has been in and out of court since September 2009 and has a plea bargain on the table. He will not spend time in jail. He will get off light, and I have no doubt about that. For those who question my knowledge of legal proceedings, let me just say that I have my sources and leave it at that.

And remember to:

Stephen Randle will have results of TNA Lockdown at The Wrestling News Experience

Randy Harrison has your Bell To Bell News Report

Sunny vs Sable headlines The Wrestling 5&1

A Hot Girl Photo Series Can Be Found Here

Mathew Sforcina answers your questions in Ask 411 Wrestling – I WILL bodyslam this guy some day, brother.

And that’s the end of…….

WAIT. WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

May I have your attention please? Oh wait, I already do.

When I heard that I’d be posting this column tonight, I was happy for two reasons. For one, I could finally get a few shots in on Steve, and the other? I’d been preparing my Hot Girl On Girl Action photos for the article when we decided to discontinue them. Being very similar to Steve, I kept them anyway and when the chance came up, I decided I’d post them. The reason is that this particular female deserves to be showcased after she was mistreated by TNA management and released from her contract way too early – I AM pro-TNA, but I also will not turn a blind eye to anything they do wrong. So, with that said, ladies and gentlemen: DAFFNEY!