wrestling / Columns
The Fink’s Payload 10.30.06: Single Brand Survivor Series Matches
Matt: Hello and welcome, although apparently I should have enough good will left over from this here ES that I could insult all your mothers and you’d still read me.
I won’t though.
Nick: I will. All of your mothers are whores. Especially yours, sir. You know who you are. And so does your mother. Read my shit! Paul R. Nelson wants you to read the News to Start Your Weekend. Also, since I often dislike the ideas people send in, you can respond to me directly by emailing me at [email protected]. I’ll respond to your qualms with my opinions on your ideas each week in the News to Start Your Weekend.
Matt: But enough of this heterosexual banter, onto the ideas for Survivor Series Style Matches, i.e. the main reason for the PPV’s existence, outside of screw jobs.
First man to head back to the locker room, is the non-stop party animal Mark Satrang, who decided to book an entire PPV.
I’m looking at maybe a three way 3 on 3 on 3 main event for Survivor Series with John Cena, Umaga and Jeff Hardy v. King Booker, Batista & Finlay v. Big Show, Test and Hardcore Holly, thus setting up mid-card feuds for the teams once the Series is over (you know…Umaga-Hardy, Finlay-Batista and Holly-Test).
I would then propose each brand allowed a four on four elimination match like days of old. For RAW, you have to go with the obvious Spirit Squad connection, as they are made for a match like this and could finally cause their break-up. I’d pair them up against The Highlanders and Cryme Tyme, allowing Cryme Tyme to win and get the Tag belts.
For SmackDown!, I would call it the “Champions Showcase” in a match booked by Teddy Long to show off the SD! mid-card. One side would be US Champion Chris Benoit, Tag Champions Kendrick & London and then Matt Hardy and pair them off against Cruiserweight Champion Gregory Helms, Chavo Guerrero and Taylor and Regal. It continues all the current storylines on SD! and starts Benoit-Chavo.
For ECW it would be Originals v. New Breed in a hype for their PPV the next weekend. RVD, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer and Sandman v. Matt Striker, Mike Knox, Rene Dupree and either Shannon Moore or Kevin Thorne.
Round out the rest of the RAW card with DX v. Orton and Edge and a six way contenders match with Ric Flair, Chris Masters, Johnny Nitro, Carlito, Super Crazy and Shelton Benjamin. For SD! I would put Undertaker and Mr. Kennedy together again and Lashley and Kane in a number one contenders match, leading Lashley to his Title shot at Armageddon. Heat would open with CM Punk against either Thorne or Moore, whoever isn’t on Striker’s team.
Matt: A damm fine card, if I say so myself. And I do. Although losing Taylor is a bit of a blow. Plus the lack of a Diva match, but that’s just my fandom coming out (although I half expect some sort of one fall large tag match of some sort).
Nick: Like some, dislike most. My immediate problem with it is having JEFF FUCKING HARDY in the main event. Just to keep my own sanity, I’ll make believe that was a joke. The SmackDown team is fine, but the ECW team also sucks. If it’s going to be the main event of the show, then put the big ECW stars in it – it’s dumb to sacrifice the big brand supremacy match in favor of the ECW only match. Very dumb and it doesn’t make any sense. Also, 2 of those mid card feuds are already in progress, so it doesn’t “set them up”.
I’m apathetic about the RAW 4-on-4 because I don’t give a shit about any of those guys, but I don’t actively hate them either. For SD, I would put Lashley in the SurSer match to replace Taylor, and let Kane’s appearance be during the Undertaker match, because you know there will be some sort of nefarious shenanigans taking place. Kane/Lashley seems rather out of place. RVD and Sabu should be in the RAW/SD/ECW match, and Balls and Punk can replace them in the ECW match. It doesn’t matter that Punk ain’t an original. Not only does he have the spirit of the Originals, as it were, but it would also be a crime against humanity if Shannon (or Thorne) and Knox are on the card and Punk isn’t. As far as the rest, ‘Taker/Kennedy seems inevitable and I don’t care about RAW, so whatever.
Matt: Next we have an air base in Italy (and hence treated with great respect), Erik Vandermark, and no jokes about the name people!
First I’m going to go on the assumption that the 3-brand match will happen, Cena and DX/Show, RVD, and Sabu, Booker, Batista, and Taker (To replace Rey, who is gone from Smackdown “forever”)
First a Survivor Series match for Raw…which is easy, you have the Spirit Squad, a team of 5 readily available, decent workers, who are already in a storyline against Flair and the Legends. So its simple, Spirit Squad loses the belts to Flair and his partner from Cyber Sunday, Spirit Squad get angry and challenge Flair, Piper, Dusty, Slaughter, and IRS. Give Team Legend the win and let the self-destruction of the Spirit Squad continue until Ken Doane can be free.
ECW’s is even easier, not much of a roster, and the three biggest stars are in the Main Event you have only a handful left, Sandman, Punk, Holly, and Dreamer on the face side, and Striker, Knox, Test, and Thorne on the heel side on since 3 out of 4 on each side are in a feud with someone on the other, its natural. This match will basically be CM Punk’s coming out party as he wins as the sole survivor on his team. Plus to make things more interesting, it’ll be contested under Extreme Rules.
The Smackdown side will take a little effort to put together, first we start with everyone favorite new Tag Team the Bluebloods who go on a tear through the tag division on Smackdown until they get their shot against London & Kendrick on Smackdown. It’s a hard fought match and it looks like The Hooliganz might actually give The Bluebloods their first loss until a young man runs in and attacks them behind the ref’s back. Bluebloods win the title and Regal takes the mic:
“Do any of you people know who our associate here is? None of you probably do…but you bloody well should. This young man is not only the son of one of the greatest British wrestlers of our time, but also a member of one of the most storied lineages in wrestling history. Let me introduce to you, the son of the British Bulldog, the nephew of Bret Hart, and our new protégé Harry Smith.”
Later on in the same show Chris Benoit defends his US Title against Finlay, it’s a great match like everyone knows it will be, but as the match wears on The Bluebloods make their way to ringside, when it looks like Benoit has the match won Regal hops on the apron to distract the ref, allowing Taylor, Smith, and Finlay to destroy Benoit, one 3 count later, the Bluebloods own 2 of Smackdown’s 4 titles. After the match London and Kendrick run out to help Benoit but get beaten by the numbers game.
The next week on Smackdown we get an interview early on with Benoit, London, and Kendrick, Benoit wants to challenge the Bluebloods to a match at Survivor Series, but London and Kendrick point out that their outnumbered. Benoit tells them not to worry; he called from some back-up. Later in the night, there is a 6 man tag match Benoit, London, and Kendrick/Finlay. Regal, and Taylor. As Benoit and crew make their way to the ring, they stop on the ramp and some familiar music hits. Chris Benoit’s back-up is the “Man of 1000 holds” Dean Malenko. The actual match itself can be won by either team, it doesn’t really matters, all that would matter is that we would get an awesome match at Survivor Series
Matt: Well, again, Taylor’s injury has ruined yet another fine plan. But then, you got Finlay, you got Harry Smith, and you have another Englishman under contract, what’s his name, damm fine talent, worked with Regal before, terrible gimmick last time round…oh yeah, Paul Burchill. Tell me Regal/Finlay/Burchill/Smith wouldn’t be a damm fine stable. Even if I want Smith on Raw so he can reactivate the European Title and we can get some more Grand Slam Champions.
Nick: These matches I like. This might be the first thing I’ve completely agreed with yet since taking up the second half of this column a couple weeks ago. Good show, sir. I’m with Matt on having Burchill take Taylor’s place. Oh, and even though Kenny appears to be getting the push, fuck him. Johnny and Mikey are the two best. Kenny is decent, Nicky is mediocre and Mitch stinks.
Matt: Brandon Condra benefits from the new, elastic super-sizedness of the column, although he deserves to be here.
How about an Extreme Rules Survivor Series Match (only pinfalls and submissions can eliminate a participant) for ECW. Heyman books his “New Breed” Big Show, Test, Mike Knox, and Renee Dupree against “The ECW Originals” RVD, Sabu, Sandman, and Tommy Dreamer. On the last Tuesday before the Survivor Series a big brawl ensues and Tommy Dreamer is taken out, leaving the fans to speculate which Original will replace him. At Survivor Series both teams are in the ring waiting for the Originals replacement partner, it turns out to be not an Original but C.M. Punk. It comes down to Punk and Big Show, and Punk makes Show tap to the Anaconda Vice making him the sole survivor. The Originals come back to the ring to celebrate, and then Punk lays them out with a Kendo Stick and grabs a mike. “I came out here tonight, because above all else, I crave competition. And I proved that I am the best ECW has to offer, buy making the ECW Champion tap out. But if you think that I’m going to stand here and corrupt my morals and share my spotlight with a drunk, a stoner, and a pillhead you are seriously mistaken. My body is a temple; it is alcohol free, drug free, and pain killer free. My name is C. M. Punk, and I AM BETTER THAN YOU!!!”
Also just for fun, how about Finley, Regal, Dave Taylor, and Helms vs. Benoit, the Hooligans, and Matt Hardy for a Smackdown match.
Matt: SD match, not a single complaint. ECW match, again, I’m A-OK with it, although if the ECW PPV a week later (which is another barrel of fish I don’t have time to shoot), Punk laying out both the champ and the challenger for the ECW belt may be a little counter-productive.
Nick: I LOVE the ECW part, and the SD thing, once again just let somebody take Taylor’s place and it’s all good. I don’t think Punk doing what he did is counterproductive, because it’s just early build to Punk becoming a bigger star and aiding in covering for the eventual loss of the Big Show for the ECW brand. I might not have him get the better of Van Dam, though, instead getting everyone else and just having a standoff with RVD. Also, I wouldn’t have him make Show tap, and if he’s going to be a heel, he should get some help from RVD and just get the pin on Show, because that also helps to build for the ECW Title match at their PPV. So yeah, another positive response from me. Amazing.
Matt: And now, the man, the myth, the legend. Manu Bomb.
Edge, Orton, Nitro, and Shelton vs. HHH, HBK, Cena, and Hardy.
Granted, the last name on each team might be a little bit of a stretch, but both guys could stand a main event rub, and would definitely perform if given the chance.
About 5 mins in, Hardy eliminates Nitro (weakest link syndrome). Shelton then eliminates Hardy, giving him somewhat of a rub as a legit contender (again), and reminding people that he doesn’t have to talk to kick ass, leading to a program for him and hardy, culminating at WM. Orton eliminates HHH (giving Orton some credibility, seeing as how he as almost none…or none), leaving us HBK and Cena vs. Edge, Orton and Shelton. Edge and Orton bloody up HBK (as usual), he valiantly fights back, and eliminates Shelton before falling to Edge (setting up another feud for them, since they never really got off the ground with their first feud). This leaves Cena vs. Edge and Orton. Edge gets eliminated due to whacky heel mishaps (involving Lita as well, maybe a direct result of her interference, giving him a reason to get rid of her), leaving us with Cena vs. Orton. Fight fight fight, punch punch punch, Orton goes for a high RKO, but Cena manages to get under Orton and catch him for the FU and the pin, possibly setting up a Cena/Orton rematch down the line.
Trust me, I’d rather Shelton be the sole survivor, but seeing as how that’ll never happen, and HHH and HBK seem to be alright with letting Cena be on top (for now), and Vince loves it when Cena beats multiple opponents by himself, and Lita being ringside always screws things up, this seems like the most logical outcome, with my boy Shelton getting somewhat of a push in the middle.
Matt: Yeah, Shelton I just don’t see getting that kind of placement, at this stage. It’d more likely be a Chris Masters or an Umaga. But still, fairly reasonable.
Nick: Don’t care about RAW, thus I didn’t read past the participants in the match. I like Manu, though. Faithful reader of my Friday column.
Matt: And now, the moment 27.8% of you have been waiting for…Our Ideas!
Lita/Victoria/Melina/Beth vs. Mickie/Maria/Torrie/Candice, since it’ll just add to the whole concept without removing anyone ‘important’ from other matches, and Regal/Smith/Teacher’s Pets/Helms vs. Hooliganz/Hardy/Funaki/Taylor will fit nicely. Maybe even a Chavo/Tantaka/MVP/Kennedy/Miz vs. Benoit/Kane/Taker/Boogey/Lashley, since I don’t see any of them in the Wargames match (yes, that won’t happen. But until it’s officially shot down, a boy can dream, dammit).
Nick: Here’s a card, I’ll follow with some explaining where needed:
Brand Supremacy
John Cena, Triple H & Edge vs. Big Show, RVD & Sabu vs. King Booker, Batista & Finlay
SmackDown SurSer Match
Chris Benoit, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Matt Hardy & Lashley vs. Chavo Guerrero, KC James, Idol Stevens, Gregory Helms & William Regal
ECW SurSer Match
Sandman, CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer, Balls Mahoney & Hardcore Holly vs. Matt Striker, Mike Knox, Kevin Thorn, Rene Dupree & Test
RAW SurSer Match
Spirit Squad vs. Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Roddy Piper, Sgt. Slaughter & IRS
Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy
Intercontinental Championship
Six-Way Elimination Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy vs. Umaga
Diva Brand Supremacy
Lita & Mickie James vs. Trinity & Ariel vs. Jillian Hall & Kristal Marshall
For the main event, each team has guys that dislike each other, and the ones who can coexist win. The three 10-man matches are basically self-explanatory; I happen to prefer 5-on-5 matches over 4-on-4. ‘Taker/Kennedy is the same, as are the rest, actually.
Matt: And that’s it for another week, but before we go…Polling Time!
Well, that’s out of the way. Any last words Nick?
Nick: Remember, if you want to reach me directly to comment on anything I’ve said here, email me at [email protected]. I’ll respond either via email or in my Friday news column every week.
Matt: Right…
So, next week’s homework-
We keep seeing older stars brought back into the company. But the WWE already has talent it’s not using effectively. Pick one (or two) superstars not doing a whole lot right now, and tell Fink how they could be used a hell of a lot better.
Remember, the e-mail slave (i.e. me) still wants mail, so please continue to send your booking concepts, to the combined Fink’s Payload Email, [email protected]. And thus, an angel gets its wings.
Although given his partner’s new found belt, we may not see much of them for a while.
Until next week,
Matt & Nick
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