The Ripple Effect 2.02.07: Re-Casting SmackDown!

The most important event on the Road to WrestleMania has come and gone, and I thought it was awesome!

Feedback Section

Much to my chagrin, only one of you decided to send something my way this week. I know I’m still new at this, but I at least wish I knew how much other guys got. Oh well…

From Matt, who only kind of dug the new new ECW from last week:

Well, I read the column and thought that I would give you a whole bunch of original suggestions that would make your readers think Holy Moly, this guy should run the WWE … or maybe the world. But no, you pretty much got everything right. Only thing I’m not liking is Kane moving, cos he’s been pretty nifty on SD. And throw Super Crazy in there as well – awwww, that’s hardly inventive, I wanted to propose something even more exciting than the idea of cloning Ariel.
But what about this; bring the Hardcore Championship, defended 24/7 of course, to ECW. Now I know that not everyone was a fan of the title, but think about it … more extreme rules and weapons, which is something the new ECW lacks slightly / a secondary title that doesn’t have to be featured each week, or it can be just be given a small backstage segment if necessary / it fits with ECW / a frequent storyline on the programme, rather than the same old “you pissed me off last week you melon” / and with guys like Dreamer, Balls, Sandman, Stevie, Noble, Boogey, Crazy, Chavo and others roaming around, the division would be classic.

I have to admit, I sat down and thought about the Kane situation for a while before assigning him to ECW. I thought just as much as anyone that a trip to SD would be just the ticket for him to stay relevant and get a new set of guys to work with, but the bookers proved they just don’t know what to do with him. I say he can make a great marquee name for ECW; he’s got an “extreme” kind of character, and he can dominate and elevate at the same time. But I can definitely see how one wouldn’t want to move him.

You know, bringing back the Hardcore isn’t something I’d necessarily rather see than the TV title, but it probably has a much better chance of happening. You are right that they need to retain some kind of hardcore element from their origins, and that title pretty much spells it out. Just imagine the fanboys’ faces when their favorite extremists hold up that ratted to hell belt like it’s the fucking holy grail!

YouTube Wrestling Video of the Week

It took me a while to jump on the YouTube bandwagon, but when I first realized I could watch some awesome old school wrestling videos on it I wondered how I ever went without it. If you look hard enough, you can find some of your favorite matches, awesome promos, even embrassing moments (I actually watched the Mae Young birth sequence…don’t ask me why). Here’s where I encourage all of you to indulge in the pure nostalgic bliss you get from watching shit like this.

The YouTube Wrestling Video of the Week is:

!~ Vince McMahon’s Accident ~!

In the past couple of years, it hasn’t been Rumble time without reflecting on the time Vince tore his quad entering the ring. Yes friends, it’s been a whole two years since the chairman ripped a muscle of his body off its bone/ligament by simply hitting it against the ring apron. This of course took place at the end of the 2005 Rumble match, where Batista and Cena pulled a Bret/Luger ending and we didn’t know who was going to end up in the WM main event. The fans were rabid were denouement, but what they got was Vinnie Mac giving us a free PSA against years of steroid abuse. If you ask me, I think it’s the strain from all that strutting over the years!

Re-Casting SmackDown!

So last week we decided to shake things up a bit by redrafting all the WWE superstars to what I thought would be the best show for them and the ‘E as a whole. We started with the new…new ECW and brought out a few surprises. This week, we move up the unofficial hierarchy of shows to the big blue brand that’s been providing the steadiest stream of entertainment on WWE TV, Friday Night SmackDown!

Now, there are a couple of conditions that go with this list. I’m not the kind of guy who wants to throw shit where it sticks, so please keep these things in mind:
1. I’m taking into account the fact that SmackDown is a taped show on broadcast television. Because of the differences between the brands’ TV contracts, they each have a different vibe about them, and SmackDown has established a reputation of a more simplistic wrestling show rather than the sports entertainment fest Raw has become. So naturally, I would rather see the more down to earth wrestlers on SD than anywhere else. There’s no need to fuck with the style of the show, since that style exists for a reason.
2. The championships will consist of the World Heavyweight, United States, Cruiserweight and Tag Team titles. I see no reason to shuffle around the championships along with the wrestlers in this case. I debated myself about getting rid of the U.S. title to balance the number out with Raw, which loses one of theirs in this recasting (more on that next week). But in the end, I decided to keep it around just in case my bookers wanted to actually come up with a US title division. Also notice how the tag titles don’t say “WWE” or even “World” on them…You’ll find out why next week as well!
3. SmackDown has the most loaded roster of any brand. Of Raw, SD and ECW, the blue brand is the most stacked in terms of number of wrestlers. Part of this has to do with the existence of the tag titles and the exclusivity of the CW division. Add to the fact their roster has been melting away for a while, so I want to spoil them.

Now, onto the new roster for WWE Friday Night SmackDown!

Wrestlers Staying Put

These are the current crop of SD talent that I see no need to shuffle around.

Batista – Whether you still mark out everytime the Animal drops dudes like a bad habit with the Batista Bomb or you cringe every time he blows a move, the Dave still gets some of the loudest pops of any SD guy every week. His overness is in a steady decline, but it’s not going to disappear. He’s made a name for himself on the blue brand, and people tend to associate him with SD nowadays. Besides, putting him on a taped show gived editors a chance to delete his screw-ups from history, so huzzah!

King Booker – Remember what I said about associating Batista with SD? Well, triple that for our King. Not a single wrestling fan exists who hasn’t enjoyed Booker’s character overhaul at least a little bit. When SD was in a huge amount of trouble, they took the one hot angle they had going and fucking went with it. The veteran Booker had been rejuvenated since introducing the cameras to his wife, and he was hungry for a true run at the top in WWE. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to eventually see if our King can exert his majesty on Monday nights, but for now he’s right where he belongs on the brand he carried.

Finlay – The emergence of the fighting Irish bastard has been one of the most pleasant surprises in years, and I see no reason to move Finlay to another brand. In fact, it would seem like a crime to take the guy who’s put on more good matches than anyone in WWE for the past year and move him off the wrestling show. It’s also a better fit because JBL will put over how tough Finlay is ten times better than the King will. It makes me wonder if he would’ve gotten over if he’d debuted for the red brand. In any case, Finlay ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Gregory Helms – As of this writing, Gregory Helms has held the cruiserweight championship for more than one solid year. Of course, he didn’t have one memorable feud during the year, but it’s still a really strong accomplishment. Since the CW title is staying put on SD, there’s no need to part Helms with it. Maybe they’ve kept the belt on him for this long so when they start barnstorming a division this year they’ll have a cornerstone. Right? But in any case, the former Hurricane is right where he needs to be and everyone else better stand the fuck back.

Sylvan – Let me get this part out first: I hate Sylvan. I think he sucks as a wrestler, he sucks at acting and he sucks at crowd work (I’ll skip the obligatory gay joke, if you don’t mind). So, you might be wondering why he’s still employed on my SD roster. Well it has something to do with a new SD guy. Read on…

Undertaker – I tossed this one around in my head for a while. My first inclination was to move Taker to Raw, where he could get a new start and a fresh set of opponents. Underatker feuds have gotten quite stale because of SD’s lack of star power, after all. But I decided against it for SD’s sake. Every brand needs its “marquee” star…you know, the one who has the first and last image in the opening theme? Raw has HHH for that, and SD has Taker. I certainly don’t want to deprive SD of that, so Taker stays. He has some fresh opponents anyway with the recasting.

Jimmy Wang Yang – Yang, or the Hibachi Steak as I like to call him, brings something to the table few in the CW division do: entertainment. You can’t deny that A) his character gets your attention, and B) that for what it is Yang hasn’t pulled it off awesomely. My only wish for him is that he still had his girl, but he seems to get along just fine without her. I’ll be honest, I was kind of ready for him to win the title at Armageddon, which says something about how endearing the character really is. Jimmy Wang has nowhere to mosey just yet.

Deuce & Domino – The reaction these two have gotten has been nothing short of bizarre; it’s basically nothing but a simplistic “greaser” gimmick, but it’s gotten over huge with a lot of fans, including a good portion of smarks. I guess that’s a testament to how a person can get the dumbest characters over by going balls deep into the part. This is another example of how some entertainment value can be brought to an ordinarily dull division. Kudos to these two for injecting some crowd pop material into the tag division.

London & Kendrick – They’ve been the champions forever, and there doesn’t seem to be a team that can challenge their legitimacy as a team, so I’d say that makes London and Kendick a pair of SD symbols. It would make zero sense to move either of these guys to another show at this point in their careers. They’ve carved out niches for themselves, and if they ever get broken up they can always make the CW division better. No way I’d part London and Kendrick from what’s become their personal playground.

William Regal & Dave Taylor – Throughout 2006, when SD had problems they turned to Regal. When Lashley got pulled at the Great American Bash, they called Regal and he put on a near **** effort with Finlay. When they need a major angle for King Booker, they established the royal court with Regal as its voice and most loyal follower of our King. With Taylor, he’s now got one of his best friends having fun with him every week. It’d be downright sacreligious to take these guys away from SD. After all, Regal deserves as much credit for keeping SD entertaining as anyone.

Ashley, Kristal, Maryse Ouellet, Michelle McCool and Queen Sharmell – As a general rule, I like to keep the “wrestling” divas on the show with the Women’s title and my “eye candy” divas on the show…without one. Hence, the placement of these ladies seems pretty self-explanotory. The tricky part is to find something interesting to do with them. We know what Sharmell’s going to do, and Maryse Ouellet can be used to manage a returning team, the other half of which will be revealed soon. Kristal works as an interviewer, and Ashley can just stand on the stage the whole time and I’ll be fine.

Movers from Raw to SmackDown

Carlito – In the past few months, something tells me that Carlito has done just about everything he’s going to do on Raw. I was bummed when they initially pulled him from SD, but when I saw his face on all the USA ads I figured Carly might catch on huge in front of a live audience. But now he’s fallen back down into the midcard spot he was in when he left SD. I say bring him back where he started and redebut the Cabana. It was a great segment for a personality like Carlito’s. Besides, he’s never going to learn the lucha moves working with the musclebound Raw guys.

Super Crazy – I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really digging the little mini-push Crazy’s gotten on Raw. He’s basically made roided up Chris Masters his bitch, and he gets pops consistently, which is more than can be said about most of the Raw midcard. Despite this, I still would move him back to SD to compete in the CW division. Keep this in mind: I would actually attempt to make the cruisers matter, so it’s not actually a depush. I know SD could use a little bit of Super, and a little bit of Crazy…therefore, they could use a little bit of SUPER CRAZY!

Umaga – This was a difficult decision to make. I really dig the fact that Umaga’s established himself on Raw as a killer of souls. But unfortunately, he’s not going to be beating Cena, HBK or Edge, at least not in the matches that matter. Because of this, I say move him to SD where he could start his monster run all over again, only this time with lots more credibility. Let’s face it, he’s probably on his way back down on Raw, but a move to Fridays could be just the thing to keep his career afloat before it crashes.

The World’s Greatest Tag Team – The new draft calls two more to their original brand. When Haas and Benjamin debuted for SD in early 2003, they were just what the tag division needed to cool off after the “SD6” series of October and November. Through the tenure with Kurt Angle and the new, appropriate names, they established a very firm spot on the card and fought for the titles at two straight WM’s before being broken up. Now they’re back, and what better way to use them then to send them home. Thus far, we’ve built ourselves a nice little tag division and we’ve got a ways left to go…

Cryme Tyme – I had the pleasure of watching my first Cryme Tyme match at a live Raw show (the one where the power went out). I was very impressed with how easily these two (especially JTG) were taking to being in front of a big crowd with almost no exposure beforehand. That said, they can definitely be a valuable asset to this tag division. They may not have that “anything can happen” feel since they’re not live, but that shouldn’t stop them from entertaining us every week. And you just know JBL would rip those guys new assholes every week.

Cade & Murdoch – Remember the “lights out” I just talked about? Well, in that same arena in September 2005 (for which I was also present), Cade & Murdoch destroyed Hurricane and Rosey to win their first and only world tag titles. It was a lot of fun watching them do their thing; their old school act is a welcome change nowadays, and they really go in there and beat the hell out of people. Damn, we’re getting so many teams in here they might have to make a tag feud that isn’t even over the belts. When’s the last time that happened, besides Hardys/MNM (and even they fought on PPV for the titles in the same match).

The Highlanders – Something about Rory and Robbie McAllister’s act makes me very happy in a Eugene-Jim Duggan-Bushwhackers kind of way. Unfortunately for them, that doesn’t really lend itself to legitimacy but I think these two have some good feuds in them yet. I say send them to SD with the other teams and see what good comes of working a bunch of tag matches with established stars. I’m making myself excited right now thinking about a Highlanders/Regal & Taylor feud. Regal’s facial expressions alone would make a good story.

Jonathon Coachman – The reason I have the Coach going to SD is very specific: I want him to show up and claim to be the boss. Put him in a backstage feud with Teddy Long that can give both men some character time while keeping them out of the ring. No I’m not simply suggesting that because they’re both black but because they’re both that kind of character. Coach is never better than when he’s assuming he has power he doesn’t actually have, and Long has that endearing quality that will make him a good backstage babyface in this feud. After that, Coach can manage Cryme Tyme or something…get it?

Armando Alejandro Estrada – I won’t really take much time explaining this one, since I’m sure it’s pretty obvious. Umaga really isn’t much without his cigar-wielding mouthpiece to keep the crowd booing. I can definitely see him crashing the Cabana at some point.

Torrie Wilson – If you want some evidence for why SD is considered the B-show, look no further than the Divas. There really aren’t any established names among them, except maybe Ashley. So I think Torrie is just the girl to bring some “big Diva” power to SD. I always thought she was a better fit on the blue show anyway.

Movers from ECW to SmackDown

Rene Dupree – Oh yes, it’s the long-awaited return of La Resistance! You know you’ve been craving it for the past two years. Honestly, there’s really nothing better for Dupree and Sylvan to do anymore; their stock has been completely squandered, and they only thing they have left is the one angle that gave them heat in the first place. I say put Maryse with them and have them be the resident “Europeans everyone hates” characters on SD. If they every turn Cade & Murdoch face this would be a good choice for a feud.

Bobby Lashley – Coming into 2006, I was ready for SD to have somewhat of a renaissance with all the new talent that was coming in. Along with the momentum they had with their dominant and over champion Batista, they also had guys like Finlay and Lashley to give hope for the future. Although things have changed a little since then, I still think Lashley’s best role is on Fridays. As much as I’m rooting for him, it just doesn’t seem like he’s ready to hold a world championship, so I would suggest getting him back to SD so he can keep learning from class acts like Finlay and our King. It would at least get some of the pressure off his shoulders, which is a good thing.

Little Guido – I’m not going to try to pretend Nunzio was ever over on SD. The FBI had a good run when they feuded with Taker in 2003, but everything else Guido’s been involved in has been pretty much forgettable. However, at least he wasn’t a jobber to everyone like he is in ECW. I know he’s an original, but he should be put back on SD. He’s not going to be over anyway, so you might as well increase the CW numbers.

Shannon Moore – It’s the original follower of Mattitude himself, the blondest of the 3 Count boys, the official BITCH of WWE. You know your life sucks when your official nickname is “the Reject” right? Nonetheless, WWE has disappointed a lot of fans by not properly utilizing the former Prince of Punk, and moving him to SD is a way to rectify that. To me he makes a very convincing cruiserweight champion, and he has the ability to draw heat few cruisers do. It’s better than going to ECW shows and hanging out backstage.

And that’s the new face of Friday Night SmackDown. Agree with my choices? Think I’m a dumbshit? Please let me know what you think!

Closure

That will set the sun on another edition of the RE. Here’s my big request from you guys though: I’m interested to know who you think are going to hold the five most important wrestling championships (WWE, WH, ECW, NWA & ROH) by the time SummerSlam rolls around. Here are my personal predictions:

WWE Title: John Cena (boring but true)

World Heavyweight Title: Undertaker (not for much longer though)

ECW Title: Rob Van Dam (either shit or get off the “pot” time for RVD)

NWA Title: Kurt Angle (I don’t think he’ll win at Against All Odds, but soon enough)

ROH Title: Nigel McGuiness (he’s on a huge roll and is becoming a ROH symbol of sorts)

Let your imagine run wild, and let me know who you think will be at the wrestling apex one half year from now!

I now return to my wet dream involving Cena/HBK at WM.