Evolution Schematic 10.20.07: WWE Casket Matches (Part 2)

Hello, it’s your resident neighborhood Blob here. I’m sick as a dog, I’ve had a terrible day at work, I have to wrestle tomorrow, there are half a dozen games sitting there I need to play, the computer’s acting up and there’s a horrible smell coming from somewhere.

So how’s your day?

Regardless of how crappy it turns out, I’m gonna do this if it kills me. Well, that’s really unlikely. Still, I could end up like a Marvel Zombie, and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. And I don’t read comics, but I am an Evil Dead fan, and I urge you to buy and read the cross-over book of Army Of Darkness and Marvel Zombies. A great, great read even if you, like me, know little about Marvel heroes and villains and such… Although seeing The Blob, I understand Dunn’s point. Anyway, let’s get this damm thing done, I have to go and complain about Sonic and Little Mac some more.

Quick note of thanks to Mike Labbe for giving me a big list of all the Casket matches in WWE history. but then, all the ones he gave me were house shows, so they don’t count. Or that is, I don’t want them to count since that’s so much more work for me.

Here’s the first part of this. We covered the birth of the WWF Casket Match, and got up to Taker putting it away after failing to beat Goldust in them, as he waited for someone to deserve it before pulling it out again.

Phase 8- Karma’s a bitch. Or the side of a casket.

The Royal Rumble 1998 saw Undertaker bring the Casket match out of the dark resources at his command in an attempt to show Shawn Michaels what for. Certainly Taker was doing well, having made up with his half-brother Kane, HHH being injured and thus probably a non-factor, things looked good for Taker to beat Shawn, win the title, and go on to defend it at WM14 against whomever would win the Rumble, although certainly not that Steve Austin guy, since everyone was out to get him.

Although Austin did in fact win the Rumble just prior to the Casket match. Still, Taker walked in, intent on delivering the same methodical, ass-kicking brutality from the Hell in a Cell. And he did so, with a shove early on that sent Shawn over the ropes and onto the casket then the floor in a move that would directly lead to Shawn’s back injury and thus long sabbatical from the ring. And that was in the first couple of minutes!

And yet, Taker proved that for a man who spends so much time and effort on mind games, he can be gullible and stupid at times. DX tried to copy Yoko and Goldust’s approach, having the New Age Outlaws and Los Boriquas attack, but Taker managed to fight them off as Kane came out to help.

Kane helped by turning on Taker, chokeslamming him into the casket allowing Shawn to close the lid and thus win the match, keep the title, and set up HBK/Austin and Kane/Taker at WM, two huge matches on a huge show. Of course, the fact Kane helped Shawn win was quickly overshadowed by Kane and Paul Bearer together, (and thus proving that the reunion was a scam) to lock the casket with Taker inside then set fire to it, although Taker was ‘mysteriously gone’ when they opened it after they had burnt it. But really, the whole thing was eventful and memorable. The next casket match would not be nearly as impactful.

Phase 9- Remember this one?

By October of 98, things had changed a lot in the WWF. Undertaker was now much darker, more Satanic, and had retaken Paul Bearer as his manager while Kane was beloved and angry at everyone. Austin was no longer the champ nor employed thanks to Kane and Taker beating him then failing to get a winner for Austin to announce, and the WWF was in a state of flux.

So on October 19th, a little of 9 years ago (!), it seemed only fitting that Kane and Taker would have a Casket match on Raw. And, given the way the company was heading and the chaos surrounding it, it seems logical that there would be no winner as the two half-siblings brawled off into the night, leaving the casket behind.

But at least the next one had a winner.

Phase 10- Or this one?

Half a year later, and Taker was even more evil, as now not only was he a Satanic Bastard, but he was a Corporate Satanic Bastard, Shane McMahon’s chosen one, and #1 Contender. On the last show before the Over The Edge 99 PPV, Taker warmed up for his World Title match with Steve Austin by taking on and beating The Rock is a Casket match.

Thus gaining momentum, at the time. Nowadays no-one remembers much about that, given what happened at Over The Edge 99. But a few months later history would be made, as for the first time, a casket match would take place but Taker wouldn’t be involved…

Phase 11- HHH’s Odyssey.

Although he was meant to be. See, September 99 saw the major arc of the WWF being centered around that cad HHH wanting the title, and fan favourite boss Vince trying his darndest to keep it away from him. After Vince managed to win the belt off HHH (thanks to Steve Austin), he vacated it, and wanted to hold a 6 Pack match at Unforgiven to crown a new champ. And he didn’t want HHH in it, so on September 23rd, he forced HHH to fight in 5 matches, one each against each of the other guys in the match. And to make it worse, they were all the other guy’s specialty matches. And to make it even more worse, HHH had to win 3 out of 5 to stay in the title match.

Big Show beat him in a Chokeslam match.

HHH then went 1-1 by beating Kane in an inferno match.

Then came Taker’s casket match. But Taker decided he didn’t want to have that match. Vince threatened him with termination of his job. Taker still didn’t care. So, Mideon and Viscera, two of his minions, were drafted into his place. And then the two of them won the match, surprisingly, given that after HHH got Mideon into the casket, Shane restarted the match saying both men had to be in for HHH to win, giving them enough time to recover and beat up HHH 2 on 1 enough to stuff him in the casket. Their victory didn’t mean much, as someone helped HHH beat Mankind in a Boiler Room Brawl and then British Bulldog, Taker’s replacement, helped HHH win the Strap Match against The Rock.

Triple H would also appear in the next Casket match, which given that Taker wasn’t in means he and Taker are in every single one in WWE history. But the next casket match wasn’t about HHH. Or about Kane, his opponent. Or Shawn Michaels, the guy who interfered.

It was about Katie Vick.

Phase 12- Burying that name.

See, Katie Vick…

Well, it’s hard to say, it’s so twisted up in Kane’s mental problems, HHH’s mind games, Bischoff’s ego, my own logic gap filling… Suffice to say Katie Vick in some form, be it a real college girl, a nurse, a figment of Kane’s imagination, whatever, she was/is dead, and HHH and Kane had a major problem over it. Thus, to solve it, Eric Bischoff ended the saga with a fitting match, a Casket match on Raw, the final match in both men’s problems with each other.

And Kane won, burying the Katie Vick saga, although given that this was only due to Shawn Michaels’ interference, it is questionable how much of an end it really gave Kane. Still, it ended it, and that’s the main thing.

So the Casket match had gone from death enhancing to death bringing, from serious business to practically a joke. The next casket match was a little of both.

Phase 13- I don’t like caskets!

The Undertaker reclaimed his match in 2005, as he needed a way to deal with Heidenreich, the mad German poet. And the second Taker found out poor John didn’t like caskets, it was on. At the 05 Rumble, the two had a mentally scarring brawl, John having back up from Snitsky who had a plan.

Gene’s plan was for him to come in and help beat up Taker. Hey, it worked for Shawn, Goldust and Yoko. However, it failed to work for Gene and John since Kane was taking a nap in the Casket and came out to beat on Snitsky, taking him out of the match and leaving Taker and John one on one, and thus giving Taker the chance to beat John and shove him in the casket to win the match.

Taker’s next go round wouldn’t be so good.

Phase 14- Hey!

For it was the final match in the Taker/Orton feud, No Mercy 05, Taker vs. Both Randy and Bob Orton. Taker had, at various points, both men in the casket, but always alone, never both at the same time. They used every trick, every weapon short of a loaded cast, and eventually, the two of them managed to beat Taker down, close the lid, win the match and then set fire to it, and yet again, Taker was nowhere to be seen afterwards.

Taker would return at Survivor Series, plow through Randy at Armageddon to end their problems once and for all inside the Cell, then, after failing to win the World Title, decided to prove a point.

Phase 15- 14-0…Dammit.

The last, until now, Casket match in WWE history was at Wrestlemania 22, where Mark Henry tried to make a name for himself and bury The Undertaker at a Wrestlemania.

Just try and guess how that turned out for him.

Conclusion

So, what have we learnt? What can we take from this (abridged) look back at the Casket match in WWE?

We could learn that The Undertaker rules it, with only HHH daring to step up and take it from him, the two share it like they do the Hell In The Cell.

We could learn that mass run-ins work only when you steal the urn or have a blood relative among the people running in.

We could learn that 2 > 1.

But really, there is only one lesson to truly take from the Casket match, only one thing that needs to be learnt.

We are all mortal. We will all die. But what matters most is what you do during your life, what you do before you enter the casket, for life is precious. Seize it.

And for god’s sake, don’t let Snitsky make up the plan.

And now, another sliver of a fractured view of life, as from the pen of Dave Lovelace…