Evolution Schematic 07.26.08: Mark ‘The Undertaker’ Calaway (Part 4)

Yeah, I got nothing. I mean, if you watch Good News Week down here either this week or next week you might see me, and I could rabbit on about my trials and tribulations on setting up my secondary, sole use computer that I’m typing this up on, but they just points out that I am a selfish, selfish man who puts his own pleasure and his own ease of life concerns above you, my loyal readers.

Hey, with the Whodunnit crowd all over Randle, the info nuts over the new Ask 411 guy (who I’ll admit did a great job. If you need a week off though dude, call me) and of course the Larry ‘Fan’Base all tied up, the Emo crowd’s pretty much the only guys left I can appeal to. That, and other nerds like myself (Captain Rainbow = Super Smash Bros the RPG, am I right?).

Although I will address one thing- I’ve chosen to address this ES (which is by far the most contentious one I’ve ever done) with a certain mindset, I’ll agree. I’ve clearly chosen to write my recap on the assumption that The Undertaker is now and has always been 100% not mystical. Namely that he (and Kane, and Bogeyman, and everyone else) has no superpowers. He is not dead, nor can he shoot lightning, the urn is just an urn, to paraphrase a quote. I did this for a very simple reason.

The Underbiker.

The Undertaker (as we’ll hopefully see next week) went through a period of time when he did not have superpowers, nor did anyone think he did. Like with a lot of the earlier ES’, I took one period and had to adapt the rest of the guy’s career around this one period to make it work.

Plus I REALLY hate Superpower and Mystical type stuff, my Katie Vick angle in Heyhurst’s EWR thing notwithstanding. I didn’t feel I good write a consistent story which had Taker as a mutant or whatever term you want to use. Especially when I added in his WCW and Texas runs. If you’re still reading this and have a problem with that, I can’t help you. I can’t change my mind halfway through.

And people wonder why I don’t do opinion pieces.

Part 1 and Part 2 and, of course, Part 3 are available. When we left off, Taker had proven himself dominate over Diesel, and a new threat was about to show up.

Phase 13- The War Against Mankind Begins.

The night after Wrestlemania on Raw, Taker fought and defeated future WWE Champion Justin ‘Hawk’ Bradshaw by DQ when a strange, shabby mess of a man in brown tights and a weird leather mask interfered, running in and beating the hell out of Taker. Mankind, who had debuted earlier that night on Raw, was bent on proving himself to the world as being able to take The Undertaker, for many years a lynchpin, a standard bearer, an all round rallying point for the WWF (even when he was hated he was still respected). If he could take down Taker, then he truly deserved to be here in the WWF.

So, Mankind pissed Taker off, attacking him at every opportunity, gaining an unlikely ally in Goldust to help fend off Paul Bearer while Mankind went to town on Taker, on his casket, and generally on anything related to Undertaker. This, quite clearly, pissed The Undertaker off.

And that did one of two things. One, it made Taker lash out at Paul Bearer one too many times backstage, driving him away and into the welcoming (scarred) arms of Mankind. Or, it allowed Paul Bearer, thinking this was a good way to delay having to bring in Kane, to manipulate Taker and keep his new alliance with Mankind secret, Taker too busy and angry to notice.

Either way, Taker walked into King of the Ring 1996 a pissed off man. Mankind had cost him the IC title the month before at the Beware Of The Dog PPV (well, the second one at least, Mankind pulled him into a casket and thus giving Goldust the win), and despite Taker beating him several times at non-televised events, the stupid crazy SOB kept getting up. So, Taker went into Milwaukee set on ending this once and for all.

One ‘misplaced’ urn shot later, and Mankind had defeated The Undertaker.

This truly rocked The Undertaker. Losing by mass run in, distraction leading to a momentary lapse of concentration, being blinded, those losses he could accept. But Mankind had outsmarted him, and that really hurt.

So Mankind and Taker continued to brawl in every arena they entered, with Goldust still running interference (and recipient of yet another golden ticket title retention at the International Incident PPV, Taker winning by DQ thanks to, yet again Mankind interfering). But at the II PPV, Taker and Mankind’s customary brawl took a left turn and ended up in the Boiler Room, Mankind’s home away from home. So, naturally, this lead to a Boiler Room Brawl, where the two men would begin in the Boiler Room and whomever got to a certain point first (Paul Bearer in the ring, holding the urn which the winner would take being selected as a good enough proof of victory than any other) would win.

Taker headed into that night knowing that he wouldn’t walk out the same. He knew Mankind would very likely injure him if he could, and was just as likely to injure himself in the process. So, Taker planned ahead, still mindful of his need to keep up appearances to scare and bewilder people (even if Mankind seemed to overcome his initial fear of the Deadman), had some druids ready in case he or Mankind needed to be carried out, either a dramatic statement that he would return or a fitting visual for Mankind’s end.

The Undertaker and Mankind had a wild, chaotic brawl at Summerslam, but it went well for Taker, up to a point. He beat down Mankind, ending with a very sick slingshot move dumping Mankind head first onto concrete. He then posed, and awaited Paul Bearer to place the urn in his hand.

No urn was forthcoming.

Taker’s clear confusion was enough time for Mankind to recover, slap on the Mandible Claw, Bearer clunked him in the head with the urn, and then Mick and Bearer stomped the heck out of Taker, Bearer handing Mankind the urn and leaving with him, Taker carried off by the druids.

And now Undertaker was really angry.

Phase 14- Mankind and Uncle Paul.

And so, naturally, Mankind and his new manager Paul Bearer played keep away, trying to avoid Undertaker as much as he could. But after Plan A, Mind Games saw Taker take on Goldust and a Final Curtain match, Final Curtain rules meaning the match had to end by pinfall, failed to stop The Undertaker since he won, and then Plan B, win the WWF Title and thus have to fight other challengers failed thanks to Vader interfering, Mankind and Bearer had no choice but to agree to a match at the next PPV.

The PPV and the match were Buried Alive, and for Taker, it was a mixed result. Technically, he won the match. But then the arrival of Paul Bearer’s new client (Plan C, a.k.a The Executioner, a.k.a Terry Gordy) helped Mankind emerge from the dirt, then, along with half the roster, the group buried The Undertaker under pounds and pounds of dirt, far more than Taker had used to win the match.

But overall the end result was good, as Taker’s hand emerged out of the dirt, proving that he was still alive, and doing science while he’s still alive.

And you can damm well bet he would have gotten some cake.

Phase 14b- Mankind and Uncle Paul with The Executioner

Taker demanded a rematch with Mankind, giving up the crazy stipulations but getting a much more satisfying one- If he beat Mankind at Survivor Series 96, he would get 5 minutes alone with Paul Bearer, who was trapped in a shark cage above the ring to prevent his interference. Mankind ended up getting too stab happy with a foreign object, allowing Taker to snapmare him into a Tombstone (ala Eric Angle) and get the win. But once again Gordy interfered, preventing Taker from getting his hands on Paul Bearer and extracting sweet, sweet revenge.

So, Taker momentarily transferred his aggression to Gordy, and defeated him at ‘It’s Time’ in an Armageddon Rules match (man, he just loves the stips, don’t he?) to send him packing from the WWF.

Paul Bearer was thus down one line of defence, and Mankind, while holding one of the best win/loss records against The Undertaker in history, still had plenty of entries in the loss column.

So, he ran. He ran away, long enough for the match makers to decide to give Taker another opponent at the 1997 Royal Rumble, Vader (whom he had been having a minor problem with at the end of 96, the two getting in each other’s face a bit), as well as his entry into the Rumble itself.

Hey, he’ll do!

Phase 14c- Mankind and Uncle Paul and Vader = Success!

As Taker was dismantling Vader at the event, Paul Bearer walked down to ringside, and assisted Vader with a distraction and then a massive Urn shot, allowing a Vader Bomb to give Vader the slight upset win, the two then leaving together, Bearer finding his new front line. Even if he and Mankind would spend more time fighting each other than working together.

Taker, after taking out some frustrations on a hapless ref, drew #30 in the Royal Rumble, but failed to win the Rumble thanks to Steve Austin’s subterfuge. Thus began Taker’s short, but successful push to the title.

Phase 15- Wrestlemania 13. Who else?

Because of Steve Austin’s manipulation of the rules (coming back into the ring after being tossed, the refs too busy breaking up a fight between Mankind and Terry Funk), Austin would not automatically get the WM Title Shot. Instead, a 4 way elimination match would be held at ‘Final Four’, Austin and the three men he illegally eliminated, Bret Hart, Vader and Taker, with eliminations occurring by pinfall, submission or being tossed over the top rope. However, the match became that much more important when Shawn Michaels had to forfeit the WWF title due to… ‘injury’. The match then became for the vacant WWF title, with the winner facing Sid the following night on Raw. This was Taker’s chance, he felt that he had not been getting the respect he deserved, and he’d prove it at the PPV.

Well, maybe not at the PPV itself. Bret eliminated Austin, Taker tossed Vader, then Bret tossed Taker after Austin interfered in the match for the 456423164th time.

However, after Sid beat Bret Hart to win the title the following night on Raw, the main event for Wrestlemania 13 was set, Sid as the champion, The Undertaker (by virtue of being the last one eliminated in the final four match) the #1 contender. The two men mostly stayed away from each other in the lead up to Wrestlemania, the duo coming to blows whenever they ended up in the same place at the same time (the two losing to Vader and Mankind in a tag match, then Taker costing Bret Hart the title in a cage match to ensure that his match was for the title and not the Austin/Hart match (Austin interfering earlier on to try and cause that to happen)).

And so, at Wrestlemania 13, on a card most remembered for Bret Hart and Steve Austin’s Submission Match, The Undertaker finally reclaimed his spot as the WWF Champion, thanks in part to Bret Hart’s interference.

Phase 16- The Title Reign

Taker immediately faced a big hurdle- Mankind, due to his wins over Taker in the past, was named the #1 contender and was given the title shot at the first PPV after Wrestlemania. While this sent Bret Hart even further into insanity, it had a much more blatant effect on Taker when Mankind threw Fire into Undertaker’s face (thus beginning the slow revelations that would change Taker’s life forever), burning him. Taker got his revenge at, well, Revenge of The Taker (her, at least you knew what you were getting at these things), defeating Mankind to retain his belt and then burning Paul Bearer’s face with the Fire, thus putting Bearer out for a while, and forcing him to reveal his deepest secret when he returned.

But that was in the future, as Taker had a title to defend, a mantle to uphold. He fought and defeated ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin at Cold Day In Hell thanks to unwanted help from The Hart Foundation, only to have Austin get the last laugh with a Stunner. Taker continued his title defences, beating Davey Boy Smith, Vader, Mankind, Savio Vega, whomever they put in front of him. However, he wanted Bret Hart, after what Hart had done. He didn’t want, need or appreciate Bret’s ‘assistance’, and so began to go after the Hart Foundation, getting somewhat reluctant help from Steve Austin.

And then Paul Bearer returned.

And Faarooq was announced as the #1 Contender.

Better and better.

Phase 17- The Blackmail.

Paul Bearer had returned, not scarred but REALLY pissed off. So, unless Taker agreed to once again come under his wing, he would announce to the world his dark secret, that he had ‘caused’ the fire that killed his family. He hadn’t stopped Kane, he felt the guilt, so he agreed, and Paul Bearer was once again managing a champion.

However, Taker was a reluctant follower, and showed it when Bearer ordered him to continue destroying Faarooq after pinning him at King Of The Ring. Taker didn’t want to, he’d proved his point and Faarooq wasn’t really his enemy. But he went to do it anyway, which lead to Ahmed Johnson coming out and trying to get Taker see reason with logical arguments. When Taker refused, Ahmed gave him a Pearl River Plunge to make him see reason.

Funnily enough this didn’t work, and so Taker/Ahmed was signed for Canadian Stampede. Ahmed joining the Nation prior to the PPV added some intrigue to the match, and then Ahmed went and got injured. This wasn’t so bad, at least from Paul Bearer’s view, but then Taker refused to be a good boy and win the tag titles. Paul had arranged for Taker and Vader to get a berth in the tournament to crown new Tag Team Champions after Shawn Michaels was injured and he and Austin were forced to vacate them. Taker ended up blasting Vader one, then letting Faarooq and D’Lo Brown pin him. So, Paul then revealed the secret.

Phase 17b- The Revelation.

Paul Bearer announced to the world that Taker’s family had died in a house fire, and that Taker was responsible. Undertaker then gave his version, that he was out, and came back to his family home to see it burning, that event making him The Undertaker.

And then Paul Bearer said four simple words.

Kane Is Still Alive.

Taker was stunned, but refused to believe it. Kane had died in the fire, and he asked the fans to understand that it wasn’t his fault. The fans refusal to turn on The Undertaker heartened him, as they showed him love, not believing Bearer or at worst not blaming him for the fire. So Taker walked into Canadian Stampede still beloved, and walked out beloved and still champion when he beat Vader, despite Paul Bearer’s best efforts to the contrary.

So The Undertaker, both freed and yet still constrained by his ‘secret’, both happy that the fans had not turned on him and yet worried that Paul Bearer might just be telling the truth, finally got his hands on Bret Hart, despite being in not the best mind set. He got his match with the Anti American Moral Crusader at Summerslam, but was forced to have Shawn Michaels as a referee. Shawn was being forced to call the match fairly, if he favored the Undertaker he would be banned from wrestling in the US ever again, and if Bret touched Shawn, he could never wrestle in Canada again. And, as luck would have it, neither of these happened, as Bret spat at Shawn after Shawn got in Bret’s face about a steel chair in the ring, Shawn swung the chair in anger and blasted Taker. Bret covered, Shawn counted, and Bret Hart won the title.

And Taker was really, really, REALLY pissed off.

Phase 18- Robo-Taker.

Taker immediately demanded blood from Shawn Michaels, forgetting his hatred of Bret Hart and the title in exchange for pounding Shawn Michaels into a fine paste. Shawn then hired an insurance policy in Rick Rude, and then got back up in Hunter Hearse Helmsley and Chyna. A couple weeks after Summerslam Taker teamed up with, of all people, Mankind (who was by now beloved and occasionally morphing into Dude Love) to fight this duo, the formerly at each others throats team winning by DQ when Shawn Michaels almost broke a steel chair over Taker’s head, busting him open and thus forming De-Generation X.

So the duo were set to have a match at Ground Zero. They did not have a match. They engaged in Open Warfare. One of the most chaotic, brutal and all around wild brawls in WWF history took place, with both men attacking officials, using weapons, brawling all over the arena and basically fighting for survival and/or for revenge. The match was eventually thrown out, due to said carnage, and the locker room was required to come out to separate the two. This still didn’t stop the battle, as Taker hit perhaps his most famous no hands tope onto half the roster in an attempt to get at Shawn.

A solution was required. Shawn kept running, and both men refused to follow the rules. A cage match seemed to be needed, but that didn’t help, as there was no roof and a door. So a brand new match was invented, the Hell In A Cell.

After failing to win the WWF title off Bret Hart over in England at One Night Only 97, Taker threw all of his training, all of his thought, everything in his life centred around Badd Blood and getting his hands on Shawn Michaels. The European Title was not on the line, but the Survivor Series WWF Title shot was, which only made the match that much sweeter.

But it was not to be, as after Undertaker literally beat Shawn Michaels pillar to post, busting him open, knocking him off the cell and generally damm near killing him, he was ready for the final blow when the lights went out. An organ began to play, and Kane debuted.