Evolution Schematic 10.18.08: SHIMMER (Part 3)

In the event you’re hear for the SHIMMER, just skip this section, it’s got nothing to do with Wrestling.

I have a question for the Australian Censorship Board, the people who decide what ratings TV, Films and Video Games get. Unlike the bizarre American system, I have a chance at knowing who you are as people (I’ve read one or two articles about who has been on the board at the time), but I apologize for not addressing you in person. I’m sure you’re not going to read this, but since this is the best way I currently have to communicate to a large number of people, I’m going to use it here.

As you may or may not know, gentle reader, Australia does not have an R18+ rating for Video Games. Ours stops at MA15+, which is nicely in the middle of the US T and M. That I don’t mind, that placement is ok by me. But not having a step up is the problem.

The logic, as I understand it, now relies on a rather bizarre proposition that since Kids are the most computer literate of all the generations, therefore no Video Game can be made safe since kids will get a hold of it.

That’s probably not the ‘official’ version, but it’s the line Michael Atkinson is trotting out. Mike seems to be the last line between an R rating and no R rating, since he, as South Australian Governor-General, has to agree.

Ok, this is my question. If we’re worried about kids getting a hold of R rated material, then why the hell have we not switched the Net off? If kids are as computer literate as it’s claimed, then surely they can access the net, and find much, much, MUCH worse online? And if so, surely that must be curtailed? I mean, rating the Internet seems a small price to pay for ensuring kids don’t see boobies.

Well, actually it’s more the blood which I’m slightly more sympathetic towards, but I just can’t understand how a kid getting a book or a DVD is worse than a video game. “Oh, but in a Game he’s making the choice, he’s actually doing it!” And he or she might not do it, whereas videos and books there’s no choice.

Eh, I’m ranting without a point. Basically… Kids already have access to all this filth. So let adults own it legally please. Thank you.

To those out there who have bothered to read this, thank you, and now I appeal to you as smart people- What’s the best Video Editing software out there? I’m looking to make videos for online as culled from a variety of sources, including .wmv and .flv types, is there a program that can handle both into one? I need to know so I can obtain it… by totally legal means…

Part 1, Part 2. I’m sure you’ve worked that out by now. Let’s keep going.

Phase 7- Knox out, Nattie in, MsChif and Melissa holding.

Rebecca Knox’s dream run of pissing people off left and right ended up costing her, as she got a severe neck injury in Germany and thus was out of wrestling for a long time, and thus SHIMMER was forced to move on. This also led to a few women having to think about their situations. Daizee Haze, for instance, had to choose a new opponent for her hour long time limit match, and challenged Melissa, who accepted. The undercard still chugged along (Tiana Ringer beating Lorelei Lee and Ariel beat Cindy Rodgers), as did The Experience, who defeated Serena Deeb and Portia Perez.

But then came Rain taking on MsChif. And it appeared, at first, to mirror the previous encounters that MsChif had had with people. She focused on her opponent until Cheerleader Melissa came out and distracted her. But this time both Melissa and MsChif ended up on the receiving end of a beat down from Rain and her buddy Lacey, MsChif winning by DQ due to a chain shot but still hurting.

A few more matches took place, Allison Danger making Amber O’Neal tap like a…, well, like a girl, Nikki Roxx damm near killing Lacey with the Barbie Crusher, Mercedes Martinez maintained her standing with a win over LuFisto before challenging Sara Del Rey to finally get their rematch for the next show, right after Del Rey’s impressive win over Nattie Neidhart.

But then came the Hour Time Limit match. Haze, who by know was SHIMMER’s version of Batista (since she seemed to always be in the main event, not because she was a slow, lumbering cry-baby who needed a GPS to find even a vague sense of what to do in a match), taking on Cheerleader Melissa, SHIMMER’s answer to… The Undertaker I suppose, which is a weird thing when you think of it.

Regardless, the two had a superb match, lasting nearly half an hour before Melissa Kudo Drove her way to victory.

And then The Minnesota Homewrecking Crew, Lacey and Rain, came in and started beating on Melissa. And of all people to save her, MsChif ran out to save her long time rival and thus respected opponent, thus necessitating a match between the 4 for the following show.

Events from one show leading to the next? What sort of crazy world is this…

Phase 8- An experience tag team beating two bigger singles stars? AH, my brain just exploded!

SHIMMER Volume 8 was a show filled with the expected and the unexpected alternating with each match.

You would expect the much more experienced Lexie Fyfe to defeat Lorelei Lee, even with Lee’s shock win over Fyfe’s partner in #3. And Fyfe did, pinning the Country Gal cleanly.

You expected Cindy Rogers to defeat Serena Deeb, and then help her up and shake her hand and be a good sport about beating her. And while yes, Cindy did beat Serena. But her post match attacks, laying in several stomps to her downed opponent for no apparent reason was not expected.

LuFisto beating Allison Danger with a borderline choke was something you wouldn’t see coming but made sense when you watched it. LuFisto was desperate to prove a point after losing to Mercedes earlier in the show, to prove that Canadian Gals were tough, and Allison is the sort of woman you can see winning or losing any given match. The respect shown by LuFisto after the match was an unexpected bonus, after the way Knox had acted when she came in, it was nice to see not all foreigners were bitches.

Amber O’Neal got past Josie fairly easily, which was expected going in.

Nikki Roxx then managed to surprise the veteran Malia Hosaka with a roll up, which really surprised most everyone, in that while Roxx was clearly a star on the rise getting past a 20 year vet like Malia with a roll up was a real head turner.

And then, in a totally shocking ending, Nattie Neidhart beat Ariel with, get this, a Sharpshooter! A Canadian, a Hart family member, using the Sharpshooter? That’s unheard of!

Daizee Haze’s recovering from being dropped on her head was a nice surprise, her win over Tiana Ringer a nice expected occurrence.

But then in a match that to a WWE fan is like kryptonite to Superman, The Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew, a tag team that had been together for a while, Lacey and Rain both knowing each other very well, actually BEAT Cheerleader Melissa and MsChif, two of SHIMMER’s biggest singles competitors who had only just buried the hatchet. The Crew won in the short term, but long term was another matter as the match only confirmed Melissa and MsChif’s respect, as they shook hands after the match.

And then, to send the fans home shocked, Mercedes Martinez proved to be the woman to end Sara Del Rey’s SHIMMER winning streak, beating her long term rival to send a message to the world, that she was here, and she would not be ignored!

She would then have to sit out for a year with a severe injury.

Phase 9- Even Sting eventually spot the pattern.

Poor, poor Allison Danger. She just couldn’t see things coming.

Although to be fair to her, it had been debuting wrestlers up until now, and since she was teaming with someone she trusted, and the debuts were elsewhere, she must have thought she was safe.

I mean, Eden Black debuted with a submission win over Rain, (Garden of Eden. Heh) so clearly she was on the side of peace and justice. And Alexa Thatcher, while debuting with a loss to Ariel, was also clearly on the pro-puppy dogs and fireworks side of moral judgement.

And Cindy Rogers, Allison thought, she had got back to that side as well. Cindy’s ‘actions’ in the past two shows she had put down to just a bad mood (well, she may have thought it was something much more personal but I’m not about to start throwing terms like PMS about, if only because that group from WWF sucked), and Allison was sure, SURE, that it was ok now, and that the two of them would work as a unit and defeat The Experience easily.

Of course, given the build up I’ve just given, of course Rogers turned on Allison. The Experience got the win, and Allison had a score to settle in episode 10.

Portia ‘Cute Little Jailbaiter’ Perez and Josie then squared off, both looking to finally get an entry in the win column for SHIMMER. And it turned out to be Portia, albeit with the help of a steel chain, which is hardly a proper way to win a match, but then at this point I’d imagine she was desperate for any sort of win.

Rebecca Bayless then made her debut in SHIMMER, interviewing Daffney who remained mysterious and tight-lipped as to her intentions, although she would one day step into the SHIMMER ring to wrestle, for now she would just manage.

Amber O’Neal lost to Daizee Haze and Nikki Roxx Crushed another Barbie, this time Tiana Ringer to further rise up the ladder, so much so that she felt comfortable challenging the winner of the main event for #10. Lacey then got past Serena Deep, and then came the designated Amazing Kong Bitch Killing for the evening. Considering the Bitch Killed was MsChif, this was even more impressive than usual. But then it was MsChif’s fault for challenging Kong in the first place.

This was not the main event however, as Melissa took on Sara Del Rey for the right, apparently, to fight the rising star of Nikki Roxx later that evening. And Del Rey proved that perhaps Mercedes’ win was a fluke, as she defeated Melissa with the Royal Butterfly and seemed to be back on the winning path just as quickly as she had got off it.

Phase 10- Jockeying for position

The 10th SHIMMER event quickly and suddenly had its mood change when it was announced that a 16 woman tournament would be held across the next 2 shows to crown the first ever SHIMMER Champion.

Although this wasn’t announced until halfway through the show, and thus the earlier matches ended up becoming more important only in retrospect. Portia Perez continued her naughty ways with a… clean win over Ariel.

Rain staked a claim for a high seed by beating 3 other women, pinning Alexa Thatcher in a ROH style 4 Corner Survival match, beating Thatcher (obviously) as well as Josie and Malia Hosaka.

And the ‘Definition of Technician’ Cindy Rogers both elevated herself and proved that she knew what she was doing by turning to the full carb beer and cheat codes side of the coin when she defeated Allison Danger, feet on the ropes like a good bad girl.

Serena Deeb defeated Lexie Fyfe in a slight upset, which turned out to be fortuitus as the 16 Woman Tourney was then announced, thus Deeb being lucky that she didn’t suffer from nerves going in.

MsChif then proved that she was set to be a force to be reckoned with in the tournament as she revealed that she now had Daffney as a manager, Daffney (inadvertently) assisting her to defeat Amber O’Neal. Eden Black also proved her reckoning-level force with a solid win over Tiana Ringer.

Many people’s odds-on favourite (assuming Amazing Kong didn’t get a spot and that they didn’t bet on the actually proper odds on favourite of Sara Del Rey), Cheerleader Melissa then buoyed said people’s hopes with a good, if slightly delayed win over Lacey, Melissa letting Lacey stall for far too long.

Amazing Kong then entered the ring. Daizee Haze was her opponent.

10 minutes later, Haze was demolished and Kong had killed another bitch. As she tended to do.

But while that match was entertaining as heck, it was the main event that was interesting. After losing to Kong, Roxx had gone on a streak, moving up the ladder quickly. And Sara Del Rey had only one blemish on her record, against a woman nursing a severe injury. The two were set to collide in a match was would decide a large part of the future of the company. The two women stepped into the ring, they let it all hang out, and-

No, not that way. Perverts.

They went at it hard and fast, and in a hell of a match, Del Rey managed to survive the onslaught and pin Roxx.