The Cheers ‘n Jeers of Wrestling 11.10.08: Jericho Wins the Title, Mike Adamle is Gone, the Raw Dance Off and More!

Hi everybody! Crazy week, no? While we all adjust to our new Socialist surroundings, let us hand out some cheers, before they are taken and handed out for us…

Reunited and it feels so good

JEERS
to Mike Adamle for succumbing to the mental rigors of the job and resigning from his GM post before Shane O Mac could even respond to Randy Orton‘s ultimatum. C’mon, Mike! You could have hung in there a little longer. You’re the fuckin’ GM of Raw, dude. Just make Orton fight ten other guys or something. Word has it that Adamle will be assuming an off-camera role from here on out and unless something dramatic occurs, I suspect the words “Mike Adamle” and “because he wasn’t very good” will go on to become answers in many future editions of ask 411.

And thus, another failed administration comes to an end.

CHEERS
to the (mercifully not pants-off) dance off on RAW that had me wondering if the hallucinogens I took on Hallowe’en were kicking back in. Kung Fu Naki and Goldust bumped butts, while Sgt Slaughter, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan and Goldust’s dad showed they’re not too old to get down. Jesse, Festus, Hornswoggle, Lillian Garcia and Boogeyman got in on the fun and they were soon joined by the most lurid character of all, Michael Cole. No, nobody really “got over” and if there was story advancement happening, I sure didn’t catch wind of it, but if the sight of leprechauns, hillbillies, war heroes, pretend kings, pretend queens, closet monsters and closeted homosexuals dancing together in the ring didn’t put a smile on your face and remind you why wrestling, and by extension, this country, is so great, than I have nothing but pity for you.

Don’t let the suit fool you…this guy can go down like nobody’s business. Whoops, I meant get down. Yeah.

JEERS
to Bret “The Hitman” Haas, who made his unfunny debut this week on RAW. The impersonation was fine, but Charlie should’ve known that WWE audiences don’t like getting tricked into thinking Bret Hart is coming out when he’s not, and the character predictably landed with a thud well before Kozlov put his hands on him. Personally, I’d like to see Charlie get a little more ambitious with his characters, perhaps next coming out as a tag team. Maybe he could show up as the Coll-Haas-al Connection, with Charlie running back and forth as Haasku and Haasdre the Giant. Oh, or maybe he could show up as the Ro-Haas-ckers, and alternate between the personas of HaasBK and a total fuck-up who gets fired all the time. Either way, I do look forward Charlie’s next stunt, as they have mostly been winners.

Fish! (not pictured: the barrel)

CHEERS
to Scott Steiner for his borderline ridiculous, but completely enthralling promo at the top of Impact. Scott took full advantage of the fact that half breed is no longer the hurtful and insensitive slur it once was, calling Samoa Joe one, and a fat fuck to boot. Say what you will about Scott, and there is much to say, but he made the most of his mic time and helped get the opening segment off to a roaring start.

Joe & friends came out to repudiate the fat fuck remark and announce Christian Cage as their newest member, forcing Cage to clarify that he hasn’t chosen a side but he’s definitely not down with the Mafia (all but guaranteeing his loss this Sunday). Overall I thought it was a fantastic start and one that caught anybody up to speed with the main program who may only tune in from time to time, or may have been tuning in for the first time. It’s no secret that Sting, Steiner and Nash are three names that don’t excite me in 2008, but I have to hand it to TNA, the new vs old storyline has been strong thus far and Impact as a whole has settled into a nice groove lately. It remains to be seen if those burned by TNA’s past foibles will be willing to give them a second (or third, or tenth) chance and it’s too early to tell, what, if any IMPACT (get it?) this program will have on the careers of those participating in it, but TNA may just be on the verge of entering into one of it’s most interesting eras. Hopefully they don’t derail themselves with a bunch of goofy bullshit and shockingly pointless swerves.

SNIFF MY GREATNESS! (yeah, he actually said that)

JEERS
though, to Samoa Joe for losing the main event Old Fat Guy vs Young Fat Guy match to Steiner. Joe shouldn’t be losing crappy matches to over-the-hill booty enthusiasts that easily, especially with his standing already in disrepair coming off a relatively short and uninspiring run at the top. Joe should be a guy TNA wants to protect a little better, lest he one day seek bigger opportunities in entertainment land. I’m just sayin’.

CHEERS
to Paul Heyman for nailing it in his latest assessment of the WWE and what they need to do to make inroads back to creating compelling, must-see programs. I don’t know that Heyman has all the answers, but I do know that it’s a crying shame that Heyman’s keen wrestling mind isn’t being put to better use. Paul hinted that he might be sniffing around for employment at the end of his rant and RAW does need a new GM now…c’mon, Vince! Make it happen!

Unlike most people who write about wrestling in their mom’s basement, this guy actually used to work in the business

CHEERS
to The Great Khali, who made his first-ever “Make-A-Wish” appearance last week, though one could say he’s been making dreams come true for weeks now. A 17-year-old named Jon Espita requested a meet and greet, which occurred prior to a Smackdown taping. I’m a sucker for charity work and I like that Khali is making the most of his newfound (if not confounding) popularity. The Great one now has a background in law enforcement, movies, professional wrestling and charity work. Hmmm…don’t rule out the possibility of a future political run for the big guy.

Future head of Homeland Security and Chief Secretary of gettin’ it on with fat chicks

CHEERS
to THE Brian Kendrick for finally making it into the new Smackdown vs Raw game as the Cheers ‘n Jeers of Wrestling had wistfully hoped for so many weeks ago. He brought his former partner Paul London along with him, and if the ever-optimistic IWC is to be believed, that may soon be the only place you’ll be able to catch Paul. All told, the roster is pretty good, with the usual, frustrating (though perfectly understandable to due time constraints) omissions, like Vladimir Kozlov and Ted Dibiase (jr). And of course, there are many out-dated selections that nobody wants like Chuck Palumbo and Hardcore Holly (I know he’s still on the roster, but c’mon). It’s pretty stacked though, and I’d say it’s a stronger list than last year’s, with no legends, but that’s to be expected in light of the Legends of Wrestlemania offshoot slated for next spring.

Speaking of Brian Kendrick,
JEERS
to Michael Cole for referring to Brian Kendrick as ‘The Brian Kendrick’. It’s THE Brian Kendrick, cheesedick. Don’t forget it.

JEERS
to Paul london and Chuck Palumbo for proving my written-the-night-before-the-news-came-out paragraph in the preceding cheers to be eerily prophetic and getting the axe from the WWE. Palumbo, who is unfortunately now with walking papers, is a sad case, somebody who I had nothing but apathy for but who had begun to earn his keep, more than holding his own in a couple of great encounters with Finlay earlier this year. London, of course, is the epitome of an under-utilized “entertainer”, languishing in dark match jobber hell while his equally talented former partner has been tearing it up on Smackdown. London will probably have his pick of where he wants to go from here, as I’m sure ROH and TNA would both welcome him with open arms. Palumbo’s prospects are slightly dimmer, but I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of him.

Anybody up for a sexy reunion?

JEERS
to the release of Super Crazy, which he asked for as he was unhappy with the direction of his career. Apparently Crazy feels he can do better than lose two minute matches on the odd Smackdown, and I can’t really argue with that, but despite the fact that he hasn’t been up to much in the last year, I’ve always liked Crazy and his presence will be missed. He is not in the Smackdown vs Raw 2009 game.

JEERS
to Evan Bourne‘s partial deltoid tear. We knew last week that he was hurt, but what we didn’t know is that the injury will see him gone for about four months, which is just terrible news for former indy, and current ECW darling. Hopefully his employers don’t forget that he received an overwhelming 69% of the Cyber Sunday vote and with the advent of DVD technology, they’d really have no excuse to.

CHEERS
To this picture, which was found most randomly, of Kelly Kelly going to the bathroom in a sink.

Not that it needs one, but you can leave your captions in the comment box.

*CHEERS* of the week
to you, America, for doing something that I would have thought you incapable of doing a mere 12 months ago: elect a person of color to your highest office. I’m sure it’s become cliche to say by now, but as I write this at 11:57 PM Tuesday night, it’s pretty fucking neat to see this hurdle jumped, whatever side of the political fence you’re on. Bonus CHEERS to George W. Bush for doing so badly at his job that a black man (shut up) named Barack Hussein Obama could not only get it, but be seen as the “safe” choice in light of all that Republican blunder and plunder. Yes, we did, but we wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, Dubya.

One America I’m still not impressed by

*JEERS* of the week
to California for fucking up and passing prop 8 (sorry bible thumpers, but it was a fuck up), marring an otherwise great election night and ensuring that we’re still at least one bad Adam Sandler gay marriage comedy away from securing the rights of these fine and fabulous folk.

I now pronounce you fat and unfunny

What’s good in the hood or this is what I read on 411 today:

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So that about wraps up another stupid edition of my crappy column. I’ve decided that today is “opposite day”, so I was actually paying myself a compliment. Feel free to leave your shitty comments, and stick around for the terrible Stephen Randle’s awful news experience. Have a rotten week, everybody!