wrestling / Columns
Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch News Report 11.09.08
Greetings, humanity! Welcome to Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch in a historic week. A week where we saw something that had never happened before, and there was widespread rejoicing. An event that made the whole world sit up and take note. Yes, Randle wrote a good column this week. Oh yeah, and some dude from Illinois won some vote thing. I’ve been so delirious (not the emo lizard man) with happiness all week that my rant is only minor, but it irritates me every time I see it.
WrestleMania is a spectacle, a tradition in wrestling that has enjoyed immense success. To be able to sell over 60,000 tickets every year before the card is even announced is remarkable and to have kept it going for 25 years is even more so. This year is a big celebration, but not for the reason WWE would have you believe.
It’s not rocket science, guys. The 25th ANNIVERSARY of something happens 25 years AFTER the first one, as in WrestleMania XXVI. This is the 25th BIRTHDAY. I guess I shouldn’t expect better from a company who can’t add total years on TV, can’t count title reigns and can’t add the number of episodes that they’ve had, but I do. A lot of fuss was made about the 3-hour 800th episode celebration being episode 806, but I stayed out of it because WWE weren’t saying it was the 800th episode, they were saying it was the CELEBRATION of the 800th episode. They’re not using semantics to get out of this one though. Someone go to Stamford and slap around a few marketing guys, will ya!
The Spread~!
WWE conference call highlights
Turning Point by the numbers
The Week in Links!
Kevin Thorn’s new gimmick
Random Video Interlude!
Smackdown vs Raw 09 character list announced
Espresso Shots!
Just for fun…
The Tip Jar!
Forward-moving statements
WWE’s investor conference call normally talks business. This time, it made a couple of interesting points
Usually, JP’s Saturday Hamilton Avenue Journal would be the news report that jumped on the quarterly investor’s conference call with Linda McMahon. Having perused the notes I came across a couple of points which I thought needed to be addressed to you, my loyal readers. The first of those is the obviously bad news that WWE earnings were down 37%, with both buy rates and TV ratings taking a dive. The attempt to blame buy rates for the entire quarter on the Olympics, which affected one PPV, is not washing with me. I’m sure they affected SummerSlam, but there were others. With less money to spend, more people should be watching TV in the coming months (especially in winter), so if ratings for TV at least don’t go up then the next quarter’s numbers could be considerably worse. They also mentioned that they will be cutting $20 million in expenses, which is probably why MVP hasn’t had his bonus kick in yet. I mean, why the releases are coming again.
And lo and behold, come they did. First to go was Super Crazy, who had allegedly asked for his release after being unhappy with the way he was being used. Rumours that this was due to his dressing room being too far from the buffet table could not be confirmed. Crazy will more than likely head to AAA or CMLL where his talents are a good fit. Soon after, both Paul London and Chuck Palumbo were wished the best in their future endeavours. Neither had been seen on TV in forever, so keeping them under contract was a waste of money for WWE. The Indy marks are already drooling over Paul London going back to RoH (maybe, but more likely to go to TNA) and Palumbo? He’s big and he has talent, he’d be welcome in TNA, Mexico, Japan, NWE or pretty much anywhere.
In my mind the most significant talking point from the call came when Linda McMahon acknowledged that TNA was competition to WWE. As far as I’m aware, this is the first time that anyone from WWE management has publicly agreed that TNA was competition. Is this a sign that WWE with their waning ratings are feeling the heat from a generally superior in-ring product from TNA? Unless they are both blind and stupid, they should be. That would normally be a good thing, since it would cause me to believe that WWE would step up their game with better in-ring product, better writing and better booking. The next point might lead some to believe that’s not the case.
Linda followed up this admission by saying that TNA is as much competition as any other form of entertainment. In other words, not only have WWE moved their announcers away from “wrestling”, but it appears they are now moving away from it wholeheartedly. In a way it makes sense: there is only so much money that people have to spend on diversions, and WWE has to compete not just with TNA but also MMA, NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, MLS, NCAA, NASCAR and various other acronyms, not to mention the cinema, video games, concerts and countless other outlets for entertainment. They’ve carved out their niche and it seems like they’re not trying to expand it. That would worry me, but this is not a time for expansion, more for solidifying what you have and looking to retain. Unfortunately for those of us who enjoy the wrestling side, WWE’s fan base right now is younger and wants to be amused, so expect more dance-doffs in the ring and less ***** 40-minute classics.
Turning (the channel) Point…in factoids!
Breaking it down, fact by fact
PPV Notes
Sting vs. AJ Styles for the TNA Title
Samoa Joe vs. Kevin Nash
Booker T vs. Christian Cage for the TNA Legends Title
Beer Money Inc. vs. The Motor City Machine Guns for the TNA Tag Team Titles
Abyss vs. Kurt Angle in a Falls Count Anywhere match
Rhino vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir
Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed vs. Taylor Wilde & Roxxi
X Division championship seeding match featuring Sonjay Dutt, Eric Young, Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Petey Williams, Jimmy Rave, Homicide, Doug Williams, Tanahashi and Volador
To see what the 411 staff think will go down, check out the Round Table, led by my protégé Jeremy Thomas. The Csonka will have live coverage tonight.
The Week In Links
After all, what’s a Sunday brunch without the paper?
The shows
Just like a TV Guide that’s a week old
Csonka’s Raw Report. The 3 hour special got a 3.0 rating, the regular hours did a 3.25 average. That’s a decent rating these days, but the show was greatly lacking for a huge celebration.
Bauer’s ECW Report. A very low 0.95 rating for ECW, almost definitely due to the election. However, it leaves the door open for…
Brace for Impact! with Lansdell and Bauer. Back to the norm with a 1.1 rating, but it beat ECW for the first time in about 11 months. Sure there’s a HUGE asterisk next to it, but much like last week’s 1.2 TNA need to use it as a morale booster. This was also up against a very exciting NFL game.
Cook’s Smackdown Report. Last week’s rating was a very low 1.7, either because Smackdown hasn’t been very good recently or because Smackdown’s key demographic were all dressed up as Batman trolling people’s houses for junk food.
Required Reading
Best of the week’s editorials
ARI tries to convince RoH to call Paul. Hey, that rhymes.
Chin does an awesome job of reminding us of the good in WCW.
Sarnecky finishes up his HBK story.
Eubanks gives us a report on the TNA house show in California.
Byers reviews Scott Keith’s latest book. I don’t think he liked it…
Age of the Thorn?
The forgotten Kevin Thorn made an appearance on the WWE Universe this week with an intriguing gimmick
Remember that vampire dude that had a great gimmick with a great look and a spooky yet sexy valet? Then he lost his valet and caught the Mike Knox train to Blandsburgh? Yeah, turns out Vampire Kevin didn’t go to an alternate dimension to rescue his son after all. A blog entry on the WWE universe site just after Halloween showed Thorn, with a similar gothic look to the one he sported as a “follower of vampirism” only with a full beard, holding his young son dressed up for Halloween. Here are some excerpts from the entry:
“Why can’t everyday be like Halloween where it ok to dress up, be a little weird, and try to stick out without the worry of are they looking at me funny asking yourself am I to goth, am I to nerdy, am I geek, am I too scared will they make fun of me? THE ANSWER to all these QUESTIONS is YES!! YES!! YES!!… You know what WHO CARES, because if they are looking at you like that they are wondering if you are doing the same to them.. Everybody has fears and doubts. I KNOW I DID!!…That is why I welcome you to the Brotherhood. The Brotherhood is for the BROKEN, BRUISED, PICKED ON AND ABUSED!!!”
I have to say, this gimmick shows promise. It’s pretty much a rehash of the Ring of Honor Age of the Fall gimmick, but that was a good gimmick in my mind. Emo kids are all the rage these days, so an emo group of wrestlers will draw huge heat from most viewers and still have a core of fans amongst the emo viewers. Like Westerfeld. If they can bring in Elijah Burke (whose last-seen gimmick would have worked great here) and maybe a couple of others who haven’t been seen in ages (Shannon Moore would have been a perfect fit with his look) to fill out The Brotherhood (needs a better name…), they could be on to a winner.
My only issue is how effective this group can be with the toned-down rules in place now. Age of the Fall got so over so fast because they were willing to be brutal to make their point, but the sort of violence they showed would never be accepted in today’s WWE. They also had the whole viral campaign going, which was very well done. Using the blog can help here, and turning the group into a cross between The JOB Squad, The Oddities and Age of the Fallcould make it successful and a proper vehicle for the huge potential that Kevin Thorn has. I can promise you that Vince does not want another talented big man going to join Matt Morgan in TNA!
Random Video Interlude!
It’s all about the marking out. Nostalgia in spades here
How out of date is it this year?
The full list of playable characters for Smackdown vs Raw 2009 has been announced, game released today
Every year when the new Smackdown vs Raw game comes out, the roster tends to become outdated in a hurry. The WWE may have outdone themselves this year. At time of writing, 6 people on the roster (Big Daddy V, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Palumbo, Paul London and Ashley) have already been released, with Elijah Burke and Hardcore Holly on the missing list. There is a distinct lack of Ted DiBiase, Manu, Paul Burchill, Katie Lea, Maryse, Jimmy Wang Yang, Ezekiel, the Bella Twins and a few others that appear rather often, not to mention Evan Bourne. It’s also not clear whether Brian Kendrick will be THE Brian Kendrick. There is talk that Bourne and DiBiase will be downloadable content, however. The question is, why can’t they do something about this?
NBA Live 09 has a dynamic upgrade function that changes each team’s roster as required and updates stats, play tendencies and preferences and so on. Why can’t WWE and THQ set something up to update the roster as required? Each person in the game is just a data file that could be edited remotely, enabling fans to play with an up-to-date roster and preventing WWE from giving free marketing to TNA like they did when Kurt Angle left and was still in that year’s game.
Nonetheless, as I said in my preview of the game, there’s enough potential goodness here to make people buy it. I’ll have a review up a week or so after getting it, so keep your eyes open.
One-line looks at minor news
Vince McMahon no-sold a mention of Kimbo Slice in a recent meeting – He’ll fight Joe the Plumber at WrestleMania 30.
Low Ki had a tryout match with WWE – Nobody really knows how it went, WWE are keeping it low key.
Dawn Marie is pregnant – I guess she froze some of Al’s boys.
Gail Kim really did sign with WWE – They’re just waiting for her to recover from the implant surgery
The Great Khali had his first Make-a-Wish request – Unfortunately it didn’t work, he’s still wrestling.
Adamle likely done with WWE – Well there’s $300,000 of the $20 million freed up.
Mark Jindrak taking stripper dancing lessons in CMLL – In related news, Ashley is in Mexico on vacation
WWE brass concerned about increased marijuana usage – Further proof the company has gone to pot.
JR dishes on Tazz
JR posts a list of things we didn’t know about Tazz. This is just gold.
I couldn’t resist. I really couldn’t.
Tazz wears a size 56 sport coat and has 37-inch sleeves. For a guy under 6 feet, those are some long arms.
Too bad Tazz wasn’t still wrestling. You just know JR would slip that in for each match.
He was a better football nose guard than an offensive guard and was benching over 5 bills when he was in college.
This one goes right over my head, which for Tazz is a neat trick.. The bench press stat is impressive though.
Tazz’s college football career ended when he cursed out the university’s athletic director. (That’ll do it every time.)
I have no trouble picturing that. Tazz always had a short temper.
Tazz’s high school in Brooklyn was much like the H.S. in the movie “Wildcats” starring Goldie Hawn. Dangerous.
And like Dangerous Minds, and like Freedom Writers…
Tazz carries no loose change, so toll roads with no toll booth attendants do not endear themselves to him.
The toll’s about the change…
The best mood he got in was late Tuesday when I introduced him to Steak ‘n Shake and he was soothed by sipping on a vanilla shake.
He’s not the first dark-skinned man to be soothed by sipping on some vanilla…
He owns an Oxford Color Thesaurus and he uses it. I just bought one today. See what an influence Tazz has become already on my career?
Somehow I doubt “slobberknocker” is in the thesaurus.
I strongly suggest that no member of the WWE Universe (OK so I said it) approach the Human Suplex Machine for an autograph while he is dining, and for goodness sakes do not insist on shaking his hand while he is eating.
Doesn’t look like he’s stopped eating for a while. I’ll probably take this advice just to avoid being T-Boned through a fish tank.
Tazz “may be” the Tony Soprano of Long Island Little League baseball but I can’t be sure.
This sentence is just so full of win. Mob boss Tazz…sure, why not?
If you put tomatoes on his sandwich you are likely going to be choked out.
I would seriously pay money to see Tazz bite into a sub at Subway, get a mouthful of tomato, climb a ladder and leap over the counter to apply the Tazzmission to the 16-year-old “sandwich artist”.
The Tip Jar
Your thoughts from last week
Wow, turns out a lot of you watch(ed) Full House. I had a huge Candace Cameron crush back in the day. As someone pointed out, she is now married to former NHLer Valeri Bure. And yes, she is still hot:
Your son gave up on wrestling because he didn’t get a delivery?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Posted By: Matt P (Guest) on November 02, 2008 at 01:06 AM
No, as most seven year old children are wont to do he got very upset when I explained why he couldn’t dress up as his favourite wrestler for Halloween, and now doesn’t want to watch them any more. Where did I say he gave up on wrestling? Wrestling and WWE are not synonymous.
Chris, have to take issue with you about your comment re Lesnar, Rock and Lashley. I might be wrong but your intimation seemed to be that WWE poured a lot of money into each man’s career and they walked away before the investment paid off. Probably true of Lesnar and Lashley but absolutely NOT of Rock, who in tandem with Austin, turned Vince into a billionaire, no question. In fact, I’d say there’s little doubt that Rock is the biggest crossover superstar the WWE ever had, and almost all of that was due to the man’s total awesomeness as a worker, promo guy and talker.
Posted By: APinOz (Guest) on November 02, 2008 at 01:37 AM
In Brock and Lashley’s case it’s definitely true, but it’s not what I was going for. What I meant was that Vince made them into stars, and they left to take advantage of that elsewhere. You’re right though, it’s probably unfair to include Rock in that group. I do often wonder what Rocky could have done on his own had he not had Austin as a foil.
you would think the wwe has learned its lesson and sign more fans instead.
look at all the top talent right now. they were die hard fans first, wrestlers second: hhh, hbk, edge, jericho, hardyz, punk, bourne, the miz, and striker.
Posted By: rey (Guest) on November 02, 2008 at 08:36 AM
You raise an interesting point, even if some of your examples (Miz? Striker?) aren’t exactly poster boys for success. Fans and guys with a family history in the business tend to be the ones who stick, so why do they go for others?
Well folks I’m outta here. I have a stack of DVDs waiting to review, a stack of games waiting to review, and a stack of porn….never mind. Randle, Cook, Clark, JP and the Wrestler of the Week crowd are in tomorrow. I’ll be back Wednesday with Ask411. Until then Stay Cool, Rock Hard.
Lansdellicious – Out.
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