Friendly Competition 03.10.07

Am I the only one who thinks that Minnie Driver sounds like the name of a wrestling move? Just sayin’.

ECW World Champion: Bobby Lashley (Champion Since 12/3/2006)
NWA World Champion: Christian Cage (Champion Since 1/14/2007)

1)Rob Van Dam
2)Samoa Joe
3)Scott Steiner
4)Kurt Angle
5)Elijah Burke
6)Rhino
7)Tomko
8)Hardcore Holly
9)James Storm
10)Lance Hoyt

Dickhead Of The Week: Balls Mahoney

I guess that if they did have to pick four out of the five ECW Originals to represent the group against the New Breed, that would leave Balls Mahoney out in the cold, but they could still have him do something more productive than do jobs to Matt Striker and Hardcore Holly every week. Oh yeah, and get beat up by Snitsky. I suppose that since Stevie Richards is never on TV, this makes Balls Mahoney the only jobber on ECW. Way to go Balls!

Vital Social Issues N’ Stuff With Stuart

Three months ago, who would have ever thought that Vince McMahon would involve the ECW World Champion in his own match at Wrestlemania? Granted, that may have more to do with Bobby Lashley than the ECW Title, but if nothing else this can be a big boost to the brand just by having the news talking about “the ECW Champion Bobby Lashley” being Trump’s protege at Wrestlemania. Sure, it might not make the same difference if he were, say, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s representative, but I’d be willing to bet that some of the small increase in ratings over the last couple of weeks can be attributed to the Vince vs Trump angle as much, if not more than the ECW Originals vs New Breed angle.

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As cool as I think the Trump vs Vince angle spilling onto ECW is, I think the idea of CM Punk ever joining the ECW Originals is totally lame. Let’s put aside the fact that logically speaking, he CAN’T be an ECW Original having never wrestled there, but what would be gained by putting Punk with them? Yes, I know he’s a big babyface and all, but you’d be sticking him with what WWE views as a bunch of fossils, jobbers who are lucky to even have an angle on ECW right now. I hope nobody bitches about CM Punk turning heel and joining the New Breed, which I really, really hope he does instead of being a “free agent” or something. I’ve seen plenty of Punk’s heel work in both ROH and FIP and for as good as he is as a babyface, he is fucking phenomenal as a heel. The guy can cut heel promos that Ric Flair wishes he could pull out, and really does a goot job of connecting with the audience. I think that if they turned Punk and gave him a big push, maybe even having him beat Lashely for the ECW Title, he could be the guy who can carry ECW. I have no doubt that he’s capable of it, but is it a direction they’re willing to go with him at this point?

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Seriously, is the whole weekly dance by Kelly and company actually going anywhere, or is it just fluff because Vince thinks people only tune in to see boobies? I really hope this is leading to some kind of big angle, maybe to have somebody look like a big jerk by coming out and interrupting and/or attacking them, but I don’t know how the payoff could be big enough to warrant them getting this much TV time. I think by now we realize that Kelly is totally useless. I don’t know what WWE sees in her, but she does not deserve a job in this company. She’s not even that pretty compared to the other two, which makes it even worse. Unless Snitsky comes out and wipes all three of them out and somebody comes out to stop him so that HIS angle finally goes somewhere, Extreme Expose and Snitsky are just a pair of time killers that are eating up time that could be used to further develop the ECW Originals vs New Breed angle that IS going somewhere.

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For as big a deal as he was a year, year and a half ago, it really sucks to see what TNA’s doing with Rhino right now. I mean, the guy is a great wrestler, he’s got a character that the crowd likes and seems to care about, so what do you do with him? Get him into a nonsensical feud with AJ Styles, have him lose repeatedly, and have him be the extraneous mystery partner in a six man tag that has nothing to do with you and you are taken out of early. Paul Heyman once said that he planned to turn Rhino into a huge babyface if ECW continued, and had no doubt that it would have worked because he thought Rhino was that good. Rhino’s vignettes where he talked about his past in Detroit were great stuff that turned him into a great sympathetic babyface, as ridiculous as that sounds. Yes, a sympathetic babyface has to get his ass kicked a lot to be a sympathetic babyface, but he still has to win something every once in a while or nobody’s going to care anymore. I’m really worried that people are just going to give up on Rhino as he quickly slides back into the position in TNA that he was in when he left WWE.

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Seriously, how awesome is Scott Steiner? The guy’s just got such a presence, he totally pops me when he goes up to his friends and says everything but “fuck you” to him, he looks like a million bucks, he’s a convincing monster who really looks like he could kill anyone, and to me he’s more interesting than either Tomko or Christian, or Joe or Angle for that matter. Sure, he’s not as young as he used to be, but he doesn’t need to be because he’s so good at being a sick bastard who has no remorse or compassion and needs no friends. I’ve always called him a northern version of Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I think the shoe really fits because, the same way Steve Austin was more over than the guys who were supposed to be more over than him in 1997, I find Scott Steiner a hell of a lot more entertaining than anyone else in TNA right now. I think he’s probably the only guy in the entire promotion who is being booked well at this point. I’m really looking forward to seeing him against Kurt Angle at Destination X because I admit it, I’ve always wanted to see them wrestle one another just to see the sheer joy of workrate (which I do believe they can both still pull out when needed to) and sick suplexes (which neither man has any shortage of). With the exception of Joe vs Angle and also Joe vs Steiner, I’m probably looking more forward to this match than any other since I started watching TNA regularly.

The Rob Van Dam Contract Watch

With the knowledge that the ECW Revival wouldn’t be faithful to the original, Rob Van Dam has been open about the fact that he’ll be exploring his options when his contract comes up in late 2007/early 2008. Each week, I will give expert analysis on Van Dam’s activity in WWE/ECW in what may be his final year with the company.

Van Dam gets a nice bump on his score this week by going over the leader of the New Breed in a reasonably clean victory. Now he’s going to Wrestlemania to join up with the other ECW Originals to face those young whippersnappers in the New Breed.

This Week’s Adjustment: +3
Overall Contract Renewal Score: 1

Links To Stuff You Can Read

Andy Clark has part two of the Undertaker Report Card in The Shimmy.

Sam Berman goes all ROH on us with Jack Evans vs Davey Richards in The Independent Mid-Card, coming to you from the best wrestling show I ever attended live.

Julian Williams cranks you in the face with The Top Ten Wrestlemania performers off all time. I like his choices.

Daniel Wilcox tells us all about Chris Jericho, Christian, Trish Stratus, and The Wrestlemania Screwjob – Part 1.

Theo Fraser gets in on the ROH fun with his ROH Fifth Year Festival Adventure. With this, I think we had 411 representation at every show on the Fifth Year Festival. Awesome.

Steve Cook answers our questions in the special Thursday Edition of Ask 411 Wrestling.

Finally, Bayani loves the Asians in Truth B Told.

What Did We Learn This Week?

In all things, there is at least one lesson to be learned. Here I will impart upon you what I took away from the weekly television of ECW, TNA, and WSX. You too can learn important life lessons from Kevin Thorn and Maverick Matt, and are encouraged to send in your own revalations.

This week on ECW On Sci-Fi, I learned that…

-In WWE’s world, you can be an ECW Original even if you were never IN the original ECW.

-Even Vinthe McMahon can’t wethitht the powew of Bobby Lathley.

-It doesn’t matter if you can’t wrestle, talk, dance, or do the friggin’ CARTWHEEL they expect you to do every week, if you’re blond and under 110 lbs, you have a job with WWE.

This week on TNA Impact, I learned that…

-Rhino is CRAZY!!!

-There’s no resisting the allure of S&M.

-So Cal Val has the easiest job on the planet…except for this week.

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Well, that’s it for me. I’ll be back tomorrow with the Ominous Thoughts News Report, and then another block of Stuart-free weekdays! So until tomorrow…brave heart, Tegan.