The Wrestling News Experience: 10.13.08

Monday, October 13th, 2008

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, seemingly the only writer left on 411 who hasn’t developed some weird man-crush on The Great Khali. Seriously, people, what’s wrong with you?

That said, it is Thanksgiving up here in the Great White North, and that means, as always, a massive turkey dinner, possibly one of the greatest meals in the history of great meals. Anyway, this year’s edition is notable for my girlfriend coming along for the first holiday spent around my family. And it only took nearly two years to happen, too. I did take the opportunity of having an entire weekend off for once to visit a little jeweller’s place that I know of, but I know she’s reading this report, so as far as you know, my time there was uneventful. Shh.

Moving on.

PPV In Review – TNA Bound For Glory IV

Jay Lethal won the Steel Asylum match involving Sonjay Dutt, Super Eric, Curry Man, Shark Boy, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Petey Williams, Johnny Devine and Jimmy Rave

Steel Asylum, of course, being the renamed TerrorDome, due to someone holding rights to the name. Does it seem odd to anyone else that, for a match they’re allegedly trying to make a new staple gimmick of TNA, they keep just throwing it on in the card in a meaningless multi-man opening match? I mean, I know Kaz got to be in the World title match last time, but that was just the emergency plan.

ODB, Rhaka Khan, and Rhino defeated Cute Kip and The Beautiful People (Rhino pinned Kip, Gore)

Sheik Abdul Bashir defeated Consequences Creed to retain the TNA X-Division title (pinfall, The Official Finisher of the X-Division)

Taylor Wilde defeated Awesome Kong and Roxxi in a Triple Threat match to retain the TNA Knockouts Title (Wilde pinned Roxxi, bridging German suplex)

Beer Money, Inc, defeated Abyss & Matt Morgan, Team 3D, and LAX in a Monster’s Ball Match to retain the TNA Tag Team titles (Roode pinned Hernandez, 3D through tack-filled table)

Booker T defeated Christian Cage and AJ Styles in a Triple Threat match

You know, the way Christian’s been losing matches lately (I assume due to his contract running out and TNA wisely not wanting to push another guy who could leave tomorrow), it wouldn’t shock me if he was back in WWE by WrestleMania.

Jeff Jarrett defeated Kurt Angle (pinfall, guitar shot)

Sting defeated Samoa Joe to win the TNA World title (pinfall, Scorpion Death Drop following Nash-ference)

Ah, there’s that shocking swerve we’ve been waiting for a few PPVs now. And thus Samoa Joe’s first World title reign comes to a close, and you’d be hard-pressed to find many people who can say that it wasn’t a disappointment. Of course, now a lot of people will come out of the woodwork to defend the reign, but really, they’re just disagreeing because I’m the one who said it. Deep down, they know.

What’s On Tap: WWE Raw for October 13th

This week on Raw, most of the promotion has been centered on the fact that the Great Khali has invited Johnny Knoxville to Raw to answer for insulting the Punjabi giant on his show. This despite the fact that Khali is not a member of the Raw roster. But, it’s semi-mainstream publicity with a C-list actor, so you know WWE will milk it for everything they can.

Amidst the silliness, Chris Jericho is coming off his power trip as the temporary Raw GM, and one might expect that Batista will be all up in his grill over his treatment last week. Plus, Jericho has to worry about the upcoming Cyber Sunday match, where he has a 66% chance of having a special referee who probably won’t be inclined to see things his way. And frankly, nobody’s going to vote for Randy Orton, so it’s more like 99.5%. (These statistics brought to you by the same person who made up the chance that the champion would retain in the Unforgiven Scramble matches).

Plus, CM Punk and Kofi Kingston seem destined for a massive collision with Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes, and ditto for Cryme Tyme and The Miz & John Morrison. Hopefully they don’t let them argue for an entire match on commentary this time. Didn’t Miz and Morrison get in trouble for doing that once already?

In addition, don’t forget, this thing between Kane and Rey Mysterio is so not over. And with all the promos that have been running, you never know when a certain former WWE champion might re-enter the fray of Raw.

Around The Horn

I’m not entirely sure how people felt about the new news format, since the Comments section broke down into “Surfing Bird” references almost immediately. I suppose it’s only fair, the damn episode is the reason my report was an extra half hour late last week. Anyway, I’m going back to the old format this week, so we’ll say goodbye, once again, to my arch-nemesis, David Camell.

Curse you, Randle! I will return and have my vengeance someday!

Can’t wait. But don’t get too comfortable with my return to the old format, readers, for I could change my mind again at any moment.

Breaking news, it seems that Kevin Nash has been seen backstage at Bound For Glory. This may indicate that Nash has indeed re-signed with TNA.

Noted best friend of the very newsworthy Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, is in some trouble this week for attempting to assault a comedian at a roast in honour of the Iron Sheik. In the hours following the incident, it has come out that the reason for Hall’s ire being raised is an incredibly tasteless joke told by the comedian in relation to the tragically deceased Owen Hart, one which I will not repeat here. It’s a little sad that human nature has declined so far that a man can make a callous reference to such a tragic event, claim it to be in line with the accepted nature of “roasts”, and have people come out to defend him. All I’m going to say is that if I’d been there, I would have probably have stopped Hall before he went after the comedian. Long enough to hand him a bat and wish him good luck.

An update to the Kevin Nash story, it seems he has not actually signed a TNA contract yet, and is still working out the details.

In a story related to the organization that Kevin Nash worked for last, there was reportedly a brawl between TNA employee Hack Myers and an unidentified man who was reportedly intoxicated. Okay, here’s a public service announcement for you idiots out there like this guy. Yes, professional wrestling is “fake”. That does not mean that professional wrestlers cannot f*** you up. They work out for a living, people. They will break you.

In news that is in no way related to Kevin Nash, Kelly Kelly recently came out that she will not, in fact, be doing Playboy. Although it may not seem like that to all you disappointed horndogs, this is an excellent career move for WWE’s youngest Diva. After all, every Diva to previously appear in Playboy no longer works for WWE. Except Candice Michelle, who just suffered a couple gruesome injuries in lieu of unemployment. I suppose she’s the lucky one.

Another update just coming in on the wildly popular Kevin Nash rumours, apparently there is still a chance that he could sign with WWE to make a triumphant return as Diesel, and may even be negotiating with Johnny Ace as we speak.

TNA, the organization that Kevin Nash, as previously mentioned, last appeared for, recently handed down the latest iteration of their company’s new drug policy, which is remarkable for its lack of detail beyond a 30-day suspension for violators. Well, WWE put out a massive document with detailed procedures and penalties, and everybody does nothing but question and mock it. Maybe TNA saw that and decided to go in the opposite direction.

And yet another breaking report on the Nash front, he has been advertised as appearing at an upcoming NWA show in British Columbia. This may possibly indicate that Nash intends to defect and become a Canadian citizen, because everyone knows that the best wrestlers in the world are Canadian. Or Test.

Speaking of something that is invariably tied to Kevin Nash’s career, TNA Impact suffered some lower ratings this past week, while Smackdown’s debut on MyNetwork TV resulted in the network’s highest rating of all time, which would be more impressive if MyNetwork TV had any programming worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning, however, is that MyNetwork TV did manage to beat at least one other network on Friday night. That would be the former home of Smackdown, the CW. You know, last week I discovered that the CW cancelled the sitcom Reba for the exact same reason they cancelled Smackdown: it didn’t fit the “image” of the network. Okay, so we know they don’t want pro wrestling fans to watch, and now I guess they don’t want fans of country superstar Reba McIntire either. I think we’re finally managing to narrow down that elusive magical demographic that the CW is looking for. Actually, I’m just more confused than ever.

And before I leave this segment, Kevin Nash returned to TNA last night at the Bound For Glory PPV, seeming to indicate that he has either signed a new deal with TNA, or is about to. And thus ends the glorious saga of Kevin Nash and his mysterious contract status. I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have.

The Injury Bug Bites

Inactive List as of 10.06.08

WWE Raw

– John Cena, out 2-3 months as of August 27th (neck)
– Hardcore Holly, out indefinitely (rehab)
– Melina, out indefinitely as of June 23rd (fractured heel)
– Randy Orton, out 4-8 months as of June 1st (broken collarbone, re-injured August 15th)

WWE SmackDown

– Hurricane Helms, out indefinitely as of May 17th, 2007 (neck surgery)
– Mr. Kennedy, out 6 months as of August 4th (dislocated shoulder)
– Umaga, out indefinitely as of August 20th (PCL)

ECW

– The Boogeyman, out indefinitely (calf)

TNA

– Kaz, out 4 months as of October 1st (triceps)
– Moose, out 6 months as of July 7th (broken femur)
– Scott Steiner, out 4-6 months as of June 24th (torn ACL)

Transactions

– Dolph Ziggler, RAW, out 30 days as of October 10th (Wellness violation)

How do you manage to violate the Wellness policy when you aren’t even wrestling on TV yet? Does this mean we’ll never see where this gimmick ends up going? Actually, I’m okay with that.

– Dos Caras Jr. CMLL, may or may not have signed with WWE, depending on day of the week.

– Kizarny, SD!, promotional vignettes aired on October 10th Smackdown

I guarantee this ends with a Kizarny-Boogeyman tag team, causing JT’s head to explode and endless amusement for me.

Who’s Holding Gold

WWE

WWE Champion: Triple H
– 169 day reign, defeated former champion Randy Orton, JBL, and John Cena in a Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match on April 27th (Backlash PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Jeff Hardy, Vladimir Kozlov, or both, Fans Choose The Opponent Match, Cyber Sunday PPV

World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Jericho
– 36 day reign, defeated Batista, Rey Mysterio, Kane, and JBL in a Scramble Match on September 7th (Unforgiven PPV) to claim the vacated title.
– Next title defense: vs Batista, Fans Choose The Special Referee Match, Cyber Sunday PPV

ECW Champion: Matt Hardy
– 36 day reign, defeated former champion Mark Henry, The Miz, Finlay, and Chavo Guerrero in a Scramble Match on September 7th (Unforgiven PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Santino Marella
– 57 day reign, with Beth Phoenix, defeated Kofi Kingston and Mickie James in a Winner Take All match on August 17th (Summerslam PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Roddy Piper, Goldust, or The Honky Tonk Man, Fans Choose The Opponent Match, Cyber Sunday PPV

WWE United States Champion: Shelton Benjamin
– 85 day reign, defeated Matt Hardy on July 20th (Great American Bash PPV)

World Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase
– 62 day title reign, defeated Batista and John Cena on August 11th (Raw)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Carlito and Primo Colon
– 17 day reign, defeated Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder on September 26th (Smackdown)

WWE Women’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
– 57 day reign, with Santino Marella, defeated Mickie James and Kofi Kingston in a Winner Take All match on August 17th (Summerslam PPV)

WWE Diva’s Champion: Michelle McCool
– 85 day reign, defeated Natalya Neidhart on July 20th to win the newly-created title (Great American Bash PPV)

TNA

**NEW** TNA Heavyweight Champion: Sting
– 1 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on October 12th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money Inc
– 64 day reign, defeated LAX on August 10th (Hard Justice PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Sheik Abdul Bashir
– 29 day reign, defeated former champion Petey Williams and Consequences Creed in a Triple Threat match on September 14th (No Surrender PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Taylor Wilde
– 95 day reign, defeated Awesome Kong on July 10th (Impact)

Links For Fun And Nonprofit

Lansdell and Prag have the weekend news reports.

Bond has Against The Grain.

Michael O has Cheers n Jeers.

Short has The Navigation Log.

Ari has Column of Honor.

And Sforcina has Evolution Schematic.

The Gab Bag

Pretending? PRETENDING?? The greatness of Randle is of such magnitude that he IS two people! AND a dog! AND their garbage man! – 411 author Chris Lansdell

Seriously, Lansdell, I appreciate the sucking up, but what’s with you and garbage men? Did somebody finally find out who their real daddy was?

And One To Go On

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT.

Remember, if you love poker, and are in the Kitchener-Cambridge-Waterloo area, check out Player’s Poker League.

That’s our show, Larry’s in tomorrow, I’ll be back later this week for the very special 200th episode of Fact or Fiction, where I plan to re-establish my dominance over the old guard of 411 and the very concept of Fact or Fiction itself. Then, I’ll be back in this spot next week.

Have a good one, and always be a fan.