News From Cook’s Corner 01.11.07

Not a good week sports wise either…Bobby Petrino has left Louisville for the “greener pastures” of the Atlanta Falcons. Well, they are greener in that he’ll be making a lot more money. In the meantime I’ll try to keep spelling Steve Kragthorpe’s name correctly. I don’t think I’ll be calling him Coach K though…that just ain’t right.

All right, let’s just get this done one last time…

Triple H out 4-6 months with quad injury

Let’s get one thing straight right now…does anybody actually believe that he’ll retire? Seriously? As Don West would say, YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! I think H loves wrestling too much to retire right now…even if he could satiate his desires by working backstage, the roar of the crowd has an appeal that only us people who have been out there know about.

Ha…”us people”. I crack myself up. Like I’ve been out there. Hee hee.

Anywho, you’ve already read all about this schiznit, and I’ve got nothing new to add other than his surgery on Wednesday was successful. And this is our main story of the week. Ouch.

Konnan needs your help!

Konnan is taking donations for his kidney replacement surgery at [email protected]. From the sounds of things, he’s not doing very well lately, so let’s hope the surgeries go well and he’s doing a lot better soon.

Khali moved to Raw to replace Triple H

Yeah, that sounds like an even trade. Gene Snitsky is expected to fill Khali’s void in ECW. Do people still watch ECW?

Sylvan speeds!

Apparently Mr. Grenier was going 96 mph in a 55 mph zone, which is a wee bit over what most police officers will allow. Unless you’ve got big tits, or at least a pretty smile. I guess Sylvan’s smile wasn’t enough to get him out of it. In his defense, he was running late to a Smackdown house show, and those 24 fans would have been pissed if he didn’t show up and job in the opening match to Butterskotch Malone.

Hey, it was either “Butterskotch Malone” or “Tits McGee”, and I’d already used the word “tits” once in the paragraph. Us humorists can’t be too repetitive.

Bubba the Love Sponge is getting married?

Yup, and Hulk Hogan will be the best man. I have no idea why this is wrestling news.

No more WWE press conferences?

The Torch is reporting that WWE will no longer have the pre-PPV press conference that they have been doing for quite awhile now. I’m sure this has nothing to do with people chanting “TNA” at the last press conference they did. Of course not.

When are certain people going to realize that most things in business aren’t a matter of coincidence?

Deuce & Domino coming to WWE?

They are on the road with the Smackdown/ECW roster right now, and they might be brought up to Smackdown soon. Well, they wouldn’t be any worse than Idol Stevens and KC James, that’s for sure.

Who writes this shit?

I swear to God, the following actually appears in an article on WWE.com…

Clearly, WWE viewers also rank among the most intelligent. Rather than pull an all-nighter at their friend’s New Year’s Eve bash and stay up for ESPN’s early-morning airing of the Outback Bowl (which barely beat out Raw among all cable programs that week), they slept in, learned later how Penn State’s Nittany Lions trounced the Tennessee Volunteers, 20-10, then tuned into Monday Night Raw on the USA Network, refreshed and recharged. Well done, WWE fans!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? If anybody can possibly explain the preceding paragraph to me, please e-mail me and tell me what the fuck this writer was going on about.

For the record, pulling an all-nighter doesn’t make you less intelligent. How do you think most of us got through college? All-nighters were par for the course if you wanted to succeed. Jeez.

Plugs

Berman recaps yet another match I was in attendance for.

Ari brings the ROH love, which is a very good thing.

Carapola brings the TNA & ECW…well, I’m not sure if it’s always love, but it’s something.

JT’s still an idiot for recapping recap shows. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Csonka brings the Rs, but Mr. Eubanks steals the show. And he remembers days that I’ve long since forgotten…which is probably for the best as far as I’m concerned.

Cook inducts the legendary Gorilla Monsoon into the 411 Wrestling Hall of Fame. I had fun writing that one.

The End Is Here

This is the end of the column for this week, and the end of my Thursday news reporting for at least the upcoming future. Due to various reasons including my dislike for the current state of the mainstream wrestling scene, my personal life falling to pieces, and my responsibilities outside the Internet taking up even more of my time, I’ve decided to take a little hiatus from writing about pro wrestling on the Internet.

I’ve always said that I didn’t want to be one of those guys who just bitched every week for the sake of bitching, and the way that televised pro wrestling has been going lately, I’m on the verge of becoming one of those guys. With the way that things are going right now for me, I’d like to spend my very little free time relaxing or doing something I love instead of wasting hours at a computer writing about something that I just don’t care about as much as I used to.

I have told Csonka that I could return to my Ask 411 duties in a month’s time…until then that column will be done by 411 Wrestling stalwart Ryan Byers. I don’t always agree with some of Byers’ opinions in his wrestling recaps, but he is a very good writer and is very knowledgable. So he could end up doing Ask 411 even better than I have over the past couple of months. As for the Thursday news beat, I have a couple of ideas for people to fill in for me, but the brass could decide to go another direction with it. Honestly, reporting about wrestling news has become boring and tiresome to me, and I’m not sure if I want to return to it or not. If I can’t provide the kind of news column that I used to do back when I started out on Sundays and only JT and a few other people were reading, I’d probably be better off not returning to it. And you guys would be better off with somebody reporting the news that gives a damn one way or the other.

I could make a long and elaborate goodbye, but I usually find those things boring to read. And I’ll be back on 411 soon enough anyway, so it’s really not necessary. Y’all just take it easy for the next few weeks and when things are better, I’ll be back here in some capacity.