Column of Honor: 03.10.07

Ladies and Gentlemen, good evening…you’ve seen that seeing is believing…yes that’s right…its time for more Ring of Honor daddio!

International Crisis

ROH officials may be at Def Con 5 right now.

ROH has taken two huge bombs right down the gullet and it has left the bookers, office men and even the wrestlers scrambling to recover and retaliate.

Huddled in their bunkers in their offices in Philadelphia, world maps are likely to be pinned to corkboards and match line ups are littering the tables, as are coffee cups, bottles of aspirin and half eaten frosted donuts. The coffee is to stay up late at night. The aspirin is surely to cure the massive migraines. The half eaten donuts are for Gabe Sapolsky.

Battle plans are being drawn up as this is being read, because for sure now this is war.

ROH has found itself in the middle of an international crisis. At last week’s two show run in Liverpool, the Dragon Gate tandem of Naruki Doi and SHINGO (you have to capitalize you know) took the ROH World Tag Team titles for their own. In one of the more shocking and unexpected developments, Doi and SHINGO became new tag team champions on March 3rd, besting Jay and Mark Briscoes, themselves having won the titles just the week before.

The Briscoes were not even able to successfully defend the titles even once. Instead, Doi and SHINGO were the ones thriving in a tag team defense. The very next night in Liverpool, the dangerous duo of Japanese talent defeated Davey Richards and Roderick Strong and kept possession of the tag belts. They proudly carry those titles into Detroit, Michigan on March 30th in a rematch against The Briscoes.

Coupled with the loss of the ROH World title to Takeshi Morishima of Pro Wrestling NOAH, Ring of Honor faces an issue no one thought likely just a few months ago—all of the belts are no longer in the possession of regular wrestlers in the company! Instead, the belts have been taken by international talent who are considered special attractions. These men have their home base in other promotions and are not obligated to ROH for work.

Truly ROH is in a precarious situation. With the titles around the waists of wrestlers who are making irregular appearances, there is the potential to leave some ROH cards with any Ring of Honor titles on the line at all! Luckily, Doi and SHINGO are guaranteed to appear on the March 30th and 31st shows, and Takeshi Morishima is scheduled for all of April’s shows (see news below) but the potential exists for chaos, calamity and confusion in the title scene.

How can a promotion that has such prestige for being the premier company in the United States have lost their titles to international, foreign talent? Men such as Homicide and The Briscoes are no lightweights, yet they have been annihilated and flattened by the competition. Homicide was treated like a child by Morishima, who came in, hit hard, and left as champion. The Briscoes couldn’t “man up” against the talented Dragon Gate duo, whose powerhouse style outdid The Briscoes own high impact moves.

Is it true that American talent has been surpassed by the rest of the world? For example, the U.S. is no longer as dominant in Olympic Basketball as it used to be during the heyday of the “Dream Team” era. Japanese imports have continually been brought over to play in Major League Baseball, with Daiske Matsuzaka being the latest example. Even in the “real world”, Americans are losing jobs to the foreign marketplace. Does this conquest of talent and ability also extend to professional wrestling, and by proxy, to Ring of Honor?

No matter the answer to this question, ROH is not about to take this declaration of war lying down. They are already setting in motion several matches that can help them to take back what is theirs. As mentioned, The Briscoes are receiving an immediate rematch in Detroit, a city known for hard work and industriousness, even in the worst of economic conditions. The Briscoes have decided to man up even further, toughening each other in a brutal one on one match last week in Liverpool that went to a draw. If they have significantly improved each other’s mental toughness and physical durability, they can get back what was taken all too prematurely.

Likewise, ROH is preparing Nigel McGuinness as the next and most viable challenger to Morshima’s seemingly dominant run as champion. Nigel will have his chance on April 14th in Edison, New Jersey. With recent victories against Samoa Joe in tag competition and after vanquishing rival Jimmy Rave in a “Fight Without Honor” style match, McGuinness has established himself as the most capable and worthy opponent for Morishima. ROH officials are no doubt hoping that Nigel has learned from his experiences in NOAH and his recent teaming with Morishima. If Nigel has taken enough from those matches, he may have found the key to victory. Defeating the biggest man to hold the ROH title since Samoa Joe would do wonders for Nigel’s career and help to solve ROH’s largest concerns.

There is still so much uncertainty about what is to come in Ring of Honor for 2007. This situation could last for a long time to come if ROH is not able to nip this in the bud right now. Morishima is developing the foundation for what could be a years-long and unstoppable run at the top of the company. ROH, no matter how much it benefits from its international ties to NOAH, cannot stand this situation. It is a crisis of reputation, of image and of dominance.

Right now, ROH needs its soldiers to come through in the clutch. McGuinness and The Briscoes are reloading the missile bay as we head into the Spring, Japanese talent still in command.

The Samoa Joe Memorial Edition

I actually want to start this tribute by mentioning the new UFC Heavyweight Champion, Randy “the Natural” Couture. I feel both he and Samoa Joe have quite a bit in common. No, it’s not the age range, or the hair style, or even the musculature. These men are a ways away from each other in those categories. However, what qualities they share may be even greater than any physical or statistical differences.

In my book, both men are heroes.

Last week, Couture pulled off may be one of the greatest upsets in ultimate fighting history when he defeated former champion, Tim “The Main-iac” (because he’s from Maine, haha) Sylvia. The match went five full rounds and from the sound of the bell in round one, where just a few seconds in Couture put Sylvia down with a hellacious punch and almost knocked him out right there, the match was all Couture.

For five rounds, Couture took his opportunities, was careful enough not to be hit or take any serious damage. Couture outwrestled an opponent much taller than him, out boxed a man whose reach was almost a foot longer, and stayed in the game against an opponent who was much heavier.

The sound of the crowd when Couture was announced the NEW UFC champion was colossal and boisterous. Those in attendance had known they had witnessesed something special, something unheard of in sports. An older, smaller, shorter man had just beaten a younger, larger, taller and quite dangerous man for a very important championship. It was a true underdog story come to fruition.

In many ways, Samoa Joe’s success in Ring of Honor and to go even further, his success in the wrestling industry is also an underdog’s story come to fruition. While Joe may be one of the more important wrestler in the wrestling scene right now, back in 2002 he was another face in the crowd. Joe had a few years in California’s UPW and a handful of tours in Japan, but not much else. That is, until the King of the Indies tournament in 2001, where a match took place against Low Ki, one of the en vogue wrestlers from East Coast.

In that match, the two men traded strikes, kicks and hard shots against each other. It was a different wrestling match. It resembled Mixed Martial Arts or Kickboxing more than a standard pro wrestling match. Yet, the reactions of fans to that match both during and afterwards were very positive. The match and the tournament itself has enjoyed a reputation of being the nexus for so many of this generation’s great wrestlers, including AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels and American Dragon just for starters.

It was the Low Ki match that convinced Gabe Sapolsky to bring in Samoa Joe to Ring of Honor, despite the extra cost of the plane ticket from California added on to the expenses of the fledgling company. If Joe could bring that kind of match for Ki, who was the main event star of ROH at the time, he would be well worth the price of the fly over.

Indeed he was worth the price and then some. The Joe-Ki match from “Glory By Honor” also became a much heralded match. It was the stuff of legend, although in truth for those who were there at King of Indies it probably was not that surprising to see the match succeed. The East Coast Ring of Honor fans, however, were blown away by the effort and the impact these two men put into the match.

Joe didn’t immediately rise to the top of the roster from that moment on. In fact, you really couldn’t label Joe with the “overnight success” moniker. It would take Joe much longer to make it to the main event, a full six months longer. However, Joe was kept in the mix of things. Joe would become involved in The Prophecy storyline, acting as a supporting player rather than a lead character. He took a surprising win in a six man tag the month after the Ki match, choking out Homicide and thus beginning one of the more important and long standing rivalries in ROH. Joe would also fight American Dragon Bryan Danielson twice in this time period, splitting matches with him.

Finally, in March of 2003 at the show that would become known as “Night of the Champins”, Joe ascended to the top of the roster by winning the ROH Title from Xavier, a man who held a despotic reign of tyranny (and X-Pac heat) over the company. The crowd popped in joy over the title change and Joe was clearly very emotional in the win. Yet, there were immediate doubts about Joe’s ability to be the top champion.

Over the years, many people have questioned Joe’s look. He is shorter than most “big men” in the industry. He is not the most muscular man in the world (although even with the title “Samoa” in his moniker, some fans easily forgot that most Samoan wrestlers were big and paunchy). Those were two strikes against him already. It had also yet to be seen if Joe could carry a feud with promos and character driven storylines as opposed to an in the ring wrestling ability. Joe had clearly been an underdog to succeed from a business standpoint.

I found it ironic then that a few years later Joe would become involved in a few ROH storylines with none other than Mick Foley. Here was a man who was definitely not muscular and definitely not tall and ‘roided out. Yet Foley had endured and sacrificed so much to become an unqualified success story in the wrestling industry. How satisfying must it have been to see Foley and Joe, two men who look nothing like Hulk Hogan or even John Cena, able to do business with each other and able to make the fans want to see the showdown between each other.

This ability is a part of what makes Joe so heroic. His championship run in ROH could have ended in the short term, but everything began to click. Joe’s title run lasted a near two years, like a steam engine slowly building up speed until it became a non stop runaway train. Joe became a dominant champion, a verifiable bad ass in the ring. He became the standard bearer for an independent wrestling company and made people take notice—of him, of the other wrestlers and of the company itself.

It wasn’t always easy, and the results didn’t always seem to be visible. Joe’s initial few months as champion had some growing pains. Joe’s feud with The Briscoes did not receive as much attention as it could have until it was almost over. However, the successes were what counted even more—Joe’s great stand against Christopher Daniels at “Glory By Honor 2”, his bloody steel match against Jay Briscoe at “At Our Best”, his excellent series of title defenses against Homicide and of course, the Joe / Punk trilogy that pushed ROH over the top. By the end of the two years, Joe had helped to create something that will be remembered for a long time to come.

Then after his title run, he went out and had more many legendary matches and memorable moments.

He did what many people probably thought he couldn’t do, before, during and even after his title run for ROH. He became a success story, a known entity in an industry that is difficult to break through. Joe is arguably one of the more popular wrestlers today, and he has done so even without being in the most well known wrestling company in the world He made people look at him and understand that he was something special. I look back and admire the man for bucking the odds, for being the underdog and succeeding, yet being so cool and so well adjusted about the success that has come to him. Of course that may come a bit easier when as a child you were performing in front of thousands for an Olympic ceremony, but well Joe has come a long way from even that spectacle.

I’ve had many heroes from professional wrestling over the years. Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin, Mick Foley and on and on. This generation of wrestlers has also given me a fair share of heroes—including Low Ki, Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, Bryan Danielson, CM Punk and of course, Samoa Joe

He is simultaneously cool and a bad ass at the time same time—it’s a trait I wish that I had the ability to demonstrate more often, but more often than not fail miserably. Wrestling being an incredible form of escapism, the man I was most often drawn to as a form of fantasy and imagination has been Samoa Joe. As much as I think of CM Punk and related to his straight edge way of life, in truth I in no way physically resemble Punk. I am not thin (although not massive by any means) and I am not pierced or tattooed in anyway. When I think of who I look like more, it’s clear that I fit in with the Foleys and Joes of the world (well aside from the part of being Samoan). As strange as it sounds, when Joe wrestles and kicks the ever loving hell out of someone, well, I find is comforting that if it came down to it, I could do that too (metaphorically speaking) Joe’s success is proof that there is room for folks like me to succeed in the world as well.

I don’t think anyone else (besides maybe CM Punk) could make me scream out in primal emotion the way I did during the Joe vs. Kobashi match (physical evidence of which can be found on the DVD). I don’t think anyone else can make me shout at the top of my lungs for one man to “kill” another. I don’t anyone else can get me to root harder for them (besides maybe Homicide at Final Battle 2006) to win his match.

I am going to write something similar to what I wrote back during my CM Punk Memorial Edition. I think its obvious that at some point or another ROH fans were going to lose the ability to see Joe in action, much like we did for Paul London, Christopher Daniels, AJ Styles, CM Punk and others. It was inevitable that Joe would wrap up his time in ROH. Of course there is a chance he may be back in the future for the odd match or two, but for all intents and purposes, this last go around was the real process of saying “goodbye” to Joe.

However, like Randy Couture, Joe won’t ever really leave ROH. He remains an integral part of its history and a person with an important story that will be retold for many years to come by fans and those who understand the meaning of his success. Just looking at the stacks of DVDs on my shelf with his matches is proof enough. Joe has had an incredible run, from beginning to end filled with fantastic matches and memorable moments. I used to be angry (at TNA) that he was leaving as a regular of ROH, but I can’t be upset anymore.

Joe has been too good for too long for me to be anything but satisfied and happy for the success of one of my heroes.

As with 2005’s tribute to CM Punk, my great friend Chris Miccio also offers a dedication:

A few weeks ago, Ari sent me an IM saying he had some bad news. He said I had to go to ROH’s web page and see it for myself. Curious, I went right to it, and there it was. Samoa Joe is leaving ROH. I was confounded. I didn’t know what to say at first. I allowed myself to digest it all, and then I sent this instant message to Ari, and it just kind of summed up everything I thought about the whole idea of Joe leaving ROH. Here it is. “I was just thinking about the whole thing. We have to just appreciate what Joe has given us, and be happy that he never took the job with the “E”. Also, we have to think about Joe, the man, not Joe, the ROH wrestler. He’s done so much for us as fans of ROH, we should just say, thank you, and realize that he’s doing what’s best for HIM, which is who he has to look at in the mirror every night. Does it suck? Yeah, it does. But to be honest with you, I think Gabe and Cary are just as much at fault over all of it too. When they let him start working TNA, they HAD to see the writing on the wall, especially after his first contract expired. They had to know that when he signed a multi-year deal at good money that he would be more TNA’s than ROH’s. That’s just a reality of Indy wrestling. He’ll be back, trust me. But be happy for him and his body that he’ll finally get the chance to heal a little. With my knee problems over the years, I couldn’t even imagine how he’s done all he has over the past few months. All I know is that I’m bringing the camera to the NYC show, and like 3 rolls of film. And I’ll bring my voice, my heart and my love for Joe, and say goodbye for now. But not forever. You know why? Because Samoa Joe is PRO WRESTLING. No matter where he does it.”

So, when Ari asked me if I wanted to add my two cents to his Samoa Joe Tribute, it was natural that I would answer the call. When CM Punk left the ROH a few years back, I wrote a long, drawn out piece, saying how much Punk meant to me, and in some way, I’d love to do that again for Joe. But when I started thinking about what to say, I found it really difficult to sum it all up. I started thinking, “What did Joe mean to me?” and “What did Joe mean to ROH?” and all I could come up with was one word. Everything. So, without further ado, I’m going to give you a list of all the things that I have to say thank you to Samoa Joe for, so, here we go.

1. Being the epitome of a professional.
2. Working all the time, whether or not you were at 100%.
3. Carrying ROH in its darkest hours. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know that there even would be an ROH anymore.
4. Putting on my favorite match at just about every ROH show, save a small, and I do mean small, handful.
5. Showing the world that the preconceived image of a modern pro wrestler is bullshit. It’s not all about big muscles, it’s all about work rate, and that’s where you are all gassed up.
6. For the classic matches with (in no specific order) Paul London, the Briscoes, Homicide, Low Ki, Brian Danielson, CM Punk, Nigel McGuinness, Morishima, etc, etc…
7. For being so nice to my friends and me after Glory By Honor IV.
8. For having the best match I’ve ever seen in my 20+ years of watching wrestling, right in front of me at the New Yorker Hotel. NYC was rocked the night that you and Kenta Kobashi chopped, kicked, and dropped each other on your heads.
9. For making me, a lifelong WWE fan, look outside the box, and realize that there is so much more out there.
10. For saving pro wrestling.

I stand by what I said to Ari the day the news hit. Samoa Joe truly is Pro Wrestling. Good luck in TNA, Joe. See you soon. Thanks for the memories. You will be missed.

More Joe
411’s ROH Roundtable on Samoa Joe in ROH

ROH Results: Fifth Year Festival Nights 5 and 6 3.03.07, 3.04.07, Liverpool, UK

Hey guys, sorry to punk out on doing my usual results form, but I’m running low on time before deadline. As it is, 411 had some incredible coverage of both nights thanks to Theo Fraser’s excellent writing. Read his live recap and comments. I think he does a “spot on” job with it.

ROH Call
ROH Champions—As of 03/10/2007

ROH World Champion— Takeshi Morishima(champion since 02/17/07, 2 successful defenses)

Next Defense: Nigel McGuinness, 4/14/07 Edison, NJ

V.1 defeated BJ Whitmer via pinfall / backdrop driver (2/23/07 Dayton, OH)
V. 2 defeated KENTA via pinfall / backdrop driver (3/04/07 Tokyo, Japan)

ROH World Tag Team Champions— SHINGO and Naruki Doi (champions since 03/03/07, NEW CHAMPIONS, 1 successful defense)

Next Defense: Jay and Mark Briscoe 3/30/07 Detroit, MI

V.1 defeated Roderick Strong and Davey Richards pinfall / top rope Doi 555 (3/04/07 Liverpool, UK)

ROH News
(via the ROHnewswire… and other sources when attributed

Dragon to Return—Wrestles for NOAH in April

This was the week Bryan Danielson resurfaced from a three month absence from the wrestling world. First off, he cut a promo stating that he was coming back to lay claim on the NWA Heavyweight title (TNA is not renewing the rights to the name and the title, so the rest of the NWA is getting the belt back). Also according to Pro Wrestling NOAH’s U.S. page, Danielson will be going on his second tour of Japan coming up on the 4/1-4/28 tour. This could suggest a ROH return by May, which is about on schedule for when he is supposed to come back (according to an interview with Gabe Sapolsky conducted several months back on Wrestling Observer Live). Danielson did not undergo surgery after all on his separated shoulder and instead chose to rehab the injury. Is he coming back from injury too soon, as most wrestlers do? Time will have to tell on that one, but I can’t ignore the excitement of a possible return by Dragon sooner rather than later.

Whitmer vs. Jacobs…in the CAGE!

From the latest article up on ROHwrestling.com:
The feud between BJ Whitmer and Jimmy Jacobs has raged for over a year now. These two have spilled gallons of blood, thrown each other off the highest places possible and injured one another. Now BJ Whitmer wants to settle it in Detroit.

BJ Whitmer has challenged Jimmy Jacobs to a STEEL CAGE MATCH when ROH comes to Detroit at the end of this month. Whitmer feels that this is the right location and time for such a huge match. Detroit will mark one year from the date that the feud really intensified.

Of course, one year ago was when Whitmer and Jacobs had their encounter in Detroit and the botched powerbomb spot of infamy occurred. It almost killed both men…so they went on to repeat or play off the spot for many of their follow up matches. So…powerbomb off the top of the cage anyone?

More Morishima
ROH World Champion Takeshi Morishima retained the title by defeating KENTA in Tokyo on 3/4 in front of over 13,500 fans in the main event of NOAH’s huge Budokan Hall event. Morishima’s next defense will be on 4/14 in Edison, NJ when he faces Nigel McGuinness. Nigel is coming off a huge win over Jimmy Rave in a Fight Without Honor last Sunday. McGuinness’ rebound lariat pinned Samoa Joe on 2/24 in Chicago. Will the rebound lariat bring Nigel the World Title? Morishima is also signed to be at ROH events on 4/13 in Long Island, 4/27 in St. Paul and 4/28 in Chicago. We’ll have news on all these shows soon.

ROH World Champion Takeshi Morishima will be on every ROH show in April. His entire match schedule for April is complete. Right now Morishima has only signed for one World Title Match. It will be on April 14th in Edison, NJ when he faces Nigel McGuinness, who many predict will be the next ROH World Champion. Here is how Morishima’s April is shaping up with much more info coming soon on all these matches:
-April 13th in Long Island: Morishima & Chris Hero vs. Nigel McGuinness & Doug Williams
-April 14th in Edison: Morishima vs. McGuinness for the ROH World Title
-April 27th in St. Paul: Morishima vs. Austin Aries
-April 28th in Chicago: Morishima vs. Shingo

This puts away one worry of mine in that ROH wouldn’t be able to book Morishima for months on end. An every other month schedule might work if he can make every shot for that month. Nigel getting the next shot so soon is very suspicious in my mind. Even though he has been built up well given the events of last week, right now it doesn’t seem like it feels right for another switch. Especially given Morishima is booked for other (right now) non title matches on the tour. If Morishima gets through Nigel, I expect the matches with Aries and SHINGO (what Gabe, can’t capitalize the name?) to change into title matches.

Interesting that in Hero’s Sandwich, “Chris Hero” praises Morishima, and then we get this announcement of their impending team up. Nice call on that one and even better that we see the NOAH team of McGuinness and Williams together in a match (although I await their singles match in ROH). Morishima vs. Aries could be good if Aries is given half a chance and allowed to shine, but given the booking of the title run thus far, I don’t expect that to happen. What is very interesting is the Morishima vs. SHINGO match. This is a NOAH vs. Dragon Gate match in an ROH ring, which is altogether special. Dragon Gate stars have been appearing on a few NOAH shows and vice versa, so the cooperation between all three companies is certainly paying off dividends as far as new and different matches. Whether or not this is a mian event match is up for debate, but SHINGO certainly has looked very well in the last few shows and deserves the chance to show his stuff against the champ.

Generational Showdown Coming
The details are still being worked out on the lineups for “All Star Extravaganza III” on March 30th “Supercard Of Honor II” on March 31st in Detroit. There will be many announcements next week. We can leak out now that the first Austin Aries vs. Roderick Strong singles match in ROH will take place on one of these shows.

I’m sure these two will be clashing many times in an ROH ring over the next few months in both tag and singles matches, but there can only be one first time. This should be a “tone setter” match for what will be to come in the feud.

Electricity in the Air!
ROH DVDs are about to be struck with a shock of electricity (start your own hype now).

Oh…that crazy ROH booker is at it again. Last time there was a comment made such as this, it led to insane amounts of speculation about the ROHbot arm. I won’t even hazard a guess as to what this is all about. Fool me once…

Hero’s Sandwich

**DISCLAIMER** The words and thoughts of “Chris Hero” do not necessarily reflect those of Column of Honor, its staff or that of 411 and its staff.

Ichiban, my friends, it is I, your idol, your icon, your leader, Chris Hero, back again for another weekly dose of reality for you. I have just returned to the U.S.A. from my overwhelmingly successful stay in Japan with the great people of Pro Wrestling NOAH. I won most of my matches, as you already know, and I have been asked to return to their rings as soon as my jam-packed schedule will allow. As I have said before, if it wasn’t for all the unfinished business that I have here in the states, I would have truly enjoyed staying in Japan for an extended period of time. It was especially nice to see the honorable Mr. Takeshi Morishima demolish that ROHbot crowd favorite, KENTA in less than 10 minutes last weekend. While I did enjoy watching that match, I also watched it to collect information on Morishima’s strengths and weaknesses. Now that I have seen him up close, in the ring, I have begun to plan my strategy for my inevitable challenge to his title, and it is a foregone conclusion that I will be victorious, and become the ROH World Heavyweight Champion.

Upon my arrival in Metropolis, I was greeted with a tickertape parade, and informed that my super agent. Larry Sweeney, had secured me a chance to team with Mr. Morishima at an upcoming ROH show. Without the tireless efforts of Larry, my career could be in the same state of someone like Chris Daniels or Austin Aries. What is that state you might ask? Well, clearly, it’s neutral, stagnant. I mean, when was the last time either of those guys actually did anything worthwhile? And what’s with that TNA crap that they are doing? What a joke. Now that I have Larry firmly guiding my career, and Tank Tolland taking care of my physical training routine, the sky is the limit for this Hero. Unlike all those who have come before me, I will truly revolutionize what it means to be a pro wrestler, and even more so, what it is to be a champion. Yes, it is true that I have held over 1,000 titles in a vast variety of promotions, but the one title I truly lust for is the ROH World Championship. Yes, I know that I’ve spoken poorly of the title in the past, but now, after Morishima’s victory, it truly is a title worthy of Chris Hero’s interest, so allow the quest to begin.

A few more things before I retire to my “fortress of solitude”, if you will. All of my words regarding that Swiss Idiot Castagnoli were completely proven last week. If you haven’t heard, the Swiss Army (not the knives, the actual thing) “accidentally” invaded Liechtenstein. Here it is, the proof that Claudio and his whole country are a bunch of imbeciles. What a bunch of morons. How do you do that? Accidentally invade a country? Don’t they have GPS devices in Switzerland to go along with all that chocolate and cheese? That’s just sad. I guess Larry was right to tell me to end my business relationship with Double C. Sure, he had been a great tag team partner for a long time, but come on. If his people can’t keep themselves out of their neighbors backyard, how can I not expect him to screw up and cost me a big match? Oh, wait. He’s already done that. Oh well, I guess it’s true what they say. You live, you learn.

Now, I had heard that Ari was doing a “Tribute” to Samoa Joe in this week’s column, so I thought that I should say something too. Joe, you will be missed. Not at the crafts service table or at the post show buffet, but you will be missed. I’m sure that those people over at TNA have a nice spread as well, or else you wouldn’t have decided to leave ROH. If you were as good as I am, you would have been able to have all your own food, and not have to eat everyone else’s. Now it is true that you were the ROH champ for 22 months, and that is quite impressive, but let me say this. You beat no one. The challengers that you fought were of mediocre quality, and when you finally did face a wrestler with at least a modicum of ability at that time, Austin Aries defeated you. You are quite possibly the most overrated wrestler of all time, Joe, and you will not be missed by yours truly, Chris Hero. Don’t let the door hit you where the Lord split you. And what a huge split that is, fat boy.

Finally, I have a word for my good friend Ari. Ari, you ignorant bastard, you showed that picture of me fighting Rikio, without my approval, and completely out of context. Did you tell your readers that moments later, I reversed that maneuver and nearly won the match? No, you didn’t. Did you get the approval of Pro Wrestling NOAH, Mr. Rikio, or me to publish that photo? No, you didn’t. Normally, I’d say that you’d be hearing from my lawyer, but now, it’s personal. Your publication embarrassed me. Now, it’s my turn. Soon, the world will know the truth about YOU Ari, if that’s even your real name. I hope you lose some sleep over this, you basement dwelling, no life loser! You better watch your back, because you never know when Chris Hero, or one of my devout “Hero-ites” might take it upon themselves to take revenge on you. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

And on that note, I will take my leave of you drooling idiots. Sleep and training await. Until next time, this has been your moment of enlightenment, your Hero Sandwich. Sayonara, suckers!!!

…This has been Hero’s Sandwich.

Honorarium
The Anti-TNA edition

-So TNA is running a pay per view this weekend, where seemingly every match has some sort of stipulation. Hell, even the “wrestling” matches have stipulations. Austin Arie….er, excuse me, I’m sorry, let me correct myself, THE Austin Aries vs. Sen Low (Ri)KiShi has “Crossface Chicken Wing must be applied” rules. Jerry Lynn vs. Chris Sabin is a two out of three falls match. However, that’s just the beginning. There’s a “Double Bullrope” match (one bullrope just isn’t enough). Although there isn’t a pole to be found, there will be a “Ghetto Rules” match (or maybe weapons WILL hang from a pole on that one), a “Jesus will Rise”….errrr…”Last Rites” match between Abyss and Sting (I guess whoever gets put on a bed and have a cross waved over them by an old man in a funky robe (is this the new gimmick for Christopher Daniels?) who will then spray some “sacred oils” (hey, don’t doubt the sexual entendre, this is Russo booking after all)on the loser.

The one match I worry about the most is Elevation X with AJ Styles vs. Rhino. I can’t help but get the feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is going to go wrong. Someone will either die or be severely hurt at the end of this match. And I, for one, can’t wait to see it. I know that sounds horrible, but my god, TNA is asking for it with this one. AJ is continually expressing fear and concern over the structural integrity and the height of the scaffold above the ring in various press conference and several interviews I have read on the net. Keep in mind this is the same man who went all the way to the CEILING of the Impact Zone to crash through a man on a table on top of a roofed cage. If this same man is concerned about this match, then that is saying something…and I’m sure this isn’t him just hyping up the match.

There’s also the matter of the width of the scaffold measuring in at a mere twenty inches. That’s INCHES. This is roughly two-thirds the size of my computer desk. A computer desk, mind you that is bulging with papers, CD’s and assorted junk. Twenty inches is less than the size of TWO footlong Subway sandwiches. Hell, the shortest NYC SUBWAY platforms have at least twice that distance.

This match should not be happening, especially with these two wrestlers. Let’s face it, scaffold matches suck. There’s not much you can do fifteen to twenty feet up in air except fall from a great height. And I don’t want to see either man do that, for fear of their well being. As it is, Styles has toned down his in ring risks, and Rhino is just too big and too wide a man to be up on a scaffold that small.

So the conclusion is this, someone WILL die, or someone will be hurt in a major way at the end of this match. So who will buy it? AJ Styles or Rhino? Or will it just be a major debilitating injury such as paralysis, a broken neck or diphtheria?

By the way “Destination X”, the so called pay per view that focuses on the X Division (well, according to “Just Whistling” Dixie Carter), will have exactly two X Division matches on the card…the same amount of matches from last month’s pay per view. I’m not counting Elevation X as Styles is no longer a part of the division.

It also looks like Samoa Joe may very well become the NEW NW…errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr first ever TNA champion. Oh boy, don’t get me started on this one. You know, hell, might as well. Here we go:

-Ring of Honor says farewell to Joe in the company. On his last tour Samoa Joe wins FIVE out of six matches and takes the loss in one match, a tag match. He loses to the man who as it stands now looks to be the newest main man at the top of the roster in Nigel McGuinness. Last week, TNA, before his biggest match in his time at TNA Joe jobs out in about five minutes…to Tyson, fucking, Tomko. Now, look, I like Tomko alright and I think he does well as a comedic foil for Christian, but under NO circumstances should Joe have lost on his way to fighting Christian for the title. It makes him look like a chump. Do you see HBK losing out on his way to his Wrestlemania 23 title shot? HELL NO! Is Undertaker losing to The Miz on Smackdown? Of course not, because that would be stupid. Yet, Joe is losing on television. Way to go TNA.

-Supposedly TNA is losing the rights to the NWA Heavyweight title and that they will give the belt back to the NWA. Further, at the Destination X pay per view, reports on the net are out that if Samoa Joe wins the title, he is going to pull a Shane Douglas in ECW and throw down that belt and replace it with the “TNA” title. To this thought I am awestruck and dumbfounded in the worst of ways. Why does TNA want to make Samoa Joe look like an unappreciative buffoon? Because this is what he will look like if this goes down. EARTH to TNA: This isn’t ECW and Joe is NOT Shane Douglas. You have conceivably the most convincing bad ass wrestler of the new generation and you’re going to have him look like an asshole after winning the “biggest” and crowning achievement of his career with your company? This is so stupid. Wasn’t it just a few months ago that Joe was singing the praises of the NWA Heavyweight title with a roster of luminary legends as champions and a tradition of greatness? Or are we not supposed to remember this was why he wanted in the title hunt to begin with? Now he may just dump the title to start a new title that has NO history and no legitimacy with the fans and the wrestling world. Of course, TNA should have had a “TNA title” from the start and they should eventually have their belts renamed to the TNA title, but this is no way to go about doing it. Once again, way to go TNA.

-I just got in my “Always Colt Cabana Classic” T-shirt…and it is even cooler in person than on the computer screen. God bless the internet and fast shipping. Cabana, you are a great man and great friend to Judaism!

-You know, I just passed by a supermarket under construction with a bunch of scaffolds. It looked just like Mario vs. Donkey Kong in the video games. Forget about what I said. The Elevation X match is going to be great…I’m sure AJ and Rhino will have a lot of fun. AJ loves video games after all, and I can’t think of anyone more like Donkey Kong in the world of professional wrestling than Rhino. I mean that of course in the nicest of ways. Have a great time playing guys!

The Briscoe Brothers Guide to Manhood

The wild and crazy Briscoe Brothers have been making news and headlines all this year. Luckily, they were able to clear enough time in their schedule to make their very much anticipated return. Last time Jay and Mark visited the column of honor, I was able to procure their advice on a number of different subjects. Most of this advice consisted of man-ing up, man-ing up and when that didn’t work, more man-ing up. So with that in mind, The Briscoes return and I was able to get their—somewhat unorthodox responses on a number of subjects revolving around Manhood.

The Briscoe Brothers: on Bottled Water

Jay: You know Mark, they’re selling water in bottles now.
Mark: What? Bottled Water?
Jay: Yeah.
Mark: That ain’t right.
Jay: Naw, it ain’t. They call it Spring Water.
Mark: Spring? It’s still Winter!
Jay: Yeah, I know. That ain’t right.
Mark: Yeah!
Jay: They also got flavored water.
Mark: What? That’s crazy talk! Water don’t got no flavor! Water is water.
Jay: You know, in Sandy Fork, Delaware, we get our water from the local well.
Mark: Yeah! We MAN UP on water.
Jay: Yeah, it’s all dirty and got dirt in it and its brown and it’s just fine on its own. No flavors needed.
Mark: Yeah, flavors are for wussies! MAN UP!
Jay: Raspberry.
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: Lemon-Lime.
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: Kiwi-Strawberry.
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: Chocolate water!
Mark: MAN …they got chocolate water?
Jay: Uh…I dunno.
Mark. That’d be cool though.
Jay: Yeah…I guess.

The Briscoe Brothers: on Mr. McMahon vs. Donald Trump–Hair vs. Hair

Jay: Wassup with that match?
Mark: Hair vs. Hair…I like that idea.
Jay: Yeah but you know, they ain’t even fightin.
Mark: No?
Jay: Nope. They got dem guys fightin for em…Umanga or something. He’s fighing Lashley.
Mark: Ain’t Lashley bald?
Jay: Yeap. They say Bald is Beautiful. I dunno much about that.
Mark: Screw the bald head. I say MAN UP and go for short and stubby hair instead.
Jay: Yeah, us Briscoes, we sport the short and stubby and we love em.
Mark: That’s right. MAN UP TRUMP! MAN UP MCMAHON! Sport dem short and stubby!
Jay: Yeah, MAN UP UMANGA! Stop wearing dem dreadlocks. And drink some beer.
Mark: Yeah, beer! MAN UP!
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: You know, brother Jay, dat Shango guy, he’s got a mullet, ain’t he?
Jay: That’s right.Shango is professional up front, party in da back.
Mark: He oughta MAN UP! He should get shaved too!
Jay:MAN UP Shango!

The Briscoe Brothers: on Manicures

Mark: Yeah, many cures! We support cures for diseases! Diseases, you better MAN UP!
Jay: No, no, Mark. Manicures, not many cures.
Mark: Manicures? Never heard of em. What is dey?
Jay: That’s like, when you get your hand nails filed and all pretty looking.
Mark:…
Jay: They even paint em I think.
Mark: …
Jay: You okay brother?
Mark: Naw…naw…you caan’t be right Jay. That caan’t be it.
Jay: Yeah…I’m pretty sure it’s true.
Mark. Naw. That ain’t right.
Jay: I know.
Mark: Manicures? That’s sissy talk.
Jay: Yeap.
Mark: In Sandy Fork, Delaware we beat up sissies who get manicures.
Jay: We sure do. Bro…you okay? You lookin kinda green.
Mark: I’m havin a hard time dealin with this.
Jay: You know what you need to do brother?
Mark: What?
Jay: You need to MAN UP!
Mark: What?
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: What?
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: What?
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark; Wait…you mean, MAN UP?
Jay: No I mean MAN UP!
Mark: Oh, MAN UP!
Jay: Yeah MAN UP!
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: That’s what I’m talking about. MAN UP!
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: MAN UP!
Mark: MAN UP!
Jay: MAN UP!

…And that’s how I left the Briscoes, constantly man-ing up. Sometimes they get caught up, like a broken record. When that happens its best to just let them be. Hopefully we’ll see The Briscoes back sometime in the future.

Going Home

Ringtones

The Golden Spike corrects me on some of my comments about JC Thunder from last week:

Hey Ari,

Spike

Shoot! That’s what happens with poor audio for dvds…although it does make sense all things considered. Too bad though, I liked it the other way around better. Maybe I’ll use it if I do a promo on my students when they talk too much, heh.

Thanks for the correction.

JustinShaq writes in about the ROH International Crisis:

Ari Ari Ari in a million years I would have never predicted this. The ROH titles have been taken hostage, by very talented wrestlers in Naruki Doi Shingo and Morishima. The question I have for you sir, is do you think with the two big shows in Japan coming up that NOAH and Dragon would put their various GHC and Gate titles on the line. You know I’d love to see a lot of inter-promotional title matches I think this would give a lot of prestige to both organizations. Also since PAC was in ROH just recently do u think he could be in Jack Evans new faction, if I were Jack I would choose Teddy Hart and Ruckus, but I think this is out of the realm of possibility.

P.S. if you could compare ROH wrestlers to sports teams who would they be and why?

I have a strong feeling that several GHC and DG titles will be on the line in these shows as well as the ROH titles. My guess is that we’ll be seeing some interesting combinations of wrestlers and title situations, but also a lot of tag matches. PAC made a great impression (but then again they were in England, so he did have the crowd advantage) and I wouldn’t mind him being brought over for a few shows in the Spring. PAC fits in with the high flying mold of Evans, so why not put the two together? You’ll likely never see Hart again in ROH, but after seeing Ruckus in WSX, I woudn’t object at all to his presence in an ROH show (in fact I predicted as much back in Final Column).

I’m not that well versed in sports comparisons, but I would place them along the lines of a Minnesota Twins or the Florida Marlins of a few years ago. Like those teams, they bring in a very good, sometimes great core group of athletes, put them out there, and they succeeded. However, the Twins and Marlins can’t afford to keep their players over the years, and so eventually they have to trade or let go the guys who cost too much. Then they start over and the process repeats.

truth_soldier chimes in on DVD recommendations:

Great article, just a few criticisms…

When you listed the shows for the next great Ring of Honor fan, why was
Manhattan Mayhem the first (and only) show you listed from 2005? As great as
that show was, Death Before Dishonor III must be listed among the best shows
of all time, not just 2005. Aries’ match with Punk is a classic, and Punk’s
promo after the match must be heard by any new ROH fan and used as a
reminder for the veteran fans as to why ROH is the greatest wrestling
promotion in the world. Likewise, Punk’s heel turn during this promo is a
lesson that could be included in any Secrets of Professional Wrestling
program. I’m certainly not discounting Manhattan Mayhem as one of the great
shows of ’05 (it was!), but I’m always curious as to why Death Before
Dishonor III is often left off the list.

You included all of these shows in answer to the second letter, so maybe I’m
just griping about the order of the answers. I also agree that, while ROH
can be expensive to follow, those $10 sales can be a lifesaver. Also, don’t
forget to check ebay, as many of the shows you listed can be had for a
fraction of the price on the website. ROH uses the ebay seller name
“ringofhonorwrestling”.

It’s okay to “gripe” so long as you provide your own recommendations, which you did. The thing was that those who wrote in wanted just a few choices and ones that were the best bang for their buck. You won’t find me complaining with any of your choices. I chose to highlight those that worked within the parameters they set forth. Its hard to just choose a few DVDs, but it really is better that way because when fans want to start watching, they can only “sample” a few shows. Best to give em a taste, and then they’ll come back for more.

**The Independent Buy In**
Support independent pro wrestling, ROH or non ROH, I don’t care. But if you out there are spending so much time complaining about how WWE sucks, then dammit, spend some money so you won’t have to spend so much time complaining. This list stays in the column and will be added to as the year goes on. Remember: don’t bow out, BUY IN!

2007

**PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2006: Night One (Strong / Romero, CIMA / Cross, Deliirous / Generico, 8 Man Tag)
**SHIMMER Women’s Athletes Volume 6 (MsChif / Melissa Last Woman Standing, Rebecca Knox / Allison Danger Pure Rules)
**PWG Hollywood Globetrotters (Super Dragon and Davey Richards vs. Roderick Strong and Jack Evans; Cape Fear (El Generico and Quicksilver) vs. Arrogance (Chris Bosh and Scott Lost); B-Boy vs. Frankie Kazarian; Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin.)
**PWG Beyond The Thunderdome (Super Dragon and Davey Richards vs. AJ Styles and Chris Daniels); Cape Fear vs. Arrogance; Joey Ryan vs. Chris Sabin)
**PWG Enchantment Under The Sea (Cape Fear vs. Briscoes; Matt Sydal vs. B-Boy; Super Dragon and Davey Richards vs. Arrogance; Austin Aries vs. Kevin Steen)
**wXw World Lightweight Tournament 2006 (Ares / Baron von Hagen, Pac / El Generico, Quackenbush / Roudin, 5 Way Tournament Match)
**ECWA Super 8 Tournament 2001 (Danielson / Low Ki, Danielson / Reckless Youth, Low Ki / Billy Fives, Danielson / Spanky)
**ROH FWA IPW:UK Frontiers of Honor 2 (Sydal / Richards, Cabana / Burridge, JC Thunder / Nigel McGuinness, Danielson / Brookside / Stone)

**PWG Battle of Los Angeles 2006: Night Two (Necro Butcher/Super Dragon, Hero/Horiguchi, Evans/Castagnolli) (NEW ADDITION)

I finally was able to finish watching night two and I’m onto night three, but believe me you’ll want to pick up both shows (and I’m sure plenty others after this one). Night two was the most shaky as far as quality matches and a few had some noticeably sloppy and botchariffic moments. However, this disc becomes a must own given the massacre session that is Dragon vs. Necro. Just one hell of a fight. A dirty, dirty fight, but great one nonetheless.

If YOU (yes, YOU!) would like to contribute your own additions to the Indy Buy In list, contact me and let your voice be known!

ROH @ 411 This Week

Brad and Jacob have current ROH coverage with The Bitter End.

J.D. Dunn continues The Summer of Punk saga with a great look at Fate of Angel (with some of my favorite matches of 2005) and The Homecoming (actually one of my least favorite ROH shows).

Brad continues FIP reviews with Southern Justice.

Samuel Berman’s The Independent Mid Card looks at Davey Richards vs. Jack Evans.

Honor Bound Links

Sorry, I momentarily got distracted by one of the 411 adverts for dating singles and this blonde girl who looks like Kelly Kelly is just…wow. Yeah. Okay, anyway.

Meehan is in with the Saturday news round up.

Stuart Carapola has Friendly Competition and That Was Then with Macho in WCW.

Bayani is in with Truth B Told, which to tell the truth I’m actually reading now for MORE than just the pictures of Asian girls. Yeah, now I read to see when Andy Milonakis will come back and give Bayani a little taste of revenge, pancake face style!

High / Low Road on hair vs. hair at Wrestlemania.

The Ripple Effect…on potato chips. No just kidding, on Christian.

Wrestling’s 3R’s with Larry Csonka.

That is all for this week folks…but wait, there’s more! No well, not really.

Next week…um more stuff.

Be well and be merry and just be.
Brooklyn! DAH EM! BAH! SEE!
–Ari–